You Only Move Twice Tired of his job and living in Springfield, Homer gets a job at Globex and moves to Cypress Creek. However his new boss, Hank Scorpio, as nice as he may seem, is a super villain. Meanwhile Homer also causes trouble for James Bont, a famous British spy.
The blackboard gag: "I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten."
Couch gag: Parachute couch gag. The Simpsons arrive on parachutes. Homer then plummeted screaming and smashed a Homer shaped hole in the floor.
On his way to work, Waylon Smithers is offered a job working for Globex corporation.
“Sir can we interest you in a place at Globex corporation?”
”No!” said Smithers.
”Can’t a man do his shopping without being offered a job?!” Smithers snapped.
He refuses. So the offer is handed down to the next longest serving employee at the Power Plant, Homer Simpson. Homer accepts and tells his family the good news. However Marge is annoyed by this upheaval.
“Homer you took a new job in a new state without consulting us?” Marge asked.
“I did consult you. I’m just not giving you the choice to refuse.” said Homer.
“But we have roots here! Lisa’s library membership is to the local library. We’ll have to move the kids to a new school! Bart’s lawyer is here!” said Marge.
“You’re leaving?!” said Lionel Hutz.
“And Hugo dislikes change!” said Marge.
Hugo growled incoherently and chewed the dry wall.
“Hugo don’t chew the dry wall.” said Marge.
Bart winced. It’s been three months since the startling revelation that he had a brother. He was still creepy though and Bart disliked being alone with him.
“Marge this could be my opportunity to live out my life long dream!” said Homer.
“What life long dream? The one where you ate an entire yard long Hoagie and got sick from food poisoning trying to eat it after it had gone purple and mushrooms were growing on it? The one where you and Barney wanted to go on the gong show and you did twenty years ago!” said Marge. There was a flashback of Homer and Barney on the Gong show wearing a giant pair of trousers together and playing a giant mouth organ while simultaneously playing an accordion.
The judges booed them and hit the gongs to tell them to get off stage.
“Uh no this is a different one.” said Homer.
“What is it Homer?” Marge asked.
“Well... Promise you won’t laugh.” said Homer.
“Oh we won’t Homer.” said Marge understanding.
“Yes we will! Get ready to laugh Lisa!” said Bart.
Homer said Sheepishly. “I always wanted to own the Dallas Cowboys...”
Everyone laughs at him.
“See?” Homer whined.
Marge stops her self from giggling. “Oh I’m sorry Homie.” The kids were still laughing in hysterics.
”But Homer I don’t want to leave! I have dug myself into a rut here and I am not digging myself out again to start somewhere new!” said Marge.
”Then take the rut with you!” said Homer.
Marge tried to explain that didn’t make sense.
”Look here’s a tape all about Cypress Creek...” said Homer.
It was actually the Ring tape.
The Simpsons screamed when the Ring appeared.
”Whoops! Wrong tape!” said Homer. He ejected the tape and put the correct one in.
”Oh this sucks...” said Homer wanting to watch something else. “Let’s watch something else.”
”Homer! You’re trying to convince us to up sticks and move here!” Marge explained.
”Oh yeah...” said Homer.
There was a man in a run down neighbourhood with smashed windows. A woman arrived. “What a waste! Some one ought to build a town here that works!” said the man.
And some one did. That someone was Globex corporation. Parking meters became trees. Buildings were replaced with nicer looking ones. A full dumpster overflowing with junk and home to several rabid Clownjas became a coffee shop stall that was run by civilised bistro Clownjas.
And a hobo turned into a mailbox.
”Omg! They turned that hobo into a mailbox!” Oscar yelled.
They move away but struggle to sell the house.
Otto found the house was too fancy and expensive.
Ralph tried to buy the house by trading a carton of milk and a crayon.
”Can the milk be chocolate milk?” Homer asked.
”I am walking away now.” said Ralph tossing his milk carton and crayon aside.
”Apu? You’re looking for a new house?!” Homer asked.
“No but I would like to read your magazines, go through your medicine cabinet and rearrange and muck up your neatly arranged herbs and spices and groceries! Ha! Now you know what it’s like!” Apu laughed. He ran off.
Marge and Homer decided to abandon the house. They nail up an abandoned sign.
Homer is packing all their things into a carrying vault attached to the car. Bart is in the car with his siblings and Oscar. He is flying a small red toy plane.
(Bart making plane sounds.)
Hugo annoyed grabbed the tiny red toy plane and threw it out the window.
”Hey! Mom! Hugo threw away my toy plane!” Bart whined.
Ned says his goodbyes to them and asks If Homer really needs to take all the stuff he borrowed and never returned with him.
"Yes..." Homer is annoyed with his questions.
"Okilly dokelily!" Ned replies.
The Simpsons leave for Cypress Creek. Once they arrive in their new house, Hank Scorpio, Homer's new boss visits and gives them a fruit basket. They soon find him very kind and welcoming.
"It has papayas in it. Makes you strong like Popeye! Popeye? papaya? Ah forget it! I'm Hank Scorpio. Don't bother being formal with me, I don't like that, just call me Hank!"
"Thanks Hank!" said Marge.
"There's also some shoes in there like mine! You don't like them? Well I don't like these either! Get outta here!" Hank threw his shoes away.
"Wow...!" Homer gasped.
Hugo smiled seeing someone else who hated shoes besides himself.
"Now I have marathon to take part in! See you at work Homer!" Hank puts on a numbered vest and joins a marathon.
"He seems nice..." Homer remarks.
Meanwhile Mr Burns is furious Homer broke the terms of his reemployment, that he was to work for the Plant forever.
"Fire him at once!"
"Uh, Sir, he already terminated his employment to work for Globex..." Smithers replied.
"Very well, I'll find some way to make him and his family suffer..."
”In other news sir, Globex tried to poach me earlier this week. But I could never betray you sir.” said Smithers.
”Smithers, this brown nosing is obnoxious. Please stop.” said Mr Burns.
Homer starts his first day at work. However his boss doesn't want him being formal with him.
"Just call me Hank, Homer. I'm just an employee of Globex as you are. Oh sure I get a fancier office and I get paid more and oh what the heck. Yes I own Globex, but I'm just a regular guy like you, you don't have to be afraid of me just because I'm your boss!" Hank explained in the lobby.
He then showed Homer his work place. He was to motivate technicians. "Now I bet you've never had people working under you before!" Hank asks.
"No Mr- I mean Hank." Homer replied.
"Well, get used to it Homer! If you need any help, I'll be in my office!" Hank said before leaving.
Homer stared at his employees.
"Hi." said Homer.
"Hi Mr Simpson." said the workers.
"Can you guys work any harder?" Homer asked.
"Of course Mr Simpson!" The workers typed faster.
"Hey, just call me Homer." Homer said warmly.
Hank does a trust fall exercise with Homer. However the phone rings. He picks it up but doesn't realise Homer still thinks Hank is going to catch him and falls over.
"What? Somebody ate part of my lunch?! How much of it?! Uh huh. Hold on someone just fell over. I'll get back to you." said Hank putting down the phone. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry Homer!"
The rest of the family got used to things.
Marge soon found the house and garden just cleaned and looked after themselves. Even the indoor plants had automatic sprinklers to water them.
Lisa explored the forest, there were animals everywhere. She finds a reticulated chipmunk and cooes at it because it's cute.
“Awwwwww! A reticulated chipmunk! You’re so reticulated! Ain’t ya? Yes you are!” Lisa goes all soppy over a chipmunk.
Then she sees an owl.
"Hi Mrs Owl!" she greets the owl. However as she skips happily away the owl swoops on the chipmunk. Poor chipmunk...
”Oh my god! She ate Dale!” Oscar screamed.
Lisa grimaced at Oscar’s stupidity.
Meanwhile Bart mucks about in class with his new friends. Hugo is scratching himself and sniffing everyone. A Milhouse look a like wants to be his best friend. However the teacher then comes in and starts the class. They are learning cursive writing. (Joined up writing.) The teacher asks Bart if he knows what cursive writing is. Bart awardly does an armpit noise.
The teacher speaks to him after class.
“Bart do you know what cursive writing is?” The teacher asked.
“Well I know Hell, Damn... Fu-“ Bart thought he meant cursing.
“No. Cursive. Joined up writing...” said the teacher.
“No Mrs Krabappel never taught us that.” said Bart.
He determines he is extremely behind. Bart is demoted to a remedial class. He encounters a Canadian boy who talks like he's slow in the head, a girl who woke up there after falling off the climbing frame and a boy who admits he burns things.
Bart is unnerved and frightened of the boy who burns things...
The class is learning the letter C.
"Wait wait wait! We're catching up with the other class by working slower then them?!" Bart rants. He then does his impression of a cuckoo bird to show he things the class is insane. The other kids copy him until the teacher stops them.
"Seems someone here has the grumps. Just be quiet Bart, you'll get used to it." the teacher sighs.
Bart sighs and lays his head on the desk sadly. However the boy who sets fire to things slaps him. The teacher tells the boy off for slapping people.
Everyone draws the let C. Oscar does so while singing C is for cookie from Sesame Street.
”C is for cookie! That’s good enough for me! C is for cookie! That’s good enough for me!”
Bart groaned and lied across the table again.
Some of the family are unhappy at dinner, especially Bart. However Lisa is very happy still and Homer tells everyone to ride it out because he likes his new job.
The following day Homer buys Tom Landry’s hat to motivate his workers.
”Sports gear!” Bart gaped.
”Tom Landry’s hat!” Homer gasped.
”You should buy it.” said Bart.
”And then hire Xococaca... Xocohocol...Oxo... Ah forget it! No one can pronounce that!” said Oscar.
”Okay I will!” said Homer.
"Hey if Tom Landry’s hat doesn't motivate you I don't what I'll do!" Homer whines at his tired workers.
"Homer we're working our best, we're just so tired..." a worker explained.
"Tired... That's it! What you guys need are hammocks!" Homer has an idea.
Homer goes to Hank's office. "Hank can I ask you something?"
"Of course Homer!" Hank replies smiling.
"I need some business hammocks." Homer replies.
"Hammocks! Of course! Why didn't I think of that!" Hank thinks he has a very good suggestion. However he gets a phone call. "Hang on, this is important."
Hank turns on a very big screen, he is now talking live to the UN.
"Good afternoon gentlemen! I am Hank Scorpio of Globex Enterprises! I demand a ransom of Five millions dollars or you will face the consequences!" Hank reveals his true personality. Homer doesn't seem to care as he's chatting with a co worker in the background. "And to show you I'm not bluffing..."
Hank pushes a button on a remote. Suddenly at the UN meeting, a bridge nearby collapsed.
"Sacre bleu! That bridge just collapsed on its own!" said a french member of the UN.
"We can't take that chance!" said a British member of the UN.
"I wanna take a chance!" said the French member.
"Collapsed on its own, why you...! You have seventy two hours!" Hank warned the UN before cutting communication. "Now where were we Homer?"
“Business Hammocks, Hank.” said Homer.
Hank then list all the hammock stores on third floor. “Well, there’s the Hammock hut.”
”Hammocks are us.”
“You ever go to You Put your Butt There?” Hank asked.
Homer wrote this hammock store down.
“Swing low sweet chariot?”
A snowflake SJW was outraged. Look you idiot, there’s nothing about slavery in that song! It’s patriotic!”
”Oh and you’ll love Mary Ann’s Hammocks! The best bit about it is that Mary gets in the hammock with you! Hehehehe! I’m just kidding!” said Hank,
”Ah the hammock district on third.” said Homer.
”Yes, come to think of it... I did build all the hammock stores together on one district...” said Hank.
Meanwhile Marge gets fed up with not having anything to do all day so she starts drinking wine. Dun dun dun!
Meanwhile Lisa is in the forest again. She sniffs the flowers. However she finds she's allergic to them and develops hay fever and sneezes. A chipmunk blows dandelion seeds at her. She sneezes a lot.
Meanwhile in the remedial class the kids are singing "I like you! I like me! I'm the best I can be!" To the tune of Barney the dinosaur! While playing musical chairs. However the game never removes chairs per round so everyone always wins. Bart sighs as he takes a seat.
"Yay! Everyone's a winner!" said the teacher.
The arsonist kid slaps Bart again.
”Warren!” The teacher told him off for slapping Bart.
It's lunch time at work but Homer can't find any sugar for his tea.
"Where's the sugar?" Homer asks a security guard.
"Try in here, Homer." The guard lets him into the room they were guarding. Homer finds himself in a volcano lair ripped straight from You only live Twice. He finds Hank at some controls busy.
"I don't remember this room..." Homer remarks.
"Why should you, it's my other office. What can I do for you Homer?" Hank replied.
"Do you have any sugar?" Homer asks.
"Oh of course." Hank takes some out of his pockets and pours it into Homer's tea. "Sorry it's not in packets. Want any milk?"
"Eeeeer... no." Homer goes downstairs.
Marge is still drinking wine. Dun dun dun!
Meanwhile Bart is getting fed up with his remedial class. Especially since Hugo has been demoted to it. He causes pandemonium by biting the arsonist kid.
Hugo is sent to the principal who then lets him go when he realises his father is Homer Simpson.
Hank Scorpio has captured James Bont and cuffed him to a table with a laser drawing closer to him, ala Goldfinger.
"Do you expect me to talk?" James asks.
"No I expect you to die and have a very cheap funeral! You're gonna die now...!" Hank retorts before leaving James Bont to his fate. However he uses a coin to refract the laser into smaller ones that cut open his manacles allowing him to escape.
"Stop him!" Hank demands. But James sprays smoke from his watch at Hank and his goons. "Cough! Stop him! He's supposed to die!"
Homer suddenly tackles James Bont to the floor.
"Nicely done Homer! When you go home tonight they'll be another floor on your house!" Hank rewards Homer. The guards kill James Bont.
"Aw thanks Hank!"
At dinner Homer celebrates helping his boss at work. However everyone's miserable.
"I can't taste Mom's delicious cooking..." Lisa is bunged up.
"I didn't even cook! The house made that! I even drank two glasses of wine today I was so bored!" Marge explained.
"What about you Bart, you haven't even got in to trouble at school yet!" Homer replies.
"I can't get in trouble. They put me in remedial class, I'm surrounded by kids with mittens tied to their jackets and arsonists!" Bart groans.
"We wanna go back to Springfield..." They groan.
But Homer wants to stay. "For once I'm good at my job!"
"Fine... looks like we're here to stay kids..." Marge sighs.
That night Homer has a dilemma, tell Hank he wants to leave or stay put despite his family's wishes. Suddenly Oscar appears.
"There's a way you can stay and make things better for your family!" Oscar explained.
"How?" Homer asked.
"Duh! Doesn't your boss Hank control everything here? Get him to pull a few strings at Bart's school, turn off all the automated appliances at your house, do something about Lisa's hay fever..." Oscar explained.
Homer thinks this is an excellent idea.
Homer goes to Hank's volcano lair room. However all hell is breaking loose. The US army is invading and there's a huge gun battle between them and Globex soldiers.
"Hey there Homer! As you can see I'm a little busy with the US government..." Hank throws a grenade down at the soldiers.
"Oh don't get me started on the government...!" Homer rants.
"Uh huh, I hear ya. What is it? You'll have to be quick." Hank shoots at the soldiers. A bikini clad Globex beauty kills a soldier with her thighs.
"Well it's a lot of little things..." Homer replies.
"Well the little things are important... What's a matter, Homer?"
"My family want to go back to Springfield..." Homer replied.
"So let them! You can stay here and help me out!" Hank replied.
"Well..." No wait Homer, Hank's right, what have I got to hope for back home? "Actually, the reason my family is getting cold feet about living here is because they have a few problems, but I can always ask you later Hank."
"No, I'm all ears. What is it?" Hank asks as he takes out a flamethrower and puts on the backpack.
"Well, to start there's Bart's school, they put him in remedial class. I know, shocking ain't it? Then there's poor Lisa..." Homer explained as Hank went downstairs and attacked the soldiers with a flamethrower.
"Uh huh. Feel free to grab a gun and kill somebody Homer." Hank replied while listening.
"Oh sure." Homer grabs a gun off a dead Globex goon and shoots wildly while explaining his family's issues.
"I'll see what I can do Homer." Hank replies. He laughs madly as he burns people.
That evening everyone is happier.
"I got returned to fourth grade! The teacher was really unnerved though." Bart explained joyfully. "I even saw some guys with guns at the school!"
"And my hay fever is gone! Although I wished Mr Scorpio didn't have to burn all the poor little flowers Dad." Lisa explained.
"And I got so much done today! And I bet my cooking was far better than the house could ever make! Huh?" Marge asked. Everyone shrugged.
(The house's cooking was actually better...) Bart thought.
Meanwhile at the power plant. Mr Burns hires Homer's replacement. A man named Frank Grimes. However he is only interested in doing his job, not making friends.
"Look Smithers! That Frank Grimes is a real go getter! Much better than that fat oaf we used to employ." Mr Burns is watching Frank work.
"Homer Simpson?" Smithers asked.
"Who?" Mr Burns asked.
"Anyhoo, he maybe an excellent worker, but Frank isn't at all popular with any of the other workers, why he sits alone at lunchtime!" Smithers explained.
"Smithers, this is a place of work! Not a social club! People are supposed to be working! Not jabbering to each other absentmindedly!" Mr Burns ranted.
"Yes sir..." Smithers sighed.
Hank Scorpio was in his office laughing maniacally while feeding British secret agents to his pool of sharks. The Globex logo in the office where he was threatening to blow up bridges opens up to reveal a shark pool of hungry man eating sharks.
Homer has some ideas for Hank.
“Um Hank?” Homer asked oblivious to his boss being evil.
“Yes Homer?” Hank asked with a warm friendly smile.
“I have some ideas for special weekly events to increase productivity.” said Homer.
“Go on Homer. I’m listening.” said Hank as the British secret agent got eaten by sharks.
“Well. Tuesday’s are now Taco Tuesday. Friday’s are now Hawaiian shirt day, so everyone bring your tackiest eye searing Hawaiian shirt. And once a year in March is bring your family to work day.”
“Excellent ideas Homer! Although I may have to rain check that bring your family to work day idea over with security...” said Hank.
Security guards were shaking their heads.
However Bring your family to work day went ahead.
“Ah the Simpsons! Come in! Come in!” Hank welcomes them warmly. Bart’s wisecracks didn’t bother him, in fact as far as he was concerned the Simpson children behaved very well. Except Hugo...
Hugo for some reason took to poking Hank with his sewing needle.
Hank yelped in pain.
“Spirited little fellow your son is.” Hank tried to keep his friendly demeanour.
“Yeah... I think we’re gonna like living here Hank...” said Homer.
Bond singers sing in a sultry manner The Simpsons theme tune.
Bart writing limes writes. “You only live once. And I don’t have a license to kill.” James Bond music plays as he skates off home.
At their house Homer parks the car. yells D’oh! as Bart skateboards over him. Grunts as Lisa arrives on her bike and screams as Marge arrives in her car, nearly running him over.
They do a couch gag. “Ooooh! We have a ceiling fan!” said Homer as a ceiling fan spun around.
In Springfield because Marge wasn’t around. Belle, an upperclass woman built a burlesque house.
Lovejoy, Helen and the Flanders tried to protest but did not enough signatures.
”Marge would have rallied everyone against this house of evil!” Lovejoy said bitterly.
And Homer did not begin an unsuccessful boxing career. Besides I already did that story.
At Cypress Creek.
Lisa was playing tea party with Maggie and drinking pretend tea.
Lisa saw Bart walk last her room, boasting and making people jealous didn’t suit her but she just had to get on Bart’s nerves. After all he did the same to her with his childish insults and obnoxious behaviour.
Lisa grinned. “Jealous, only son?” She smirked.
”No. I have a brother now. Remember?” said Bart bluntly as he posed in a chummy manner with Hugo.
Lisa frowned annoyed. “Whatever.”
Bart smirked. Got her!
After this little scene Hugo needed a change of clothes because he had been wearing the same old moth eaten t shirt and shorts with holes in them for a week.
“I'm telling you, Bart, I really don't know anything about fashion.” said Hugo.
[reading a boy’s fashion magazine] “Hmmm. Okay, tell me this: do red and orange go together?“ Bart asked him.
”Ummmm....” said Hugo pondering.
”Yes!” Quiffy snapped wearing his red shirt with an orange horizontal stripe through the middle that Coop from Kid vs Kat keeps stealing!
Bart face palmed. “No Quiffy! They don’t!”
Hugo smirked. “Well now I know the answer.”
Bart rolled his eyes.
”Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be in my room and laboratory performing mad science experiments...” said Hugo heading off to his bedroom.
”Okay Dr Frankenderp.” said Bart.
”I heard that!” Hugo yelled annoyed.
Homer had the boss, Hank over.
”Ah enjoying your wonderful home Homer? I built it! And all the others.” said Hank warmly.
”Yes Hank. The wife’s putting on a delicious dinner.” said Homer.
”Splendid! Splendid!” said Hank.
Meanwhile in a volcano lair.
”Hmmmmmm! Maybe I should be nicer to my staff and not feed them to my piranhas...” said Blofeld. ‘Hmmmmmm Nah... feeding them to my piranhas is far more fun.”
Back at the Simpsons house in Cypress Creek.
“I have so many questions for you. First of all, is this floor reinforced?” Homer asked.
The hall floor collapsed under his weight.
”D’oh!” Homer grunted. Stuck in the floor,