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The Return of The Babysitter Bandit When Homer insists an old nanny for the kids is Mrs Doubtfire and chases her off trying to pull off her hair, Bart and his sisters are left without a babysitter. Or are they?

Plot[]

Marge and Homer are going out for the day to an activity away from the kids and have hired a babysitter.

"She's a nice old lady, so be nice!" Marge tells the kids, especially Bart.

Bart rolls his eyes.

The doorbell rings and Marge answers it to a sweet old lady with spectacles.

"Good afternoon, I'm Mrs Pennysnitch!" The lady introduces herself.

"Please to meet you!" Marge replies.

"Wait, Marge. I saw this in a movie once! This is no woman! She's a man dressed up as woman! Look! This is just a wig!" Homer starts being stupid and tries to pull Mrs Pennysnitch's hair out. She screams and runs away.

"Homer! Look what you've done! Are you going to do that to every babysitter or nanny that comes to the door?" Marge yells. Another sweet old lady appears, and yes Homer chases her off as well.

Next Kearney appears. "I'll look after your kids. If they cause trouble I'll pound them!" He makes a fist.

"Certainly not!" Marge gasps horrified he would hurt younger kids.

”Hey I like this kid!” said Homer.

”Thanks! Now where’s your liquor?” Kearney asked.

”There’s a bottle of schnapps in Maggie’s crib.” said Homer.

Maggie in her crib had drunk the schnapps and belched.

”Homer! We’re not hiring him! Your services will not be required young man!” said Marge.

”Fine... Bat haired old witch...” said Kearney under his breath as he left.

"How about that guy?" Homer asks.

"Homer that's a hobo across the street!" Marge groans.

"Fine, they'll have to come with us..." Homer groans.

"No way! Can't you just leave us alone?" Bart whines.

"Certainly not! We already nearly lost you lot to social services until Oscar um helped..." Marge tells Bart off.

"I can look after your kids." says a husky voiced middle aged woman. A thin hunched over woman is standing there.

"Oh good! They're all yours! See ya!" Homer runs off, but Marge stops him.

"Hang on! You seem rather familiar... Who are you?"

"Um... Lucille Botzcowski..." The lady asked.

"Hmmm, where have we heard that name before..." Bart ponders.

"Marge, get in the car!" Homer yells bibbing his horn.

"Hrrrm...! Goodbye kids! Be good for Mrs Botzcowski!"

"It's Ms, but thanks..." The babysitter says while Marge and Homer drive off. She then glares at Bart and Lisa. "Ooooh, it's you brats..." she mutters.

"Aaaaaaah! Ms. Botz!" The kids scream.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't use my alias." Ms Botz lets herself in and shuts the door behind herself. "Oh, look. We're all locked in together." She says in a mock sweet voice as she locks the front door.

(Uh nuts! Why did Homer put the mortise lock up there...) Bart is thinking about how stupid Homer's idea of installing the mortise/bolt on the top of the front door was. The kids split up to get outside.

However the back doors in the kitchen and the rumpus room are locked. Lisa tries the garage door. That too is locked.

"There's no escape, punks!" Ms Botz gloats as Bart pokes his head from out of the rumpus room. The screen blacks out as Ms Botz laughs.

...

After she finishes laughing, she stops as she hears a familiar voice.

"Who is that laughing so loud..." Oscar asked, still in his pyjamas.

"Agh! Keep away from me you little freak!" Ms Botz is scared of him and backs against the front door.

"Hmmm, you don't like Ozzy very much. Ozzy come downstairs and say hi." Bart talks in a babyish tone. Oscar smirks and does so.

"No! Let me out! Lemme out! Stupid bolts!" Ms Botz fights with the door and opens it before running away screaming down the street.

"Woohoo! No more Ms Botz!" Bart cheers and dances with Oscar.

"Hang on, why was she afraid of you?" Lisa asked.

"Um, well I was doing something rather rude while watching Happy Little Elves..." Oscar explained.

"How rude? Soap in the mouth rude or X rated movie rude?" Bart asked.

"Oh definitely X rated!" Oscar replied.

"Say no more! No seriously we don't need to know what you were doing! I can only imagine what... Yeeeuck!" Bart yells.

"But-"

"No! I don't want to know! Lalalala!" Bart runs off lalalaing with his fingers in his ears.

...

"So, what do we do know?" Lisa asked.

"Whatever we want. I'm going back upstairs to play on Bart's video games.

"Wash your hands first!" Bart yells from the rumpus room.

"I wander what he meant by that?" Lisa asked Maggie.

...

(Bart's flashback.)

One afternoon Bart was accidentally left home alone. He sits down for breakfast. No one comes down having left the house earlier.

"Okay... Let's see what's in the fridge..." Bart says as he looks in the fridge. He sees a can of Duff. He looks around mischievously.

"Oooooh Dad... I'm trying my first beer..." Bart calls out. But no one replies. "Mom? Better stop me!" However no one is home. Bart shrugs and opens the can and drinks it. He then falls unconscious from it.

Later he wakes up and watches cartoons but nothing is on. He goes upstairs and into his parents' room. He snoops around. On the floor under the bed is a Playdude magazine.

"Ooooh! I finally get to see what people look like naked! And- Aaaaaaaaaagh! Aaaaaaah!" Bart drops the magazine in horror runs out and runs back in again with Oscar's sub machine gun and fires it at the magazine until it's nothing more than pieces of shredded paper and a hole in the floor.

"You, can't, hurt, anyone... anymore!" He says in between heavy gasps.

(Bart's flashback ends.)

Bart is huddled up in the rumpus room thinking about his day alone.

...

Everyone does their own thing. Lisa and Maggie watch Happy Little Elves and Oscar plays Bonestorm. Eventually Bart recovers and is soon back to his usual self. He ponders what to do.

"Gramps isn't here so I can't steal his teeth... Little miss snitch is still here so I can't drink anything funny from the fridge. I don't want to anyway, it tasted yucky!" Bart mutters to himself.

He goes upstairs to find Oscar on his video game Bonestorm.

"Aw, I want to be Morlax the Mutilator!" Bart whines as Oscar is playing as his favourite character.

"You do realise you can play a mirror match as him..." Oscar replies as Bart joins as Player two.

"Yeah but he looks stupid with green skin..." Bart whines as he picks another character. They play the videogame until Marge and Homer get home.

...

Marge and Homer get home to find the kids behaving, but no babysitter.

"Lisa, Maggie? Where's the babysitter? And more importantly where's Bart?" Marge asks.

"Upstairs with Oscar playing video games." Lisa replies. Bart comes downstairs.

"Bart! What did you do to the babysitter?!" Homer yells.

"You hired Ms Botz again..." Lisa explained.

"I was asking Bart, sweetie..." Homer says to Lisa in a motherly tone while pinching her cheeks.

"I knew it! And you made me rush to get to the Club Cabana!" Marge yelled at Homer.

"D'oh!" Homer groans.

"Oh! I'm just glad you babies are all okay!" Marge hugs her kids.

However Marge realised the kids really needed a babysitter while Ruth and Laura were on vacation and Abe was too senile and feeble. Because one rainy afternoon...

One afternoon Bart and Lisa wanted to fly a kite.

”No! Don’t be silly! It’s thunder and lightning outside!” said Homer. There was a lightning storm and it was raining buckets outside.

”But Dad! Benjamin Franklin flew his kite in a lightning storm!” Lisa whined.

Bart rolled his eyes at her making a geeky reference.

”Heah but Benjamin Franklin isn’t my kid, whoever he is...” said Homer.

However while Homer was watching sports, Bart and Lisa snuck out with a kite.

Later.

”Homer where are the kids? Oh I hope they’re not outside in this ghastly weather!” Marge was worried. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

Marge answered. It was Wiggum holding Bart and Lisa by the scruffs of their shirt/dress. “Ma’am why were your kids riding a kite in the middle of a lightning storm alone?” Wiggum asked sharply.

Marge was shocked especially with Lisa and sent them to their rooms.

Then Mary Poppins arrived!

"Good afternoon! I'm Sherry Bobbins." said Sherry Bobbins. It's Mary Poppins you klutz!

"Mary Poppins?!" Homer gasped.

"No Sherry Bobbins." said the lady. “I’m my own original character like Ricky Rouse or Monald Muck!”

“Okay...” said Homer.

She somehow got wind that they needed a babysitter.

"Well I am a full time Nanny but I can see I would be out of your price range so I'll do one night for fifteen dollars!" said Sherry Bobbins.

"Fifteen Dollars?! What a rip!" said Homer.

"Do you have any family members to do it for free Mr Simpson?" Sherry asked.

"No. My Dad’s gone cuckoo and my wife's sisters have got dates..." yeah right..." said Homer.

Then you have very little choice then." said Sherry.

"Excellent! I'll explain everything you need to know Ms Bobbins!" said Marge.

In the kitchen she had just finished explaining to Ms Bobbins the kids food preferences and Bart's allergies. As well as things he certainly shouldn’t be doing like smoking or having ice cream for dinner.

...

Meanwhile Ms Botz was on the other side of town exhausted and cursing Oscar, that weirdo kid who scared her because he was being very weird that night while watching The Happy Little Elves on loop repeatedly. She found the whole thing torture even without him but for some reason the little brat loved the cartoon.

Ms Botz noticed a wanted poster with Oscar on it.

"Wanted for murder." read the poster.

"I'll get you for this you little turd!" Ms Botz ripped down the poster.

...

Elsewhere at the Simpsons Sherry Bobbins was trying to get Bart to tidy his room.

"Now Bart we can make this fun with a little song." said Sherry Bobbins. They sung a song about doing a half assed job by squeezing everything into Bart's wardrobe, folding the duvet over some junk on his bed and stuffing everything else into his toy box. With the excuse that everyone was taking shortcuts.

”Now children we can make this into a song! Ooooooooh... when there’s a task to be done, don’t turn your tail and run! Don’t pout, don’t sob... just do a half assed job...”

”Look children, everyone cuts corners, even your mom and daaaad!” Sherry sung.

Homer was dumping and old couch over the fence into Flanders’s house.

“If nobody sees it, then they can’t get maaaaad!” Sherry sung.

”It’s the American waaaaaaay!” Bart sung.

”When the police man on the beat is rushed off his feet...” Wiggum was relaxing while a blue haired Snake Jailbird or Smake was mugging someone.

”Get off of my back!” Matt yelled. “ I coloured him in wrong! Okay!?”

”And the convenience store clerk, can charge a little more... for meat!”

”For meat!” Apu sung.

”And milk!”

”And milk!” Apu sung.

”From nineteen eighty foooooooouuuuurrrrr!”

The Simpsons study Bart’s now tidy room.

”Now that we’re done, you have more time to plaaaaay!” Sherry sang.

“It’s the American waaaaaaay!” Bart sung.

They tidy up lazily by stuffing things into cupboards and draws and hiding under Bart’s blanket etc.

The song ended with them singing "It's the American waaaaaaay!" as the family and Sherry and Oscar marched out of Bart's room. Homer shut the door behind him. All of Bart's stuff spilt out everywhere and Maggie popped out of his toy box sucking her pacifier.

Plot 2[]

Bart still had Ms Botz on his mind. "Who are we gonna encounter next? Sideshow Bob?" Sherry Bobbins was taking them to the park.

"No he's still in prison." said Oscar.

They encountered Willie playing music on various instruments attached to him until he was exhausted. He was singing I'm a maniac! Maniac!

Then Nelson gave Sherry Bobbins a flower. He was embarrassed at doing so.

Bart smirked at him.

Oscar was redecorating the path with murals with his cartoons. Meanwhile a blue haired Snake Jailbird was mugging someone in the background.

"Leave me alone!" Matt cried.

”Black Smitheeeeeers!” Oscar sang.

"What lovely art! Say Bart and Lisa. Wouldn't it be a joy if we could go to those magical worlds?" said Sherry Bobbins.

"Lady they're just pictures you can't just enter them like in Super Mario 64!" said Bart.

"That's where you're wrong Bart!" said Sherry Bobbins. she sang another song and they found themselves transported into one of the murals.

"Okay but no dancing penguins or cartoon foxes being chased by British fox hunters!" said Bart.

“But I like the hunt!” Oscar whined drinking a cup of tea.

Lisa frowned at him.

"Or you singing Superfragallisticexpealladocius or however it's spelt!" Oscar added. "Disney was very specific about that!"

Bart looked around the forest world in the mural they were in.

"Uh Oscar what is this a painting of?" Bart asked.

"Uh Happy Little Elves..." Oscar replied.

The curious bear cub appeared and began sniffing Bart's crotch with his big wet shiny green nose.

"Ay carumba! Get us outta here! Now!" Bart yelled.

“Spoilsport...” Oscar groaned.

...

Bart was getting help with his homework from Sherry Bobbins.

"Lady, Bart Simpson doesn't do Homework..." said Bart.

"Oh it's easy Bart. Just remember a little song to help you. In 1783..." said Sherry Bobbins.

"Lady I said I don't do homework!" Bart was being rude.

"Bart! Do your homework!" Homer yelled.

Bart hastily did his homework.

"Ms Bobbins. What have we got planned for today?" Lisa asked.

"Well, your friend insisted we have a tea party on the ceiling with voice actor Ed Wynn." said Sherry Bobbins.

"Oz..." Bart sighed doing his history homework.

At the tea party Ed Wynn did his Mad Hatter voice.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Ed asked.

“Mr Ed Wynn stop making us move seats! I haven’t had any tea yet!” Oscar groaned.

“Move down, move down, move down!” Ed Wynn sung as he moved the Simpsons and Oscar and Sherry Bobbins about the table.

Then they celebrated his happy unbirthday party. Which he has 364 of a year.

Then The Twilight Zone Death tried to claim his soul.

”Oz stop referencing that time Ed Wynn was in an episode of the Twilight Zone!” Bart whined.

Then their next outing was worse...

"Oh my! Bart, Lisa we must hurry! We're late for your afternoon with your aunts Patty and Selma!" said Sherry.

Bart and Lisa screamed.

”Gosh all fish hooks...” Oscar sighed.

At Patty and Selma's they were bored and couldn't breathe because of the cigarette smoke. Patty and Selma sung a musical sing a long about smoking themselves to death.

Even Sherry was bored.

The flat was so quiet you could hear Aunt Gladys’s grandfather clock tick.

”Anyone for chickpea ice cream? No? Oh well, more for me.” said Patty eating chickpea ice cream.

”Got any tapes Aunt Selma?” Bart asked.

”Only about my liposuction and Patty’s hip surgery.” said Selma.

Bart and Lisa shivered in disgust.

”How about we play old maid?” Bart asked.

”We’re living it...” said Selma.

Then Patty and Selma sang about how they’re smoking themselves to death.

”Chim chimery chim chimery! Chim Chim cheroo!” The aunts sang as they smoked lots of cigarettes filling the apartment with smoke.

"Let's never go there again..." said Sherry as they walked home from Spinsters apartment block.


...

Bart and Lisa and Sherry Bobbins were watching the Dick Van Dyke show.

"What are you guys watching?" Oscar asked.

"The Dick Van Dyke show." said Bart. "It's funny because he has a rude name!" Bart sniggered.

"Oh you mean the Penis Van Lesbian show. The blue haired lawyer was very insistent that we don't use those two words when talking about this show and the actor it's named after." said Oscar.

Bart sighed annoyed at the Blue haired lawyer's meddling.

One afternoon after a day out Lisa was ill with a cold.

She was in bed being tormented and slimed by Meuka, a cartoon slime monster.

(Meuka chuckling in a high pitched manner) Meuka chuckled as Lisa grunted struggling against the goo holding her hands stuck to the mattress.

Bart sucked him up in a vacuum cleaner.

"What do you suggest Ms Bobbins? A magic colour changing medicine that changes to different flavours?" Bart suggested.

"Um no. I'm prescribing Lisa gets plenty of rest and a hearty bowl of chicken soup." said Sherry Bobbins.

Bart sighed.

“Well at least sing a song. Like... A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go doooooown!” Bart sang.

”No! Disney’s lawyers were very specific about that!” said Oscar.

"Hey at least we didn't get sick Bart. Now we can watch Krusty all day! Or Dame Julie Andrews singing!" said Oscar.

"Oh god no! Not Julie Andrews!" Bart yelled.

Suddenly we cut to The Sound of Music opening where Julie Andrews sings "The Hills are aliiiiive with the sound of music."

Bart screamed and ran off to his room.

Then Sherry taught the kids to curse in a refined British manner instead of just resorting to expletives.

”Kids Aunt Patty and Selma are coming over!” said Marge.

”Aw bloody hell!” Bart groaned.

”Gosh all fish hooks...” Lisa sighed.

”Cor blimey... wot I wouldn’t give for a mutton shunter...” Oscar sighed.

”Hrrrrrrrm! Sherry, I don’t approve of any cursing in this house regardless of how archaic or refined it is or in foreign slang!” Marge was cross with Sherry Bobbins for teaching swearing in old Victorian slang.

Then Dick van Dyke as a loveable chimney sweep took them into a chalk pavement drawing thanks to Sherry’s witchcraft or something to a cartoon world of penguin dancing waiters and the British upperclass in a fox hunt.

”Oh no!” Lisa cried dismayed at a cartoon fox being chased by the British redcoats.

”Quit being dismayed at my glorious culture!” Oscar snapped.

”You’re proud your people kill defenceless creatures for sport, ey Limey boy?” Bart said scowling.

”No different to you betting on monkey knife fights, Yank...” Oscar retorted.

Then a band sung Supercallifragalisticexpialadicious or however it’s spelt.

”No Sherry! Disney was very insistent that we don’t sing that! Do you want us to get sued?!” Oscar whined.

”Fine...” Sherry sighed.

Then they were served tea and crumpets by the penguins.

”I love tea! It reminds me so much of the hunt!” Oscar said joyfully.

Lisa growled. “Stop enjoying fox hunting!”

...

Homer snuck out of the house as if he didn’t want to be seen. He came to a tree in the front yard with an orange bucket by it. He picked up the bucket and shook the tree. Fish fell out of it which he caught in the bucket.

Marge gave him some space and made sure the kids were suitably distracted.

Homer headed upstairs which was sealed off with a baby gate as a neglected and filthy clone of Bart wearing rags was running about like a dog and growling.

”Lunch time, freak!” said Homer handing over the bucket.

The boy took the bucket and ravenously ate the fish.

...


Eventually Sherry Bobbins had to go home but Grampa was having problems with her flying umbrella and was pulled into the air by it.

The Simpsons sighed at this spectacle.

Eventually Sherry said her goodbyes until next time.

"I forgot why we hired her again." said Homer.

Ms Botz was skulking about.

Bart and Lisa screamed. "Aaaaaagh! Ms Botz!"

The episode ended with scary music.

The end.

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