The Scorpion's Tale

The Scorpion's Tale Lisa discovers some scorpions on a school outing with eyes dangling out of their sockets caused by a flower. A drug from this flower makes old people cheerful and no longer grouchy. But unfortunately a side effect causes eyeballs to lubricate and dangle out on their optic muscles.

Guest starring Werner Herzog.

Plot

The title gag is Santa’s little Helper riding his dog house like Snoopy.

The billboard gag is Springfield Mall: Free retail space with every purchase.

The chalkboard gag is “I am not here on a spitball scholarship.

The couch gag is the Simpsons as characters being picked in a couch gag video game.

The episode starts with a real coyote chasing a real roadrunner. Meep meep! They have goofy Latin names like Propertius Warnerbrosa etc.

“Meep Meep!” said the roadrunner as a car ran over the coyote. “Meep Meep!” It said again before being ran over by Otto’s bus he was driving and taking children from Springfield Elementary on a school trip. They stop and the children and Skinner get off.

“Whoooooaaa! It’s like that planet from Star Wars!” said Otto.

A Tusken Raider/Sand Man roared and shook his gaffe stick.

“Man it’s so hot out here I might have to give the sun a wedgie!” Nelson groaned because of the heat.

“I wet my arm pants!” said Ralph with wet armpits from sweating. Yeeeech!

“Yeeeeech!” said Kerne putting deodorant on via a roll on deodorant stick.

“Now pay attention children.” said Skinner. “We’re at Satan’s Anvil. No one knows exactly why it’s called that.” In the background is a giant stone sculpture of a devil or the devil holding a hammer about to strike an anvil he was working at. Coooool!

“Now remember children to keep hydrated and Aaaaagh! Rattle snake!” Skinner yelled because he heard a rattling sound.

Bart was hiding behind a rock playing with a baby’s rattle. He laughed deviously.

Chalmers laughed. “Skinner! You always fall for that!”

“Except once! Then a real rattle snake bit me!” said Skinner.

“And you took a sick day you weren’t supposed to have!” said Chalmers.

“I was gonna lose my foot!” said Skinner.

“Of which you have two!” said Chalmers. They went off somewhere.

Bart laughed and chuckled. Suddenly a baby toddled up to him and snatched his or her pink rattle from Bart that he had borrowed to prank Skinner and left with a “Hmmmmmph!”. Bart sighed a sad sigh as that was the end of his fun.

Elsewhere Martin is chasing a butterfly trying to catch it with a butterfly net. Probably to breed more butterflies in his butterfly tent.

He came across a hick and his wife living in the desert in a caravan.

“Greetings desert dwellers!” said Martin politely.

“Get out! The second we let one trespasser on our land-“ said the husband but a prairie dog appeared and sat next to Martin and squeaked. “For crying out loud! It’s like Grand Central Station around here here!”

“Now Delbert... he’s just a boy.” said the lady.

“Ohhh... at first it’s just a boy, but then come the prairie dogs and then them send their black helicopters!” said Delbert.

Scary government SWAT black helicopters arrive and SWAT agents with guns arrive pointing their guns at the hicks.

“Sir, you have won a National endowment for the arts grant for your rusted metal sculptures!” said a SWAT team guy.

“You’ll have to put that check in my cold dead hands!” Delbert yelled cocking his shotgun.

“Your proposal is acceptable.” said Edgar the alien cockroach.

Delbert shot and destroyed his sculptures.

The SWAT guys took back the endowment grant and left, never to return.

...

A park environmental guy explained to the mixture of second, third and fourth graders (Springfield Elementary assigns weird school field trips...) that he was in charge of protecting the park from invasive species.

“My job is the keep the park free of invasive species.” said the park environmental protection guy. “Except for rock climbers...” he sighed as a rock climber climbed on him. “Sir get you foot out of my mouth. It’s not a foothold...”

“But if I reach your summit I would have climbed rangers in seven continents.” said the rock climber.

“Fine...”

The rock climber was showing off and posing for the cameras his friends were taking pictures with.

“Ow! I sprained my ankle! Hurry I’m gonna die up here!” said the climber somehow spraining his ankle.

“Hold on I’m coming up...” said the park ranger climbing himself, somehow.

“Well hurry! It’s getting dark!” said the rock climber.

The park ranger ties himself in knots trying to climb himself.

Meanwhile Bart, Milhouse and Nelson found a boarded up mineshaft.

Bart and Nelson pulled off the planks.

“What do you think is in there?” Milhouse asked.

“Gold?” Bart asked.

“A dead body?” Nelson suggested.

“A secret laboratory of mutant super chickens!” said Oscar being stupid.

“Oz just because we’re on a field trip in the desert, with a creepy abandoned mineshaft doesn’t mean you can reference Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy...” Bart sighed.

“Hey look Grim, those kids found an abandoned mineshaft too!” said Billy.

Bart sweat dropped.

Bart crawled into the mineshaft. It was not long before Milhouse and Nelson to hear an interested gasp of joy from him.

“Did you find gold?” Milhouse asked as Bart crawled out.

“Better. The prospectors left naughty French post cards! Prrrrrrr!” Bart was looking at erotic French post cards. “Whoa Mama!”

“Bart, this is fool’s porn.” Nelson explained. “I’ll just take it off your hands.” Nelson took the naughty French postcards and went behind a cactus.

“C’est si bon! Si Bon! Si Bon!” said Nelson (It’s so good! So good! So good!) while throwing the postcards about. “And... remorse...”

“Nelson... I’m half French. I can understand what you were saying...” Bart said frowning. He gathered up the naughty French postcards.

A bird squawking. (Yeah that’s the transcript for sound effects directions.)

“Oh my god! Mutant super chickens!” Oscar gasped.

“No Oz! That sound effect was in Lisa’s scene!