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The Simpsons Tall Stories At a book reading club, Lisa is exasperated that no one read this month's best seller so she asks everyone to tell a story, but make it original enough so that they don't get sued. Chaos soon insues.

Plot[]

Lisa is annoyed that everyone at the Springfield book club didn't read this month's book.

"You mean no one read this month's book?!" Lisa yelled. Amusingly the book is an autobiography about Bleeding Gums Murphy called Floss I hardly Knew Ye. Hehehe! His dental health is poor...

"Are you lot serious! You're telling me you didn't read this month's book?!" Lisa yelled.

Everyone murmured excuses for why they didn't read it.

"Hey I'm just here for the snacks." said Homer.

"Speaking of which, where have they gone?!" Skinner asked. The box of donuts was empty!

"You should have arrived on time." said Homer.

"I was here half an hour early!" said Skinner.

Lisa sighed.

"I'm sorry Lisa, but if I wanted to read about another depressed soul working himself to an early grave baring his misery to everyone I'd read my own diary." said Apu.

Hugo garbled and growled while scratching himself like a dog does when it has fleas.

"How about we read Radioactive Man Issue 35?" Bart asked holding a Radioactive Man comic.

"No Bart..." said Lisa.

"But comics are the only thing I'll read..." Bart whined.

"The health warning on the back of my pack of cigarettes is like a short story..." said Patty.

"I have a good read here!" Ned had a bible.

"I only like the violent bits. Or freaky bits. Like how did Cain and Abel make more humans without any wives..." said Oscar.

"Aaaaarrrrrrrr! Can anyone here read a treasure map?" asked Sea Captain holding a map.

"Aye aye captain!" said Oscar saluting him.

"Ok, everyone come up with a story that inspired you, but change it enough that it's original..."

“Can I read the Dinosaur that Pooped Christmss?” Oscar asked.

“No Oscar...” Lisa groaned.

Bart laughed. “The dinosaur that pooped Christmas! Oh Dougie Poynter...”

Oscar pouted that he couldn't read The Dinosaur that pooped Christmas.

"Okay, okay. I don't wanna seem like a book-tator like Oprah." saud Lisa.

Oprah as a military dictator wearing books as armour stormed in.

"Read my autobiography or suffer!" Book-tator Oprah boomed.

Lisa winced.

...

After Booktator Oprah left.

Hugo chewed on a book.

“Hugo don’t chew the books!” Lisa whined.

“Lisa he’s teething!” Oscar snapped.

“Well give him something else to sooth him!” said Lisa.

"Anyway. Who wants to start with a story?" Lisa asked everyone.

"Arrrrr! I will wee lass! Listen round while I tell you all a sea shanty..." said Sea Captain.

"Oh great... Captain Hogwash has a story...." Bart groaned.

The sea captain told a story of an old mariner in a bar.

"Are you the bar tender?" He asked the bar tender.

"Ya think I'm a cowboy or something?" said the bar tender who strangely resembled Pooeye...

A beautiful lady mistook Sea Captain's character for a legendary mariner called the Ancient Mariner.

He humoured her and told her a story. A story of wise cracking seagulls played by Ol' Gil.

The Middle aged Mariner

The old mariner was on his ship being nice to his crew. His leadership style being like Mr Krabs.

A talking seagull voiced by Gil wanted food and shelter. Also he was annoying and bathed in the soup making everyone sick.

Drove the crew to suicide with depressing songs.

And despite boasting he had exceptional navigation skills. Guiding the ship off the face of the flat Earth. Sea Captain, ship and all plummeted into oblivion.

"Sir, the Earth is not flat... it's round..." Lisa sighed.

"Arrrrrr! That's what the fat cat globe makers want you to think..." said Sea Captain.

"Uh no... Aristotle discovered the Earth was round. Which was rather enlightening of him considering his theories that Earth is the centre of our solar system...." said Hugo.

Sea captain continued his story. He finally found a use for Gil the gull. An ice breaker when talking to the ladies.

However he put off the pretty lady by reminding Sea Captain he had a full body rash he picked up in Bangkok he needed to see the doctor about.

"Eeeeeeew!" said the red haired lady.

"Okay. That was a story." said Lisa. "Who's next?"

"Oh me mr me!" said Homer.

"Okay Dad. Tell us a story." saud Lisa.

Homer started. "It's called the little engine that couldn't." His story was an obvious parody of Thomas the Tank Engine and The little engine that could.

The Little Engine that couldn't

It was about the citizens of Springfield as trains, with Smithers as the station master.

“Or the fat controller” Oscar replied.

“Stop interrupting!” Homer whined. “Now where was I? Oh yeah...”

Bart laughed. "Fat controller..." Homer throttled him.

"Oz we call him Sir Topham Hat in America for that exact reason..." said Lisa.

"Kids please don't interrupt..." Homer groaned.

The main character is portrayed by Homer as a lazy train who doesn't like doing work. Apparently he is tired because he was at a bar on the wrong side of the tracks last night.

“Homer, I know you were at that bar on the wrong side of the tracks last night...” said Smithers.

Oscar interrupts.

“Aaaaaaagh! They’re steam trains! And they have faces!” He laughs madly like Homer did in Treehouse of Horror IV when he saw the dogs playing poker painting.

“Um okay...” Homer narrated.

Homer is sent to deliver toys to an orphanage, but he must go up a hill to get there. Along the way he meets Flanders as another train and after being annoyed by his cheerful attitude,

"Hi diddly ho! Homerino!" said Ned as a train.

"Oh blow it out your smoke stack!” Homer train yelled.

“It’s the only way to!” Ned replied chuckling. Homer tricks Flanders into doing his work for him and goes back to the station to refuel.

Then Ringo Starr was narrating for some reason.

"And Thomas had to deliver toys to Santa's grotto. We all live on a yellow submarine! Lucy in the skyyyyy with diamonds! Hit it John!"

“Of god no! Why Ringo?! Why would you narrate a sappy children’s show with lame cartoon trains with faces!?” Oscar whined.

“Kid stop interrupting...” Homer growled.

The station is like a bar, but trains don’t drink beer. They go to get refuelled with hot coal. Moe is in charge of refuelling the trains.

"Ok that was a good Story Dad. Maggie would like that one!" Lisa said before Grampa offered to tell a story.

"Ok, but no war stories that go off in a tangent..." Lisa explained. Grampa waved his stick furiously and spoke rapidly and unclearly to express his annoyance at Lisa insulting his stories. Then he calmed down and told the story.

It was a loose parody of The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe with Bart and Lisa as the two youngest of the Pevensie siblings. Bart has followed Lisa into Narnia, or at least a lose parody of it.

The Lion, the witch and the Closet

"See, I told you there was a whole other world in here." Lisa explained as they found themselves in a wintery world where it's constantly snowing.

"And I was trying to find a world in the toilet..." Bart looked around in wonder. Suddenly Mr Tumnus played by Comicbook guy appears.

"Greetings children! I am Mr Tumnus! Come with me!" said Mr Tumnus.

"You're a magnificent pagan beast." said Llewelyn Sinclair as some sort of Narnia mythical being.

"Thank you." said Comic Book Guy Mr Tumnus.

"No offence, but our parents told us not to go off with strangers." Lisa explained.

Then Oscar bare foot marched into Narnia from the wardrobe interior angry at Mr Tumnus.

“Give me my socks back! You hairy goat bastard!” Oscar swore.

“Oz language!” Lisa as Lucy scolded Oscar for swearing.

Comicbook Guy Mr Tumnus made a goat bleating sound and ran away holding a sock.

“Hey come back!” Oscar ran after him.

The evil snow queen Jadis, played by Agnes Skinner arrived in her ice chariot. "No come with me! I have Turkish delight!" said Jadis.

"Well you can't say no to some good old Turkish delight!" Bart as Edmund is tempted to go with Jadis.

"No! The Snow Queen is dan-diddly-angerous!" said Ned as Aslan the lion.

"Excuse me, but why would a lion from Africa be found living in such a cold climate like this?" Lisa asked.

"Well, actually I'm an allegory for-" Ned explained however he was interrupted by Grampa Simpson as Santa...

"Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!" said Santa.

"Santa?" Lisa asked.

"I ain't Santa! I'm Father Christmas!" Ok Father Christmas explained... "From Britain!"

"What's the difference?" Bart asked.

"In Britain the candy canes are deep fried!" Father Christmas explains. Offering them unhealthy deep fried treats.

"Mmmm! Deep fried Christmas!" said Homer as Mr Beaver.

"Hi diddly ho! Mr Beaver! Mmmm, all that fried food is making me hungry..." Ned as Aslan greets Mr Beaver, but looks at him hungry.

However all hell breaks loose!

"Help! The Snow Queen is fighting with the white witch and I'm being attacked by the white stag! Run children!" cried Mr Tumnus as a stag rammed him. Meanwhile Agnes as Jadis is fighting Selma as a white witch and Aslan is chasing Mr Beaver trying to eat him. Then two hobbits appear...

"Um, we have this ring and we must destroy it by throwing it into Mount Doom. However we seemed to have got lost." Frodo explained.

Bart and Lisa gave each other looks of disbelief.

...

They are then later seen outside the mansion holding a garage sale.

"Listen up people! We have a special deal on this wardrobe!" Bart explained. "It comes free with these puzzle boxes from Hellraiser and this Jumanji board game!"

However Peter and Judy rushed up to him and snatched Jumanji. "How did you get hold of this?! Jumanji is not for sale!" Judy explained as she took it and marched off with her little brother.

Bart shrugged his shoulders.

...

“Okay who’s next?” Lisa asked.

Hugo wanted to tell a story.

“Okay Hugo what’s your story.” Lisa asked.

Hugo just growled and snarled in gibberish.

“Hugo we can’t understand you when you talk in gibberish. Slow down and think about what you are trying to say.” said Lisa.

Hugo sighed.

Patty told a story.

It was Little women but um... literally.

"Well I guess it's true. Cigarettes really do stunt your grownth." said Selma to Patty.

"Um... Okay that was a short story..." said Lisa.

Apu just talked about his day. Handling shoplifters. Homer's antics. Pretending he couldn't speak English when dealing with customer complaints. Being held at gun point by Snake. Being a hummingbird after a 96 hour shift...

"Apu that's not a story..." Lisa sighed.

Plot 2[]

Bart volunteered to tell a story. "Go ahead Bart."

"It's called Lisa Longsocks. Once there was a girl called Lisa Longsocks.. she lived in a treehouse with a cool monkey and a pony." Bart started the story.

Lisa Longsocks

"Help! Bullies are stealing our milk money!" Nerds cried.

Lisa Longsocks juggled the bullies until they surrendered because they were giddy.

The Nerds thanked Lisa and drank their milk. However Milhouse suddenly realised he was lactose intolerant.

"Oooooooh! The painful bloating..."

"Aww, such a strong female lead! And she has a pony!" Lisa praises Bart. He blushes.

"Then her brother Bart Longsocks arrived." Bart explained.

"Hey Sis, I need somewhere to crash." Bart Longstockings explained.

"Ok..." said Lisa Longsocks.

However Bart made her monkey and pony carry his luggage. Also Bart and Lisa Longsocks have kooky funny clothes on... Ie mismatched socks and rags...

"It's a reference to Pippi Longstockings..." Bart sighed.

Then Lisa beats up Dolph as a picnic basket stealing ape.

"Why not a picnic basket stealing bear..." Oscar whined.

"Because that would be copyright infringement..." said Bart.

Bart Longsocks took credit for beating up the ape.

"Baaaaaart!" Lisa Longsocks yelled.

"Okay You can have credit for something I actually did." said Bart Longsocks.

He was in the news for ruining a high society party. A posh shin dig. He was pictured face down in a cake. The heading was "Lisa ruins High Society party."

"Baaaaaart!" Lisa Longsocks yelled.

That wasn't all Bart did.

"And you set fire to Australia?!" Lisa yelled. What is it with Bart and Australia...

"Not all of it..." said Bart.

"Bart why do you keep messing with Australia...." Oscar sighed.

"Do you kids mind keeping it down. I have to do a cereal commercial for something called Coco Pops..." said Lisa Longsocks's monkey.

Oscar in the book club laughed hysterically.

"No Oz!" Bart groaned.

However Bart was too noisy and made a mess. Eventually Lisa's monkey and pony got fed up clearing up after him and being treated as servants. They quit.

Even Lisa got fed up and called their divorced parents in for a meeting. For the sake of this story, Mom is an angel in heaven and Homer is a pirate.

"Why don't you go and live with Mom?" Lisa asked Bart.

"Why don't you go and live with Mom?" Bart asked.

"Fine..." Lisa sighed. Marge flew her back to heaven.

Lisa enjoyed herself and even helped out her mom.

"Thanks Mom, but I really want to get home and see how Bart's doing." said Lisa Longsocks

I wonder what sort of mess Bart's got himself into... Lisa thought. However she found Bart had formed his own rock band with Lisa's monkey and pony and was extremely popular.

"I guess Bart's right, boys will always be better than girls..." Lisa Longstockings sighed.

"That's the name of his next album! Boys will always be better than girls!" said a rabbit.

...

"Oh real mature Bart... Well I've got a story... A story about a boy just like you..." Lisa sighed as Bart laughed. She then smugly told her story.

Homer was one evening taking Bart and Milhouse to the fair. There was a magic merry go round ride being attended to by Sideshow Bob. (However in this story Bart doesn't know who Sideshow Bob is)

Homer wants to go on the merry go round. So he does, however it goes backwards. He whines that he feels giddy and ages backwards. Once the ride ends he is ten years old again.

"Dad? You're my age?!" Bart gasped.

"Woohoo! My wish worked!" Homer cheered.

"Now it's your turn, both of you." said Sideshow Bob sinisterly.

"Um no thanks, I'm already my age." Bart replied.

"Come here!" Sideshow Bob chased them.

"Run!" Bart yelled. The ran through the magic mirror house just as Edna ran out screaming about horrible reflections. Bart, young Homer and Milhouse saw the scary reflections.

"Aaaaaaaagh!" They screamed and ran out. Bart and Milhouse lost Young Homer.

"Oh no! Where's Dad? Dad!?" Bart tried to look for Homer.

"I ain't you Dad! I'm Grampa and I just went to the fair!" said a young Abe. Sideshow Bob must have got to him too.

Eventually Bart found Homer hiding in the sewers.

"Dad... why are you in the sewers..." Bart asked.

"Sideshow Bob was scary and I'm waiting for Moe's to open to have a couple of beers." Young Homer replied.

"Dad, you're my age! You can't drink for another eleven years!" Bart explained.

"No drink for eleven years?! Nooooooo!" Young Homer screamed an ran away.

"Hey! Shouldn't you be at home doing your homework?" Principal Skinner said as Young Homer ran past followed by Bart and Milhouse. They headed back to the fairground.

However Milhouse accidentally knocks Krusty onto the merry go round. It goes forward a bit before throwing him out very old.

"Leaping lizards! You must be a hundred years old now!" Milhouse remarked.

"Yeah, but my books I'd say I'm eighty..." Old Krusty replied. However Sideshow Bob found them.

"Now I have you!" Bob tried to grab them but they escaped. Milhouse bashed into a tree and dropped his glasses.

Bart hid in the mirror house. "Oh yeah, the scary reflections.., I mean- Aaaaaaaagh!" Bart remarked before screaming. Milhouse blindly stumbled in.

"You know without my glasses these reflections look kinda funny!" Milhouse said before laughing.

"Laughter?! Noooooooo! My one weakness!" Sideshow Bob screamed before his evil fairground collapsed around him and he vanished without a trace.

"With Sideshow Bob gone the fairground is just an ordinary fairground. Luckily I have the instructions to get this magic merry go round working again..." said Krusty.


...

At the Simpsons house.

"Now, you'll understand that in my old age I may have forgot a few things so heh... Don't be mad..." Krusty explained. The camera pans to reveal Krusty's attempts to restore everyone's ages went horribly wrong and he even screwed up Bart and Milhouse who didn't need to use the merry go round.

"But why am I a girl now..." Girl Milhouse asked.

"Maybe you shouldn't have sat on it sidesaddle." said old Homer as he chewed apple sauce. He went too old.

"Well, I think everything turned out just right..." said a young Abe in his thirties as he admired himself in a hand mirror.

"Easy for you to say... now change Bart's diaper, he's starting to stink up the place..." Homer pointed to a babyfied Bart sitting in a diaper crying.

The end.

...

"Oh so I'm a baby now?! That's real mature Lisa..." Bart groaned.

Oscar laughed hysterically.

"What's that burning smell?" Lisa asked.

"It's time for the monthly book burning club Lisa! And that novel you left on the table burnt so well!" Reverend Lovejoy said joyfully.

Lisa sighed and facepalmed as she went home.

"Doesn't anyone in this town read?!" Lisa yelled on the way home.

"I read." said Hugo.

"I do!" said Martin.

"Okay now I have nothing to complain about. Let me complain!" Lisa whined.

Oscar rolled his eyes.

"How about I tell a story."

The Brontosaurus with Irritable Bowel Syndrome

There once was a boy band called Mcfly. However the band members Dougie Poynter and Tom Fletcher felt screaming fan girls wasn't for them and decided to wreck their reputation writing kids books about defecating dinosaurs with nauseating gross out humour and body fluids.

Oscar continued narrating.

One Christmas a little boy and his dinosaur, yes he somehow has a living, breathing dinosaur for a pet... The boy will be portrayed by moi, Oscar Tamaki. The dinosaur being my buddy Dino. (Who looks like a baby chomby because I am frigging stuck designing him!) They were celebrating Christmas when Dino decided to eat the entire Christmas tree... and decorations...

Dino was eating the Christmas tree, lights and tinsel...

Then he ate the presents.

Dino ate the Christmas presents.

Thrn he got extremely violent diarrhoea and...

"Okay I get it! Gross!" Lisa groaned. "Seriously what is wrong with Dougie and Tom?!"

Meanwhile The Middle aged Mariner finally got rid of the annoying talking seagull.

Only to be harrassed by the seagulls from Finding Nemo!

"Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!"

Oscar's friend Irreep laughed hysterically.

Lisa winced.

Elsewhere in Cartoon train land!

"I'm banishing you to the shadow realm!" saud Train master Smithers.

"Noooooooo!" said a cartoon train vanishing.

"Much better." said Smithers.

"Only owners of a millennium Item can banish people to the shadow realm..." Yami Bakura sighed.

Elsewhere in Narnia.

But where Edmund and Lucy didn't get fed up with the nonsense in Narnia and hobbits.

"Ah. The two sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve! Best guests ever!" said Comic Book Guy Tumnus. Read the book. There's bible references etc...

Bart signed an autograph forMr Tumnus using Lisa, who is Lucy, as a lectern to write on.

Lisa frowned.

"Are you writing me an autograph?" Mr Tumnus asked.

"Sure. Anything for a faun." said Bart as Edmund.

Oscar was the bare foot child who has lost his socks and swears arrived hopping mad.

"Hey gimme back my socks you hairy goat bastard!" He yelled.

In reality.

"So kids, how was book club?" Marge asked as she for whatever reason didn't attend.

"No one has read Bleeding Gums Murphy's autobiography..." Lisa groaned.

"Yeah but on the bright side Lisa suggested we all tell a story and they all extremely random and nonsensical which I loooooove! Hehehe!" Oscar chuckled.

"Yeah quite a few people in town have rather um interesting imagination..." said Lisa.

"Well I have a story." saud Marge.

"Please can it not be that pirate you have a crush on... Your married to Homer..." Oscar groaned.

Marge sighed and rolled her eyes. "People are allowed to have crushes on fictional characters Oscar... Even after marriage."

Marge and um Lorenzo

Marge was imagining that sexy pirate again.

"The seas sure are heaving!" said Marge.

"Yes but not as much as your heaving bosom, m'lady." said Lorenzo the pirate.

Marge giggled.

"Marge with my psychic powers we're all imagining what Lorenzo sounds like and I can tell you that accent is the same accent Julio the gay hair dresser talks in. Um I don't think your crush likes women..." said Oscar.

"Don't interrupt..." said Marge.

"Does that earring mean you're a pirate?" Marge asked Lorenzo.

"Maybe...." said Lorenzo.

"Yeah a butt pirate... Ho yeah!" said Oscar.

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