The Daughter Also Rises
Lisa gets a new boyfriend called Nick (voiced by Michael Cera), Bart and Milhouse watch too much TV again when watching Itchy and Scratchy and Myth Crackers (Myth Busters) which despite Marge’s attempts to stop them watching TV for the day they find a way to with devastating consequences as it damages Oscar’s eye sight. Giving him square eyes.
Meanwhile it is Valentine’s Day but this yeah Homer and Marge agree to spend it as father son, Mother Daughter bonding day. Homer bonding with Bart, Marge having Valentine’s Day lunch with Lisa.
But Lisa falls in love with a boy called Nick. Will this ruin Marge’s time spent bonding with Lisa?
Then Lisa’s exes all try to get her back competing with Nick and Colin wonders how he ended up an Ex boyfriend.
Plot
The chalkboard gag is I will not replace a candy heart with a frog’s heart.
A frog in the class vivarium clutches his chest and dies. He has stitches on his chest from a heart transplant, a candy heart transplant...
Bart laughs maniacally.
Oscar’s lines are “I will not dress up as Mola Ram for Valentine’s Day.”
“Kali Ma Shakti De! Kali Maaaaa! Kali Maaaaa!” He chants.
The couch gag is the five hundredth episode! Everyone lead by Moe celebrates and parties. There’s also Stampy, Apu, Conic Book Guy...
Everyone sings Auld Lang Syne.
Stampy trumpets loudly.
“Hey wait a minute!” said Lisa. She read the official episode guide. “It’s actually the 499th episode guys...”
“Aaaaaaawwwww!” Everyone groans.
“That’s it party’s over! Tell Fox we’re not doing this again...” Moe sighed.
Homer takes down all the decorations.
By my count it’s actually the five hundred and third episode...
The episode starts one Valentine’s Day morning. Bart, Milhouse and Oscar have received their valentines cards.
“Hey how comes you got more than me?” Bart asked Milhouse.
“I got one from Lisa... Hehehe! And one from my optometrist...” said Milhouse.
“Hmmmph! As if!” Lisa was in disbelief that she’d send Milhouse a Valentine’s Card.
“Milhouse that’s a bill...” said Bart.
“Nuh uh! It has a love heart stamp on it!” said Milhouse insisting his optometrist sent him a Valentine’s card.
“And that one from Lisa is written in Oscar’s hand writing...” said Bart.
“How do you know?” Oscar asked.
“Because... Lisa doesn’t dot her I’s with smiley faces...” said Bart.
“Let’s just watch TV...” Milhouse sighed.
They were watching a Valentine’s Day themed episode of Itchy and Scratch called “Roses are red, Violence is due.” Scratchy is in bed sleeping.
Itchy pulls out his heart. Opens it up and plucks out his eyes, nose and tongue and puts them in the heart chambers like a chocolate box. Then he pulls out Scratchy’s intestines and wraps up the heart and gives it to Scratchy.
“Awwwww!” said Scratchy then he mumbles and gasps horribly with no eyes, nose or tongue and dies.
Bart and Milhouse laugh hysterically. But Oscar is traumatised by the violent cartoon.
Kirk comes to the Simpsons house window.
“Milhouse. You know that cartoon gives you night terrors...” said Kirk.
“Yeah but last night Dad, you were having the night terrors...” said Milhouse to his Dad.
“Yeah I dreamt I got fired from the job I dreamt about getting the night before.” said Kirk. He left the kids to watch cartoons.
Bart groaned at Kirk being so lame. “Urrrrgh...”
“I’m gonna be having night terrors tonight...” said Oscar traumatised.
“Ugh! Oscar if you’re that much of a baby you can’t handle Itchy and Scratchy then don’t watch it! Ay carumba...” Bart sighed.
Then Myth crackers was on. A copyright skirting version of Myth busters.
They did the cola and mentos experiment, shone torches through mirrors to redirect the beams.
Toon Link was too busy admiring his reflection in the mirror shield and making faces. Medli sighed.
“Here we crack myths and bust all religions! Except the Jesus based ones. Boo yah!” said the Myth Cracker hosts as Jesus blew up a fat Buddha statue with his Kung fu martial arts and did a cool pose.
“Aaaaaaaagh!” Lisa screamed with rage. “I can’t take this mocking of my faith any more!!” She stormed off in a huff.
“What’s her problem?!” Bart asked Milhouse.
“I dunno...” said Milhouse.
The boys watch Myth Crackers.
However Marge comes in and turns off the TV. Kirk saw everything.
“Hey!!” Bart and Milhouse whined.
“You’ve had too much TV today! It’s not good for you!” said Marge. “Go outside and get some fresh air!”
“Um yeah, what Mrs Simpson said.” said Kirk at the window.
“Oh the air’s fresh alright! Fresh with WiFi...” said Bart chuckling evilly.
They watched TV on Bart’s laptop in his bedroom until Marge caught them.
“No TV on your laptop!” Marge scolded them.
So they watched TV on their IPhones.
“No TV on your IPhones!” Marge nagged.
So they went up to the attic and watched the Myth Crackers on Hugo’s TV.
“No watching Hugo’s TV!” Marge nagged.
They all whined, including Hugo as Marge switched off the TV and shooed them all downstairs deciding Hugo had also watched too much TV.
So they went to a gas station and watched the TVs on the pumps. A long line of cars angrily honked their horns at them.
“Kids move!” someone yelled.
James Hyneman and Adam Savage were on the TV as Bart, Hugo, Milhouse and Oscar watched Myth Crackers.
“Today we are testing if a cat can land on its feet after being fired out of a cannon.” said Adam.
“Coooool!” said Bart.
“Of course it would be cruel to use a live animal so instead we’re using this Build a bear Teddy bear.” said James Hyneman.
Teddy, Oscar’s living teddy bear creature gasped horrified.
“Which we stuffed with ballistic gel and are going to shoot out of this steam cannon.” said Adam Savage.
“Oh my god!” Teddy the living teddy bear screamed in anguish.
“Oz... did you have to bring your living teddy bear...” Bart sighed.
The teddy bear was shot out of a cannon. It’s probably best they didn’t uses a living creature as the force of the blast ripped away everything soft like the “skin” of the teddy bear and the stuffing leaving w miniature Terminantor endoskeleton flying on a trajectory. Cooool!
“Cooooool! Terminator teddies!” Oscar cooed being silly while Teddy covered his own eyes unable to watch.
“Oz no!” Bart whined. “No stupid ideas!”
The teddy bear Terminator landed in pieces.
“It landed in this spot in pieces Adam. What does that prove?” James Hyneman asked.
“I dunno! Boo yah!” said Adam.
“What were we trying to prove again?” James Hyneman asked.
“Don’t know, don’t care.” said Adam.
Electric guitars play.
“Blow it up.” said a vocalisation saying the show’s slogan.
“Hey Bart, why don’t we become Myth Crackers?” Milhouse asked. “I bet those guys get all the valentines cards...”
“That might be a good idea,” said Bart. “But then again, you thought it up...”
“Eh? What’s that supposed to mean?” Milhouse asked.
“Never mind.” Bart dismissed his questions. “Okay first myth we’re gonna crack. Using a cell phone at a gas station is dangerous.”
Milhouse got out his phone and texted someone. It crackled with electricity and he threw it away in time as it blew up. His eyebrows were burnt off.
The Myth Crackers logo appeared saying Myth proven. To show it was true.
“Well, at least I’m cool now.” said Milhouse.
The Myth Crackers logo said Myth cracked. To show that was a myth.
“Awwwwww!” Milhouse whined.
...
At home. Homer is dressed up smart with a heart shaped box of chocolates and some red roses for Marge. Awwwww! How romantic....
Homer smells his breath then eats a rose. I saw that!
“Mmmmmmm! Secret shame...” moaned Homer eating another rose.
Bart came in.
“Why does the guy have to do everything for the girl on Valentines Day?” said Bart. “I have to do all these things for Nikki McKenna and Mary Spuckler and make sure they never know I’m still seeing them both.” Bart had a long list of romantic deeds. Jessica Lovejoy was a psycho trying to get him in trouble. A lotta Cooties was too serious about their illegal marriage and too clingy. Jenny disliked him after finding out he was naughty. Greta didn’t like him or Milhouse. That girl with the diaper fetish was grossed out when he kept pooping his diaper to put her off of him. Gina was in Juvie so that relationship couldn’t work. Darcy tried to claim he was the father of her baby. So that left only Mary and Nikki.
“We show girls love on Valentine’s Day and they let us blow up stuff on the Fourth of July!” Homer explained. “I just pray they both never fall on the same day...” uh.... I don’t think that can happen Homer...
“Oh your god!” Lisa gasped running in. “Apu has Han Solo’ed himself in chocolate for Manjula again!”
Everyone stared at her.
“Never mind...” Lisa sighed. “I’m protesting against Myth Crackers for insulting my religion and other non Abrahamic faiths just because their staunch Christians!” she ranted.
We cut to Lovejoy’s church one Saturday morning. James Hyneman and Adam Savage were there praying with the Flanders and Lovejoys and the Simpsons, dragged there by Marge.
“And the Lord said to Moses...” Tim Lovejoy was doing a boring sermon when he was interrupted by Adam and James from Myth Crackers noisily snogging crucifixes with little figures of Jesus on them and then borrowing the paintings of Jesus and snogging them.
“Oh our heavenly lord! Ooooooh!”
“Guys it’s wonderful you are showing your love for our Lord Jesus but please!!” Reverend Lovejoy sighed.
“Um Reverend James and Adam’s behaviour might fall into idol worship...” Ned exclaimed.
Suddenly at Home after this detour...
“Bartholomew Joseph Simpson!” Marge yelled.
“Uh oh! Full name!” Bart gulped.
“You’re in for it now boy...” Homer chuckled.
Marge came in dressed up nicely with Oscar. His eyes were square shaped and bloodshot.
“What did I say about you watching too much TV today?!”
“It’s not good for me and to find an alternative activity outside...” said Bart bored with her scolding.
“And what did you do after I caught yo watching TV on your laptop, iPhone and then Hugo’s TV?!” Marge asked.
“We went to a gas station and watched the TVs there, causing a pile up...” said Bart.
“Well because of your sneaking for a peaking at extra TV time, Oscar’s got square eyes again!” Marge scolded him.
Bart sighed and went to squeeze Oscar’s eyes back to circles again.
“Oh no, that’s not gonna work Bart! Oscar’s eye sight is damaged from staring at screens all day! He’ll have to see an optometrist!” said Marge.
“Ooooooh! Some fine Valentines Day this is...” Homer whined.
Marge saw Homer holding chocolates and flowers for her. She smiled romantically to him.
“Homer, I would like you to read this valentines card.” she said giving a card and a romantic look.
Homer wagged his eye brows and read the card.
He heard the message in Marge’s voice as it was her words after all. “Dear my darling husband. This Valentine’s Day. I have a present for you!”
Homer gasped eager for what it was.
“Thanks for reading it to me.” said Marge.
“My pleasure.” said Homer.
He read the rest of the message imagining Marge reading to him. “I want you to have a fun night tonight doing guys stuff. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine!”
Homer gasped.
“Oh Marge! This is brilliant!” Homer kissed his wife.
“I just think we should do things every day to show how much we love each other.” said Marge.
Homer yelled a sort of loud moan and whine to show he was annoyed by such prospect one day a year of romantic gestures was hard enough!
“Hmmmm?” Marge wondered why he found that idea annoying. “It’s okay Homie. Go, have a good time. Take Bart with you.”
Homer as in canon took Bart to the baseball launching guns for fast ball and bat swinging practice because Bart is a little league baseball player and Homer once played Softball.
Plot 2
Marge spent the start of her Valentine’s Day after telling Homer what they were doing this year, taking Oscar to the optometrist.
The eye doctor asked him to read the letters on the letter chart.
“I 8 P P.” Oscar read the numbers.
Hugo laughed because he had wrote I 8 P P on the chart.
Oscar frowned. “Very funny Hugh-gy...”
Hugo snickered thinking how civilised this day out went. Now Dad and Bart in this situation.
Homer when he went to the optometrist was tricked by Bart writing on the letter chart, I 8 P P.
Bart laughed at the light hearted prank. However Homer lost his temper and strangled poor Bart.
“Better or worse?” The optometrist tested the lenses on Homer’s eyes.
“Worse!” said Homer strangling Bart as he looked blurry.
“Better or worse?”
“Much better!” Homer could see Bart clearly as he gasped for air.
“Hey I have a short temper okay?!” said Homer playing at the baseball launchers with Bart.
“No you’re just violent. You overreact to the smallest prank...” said Oscar. “The joke really wasn’t that funny but I didn’t throttle poor Hugo.” said Oscar going through eye exams.
Oscar then had the lenses checked on him. To see what ones he needed.
“Better or worse.” the optometrist asked.
“Worse.”
“Better or worse.”
“Much better. Oscar found the right lenses.
Then there was the conclusion. Homer’s ailment meant he just needed laser therapy. However the optometrist warned him as he tried to leave he must administer eye drops or his eyes will crust over.
“There you go again... another unnecessary expense...” Homer left and his eyes crusted over. Yeeeuck!
As a result Jimbo and his friends kidnapped Homer pretended to be Marge and took him shopping for alcohol and cigarettes.
“Now remember Homie, I want alcohol and cigarettes!” said Kearney as Marge.
“Yes dear.” said the blinded Homer.
Meanwhile Oscar’s results sadly meant he needed glasses.
For the sake of hilarity he ended up in the time Homer was having his eyes tested and Bart was modelling his glasses by telling him which ones looked bad or good on him. Bart just shook his head at all of them.
“Well I need some more half moon intellectual glasses for when I want to look clever.” said Homer taking half moon glasses. “Now it doesn’t look like I can get novelty, glasses that look like I’m wide awake, smug or aroused.”
Meanwhile Oscar just got thick rimmed black glasses like Nerd Bart’s from The Last Temptation of Homer.
“Those are so geeky Oz...” Bart sighed.
“I think they look rather sweet on him!” Hugo cooed.
Oscar blushed. Usually I’m the one cooing at my friends for being cute... he thought.
...
Homer and Bart went to the baseball launchers.
“Okay which one do you want?” Homer asked which machine he wanted to use.
Bart picked one.
“You have the most wonderful mom in the world. Which is why I have no idea where she is or what she’s doing.” said Homer.
A baseball shot out of the baseball launcher.
Bart grunted as he whacked the baseball with his bat and it bounced away across the netted enclosure.
Mr Muntz was driving past.
“That’s right sucker! It’s Valentine’s Day and I’ve got a date with some fast balls!” said Homer.
“Lucky bastard...” Mr Muntz muttered as he drove off.
Homer continued taunted people driving past. Including a couple together on Valentines Day.
“I hope ball stings your batting hand!” A man with his wife yelled as he drove off.
Homer hurt his hand from a fast pitch. “Ow!”
Then music played as Homer and Bart fired baseballs at each other. Bart got knocked out so Homer worried set his baseball launcher to slow pitch to wake Bart up by gently tossing the balls at Bart. He was eventually roused.
They then went to the arcade.
Homer played a motorcycle racing game that had shotgun Guncon controllers for shooting at the virtual racers.
“Coooool!” Oscar wearing his new glasses cooed playing the game.
Then Homer and Bart played Air Hockey, with Bart as the air hockey puck.
Then Homer had pizza and sat on a test your strength game.
Then Bart and Homer handed in their tickets and got a small plastic dog... they hugged with a pink Herat iris out.
...
Marge and Lisa are in a restaurant, just them. Who is looking after Maggie?! Screams with frustration.
Matt shrugged and did Blblblblbl noises with his finger on his lips and rolled his eyes about.
“Lisa, I love spending mother daughter time with you.” said Marge.
They had rather sickly dialogue that wasn’t any way remotely amusing until Marge gasped because someone was about to put the thousand island spatula in the vinaigrette! Oh nooooo!
“Oh my goodness! Someone is about to put the Thousand Island spatula in the vinaigrette! Noooooooooooo!”
She went noooooooooooo! In a deep slow motion voice as everything was in slow motion and she nudged the person’s arm so the spatula went back in the Thousand Island as it should do.
However a drop of Thousand Island still went in the vinaigrette and reacted violently with it as it bubbled up violently.
Marge gasped at the sauces and dressings reacting so violently.
Lisa winced at this strange sight. Hopefully there’s a Thousand Island blob monster or something stupid...
Lisa saw through a crack in a wall a handsome boy eating in the next booth. He saw her.
“Oh no! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to eavesdrop!” said Lisa gasping as she didn’t mean to spy on him through the gap.
“Yes you did.” said Cheatsy Koopa.
The boy voiced by Michael Cera made a romantic analogy and went to speak with Lisa at the dessert tray.
“Just going to the dessert tray mom!” said Lisa.
“Okay sweetie.” said Marge.
Lisa was smitten with the boy who is now called Nick. She somehow magically forgot about Colin because apparently he was a movie romance only! But in my canon she’s cheating on him!
Lisa and Nick played pick the pudding the fork lands in. Nick tossed a fork and it landed its tines in a chocolate brownie dessert so Lisa took it.
“So what pudding are you getting?” Lisa asked Nick.
“Whatever my fork lands in I eat.” said Nick. He got a pink dessert.
Then Lisa said something geeky involving Hemingway. Apparently Nick was not put off and was even more into her... we get it Matt! You want to give Lisa a boyfriend in this episode that’s not realistically put off by her nerdy mannerisms and dialogue!
“Oh I want to play!” said Matilda from Roald Dahl’s Matilda, played by that girl in Miracle on 34th street alongside Santa Claus.
She threw a fork and caused mayhem. The first landed in Hibbert’s cream chocolate cheaux bun thingy spraying cream everywhere. He grumbled annoyed.
“Oops! Matilda gasped. She tossed another fork. It landed its tines in Oscar’s left eye, penetrating his glasses lens in the process. Oscar screamed in agony with a fork in his eye.
Matilda ran off embarrassed and mortified.
...
Lisa saw her mom alone and felt she should get back to her. But Nick persuades her otherwise. Then Marge sees Moe through the crack.
“Hey Midge, no Homer tonight this fine Valentine’s Day evening?” said Moe.
“Nope. We’re trying something new this year.” said Marge.
“Want to try some of my pasta?” asked Moe as their friendship obviously blossomed after she washed his security blanket bar rag.
“Sure!” said Marge.
Moe’s arm went through the hole, holding a fork with some pasta on it and Marge ate the pasta.
“It’s whore’s pasta.” said Moe.
Marge admonished him. “Moe that’s very rude!”
“That’s what the pasta is called...” said Moe.
Frink came across the violently bubbling vinaigrette and thousand island mixture. “Great glavin! Mo hoy!” He screamed. “Okay calm down... this can be separated out, after all it is a mixture and not a compound... Does anyone here have a centrifuge?”
No one answered.
“Oh yeah I’m the only guy to bring one these on a date...
Then another nerd stole his girlfriend Miss Wyoming and her grand tetons.
Then Frink called someone a crack head. XD.
At the Simpsons house all hell broke loose with antiques smashed, the sink flooded and a small fire in the living room as Maggie in a full stinky diaper cried and caused utter carnage because no one was there looking after her!
“Okay Narrator we get your point...” Lisa at the restaurant with Nick sighed.
...
At school.
Bart and a Milhouse had an enraptured crowd, that means they were utterly fascinated by whatever Bart and mil had to show them, not that they had been raptured by God... fools...
They were also wearing white lab coats.
“Today we tackle the most terrifying myth in Springfield Elementary...” Said Bart dramatically. “That if you press E8 you get electrocuted and you die!”
“Wow!” said the crowd of kids.
“Did you invent a robot hand to touch the buttons?” Nelson asked.
Stupidly in canon Martin asked. Um okay...
“No.... I don’t know nothing about robots because I didn’t pay the slightest bit attention to what Martin was explaining when we made baby seal robots. Now my geek of a twin brother on the other hand...” said Bart.
“Eh something like that...” said Hugo in a lab coat and glasses working on an invention.
Bart put in E8.
Milhouse gasped.
Everyone gasped.
However when Bart put in E8 on the vending machine he wasn’t electrocuted. The vending machine did not fall on him.... instead it operated and tiny box was deposited in the collecting chamber at the bottom.
“Hey look it sold something!” said Nelson.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the myth is cracked!” said Bart.
Everyone cheered.
Bart retrieved the item sold.
“Candy cigarettes?” Milhouse asked. “I didn’t know they made these!”
“They were discontinued because they encourage young impressionable children to smoke.” said a Martin.
The candy cigarettes were called Licky Strikes. Lucky Strikes basically. 4kids censors screamed with anguish. Well tough luck! We’re owned by Fox!
“How dumb do they think we are...” said Nelson. He shared the candy cigarettes with a girl and pretended to smoke them.
“I can quit anytime I want...” said Nelson to the girl with pigtails.
...
Spanish music on a Charango played as a camera pans through Springfield, past Lard Lad, smiling as usual. And Try N Save and then to a French restaurant for children called le petite appetite. Why do they have these things?! South Park has Hooters for children called Raisins! Why can’t you be realistic and stick with fast food outlets and Chuck e Cheeses?!
Lisa was there with Nick. And somehow some of the fourth graders Bart was showing the myth about the vending machines at school to magically teleported across town to the kids French restaurant!
“I love this place! If I cover the outer parts of my peripheral vision I’m in France!
Classy jazz French music plays as Lisa stairs at Nick being romantic and handsome looking. Transcriptsforeverdreaming describes the music as accordions... are you guys deaf or something?!
When Lisa looked left or right to the edges of her peripheral vision rap music played as she saw disgusting sights such as Barney vomiting in a dust cart.
Clownjas splattered with vomit bursted out crying and puking in disgust. Oscar what are you doing to those poor Clownjas?!
“Killer Klowns from outer space reference Narrator...” said Oscar at the French restaurant for children.
Then back to the French music and a Nick Smiling handsomely.
Then rap music as Ol’ Gil is bathing naked in the water fountain having a bath!
Then back to a Nick and French music.
Then to the dust carts as Snake puts a tied up and gagged Apu in The dust cart with the puked on Clownjas and shut him in.
Then back to Nick.
Then to the water fountain area where Oscar was defecating on the sidewalk because he is weird sometimes.
And a garbage truck dumped garbage in the water fountain. Why would you do that?!
“Eeeeeeew! Maybe I’ll just look at you...” Lisa sighed watching Nick smile at her and stir his tea.
Plot 3
Then at the kids French restaurant a boy playing Spanish music on a Charango was cheating on a Spanish girl that Bart was probably making out with in Radio Bart. Charango playing boy was cheating on Spanish girl with a regular American girl wearing a Happy Little Elves shirt.
And the restaurant for children served juice boxes instead of wine!? Okay Juice box is kid code for wine and hungover is sugar overload headache or gripey tummy.
Lisa tried her juice box. It was average. It’s juice!
Nick wanted better juice boxes. How about you stop kiddifying grownup things or maturing kid things?!
At the Needle Exchange...
We meant sewing... Otto...
Otto groaned hoping for drugs and left. That’s like the time he got mad a pottery and party kitchen tools shop had no Pot in it.
Inside the sewing shop that is probably for knitting and crochet too.
Marge was there with Sherri and Terri and their mother. Who is a widow in my canon! Homer's Odyssey.
The twins were being creepy acting like the shell game as creepy music played.
Lisa arrived. “Sorry I’m late Mom! No excuses! I just forgot!”
Marge made a cute design on the blanket they were making of Lisa as a ladybug, which won’t last a minute once they get it home because Santa’s little Helper will rip it to shreds!
“Narrator I think we’ve got him disciplined now...” said Lisa. “And why a ladybug? Oh no!” Lisa turned into a giant ladybug with her head.
“How is that for a curse my little cursed cursee, Kirsty?” The gypsy from Hex and the City gloated.
“Change me back, now!” Lisa whined.
Sherri and Terri were still being creepy and their long lost murderous triplet arrived! XD.
...
At School Bart and Milhouse were doing more Myth Crackers.
“According to the wisdom of our elders,” said Bart. Jimbo put up his hand. “If you go all the way round the swing you’ll end up inside out...”
“And according to the wisdom of early nineties cartoons, Mr Bumpy and Squishington from Bump in the Night already proved that urban legend!” said Oscar being annoying.
“Excuse me folks.” said Bart. He violently strangled Oscar. “You annoying little! Shut up for once!”
Milhouse winced then decided to read his lines. “Coooool! Now my beauty will be on the outside...”
Bart released Oscar and instructed the bullies to light the fireworks attached to Milhouse’s swing.
He swung round really, really fast! Then flew off with his butt on fire and landed face first in the mud.
“He’s still inside in folks! And just to prove it!” Bart took a photo of the inside of Milhouse by stuffing his phone down his throat and taking a photo. Bart showed the photo of Milhouse’s insides to the crowd. They cheered.
“Now why didn’t that happen to me...” Mr Bumpy groaned turned inside out and bloody.
Bart face palmed. “Enough of the cartoon references Oz!”
“Bart can you text me that picture of Milhouse’s insides? I need it for my vore collection...” said Oscar.
“Eeeeeeew! No!” Bart groaned.
...
Then the song Non, Je ne regrette rien played as Lisa as with Nick in a European community of Springfield where the kids French restaurant was. They sat in the bumper cars while Nick fed Lisa slices of pear.
Watched the running of the bullies. It’s like the bull chase in Spain but with nerds chased by bullies.
Lisa watched with Nick while sat in a balcony of a Spanish building while drinking juice boxes.
Bart and Milhouse are playing violent video games. They are playing what appears to be Medal of honour or something similar.
Lisa and Nick are dressed as news reporters writing down stuff as they watch Bart and Milhouse play.
At Moe’s.
Lisa are typing on typewriters. Moe comes over sharply to remind them of a sign that says All Prose must be spare and true.
Nick took out a page he was typing and screwed it up into a ball and threw it away annoyed and got back to working on a new page.
Oscar then ran in dressed in army camouflage pants and a bloody vest and a Rambo sweatband carrying an assault rifle while zombies try to get in and typed away on a typewriter and sighed with relief.
“What? This is how you save your game in Resident Evil!” said Oscar.
Then Lisa and Nick at a rock climbing park climbed a wall with a picnic basket.
They had a picnic and overlooked the European landmark themed rock climbing park. Martin tried to climb a wall but Jimbo got him and swung him about on his head like a bull tossing someone.
...
That early evening at brillig (four o clock. Broiling hour) the Simpsons were horrified to come back to the house in a smashed up wreck with a fire in the living room “What the hell?!” Homer gasped at the mess, and angry social workers holding Maggie who seemed to have caused the mess from being left alone.
“Mr and Mrs Simpson!” The female social worker scolded them.
“Hey don’t blame us! Blame Matt for not writing any scenes explaining where Maggie was!” Homer retorted.
This show has lost all logic now... Maggie being left out of scenes presumably home alone because the artists are too lazy to draw her...
...
It was night and Lisa was being read a bed time story by her mother. Marge was reading Peter Pan. The original J M Barrie book.
And in the book Wendy Darling read bed time stories about pirates to her younger brothers John and Michael Darling.
John the older boy was always wearing a black top hat and big round thick rimmed glasses and a night gown. They were unisex in the nineteenth century to Edwardian times.
Oscar’s teddy bear Teddy would always steal his top hat and get into shenanigans with it such as getting his head stuck in it, perform magician acts, cabaret dancing with canes etc. With his glasses he’d just wear them incorrectly and make silly faces. And sometimes he’d just mock John for wearing a nighty.
“It’s the Edwardian times, boys can wear night gowns!” John ranted.
“If you say so Wee Willie Winkie...” Teddy mocked him.
“Muuuuum!” John whined.
“Teddy watch your language!” Oscar scolded Teddy.
“Okay. Nice nighty Rip Van Wink...” Teddy quipped at John.
John growled.
“Mum someone needs to hurry up and invent boys pyjamas for older boys that are not night gowns!” John whined.
Micheal was the youngest. He is essentially the inspiration behind everything that is Oscar Tamaki. Small, cute and still wears feety pyjamas. And still has a teddy bear.
The difference is that Michael is about four years old and this is socially acceptable for him to wear feeties and have a teddy bear, Oscar was beyond this age and in the point it was just embarrassing for him to wear feeties and have a teddy bear. But he didn’t care.
Outside the story and in the main story. Mmmm storyception...
Marge got up to the point where Tootles decided the Lost Boys wanted a mother.
Shouldn’t have escaped your cribs then. That’s how they ended up kidnapped by Peter in the book. Oh and in the original book he sometimes kills the lost boys if the grow up! Oh my god!
Back in the story within a story Oscar kept mocking Tootles for dressing as a skunk by insisting he had terrible gas and body odour because he’s a skunk...
“Oz not funny...” Lisa sighed at his moronic changes.
Outside in the main story Lisa explained she had a crush.
“Mom I have a crush on a boy.” said Lisa.
“Oh my! Is it your father?” Marge asked.
No! She does not have an Electra Complex you dumbo! Mmmmmm Jungs.
Somewhere Jungs is spinning in his grave.
“No Mom...” Lisa whined. She explained about Nick. “I have fallen for a Hemingway-esque boy!”
“Well then let’s esque him round for dinner! Hehehehe!” Marge made a stupid pun.
“Mom that’s not funny...” Lisa sighed.
Meanwhile while I inception Peter Pan into this episode. Bart is being piggy back carried by Homer while directing him past Lisa’s room while Marge was in there reading her a bed time story and leading Homer somewhere with a donut on a fishing rod.
“That’s it... follow the donut...” said Bart.
...
The following evening but earlier as the Simpsons were preparing for a guest. Marge and Lisa were dressed up and hoping the house was in good order and not embarrassing or messy before Nick arrived.
“Mom the house is fine. Just make sure the boys and Dad are on their bet behaviour...” said Lisa.
“I hope so.” said Hugo dressed up.
“Kids this house is not an embarrassment!” Marge reassured them. “Hmmmm... usually when I say that, something really embarrassing happens!” She farted. “Oh my goodness!”
Then Oscar ran through the kitchen naked. “I’m naked!” He screamed with laughter.
Marge, Lisa and Hugo were mortified.
She was checking her teeth were clean and shiny in the toaster.
“Do I look like a mirror to you?!” said the Brave Little Toaster.
And Troy McClure/Lionel Hutz was an air conditioner.
“Hi, I’m your air conditioner. You may know me from such locations as your rumpus room and the front room!” said Troy McClure Air Conditioner from the Brave Little Toaster movie.
The doorbell rang.
“Oh! said Lisa. She answered and Nick was there with a bottle of wine. How did he get wine?! He’s a child! That should be a bottle of Ribena!
Nick was very polite and refined. Lisa was even more smitten. Marge was impressed.
Nick even greeted the ladies by kissing them on their hands. Even Maggie who probably had her hand stuffed in her mouth a few minutes ago and sucking on it.
Then he did the “I didn’t know you had a beautiful sister!” Routine with Marge but said “Lisa I didn’t know you had a beautiful daughter!”
“Nick that doesn’t make sense...” Bart whined. “You ruined it!”
Homer was impressed by Nick’s polite hand kissing. “Marge I’d kiss your hand in the most polite manner but... your arms are kinda lanky, and so I’ll have to bend down... oh! (His back cracks) Oh my back!”
Marge sighed.
“My Mother said I should bring some wine.” said Nick. Yeah I’m so sure she let you take wine...
Homer took the wine and examined it.
“Oh! I see the French are into the wine game now... ha they are so behind us Americans! Hehehehe!” Homer said being as clueless as usual.
“The French were making wine long before it came to America you dumbo!” Oscar yelled at Homer.
“I’ll get a couple glasses.’ Marge got three wine glasses. Um... minors can’t drink wine Marge...
In the lounge.
The Simpsons dressed up Smartly and having polite conversation with Nick in the front lounge.
Bart amusingly is sat in the bay of the lounge’s bay window cross legged in his church clothes reading a Radioactive Man comic.
Nick said he wanted permission to take Lisa to the Doritos nutrition fair at the school gym. That’s not very romantic and I hope there’s Mountain Dew there too and klaxons and internet memes and gaming culture.
Bart said something unhelpful or cheeky and Marge admonished him.
“It’s like they took Michael Cera and shrunk him to make him look like a kid...” said Bart.
“Bart! If you can’t say something nice, zip it!” Marge told him off.
Then Marge was being a jealous bitch just because Lisa had a wonderful boyfriend and she was stuck with Homer.
“Okay sweetie you can go with Nick but then I don’t want to see so much of this boy.” There hopefully that’ll stop her from seeing him... “if you do, it will mean you’re a separate person from me.”
“And that’s bad...” said Hugo inside Bart’s blue blazer some how...
“Hugo enough of your fixation on trying to reattach us! It’s creepy!” Bart whined. “Now get out of my blazer! You’re stretching it!”
“Wow mom your jealousy had the subtlety of Brian Blessed whispering...” Lisa snarked.
“I HAVE NO INDOOR VOICE!!!” Brian Blessed yelled.
“Ha she got you there sweetie.” said Homer.
“Yes Mom it must be so embarrassing seeing your daughter find a much better man than you did...” Lisa snarked.
Marge seethed with anger and jealousy.
“Yeah you married me dear!” said Homer and he belched. “And I have no idea who Hemingway is?! Is it a fish?”
Marge was embarrassed.
Plot 4
One day at the retirement home Lisa discussed mom’s jealousy with Grampa while Crazy old Jew had breakfast in bed in the same room. Abe shares a bedroom with him now or something.
“Yeah there are a lot of fish in the see but she picked out a drunken walrus...” said Abe. “Lisa, sweetie. You and Nick are like Pyramus and Thisbe.”
“Which inspired Shakespeare to write Romeo and Juliet., which inspired West Side Story, which inspired me to say, eh!” said crazy old Jew.
“Even a genius such as my self, has no idea who Pyramus and Thisbe are...” said Lisa.
“Pyramus and Thisbe were lovers from ancient times.” said Grampa. “They were the lovelorn children of two neighbouring households that hated each other!
“So exactly like Romeo and Juliet...” said Lisa.
Then Abe told the story of Pyramus and Thisbe. With Nick as Pyramus and Lisa as Thisbe. They came out of Arabic houses and fell in love with each other. But shadows of their fathers appeared and they quickly went back inside their respective houses.
Then Arabic Homer killed Arabic Ned for being annoying. “Now I don’t like to babble on, but I sure like to Babylon! Ha!” said Ned.
Homer sliced his head off with his scimitar! Cooool!
“Stupid Flanders...”
But the star crossed lovers Pyramus and Thisbe found solace under a tree and kissed a forbidden kiss and turned into a tree!
“And they lived happily ever after!” said Abe.
We had just been read Disney’s Pyramus and Thisbe! XD! Sure they’d adapt that into a cutesy animated film with talking parrots...
“Ugh! Disney always seems to think if they add a cartoon wisecracking parrot to a story they own it...” Lisa sighed.
“Talk to the wing, Thisbe!” said a green cartoon parrot to Thisbe. XD!
Lisa wanted Grampa’s help to elope with Nick. Or more innocently, steal a kiss.
“Okay but let me check my schedule.” said Grampa. His diary was just “Wait for death“ and then a few weeks later... “Die.” How morbid...
...
At school in the girls toilets. Martin was in there with girls and boys. Um Eeeeeew...
Bart was proving or cracking another myth. A drowned girl called Eleanor Mackie could come back and kill you if you said her name three times in the mirror like Bloody Mary.
“Milhouse...” Bart volunteers Milhouse as a sacrifice to the vengeful bathroom ghost.
“Eleanor Mackie. Eleanor Mackie. Eleanor Mackie.” said Milhouse to the bathroom mirrors in the darkened girls bathroom. Nothing happened.
“Well I guess that myth is cracked.” said Bart but suddenly everyone screamed because... Lunch Lady Doris s was washing her hands!”
“Can’t your lunch lady wash her hands once in a while...” Lunch Lady Doris asked.
Everyone sighed with relief.
“Well duh that myth didn’t work because Eleanor doesn’t exist as a vengeful bathroom spirit! Let me show you how to get a vengeful bathroom ghost.l.” said Oscar adjusting his glasses.
“Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary. Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman.” Oscar recited.
Bloody Mary and the Candyman appeared suddenly and killed the fuck out of each other.
The kids so frightened of the vengeful ghouls ran out the bathroom screaming.
“Oz you do realise you’re marked for death by both Bloody Mary and the Candyman?” said Bart.
“I know. I also watched the video tape from the Ring while in the Grudge house!” said Oscar. “And I went camping last week at Crystal lake.
He was mobbed by Candyman, Bloody Mary, Sadako, Samara, Kayako from The Grudge and Jason Voorhees as they killed him.
Bart sweat dropped.
Nelson clipped a cigar with scissors.
“Is that a cigar?!” Bart asked.
“No it’s a Twix.” said Nelson.
Spanish or Portuguese Nelson can’t say Twix. He says a chocolate instead.
...
Outside in the playground Milhouse decided he was upside down from the climbing frame pigtails girl from Disney’s recess as he hung from his legs upside down from the climbing frame as Bart lamented ruining all the fun and mystery of the school.
“We still have Dark Stanley.” said Milhouse.
“Milhouse I made that story up because my Dad didn’t pack me my lunch one day...” said Bart.
Bart then did a double take because next to Milhouse dangling from the climbing frame was upside down girl from Disney’s recess. “What the!?”
Then next to her upside down via his legs was Ace sleeping.
“I’m a vampire, duh...” said Ace before going back to sleep upside down.
And next to him also upside down was Tobias.
“I’m Australian. This is the right way up where I live!” said Tobias.
“Now cut that out!” Bart yelled frustrated.
...
Lisa decided the best time to steal a kiss and run away with Nick would be during the Doritos nutritional fair at the school gym.
She was lecturing why Doritos and Mountain Dew were unhealthy.
“Booooooo!” Loads of XBox, PlayStation and PC gamers jeered. But not Nintendo fan boys because they are not edgy enough to be in The gang.
Nintendo fans whine like Droopy left out by the jeering video game fans.
“L33t! L33t! L33t!’ The Xbox, PlayStation and PC boys chanted.
And there was a video game marathon of Counter Strike and Halo for some reason too.
“Okay...” said Lisa.
And all the video game fan boys were also eating Doritos and drinking Mountain Dew.
“Eeeeeew! Homer groaned as he disliked Mountain Dew. He’d rather drink Crab juice.
When the boys opened their bottles of Mountain Dew the Gym was filled with klaxons and memes and black boys going Oooooooooh! because their friend gave a very witty insult in a battle of insults/rap duel.
“Okay we’re outta here Grampa...” Lisa sighed deciding the nutritional information fair was stupid now.
...
In the playground to escape the cringeworthy memes and because he got bored playing Halo with Nelson and Jimbo. Bart was dealing with everyone calling him fun killer, even Skinner, which was ironic... All because he cracked all the myths.
“Oh James Hyneman and Adam Savage! Help me!” Bart whined.
“No way Fun Killer. You went too far cracking myths...” said James Hyneman and Adam Savage. “Plus your heathen sister filed a class action lawsuit against us... citing freedom of religion.”
Bart whined.
Then he saw Willie looking in a mirror and acting like a werewolf by growling and howling.
“Hmmmmm...” said Bart.
He gathered up his fans and explained Willie was now a werewolf. Inside Willie was a werewolf holding Milhouse upside down by his ankle.
“Arooooooooo!” He howled.
The kids scream.
“That’s entirely feasible with all the werewolves in Springfield such as werewolf Ned, that Defence against the Dark Arts teacher... Those diaper wearing cartoon wolves that are sometimes human called Kyle and Caiden that Oscar likes...” said Database.
Bart face palmed as Werewolf Ned Flanders, Remus Lupin and Kyle and Caiden were there for some reason.
“Well hi diddly aroooooooooo!” Werewolf Flanders howled.
“Stupid Werewolf Flanders...” Homer sighed.
...
Lisa, Grampa and Nick went in a Land Rover Grampa got somehow to some place called the mulberry bush.
“Here we go round the mulberry bush! The mulberry bush! The mulberry bush! Here we go round the mulberry bush so early in the morning!” Oscar sung while playing his guitar.
“Oscar stop! That’s annoying! And it’s sunset not morning!” Lisa replied.
Suddenly cops were chasing them. Nick so alarmed he pinched Lisa’s arm.
“Ow!” Lisa whined.
“Abe Simpson you are wanted for grand theft retirement home!” said Wiggum.
“You um took the TV remote with you...” said Lou.
“Oooooh! Then you better give it back! The old folks go crazy if they can’t change the channel when Maury is on!”
At the home old people were annoyed they couldn’t change the channel.
“Change the channel!” Jasper yelled.
“We can’t! Abe took the remote! Oh that crazy geezer!” said Crazy old Jew.
“Yes thanks Mr Simpson, but per safeguarding we need to get you back to the home?” said Lou.
“Nooooooooo!” Abe screamed.
“Noooooooooo!” screamed Darth Vader.
“Grampa we won’t get there in time!” Lisa whined.
“Run you little star crossed lovers! Run!” Abe told Lisa and Nick.
They got out of the Land Rover and down from the road and through some bushes. Nick carelessly smacked a bough of the bushes in Lisa’s face. She glared at him.
While the children left to kiss under the mulberry tree Wiggum and his officers Lou and Eddie tried to get Grampa back home.
“No! Don’t put me back in that prison.
Lou thought he heard gun fire. “I hear shooting!”
“No that’s my back. That one was my knee... and that was my neck...” said Abe as his joints cracked as he got in the car.”
“Eeeeew!” said the cops.
“And Lou, it’s not 2020 yet and you’re a black cop. You’re not trigger happy and hearing gun shots in paranoia like Eddie and I do! Ahhhh! Suspect is armed!”
Cleatus gave Lisa and Nick a lift somewhere.
“Thanks Mr Spuckler!” said Lisa.
“No I don’t approve of out breeding but you do make a cute couple.” said Cleatus.
Lisa and Nick made their way down to a dock where there was a small rowing boat. They sailed to a tiny island with one solitary tree on it.
Nick was acting shifty such as being worried about choppy water. The lake was very calm and serene...
“Nick the lake is calm and you told me you single handedly sailed down white water rapids...” said Lisa.
“Oh yeah...” said Nick.
...
Meanwhile.
“She’s what?!” Colin from the Simpsons movie yelled.
“She’s cheating on you with some Hemingway-esque boy called Nick.... I’m sorry I had to let you know...” said Oscar.
Colin cried. “Oh me Jesus! Oh beautiful Dublin! Why have you forsaken me baby! Why?!” Oscar comforted Colin.
“There there. My expectations of Lisa have dropped like a boulder knowing know she could be so cold...” said Oscar.
“Oz stop enforcing your weird Lisa and Colin Ship!” Bart whined.
“Never!” Oscar yelled.
Later Marge and Homer found out what Lisa is doing. Getting a harmless kiss off a boy. Who hopefully doesn’t have stupid lawyer parents who would sue over an innocent kiss.
Strangely though in Canon Marge is stupidly jealous and jealousy stupid that she wants to stop this innocent kiss.
Homer in his pink car are driving Marge, Bart, Oscar, Grampa and Colin to stop Lisa having an innocent kiss for some stupid reason. Well her cheating on Colin is a good enough reason....
Plot 5
“Okay Dad, what stupid idea did you put in Lisa’s head now...” said Homer,
“She wants to steal a kiss, like in Pyramus and Thisbe.” said Abe.
“Did you say ultimate frisbee?!” Homer gasped with joy.
“No!” Abe replied annoyed at such a stupid suggestion.
“Ooooooh!” Homer whined.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
“Hehehehe! Ultimate frisbee...”
Marge sighed disappointed. “Hmmmmmph! I don’t like the idea of stealing anything! She shouldn’t steal a kiss! She should buy one like all law abiding people!”
“Marge you’re suggesting paying for sexual favours... that’s prostitution...” said Oscar.
“Oh God!!” Marge screamed.
“May I remind you people my girlfriend is cheating on me?!” Colin cried.
“I once rowed up the Zambezi without a guide...” said Oscar.
“No one cares Oz...” Bart groaned.
“I care...” Oscar whined.
...
The Simpsons arrived as Lisa and Nick arrived at the tiny island with a single tree on it.
Marge is still being stupidly jealous and disapproving of this cute innocent romance. If anyone should disapprove it’s Colin.
Marge and Colin hmmmphed and took the lake walking boots or Jesus boots to walk on water. But Marge had difficulty with the water walking shoes.
“Women and shoes... eh boy?” Homer quipped.
Bart laughed.
Marge glared at them and made a very vexed sound to show she heard their remarks.
On the island.
“Nick your hands are cold.” said Lisa. Oh god he’s yet another vampire!
“You were a lot more adventurous at the dessert table...” Lisa continued.
“I sure was! I’m allergic to chocolate!” said Nick.
“How are you human?!” Oscar yelled from the lake edge.
“Shut up and kiss me.” said Lisa going in for a kiss.
Then in her thoughts was Hadley Richardson. Hemingway’s first wife!
She oddly wasps trying to stop Lisa kissing Nick and turning them both into a tree.
“Tortured souls make horrible husbands.” said Hadley. Well duh! Put a guy in a torture chamber and give him five minutes on the rack and a few minutes of red hot pincers on his nipples and yeah I’m sure he’s not gonna be the next Casanova...
“If you don’t believe me ask his second wife. Pauline Pfeiffer...” said Hadley.
“Please don’t spit when you talk...” said Lisa.
Pauline Pfeiffer appeared. “I’m his second wife. There are two after me.”
“At least you’re chose to be with him! I was just swimming around, minding my own business when I find myself mounted on the wall! He used to pee in the fireplace! (Pitiful sobbing!” A talking swordfish cried.
“What the heck?!” Lisa gasped at her stupid thoughts of talking sea creatures and continued trying to kiss Nick.
“Wait a minute? How long is this love again?” she asked Nick.
“An eternity!” He said in a demonic voice. Yeah he’s some kind of monster now.
“Oh my! That is a long time! And my lips are getting cold!” said Lisa.
Now Nick was desperate to kiss her so he could consume her souls or turn them into a tree.
“Hey! Get your ugly face off of her!” Colin yelled arriving on the muddy banks of the island.
Nick as some sort of monster between his human form as Nick and his true form because damn an episode this long needs a villain, growled in Aramaic or some other dead language.
“Hey! Look what I’ve got!” Colin grinned holding a partially unwrapped chocolate bar.
Nick screamed like partially resurrected Imhotep with his face still half rotten and exploded into dust.
“Colin! Why did you do that?!” Lisa whined.
“Why the Belfast did you cheat on me?!” Colin yelled.
“Colin... I’m sorry... can you ever forgive me?” Lisa whined.
“Lisa you hurt me...” Colin replied.
“And that’s very bad of me... my last two boyfriends hurt me... but that’s no excuse...” Lisa sighed.
“You hurt me!!” Luke from Dude, where’s my Ranch yelled.
Colin winced.
“Okay I’m just as bad in relationships! Perfect little Lisa Simpson is not so perfect! You happy now!” Lisa yelled at the fourth wall.
Marge arrived.
“Lisa... oh where’s Nick?” Marge asked.
“He sort of went poof! And exploded into dust when Colin showed him a candy Bar.” said Lisa.
“Oh well... can you two sweethearts find it I. Your hearts to forgive each other?” Marge asked.
“We need some time Mom. I really hurt Colin’s feelings by cheating on him...” said Lisa.
Then they decided to walk back across the lake.
“Hey Marge! This is how you cross a lake!” said Homer in a hovercraft with a giant fan on the back. He sunk it somehow and drowned.
“Idiot...” Bart sighed.
“Or just get a piggy back ride on Jesus!” said Oscar being carried by Jesus Christ as he strides across the lake as heavenly music played.
Lisa liked back at the island. Nick reformed from dust. “Lisa, I’m sorry God gave me the gift to lie to girls, for a little while...” said Nick. “Well, Adios.” He vanished into dust again.
“Okay... what exactly was he...” Lisa asked.
I dunno I was jazzing up the story...
They then returned home to their lives.
The end!