Simpsons Fanon
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The Great Simpsina Lisa becomes a magician under an old magician called Raymondo. But a young trendy magician tricks her into revealing one of the Great Raymondo’s tricks and steals it for his show. And the Simpsons have too many peaches from peach picking and try to get rid of them.

Plot[]

There’s no titles as we open straight into the episode.

The Simpsons are at a peach farm picking peaches.

“Oh Man! I can’t believe we have to pick these peaches ourselves! Ugh! This activity is so lame I’m gonna daydream about school...” Bart dreamt he was in class. Mrs K gave him a pop quiz sheet. “Damn it! A pop quiz!”

“Aw! Come on Bart! It’s fun!” said Lisa. She was picking peaches. “Okay that one didn’t feel so fun... that felt about the same as the first... Ugh! Oh why did I suggest this activity?!” Lisa groaned.

“You didn’t. Monkey from Monkey Hero on the PlayStation did.” said Oscar.

Monkey from Monkey Hero was picking and eating the peaches ravenously. “(Beastly, gluttonous eating sounds as Monkey eats a peach leaving the stone which he throws away.)”

“Monkey you’re not supposed to eat them...” Hugo sighed.

“That’s Sun Wukong to you mortals!” Monkey yelled.

Then a young hick appeared and spoke to Lisa and Bart.

“Peach pickin’ ain’t so bad. As long as you’ve gotta song to take your mind off it.” said the young yokel.

“Ooooooh! Authentic American Folk music! Just like they play on NPR!” said Lisa.

“I’m afraid the only NPR we know down here is National Public Radio!” said The yokel disappointed.

Then he played his Banjo and sung “Oh, the year’s first peach, is a juicy peach!”

“Oh, the year’s first peach is a juicy peach! And he sings a happy tune!” The yokel sings as Lisa dances along to the sappy music. “And the year’s second peach is a grouchy peach, more like a prune!” They yokel frowned when he sung grouchy. Bart finds his singing annoying. “Now the year’s third peach is a-“

“How many verse does this song have!?” Bart yelled annoyed.

“I ain’t never ran out!” said the Yokel and he continued singing.

“Now the year’s third peach is a God fearing Peach, that does what the good book tells him!”

Lisa decided Bart was right and the song was annoying and they both stuck peaches in their ears. But Yokel boy popped out of a garden shredder still singing. “And the year’s fourth peach is a mouldy peach! Shame on the man that sells him!”

Oscar even got fed up and turned on the garden shredder. Shredding the annoying yokel to death. Like how Homer killed Krusty in Treehouse of Horror XIX.

“Aaaaaaaaagh! Oh God no! Aaaaaaaagh! Turn it off! Turn it off! Aaaaaaaagh!” The yokel screamed as he was shredded into a bloody mess that sprayed out of the shredder/wood chipper.

Oscar and Bart sighed with relief but the Yokel must have a clone or something because he was alive again and dressed as a scarecrow as a crow pecked his eye.

“Now the year’s fifth peach is a fuzzy peach! It’s kisses are quiet ticklish!”

Oscar pulled out an old fashioned double barrel sawn off shotgun and blasted the annoying singing yokel away.

...

“Hmmmmm! Not bad!” said Homer eating a peach.

“Homer! At least wait until we get them home! It’s hard enough stopping Oscar’s friend the Chinese monkey god from eating them...” Marge sighed.

“Hey! Did I give you mortals permission to take the sacred immortality peaches?!” Monkey yelled pointing his Dream Staff in a threatening manner.

“No Monkey! Not my friends! And these are just regular peaches! Not magic immortality ones...” said Oscar.

“Oz! Even though you’re my friend, even you have to address me properly! I’m Sun Wùkōng to you!” said Monkey Hero.

“Oh go and clobber the Nightmare King! I think he stole the Magic Storybook again!” Oscar snapped and went off to continue picking peaches.

“Hey look! Eric picked a fuzz less peach!” said Homer as baby Eric picked a nectarine and looked at it wondering if it would make a good pacifier.

“Dad that’s a nectarine. A peach with a recessive gene for no fuzz.” said Hugo.

Homer was confused.

“It’s a mutant basically. Which I find cool! Mwuhahahaha!” said Hugo laughing maniacally.

“Oooooh where’s the sensible genius Lisa...” Homer groaned.

“I dunno... and my maniacal tendencies do not make me any less of a genius...” said Hugo.

...

Bart and Lisa were considering what was worse. Picking peaches in silence or while that annoying yokel sings to them.

“Definitely the the annoying yokel boy singing...” said Bart. Unfortunately he jinxed things as...

“Now the year’s sixth peach is a-“ sung the Yokel walking out from behind a peach tree but Monkey quickly silenced him by slicing his head off with a dao. A Chinese sabre sword.

Bart and Lisa sighed and thanked the Chinese rebel god.

Bart found a rock that looked like a peach.

“Hey that rock looks like a peach!” Behind it was an actual peach. “There’s a peach behind that rock!”

Bart followed the peaches to a giant peach.

Cue Roald Dahl sitting by it writing books and James from his book James and the Giant Peach, leaning into the giant peach and checking his finger nails. There were also giant, man sized insects, a spider (arachnid), a worm (Annelid), and a centipede (Myriapod.)

“Oz no!” Bart whined.

Oscar groaned as the giant peach, Roald Dahl, James and the giant insects vanished in a puff of smoke.

...

Eventually the Simpsons reunited with their baskets of peaches.

“Hmmmmmm! Not bad! How much are they paying us to take these?” Homer asked.

“Nothing Dad. In fact we’re paying them to be allowed to come here and pick their fruit!” said Lisa.

“What the?! First I work! Then I pay?! Now I have to eat fruit?!” Homer cried. “Why was I ever born?!” Homer screamed.

“Because I love you Homer.” said Mona comforted him.

“Oh and I love you Mom!” Homer hugged his mother.

“Awwwwwww!” The Simpsons and Oscar cooed.

...

At the Simpsons house there was a musical montage of the Simpsons dealing with their collection of peaches.

Maggie and Eric were happily tossing peaches about in their peach filled kiddy pool. Bart and Lisa played croquet with peaches as the balls. When Bart hit a peach its stone flew out and rolled through the ground hoopy things.

Grampa had peaches put on the short legs of his Zimmer frame instead of tennis balls.

Homer then drove home one afternoon and opened his garage but loads of peaches rolled out and buried him.

“D’oh!”

Milhouse was sledging down them on a sledge and some other of Bart’s school friends were building a snowman out of peaches!

At school Milhouse and Bart were comparing lunches.

Milhouse had a regular lunch with his favourite Marshmallow whip sandwich.

Bart poured from his lunch box, some peaches...


“Haw! Haw!” Nelson laughed. But he wasn’t laughing when he found his lunch was a fish skeleton, his mother’s pants and old cigarettes. “Awwwww....”

...

At home, it was dinner time.

“Okay. We’ve got peach bruschetta on peach toast. Peach-aroni peach-zza and my personal home made BLTs or should I say, PPPs!” said Marge. BLTs with just peaches as the ingredients...

Oscar laughed. “Pee pee! Ahahahahaha!”

“Hehehehe! Good one Oz!” Bart chuckled.

Marge sighed. “I fell right into that one...”

“On a non stone fruit related topic honey, I booked us a couples massage...” said Homer.

“Oooooooh! A couple’s massage!” Marge sighed. “That way I can enjoy mine while making sure you don’t enjoy your massage too much!”

“Uh... Marge that’s never been a problem... our problem is that you can enjoy a massage. With all my flab (Homer pulls at his fat) my back is like quicksand to masseuses... it’s rather embarrassing...” said Homer.

After Marge and Homer left for their massage therapy treatment, Lisa sneaked out speaking to Bart via a walky talky radio. “The coast is clear! Do you remember what we’re doing?”

“Uh no. But I assume it’s dumping the peaches...” said Bart.

“Yes Bart... affirmative.” said Lisa.

“That also means yes...” said Bart.

“Ugh... over and out! Roger!” said Lisa.

“My name’s Bart!” said Bart.

Lisa sighed and wet round the side of the house.

Bart and Lisa left with toy brick carts hooked together as little trains filled with peaches. Bart had three and Lisa had three.

Maggie followed shortly afterwards with just one cart. But she kept falling over. Hehehe!

...

At a massage spa Marge and Homer are being massaged.

“When we get back the peaches will all be gone...” said Homer.

“Whaaaaat?! What will we eat?! Oh regular food after going to the shops like normal people...” Marge gasped but calmed down.

Homer described the masseuses as being part doctors part hookers.

At home Oscar and Hugo were discussing their disappointment and being fed up with eating just peaches or food with peach as the main ingredient while Oscar ate a slice of peach pizza.

“I am getting mighty sick of eating peaches all the time...” said Oscar.

“Yeah... despite Mom’s culinary skills. When you try to cook with just one or two main ingredients even the most appetising looking food just boils down to that episode of that lame cartoon you watch about a clown and Robinson Crusoe and other lame characters on a desert island when they found a recipe book and tried to make the recipes out of just bananas and coconuts...” said Hugo, describing the cartoon Charlie Chalk...

“Hey! I like that cartoon! It has a clown in it!” Oscar whined.

...

Bart took his carts of peaches through town.

“Ugh! Why do they put the dump so far away from where people live...” Bart groaned. Why do ya think Einstein...

Bart found Jimbo, Dolph and Kerney.

“Ugh! The horticultural Society has a Chinese festival on and we have nothing to hurl at their stupid Chinese lanterns!” Dolph groaned.

“Gentlemen I have what you need right here...” Bart offered them his peaches.

Kerney decided just to throw Bart. Bart was thrown into the Chinese festival tearing down some lanterns ad he went flying into them. Everyone gasped.

Bart watched as the bullies took his peaches and carts.

“Uh... oh well! That’s my mission accomplished...” said Bart shrugging.

...

Lisa meanwhile was in an eerie neighbourhood at night. It scared her. Also why the frig was she alone at night on a strange street?!

“Where am I?” Lisa asked. She has poor navigation skills. She once got lost on the way to the museum remember? “This neighbourhood is starting to look like Sesame Street?!” Lisa gulped.

Big Bird squawked at her. Lisa screamed and ran. She nearly ran into Cookie Monster.

“Cookie cookie!” said Cookie Monster aggressively.

Then she encountered Count Von Count the vampire.

“One scared little girl! Ah ah ah!” said the counting vampire.

Lisa came to dustbin. It shook from something inside it. She gulped. “(Chuckling nervously) Wonder who’s in there? Could it be Oscar the-“

“No!” Oscar Tamaki yelled annoyed popping out of the bin dressed in a green furry costume and covered in garbage.

Lisa was so startled she screamed and ran off.

“Actually I’m running and screaming because of a raccoon!” saidLisa as a raccoon chased her.

Oscar sighed and climbed out of the bin. Tried to wipe off some of the garbage and went home.

Plot 2[]

Lisa chased by the raccoon came across an old creepy house. She was banging on the door desperately. Presumably she’d be safer with the unknown resident than a scary raccoon...

The door mysteriously opens on its own. Spooky! Lisa doesn’t take long to question this as she ran inside and shut the door on the evil raccoon.

Lisa found the house seemingly empty. Or the owner was occupied in the bath or something... Obviously she was never taught not to peep through people’s things as she, being nosey poked around at the person’s antiques the owner was a collector of antiques, some macabre ones.

Lisa then found a red book covered in spider webs and dust. She picked it up and blew the dust and webs away.

The book was called the history of cobwebs. A really sad, boring book...

“What boring book...” Lisa sighed putting it down. However the owner was home and was entering! Lisa tried to find somewhere to hide because she already committed trespassing so why not make things worse by hiding!

She sees an Egyptian sarcophagus. She stupidly hides in it... “it’s rather dark and cramped in here...” suddenly she hears a ghoul groaning and green eyes in the darkness of the sarcophagus.

Lisa runs out screaming while being chased by an Egyptian mummy! Hehehehe!

“(Egyptian mummy growling)” the undead mummy roared as it chased Lisa.

“Now really Narrator!” Lisa said exasperated while panting as she ran. A Scooby Doo silly corridor chase commenced which lasted until Lisa managed to shut herself in somewhere away from the mummy.

“Hello? Is someone here?” The owner. A moustached man asked. He checked his front display room for artefacts and his boring book on cobwebs... the book had clearly been moved. “Where are you?! Whoever you are come out at once!” The man demanded.

The Egyptian mummy groaned and tried to show the man to its sarcophagus.

“Amenhotep? What are you doing out of your sarcophagus at this hour?” The man asked the mummy as if it was familiar to him.

The mummy grunted pointing to his sarcophagus.

“Is someone in there?” asked the man.

The mummy nodded.

The man collected up some swords and stuck them through the sarcophagus. Skewering anyone stupid enough to be waiting inside.

The man opened the sarcophagus. There was nothing inside. The man was confused and about to admonish his pet mummy when Lisa knocked desperately from somewhere.

“Help! I’m trapped in an alternate dimension! An existential nether space!” Lisa cried.

The man found her in a box that somehow she teleported into from the sarcophagus...

“Hi how ya doing?” Lisa asked sheepishly to the annoyed owner. Call the cops on her!

...

“Okay who sent you? Marvin the magician? Oswald the Occult?” The man asked Lisa. How about Marvin the Martian or Oswald the lucky rabbit... “Citywide Mortgage?” That last one was a bank, not a magician... “I told them! I worked everything out with Nima!”

“No one sent me! A raccoon chased me so I got scared and knocked on your door and it sort of opened on it’s own.” said Lisa.

“Um... how did I get from inside that sarcophagus to over there?” Lisa asked pointing to the box the man found her in.

Because this, is a house of magic!” said the man.

“Sounds like most of it is still owned by the bank.” said Lisa.

“Yes but the rest is magic!” said the man performing magic tricks.

He took out a ring put it around Lisa and pulled up a cylinder of fabric around her then lowered the cylinder to reveal he clothes had changed by magic!

“(Gasp!) How did you do that?!” Lisa asked. The man who was likely a magician magicked her back into her usual clothes.

“Permit me to introduce myself. I am the great Raymundo!” said the man. Lisa eventually got from his explanations that he was an old fashioned magician and escape artist.

“But no one wants to hear about an old man go on about bygone wonders...” said the Great Raymundo.

“Oh! I do! I do!” Lisa cheered eagerly.

“(Chuckles) Ok, but first you should call your parents and let them know you’re alright!” said Raymundo.

A crystal ball on a table was actually a phone.

“I got this from subscribing to a psychics monthly magazine. Then I cancelled the subscription! Ha! They never saw it coming!” said the a Great Raymundo.

...

After Lisa let Marge and Homer, her parents, know where she was and that she was alright. Raymundo showed her round.

He showed her an automaton. It played the piano before powering down.

“The mirror noir! Gaze into it and it will show you how you will die!” said Raymundo.

The mirror said Lisa would die from being morbidly obese. Lisa screamed.

Raymundo then showed her a painting of himself performing an escape trick with a lady assisting him. He explained this lady was his late wife.

“She was the only other one to know my secrets... now she’s gone I only have my own thoughts! And my medical marijuana...” said Raymundo. XD! He’s a junkie!

“Would you be interested in teaching me?” Lisa asked.

“What the?! A girl illusionist? Impossible! Ladies are for sawing in half and throwing knives at! A girl never wears the hat!” said Raymundo.

“How about just one trick...” Lisa asked.

“Okay. Here are five rings. Come back in a week and if you managed to link them up... Oh my! You already did it!” Raymundo was impressed Lisa performed the magic rings trick. “Well I suppose I can teach a girl! After all Blackstone taught a monkey!”

“That’s not very flattering...” said Lisa annoyed.

“You should be! That monkey now owns 18 car dealerships!” said The great Raymundo. “If you bought a family car in the St Louis area, you brought it from the great Chimpopo!”

“Eh?” Lisa asked.

“And now I leave you with a little coin work!” said Raymundo giving her a coin.

“Oooooh!” said Lisa fascinated.

...

At home in the dining room Lisa performed the coin in the ear trick on Homer.

“And George Washington took a trip down the ear-ry canal!” Lisa pulled a coin out of Homer’s ear.

“My ear makes money?!” Homer gasped. He rang up someone for a boat.

“Hello? Boats R us? I’d like to buy a boat please! What do you mean dial tone?!”

“No fair! Being a magician is my thing! It happened back in season twelve, The Great Money Caper.” said Bart.

“It’s continuity! Deal with it!” said Comic Book Guy.

“Yes, and you spent that episode grifting and conning people!” said Lisa.

“Oh yeah? Well I got this Krusty’s Magic kit last Christmas!” said Bart holding a Krusty themed magic set.

“Bart you haven’t even opened it...” said Lisa.

“Oh yeah?!” Bart tried to rip open the plastic. It’s too difficult too.

“Awwwww! Does baby need scissors?” Lisa asked. She slapped his back and he coughed up scissors.

“Safety scissors? Lame!” Bart groaned. Lisa slapped him and he coughed up larger scissors. She slapped his back again and he coughed up a pair of garden shears.

“Let’s see what else you’ve been hiding boy!” said Homer. He held Bart upside down by his ankles and shook him to make stuff fall out of him.

“Dad it doesn’t work like that. What I did was a magic trick...” Lisa explained.

Homer grunted as he shook Bart.

“Ay carumba!” Bart groaned as he was shook.

“I forgot why I’m doing this.” said Homer.

...

In Bart’s room, Bart and Lisa, rival junior magicians were performing tricks to practice their sleight of hand skills. Bart was shuffling cards expertly and Lisa was linking and separating metal rings.

Then Bart summoned flowers while glaring at Lisa.

Then Lisa pulled a white bunny rabbit out of her hat.

Then Bart made doves appear and fly about.

Then Lisa played the shell game with a ball.

“It’s hopeless! We’re both evenly matched as gifted magicians.” said Bart.

“Shame that isn’t the case when we’re in wizard school...” said Lisa.

Bart rolled his eyes and did chit chat hand gestures with his hand.

They then went to the Great Raymundo’s house dressed up as cute little magicians. Lisa went the full snazzy smart look in snazzy black suit with a Jon Pertwee neck frill an old fashioned magician at a circus would wear.

Bart just wore a black shiny top hat and a cape. He held his magic wand and box of tricks.

“I should really invest in a tuxedo... or white Mickey Mouse gloves...” said Bart.

They went inside.

Raymundo was wearing a red dressing gown with a Chinese flare of flames and dragons. He was moody about something.

“Mr Raymundo! I mastered the card shuffle! And the Denver card shuffle! Why is there a Denver version of things...” said Lisa.

Bart and Lisa could see The Great Raymundo was in a bad mood about something.

“What’s wrong of Great Raymundo?” Bart asked.

“It is this young pup! Gregg Demon!” said the Great Raymundo putting on a video tape.

There was a punk magician rockstar called Gregg Demon with flame and blood writing!

“Cooooool! I knew I should have been his assistant instead of Diablo’s!” said Bart.

Raymundo frowned.

“That’s my brother for ya. He likes Rock Music. Looks like Rock has taken to modernising magic acts...

“For my first trick I shall descend down to Hell and pick up a beautiful skank!” said Gregg Demon. He vanished in a burst of Hell fire. Because walking down pretend stairs is stupid.

Moments later he reappeared in a burst of Hell fire with a beautiful but deadly succubus. His fans cheered.

“Want my number babe?” The succubus asked.

“I have your number tattooed on my ass!” said Gregg Demon. “In fact it’s tattooed on all your asses!”

His fans were impressed to find he somehow tattooed their asses.

“Coooool! Free tattoos!” said Bart.

“Bah!” said Raymundo turning off the tape. “Any idiot with a soul patch can pull off a few card tricks! But where’s the magic? The mystery? The pulling rabbits out of hats? Oh!” Raymundo pulled a rabbit skeleton out of a top hat.

“Eeeeeeeeew!” Bart and Lisa groaned.

“Today’s lesson, always feed your props!” said Raymundo.

“Well duh...” said Bart.

...

There is a musical montage of a black guy singing “Oh Black Magic has me in a spell!” As Lisa performs Magic at school. Bat had that opportunity in season twelve but he decided he’d rather grift and con people.

Martin is assisting Lisa. He writes 63 on a small chalkboard. Lisa pulls off Jimbo’s hat. On his bald head reads the number 63. Everyone cheers. Kerney and Dolph laugh at Jimbo though.

Then Lisa made Maggie invisible except her clothes and pacifier. Several users on this fanon wiki this very episode is written on got an obsession with invisible people with visible clothes as a plot point of episodes.

I mean really. Do we need an episode of Party Posse turning invisible...

Then Lisa played the shell game with Raymundo and his medicine. He picked the wrong cup which was empty. He applauded Lisa’s skills but then had a heart attack! She quickly fed him his medicine and he recovered.

Then she played her saxophone and playing cards flew out.

Then at school Nelson was giving everyone wedgies for some reason. Martin volunteered for a wedgie. Nelson trying to yank out his underwear pulled out loads of colourful cloths.

Then Lisa pulled a live bunny out of a top hat.

Then Lisa at lunchtime levitated Lunch Lady Doris.

“Float! Float! Float!” Lisa’s friends cheer.

“If you want to do some real magic, get me a boyfriend who doesn’t go all religious on me!” said Lunch Lady Doris.

Plot 3[]

In Raymundo’s house Lisa is cleaning for him. Ninety percent of being a magician or sorcerer’s apprentice is menial labour and mopping the floor...

As she sweeps under the animatronic he folds up his legs. She then jogs a bust from its pillar. “Ah! No! No!” Lisa goes to catch the bust but it’s actually a hidden switch that opens a secret passageway! Ooooooh!

Lisa goes in the secret passageway. There are magician’s props in there. Then on a lectern by a big milk can is a book. It is Raymundo’s ultimate secret to his trick.

“Raymundo’s great secret!” said Lisa. The book was about the milk can escape trick.

“Written by Harvey Raymundo and Harry Houdini.” Probably long before he got punched in the stomach and died.”

Lisa was tempted to touch it. “No! I can’t! I shouldn’t!” She left the book hoping Raymundo won’t realise she’s in his secret chamber. However she bumps into him! She gulped in a cartoonish manner to show she thought she was in trouble.

“Lisa, I can trust you after all. I shall show you my greatest secret!” said Raymundo.

“Thanks! But why!?” Lisa asked.

“Because magic must be passed on to the younger generation! Otherwise it dies!” said Raymundo.

He checked a pocket watch. “The only other magic apart from tricks and illusions me and my late wife could make together was a child...” said Raymundo. He had a daughter somewhere. That would be a great conclusion to this episode Matt if she somehow returned... but no... we get evil Penn and Teller... Then he suddenly remembered he was supposed to be showing Lisa the milk can escape trick.

“I shall teach you. But fist make me a vodka and Tonic.” said Raymundo.

“You’re all out of tonic...” said Lisa.

“That won’t be a problem...” said Raymundo.

...

At school Lisa performed the milk can escape trick but with water inside instead of milk.

“I’m vegetarian...” said Lisa.

“Use soy milk...” said Oscar.

“Students, teachers... detentionees...” said Lisa.

The bullies, that’s Jimbo, Kerney and Dolph, Nelson, and his minions the weasels were all in detention.

Lisa successfully performed the escape trick. Well it would be rather morbid if she died...

After her trick she was signing autographs. The a suspicious new kid wanted to know the trick. Lisa stupidly fell for his charms. “Well I do have lots of male friends...”

“She’s lying she has none...” said Bart. He’s not in this episode much in canon.

“Shut up!” said Lisa to her brother. Anyway she stupidly showed the strange new kid Raymundo’s secret to the milk can escape. All because he looked handsome.

Lisa then realised her mistake when the boy ran to a satanic looking limo driven by Gregg Demon.

“I know the secret of Raymundo’s milk can Dad! It’s a three point clockwise!”

“And the locks?” Gregg asked his son.

“Stuck bait! They’re fake!”

“Oh no!” Lisa gasped.

“It’s a trap!” said Admiral Ackbar.

“Shaddup...” Lisa sighed.

Gregg Demon and his son went home.

Lisa disappointed in herself for falling for such a ruse hid in the milk can. Bart put a rock on the lid to trap her inside. He went off laughing evilly.

...

Gregg demon was on stage addressing his fans about his new trick. “It’s a little old fashioned escape trick but I think I can modernise it...”

However this stage announcement was on a TV Raymundo was watching. He turned the tv off with his magic wand. Hehehehe!

Raymundo was not happy with Lisa...

“I’m so sorry Raymundo! I got played like a fool by a boy! But surely it’s not my fault to be charmed by a boy for once? When I’ve never had any long term friends...” said Lisa.

“Get out.” Raymundo said coldly.

“Haven’t you ever been tricked by a pretty face?” Lisa asked.

“Yes once. I thought I could trust you...” said Raymundo.

“Oh....! Hehehe! You think I’m pretty?” Lisa giggled.

“Get ooooooouuut!” Raymundo yelled.

Lisa left in a hurry.

She was chased home by the evil wolves from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. Yes I know predators being predators in nature isn’t evil.... but why can’t they be funny cartoon wolves...?

At Home in her room, Lisa miserable collected up her magic stuff Raymundo gave her and threw it in her waste paper basket. However she heard the magic stuff fall a long way down when it all went in her waste paper basket. “Uh?” She wondered why it sounded deeper than a small waste paper basket should be.

Then she turned round to find all her magic props back on her shelves. “D’oh!”

Her a dad came in comforted her. “Now sweetie. You’re not the first person ever to break people’s trust... Judas betrayed Jesus, but he still got paid...”

Lisa cried.

“Ooooooooh! I can’t stand to see one of my female children cry!” said Homer.

Bart, Hugo and Eric heard him. They bursted into tears.

“Oooooooh! Narrator...” Homer sighed.

“Be nice to all your kids!” said Oscar’s voice from somewhere.

“Time to teach that old magic bunny pulling out of a hat dude a lesson about making my daughter cry!” said Homer.

...

Homer was caught in a net. “Let me down! This is gonna leave a diamond pattern on my skin!

“How would you like it if your worst enemy stole your secrets?!” said Raymundo.

Homer imagined Ned eating a peanut butter and pretzel sandwich.

“Mmmmmmm! No way a stupid Flanders like me could come up with a great idea like this!” said Ned in Homer’s imagination.

“Okay. Secrets are important! But my daughter made a mistake and she’s sorry! Now act your age and forgive her so she can continue her strange friendship with you Mister I haven’t had invited by my daughter over for dinner to meet! and I have no idea why I am not wary of this weird friendship especially considering what goes on in this world today...” Homer replied.

In a dream cloud Lisa appeared.

“Dad I told you numerous times who Raymundo is... he is nice and harmless...” said Lisa.

“Sure he is sweetie... sure he is...” said Homer.

Raymundo considered. But Homer fell asleep so Raymundo took off his shoes for him and went inside.

...

In her room Lisa was gloomy as she had a dove in a bird cage. She put a cloth over the cage and pulled off the cloth. The dove became a white bunny, Maggie, a rabbit skeleton and her Dad’s disembodied head.

“Okay this is weird...” said Homer. And then back to a dove again.

“Cheer up sweet cheeks. No one likes a gloomy magician. Except Gloomio the Great. Boy was he miserable! But fantastic!” said Raymundo holding flowers. I’m sure you just made that guy up Raymundo...

“Raymundo! You’ve forgiven me?!” Lisa asked hopeful.

“Not so fast!” said Raymundo burning the flowers with magic heatless fire. “But there is Hope!” He turned the fire into a dove. It flew about.

Raymundo said he understood Lisa’s mistake. “We all make mistakes. I was once a disco magician! You ever try putting a leisure suit on a dove?!”

“Now there is one way you can redeem yourself! Tonight we must stop Gregg Demon!”

...

There was a magician show. The creepy Chinese House of Evil shop keeper was attending.

Wiggum was making sure everyone was orderly. “Magicians on the left. Illusionists on the right... psychics... ah you know what I’m about to say... hehehehe!” said Wiggum.

“Chief help!” Lou cried for help. Wiggum found he went into box and got divided into four parts. His head, torso, lower torso and upper legs, and finally his lower legs and feet.

“I’ll take the box that doesn’t speak...” said Wiggum.

“Oh great... just what you need Chief... another stomach...” Lou sighed.

...

Inside it was too late for Lisa and Raymundo. Gregg Demon was about to start performing the milk can trick.

“Oh no! We’re too late!” said Lisa.

Gregg was showing off on stage dressed as a punk milkman on a motorcycle as My Milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard plays.

“I did this for you Houdini! I’m banging your great great grand niece!” said Gregg Demon.

“Coooool! He made a Russel Brand joke!” said Oscar.

“Zounds! That is an insult to my good friend Harry Houdini whom I founded this trick with! Alas.... he was a great man...” Raymundo sighed.

Suddenly the Ghost of Harry Houdini, his Real Ghostbusters ghost that is appeared angry with Gregg.

“Aaaaaagh! A ghost! said Gregg.

“Aaaaaaaagh! Really scary Ghost Harry Houdini! Aaaaaagh! Stop making those scary bug eyed faces! Aaaaaagh!” Oscar screamed.

Ghost Harry Houdini was making scary faces. Which actually were scary.

Gregg frightened his in the milk can and his son put the lid on to begin the trick.

Harry Houdini’s ghost continued to make a fuss. So the Ghostbusters arrived.

“Not this Guy again...” Peter Venkman sighed.

However something was wrong with the milk can trick... Gregg was trapped inside.

“Oh no! Somethings wrong he’s trapped in there!” said Lisa.

“No Dad! Don’t die!” Gregg’s son, now sporting an identical rocker look instead of his nerd disguise, cried.

“Raymundo we have to help him!” Lisa explained.

“Certainly not! A magician can not be interrupted from his tricks!” said Raymundo.

“You’re just gonna stand there and let him die?!” Lisa gasped.

“Heavens no! At my age with my back?!” Raymundo used a sheet to conjure up a chair to sit in.

Lisa looked at him.

“Oh I can sit here with you looking at me with those eyes...” Raymundo sighed. He conjured up a dressing frame to obscure Lisa from his sight.

She grumbled annoyed.

...

Gregg was taking a rather long time to die...

This gave Lisa time to speak with Raymundo.

“Lisa, magicians don’t like to be saved. Now if you excuse me I have to go to the little magician’s room!” said Raymundo. He went into a room backstage full of tiny midget magicians! XD!

Lisa winced.

She then decided she must save Gregg herself. “I guess I have no choice but to save Gregg Demon myself!” said Lisa.

“Not so fast! I can’t not allow you to do that!” said Ricky Jay.

“Ricky Jay?”

David Copperfield appeared via doing ninja backflips.

“David Copperfield?” Lisa asked.

Penn and Teller appeared.

“Penn? And Ooooooh... Teller...” Lisa fancies Teller... Eeeeeew!

The Masked Magician appeared, like a stealthy ninja!

“The Masked Magician!” said Oscar.

Dun dun dun!

Plot 4[]

“Why are you guys stopping me?” Lisa asked.

“Because-“ said Penn.

“Silence! You talk on stage, I talk off! That was the point of the witch’s curse!” said Teller.

Lisa grimaced at this randomness.

“Because we’re the ones that sabotaged the milk can trick! We switched the cans for a real one!” said Teller.

“Why?” Lisa asked.

“Because that bastard stole all our greatest tricks!” said Ricky Jay.

“And my sexy poses! Like this!” David Copperfield doing a sexy pose.

“Oooooooh!” Lisa swooned.

“But seriously! Just because his tattoos are mix of hieroglyphs and cuneiforms doesn’t mean he deserves to die!” said Lisa.

“We ain’t asking kid...” said the strangely evil celebrity magicians.

“Get her!” Ricky Jay threw razor sharp playing cards at Lisa.

“Eep!” Lisa yelped. They missed and pierced a gas pipe and it sprayed gas at Ricky.

Pen brandished magic wands menacingly.

“Lis! How do you keep making enemies lately?!” Oscar yelled fleeing the evil magicians.

“I don’t know!” Lisa cried. She threw props like bowling balls and chainsaws at Penn.

Penn juggled them.

“Penn just drop them!” Teller yelled.

“I can’t! I never learned how!” Penn yelled.

David Copperfield summoned a lion!

“I’ll save you Lisa!” Homer yelled. The lion smacked him across the stage with one swipe of its paw.

The evil magicians tied Homer up and put him in a cage and ball gagged him.

“The real magic is raising three kids in this economy!” said Homer. “You can put the ball gag back in my mouth now.”

“Five kids Homer...” said Oscar enforcing my canon.

The evil magicians enclosed on Lisa. But in a puff of smoke Raymundo appeared. “Hands off my apprentice!”

“Raymundo?” Lisa gasped.

“Raymundo!? I killed you in Marrakesh!” said Ricky Jay.

“Not exactly. That was my twin brother. Always stealing my tricks!” said Raymundo.

“Oh well. Let’s finish the job!” said Ricky Jay.

“But first I’ll unbutton my shirt and turn on some fans. I’m sexy now!” said David Copperfield floating in mid air.

Penn brandished wands. Ricky summoned handfuls of razor sharp playing cards and Teller cackled evilly while charging up a kamehameha.

“Oh hell! If it’s a fight to death you want it’s on!” said Oscar as lightning struck and he summoned from lightning a magic staff.

“Um... I am taking a rather long time to die...” said Gregg Demon in the milk can.

There was a bad ass magicians fight to the death!

Raymundo sighed. “I am too old to fight all of you... I will stop you with this!” said Raymundo. A tiny knife.

The evil magicians laughed. Raymundo cut a rope and a girder fell on the evil magicians killing them!

“My body! My sexy body! Crushed...” said David Copperfield as he died.

Penny’s ponytail burnt off. “My ponytail! It’s gone! Teller the witch’s curse! It’s broken!”

“Uh there was no witch’s curse... I made it up!” said Teller.

“You’re a real jerk...” said Penn. They died.

“Uh... did you just kill four guys...?” Bart asked.

However Raymundo and Lisa were rescuing Gregg Demon. For plot reasons they had rescued him in time and revived him. He decided to give up magic and go to Canada to be a politician.

...

In conclusion a guy stole Homer’s jacket.

“D’oh!” Homer chased after him.

Raymundo got away with four counts of murder. I don’t think any sensible law enforcement would care that they were had people and deserved it Arnold...

“Yes but they were all bad...” said Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Then Raymundo performed on stage somewhere by taking off his own head and playing basketball with it. It exploded into confetti and he was actually Lisa in a costume on stilts. The real Raymundo arrived onstage with her.

“So that’s why Lisa had to excuse herself earlier.

“May I remind you both that four guys died tonight...” Bart sighed.

“I’ll be back in my dressing room. Knock em dead kid!” said Raymundo going off with a gas canister. Lisa flew around on stage.

“Eh... I’ll be playing on my Gameboy... tell mr when the shows over...” said Bart.

Lisa threw a sheet on him and changed him into Milhouse!

“Oh yeah! Big it up for Milhouse!” said Milhouse.

“Lisa bring your brother back now...” Homer said sharply.

...

Back stage Raymundo inhaled gas and imagined his dead wife.

“Ooooh Harvey...” said his dead wife.

“I should stop inhaling this now... oh well.” He inhaled more gas. And danced with his long dead wife one last time.

The end!

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