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The Fat and the Furriest Homer and the kids buy Marge a carnival food maker for Mother's Day but Homer gets greedy and makes a giant ball of cotton candy and maple syrup and stuff to eat. However it attracts bugs and the Flanders get stuck to it so he must throw it out. However he imagines the ball is sentient and wants Homer to get rid of Marge. Throwing off such silly notions Homer is then attacked by a bear at the dump and becomes frightened of bears.

Plot[]

It's Mother's Day. The Simpson kids are preparing for it.

"I hope mom likes my bouquet of Bellis Perennis." said Lisa.

Bart and Hugo stared at her blankly.

"Daisies...." Lisa sighed.

Bart and Hugo continued to stare blankly.

"Flowers..."

Bart and Hugo continued to stare blankly.

"These!" Lisa showed them the flowers.

"Lis, those stupid flowers won't last a week. Where as mine will last forever!" said Bart holding a mug hand made from art class that read Mome.

”Mome? What does that mean?” Lisa asked.

”That’s Mom’s name! Mommy!” said Bart.

Lisa laughed at his pathetic misspelling of Mommy as Mome.

"Bart! We made the same thing!" Homer whined holding an identical mug.

"Dad! It's Mother's Day. You don't have to make mom a gift." said Bart.

"Ha! Silly boy! This isn't for your mom. It's for mine!" said Homer. "Oh I hope she likes it!"

"Uh guys..." said Lisa. Maggie crawled out to the upper landing holding a cup like Homer's and Bart.

"Okay these gifts obviously suck. Everyone get dressed. We're heading to Sprawl Mall." said Homer. "Just be thankful this holiday is only every four years."

"Dad it's every year! You're thinking of Leap Day! February the 29th!" Lisa replied.

"Lisa, Daddy doesn't like it when the calendar is laughing at him." said Homer

...

The Simpsons (minus Marge) got dressed and went shopping for Mother's Day gifts.

"Oh! We could get her guitar!" said Homer stopping outside a music store. Then he stopped at a pawn store. "Her fine china back?" Then he stopped at Cosingtons because he saw a diamond necklace in the window. "I know! We could buy her a new window! Just like this one."

"Dad, here's the Sprawl mart." said Bart. The camera pans towards a mall.

"I love Sprawl Mart! They have everything here! Including Christian TV programmes about talking vegetables..." said Homer stopping at a TV shop because Veggietales was on. Hehehe Veggietales...

"Yameses! My people grow weary of building your food pyramid! Let my pickles go!" said Moses as a pickle.

"Mmmmmmm! Moses..." Homer groaned while drooling.

Bart and Lisa sighed and rolled their eyes at his obsession with Veggietales.

They somehow got him away from the TVs and into the store.

Someone greeted them. That someone was was Grampa!

"Welcome!" said Grampa.

"Grampa?" Lisa asked. "You have a job?"

"How dare you challenge my perceptions of what old people can do old man!" Homer growled.

"Of course I do sweetie! Remember when I worked at the Gulp and Blow?" said Grampa.

"Yes Grampa..." said Lisa. They had a brief flashback of Grampa working at a fast food restaurant and frustrating a customer because he didn't know what French fries were and thought a radio was a Wally talky and was trying to contact his comrades in the Flying Hell Fish.

After the flashback ended.

"Anyhoo! I'm a greeter! I also fit up shoplifters!" said Grampa taking out an orange straight jacket.

"Oh like I can't shoplift with my mouth..." said Nelson wearing a straight jacket. He inhaled things into his mouth to steal. "Haw haw!" He laughed with a mouthful of things like keychains.

Then Kirby inhaled him and swallowed him. "Haw haw!" Nelson hat Kirby mimicked Nelson.

"Oscar that was just stupid!" said Bart.

...

They explored the store. There was a cardboard cutout of a lady advertising ax heads.

"Look! Jaclyn Smith has her own line of ax heads!" said Bart. "Awwww the sign is spelt in Limey..."

"Bart!" Oscar yelled.

"Yeah, but we still haven't found the perfect gift for Marge... Only imperfect gifts for me..." Homer sighed. He had a trolley containing two atlas globes, a Mai Tai mixer and an electric fan from the stall they passed. "Come on kids let's get moving."

They left the ax heads stall but Oscar sprinted back to it and grabbed the cardboard cutout of Jaclyn Smith. "Um... I need this for something." said Oscar.

They were shopping when a throaty hag like voice said, "hey look who it is! Hairy ass Tubman!"

Lisa growled. "Why you! How dare you insult Harriet Tubman!"

The insult came from Patty and Selma.

"Why if it isn't Fatty and Smell-ma!" said Homer.

"Your names can't hurt us!" said Selma.

Homer grabbed a miniature microwave from his trolley and threw it at them but missed.

"Aunt Patty and Selma. Can you help us find a Mother's Day gift for mom?" Bart asked.

"Why sure! How about you get her the carnival kitchen." said Patty. There was a stall with boxes labled Carnival kitchen.

"We won one when we appeared on the Generation Game! Unfortunately the network won't air the episode because apparently we're not TV pretty..." said Selma.

Bart took one. "Wow! A home appliance that makes carnival food!"

"And it's endorsed by the American Carnie Association said Lisa. The logo on the box had Cooter and Spud on it.

"Carnie association?!" Bart and Lisa yelled. Someone snatched the box from them.

"Why if it isn't the Simpsons..." said Cooter. Spud was glaring at Bart.

"Hey! We were buying that!" said Bart.

"Well now you're not." said Spud.

"Whatever evil Jedi Quiffy, we'll just take this one." said Oscar taking one.

"Stop calling me that!" Spud yelled. "This is not a Jedi padawan braid! My dad let me have it because he's a cool dad! And I don't look anything like your stupid cartoon character!"

“He’s not stupid! He’s cute!” Oscar whined.

”Oz don’t be gay for Quiffy...” Bart sighed.

"Whatever! We're leaving before you annoy us anymore." said Bart.

”Sure thing... thief...” said Spud.

...

They got home for Mother's Day and Marge and Mona opened their presents.

"This is for you Mom..." said Homer giving Mona a present.

"Oh Homer..." said Mona. The present was a Sir Loves a lot teddy bear. "Oh it's adorable!"

"Wow this is a big gift!" said Marge. She opened her gift. "The kitchen carnival! Why thank you kids! I love it!"

Some time later Marge had set up the kitchen carnival and switched it on. It made circuits music.

Bart made himself a serving of cotton candy on a stick.

Lisa dipped a carrot in batter and deep fried it. Hehehehe!

Then Grampa dipped his teeth in the caramel and put them back in his mouth.

"Abe! That's disgusting!" Marge told him off.

Maggie was eating a caramel apple and some cotton candy. But she got too full and fat.

...

Homer had the kitchen carnival to himself. He put his head in the cotton candy maker and got a wig of cotton candy which he ate.

"Homer..." Marge told him off for misusing the machine.

Oscar was staring at Tombi’s pink hair.

”No!” Tombi said sharply as he was thinking his hair was cotton candy.

It was then late one night...

Homer turned on the kitchen lights and helped himself to some cotton candy. "Hmmmm... do I pour caramel on the cotton candy..." he did so and laughed manically. He laughed madly as lightning struck for dramatic effect and scary music played with his insane laughter ringing out everywhere.

Then Genie appeared. "Well there I go again! Had to go and alienate people!"

...

The next Morning Bart and Lisa rushed downstairs.

"I'm gonna pour caramel all over my clothes! Then I can finally eat my shorts!" said Bart.

Then they screamed as they saw Homer holding a giant ball of cotton candy and caramel deep fried.

"What is that?!" Lisa asked.

"This is eight hundred pounds of pure tooth rotting sugar!" said Homer. "Dig in!"

Bart and Lisa started eating the ball.

"That's it kids. Suckle daddy's sugar ball..." said Homer.

"Okay Simpson that's disgusting and wrong!" said Wiggum.

Then there was a montage of Homer driving about with the cotton candy ball thing and eating it. He even used it to get into the carpool lane by putting a hat and sunglasses on it.

"Chief that man shouldn't be in the car pool lane! His passenger is a giant piece of candy!" said Lou.

"I wish my passenger was a giant piece of candy." said Wiggum glaring at him.

"What?!" Lou asked.

"Nothing." said Wiggum.

Homer then went to bed with the giant candy ball.

"Homer are you spooning that candy ball?" said Marge.

"Pfffff! That's my old lady..." Homer said to the candy ball before eating some of it.

The next day Homer was sleeping in his hammock. A non magical one. When ants started crawling on his sugar ball thing.

"Ah! Ants!" He shook the ball. Birds got stuck to it. "Ah! Birds!" Cats meowed and got stuck to it. "Ah! Cats! Rod and Todd got stuck to it. "Ah! Flanderses!"

...

In the kitchen Marge pulled Rod and Todd free. Rod yelped as some of his hair was pulled out.

Todd was stood in his underwear shivering.

"I was saving sugar for my wedding night!" Rod cried.

"Uh Rod, you can't have sugar. It causes you and your brother to always fight." said Bart.

"What are we going to do now the Flanderses are here?" Lisa asked.

"Watch Veggietales!" Oscar yelled with joy.

"No. We are not doing that!" Bart stopped him.

"Homer that sugar ball is filthy now! I really think you should throw it out! I think all that sugar is rotting your brain..." Said Marge.

In Homer's imagination the sugar ball came to life. "Maybe you should get rid of her! Then we can be together forever!!" said the candy ball thing.

Homer screamed and took the candy ball.

...

Homer took the candy ball to the Springfield dump.

"Goodbye old friend. I'll think of you when I'm having a heart attack. He threw the candy ball away. But a bear's paw smacked him. The bear roared at him.

"Agh! A bear! I'm gonna be killed by a bear! Oh well might as well take up smoking." said Homer lightning a pipe. The bear smacked it away. It growled at him and he screamed.

Suddenly.

"Candy power!!" Yelled the candy ball as it punched the bear.

(Oh great! Oscar's screwing up the story... said Lisa)

Homer watched this surreal scene until the bear fled.

"Candy ball? You saved me! But why?!" said Homer.

"Because I know you want me more than Marge! Now take me home honey!" said the candy ball.

"No! You're just a sugar induced hallucination! I'm going home!"

Plot 2[]

Homer arrived Home to watch the news with his family.

"And now for Kent's funniest home videos, not always filmed at home." said Kent.

The video was Homer being attacked by the bear and hiding from it in discarded toilets and crying so much his nose ran. Yeeeuck!

"Uuuugh! Dad you're nose was running!" Bart groaned in disgust.

”Eeeeeeeew...” Oscar groaned.

Then something surreal happened. The candy ball started fighting with the bear.

"Oh my!" Marge gasped.

The video then ended.

"And here we have the man who recorded the video! Hank the hunter!" said Kent. "Which he shot with a camera, not a gun."

"Yes Kent. As a hunter I often get guns and cameras confused. Once tragically at a wedding." Hehehehe!

"Well I'm glad you're okay Dad." said Lisa.

"Yeah, I'd rather have a live sissy mincing around the house than a dead hero any day!" said Bart.

"Rrrrrrrr! Choke on your candor!" Homer screamed strangling Bart.

"You can strangle Bart but you can't strangle your humiliation!" said Lisa.

"It's a deal!" said Homer, still strangling Bart.

...

Bart was harassed by Jimbo and his gang about his dad being scared of bears.

"The only thing my dad is afraid of is paying child support!" said Kerney.

"Kerney, you were at Springfield Elementary when Otto was still at school..." said Bart.

"It's not my fault teacher can't teach me!" said Kerney.

"My Dad once beat up six KFC employees! And he hadn't slept for three days!" said Dolph.

"Was that your gay dad, or your gay dad?" said Oscar. Dolph punched him off the climbing frame.

"Oscar, stop provoking him..." said Bart.

"It was worth it..." Oscar groaned.

Meanwhile at the power plant.

"Homer Simpson report to Mr Burns's office immediately." said Smithers over the speakers.

Homer did so.

However as he walked down a corridor he screamed because a stuffed polar bear appeared.

Everyone including Smithers and Mr Burns laughed at him.

"Oh! What a delightful practical joke!" said Mr Burns laughing.

...

Homer went home that afternoon to find the house empty. "Marge? Kids? Dad?" He asked but no one was in. He went into the rumpus room/kids' play room.

"Anyone?" Homer asked.

He saw one of Maggie's teddy bears. He screamed and upset a shelf of books that spilt all over the floor. Homer picked them up and read the bear related titles.

"Aghhhh! The bear went over the mountain?! The Berenstain bears?!" Homer read the titles of the books.

"Aaaaaaagh! Alternate universes!" Oscar screamed seeing the misspelt book.

"Why are you at home?" Homer asked.

"Duh! I'm truanting!" said Oscar.

"Eh, not my kid." said Homer before screaming at more books. "Ahhhh... Goldilocks.... And the three bears?!" Homer screamed and ran away into the kitchen. He knocked over Marge's groceries.

"Oh no! They're in our food!" Homer gasped. He backed into a corner. "Gummy bears, Graham crackers, bear cereal! Oh no!"

Then he started imagining the room go very, very dark and bears of various kinds such as gummy bears, bear crackers and footballer bears March up to him. Then a pink care bear.

"Are you a care bear?" Homer stuttered with fear.

"I'm an intensive care bear." said the evil care bear.

"Why does a bear need a crow bar?" Homer asked. Frightened by the bear.

"I dunno. I don't like to get my hands dirty!" said the intensive care bear.

Then the bears including gummy bears, bear crackers, footballer bears, an intensive care bear and a curious bear cub from Happy Little Elves mauled him while he screamed in terror.

However it was just his imagination as his dad found him crying in the corner.

"Weeping in the corner, eh? Can I join you?" Abe asked. He started crying to before stopping and scolding Homer. "Alright Fradey Sue! You're gonna find that bear who whupped ya and whup him back twice as hard!" said Abe.

"Can I do it slowly by poisoning his environment until he loses all his fur and goes sterile?" Homer asked.

"D'oh! You're gonna fight that bear man to beast or I'll never speak to you again!" said Abe.

"But how will I know what you ate in 1928?" Homer asked.

"It's on my webpage!" said Abe.

There was a computer in the house. "Welcome to Abraham Simpson's webpage! Why don't you visit more often!?" said virtual Abe.

"Abraham Simpson!" yelled Mona. "Are you sending our son out to his death just to prove his bravery?!"

"(Annoyed gibberish) Woman! He's being a sissy about bears!" Abe yelled.

"I don't mind my son being a sissy! I'd rather he was alive than mauled to death like a fool!" Mona scolded Abe.

"But Mom I don't want to be a-" Homer protested.

"Homer, listen to me." said Mona. "There's nothing wrong with being afraid. Why I don't like rats! And I'm sure your family has things they're scared of!"

"I suppose so..." said Homer.

"Grrrrr! Nuts to the both of you! I'm going home!" said Abe.

...

Marge and the kids eventually came home from the shops and school respectively.

"Oh there you are Marge. Homer's had a bit of a bear scare." said Mona.

"Oh dear..." Marge sighed.

They found Homer in the lounge shivering and cowering.

Marge comforted him. "There, there, we're all afraid of something dear. I don't like flying!" said Marge.

"You don't?! But we've flown loads of times!" said Homer.

"Well, Bartholomew Jojo Simpson isn't afraid of anything." Bart bragged.

"Boogeyman!" Lisa chimmed to Bart.

Bart screamed. "Agh! Where?! Where?"

"Look everyone calm down! Homer there's nothing to be afraid of! The bear can't get you here. Bears don't like suburbs." said Marge.

However, she was wrong. Very wrong!

...

One day at Evergreen Terrace a bear crawled about the empty road looking and sniffing about.

Ned was driving his GEO when he saw the bear's stupid face. Ned screamed like a girl.

Ned that's not scary. That's just gay.

Ned pulled up and desperately let himself in.

"Boys I don't have time for the secret Flanders knock! Let me in!" Ned yelled. His sons let him in. He locked the door shut and took his boys to the panic room.

Meanwhile the Simpsons were watching the news. There was live footage of the bear nuzzling a letter box.

"Ha! That poor sap!" Homer laughed.

"Daaaad! Um look outside!" said Bart.

Outside the bear was damaging their letter box.

"Aaaaaaagh!" Homer screamed and ran upstairs to hide.

Marge had some difficulty coaxing him out.

"Homer someone needs to go to the shops." said Marge.

"Yeah Dad, we only have three open boxes of baking soda in the fridge." Bart explained. There were three open boxes of baking soda in the fridge.

"Hey Homer, I bet you fifty dollars for each one you successfully eat!" said Oscar.

"We'll just see about- No. I'm not falling for that again! Nuh uh." said Homer before realising he previously fell for that trick.

"Oscar, Dad's not that dumb..." said Bart.

...

Luckily animal control arrived. However they accidentally tranquilized Barney.

"Ow!" Barney yowled, before pulling out the dart, breaking it open and drinking its contents before fainting.

Eventually the bear was tranquilized.

"Cuff that one for being a bear and that guy for impersonating a bear." said Wiggum.

Animal control took the bear while Barney was put in a truck with Moe's face on it. Presumably taken to Moe's tavern.

Homer was annoyed by the bear terrorising the neighborhood. "I just think there should be something to prevent bears coming here."

"But that's silly Dad! Like this rock that scares off tigers." said Lisa.

"Wow! How does that work?" said Homer.

"I doesn't! It's just a stupid rock." Lisa protested.

"I don't see any tigers here. Do you?" Homer questioned.

Lisa sighed. "Whatever..." she went indoors. “Or I could say that you can repel bears with an anti sea bear circle...”

”Ha! Well we’ll just see about that missy when a bear or a sea bear attacks you...” said Spongebob.

Bart face palmed.

Homer then had a crowd outside his house.

They were discussing the recent bear invasion.

"Oh won't somebody please think of the children?!" Helen Lovejoy cried.

Everyone sighed. "Here we go again..." they said collectively.

They did all agree though to hassle the mayor about this though.

”We’re here! We’re clear! We don’t want any more bears!” They chanted repeatedly.

However this incurred the wrath of Oscar and his army of cartoon bears. Including Teddy, the Care Bears, the Gummi Bears and the Curious bear cub.

”Seditious thugs! Bears attack!” Oscar yelled unleashing his bears upon the angry townsfolk. They were beaten soundly and theses still alive retreated back home.

Bart face palmed.

...

Homer went inside where he had bear related panic attacks again. Lisa and Maggie were watching Happy Little Elves and the curious bear cub. The bear cub was on screen.

Homer screamed and ran off.

In the play room at the back of the house Baby Oscar was lying down wearing just a diaper while his living teddy bear Teddy sniffed his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose. Oscar was giggling.

Homer screamed and ran away.

Oscar was confused by his response but went back to playing with his teddy bear.

Homer was in the kitchen hyperventilating into a brown paper bag.

Marge comforted him and realized he needed to see a psychiatrist immediately.

However Homer didn't want to. His excuse was they drive apart families and they'd end up divorced and Lisa picking beans with Grandma Bouvier.

"But I like picking beans with Grandma." said Lisa.

"Good. Then pick plenty of beans..." Said Homer.

"I will..." Lisa sighed.

"Good..." said Homer.

Lisa grumbled.

Plot 3[]

Meanwhile Bart needed to use the family bathroom to go to toilet but someone was showering in there. The bath screen was closed over and steamed up obscuring whoever was in there.

Suddenly the cardboard cutout of Jocelyn Smith slammed against the shower screen followed by two hands pressed against the screen.

Bart screamed.

Later he found Oscar in his underwear on his bed with the cardboard cutout speaking romantically to it.

"Right, that's it Oscar! This has gone too far! Get rid of that thing!" Bart yelled. "And put your clothes on!"

"Come on babe, we know when we're not wanted..." said Oscar getting dressed and taking the cardboard cutout.

He then had dinner with it. Then Homer tried to explain it was the kids' new mother.

"Dad that didn't work when you tried to claim a plant with a paper plate for a face was our new Mom, why would that work?" said Bart.

"Do not insult your mother! Kiss her! Kiss her...!" Homer was getting obsessed again.

"No!" Bart yelled.

...

Oscar was drinking a glass of orange juice in the kitchen when he asked Lisa something.

"Hey Lis, have you seen my cardboard cutout of Jaclyn Smith?"

"Yeah, Hugo took it with him into Bart's room." answered Lisa.

"That whore! She's betrayed me worse than Lady Macbeth betrayed King Duncan!" said Oscar angrily.

Suddenly we cut to a space ship. On board Lady Macbeth wearing a fish bowl breathing helmet is fighting with a bear that is also wearing a fish bowl breathing helmet while dramatic music plays.

We cut back to the Simpsons with Lisa looking unamused.

.....

"I, err, I don't know Shakespeare very well..." said Oscar.

He ran upstairs to find Hugo quickly depositing the cardboard cutout outside into the hallway.

"You! Don't you think I don't know where you've been! Don't give me that look!" Oscar yelled at the cardboard cutout of Jocelyn Smith. "Did you have sex with Hugo?! Did you?!" He shook the cardboard cutout violently until its head came off. "Oh my god! Look what you've made me do! This wasn't supposed to end like this!"

Oscar is then seen digging a hole in the backyard and burying the cardboard cutout while crying.

Bart rolled his eyes and shook his head as he went inside.

...

Oscar having enough of Homer’s mob trying to chase bears out of town.

”No! No! No bears on the set!” the camera man from Call of the Simpsons shooed away a fully grown grizzly.

”Shut the hell up and leave those bears alone! Sic em! Sic em boy!” Oscar set the bear on the camera man and it roared and mauled the news camera man to death.

”Oz stop unleashing bears on people just because you like them!” Bart ranted.

Meanwhile canon Homer argued like a spoilt kid with his own wife over going to fight the bear that scared him in a home made suit of armour. Bart laughed when he saw he hadn’t built any back plating so his butt was showing.

”Shut up!” Homer snapped embarrassed.

”Dad everyone can see your butt...” Lisa sighed.

”Now don’t you start sweetie.” said Homer

Anyway he tried to pull Peter Griffin stupidity but could not win the argument.

”Homer you’re doing it all wrong...” said Peter. “Lois I am going to fight a bear in a home made suit of armour made out of things from the house!”

”No Peter! That’s stupid!” said Lois.

Peter beat her soundly in horrific domestic violence. “What was that, bitch?!” He threatened her.

”N n n n nothing honey...” said Lois stammering.

Homer went anyway because his bear armour was missing one day.

”Oh no! Lisa what the?!” Marge asked because Lisa was dressed up as a banjo playing octopus.

”Hey if you’d folks dun like my banjo playing, I’ll spray you with ink! Hehehehe!” Lisa laughed being silly.

Oscar and Homer met the bear. Honer was terrified of the bear. However Oscar found some prick put a tracking device on the bear’s ear that shocked it ever so often and was making it angry.

”Thr monsters!” Oscar snapped taking off the tracking device and throwing it into a lake. It zapped and killed all the fish and a diver. “Oops!” He gulped.

The bear was now friends with Homer so they went back to his cave for bear necessities...

”No narrator!” Bart whined.

”I mean the bear necessities! The simple bear necessities! Forget about your worries and your strife!” Baloo sung over a montage of Homer, Oscar and the bear living together.

Homer was eating ice cream with his hands as the bear tried to catch a fish. The bear smacked him and gave him a spoon to eat with. Homer reluctantly ate with a spoon.

The bear shat in the woods. Homer and Oscar went to do so as well but the bear pointed to a wooden outhouse and told them to use that instead. They groaned.

Homer rubbed himself down a palm tree and ripped his back open. It was bloody and torn. “This isn’t how it worked in Disney’s Jungle Book...” he groaned.

”I prefer the company of cartoon bears with big wet shiny black noses.” said Oscar just wearing a nappy as a cartoon bear with a big wet shiny black nose was sniffing the front of his nappy.

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