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The Simpsons go South When the Simpsons house starts subsiding into the ground and Homer can't afford to fix it, they all move down south, to yokel country. Homer then finds a way to get rich quick by helping a beautiful country singer called Lurleen Lumpkin get famous by being her manager. However Marge gets jealous...

Plot[]

One night Homer and Marge are clearly getting it on in bed, (Uuuuugh!) when all of a sudden Bart disturbs them in mid snog because he can't sleep.

"Ah! Don't turn on the light! Don't turn on the light!" Marge and Homer yell while Marge covers herself with a pillow.

"Eeeew! My eyes!" Bart shut his eyes.

"Bart! Why are you out of bed?!" Homer asked annoyed.

"There's a UFO outside my window! And I'm scared! Can I sleep with you guys tonight?" Bart is clearly unnerved by something.

"Hrrrrrm..." Marge sighs. “No.”

After getting decent, Marge returns Bart to his room. Outside his bedroom window in the branches of the nearby tree is a brightly coloured parasol.

"Bart... That's just a parasol..." Marge sighed. The parasol escaped and flew at the window and bounced off as the wind took it somewhere else. Bart screamed as it hit the window.

"Can't I sleep with you?" Bart asked.

"No you can't!" Marge explained.

"Can I sit on the roof with a gun in case a UFO does come?" Bart says shivering.

"Yes just don't bother us for the rest of the night!" Marge sighed.

Marge sighed and went back to bed. However she wasn't in a snuggling mood, and Homer was sleeping anyway. She went to sleep as Bart was climbing up onto the roof with Oscar's Shotgun slung over his shoulders.

"Waitaminute! Bart's on the roof? With a gun?! Man have I been drinking!" Marge woke with a start when she realised what she let Bart do just to get him to stop bothering her.

Bart suddenly fell off the roof with a yell. However he was unhurt as he was able to run to the front door and ring the bell.

...

The next day Marge is drinking her morning cup of coffee and puts it down on the kitchen side only for it to slide across the worktop and fall off and smash.

"What the?" She put another cup down. The same happened.

...

Meanwhile Homer and the kids are watching TV.

"Homer, can I have a word?" Marge asked.

"Sure Honey." Homer replied.

"I think the house is slanting!" Marge explaining. The house shook as outside it is shown to be sinking further into the ground on an incline.

"Oh that's just silly! Houses don't slant!" Homer replied.

Suddenly Maggie slid down the slanted lounge towards a fan with exposed blades That Homer had on for some reason despite the weather. The furniture including the piano followed her.

"Dad!" Bart and Lisa yelled. Homer grabbed her just in time.

"Homer I really think you should call someone one out to check the house." Marge sighed.

"Fine..." Homer sighed.

...

Some time later a handyman arrived. He was in the basement with Marge and Homer. He explained the house was subsiding because of a sinkhole under it.

"Can you sort it out?" Marge asked.

"Yes but it's gonna cost you." The man offered a very expensive price that Homer simply couldn't afford.

"Uh uh! No way! We can't afford that!" Homer argued.

“Mr Simpson I’m sorry but I really must-“ said the gruff worker.

”Get out...” said Homer coldly.

After the man had gone, Homer got out his tools and tried to fix the problem himself.

"Homer... You're not qualified to sort out a house subsiding!" Marge nagged him. "Just pay the man!"

"I can't afford it! Unless we take it out of Lisa's college fund..." Homer explained.

"Oh no! Absolutely no way!" Marge gasped.

"Not my college fund!" Lisa yelled from upstairs.

"My point exactly. We can't afford it. Now let me fix it..." Homer sighed.

Marge grumbled.

...

That afternoon Homer watched a video by Troy McClure on sorting out a subsided foundation. He went threw all the steps.

”Hi I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such DIY-“ said Troy. Homer annoyed fast forwarded the tape to skip Troy McClure saying all the films he was in.

Troy was then explaining at a reasonable pace the steps to getting started.

'Hey waitaminute! Slow down!" Homer begged. "What was that about concrete? Awwww..." Homer realised the job was harder than it looked.

...

That night. Marge is having words with Homer in bed about the house.

"Homer we can't live like this... You'll have to find the money from somewhere. Or I could get a job!"

"What?! But who will look after Maggie?!" Homer asked.

"She can go in a day nursery." Marge sighed.

"Just hold onto that idea for now. I'll find us the money somehow." Homer explained.

"Well you better hurry. The slanting is getting even worse!" Marge lamented.

Suddenly Bart fell out of his bedroom window because it was on the side of the house that was sinking into the ground. Marge and Homer saw him from their bedroom window land on lawn leading round the side of the house and then get up to ring on the doorbell. They heard him running and the door bell rang.

...

The next day at work Homer went to Mr Burns's office.

"Um Mr Burns, I'm sure you'll find my request reasonable... (Mr Burns has his finger on a hidden button under his desk.)"

"Go on Homer." Mr Burns asks, pretending to be sympathetic.

"Well I was wondering if I could get a raise." Homer asked. Mr Burns pushed the desk button. While Homer was jabbering two heavy goons, Crusher and Lowblow came in. "Oh... Hi guys..." Homer sighed as the goons dragged him out of the office. "Well, at least I tried..."

...

To take his nagging family’s mind off the slanting house, Homer took the family out that evening to the cinema.

“Look, Dad, there's a spot.” said Bart. But a car quickly took it.

“D'oh!” Homer groaned

“There's a spot, dear.” said Marge. But a red car took it.

“D'oh!” Homer groaned.

”Oh, there's a good one.” said Homer seeing a spot for smaller cars.

”That spot says "compact only."” Marge explained.

“Marge, that's just a suggested car size.” said Homer. He tried to squeeze his pink sedan in there.

”Easy. Easy. How am I doin' on the right?“ Homer asked Bart as the car got scratched up.

“We're getting a lot of sparks here, Dad.” said Bart.

“Uh-huh. Easy. Easy. Perfect.” said Homer. “All right, everybody, out the window.” The Simpsons crawl out through the car windows.

They look up at the films the Aztec theatre is showing this film season.

“They all look great. What are we going to see?” Homer asked. He listed the following films.

“Ernest Cuts the Cheese.!”

Oscar screamed with laughter.

”Ow! Oz don’t scream so loud!” Bart groaned.

“Honey, I Hit a School Bus.!”

“Look Who's Oinking.!”

”Another Happy Little Elves film that we can get cheaper when it comes out on tape...”

”Space Mutants III! Coooool!” said Bart. If four was out in season one why is an older one being shown?! Eh... best not to question it...

“Since we'll never agree, why don't you kids pick a movie... your dad and I will pick one, then we'll all meet in the lobby later.” said Marge.

”Thanks, Mom.“ said the kids taking Oscar with them.

“Two tickets for-- Let me guess. Look Who's Oinking.” Raphael the sarcastic guy sighed.

”That's right.” said Homer eager.

“Sold out.” said Raphael.

Homer whined.

“Maybe we could see something a little more adult.” said Marge.

”Why, Marge, you frisky little devil. [ Sexy Growl ]” said Homer growling a sexy growl and embracing his wife.

Marge giggled. “Oh Homie!”

”We'll take two tickets to The Stockholm Affair.” said Homer. I was hoping for Sexy beach girls XXX or something pornographic...

”Ooh. The paper called it a taut political thriller.” Marge said interested.

Oooooooh! Political?“ Homer whined.

”Mr. President, disturbing news. Serious cracks are developing in the Greco-Bolivian alliance.“ said some guy in the movie as Marge and Homer sat down. Homer had lots of snacks...

Like in Homer Writes a Film Homer talked through the entire film, annoying people.

Meanwhile like in said episode Bart made Lisa and Maggie watch Space Mutants III.

”Bart no! That film is really scary! I want to watch Happy Little Elves the movie with Maggie!” Lisa whined.

But they watched Bart’s choice of film, Space Mutants and Lisa was traumatised and extremely frightened when Bart tricked her into opening her eyes at the scary bit.

”just tell me when it’s over...” said Lisa covering her eyes.

”It’s over.” said Bart.

A red glow from the film lit up up the room and there were screams and horrid crunching sounds and the mutants roaring.

”Aaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuggghhhh!” Lisa screamed.

Bart laughed evilly.

...

One weekend Marge came home from the shops with Maggie and Lisa to find a crowd outside her house and Bart at a table with a megaphone and wearing a vaudeville hat.

"Step right up people and witness the one and only wacky shack! All sorts of surreal horrors lurk within it's walls! Like Cueball, the man with no hair!" Bart was putting on some sort of carnival exhibition/freakshow.

Homer came to the window the moment Bart addressed him as Cueball. "Bart! What are you doing?!"

"Oh my god! He's hideous!" A lady in the crowd remarked in horror.

”I heard they shaved a gorilla.” A man remarked.

"Bart! Stop that! Go inside!" Marge told him off. "And as for you lot, get out of here! You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!"

...

After putting the shopping away Marge and Homer had further words. Marge upon finding Homer was unable to find the money insisted she get a job. However Cletus was going through their bins.

"If you fancy folks need the money to what fix your funny looking house, there's always work down south." Cletus explained.

"There we go. I could find work down south where those funny yokel people live and you can still stay at home and look after Maggie and the house.

"Hrrrmmmm! Homer I'm not just a house wife... I can work, I've done jobs before..." Marge sighed.

"I know sweetie, but a day nursery or nanny is just an unnecessary expense! We'll still be spending more than we'll both be earning." Homer insisted.

The house slanted further. At Brillig/broiling hour, about four in the afternoon Homer was sorting out his old records from the attic with the trap door open. When the house slanted sharply, Hugo fell out of the attic.

”D’oh!” Homer groaned.

Hugo growled in a beastly manner and ran off on his hands and feet like a dog.

”Get back here you freak!” Homer yelled.

Plot 2[]

However when the kids learned they'll be moving to Hicksville they weren't happy.

"Dad! Yokels are backward and prejudice bigots!" Lisa yelled.

"Oh great here comes Little miss Knowitall... Boy what do you think?" Homer sighed.

"Dad Yokels are embarrassing... They're the butt of every joke... there's so many things to poke fun of them... They’re stupidly racist... They marry their cousins or even siblings... Their music is lame..." Bart explained as Lisa was still ranting about how bigoted southerners were.

"I think Yokels are cool though! And you can't have yokels with out bears!" Oscar chipped in.

"That's right!" his teddy bear, Teddy explained. "Some of my family come from the south."

"Well why am I asking you kids, we're going and that's final..." Homer insisted.

”Homer... I know you’re set on this idea but try to be diplomatic! The kids will just rebel...” Marge sighed.

”Yeah Dad...” Bart frowned.

”Look, it won’t be that bad...” Homer said in his harsh Walter Matthau voice. “The Simpsons are going South. Just like when Fievel Goes west...”

Oscar laughed hysterically.

”Daaad! Don’t encourage him...” Bart sighed.

”But they’re just like us! There’s a mommy and a daddy. They have a boy called Fievel, a daughter Tanya and their baby daughter Yasha. Like your little sister Maggie!” said Homer being silly.

Oscar laughed.

”Homer a moment please...” Marge takes him out to the hallway where the kids can’t hear. Obviously they’ll eavesdrop...

”Homer we can’t just up sticks and move elsewhere! We have our lives here. And well... you can’t leave Hugo behind! That’s cruel!”

Homer sighed.

”Lis, who’s Hugo?” Bart whisper to Lisa.

”I don’t know! This is rather weird...” said Lisa.

...

The Simpsons drove down south.

The kids get in. Homer is putting a pet carrier for small pets like a cat for example in the trunk. What’s inside the pet carrier growls at Homer.

”Quiet Freak!” Homer snapped.

They headed off down south.

The kids decided in revenge to annoy him by going "Are we there yet?" Constantly until they arrived at Cletus's allotment.

”Are we there yet?”

”No.”

”Are we there yet?”

”No!”

”Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet?”

...

The Simpsons parked up at the Yokel neighbourhood where Cleatus and his family live.

"Hey there fancy city folks! Let me introduce the family. Here's my wife and sister Brandine. (The Simpson kids gagged) My second cousin Alfie Spuckler. (A fat yokel with missing teeth wearing a checkered shirt and trousers with braces and brandishing a shotgun waved at them. Secound cousin Blondie, my kids, Crystal Meth Spuckler, Incest Spuckler, Born in Disney Land Spuckler, Addem-up Spuckler, Stabbed in jail Spuckler. Some of dem we named after what will happen to them." Cletus introduced everyone. The kids were a brown haired girl with pigtails and sunglasses, a boy with a green jacket and a backwards baseball cap and messy brown hair and buck teeth, a brown haired boy wearing a Mickey Mouse hat from Disney Land and a blue babygro (footed pyjamas), a blond boy and a black haired boy in a vest poking a sharpened stick.

"We'll see who gets stabbed in jail..." Stabbed in Jail Spuckler retorted.

The Simpsons cringed.

"And here's Mary Spuckler." Cletus finished listing his bizarre children. However Mary was completely normal. In fact Bart found the red haired girl with pigtails and freckles quite pretty. In later episodes they’re in a relationship....

...

The Simpsons soon reluctantly settled into their new home. They went off and did their own things. Homer hung out with Cletus, Marge looked after Maggie and the caravan Cletus provided for them to stay in, and the kids hung out with the Spuckler kids.

However the Spuckler kids were just embarrassing especially some of the deformed ones.

Bart, Lisa, Maggie and Oscar cringed as the ugly deformed children poked them.

"Okay quit crowding the Simpsons!" Mary made her siblings stop bothering the Simpson kids and Oscar.

"Thanks there." Lisa explained. "I'm Lisa and this is my brother Bart, and our friend Oscar."

"Names Mary. Of course my pa probably introduced everyone already." Mary explained.

Bart was entranced by her.

"Thanks Mary. Oh, looks Like Oscar's gone off on his own. I'll catch you later..." Lisa went off after him.

”So....” said Mary. Bart was making bedroom eyes at her.

”Hubba hubba...” he moaned aroused.

...

Oscar came across some distant or probably not so distant family members of the Spucklers. (Probably too close given the yokel habit of marrying their cousins/siblings...) Sitting on the balcony were some men playing banjos and drinking moonshine. However sitting on a barrel was a baby wearing just a diaper. He was playing a banjo.

"That baby's pretty good with that banjo." Oscar remarked.

"Why thank you kindly stranger." said the baby.

"Wait you can talk??" Oscar was taken aback by the talking baby.

"Why of course he can talk. Took us the best part of three years to get him to talk. Still can't get him to use the outhouse though." said one of the men.

"That's nothing. I'm nine and I still don't want to use the outhouse, although the Simpsons have those fancy indoor ones. In fact I'm wearing a diaper right now..." Oscar explained.

"I'm sure your folks are pleased to hear that..." said a yokel man with a bit of straw in his mouth.

Oscar looked sad. "My parents died when I was very young." he explained.

"Oh that's too bad. How's about we all have a hootenanny to cheer you up." said a fat yokel.

"That's a hoedown! Yelled an elderly yokel from the upstairs window.

"Gentlemen please... It can be called either. It's still a joyful moment of fine banjo playing." Oscar called for them to settle their differences.

"Yup, the finest bluegrass tunes. Here's a little something we like to play when we're down." said the straw chewing hillbilly. They played their banjos. Oscar sat down besides the diaper wearing boy and listened to the music.

Eventually Bart came past with his fingers in his ears annoyed by the cacophony.

The yokels soon had to stop for lunch.

...

However lunch was possum. The Simpsons didn't want to eat it. Not even Oscar.

...

They went hungry, Oscar however needed food somehow. He summoned Teddy and evolved him into his ultimate form, that looked like an orange and yellow fully grown male bear with a big shiny wet black nose. He looked very cartoony looking. Oscar decided to ride on him into the forest wearing nothing except a diaper.

"I'm starving! Can't you find any fruit or something?"

"Ain't no fruit here kiddo." Teddy explained. He then sniffed with his big wet shiny black nose. "I smell fish!" The bear bounded towards a river with the little diaper wearing boy riding on his back. Teddy caught some fish despite causing a scene splashing everywhere.

The Spuckler's fire from lunch was still lit so Oscar cooked his fish on it.

"I may not know anything bout why you humans cook your food, but I do know you're not safe near an open fire, stay back kiddo. Just tell me when it's cooked." Teddy pulled Oscar back from the fire.

"Ok but if someone sees you you'll have to hide. I don't think bears and Yokels get along like they do in cartoons." Oscar replied.

"Actually only the big ones bother us. That's when we have to shoo them. Now begone with you!" A Yokels explained as he tried to shoo away Teddy in his evolved form.

"Don't do that please. You've got nothing to worry bout, he's um my pet." Oscar explained. Teddy didn't approve being referred to as his pet.

Eventually Oscar's fish was cooked. He sat at the table and ate.

...

That evening Homer asked where the local tavern was.

"That fancy people's drinking hole is just up the road. Us folks just like to drink moonshine. You should try some.

"Um, no thanks." Homer replied as he got in his car. He was stupid, but not that stupid enough to drink something that would blind him.

That evening Homer drove his car into the night and drove along the highway and saw the billboard 'Flaming Pete's (picture of a steak) 75 miles'.

"Mmmmmm…." Homer moaned joyfully.

The next night, Homer looked bored as he saw another billboard 'Flaming Pete's (picture of a steak) 30 miles' and slurped his lips.

The next night, Homer looked bored as he saw another billboard 'Flaming Pete's (picture of a steak) Next exit'.

"Mmmmmm…." Homer said as he passed at Flaming Pete's he was dismayed to find it had burnt down. He gasped and whimpered. I mean the burning joke is easy I would have made a gay joke. Flaming? Geddit?

Homer drove longer and smelt so stinky.

"Ew, a skunk!" Homer groaned.

“Ohonhonhonhon! Mom ami I am stinky but oh so romantic!” said Pepe Le Pew. “Oh no!” He got ran over by Homer’s pink car.

Homer breathed in and held his breath and passed by was a massive pile of fertilizer and inhaled and breathed out and breathed again and held his breath and passed by was the county dump and inhaled again as his face turned into red before he had to breathe again as he passed by was the sulfur mine and gasped as his face turned back to normal before he pounded his wheel and held his breath and inhaled again and gasped and drove past by the open sewers. They went for some time as he turned red and purple.

"Oh no!" said Homer as he breathed to gasp and held his breath.

At the tavern he asked for his usual, Duff.

"Duff? We don't sell that round here. All we have is Fudd." said the bartender.

"Ok, Fudd me." Homer replied. He paid for a bottle of Fudd and drank it.

The band finished playing and announced the next act, Lurleen Lumpkin. A very beautiful blonde lady came on and started playing on a guitar while singing songs quite similar to Dolly Parton's style. The men in the tavern cheered. Homer was entranced by her singing. And possibly good looks.

After she finished it was time for everyone to go.

Homer wanted a word with her though. "Lurleen, may I have a word."

"Sure but make it quick, I have to get back to my trailer."

"That was some beautiful music! You should sell your music." Homer suggested.

"Thanks Honey, but I'd need a manager!" Lurleen asked.

"I could be your manager!" Homer replied.

"But we've just met! I don't even know your name!" Lurleen explained.

"I'm Homer Simpson. At least let me help you sell that song and any other songs you have in that pretty little head of yours." Homer replied.

"Oh you're so sweet! Ok it's a deal!" said Lurleen.

...

The next morning Homer took Lurleen to a recording studio where she sung her song. The workers at the studio liked her music so much they wanted her back. They even let Homer be her manager if she wanted.

"Of course!" Lurleen was happy with the idea.

"Good because I was already thinking of calling myself Colonel Homer. Mmmmm... Colonel's chicken..." Homer replied.

That night Homer told his family the good news.

"You're managing a singer? Well that's lovely I suppose. Are they male? Female? Young? Old?" Marge asked.

"She's fairly young. She's got the looks as well as a lovely voice." Homer explained.

Marge hmmmmmmed. She was getting jealous just about.

"Look don't make that sound at me, this is strictly professional. I'm her manager and that's that." Homer explained.

...

The next day Bart was mooching around when Mary decided to hang out with him. They quickly developed a friendship, especially over poking corpses.

"Don't go straight for the eyes. Work your way to them." Bart explained as they poked a corpse.

Plot 3[]

Meanwhile at School Lisa was triggered by the confederate flag in the classroom and ran out screaming. Very few kids actually bothered to attend school so they weren't made to, that's why Bart's mooching around.

...

That evening Homer took the family to listen to Lurleen sing. However Lurleen got Marge's back up by flirting with Homer. And she sung about bagging her a Homer... Mmmmmm... double entendre... At the end of one song...

"Um, there appears to be some sort of grinding sound being picked up by the mics..." said the staff. Marge was angrily grinding her teeth.

During another song Bart started ham boning while making silly faces and noises to take the mick out of yokels.

"Stop that!" Homer told him off.

Lisa then played her saxophone with Lurleen in one song.

Bart then started pressing his face against the booth glass and pulling faces. Oscar laughed hysterically until Homer yanked Bart away from the window.

"Sit down and stop goofing off!" Homer yelled at Bart.

Then Oscar was being uh... inappropriate...

”Ms Lumpkin?” He asked.

”Yes, honey?” Lurleen asked.

“Your song touched me in a way I've never felt before.” said Oscar. Lurleen sighed thinking he was being polite. “And which way to the can?”

”Oz! Gross!” The Simpsons groaned.

”I need the bathroom... I gotta pee...” said Oscar.

”Yeah sure... We know what you’re gonna do in there...” Bart muttered disgusted.

...

Marge out of jealousy and insecurity over Lurleen decides to contradict Homer and make his and Lurleen's time difficult.

"Don't be so hard him. He's just a little bored." Marge said while giving Bart a sly grin. Homer growled as he went back to listening to Lurleen sing.

Bart then tried to turn up a dial on the DJ/Recording Studio Manager's board while he was working but he slapped Bart's hand. Bart winced and pulled a pained expression. Marge glared at the man.

Maggie was crawling on the dial and switch board that controlled things like bass and treble and the inside of the booth. She was watching the arrows on some of the displays moving and following with her pupils.

"Ma'am the studio's not a playroom, please get your baby off of there." A DJ asked Marge. She grumbled angrily as she collected Maggie.

Homer glared at Marge's stubbornness.

...

That night Marge didn't want to speak to him. She didn't even want him to continue seeing Lurleen.

"Marge this is my boyhood dream, managering a beautiful country and western star." Homer in his Colonel Homer costume insisted. Way to put your foot in it Homer, saying it had to be a 'beautiful' country and western star...

"Your boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest Hoagie sandwich. And you've attempted that countless times! And then get sick from trying to finish them when they've gone mouldy!" Marge retorted. "I don't want you seeing that cocktail waitress anymore!"

"Marge I'm going to be Lurleen's manager whether you like it or not!" Homer insisted.

"Fine! See if I care!" Marge hid under the covers as Homer left the room in his cowboy costume to go to see Lurleen. At 2 am!

...

The next day they bickered again and Homer put his foot in it saying he was in Lurleen's trailer watching her try on some costumes... suddenly the caravan phone rings. Lurleen is on the other side.

"You want to see the family again. Hang on I'll see what my wife thinks." Homer asked. Marge growled.

"It's a date!" Homer replied.

At the recording studio it wasn't long before Bart started misbehaving again. This time when he tried to fiddle with the switches and dials that controlled things such as bass and treble Oscar knocked out one of the DJs with a tranquilliser dart when he was about to slap Bart's hand.

Bart's adjustment of one of the switches messed up the background instrumentals.

"Oh dear! Hank what's going on out there? Hank?" Lurleen called to the DJs. But Oscar was clinging to the other Dj's head while the first one was unconscious and Bart was screwing with the dials until Homer grabbed and strangled him.

That night Homer was furious with his family. Particularly Marge and Bart.

"What is your problem?! I'm trying to earn enough money to fix our house!" Homer ranted.

"Homer there are dozens of jobs you or I could do to earn money! You do not need to be chasing a bit of skirt!" Marge yelled.

"I keep telling you I'm just her manager! It's strictly professional!" Homer yelled back.

"Well she doesn't seem to think so! Maybe you should tell her that!" Marge retorted.

Homer stormed off in his cowboy costume.

"As much as we all hate that man right now. You've got to love that suit!" Bart remarked.

...

After another night of work a man wanted to buy Lurleen off of Homer.

"No way. They don't call me Colonel because I'm some dumb-ass army guy!" Homer dismissed the man.

Homer went to talk with Lurleen about her songs. She had anew one, but it was very risqué.

"There isn't a man alive who wouldn't be turned on by that song!" Homer replied after she finished singing.

"Homer, there was a hidden meaning in that song. Let sing it again." Lurleen explained. "Bunk with me toniiiight."

Homer didn't get it.

So Lurleen sung again slower and clearer. Eventually Homer got the meaning of the song.

"Lurleen!?! I'm flattered, but I'm a married man! Oh sheesh! No wonder Marge is mad at me!" Homer yelped as he backed away from her.

...

Meanwhile The rest of the family were watching a hillbilly musical show featuring Lurleen singing one of her songs. However first it had a rather piss taking title sequence poking fun at yokel stereotypes with a cartoon donkey drinking moonshine and his head exploding. Then showing all the guests on the show who were all typical yokels. Oscar thought the young lady in a bikini was pretty until she smiled showing her missing teeth.

"Ay carumba!" He yelled.

"Hrrrrrmmm, this whole show is nothing but negative stereotypes!" Lisa moaned.

"What do you care? You thought they were all bigots!" Bart retorted.

"They are! But the Spuckler kids need a second chance before their parents prejudice is brought upon them! And making Yokels the butt of every stupid, inbred hick joke isn't helping!" Lisa ranted.

"Lisa please, Your Dad's floozy is on." Marge hushed Lisa.

Lurleen was singing her latest song "I've finally bagged me a Homer!"

Marge was furious. "Hmmmmmmmm!" She stormed off to her room.

"Dad's in the dog house... Or divorced..." Bart sighed.

"I don't think so Bart. Dad's being rather stubborn and clueless. But I think this is all Lurleen's doing. I think she has a crush on him." Lisa explained.

"Why would anyone fancy the fat bald one?!" Bart said in disbelief.

"I don't know. All I know is she seems to be up to no good..." Lisa replied.

...

Back at Lurleen's room.

"But Homer, I love you!" Lurleen backed him into a corner.

"Stay away! You've over stepped the mark Lurleen! I quit!" Homer stormed out. The man who wanted to buy her was waiting.

"That offers still available?" Homer asked.

"Yup." said the man.

"She's yours. Name your price." Homer replied

The man gave a very low offer.

"Why you dirty, rotten-! Fine! Deal!" Homer accepted the deal.

He went home.

"Colonel Homer wait!!" Lurleen yelled but it was too late.

...

Homer arrived back at the allotment and went to the shared bedroom of the caravan.

Marge was waiting.

"Is there room in that bed for dag burn fool?" Homer asked.

"Always has." Marge was willing to give Homer a second chance.

Homer got undressed and got into bed. Lurleen was on the TV.

"This song is called stand by your manager." She sung her song. At first Marge glared at the TV when Lurleen mentioned in song that she tried to woo Homer. However Marge smiled lovingly at Homer when Lurleen in song explained that Homer ran away and didn't accept her proposal. And sung that Marge was a lucky woman to have such a loyal husband.

"Oh Homer!" Marge said as they snogged. Yeeeeuck!

...

The next morning they went home because Homer earned enough money as Lurleen's manager to pay the repair man to fix the house. After a few weeks it was back to normal.

"I miss those yokels... they were funny!" Oscar sighed.

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