Yet Another Church Episode Set during An Anime Among Us! We go through Marge and Reverend Lovejoy's snoozefest. Yaaaawn...
The Simpsons were sound asleep one Saturday morning except the kids who were downstairs watching Itchy and Scratchy. Flay me to the moon.
Part of the cartoon was loud.
“Lis turn it down! We don’t want to wake Mom and Dad!” said Bart. Lisa turns it down.
Hugo was watching the cartoon curious.
Itchy tied Scratchy's tongue around the moon and it got pulled towards the earth.
Link from the legend of Zelda looked up and saw the moon falling. He held up a sign that just said "Yipes!"
Scratchy got up and looked out the window only to see the moon heading towards him. He screamed and hid in a cupboard. The moon squashed his house.
Bart, Lisa, Hugo, Oscar and Maggie burst out laughing.
Snowball II somehow got herself trapped under the upper floors again and scratched for attention.
Marge woke with a start.
"Oh my! It's Saturday! We're late for church! Kids get up!" Marge called. She got up and despite Homer's protests got him his suit.
”Mmmmm... I don’t wanna go...” Homer groaned.
"Homer, are we gonna have a repeat of you not going to church..." Marge sighed.
"No... Well maybe in winter. It's too cold for church." said Homer as he got dressed.
"Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week." Marge sighed.
"Well he should have made weeks an hour longer... Lousy God..." Homer groaned trying to put on his pants.
”It’s your afterlife...” She went off to wake the kids.
"The kids must have got up early for some reason they're not in their beds!" said Marge.
There was laughter from downstairs and the Krusty the clown show.
"Hmmmm! Kids! No time for cartoons! Eat your breakfast and get dressed! We're late for Church!" said Marge hurrying downstairs to find them watching cartoons.
"Ho boy, Mom you know how long it takes to get Hugo to keep his shoes on... add that to us being late and we might as well not go in today..." Bart explained.
"Hmmmm! That's why I won't have nonsense today! Especially from you Hugo!" said Marge. Hugo frowned. "Everyone get going! Oscar. Just try to keep out of the way."
"It's not my buisness to worry about your Saturday morning rituals Marge. You lot go to your church..." said Oscar heading back to bed.
”Mom, Hugo’s being feral again...” Bart sighed as Hugo was acting like a feral jungle boy again. He was scratching himself like a dog.
Marge sighed. “Hugo can you try not to act like a Neanderthal.”
“I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.” said Hugo in the midst of scratching himself like a dog because of his lice.
“No. Do or do not. There is no try.” said Yoda.
Hugo winced exasperated.
Marge somehow got everyone ready and in the car.
Hugo wriggled and growled as Marge put him in the car.
”Hugo...” Marge sighed.
“Maaaarge... people are staring...” Homer groaned.
”Well so what?! One of our twin boys has severe mental health problems and acute psychosis...” said Marge.
They arrived late. Outside the marquee reeds “Next Sunday: the miracle of shame!”
"Can the Simpsons hurry up and find seats... Now where was I..." Reverend Lovejoy had lost his place in a sermon. The church goers groaned and yelled at the Simpsons.
The Simpsons found somewhere and sat down.
Homer fell asleep but bashed his head on the front pews. "Damnit!" he yelled startling the church goers and offending them.
"Everyone calm down, I'm sure Homer didn't intend to shout such profanity..." said Reverend Lovejoy.
He went on about Constancy.
Marge moaned feeling bored and weary.
Hugo jabbered and made Nibbler from Futurama sounds.
The sermon soon put everyone to sleep. Reverend Lovejoy was cross so he pushed a button that made an eagle screech which awoke everyone. They started clapping.
"Ugh. Everyone just go, you're dismissed for the holidays..." Reverend Lovejoy sighed.
At Home the Simpsons came home cheering and taking off their shoes. Even Lisa was cheering. Yeah she's very odd in this episode.
"Yay! The whole summer holidays and no church!" Lisa cheered.
"Church shouldn't be a chore! It should help you with your daily lives!" Marge explained.
"It should but it doesn't." said Homer. "Now who wants to go to the dump?"
"The dump?!" Marge asked.
"Yeah, I've gotta get rid of the old Christmas tree! It's starting to turn brown!" said Homer.
"Okay but change out of your church clothes first! I don't want them smelling of garbage..." said Marge.
"Okay dokey." said Homer. "You coming?"
"No... I'd rather go and see the Reverend." said Marge.
'Suit yourself..." Said Homer as the kids headed back downstairs after somehow getting changed into their usual clothes during the conversation.
Homer and the kids left to go to the dump. And this is were An Anime Among Us! splits off from this episode.
Marge sighed and went to see Lovejoy. He was packing away the letters from the sign that day. Unfortunately he had too many Qs and not enough Us. It's implied that kids keep stealing them.
“Ugh... we have five Qs and only two Us... What a world...” said Lovejoy.
Marge decided to help him that day to pack up. Then there was just some boring storyline involving him losing faith with his flock because Ned kept bothering him with stupid phone calls.
"Hmmmm! Ned sounded like he was reaching out to you..." Marge sighed. Um yeah about swallowing a toothpick and breaking Dubai's buttock nudging law...
Then Skinner called to say his mother had gone crazy by putting cardboard over her half of the TV and renting a man with out a face.
"I didn't even know he had a problem!" Skinner said desperately.
We cut to the Skinner house where Slenderman was standing in the lounge.
Then they got a call from Moe having a problem with discussing something with Barney.
“Hello? Is this Lovejoy?” Moe asked.
”No this is... eh... the Listen Lady.” said Marge.
”Yeah well listen lady,” said Moe. This gag just writes itself! XD!
Moe spoke about how he needed to tell Barney something but was reluctant to tell him.
Marge suggests that whenever she has to discuss something with Homer she cooks him a delicious dinner, by the time he's finished he's too tired to know what's what.
"That's it! I'll stuff Barney with a gourmet dinner he won't care what I have to tell him." said Moe.
Then Moe called about his cat...
The cat meowed.
"Alright! I'm calling them!" Moe yelled at his cat.
At another day of church. The marquee reads “The Listen Lady is in”
At church after the holidays everyone was talking too loudly about Marge helping them.
"Can we please not shout things in the church." Lovejoy asked.
Everyone went outside to discuss things with Marge but she was overwhelmed.
"One at a time! One at a time! Now who has the most urgent problem?" Marge asked.
"I have a reoccurring dream in which I'm falling!" said Sideshow Mel.
"Oh my goodness! Right this way! Tim can you handle the others?" Marge took Sideshow Mel aside. Um yeah I'm sure bad dreams about falling are really important to the Reverend...
Lovejoy then went indoors and started talking to his stain glass windows because he is nuts. In fact he's so nuts that they come to life!
A saint with a long name awakens.
Lovejoy recites his very long name.
"That's my name, don't wear it out!" said the Saint Elutherius. I'm sure Bart has said that once.
All the saints except Elutherius had died horribly.
Saint Bartholomew had been beheaded, St Donikus was boiled to death and St Lucian got eaten by a lion.
"Eat my robes!" said St Bartholomew.
"Bartholomew... please try to act saintly..." Elutherius sighed.
Lovejoy discussed his problems.
"I appeared in 8000 visions and that is the lamest excuse I ever heard! Ay carumba!" said St Bartholomew.
Bart: You're really riding with this because he's called Bart...
"Well what did you do?!" Lovejoy retorted.
"I introduced Christianity to the Mongolians! ... Then they chopped my head off... apparently they didn't take to kindly to me telling them not to have a cow, man..." said Bartholomew. "Or maybe it was the whole trying to convert them thing..."
"St Bartholomew what have we told you about ad libbing in your stories..." St Donikus told him off for his Bartisms.
"Eat my robes cauldron dude!" St Bartholomew yelled.
"Okay now my visions are going nuts! I'll speak to you guys later..." said Reverend Lovejoy.
"See you later!" said the saints before turning back into lifeless pictures.
The Simpsons were having dinner in the dining room. Homer was staring at the Mr Sparkle box.
"Homer! Throw that away! It's smelly and it came from the dump! I don't want it at the dining table!" Marge was vexed by the dirty box from the dump at her dining table.
"But I'm concerned by it! Why does it look like me?! Who would do this?!" Homer asked frightened by the Mr Sparkle character.
"Maybe someone's watching us! They could be watching us right now!" said Bart.
"Don't be ridiculous!" Nobody's watching us! Now eat your dinner!" said Marge. They all looked around awkwardly and nervous.
Meanwhile in Oscar's house from the Go Home storyline.
Oscar's watching the Simpsons. "Moooooom... The TV's acting weird..." he said concerned as the Simpsons were looking about paranoid about someone watching them.
The next day at church Marge was taking more amusing calls.
"Look Captain you'll just have to accept your Gameboy is gone, it's at the bottom of the ocean..." said Marge.
"Oh... arrrrr..." said Sea Captain miserable.
"Oscar that's not funny..." Marge sighed.
"But (Laughing) He's a grown man crying about a Gameboy! (Laughing) It works on so many levels!"
Marge regretted asking Oscar to help out that day.
Then there was supposed to be a plot involving Ned having problems with bullies at the leftorium but that's bankrupt in my continuity and it's stupid because Ned could turn into Satan to scare the bullies.
Instead Marge is doing housework one afternoon while Bart enacts his plan to scare Ned with a Mr Sparkle box. He puts the freshly emptied box on his head and wears Homer's clothes done up very tight with ropes and the belt on tight. He then goes outside to see Ned.
"Help me Ned! The radiation at work mutated me!" yelled Bart putting on a voice pretending he was Homer.
"Great googily moogily!" Ned yelled in horror.
Bart laughed revealing he was just wearing a costume.
"Hmmmmm! Bart stop scaring Ned..." Marge was witnessing this shenanigan while watering the flowers.
Lovejoy was talking to his stained glass windows of the saints again.
“Eat my robes!” said St Bartholomew.
“St Bartholomew please...” Lovejoy sighed.
“Hey! Don’t have a sacred cow man!” said St Bartholomew.
“That’s Hinduism... this is Christianity...” said Lovejoy.
“Yeah well I’m the saint here not you and I once baptised five hundred mongols before- Ay Carumba! Look over there!” said St Bartholomew.
“Where?” Lovejoy fell for his prank.
“Ha! Made you look!” said St Bartholomew.
“St Bartholomew are you going to take this vision seriously or not...” asked the saint being eaten by a lion.
“I am serious!” St Bartholomew retorted. “Cowabunga!”
Lovejoy sighed and face palmed.
At Springfield docks Oscar was fishing. He put on a worm as bait and fished. Eventually he got a bite. Excited he reeled in the fish. However instead of a fish he had caught a filthy, seaweed covered Gameboy.
Oscar rolled his eyes at the fourth wall.
”Uh Poseidon... I wanted a fish...”
The Simpsons then go to church another Sunday or Saturday. The marquee reads: Today’s sermon. Conquest of the County of Apes.
Oscar in his church clothes goes mad and laughs maniacally on his knees. “You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!”
“No Oz!” Bart whined.
“I knew the Reverend shouldn’t have chosen a Planet of the Apes theme for today’s marquee...” Marge sighed.
In church Lovejoy told a boring sermon and Homer fell asleep. Marge grumbled annoyed at him.
In Sunday school Bart asked dumb questions like “Is there yodelling in Hell?” Probably.
”Homer you can go now. I want to talk to the reverend.” said Marge.
”Okay but no signing us up for marriage counselling. Our marriage is tight baby! Now I want to go fishing and catch General Sherman the giant catfish.” said Homer.
After he left. Marge sighed and helped Lovejoy out again.
”Thanks again Marge.” said Lovejoy.
Marge then took more insane calls from people. Lenny confined in her about his friendship/Man crush on Carl. Marge rolled her eyes because he was clearly obsessed with Carl.
Then Ned rang up
”Hi Ned!” said Marge.
”Oh Hi Marge. Um I have a problem...” said Ned.
”What is it Ned?” Marge asked.
”I um... I swallowed a toothpick...” said Ned.
Marge gave the fourth wall an exasperated glance.
”Ned I don’t think that’s worth the church helpline’s time....” Marge sighed.
Later at the mall. Ned’s leftorium was back in business for some reason. But he saw bullies loitering. He frowned.
”Hey look that geek is heading towards us.” said Jimbo.
”Take a hike old geezer...” said Kearney.
Ned turned into Satan. “GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU PATHETIC BRATS! OR ELSE I SHALL CURSE YOU WITH ETERNAL DAMNATION IN THE FIERY PITS OF HELL!!” The huge red angry demon yelled.
”Aaaaaaagh! Let’s cheese it!” Jimbo yelled and they fled.
Ned smugly whistled as he opened up his store.
At home, Bart and Oscar played World of Warcraft on their PCs. They were in a dungeon raid with Milhouse, Nelson, Martin and Wendell.
"The ten-headed beast has awoken. Wish me luck. Ah!" said Oscar running straight into the boss room while Bart was planning the strategy.
”Oz no!” Bart yelled.
”LEEROOOOOY JENKIIIIIINS!” Oscar screamed down his blue tooth microphone head phone set.
The party got killed.
”Thanks a lot Oz...” Bart glared at him.
”At least I have chicken!” said Oscar eating chicken.
Marge was outside talking to Lovejoy who had still lost faith in Christianity because of Ned’s annoying phone calls.
”Tim if you’ve lost faith in the Lord then where does that leave us, the citizens of Springfield?!”
”On a steep slope down to Hell...” Tim Lovejoy sighed.
”I can think of something worse than Hell.” said Hugo. “Being trapped in the house with Grampa! Mwuhahahaha!” He laughed maniacally.
Marge rolled her eyes.
Anyway Grampa was round telling daft war stories.
“So me and my mule dove off the ship and joined the Battle of Midway midway…“ Grampa drowned on and on.
“It’s so amazing you fought in every war ever, Grampa!“ said Lisa feigning interest but being polite.
“All the way back to the Civil War!” Bart thought ‘Here we go again.’ But listen to his Grampa anyway to be polite.
Hugo bursted into the room. “Amazing”?! That was the most insufferable story ever. And you should be suffering too!” Hugo was baffled they weren’t crying out for Grampa to shut up.
“We're not, because we saw right through your lame plan.“ said Lisa.
”My evil plans are not lame... I am a genius. Perhaps more than you sis. We should test our intellect some time.” Hugo retorted.
“Yeah dude, the only one suffering here is gonna be you.“ said Bart to Hugo.
Hugo lunged at Bart. “I'll end you myself!”
Bart screamed. “Aaaaaagh! Mom!”
”Hugo! Leave your brother alone!” Marge scolded Hugo.
Suddenly Homer as Genie appeared in a puff of blue smoke.
”Homer. Where have you been?” Marge asked.
”Howdy, kids! Oh, you wouldn't believe where I've been! This delightful little bistro in the Jurassic era. Just before the aliens left the Earth. The-“ said Homer as Genie.
“Oh right. The freak hates bistros.” Homer sighed.
’Cut that out! No insulting Hugo while you’re Genie either!” Oscar snapped.
“Anyway...” Bart squeezed the top of his nose exasperated. “Lovejoy’s lost faith because of Ned constantly calling him over dumb things. We do not have time for off the wall insanity Dad!”
”Lovejoy’s in trouble?” Homer as Genie turns his head into Darkwing Duck. “Let’s get dangerous!”
”Dad! No! Stop being Genie!” Bart groaned.
”Impossible! I’ve voiced Genie for years.” said Homer.
”I wish for a banana split parfait.” said Oscar to Genie Homer.
”I’m sorry Oz, but I’m a free genie now. remember? I don’t grant wishes.” said Homer as Genie.
”What about favours?” Oscar asked. “You’d be doing me a favour magicking up me a banana split...”
Bart face palmed.
Hugo decided to find something to distract Oscar. “Oz,”
”How would you like to see something really special?” said Hugo boasting.
“Oh is it a lady covered in ants with a loaf of bread for a hat? Because I’d love to see that! Mmmmmmhhhhhmmmm!” Oscar said quickly without taking a breath.
”Uuuuuuh... No...” said Hugo wincing.
At the garbage dump.
”Okay kids start scavenging.” said Homer.
“I found a steal reasonably edible stuffed pepper.” said Hugo biting a pepper. Bart winced in disgust.
“I found a perfectly good basketball half!” said Homer.
“I found a Malibu Stacy with no head.” said Lisa. A rat popped out and squeaked angrily at her. Lisa screamed and dropped the rat headed doll.
Homer laughed hysterically at her. A raccoon emerged from the basketball he was holding and mauled him. Homer screams as the raccoon mauled him.
In the episode An Anime Among us! Bart discovers a Mr Sparkle box and Homer is disturbed that the mascot resembles him.
”Hey look a box from the future!” said Bart.
”Looks Japanese.” said Lisa.
Homer was horrified Mr Sparkle resembled him. He whimpers horrified.
Hugo runs about on all fours like a dog and is sniffing the garbage.
The Simpsons, Flanders and Lovejoys went to Luigi’s Italian restaurant to sort out Tim losing faith because of his flock’s stupid phone call complaints on his church helpline.
Oscar cracked a joke he told before but modernised it with knowledge of recent bands forming.
“Manicotti is filled with ricotta cheese, managothi is filled with the fermented remains of Linkin Park fans.” said Oscar smirking.
“Knock it off!” Bart grunted annoyed at him badmouthing Linkin Park.
”Or what? You’ll send me to the cornfield of no return?” Oscar goaded him.
”No... I’ll send you to the planet of man eating socks.” said Bart.
Marge was helping out.
“All done. I swept the aisles... and put all the collection plates in the dishwasher. And you wouldn't believe how many dead pigeons there were in the organ.” said Marge.
”(Tearfully whimpering) Pidgeys... (Whimpering)” Hugo cried over the dead pigeons.
”Marge, you are a real time-saver.” Lovejoy thanked her for helping out.
Hugo sobbed over the dead pigeons.
“Hugo, did you know that during the Mesozoic era the Earth was ruled by toasters.” Oscar asked.
Hugo frowned. “No it wasn’t ruled by toasters...”
Anyway Marge got Tim’s groove and passion back in time for him to rescue Ned from baboons!
Oscar got bored and summoned Shirley Temple.
“On the good ship Lollipop, It's a sweet trip to a candy shop.” She sang.
King Kong Homer grabbed her and ate the screaming little girl because her song made him feel hungry.
”Nome of those things cheer me up, Oz...” Hugo sighed.
”Wait! I got it!” said Oscar.
We cut to a graveyard late at night. A spooky graveyard!
”Mwuhahahaha!” Hugo laughed. “Now that’s more like it Oz!” Hugo was digging up corpses as he likes um doing that...
“Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?” Mayor Quimby sighed.
”No...” said Hugo digging up a grave.
”Who are we digging up anyway?” Oscar asked.
”Dean Martin.” said Hugo digging with a shovel.
”So not pirate treasure...” Oscar asked.
”No Oz...” said Hugo.
They opened Dean Martin’s coffin. There was a skeleton inside as you’d expect.
”Oh my god! They replaced Dean Martin with a skeleton!” Oscar screamed.
Hugo face palmed. “Oz... That is Dean Martin’s skeleton... don’t you know people rot after death until only bones remain?!”
”No they turn into red liquorice!” said Oscar.
Hugo face palmed.
”Anyhoo I need to find some remnants of DNA and- Great Archimedes! What are you doing?!” Hugo said before yelling because Oscar was playing with Dean Martin’s skull.
“There is no pirate treasure is there, bonesy? (takes Dean Martin’s skull and uses it as a dummy) (as skull) Oh, I wish chief. With that kind of dough, I could buy me some eyeballs! (laughs) That's the spirit, bonesy. Why don't you sing a song for the nice people? (as skull) Okay! Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-dah doo-dah, Camptown races five miles long...“ Oscar has a morbid sense of humour...
Hugo cracked up laughing.
Then Lovejoy got his passion for his work back, Saint Bartholomew stopped acting like Bart and got his head reattached and Homer populated the moon with cows!
”Uh okay....” Bart winced.
”Sir you must tell us what’s wrong!” Skinner asked the man without a face his mother rented.
The man said nothing as it is impossible without a face.