Simpsons Fanon

The Scorpion's Tale Lisa discovers some scorpions on a school outing with eyes dangling out of their sockets caused by a flower. A drug from this flower makes old people cheerful and no longer grouchy. But unfortunately a side effect causes eyeballs to lubricate and dangle out on their optic muscles.

Guest starring Werner Herzog.


The title gag is Santa’s little Helper riding his dog house like Snoopy.

The billboard gag is Springfield Mall: Free retail space with every purchase.

The chalkboard gag is “I am not here on a spitball scholarship.

The couch gag is the Simpsons as characters being picked in a couch gag video game.

The episode starts with a real coyote chasing a real roadrunner. Meep meep! They have goofy Latin names like Propertius Warnerbrosa etc.

“Meep Meep!” said the roadrunner as a car ran over the coyote. “Meep Meep!” It said again before being ran over by Otto’s bus he was driving and taking children from Springfield Elementary on a school trip. They stop and the children and Skinner get off.

“Whoooooaaa! It’s like that planet from Star Wars!” said Otto.

A Tusken Raider/Sand Man roared and shook his gaffe stick.

“Man it’s so hot out here I might have to give the sun a wedgie!” Nelson groaned because of the heat.

“I wet my arm pants!” said Ralph with wet armpits from sweating. Yeeeech!

“Yeeeeech!” said Kerne putting deodorant on via a roll on deodorant stick.

“Now pay attention children.” said Skinner. “We’re at Satan’s Anvil. No one knows exactly why it’s called that.” In the background is a giant stone sculpture of a devil or the devil holding a hammer about to strike an anvil he was working at. Coooool!

“Now remember children to keep hydrated and Aaaaagh! Rattle snake!” Skinner yelled because he heard a rattling sound.

Bart was hiding behind a rock playing with a baby’s rattle. He laughed deviously.

Chalmers laughed. “Skinner! You always fall for that!”

“Except once! Then a real rattle snake bit me!” said Skinner.

“And you took a sick day you weren’t supposed to have!” said Chalmers.

“I was gonna lose my foot!” said Skinner.

“Of which you have two!” said Chalmers. They went off somewhere.

Bart laughed and chuckled. Suddenly a baby toddled up to him and snatched his or her pink rattle from Bart that he had borrowed to prank Skinner and left with a “Hmmmmmph!”. Bart sighed a sad sigh as that was the end of his fun.

Elsewhere Martin is chasing a butterfly trying to catch it with a butterfly net. Probably to breed more butterflies in his butterfly tent.

He came across a hick and his wife living in the desert in a caravan.

“Greetings desert dwellers!” said Martin politely.

“Get out! The second we let one trespasser on our land-“ said the husband but a prairie dog appeared and sat next to Martin and squeaked. “For crying out loud! It’s like Grand Central Station around here here!”

“Now Delbert... he’s just a boy.” said the lady.

“Ohhh... at first it’s just a boy, but then come the prairie dogs and then them send their black helicopters!” said Delbert.

Scary government SWAT black helicopters arrive and SWAT agents with guns arrive pointing their guns at the hicks.

“Sir, you have won a National endowment for the arts grant for your rusted metal sculptures!” said a SWAT team guy.

“You’ll have to put that check in my cold dead hands!” Delbert yelled cocking his shotgun.

“Your proposal is acceptable.” said Edgar the alien cockroach.

Delbert shot and destroyed his sculptures.

The SWAT guys took back the endowment grant and left, never to return.


A park environmental guy explained to the mixture of second, third and fourth graders (Springfield Elementary assigns weird school field trips...) that he was in charge of protecting the park from invasive species.

“My job is the keep the park free of invasive species.” said the park environmental protection guy. “Except for rock climbers...” he sighed as a rock climber climbed on him. “Sir get you foot out of my mouth. It’s not a foothold...”

“But if I reach your summit I would have climbed rangers in seven continents.” said the rock climber.


The rock climber was showing off and posing for the cameras his friends were taking pictures with.

“Ow! I sprained my ankle! Hurry I’m gonna die up here!” said the climber somehow spraining his ankle.

“Hold on I’m coming up...” said the park ranger climbing himself, somehow.

“Well hurry! It’s getting dark!” said the rock climber.

The park ranger ties himself in knots trying to climb himself.

Near the bus.

”How did Ace get out of this school trip?” Inane Brian asked.

Oscar and Jurkle gave him a “Surety you’re not that stupid...” look.

”Brian.., he’s a vampire. Sunlight is deadly to him...” said Oscar.

Meanwhile Bart, Milhouse and Nelson found a boarded up mineshaft.

Bart and Nelson pulled off the planks.

“What do you think is in there?” Milhouse asked.

“Gold?” Bart asked.

“A dead body?” Nelson suggested.

“A secret laboratory of mutant super chickens!” said Oscar being stupid.

“Oz just because we’re on a field trip in the desert, with a creepy abandoned mineshaft doesn’t mean you can reference Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy...” Bart sighed.

“Hey look Grim, those kids found an abandoned mineshaft too!” said Billy.

Bart sweat dropped.

Bart crawled into the mineshaft. It was not long before Milhouse and Nelson to hear an interested gasp of joy from him.

“Did you find gold?” Milhouse asked as Bart crawled out.

“Better. The prospectors left naughty French post cards! Prrrrrrr!” Bart was looking at erotic French post cards. “Whoa Mama!”

“Bart, this is fool’s porn.” Nelson explained. “I’ll just take it off your hands.” Nelson took the naughty French postcards and went behind a cactus.

“C’est si bon! Si Bon! Si Bon!” said Nelson (It’s so good! So good! So good!) while throwing the postcards about. “And... remorse...”

“Nelson... I’m half French. I can understand what you were saying...” Bart said frowning. He gathered up the naughty French postcards.

A bird squawking. (Yeah that’s the transcript for sound effects directions.)

“Oh my god! Mutant super chickens!” Oscar gasped.

“No Oz! That sound effect was in Lisa’s scene!” said Bart.

Oscar looked perplexed.

“Excuse me folks.” He said to the fourth wall as he pulled on the edge of the screen to transition to Lisa’s scene.


Lisa was walking about the desert through a sparse cluster of cacti, including Marge cacti from The Marge who Slept too Little. Her arrival to the scene was heralded by an eagle squawking as it carried off Hans Moleman. Hehehe! Poor Moleman...

“Oh dear...” said Hans Moleman.

“While beautiful, the desert is full of dangers such as dehydration, cacti, poisonous snakes...” said Lisa.

“Venomous snakes.” Hugo corrected her while adjusting his fake glasses with no lenses.

“Yes I know! Venomous!” Lisa snapped.

“Well I hope you do! There’s a big difference between a poisonous animal and a venomous one.” said Hugo. “This bush with tiny berries? Poisonous. But it can’t bite me. That rattle snake over there? Venomous, but you can fry them up nicely and eat them. Mmmmm, snake meat...”

“Will you stop being an obnoxious knowitall! That’s my job! I don’t like it when it’s turned on me!” Lisa ranted. She sighed. “Where was I... Ah yes, the desert holds numerous dangers. Dehydration, cacti, Venomous snakes and... Whaaaaaa! Oof!” Lisa fell into a small pit. She gasped when she saw...”Scorpions!!” Yes scorpions. Two black scorpions scuttled up to her. She whimpered and backed away from them as they approached menacingly with their tails curled.

However as Lisa pulled herself backwards into a cluster of silver tongue flowers the scorpions calmed down and went to sleep.

“Huh? They calmed down when they went near these silver tongues?” said Lisa. She got a stick and out the scorpions on it. When she lifted it away from the silver tongues the scorpions suddenly became aggressive and started fighting each other.

“Now they’re aggressive! Hmmmm! I’m sure there’s a correlation, but is there a causation?” said Lisa. Dun dun dun!

“These flowers saved me from a terrible fate, not getting an A on my science project!” said Lisa putting the scorpions in a Tupperware container with a Springfield Silver Tongue flower.

“Or from getting stung by scorpions...” said Hugo.

“Shut up Hugo!” Lisa snapped.


”Hey Irwin you dropped a pickle!” said Billy to Irwin who was being imagined as a burger by Sperg,

”Oh thanks Billy.” said Irwin as a talking burger. He picked up the pickle slice.

Oscar giggled.

Skinner found Lisa and Hugo.

“Lisa, Hugo, we have to go. Milhouse found a hippy skeleton and now he’s freaking out...” said Skinner.

“Never get off the bus... Never get off the bus...!” said Milhouse holding a skeletal arm of a long dead hippy permanently frozen in a v sign.

Oscar laughed.

Skinner sighed.

All the kids sighed and got back on the bus to go back home.


The bus was taking everyone back through town.

“Hey look! Something pathetic is going on!” said Otto. They had stopped outside the old people’s home. Abe Simpson was being kicked out.

“Hey! You can’t kick me out! I have a right to die here! That was the terms and conditions!” Abe ranted.

“Sorry Abe but you are just too grouchy.” said Kevin Michael Richardson as the Green Mile Guy as a retirement home nurse.

“I have a right to grouchy and cranky! The food stinks and the TV only has one channel!” said Abe.

“That was the fish tank!” said Kevin Michael Richardson.

“You’re a fish tank!” Abe replied amongst his bags and things.

Kevin Michael Richardson cried. You big meany! You made Gantu cry! “(Crying and sobbing) I wish I was a fish tank! Then I could filter out his nasty words...)”

“Just go Abe...” said the other nurse comforting Kevin Michael Richardson.

“That doesn’t seem fair! They won’t let him escape but they’ll kick him out for being cantankerous...” said Lisa. “Where will he go?”

“Either a graveyard or somewhere much worse...” said Bart.


At home Bart and Lisa were explaining what the saw to Marge.

“And now Grampa’s homeless. And probably still stood outside the retirement home with his things...” said Lisa.

“Hmmmmmm...” Marge sighed.

“Ugh... Fine... I’ll go and get him...” Homer sighed going off to get his dad.

It was not long before Grampa arrived and caused trouble with his whinging and griping. It all started at dinner.

“Bleh! Sour cream and Chives?! In my day the only things you put on mashed potatoes were pine needles and barbershop hair from the floor! I hate this century!” said Grampa ranting.

“Now listen up. We’re all gonna take turns having Grampa as a roommate.” said Homer.

“Finally... no more lumping him off on me...” said Bart.

“Quiet boy!” Homer snapped. “Now who wants to go first?”

No one volunteered.

“Oh! Oh! I do! I do! I want him every night, forever and ever! Because I love my-“ said Homer holding up Maggie’s hand and talking in a demented high pitched voice like Itchy’s or Portuguese Squidward. However Maggie quickly clipped her hair clip over his mouth.

“Homer, never ever do that voice ever again...” said Oscar sharply.


There was a Abe Batman transition for each night.

First up Abe was with Bart.

“Nose in a funny book. How rude! Haven’t you heard of polite conversation?!” Abe ranted as his grandson Bart was reading a comic.

“Fine... how was your day...” said Bart.

“Terrible! My new roommate won’t stop yakking!” said Gramps.

Then the next night was Lisa’s turn. She was doing some late night experiments and looking at her microscope.

“Here’s an experiment for ya! Find a boy who wants to marry a poindexter!” Abe ranted. Lisa rolled her eyes annoyed.

Plot 2[]

And in my unabridged version the bad nights for one unlucky Simpson continue!

“Here’s an experiment for ya! Find a girl who wants to marry a poindexter!” Abe ranted at Hugo while he was mixing chemicals as Abe lied in a camp bed. Hugo rolled his eyes and tried to ignore his Grampa. “And how can you live up here?! It’s dark, it’s cold and I got a splinter!”

The next night. Maggie and Eric’s room.

“How comes they get a warm bottle of milk and I don’t?” Abe whined as Marge put Maggie and Eric to bed for the night.

The next night. The master bedroom.

“You call that making love?!” Abe ranted as Marge and Homer had sex...

“Ooooooh! Homie I told you he wouldn’t sleep through it...” Marge sighed.

“In my day, women didn’t make a sound!” said Abe.


The next day Lisa was in her room experimenting on her new pet scorpions in their vivarium. “And some silver tongue...”

The scorpions which were fighting suddenly went placid and laid down and stroked each other with their pincers. Hehehe! Cute!

Homer came in to see his daughter for some reason.

“Dad! My experiment works! This silver tongue essence makes the angry scorpions docile!” said Lisa.

“That’s great sweetie! If you were a boy you could be a scientist!” said Homer being sexist as he tousled her hair.

“Ha! Zing!” said Hugo snapping his fingers in a sassy manner as he wore his glasses and lab coat.

Suddenly from the garden Abe yelled. “Back of you mangy mutt or I’ll make dog head soup out of you!” Gramps yelled at the dog.

“Mmmmmm! Korean food...” said Oscar.

Homer had an idea. Maybe Lisa’s experiment could cheer up Grampa.

“If it works on nasty scorpions, then it might work on... nasty stains!” He sprayed some silver tongue essence on a stain on his white shirt. It vanished.

“It works!” Lisa gasped.

“And I know something else it could be good for...” said Homer with a devious look.


The next morning Bart and Lisa were having pancakes and syrup and bacon. They were eating in a hurry.

“Kids why are you in such a hurry?” Homer asked as Lisa tossed bacon into Bart’s mouth.

“We have to hurry and get going before Grampa wakes up!” said Lisa.

Grampa woke up and moaned and muttered.

Everyone was horrified.

“Mom lunches!” said Bart.

“Here you go! Go! Save yourselves!” said Marge tossing their lunches to them. Bart and Lisa rushed off only to find Grampa dressed and ready to go out with the dog as if he was taking him for a walk.

Everyone gasped waiting for more whinging and griping from Grampa.

“Oh good morning everyone! It’s such a beautiful day today I thought I’d take my little friend here for a walk!” said Grampa being nice and friendly for once.

“And so am I. Say hello to my little friend!” said Oscar quoting Scarface as he held a machine gun.

“Oz stop quoting Scarface...” Bart sighed.

“Abe are you feeling alright?” Marge asked.

“Never better! The sun is shining, there’s a spring in my slipper and my wonderful son made me a delicious cup of coffee this morning...” said Abe.

Marge was suspicious. “Hmmmmm! Homer is there something in your father’s coffee...”

“Yeah Dad... what did you put in Grampa’s coffee...” Lisa asked staring at Dad suspiciously.

“You look tense... Let’s discuss this all over a cup of Grampa’s coffee...” said Homer. He poured himself some and drank the concoction. He trembled and shivered before grinning a really creepy grin and making a disturbing sound of joy.


Later that day. Probably after school. Grampa was being nice to his grandchildren and giving them money. “Here’s some money Champ, go out buy some rock and roll records!” said Abe as he gave Bart money.

“To the antique store!” said Bart going off to buy records since everything is on CD or Mypod now.

“And what can I do for you sweetie?” Gramps asked Lisa, vote for someone green? Vote for someone brown?” I’m sure someone will take offence to that Abe.

Lisa took ahold of Gramps’s hand and guided him into the kitchen. “Dad! I know what you did!”

Homer screamed. Someone was fighting with a door.

“And I locked the door!”

Homer moaned and groaned.

A chainsaw is roaring as it cuts through something.

“Oz! Don’t help him escape! And don’t damage the house!” Lisa yelled.

“Woohoo!” Homer cheered.

Lisa sighed.


“Oz why are you helping Dad? He is drugging Grampa and artificially altering his behaviour and personality. Just like Bart’s Focusyn or your Ritalin that you refuse to take. It’s the same thing! Brainwashing.

“I know. But your gramps is really difficult to live with...” said Oscar. “He’s always griping...”

“I’m sure people have asked you to take meds for your behaviour because you have annoyed them...” said Lisa.

“Yeah but their opinion is not justified. I am not that obnoxious to live with and I can’t help with some of my quirks. Your Grampa can help with his griping. And besides he’s cheerful now.” said Oscar.

“But it’s not real happiness!” said Lisa. “Any other pearls of wisdom Oz the great and powerful...”

“Yeah. This storyline is just a ripoff of Roald Dahl’s George’s Marvellous Medicine.” said Oscar. Lisa squinted at him. “Belligerent, griping grandparent... fed up family, grandchild invents a new medication for them to make them nicer and has zany results...”

“Yes but I never intended for my silver tongue serum to be used! It’s still just an experiment! Who knows what else it does apart from pacifies angry scorpions, clears up stains and cheers up cranky old people.” said Lisa exasperated and concerned. “And besides George made his new medicine for his grandma out of cleaning products, there’s a disclaimer in the front asking kids to never copy the marvellous medicine.”

“I bet a lot of kids that did have accidentally killed their grandparents.” said Oscar.

“Who knows. Now I have to get rid of this serum before it causes anymore trouble. You and I know no one should have such power to alter someone’s personality.” said Lisa flushing the vial of silver tongue serum down the toilet. It ended up in the ocean and a shark ate it. The shark became very happy and got eaten by a school of fish.

“Yeah dump it in the natural environment. That’s real clever Lisa. And you’re not the only genius in the family your dad can rely on...” said Oscar.


Meanwhile Homer took cheerful Abe to Moe’s for drinks. They were merry with alcohol and singing For he’s a jolly good fellow.

“For he’s a jolly good fellow! For he’s a jolly good fellow!” etc. Then they cheered and clinked their beer glasses.

They discussed that Homer’s special coffee was a work of genius.

“You could be a billionaire!” said Moe.

“My daughter could be a billionaire but, oh no! All the coffee is gone! Man you had a lot of coffee today Dad!” said Homer.

“Well you did share some with some other unhappy old timers.” said Abe.

“Oh yeah.” Homer had spent the morning sneaking into his boss’s office to Irish up his morning coffee with silver tongue serum. Homer recalled the results were Mr Burns calling him Pop n Fresh again and poking him and something involving Hans Moleman and an electric power drill.

However at home, to Homer’s dismay the serum was all gone.

He screamed.

“Dad, Grampa. I have something to say.” said Lisa. “Dad’s been drugging you! By putting something in your coffee that’s why you’re always cheerful now!”

Grampa gasped and frowned and looked as if he was gonna throttle Homer. “Oh come here you!” He hugged and kissed Homer. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

“Whaaaaaat?!” Lisa gasped.

“Sweetie. Before I had your Dad’s special coffee I was cranky and nobody liked me... Now I’m bubbling with glee!”

“But it’s it real happiness!” Lisa protested.

“Yeah but I don’t have that many years left, May as well live them in bliss than miserable. Now put on some more of pick me up son!” said Abe to Homer.

“He can’t! I threw away the last of the secret ingredient. Silver tongue essence.” said Lisa.

Homer screamed. “What will I do?! What will I do?!”

“Dad I cannot allow this charade to continue. I’m sorry. Besides I haven’t fully tested the serum! It might have side effects!” said Lisa.

“Ooooooh!” said Homer.

“Turn that frown upside down Homer! If Lisa won’t help, I can find a scientist in this family who can...” said Oscar smirking.

“Oz stop helping him!” Lisa whined.


Cartoonishly evil church organ music, The Toccata and Fugue played as a lightning strike lit up the attic and Hugo was laughing maniacally while mixing chemicals.

“Of course I can make Lisa’s serum! I saw everything that day when she made her scientific discovery. I just need some silver tongue flowers.” said Hugo mixing chemicals.

“Those only grow in deserts and badlands throughout Springfield.” said Oscar.

“I know that Oz.” said Hugo.

“And your mother’s starting dinner so there’s no time now for outings. Ooooh! That sister of yours!” Homer sighed.


Very soon without Lisa’s serum Grampa was back to his old self. He was being grumpy and cantankerous in the bar.

“Everything everyone said is either obvious or stupid!” Grampa yelled. “Now where is that guy from Green Mile and Lilo and Stitch? I want to yell at him some more!”

“He’s out sucking out everyone’s evil. Shame he can’t get rid of crankiness...” said Oscar drinking buzz cola.

“Homer sort out your dad! He’s bringing down the bar!” said Moe.

“Yeah make some more serum!” said Lenny.

“I can’t! I don’t have an IQ far higher than I can count, which is five, it’s really embarrassing. And Hugo has a dentist appointment. And Lisa won’t help that’s why I brought up Hugo.” said Homer.

“But I can help.” said a German accent. Everyone gasped to find this episode’s guest star, Werner Herzog.

“My name is Fritz Uberhouser. I work in the pharmaceutical industry.” said Werner Herzog.

“We don’t care! Can you make some happy serum or not?!” said Moe.

“Quiet you!” said Werner Herzog. “Mein Freund have you found something that makes old people tolerable to us normals?”

“Yes but Lisa won’t tell me what flower it’s from. My attic dwelling son knows but he’s at the dentist now.” Homer groaned.

“Lisa’s irrelevant. All I need is one drop of essence within your father’s sweat.” said Werner. He examined Gramps a lot. “Nein, nein, nein, nein... ah!” He got some sweat in a pipette.

“Wait here ya kraut! Before you go off with my ooze. What did you do during the war...” said Abe.

“World war II? I wasn’t even born yet!” said Werner.

“That’s what they all say...” said Abe.


Homer, Abe, Bart, Hugo and Oscar went to Werner Herzog’s high tech laboratory with a round door. Homer couldn’t open the door and spent some moments amusingly fighting with the door and biting it until Bart shooed him away and opened the door with ease by squeezing the door handle which retracted the latch.

Abe was a test subject to see if they found Lisa’s secret ingredient.

“Now tell us which of these is the ingredient?” Werner asked. Hugo was impressed with his high tech laboratory and his lab assistants. Hugo barely had an Igor.

Abe tried chemicals and plant serums. “Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Can’t feel my hands. Feeling them to much. Erection! De-rection... Nope but I feel so much better now doc! Oooooooh my family is here! How sweet!” said Abe suddenly cheerful.

“Eureka!” said Werner and Hugo.

“Most normal people say woohoo...” said Bart.

“I’ve isolated the molecule!” said Werner.

“Ha! Nerd!” said Homer.

“I’ll take some of that erection serum Doc.” said Oscar.

“Eeeeeew! Oz....” Bart groaned.

“But first just to be sure... Abe what do you think of the high wages of today’s baseball players?” said Werner asking Abe questions.

“Ooooooh! Don’t get me started on that!” Abe seemed annoyed. “They’re just so much better than the players of yesterday! And they try so hard not to speak English...” said Abe cheerfully.

“Woohoo!” Bart and Homer cheered.

Then Homer went to try one of the samples.

“Dad what are you doing?” Bart asked.

“I don’t feel anything!” said Homer then suddenly he turned into a werewolf, growing grey fur and a fluffy tail. “D’ooooooooh!” He howled.

“That’s why mad science is cool!” said Hugo.

Plot 3[]

At an airport beautiful ladies delivered under Werner’s instructions boxes of a new drug containing silver tongue essence.

“My suitcase Suzies will use their charm and beauty to make sure this new drug gets prescribed.” said Werner.

“Coooool! They’re robots!” said Bart.

“No, robots can learn to feel love. We’re college graduates.” said one of the ladies delivering the drug.

“We gather them up by the sorority.” said Werner. (A girl’s college house.)

“Uh this is a nerd fraternity...” said a boy nerd in a building being carried by a crane. (A boy’s college house.)

“Ugh... dump them in research.” said Werner.

The crane dumped the nerds in research. They chattered with approval probably because they all had taken science to study at college.

Werner was explaining things, However Oscar was too busy staring at the beautiful Suitcase Suzies, cloned ladies helping to deliver the silver tongue essence pills.

Bart grimaced disgusted because Oscar had a look of perverted joy on his face and he was dribbling with tongue out.

(Oscar moaning in a perverse manner.)

At home Werner Herzog dropped Homer, Abe, Bart, Hugo and Oscar off. But had a serious request for them.

“Well it was nice being shown around your factory Mr Wonka.” said Homer.

“I keep telling you I am not Willy Wonka!” Werner Herzog explained annoyed.

“No! You’re the fat German kid! Augustus Gloop!” said Bart.

“Ah yes it’s true... I am Gloop... being stuck in that tube changed me...” said Werner Herzog.

Bart laughed at the fact that Werner said he was Augustus Gloop.

Oscar giggled. “Oompa Loompa doopity doooo!”

“He’s not. He wasn’t even in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory... or the remake...” said Hugo to the fourth wall.

The Simpsons were chatting until Werner had something important to ask.

“But the fun and excitement of today is over. Now we must get to the serious scary stuff. said Werner Herzog as The Simpson men and boys listened.

“These are the prototype pills.” said Werner Herzog handing over a jar of purple pills. “I can’t stress this enough. Until they have been rigorously tested, they must not fall into the wrong hands! After all who knows who could take these and make a tidy profit marketing them!”

“The wrong hands eh?” asked Bart looking devious. “Hands? We have work to do! Mwuhahahaha!” Bart was obviously going to cause mischief.


Bart took to wearing a suit and dragging a small suitcase around. It had the pills in it. He must have got them somehow.

He went to the retirement home.

“Hey how comes you don’t wear a suit?!” Otto asked his drug dealer as he bought some drugs.

“Because I use my drugs too! Idiot...” said the drug dealer wearing casual clothes.

Bart then took the pills in the suitcase to school. He heard Skinner and Agnes arguing. Agnes was nagging her son.

“What have I told you about candy in your drawer?!” said Agnes.

“Mother those are cough drops...” said Skinner.

“And another thing...”

Bart knocked on Skinner’s door grinning as he had an idea.

“Yes Bart...” Skinner asked, not questioning why Bart was in school at an odd hour wearing a suit.

“I have something for the old bat...” Bart whispered offering pills. If this was one of the old episodes Bart would be hauled in for detention or expulsion. But because Matt is getting stupid now Skinner graciously pays for some pills just to shut up his mother. Yeah we get ridiculous scenarios like Bart drug running.

Then at a beach Mr Burns was sat on a throne near the tide and yelling at the sea as it came in. “Back! Back I say! I command thee!” Mr Burns yelled at the sea. “Ahh! Smithers it’s cold and wet!”

Smithers sighed.

Bart arrived offering pills. Smithers eagerly bought some.

“Accursed tide. Flee from my wrath. No! I've been moistened!” said Mr Burns yelling at the sea again. Some sea water splashed him.

Poseidon, the Greek god of the ocean face palmed.

Simpsons House, Lisa’s room.

The first thing we see is Lisa. She's looking somewhere past the camera. Disinterested, absolutely bored. "Hugo? Have you seen Snowball II lately?"

”Boy what did you do to the cat?!” Homer yelled.

”Nothing!” Hugo said annoyed protesting his innocence.

”I am looking for a cat! Means worlds to me!” said Oscar impersonating Edgar the alien cockroach from Men in Black.

Lisa grimaced baffled.


All across town old people were cheerful and Mr Burns was nice now and handing out toys. Awwww!

Bart left the park wearing a suit and taking his suitcase. But he encountered Lisa who eyed him full of suspicion.

“What?! Can’t a guy dress up nicely once in a while?” Bart yelled.

“Bart what are you up to?” Lisa asked.

Bart got inside his suitcase somehow with just his eyes peeking out and his arms and wheeled himself to the bus stop and took the bus home.


Abe and Homer had been fishing. Abe was still in a joyful mood but realised Lisa might be annoyed he got another sample of serum. So put on his most grumpiest face.

”That was a great fishing trip! Like the one we went one when I thought I was dying of blowfish poisoning.” said Homer.

”Uh oh! We mustn’t let Lisa know I’m still taking those happy pills! Better put on my grumpy face!” said Grampa scowling.

He went inside griping about the price of coffee.

“Three dollars for coffee?! In my day it would cost you only a dollar and you’d still get a dime back in change!” said Abe.

“Grampa it’s okay you don’t have to pretend...” said Lisa. “I know you’re still taking that serum.”

“You do?” Grampa asked.

“And I’m not upset. As long as your happy that’s all that matters. And as long as it’s your choice.” said Lisa. “I’m sorry I was so stubborn...”

“Ha! Lisa’s sorry for something!” Bart laughed.

Kids, it's dinner time!" Marge called them.

Bart hopped off the couch with a bright smile. "Burgers!"

However in the dining room, burger Irwin was there.

Oscar laughed hysterically.

Bart groaned exasperated.


But some news did annoy Lisa.

“My serum is pills now?! And on a drug trial?!” Lisa yelled.

“Well, um yeah you see...” said Homer.

“But it’s my discovery! You took my discovery and got credit for it! It’s not fair!” Lisa ranted.

“Sweetie you weren’t gonna take it any further. You said so yourself! We shouldn’t play god!” said Homer.

“I said we shouldn’t play goddess. Look it says here on page twelve of the script.” said Lisa holding a script,

“Lisa no blasphemy! There is only one God!” Marge scolded her.

“And besides the serum needs more testing! Who knows? It could have side effects!” said Lisa.

Suddenly Grampa’s eyes popped out of his sockets and dangled from their optic nerves and muscles.

The Simpsons screamed and Oscar fainted.

“What are you all screaming at my darling family?” Grampa said with his eyes hanging out in blissful ignorance.

“Look! The same thing happened to the scorpions!” said Lisa. The scorpions had their eyes hanging out. “The serum must over lubricate eyes causing them to slip out of their sockets. Thank goodness no one outside the home has taken these pills.” said Lisa looking at the jar of silver tongue pills.

Bart gulped in a cartoony fashion and tugged the collar of his orange t shirt.

“Bart... Why are you gulping and tugging on the collar of your shirt?” Marge asked.

“I erm may have sold some of the pills for money. Which I somehow spent all of on these novelty googily eyes on springs glasses.” said Bart putting on goofy eyes on springs glasses.

“Hello handsome!” said Grampa to him as he swung his eyes about.

“Oh my god! An alien from your anus!” said Oscar.

Homer screamed.

“Why you stupid little!” Lisa yelled and strangled Bart. “Do you realise what you’ve done?!”

Bart is wheezing and gasping.

“Um Lisa, maybe you should look out the window...” said Homer.

Lisa released Bart and gasped as she saw old people everywhere with their eyes dangling out. They were cheerful but with eyes dangling out on their optic nerves and muscles.

Lisa was horrified.


The family took to giving Grampa goggles filled with saline water to wear.

“More saline please!” said Grampa in a kind and cheerful mood as Marge poured some saline into his goggles.

Lisa was marching about angrily and ranting at Bart.

“How can you be so stupid?! (Angry muttering.)” Lisa ranted.

Homer, Marge and Hugo were still watching the people outside with their eyes dangling out from the drug Bart sold.

“We should really take Grampa to see a doctor.” said Marge.

“No! It’s cool! We have our own monster!” said Bart.

“Boy your Grampa is not a monster! Now let’s just chain him up in the basement and leave him until the circus comes!” said Homer.

“Stop suggesting that! You know that angers me when I remember what you did to poor Hugey!” Oscar ranted.

“Why are you having regular conversation with Bart?! You’re supposed to be mad at him!!” Lisa yelled.


They went to see Werner Herzog.

“We’re in the same boat right?” Homer asked Werner when they told him the news.

“Nein! My boat is just me and hundreds of lawyers! Yours is you and loads of people with googily eyes hanging out!” said Werner.

Oscar absentmindedly sung Oompah Loompah Doopidy doo.

“Oompah Loompah doopidy doo!”

“Oz the Wonka jokes about Walter/Werner Herzog aren’t funny anymore...” said Bart.

Marge appealed to Walter to see that he was some what responsible.

“Ach...Ja...” he sighed. “Then the drug must be destroyed...” said Werner Herzog.

A nurse came in. “Sir there’s a mob outside waiting for you.”

“Oh an angry mob?” said Werner Herzog putting a gun to his head.

“No... a happy mob. With their eyeballs hanging out.” said the nurse.

Werner Herzog sighed.

He went outside. There were cheerful old people with their eyeballs hanging out.

A old Texan asked for more pills. “Thank you partner! Got any more of those smiley pills?”

“Ach! These happy people with their stupid brains... I can’t take advantage of them any longer...” said Werner Herzog.

“No but I can!” said Homer taking the pills. He wanted to be the bad guy for some reason.

“Dad no!” said Lisa.

“But I wanna be the bad guy...” said Homer like a whining child.

”No Dad...” Lisa frowned at him.

“Oh fine...” Homer groaned.


The next day everything was back to normal. No more eyes hanging out and given that Bart and Lisa were eating their pancakes and bacon in a hurry, Grampa was back to his grouchy self.

“Wooooooah! Have we been here before?” Homer asked as they ate in a hurry.

“We’ve got to get outta here before Grampa wakes up!” said Lisa.

Grampa could be heard groaning and walking about upstairs.

“Mom lunches!” Bart said with desperation.

“Go! Save yourselves!” said Marge handing them their lunches. They ran off and left.

Hugo and Oscar rushed in also desperate to out of the house.

“Hurry hurry! No time to chew!” said Marge giving Oscar fruit and Hugo desperately and quickly scarfed down his fish heads. Oscar choked on a grape. “We don’t have time for that!” Marge squeezed him and he spat out the grape it went flying into Homer’s mouth and he ate it.

”Ugh!” Oscar was grossed out by him eating a grape that had been in someone else’s throat,

Plot 4[]