Simpsons Fanon

Worst Episode Ever Comic book guy bans Bart and Milhouse from his store for getting him in trouble with Martin's mom but while getting increasingly angry at a horror gala one night from being constantly humiliated he suffers a heart attack!


The Simpsons are having breakfast one day. They are having pancakes.

"Mmmmm! Great pancakes Mom!" said Bart eating his pancakes.

Marge turned round from the stove to reveal she was a hideous alien! (Like the ones from Mars attacks!)

Bart woke up screaming.

"That was a nightmare?" Bart asked himself.

The next morning the Simpsons were in the kitchen eating pancakes, this time for real.

"Mmmmm! Great pancakes Mom!" said Bart eating his pancakes.

"Why thank you dear! I'm using the squeezy bottle of pancakes!" said Marge. She squeezed out some instant pancake mixture into the frying pan but the bottle made a farting sound.

Bart, Hugo and Oscar laughed.

"Oh! Better put on the silencer!" Marge was embarrassed. She put a gun silencer/suppressor on the squeezy bottle's lid and silently squirted some pancakes. Well not completely silent as the bottle made ping! sounds as it squirted out each pancake.

"You know what would go great with these? Some Ms Butterworth!" Lisa got out a bottle of Ms Butterworth syrup from the fridge. However behind it was some expired baking soda. "Eeeew! Mom! How long has this baking soda been here?"

"I don't know. It came with the house." said Marge.

Bart took the box of expired baking soda that was turning greenish blue from mould.

"Daaaaad! Bet you five dollars you can't eat the whole box!" Bart dared Homer to do something very stupid.

"Oh yeah! Let's make it fifty!" Homer upped the wager to fifty dollars and put a fifty dollar bank note on the table. "You are gonna look so stupid!" Homer took a spoonful of mouldy baking soda.

"I'll call poison control..." said Lisa sighing. She called a number on the kitchen phone. "Franz? Yeah just giving you a heads up..." apparently she knows the person manning the poison control phones by name.

"Hmmmmm! The absorbed odours of hundreds of recipes! So many memories!" Homer sniffed the baking soda before eating a spoonful. He laughed before going into a trance about food.

The acid trip had various foods such as pie (mmmmm! Pie!) and a meatball sub flying by while famous quotes are played.

"If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit!" (OJ Simpson's lawyer)

"Very well, I shall resign as president."

"This is one small step for man. One giant leap for mankind!" (Neil Armstrong)

The acid trip ended with Homer giggling and foaming at the mouth as he laid his head on the kitchen table.

"Oh dear... Dad's having an anti acid drip again..." said Lisa.

"And I just won fifty bucks!" said Bart taking the fifty dollar note.

"That's enough to buy one soul!" said Oscar remembering when Bart sold his soul.

"Uh no." Bart was not going to spend it all on someone's soul. He went out to see Milhouse.


Milhouse met him on the streets of Springfield near their local haunts.

"Wow! Can I hold it? Huh? Can I?" Milhouse asked.

"Okay but only if you don't try to spend it at the laundrette again..." Bart remembered their last spending spree with Homer's money where Milhouse wasted some of it doing his laundry.

"So how does it feel going on another spending spree?" Oscar asked as Milhouse smelt the note.

"Uh my doctor said I'm not allowed on any sprees..." said Milhouse.

"What about hijinks?" said Bart.

"Those are fine." said Milhouse. They went to Apu's store.

"Oh goody! Let's buy all syrup squishees again!" said Oscar.

"No! I'm not waking up in a scouts uniform again!" said Bart.

Apu was cleaning Ganesh with a feather duster. Bart showed him his fifty dollars note. Apu gasped and locked them in. Aghhhhh!

"Come, we have much to discuss..." said Apu. He took them shopping across his aisles of candy. "We have many varieties of gum! Both stick and roll."

"I'm not fussed about what gum I chew. I just like chewing!" said Bart.

"Well young Simpson. How do you feel about crispy centres?" Apu asked.

"I like, I like!" Bart replied.

"Squishee!" said Oscar pointing at the squishee machine.

"Oscar if you want an all syrup squishee you can buy one with your own money!" Bart was getting annoyed at him mentioning squishees.

After paying for all their candy Bart and Milhouse ate their candy until they were sick. Oscar was getting high on an all syrup squishee and speaking gibberish.

"Ugh.... too much raw bacon..." Bart groaned. Yeeeuck! Raw bacon?!

"Come on Bart! There must be something to spend the rest of the money on!" said Milhouse.

They somehow ended up in a laundrette in their underwear again.

"Mom doesn't believe in fabric softener. But she's not around! Mwuhahahahaha!" said Milhouse.

"I get to decide how we spend the rest of the money!" Bart frowned.

"I still think you should have bought an all syrup squishee." said Oscar slurping his squishee.

"That's enough! From both of you!" Bart scolded his friends for being annoying.


After getting dressed into their now clean clothes the saw the Android's Dungeon comic store.

"Ah ha!" said Bart seeing a poster for Radioactive Man Issue 1000 was on sale.

They went in.

"One copy of Radioactive man 1000 please!" said Bart.

"Ten dollars?! I don't know whether to laugh or angrily throw you out of my store." said Comic Book Guy.

"Uh?" Bart asked. Confused.

"This is no ordinary comic. It has a protective coating so if you spill drinks on it they are repelled harmlessly onto lesser comics!" Comic book Guy demonstrates by spilling soda onto the Radioactive Man comic but it was repelled and splashed onto some other comics ruining them.

"So how much are those soggy comics worth now?" Oscar asked.

"Utterly worthless! They're to go in the bin! Or you could have them for free if you really want wet comics..." said Comic Book Guy.

Bart and Milhouse gasped at the indestructible comic.

"Yes you are right to gasp. And note the price, $25!" said Comic book Guy.

"We had to buy lunch for that homeless guy..." Bart sighed.

"Liver and Onions! (Licking lips)" said Chester C Lampwick as he walked past.

Bart face palmed.

Suddenly Martin's mom came in with a box of Martin's stuff.

"My son is away at fat camp! And I was going through his things. How much is this all worth?" said Martin's mom.

"Ha! Fat camp!" Oscar laughed hysterically.

"Sssh! Oscar! Martin's been rather sensitive about his weight ever since my Grampa insulted him at take your grandparents to school day!"

A flashback to Raging Abe Simpson and his grumbling grandson and the flying Hell Fish Bonanza.

Abe was telling stupid stories about the Kaiser stealing the number twenty.

"Diggity?! Highly dubious!" Martin giggled.

"What's so funny? Too much pie that's your problem!" Abe Simpson yelled at Martin.

Martin was speechless.

The flashback ended.

"Ugh! Let's see..." Comic book guy looked through Martin's stuff. "Genuine handwritten script for Star Wars by George Lucas himself?! Princess Leia's hair?! Oh! Alternative ending to Star Wars! Luke's father is Chewbacca! Oh! Oh!" Comic Book Guy had a Nerdgasm. "I'll give you five dollars."

"Sold!" said Martin's mom."

"No wait Mrs Prince! That stuff is valuable!" said Bart.

"Well! If this stuff is really valuable then it's going back in the leaky basement!" said Martin's mom.

She stormed out with Martin's stuff.

Comic book guy was not happy. He took out a camera. "Smile for the camera please."

Bart, Oscar and Milhouse smiled big grins. Oscar has a missing tooth.

They were then horrified to see their pictures added to the Banned for life wall alongside Sideshow Bob and Fat Tony of all people.

"You are banned for life! Get out of my store!" said Comic Book Guy.

"Banned for life?!" Bart gasped.

"Ay carumba! Sideshow Bob is Banned?!" Oscar yelled.

"Oscar is that really relevant- Wait. Sideshow Bob eh?" Bart asked as they were thrown out.


Bart was very upset at dinner which they ate in the kitchen again.

"I know how you feel boy. I remember my first life time ban..." said Homer.

There is a flashback to a comedy show where a man is about to smash a watermelon with a sledgehammer but someone took the watermelon and the comedian accidentally hit himself with the sledgehammer.

"Hey! Who took my watermelon?" said the man.

A young Homer was eating a giant watermelon. The audience weren't happy with him.

Homer was thrown out.

"And you are banned from all my live acts and TV Shows!" said the comedian.

"Can I still watch your movies?" Young Homer asked.

The comedian growled with frustration and went back inside.

Young Homer cried.

The flashback ended with present Homer still crying.

Lisa was reading a newspaper. "Look! Special effects master Tom Savini is holding a show at the Android's Dungeon!"

"He's behind such effects such as Friday the Thirteenth and Dawn of the Dead!" said Marge.

"Aw great... And I'm gonna miss it!" Bart whined.

"Don't worry Boy, I already have a plan!" said Homer.

"How could you? I just told you my problem!" said Bart.

"What kind of screwed up store would let minors see a horror special effects show anyway?" Oscar asked.


Homer was in the queue to Comic Book Guy's show with a tall man in a long coat behind him. The tall man has Milhouse's legs so it's obvious he's three kids standing on each other.

Comic book guy lets Homer in but rips off the tall man's coat.

"Three kid's on each other's shoulders. Oldest trick in the book. Get out." said Comic book guy to Bart, Oscar and Milhouse who were on each other's shoulders like a totem pole.

"Aww geez!" Bart groaned.

"I know another way in! Remember when you kicked the Collector's butt in Treehouse of Horror X?" Oscar lead them into the Android's Dungeon basement.

They hurried up the steps to the basement balcony over looking the Lucite tank and empty nylon PET bags before heading up to the trap door and stealthily watched the show from there.

"Gentlemen please be quiet for Tom Savini!" Comic book welcomed Tom Savini on.

The audience cheered.

"Thank you! Thank you! Uuuuuurp!" Tom belched. "Oops I just had a big dinner this evening."

"Wooooo! Dinner!" said Homer.

"Well I guess I could have one more French fry." Tom ate a fry but suddenly groaned in agony as his stomach inflated and exploded splattering everyone with guts.

Bart silently snickered a little peeved he didn't get covered in guts.

Then Tom took off his head and put it on a table to speak.

"But we all know about being headless don't we Spiro Agnew?" said Tom

In the audience Headless Spiro Agnew roared with anger. "Grrrrrrr! Aaaaaaaghhhhh!"

(Oscar no!- Bart.)

But it's funny!

"Oh please! I've seen Paul Lynde do that same hackneyed trick on Bewitched!" said Comic book guy eating a cookie.

"Uh that's not a cookie." said Tom Savini.

Comic Book guy was alarmed as blood oozed out of his mouth in large quantities.

"That was a time release dye pack." said Tom


Tom then congratulated Comic Book Guy for being a gracious host and falling for his time release blood filled dye pack. "You could be the perfect patsy." He shook hands with Comic Book Guy but his hand came off in Comic Book Guy's hand.

"Well I admire the craftsmanship but the fingers are a little-" the hand crawled down his back lick Thing from the Addams Family and gave him a wedgie. "Oh! Oh!"

Everyone laughed.

"Oh how original! Steal Mudboy's material will you!?" Mudboy ranted while sulking.

Peter Shepherd sighed.

"Oh mocking me now are you?!" Comic book guy said as the hand was still pulling his underwear. "Oooooh!" It tossed him into some cone hats.

Everyone was still laughing at him except Mudboy.

"That's it! You're all banned! Banned I say!" Comic book guy ranted with cone hats stuck on his man boobs!

Then in mid rant he had a heart attack and collapsed in agony while clutching his chest.

Tom Savini checked him over. "I think he's having a heart attack!"

The audience gasped.

Plot 2[]

At Springfield General Hospital.

Dr Payne was checking on him.

"Now you have had what we call a cardiac episode. Or heart attack in layman's terms." said Dr Payne.

"Worst episode ever." said Comic Book Guy.

"Yes now if-" Dr Payne was interrupted by Julius Hibbert banging on the window.

"Oh please! Just give me my job back!" Hibbert begged.

"No you blew it when you started locking up children in attics with this twaddle about evil twin syndrome." said Dr Payne.

"Did you at least see my joke about stealing Comic Book Guy's watch?" Hibbert whined as security dragged him away.

"No because that would be unprofessional and coming from you rather racist." said Dr Payne.

"Oh because I'm black a watch stealing joke would be poking fun at the stereotype of black people being criminals?! You sir are the racist!" Hibbert ranted as he was dragged away.

"Anyway. You owe these two boys your thanks. If they hadn't called 911 you'd be dead!" said Dr Payne.

"You saved me?!" Comic book Guy gasped.

"Yeah, after you were so mean to us!" said Bart.

"Then we're even." said Comic book Guy.

"You need to relax. What is your job Mr Comic Book Guy?" said Dr Payne.

"I run a comic book store." said Comic Book Guy.

"Oh Lord! We call that professional widow maker! If any of the proprietors were actually married..." said Dr Payne. "Now you need some time off. Perhaps have some friends run the store for you."

"Friends?" Comic book Guy asked.

"You do have friends don't you?" Dr Payne asked.

"The Super Friends?"

"You need friends that aren't printed on paper."

"Action figures?!"

"We could run the store!" said Bart and Milhouse.

"Ten year olds running a store?! What is this? Bizarro world?!" Comic book guy ranted.

"Hey you calm down or I'm putting a dog heart in there!" said Dr Payne.

”Coooooool!” said Oscar.

Hugo laughed.

Bart face palmed at Oscar and Hugo’s antics.


At Android's dungeon.

"Wow! We're finally running our own comic book store!" said Milhouse.

"Looks like our life time ban just expired!" said Bart removing their photos from the banned board. However this set off an alarm. "Sorry!" He hastily put them back which pacified the alarm.

Suddenly Sideshow Bob walked in.

"Nyaaaaaagh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart and Oscar screamed.

"Bart Simpson!" Sideshow Bob glared at Bart murderously.

"Wait! You can't come in here! You're banned mister!" said Bart to Bob.

"Oh you're still mad over my expertise on Shakespeare over your (shivers in disgust) Romeo and Juliet comics..." said Sideshow Bob.

"That's what got you banned?! You schooled Comic Book Guy on Shakespeare?!" Oscar asked.

Sideshow Bob muttered. "Anyhoo where is the bard of lard?"

"He's in hospital having suffered a heart attack." Bart explained.

"Surely that means my ban is rescinded during his absence?" Sideshow Bob asked.

"No because I'm banning you for constantly trying to kill me!" said Bart. "Now get out!"

"Yeah, why would you want comic books anyway?" Oscar asked.


Meanwhile Homer took Comic book Guy to his local bar, Moe's.

“Get out and take your Sacajawea dollars with you!” Moe shouted at Sam the green hat guy.

Moe shot and killed green hat guy.

”Oh my god! Moe! You killed Sam!” Lenny screamed.

Lisa as Sacajawea winced.

”Uh... It’s not usually so violent in here...” said Homer.

Comic book guy was very rude about the bar so he got thrown out.

”What can I get you?” Moe asked.

”A blackberry Schnapps.” said Comic Book Guy.

”Um... that’s just painted on.... I only serve Duff Beer...” said Moe.

”Feh! Beer is for losers!” said Comic Book Guy.

Moe, Lenny and Carl threw him out. He slide about on his fat belly. Gross...

"Now is there a word in Klingon for loneliness. (Comic book Guy reads Klingon dictionary.) Ah! (Klingon for loneliness)!" said Comic book Guy.

Elsewhere Where Milhouse was left in charge of the comic book store and stupidly bought thousands of Biclops comics, a comic about a dork wearing glasses like his own to impress Lisa. He looked at a grumpy picture of Bart pondering if he did the right thing.

"Ha! I took that photo when Bart was mad at me!" said Oscar giggling.

"He was really cross at you for breaking his desk chair..." said Lisa.


Comic Book Guy went to make friends when Agnes Skinner insulted him.

"Move it Lard butt." said Agnes.

"Oooooh! If it isn't Cinderella's wicked Stepmother!" said Comic book Guy.

"Why you ill mannered sack of crap!" said Agnes.

"Well I think we've finally found out what happened to Baby Jane!" said Comic Book Guy.

"Why you are the rudest young man who- has ever bought me dinner!" said Agnes falling in love.

"I do not believe I ever bought you-" Comic Book Guy fell in love too. Yuck!

Meanwhile the Biclops comics didn't sell very well as Kearney didn't want one.

”Ow!” Milhouse whined when Kearney hit him with a rolled up one.

”Aw they don’t even whack nerds right...” Kearney groaned.

Then a crow flew back with one and angrily tore it up.

”Even the crows don’t want them for their nests...” said Oscar.


Comic Book Guy took Agnes to the park and grabbed a boy’s remote control boat.

Agnes laughed evilly.

Then they insulted the sun set.

”What a hideous sunset...” Agnes sighed.

”Could it be any more orange...” said Comic Book Guy.

Be turned to Agnes. “Agnes. My harsh put downs amuse you. Just as your laugh at other’s misfortune brings me joy. I love you.”

”Kiss me funny face!” said Agnes and they snogged.

Oscar spying on them threw up in the bushes.

(Oscar vomits)


"Milhouse I can't believe you wasted all our money just because some guy shilled you into buying his crummy comics!" Bart was cross with him.

"So I made one bad decision!" Milhouse replied.

"Well it's my fault for trusting someone so young..." Bart sighed.

"You're only three months older!" Milhouse ranted.

"Oh look you haven't had your juice box! You're getting cranky..." said Bart.

"My straw broke and- That's besides the point! We're supposed to be partners and you're pushing me around like a playground popper!" said Milhouse angry.

Bart snickered. "It's a toy lawnmower!"

"I have feelings! I'm a human boy!" Milhouse yelled.

"Ssshhh! Use your indoor voice!" Bart explained.

"That does it!" Milhouse pulled up his sleeves and took off his glasses before realising he couldn't see without them and put them back on before doing a silly karate scream! "Aaaaaiiiieeeee!"

They both freeze in a comic book panel drawn to look as if they have enormous muscles. Um why would you draw that?

Oscar giggled as they started fighting. "Coooool! He screamed like you Teddy!"

"When have I ever screamed like that?!" Teddy the living teddy bear creature asked.

"You know when practicing your karate." said Oscar.

"Oh yeah..." Teddy the teddy bear creature changed into karate robes and did a stance while screaming "Aaaaaaaaaeeeeeeiiii!"

Meanwhile after Milhouse fly kicked Bart into a display case.

"Right that's it! En guarde!" Bart grabbed a transforming robot toy and turned it into an ax.

Milhouse did the same but his turned into a watering can. "D'oh!"

They started fighting with the transforming toys until they fell through a poster and down some stairs.

They found themselves in a hidden chamber filled with VHS tapes.

"Coooool! A secret cinema room!" said Bart.

"Look Bart! Bootleg tapes! This one is a top secret tape of George Bush Junior at a COBRA meeting! No one is ever supposed to see this!" said Milhouse.

"What was George Bush doing talking to Cobra Commander?!" said Bart.

Milhouse face palmed. "That's not what a COBRA meeting is!"

They watched some tapes including one of Mr Rodgers drunk...

"What do ya mean I can't take off my sweater? I'm hot!" Mr Rodgers yelled.


Bart and Milhouse had something to draw customers in.

Bart was chatting to his friends and customers. "Looking good. Bloodzilla? My favourite! Hahahaha! Vampire Dinosaur! You can't make it up!"

Ralph wanted to go in the adults only section but Bart stopped him.

"Oh please!" Ralph asked.

"Okay but stand on your tippy toes." said Bart.

Ralph went in on his toes. Some moments later. "Everyone has no clothes on!"

"Right that's it outta there Ralph! Ay Carumba!" Bart had to get Ralph out of there because he was too young to understand. However even Bart was shocked by what was in the adult section.

Then that evening the kids all watched the forbidden tapes in the secret cinema room.

"Look! The recording where Kent Brockman is picking his nose!" Milhouse put in a tape and it came on. "He's picking his nose!!"

Bart and the others groaned. "Milhouse...." Bart found a far more interesting tape.

"A police confession tape?! Those aren't supposed to leave the station!" said Milhouse.

The tape was of Ned Flanders making a confession.

"Now I'd hate to be a tattle tale..." said Ned on the tape.

"It's okay. Your yellow bellied snitching is safe in the strictest confidentiality." said Wiggum.

"Well... My neighbor Homer Simpson released a radioactive ape into my house and now it's taken over the entire upper floor!" said Ned.

"It wasn't Dad's fault! The ape tricked him!" Bart said to Milhouse.

"Hehehehe! Radioactive monkey!" Oscar laughed hysterically.


Meanwhile Marge and Homer went to the Springfield pier again and met Comic Book Guy and his girlfriend Agnes Skinner. They both ordered some all purpose meat. (The restaurants on the pier use the same miscellaneous meat regardless of what they advertised on their menus.)

"Eeeeew! She's old enough to be your grandma!" Homer commented.

"Homer!" Marge told Homer off.

“What? They do not belong together...” Homer sighed.

This didn’t bother Agnes and Comic Book Guy. They laughed and went off happily somewhere.

Elsewhere Oscar berated about mid matched couples on a forum.

”The following couples make me sick. Agnes and Comic Book Guy. Ned and Edna... Milhouse and Paris Texan...” Oscar typed.

He drank a soda.

Plot 3[]

Comic Book Guy was waiting At Skinner’s because he was dating Agnes.

”Why are you so infatuated with my mother?” Skinner asked disgusted.

”She completes me...” said Comic Book Guy wearing a suit and holding some flowers.

Skinner shivered in disgust.

Elsewhere Bart and most of fourth and second grade were watching bootleg videos at the Android's Dungeon in the secret cinema room. They were watching a top secret video of a US general discussing to the president of a nuclear war scenario if ever a nuclear war broke out.

"Attention Sir or Ma'am. Hopefully Sir." said the General.

"Woo! Got that right!" Bart and Milhouse high fived.

"Bart!!" Lisa yelled at them for being sexist.

"All allied nuclear weapons would be fired at Springfield to calibrate them."

The kids cheered for some bizarre reason.

Suddenly Wiggum and his officers bursted in!

"Freeze! Oh it's just kids. Okay young uns, line up in an orderly fashion. Come on, I haven't got all day..." said Wiggum. They all lined up.

"There's more pirated tapes here than a Chinese pirated tape store!" said Lou. "And some of these are confidential government material! How on earth did these kids get ahold of them?!"

"Are these your tapes Simpson?" Wiggum asked.

"No sir. We're just showing them for fun!" said Bart. "And to earn a quick buck..."

"Well whoever these really belong to is in more hot water than..." said Wiggum.

"A Japanese teabag?" said Lou.

"How about you lay off the Asians Lou..." said Wiggum.


At an apartment Comic Book Guy was having sex with Agnes. Yeeeuck!

Suddenly Wiggum and his officers broke in.

"Freeze! You're under arrest Comic Book Guy for possession of illegal videos! And EeeeeeeW! I'll lower your sentence for video piracy to a fine if you put some pants on! Geez!" Wiggum yelled.

Eddie was sick.

"It's okay Eddie. You're not human. You can't feel things." said Lou.

Apparently he’s an alien or something.

"Agnes, they can't keep us apart forever." CBG declared as he was being taken into custody. "Will you wait for me?"


”Hell No! I ain’t gonna be round forever!” said Agnes.


Bart and Milhouse were outside the Android's Dungeon as police put up police tape and confiscated the illegal tapes.

"Well, we may not have the store anymore but at least we're friends again..." said Milhouse.

"Milhouse that wasn't what our adventure was about today!" Bart explained.

"Then what was it?" said Milhouse.

"Us getting banned from our local comic store!" said Bart.

"Oh yeah...." Said Milhouse.

"Anyway... Looks like everything is back to normal..." said Bart.

Ned drove past with a radioactive baboon in the car with him! XD

The baboon kept slapping Ned.

"Ow! I told you if you want me to turn, point where you want to go!" Ned explained. "Ow! That's one way! Ow! Now what was that for?!"

The End!