The Homer of Seville Homer has an accident that results in him having to lie down for a while but while in hospital recovering he discovers he is a fantastic opera singer whilst lying down. Mr Burns gets him into the opera singing business but Homer’s popularity results in rabid fans of upperclass women so a mysterious young woman saves him and Marge and agrees to be Homer’s Fan Club executive to control his out of control fans. However she soon turns out to be pure evil and has a stalker obsession with Homer...
Meanwhile as usual I have to fix some canon mistakes because Matt is ignoring canon as usual...
The chalkboard gag is “The Wall Street Journal is better than ever.
The title sequence is back to normal with no references to the movie...
“Matt’s planning a new HD title sequence soon viewers!” said Bart skateboarding home.
The couch gag is Homer evolving from a single called organism through early life, fish, the first animals on land, dinosaurs, the first mammals, monkeys to apes and then through the evolution to man... Moe evolves backwards. And finally modern man developing through ages such as Stone Age, medieval etc. Eventually modern day Homer comes home.
“Did you get the milk?” Marge asked as he sat down.
The episode starts at the church. The board reads, “Jesus Christ is the real American Idol.
Oscar is arguing with Matt Groening in church.
“No Matt! Bart is catholic now and Lisa’s Buddhist...” we hear a teleportation device working.
“And may Oscar please sit down so we can finish this prayer...” said Lovejoy.
We hear somebody sit down.
Church for the Sunday morning has finished. The Simpsons minus Bart and Lisa are first out. Followed by everyone else.
“Hurry up! Do you want to be second out of the parking lot?!” Homer yelled at Hugo. Well it wouldn’t be Bart because he’s catholic now...
Oscar tripped and fell over.
“Leave him!” said Homer. Again, Lisa is Buddhist...
“We left him last week and he didn’t make it home for dinner!” Marge yelled.
“Marge we’ve got to pick up our heathen kids from their cathedral and temple!” said Homer.
“D’ooooooh!” said Marge.
From the church path where he fell...
“Marge can you say your line again but say I missed brunch...?” said Oscar.
“Are you YouTube pooping the episode again...” Jessica asked.
“Yep...” Oscar giggled.
At Father Liam Neeson’s Cathedral.
Bart is being praised by Father Liam Neeson and receiving a liturgical book, a Missal.
“Finally I can doodle in the missal!” said Bart loudly so Oscar could hear as he saw Homer’s pink car pull up.
Oscar chuckled. “He referenced his guide to life...” Oscar sighed with laughter.
“Bart get in the car!” Homer yelled.
At Richard Gere’s temple.
“See you next Sunday Mr Gere!” said Lisa getting in the car.
“That sermon was so boring! And now we’re late for breakfast because of you two heretics!” Homer whined.
“Hey! Stop knocking their religion!” Oscar yelled.
“Well Cathedral was fine until Father Neeson had a lightsaber fight with Darth Maul during Mass...” said Bart.
“And I almost achieved enlightenment until Peter Griffin started harassing Mr Gere about him keeping gerbils up his butt again...” Lisa sighed.
“Well we’ll have to stop for brunch somewhere.” said Marge. “Where shall we stop? Griddled on the roof? Thank God it’s fried eggs? Luftwaffles? Bodacious Frittatas? Buffet the hunger slayer?”
“Oh that Buffy reference one! Hehehe... silly themed restaurants...” said Oscar.
“No! We can’t afford to eat at restaurant with a theme and a funny name...” said Homer being a spoil sport.
The kids groan.
“Homer it’s just for brunch! Pull over!” Marge nagged him.
“Wait I see a Denny's...” said Homer.
“Well I just want a simple salad with lots of pine nuts, and avocado...” Lisa listed things to go on her salad.
“I want shrimp! With butterscotch syrup all over it!” Oscar yelled. Bart glared at him for wanting something just because it was what he was allergic to.
“I’m not cooking! For once I want to dress up nice and have someone serve me something!” said Marge.
“All these places have such long lines...” Hugo groaned.
“Not that place!” said Bart.
There was a house with a funeral catering van parked outside delivering catering food. Mrs Krabappel was working for them as a food carrier for some reason...
“Bart. That’s not a restaurant that’s someone’s house and they’re having a funeral...” said Lisa.
“Oh cool! Look! Mrs Krabappel! Hi Mrs Krabappel!” Oscar squeezed past Bart to wave out the window at Mrs Krabappel delivering food to the funeral.
“Get back in the car!” Homer yanked Oscar back in the car.
Mrs Krabappel sighed as she went inside.
“Your sister’s right boy. Your mother is too classy to crash a funeral...” said Homer driving.
“I’m not cooking!” Marge yelled breaking into the funeral house via the basement... Um okay...
The Simpsons and Oscar shrugged and went off after Marge.
They had gate crashed the funeral.
“Why is everyone sad... and wearing black...” said Oscar.
”Because it’s a funereal Oz...” Bart groaned.
”You must have been to a funeral once Oz...” said Lisa.
”Nope.” said Oscar.
”Not even your parents’ funeral?“ Lisa asked.
”Didn’t arrange one for them. Just partied all night.” said Oscar.
”Why am not surprised. You did hate them after all...” said Lisa.
Homer and Marge were at the buffet table eating.
“Homer you have to try the beef au jue!” said Marge.
Homer tried some. “Mmmmmm! Jeu... not quite gravy, not quite blood...” said Homer.
“Mmmmmmm... blood... (Gargles)” Ace drooled and gargled like Homer.
“Why is he here...?” Bart asked.
“My fan fiction my rules...” said Oscar.
“Hey all those people are gathering about!” said Bart.
“Oh I bet it’s a make your own sundae bar... Mmmmm chocolate and vanilla and nuts and.... Aaaaaagh! A well dressed corpse?!” Homer screamed as they arrived at an open casket with a dead old man inside.
“Oh no! We’ve crashed a funeral!” Marge gasped.
“Ha! Don’t worry Marge! You’re not the first!” said Mrs Krabappel.
“Mrs K... why are you doing food catering...” said Bart.
“Teaching doesn’t pay me enough... all the teachers are taking second jobs...” said Mrs Krabappel.
Mr Largo is working at Krusty burger. “We are out of Krusty rings. Repeat wear out of Krusty rings...”
“Come on! We have to leave!” said Marge. “Where’s Bart?”
A boy was upset and saying goodbye to his grandpa.
“I’m gonna miss you Grampa...” the boy cried.
“I’ll miss you too...” Bart was practising his ventriloquism skills to scare kids at funerals again.
The boy screamed in terror and ran away,
Bart peaked out from behind the coffin and laughed.
“Bart stop causing mischief! We’re going! Where’s your father?” Marge took Bart by his hand and went off to find Homer.
Homer was at the buffet table eating.
A lady arrived.
“Um my brother twisted his ankle setting up the chairs.”
“Oh won’t this curse on this family end?! Such tragedy! (Homer pretending to cry)” said Homer crying and eating from the buffet.
“Would you be a pallbearer for us?” asked the lady.
“Certainly!” said Homer.
He obviously didn’t know what a pallbearer does. They carry the coffin to its grave...
“Ooooooh! I thought she said Polar bear...” said Homer whining.
“Please sir! A little respect!” said one of the pallbearers.
“Oh yeah. Whaaaaaa!” Homer fell down somewhere.
He was lying in an open grave. A familiar shadow arrived.
“You awful, awful man! Get out of my son’s grave!” said Mons.
“I hate to break it to you lady but this is my- Mom?!” said Homer.
“Homer!” Mona asked.
A record scratched as Bart interrupted the loving reunion.
“Hey Grandma you are not supposed to be here yet! Mr Burns could be still after you!” said Bart.
“I’ll just send her back to England. I’ll see you later Mona! And no more kidnapping Dalmatian puppies!” said Oscar.
“What was that about Dalmatian puppies?” Bart asked. “Never mind, Dad lie down, you’ve hurt your back...” said Bart.
“Okay,..” said Homer lying down in the grave.
Bart smirked as he was to annoy Homer in this scene. “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... etc etc.” said Bart burying him alive.
Homer spluttered as got mud in his mouth from Bart trying to bury him. “Boy stop it! (Spitting) This isn’t funny!”
Homer ended up in hospital.
“Now Homer you have a minor back sprain. And you’ve ingested a dangerous amount of grave dirt.” said Dr Hibbert.
“Well doc, you’ve always said I should eat more dirt...” said Homer.
“Not dirt! Vegetables!” said Hibbert.
“Which grow in...” said Homer being annoying.
“Mmmmmmm... Look to realign your vertebrae I am going to lay you down straight. This procedure costs a thousand dollars...” said Hibbert.
“D’oooooooooh!” Homer sung D’oh opera style.
“Hmmmmm... that doesn’t sound like my husband’s usual annoyed groan...” said Marge.
Hibbert tested Homer tapping his stomach. “Ooooooohhhh!” Homer sung.
“Hmmmmm, it seems that when Homer is lying down straight like this his stomach is perfectly under his diaphragm, giving him a powerful voice!” said Dr Hibbert.
“Is that real?” Bart asked.
“Yes!” said Lisa. “One of the three tenors Andrea Bocelli sung n entire song on his back!”
Homer sung if I were to ever leave you it wouldn’t be in summer! Beautifully.”
Bart blew a bubble with his bubble gum and it bursted because he was shocked by Homer’s beautiful singing. Everyone is still dressed for church by the way.
“He’s even more beautiful than Ralph!” Oscar cried from how wonderful Homer’s singing was compared to Ralph’s version.
Homer sung throughout the hospital as nurses took him about to surgery, the MRI scanner, his ward ext.
His singing was so good it bought someone back from the dead. The doctor about to put the blanket over a dead patient screamed at the patient coming back to life and suffocated him with a pillow.
A mother gave birth to a crying baby. However Homer’s singing soothed it and the baby happily grooved to the singing.
Even Hibbert sung with a Homer while performing important surgery on an unconscious man.
Homer was still singing but Bart was playing with his bed causing him to sing badly when he sat up but sing beautiful when he lied down.
“Don’t play with the patients beds..” the nurse told Bart off.
Bart boded went about the hospital he found grampa sleeping on a bed sitting up. There was a hoover nearby. He had a devious idea and smirked.
He had turned the hoover on and was sucking at Grampa’s hair with the hoover nozzle. “Cooool!” He said when the suction pulled Grampa’s skin so he looked like Homer. “Grampa... Homer! Grampa... Homer... Grampa...”
“Don’t play with people’s faces...” the nurse sighed.
“Lady I’m bored...” said Bart.
Meanwhile Mr Burns was in the hospital morgue.
“Ah... I love shopping... I’ll have that guys liver! His legs, that guy’s moustache...” said Mr Burns.
“Well sir you have donated a lot of money to those anti helmet laws...” said Smithers.
“Ah yes the young are so precious to me...” said Mr Burns. Suddenly he heard Homer’s beautiful singing. “Smithers! What is that infectious singing? It’s making my heart race!”
Mr Burns’s steampunk heart beated as tiny men kept it working with bellows. I’m surprised he has a heart...
“It appears to be coming from own the hall sir.” said Smithers.
“To the Betty and Herbert Weinstein Pavillon!” said Mr Burns.
We pan over to the mural for the Betty and Herbert Weinstein Pavillon. Peter Griffin crosses out Herbert’s name with with a red spray paint and tagged “pervert!” above it.
“Peter, that’s Harvey Weinstein... and that hasn’t happened yet...” said Oscar.
“Shaddup...” said Peter Griffin.
Homer was in his ward singing while a nurse distracted kept poking a patient in the eye with the thermometer. Eventually he got fed up and put it in his mouth himself.
Mr Burns arrived. He was shocked to find the singer with the lovely voice was Homer.
“Simpson?” Mr Burns gasped.
“Agh! Mr Burns!” Homer screamed.
“Ohohoho! No need to worry Simpson... I am the chairman, Director and owner of the Springfield performing arts club. I am putting on a little performance called La Bohéme. And I want you to be the lead part!” said Mr. Urns.
“But I can only sing while lying on my back...” said Homer.
“Oh I suppose we could make a few adaptations...” said Mr Burns.
A theatre is playing La Bohème.
Everyone is getting ready.
“Places people!” said the director.
“Wait, what is this movie about?” Homer asked.
“For the last time it is not a movie!!” The director screamed at him.
“Fine... film...” said Homer.
“It’s an opera!!” He strangled Homer. “And you’re in it!” He kissed Homer and gave him some encouragement.
The opera started. Homer was lying down singing why his character in this adaptation was lying down for some reason to another opera singer.
“I hurt my foot!” Homer sung in Italian. The singing continues as We find Lenny and Carl are listening from the stage balcony above the stage where light technicians are supposed to be.
“This show is great!” said Lenny.
“But these seats are terrible....” said Carl.
Homer was now crying and singing at the bed of a dead women who I’m guessing is the wife or lover of the main character. He sings and cries “Mimi!!” Before rudely shoving her off the bed and lying on the bed to sing.
Oscar is watching with opera glasses. “You’d think if he loved that woman so much he wouldn’t throw her off of the bed...” said Oscar.
“Yeah it’s totally inaccurate...” said Lisa insulted by the adapted opera.
“I wonder what Sideshow Bob would have felt if he could watch this...” said Oscar.
“I dunno he’s not here right now...” said Bart.
However Sideshow Bob was in the audience with Francesca and Gino watching the opera.
“He does have a wonderful voice. But these awful changes make me angry enough to want to kill him...” said Sideshow Bob.
Gino nodded and looked through opera glasses at the audience for the Simpsons and Oscar.
Meanwhile where the Simpsons are
“Oscar what is that you’ve got?” Bart asked.
Oscar had a small bottle labelled Alum. “Alum. I put some in Plácido’s drinking water. You can’t have an opera episode without someone pranking the opera singers... I learnt that from watching cartoons...”
Plácido Domingo was singing Figaro, despite that being in Carmen. But every time he sung Figaro his head shrunk and his voice got more high pitched.
“Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!” Plácido sung until he had a tiny head and a high pitched voice.
Oscar, Screwy squirrel, and Bugs Bunny laughed hysterically.
“Isn’t that dangerous?” Bart asked.
“No! It’s cartoon physics! It’s funny?” Oscar giggled.
Eventually the opera finished.
Everyone cheered Homer.
“Homer it gives me great pleasures to announce you are a star!” said Mr Burns.
“Woohoo!” Homer cheered.
“An opera star!” said Mr Buns.
“Oooooh...” Homer whined.
in his changing room Homer was greeted by his family.
“Marge! Kids!” Homer hugged them.
“Dad you were awesome!” said Bart.
“And you contributed to a rich culture!” said Lisa.
“Oh! I didn’t mean to!” Homer whined thinking he did something wrong.
“No that’s a good thing!” said Lisa.
“Ohhhh...” Homer sighed with relief. “I thought I had embarrassed you like that time I got drunk at your school dance...” said Homer.
“Dad the school dance isn’t until next week...” said Lisa.
“Sweetie we can’t change the future...” said Homer.
“Yes we can!” said Oscar carrying Frink’s boom box time machine from To Fright and Scare Harms.
The Simpsons groaned at him.
Homer had another opera to attend. The technicians had to put his banner on its side to show he was lying down in his performance.
Some elephants were pulling him up into position.
The elephants trumpeted. Their trumpet sounds translated as “Are we lighting the entire cast?!” said one elephant.
“No! One guy!” said the other.
“One guy?!” said the first.
Bart went on stage with a bag of peanuts. “Ooooh Stampy I got you some peanuts...” said Bart.
The first elephant trumpeted. “I’m bot Stampy. He’s over there!” He pointed with his trunk to Stampy.
“I would like some peanuts though.” said the second elephant.
“You’re on a diet!” said the first.
This was all in elephant sounds!
Bart found Stampy. “Ah! There you are boy! Of course I recognised ya!” Bart lovingly ran up to Stampy expecting a hug from his trunk. But Stampy grabbed him with his trunk and stuffed Bart in his mouth. He had Bart’s legs sticking out of his mouth. “You sure like using people as pacifiers don’t ya Stampy...” Bart groaned.
At an ice hockey rink Homer sung so loudly he shattered glass. This shattered the window on the penalty box containing two hockey players in red uniforms.
“Yes! Free., free at last!” said the seemingly evil ice hockey players as they left trails of fire behind them where they skated. Um....
Homer was in a changing room getting changed when Plácido Domingo whipped him with a wet towel.
“Yyyeeeouch! A wet towel! Now I know how that weird little fat German kid at Lisa’s school feels!” Homer screamed as he rn away with Plácido chasing him.
“Come here butterball!” said Plácido.
“No! Don’t make me run! I’m full of chocolate!” Homer cried as he ran about the changing room naked as opera singers laughed at him.
“Stop!” Pavarotti yelled.
“Pavarotti!” Homer gasped.
Pavarotti sung a very loud note that caused an earthquake.
“Thanks Pavarotti... You taught me obesity is something to be proud of...” said Homer.
Pavarotti thanked him in Italian for the compliment.
Homer then took Marge to the singing sirloin/pimento olive. The posh restaurant...
“I’m surprised by the reoccurring characters working here!” said Marge.
They looked down the room of the restaurant where Llewelyn Sinclair, the rude fat drama teacher and Groundskeeper Willie as G.K Wilmington Esquire were waiting on the customers.
“Uh...” Homer was confused.
“It’s continuity! Deal with it!” said Oscar at a table on his own.
“May I offer you a basket of complementary bread sir?” asked G.K Willington Esquire.
“Sure G.K.” said Oscar. G.K Willington gave him a basket of bread rolls. Oscar immediately got frustrated trying to spread butter on the rolls because the butter was too hard.
“Homer... do your groupies have to be here...” Marge sighed.
The camera pans over to Lenny and Carl wearing sunglasses and smoking cigars. There was a pause. Carl sighed. “Fine... we’ll sit at another table...” they got up and left.
A young waiter came over.
“Sir, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed your shit!” said the waiter.
“What?!” Homer gasped.
“I said I thoroughly enjoyed your performance tonight sir...” said the waiter.
“Oohhhh...” Homer sighed relieved.
Oscar was giggling as he was typing away at a laptop to YouTube poop the episode with silliness.
On the way home.
“Marge I can’t sing those lyrics without thinking of your beautiful shit!” said Homer.
“What?!” Marge gasped.
“Your face! Your beautiful face!” Homer tried to explain.
“Oooooh Homie!” Marge said romantically.
Oscar giggled. “I made you swear! Hehehe!”
Homer growled. “I’ll teach you to mock me with funny edits! Raaaaagh!” He strangled Oscar.
Oscar makes Bart’s gasping and choking sounds.
“Homer no! He’s not our kid!” Marge explained.
“And that makes this right?!” Oscar gasped with Homer’s hands tightly around his throat.
Marge sighed disappointed.
Suddenly a woman screamed a horrible scream.
“Oh my God! My husband’s been murdered!” The lady screamed.
The Simpsons and Oscar ran home in fear.
Homer had another performance the following night. Carmen. He was singing a song to Toreador the fat bullfighter. This was Bart’s favourite song to sing silly lyrics to. “Toreador, please don’t spit on the floor! Use a cuspidor, that’s what it’s for...” Bart sang to the music before giggling with Oscar.
“Bart stop that! This is supposed to be inspiring!” Marge told off Bart.
“But Dad is encouraging me...” said Bart.
Homer sat up during the instrumental to hold up a cuspidor and spat in it.
“Shhh!” Marge hushed Bart.
Bart and Oscar sat there bored.
The conductor instructed the orchestra to play louder of Bart rudely talking.
Bart and Oscar snored loudly and rudely.
Marge told them off.
Then Toreador appeared and sung.
“Is that the bullfighter?” Bart asked.
“Yes Bart...” Lisa sighed.
“No way a Bull is gonna miss a target that big!” said Bart.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Marge got incredibly frustrated by their rudeness.
“Who are those people?!” Martin’s dad said to Martin angry and insulted by Bart and Oscar constantly talking over the opera.
Martin shrugged his shoulders even though he knew they were his class mates.
“When’s this finish...” Bart groaned.
“It ain’t over till the fat lady sings!” said Oscar.
A fat lady on stage sings.
“Fat enough for ya Oz?!” Bart smirked. They both bursted out laughing hysterically.
Marge was very disappointed in them. What’s worse was they continually found the same things funny about that opera they found funny years ago.
“I’ve never been so mortified!” Marge scolded them.
“Yeah, stupid brats... can’t sit through one of my operas...” Homer sulked.
“Homer when I took you to see this opera years ago you were mucking about with Bart!” said Marge.
Suddenly they heard screaming and were accosted by a crowd of adoring fans. Posh ladies crying with joy, “it’s Homer! Ooooooh!”
“Run!” Bart explained having dealt with rabid fans when he was briefly famous as the I didn’t do it boy. They ran off chased by the posh women until they lost them by hiding in an alleyway.
“We’ve lost them!” said a posh lady.
“Mildred, use your opera glasses!” said another posh lady.
A lady used high tech gadget opera glasses to find the Simpsons. Coooool!
“Still nothing!” Mildred on,y saw an empty alleyway. “Switching to infra red!” The gadget opera glasses could see in infra red. (Heat signatures...)
Heat signatures appeared in the the large industrial bins/dust carts.
One bin had the heat signatures of the Simpsons and Oscar. Homer was eating something. Eeeeew...
Another dust cart had the heat signatures of Clownjas bobbing up and down waiting for someone stupid enough to open the lid of the dust cart to pull them in and eat them.
“There they are!” Mildred pointed to the dust cart the Simpsons and Oscar were in.
“Oh crap!” said Homer as they suddenly bursted out of the dust cart and ran away. However there was a steel fence at the end the alley trapping them.
“Oh no! We’ll be torn apart by rabid fans!” said Marge.
“They’ll tear me apart! I don’t think they’re interested in any of you!” said Homer bluntly.
Suddenly a motorcyclist in a black motorcycle outfit and helmet riding a black motorcycle leapt over the wire fence and parked between the posh ladies and the Simpsons (plus Oscar).
“Cooool! said Bart.
“Come with me if you want to live.” said the motorcyclist.
“Agh! It’s an alien from the planet Zorvirax!” said Oscar being stupid. Bart slapped him upside the head for being stupid.
“Well should we trust them?” Homer asked.
“Well they want to help us.” said Marge.
They somehow all got on the motorcycle with the driver. Yes I know my rewrite is stupid...
They all arrived back home safe and sound.
“Thank you Mist-“ Marge thought the driver was a man but they took their helmet off to reveal they were a woman. A very hot sexy woman with black hair.
“No problem! I’m Julia, Julia Frost. I deal with crazy fan bases all the time...” said Julia.
Oscar had a nose bleed from being sexually aroused and fainted.
“Agh! A woman motorcycle driver impossible!” Homer screamed.
Julia rolled her eyes.
“Excuse my husband... Would you like to come in for tea?” Marge asked.
“I’d love to,” said Julia.
They welcomed Julia in. She explained her job. She offered her services as a manager to celebrities to keep their crazy fans at bay.
“Stars of all kind have the small band of fans who ruin everything for the others Marge. I’m here to keep the crazies off your husbands back.” said Julia. “I also do paper work.”
“Oh that’s wonderful because I have a lot of paper work.” said Homer.
“I’ll make the tea!” Marge went to the kitchen leaving Homer alone with Julia as the kids went to bed as soon as they got in.
Homer engaged in small talk with Julia thinking she was honest in her intentions to help him. However she did something shocking. She stripped off naked!
“If Marge is giving you a rough time just come to me babe...” said Julia.
“Marge...” Homer cried shocked by what he saw.
“You tell your wife and I’ll say you attacked me!” Julia was obviously deranged or something.
“Yes Homie?” Marge asked from the kitchen.
“Uh everyone has their clothes on.” said Homer lying as Julia was threatening him.
“Oh that’s nice.” said Marge.
Julia winked at Homer in a sultry manner. He gulped.
Later Marge and Homer were watching Julia take phone calls from fans to see how she handled them.
“Yes Homer can do that. No Homer can’t do that... No Homer can’t come to your daughter’s birthday party but he will come briefly for a slice of cake and his fill of buffet food.” said Julia.
“She’s great!” said Marge.
“Except for the bit about you wanting a slice of cake, make that the whole thing tubsy wubsy.” said Bart.
“Why you little!” Homer strangled Bart.
Julia was having tea with them.
“She is so professional! Don’t you think Homer?” Marge asked.
“Uh... yeah... sure why not?” Homer said sheepishly as he knew she was nuts.
Julia closed her eyes as she tied a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue. On her eyelids read “Be Mine”
Julia kept stalking him. At work she somehow got in the radiation handling cell that nothing living should even be in because of the lethal amounts of radiation from the carbon rods Homer was picking up and moving about with thick safety gloves from behind a screen. She made Homer touch her chest. He screamed and ran off.
Then he was taking Santa’s Little helper for a walk but while he was distracted he looked back at Santa’s Little Helper to find he has been replaced by Julia in a sexy cat outfit. Homer screamed and ran off.
“What are you? Gay?” Moe yelled. Uh no his married...
Then Homer found Marge in bed one evening because her blue hair was sticking out. He wanted to give her snuggles but found Julia wearing a Marge wig.
“Right that’s it! Let me get one thing clear!” Homer yelled. “My heart belongs to Marge! And that’s how it’s gonna be! This opera is over when the fat man sings!”
“I see... My behaviour has been out of order...” said Julia realising she was in the wrong.
“Good... you’ve dealt with this calmly and realise that you can’t have me and will never have the one you truly love... now I think it would be wise if you left now...” said Homer.
“I’ll go. I think it’s best if we never speak again...” said Julia.
Julia went to leave.
“Uh Julia, one thing...” said Homer.
“Yes Homer...” said Julia.
“Can you hire your replacement? And make sure she’s not crazy like you!” said Homer. That’s a really dumb thing to say Homer.
Julia gave him a murderous look as she left.
The next morning eerie music played as Homer poured himself some cereal. But there was a live cobra in his cereal! Homer screamed. “Ah! Cobra!” He grabbed the cobra and slammed it against the fridge repeatedly. “Die! Die! Stupid cobra! Die!”
Maggie laughed at the stunned cobra that had a cartoonish look of of being dazed on its face from being slammed into a refrigerator.
“Dad! I think someone is trying to kill you!” Lisa warned him.
“But who could it be? The cobra must be their symbol...” said Homer being stupid.
Lisa sighed at his stupidity.
“You think that’s bad, I have a bear in my oatmeal!” said Oscar as there was a fully grown grizzly male on the kitchen table with his paw in Oscar’s oatmeal. The bear growled.
The Simpsons screamed.
“Oscar get rid of that thing now!” Bart yelled.
At the opera house before a show Homer was under police guard in his room singing.
“Stu stu stupid Flanders!” Homer sung.
“Well hi diddly ho Hmoerino!” said Ned somehow getting past the cops.
“Get lost you waste of a moustache!” said Homer.
“Okilly dokilly!” said Ned.
“Chief I’m worried for my husband’s safety I think we should cancel the show.” said Marge.
“After one death threat?! You know Marge, you were never this quick to panic when it was Sideshow Bob threatening Bart...” said Wiggum.
Marge sighed annoyed at Wiggum.
“Anyway nothing to worry about! This entire hall is on lock down! We have snipers on the gargoyles, inflatable Homer decoys in the audience and to take out the biggest threat of all... we’re pre crashing the chandelier...“ said Wiggum.
Some cops drop the chandelier and it smashes on the floor.
The show started. The Simpsons were now spying on everyone with their opera glasses. Homer was on stage singing.
“Oh I’m so nervous I can’t enjoy your father’s singing! Lisa do you see anything unusual?” said Marge.
“No nothing at my end. But somebody is loudly unwrapping their candy bar...” Lisa said angrily.
“It’s not a candy bar it’s a lamb chop wrapped in foil!” said Moe. “Lousy cheap skates... overpriced food my ass...”
“Uh Mom are conductors supposed to be carrying poison darts...?” Bart asked seeing something very suspicious...
“Well Arthur Miller used to in his pocket but I better check...” Marge checked out the suspicious conductor.
The conductor/maestro was Julia! She was planning on blowing a poisonous dart at Homer.
Marge gasped. “Chief! The maestro is the killer!” said Marge.
“I’m on it!” said Wiggum putting on a Viking helmet and carrying a gun to take out Julia.
Julia saw him and furiously took off her wig and made the orchestra play loudly. The noise startled Wiggum and he fell head first between two cello players they poked him with their fiddles.
“Ow! Ow! Allegro! Allegro! No no! Lento! Lento! Ah that’s better...” said Wiggum being poked by fiddles.
Julia with Wiggum out of the way tried to blow the poisonous dart at Homer but Marge dived down expertly and grabbed a tuba and caught the dart I. It and blew the dart back at Julia. It struck her and she quickly succumbed to its effects.
Eddie ordered the snipers to fire. They did so but missed Julia completely. She was annoyed by this.
Eventually after some inaccurate fire the chandelier fell on Julia and squished her.
“Eeeeew!” said the Simpsons.
Luckily for Julia she survived and the doctor had some good news.
“Ahehehe! Luckily for you the bullets firing stopped your heart long enough to stop it pumping the poison around your body until the chandelier fell on you and squeezed it all out. You’ll be up and stalking in no time... Ahehehe!” said Dr Hibbert chuckling.
Marge had words with Julia.
“I’m sorry you got hurt, but you learned an important lesson! Stay away from my Homie!” said Marge.
“This ain’t over Marge! I will be back! You haven’t seen the last of me!” Julia did typical defeated villain gloating. Oscar was in the background doing the chit chat hand gesture with his hand. “Oh and I’ve scheduled the cable guy for Wednesday afternoon.” said Julia calmly.
“Oh... that’s no good for me....” Marge groaned as it wasn’t a good time.
“I know Marge, I know... Mwuhahahaha! A hahahahaha!” She laughed evilly.
Oscar did a “She’s crazy!” Gesture with his finger at his head.
“Take her away boys.” said Wiggum as Julia was taken away to be incarcerated.
The cops soon left.
“Well that was an adventure.” said Marge,
“That was so cool! And we got another arch enemy! I hope she comes back again and again!” Oscar is a little too eager having an arch enemy...
“Oz...” Bart sighed.
“Well I’m giving up opera. Too many crazy fans! I’ve found something more fun to do on my back!” said Homer giggling with Marge. We’re lead to believe this is sex...
However at Home in the lounge Homer is lying on a scaffold painting the ceiling like Michaelango painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
“Lying down made me good at art!” said Homer painting a Simpsons version of the painting of God and Adam.
“Is that real...” Bart asked Lisa in disbelief.
“No...” Lisa said as if what Homer suggested was silly.