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The D’oh-cial Network Lisa creates a social network and is made to attend court after it causes trouble.

Plot[]

The title gag is a gargoyle kidnapping Ned Flanders. He screams for help.

The billboard gag is “Winter wonderland at the Squidport. Dead seals wash up daily.

The chalkboard gag is “We do need no education.” Um Pink Floyd’s song is a double negative Skinner...

Suddenly the classroom shook as Oscar smashed through the blackboard and the wall it was on while riding on Pink Floyd’s giant hammers as electric guitars play in the background.

The couch gag is the Simpsons in a long gag riding in a taxi as music plays waiting because they are in a traffic jam. Suddenly Homer decides they should abscond the taxi. Homer pays the taxi as he leaves last. The song kicks in with saxophones as the Simpsons run through a town.

Homer stops to play three card Monty with Raphael and loses a bet. “D’oh!”

He pays Raphael but Marge drags him away.

They get to a building with a security guard outside guarding it. The guard stops them from entering.

He explains wordlessly that they are not on the register so they can’t enter. Homer violently head butts him, concussing the guard. The Simpsons run inside the building.

They get to the stage doors of a studio. A lady stops them so Homer head butts her violently and the Simpsons run in the studio. Homer what is wrong with you?!

They arrived on the David Letterman show.

“So this is the thing where the family sit on The couch?” Letterman asked. The Simpsons sit on the couch in his studio. “That’s it?! We flew you out for this?” Letterman asked.

Maggie sucked her pacifier.

“Paul play them out.”

A band played the Simpsons theme.

........

“Lisa Simpson, your actions have caused devastation upon this small town! And all because of your selfish desire to be accepted by others!” said Blue Haired Lawyer to Lisa who was in court for something. Yes Lisa in Court!

“Wouldn’t be the first time narrator. May I remind you the time the town outlawed the teaching of evolution in favour of creationism?” said Blue Haired Lawyer...

“Yes we all remember that...” said Oscar writing on his laptop.

Now I shall not repeat myself. Lisa Simpson, your actions have caused devastation upon this small town! And all because of your selfish desire to be accept others!” said Blue Haired Lawyer.

Angry muttering came from the stands. It’s one of those everyone hates the Simpsons episodes...

“Hey! Leave my only speaking daughter alone!” Homer yelled.

Maggie astonished took out her pacifier to speak but decided not to bother. She put her pacifier back in her mouth and sucked it while sulking.

“Lethal inject her on the electric chair!” Bart yelled.

“Bart! It’s okay to say that at home but not in court! Take that back!” Marge gasped.

“Never!” Bart yelled with joy.

“Silence in court!” said Judge Snyder. “And... good lord! Simpsons! Are you dressed casually in my court room again?!”

Yes the Simpsons also thought nothing of turning up to court in their usual clothes.

The Simpsons were mortified as everyone glared at them.

“I recess this case until the Simpsons return smartly dressed! No hurry up and go home Simpsons!” Judge Snyder ranted. “Tsk! If there is one thing I won’t stand for it’s bribes, townsfolk dressed casually in my court room and prosecutors bigoted against Illiteracy!”

Paige’s father the senator from Mr Lisa Goes to Washington who is also a prosecutor stormed off.

...

The Simpsons hurried off home, rushed inside and got undressed and dressed into their church/formal attire.

“Ooooooooh! This rather inconvenient! Especially considering Lisa was hauled to court immediately after arrest like the last two times when she taught evolution against the town’s ban! And that time she was a Wiccan...” said Marge finished getting ready and putting on her earrings.

“Yeah narrator do you have to be so pedantic...” Bart sighed putting on his shorts and then a smart shirt.

“Details, details...” said Oscar putting on a smart suit Marge bought him from Wee Monsieur.

Eventually the Simpsons dressed smartly arrived back in court.

“There, that is much better. Now where were we?” said Judge Snyder resuming the court case.

“I shouted out “Lethal inject her on the electric chair!” Refused to recant and you told me off for shouting out in court your honour.” said Bart dressed smartly in his blue church suit and tie.

“Hmmmmm yes. Bart I’m not sentencing your sister to the electric chair. Now sit down and stop this foolishness!” said Judge Snyder.

Bart sat down.

Marge got up. “Lisa tell your side of the story! And use your big voice!” said Marge.

“Very well.” Lisa cleared her throat with a small cough. “It all started a couple of months ago.” said Lisa.

“Your honour, I’d like to request that everyone in this court room picture in their minds what the witness is describing?” Blue Haired Lawyer asked.

“Very well. I’ll allow it. But no flights of fancy...” said Judge Snyder.

“Oooooooh!” Homer groaned.

We flashback to several months ago.

...

Someone, probably the Simpsons, is watching a McBain clip. McBain encounters his arch nemesis Mendoza in an ally way. Presumably this was before he threw Mendoza out of his office several stories above ground into a gasoline truck that blew up, presumably killing Mendoza.

“Mendoza!” McBain was shocked to see him. If that’s the case it’s after his supposed death.

“Well McBain. You certainly picked a bad time to come out of retirement! Mwuhahahaha?” said Mendoza laughing evilly. “I hope you have a COBRA plan!” He quipped opening a briefcase. Inside was a cobra. It hissed and reared up into attack position ready to strike.

McBain punched the cobra killing it.

“You appear to be suffering from a reptile dysfunction...” said McBain.

Oscar laughed hysterically. “Nahahahaha! A reptile dysfunction! Ahahahaha!”

“Ok Oz it’s not that funny!” Bart sighed wearing a seat belt and sat somewhere.

Suddenly the TV was blocked by a little boy’s head, or the back of his head to be precise.

“Down in front!” Homer yelled. “Damn it.... why do kids have to have heads...” he sighed.

“Homer! Stop watching the TVs in other peoples cars!” Marge nagged.

“Oooooh! But I’m invested in characters...” Homer whined.

“Pay attention to the road! You’ll miss the turn off to the fancy new mall!” Marge explained nagging.

“I make my own turn offs...” said Homer.

They arrive at a parking lot, annoy people by making them think they’re leaving and then turn off the ignition and leave to go to the mall.

“Ohhhhhh! Marge do we have to bring the mutant...” Homer groaned as walked Hugo on a leash.

“Homer! Stop that! His name is Hugo!” Marge told Homer off for being mean to Hugo.

They arrived in the main area of the mall. It was built to resemble a high street with trolley trams.

“This place is great! And the trolleys don’t even hurt you when they collide with you! Look!” said Homer. A tram rung its bell and collided with Homer. “Hehehehe! Again! Hehehehe!

“Hmmmmm...” Marge sighed.

“Now you try Maggie!” Homer held Maggie up and aloft. The trolley rung its bell and gently pushed into her before rebounding.

Maggie squealed and giggled. She clapped with joy.

“Homer that’s cute, but Eric wants a go,” said Marge.

“Fine...” said Homer swapping Maggie into Marge’s arms and taking baby Eric. Honer held him aloft and the trolly gently nudged him.

Eric giggled and gurgled.

Then they discovered for some reason that Lenny lives in the mall now. I’m guessing he got bored of the Jal Alai court.


They spoke to him as friends before agreeing to explore the mall on their own. Well Marge with the babies but you get my point.

Lenny explains his day. He gets up and dressed, has a croissant from the cafe and a coffee. Then spends all morning looking at the mobile phone covers.

Ever get bored of those dancing waters?” said Homer as the camera pans over to a fountain with water spouting about as Blue Danube plays.

“First day...” Lenny confirms they, the dancing water, bored him on the first day he moved in.

And thus they went their separate ways to explore the mall.

Lenny went to a doll shop to buy one of those creepy dolls.

Apparently Lenny now has an addiction to collecting eerie dolls because the shopkeeper says. “Mr Lennard, you asked me to stop serving you because of your doll addiction... please! Help me to help you!”

“You can help my addiction by selling me that Ellis Island Emily doll!” Lenny demanded. The shopkeeper reluctantly sold him the doll. “Why are you feeding my addiction?! You’re not helping!!” He ran off in tears with the doll.

Oscar went in the fruity doll store.

“Eeeeew! Oz that shop sells girly dolls...” Bart groaned from off screen.

“Yes can I have that really creepy doll that whispering dark secrets and has an eerie nursery rhyme sung by creepy children playing every time we focus on it, like so (Creepy children singing nursery rhymes.) And the doll is likely evil or possessed and might kill me during the night.” said Oscar.

“Ah you want Murdering Mabel, the haunted doll trope that launched hundreds of haunted doll movies.” said the lady shopkeeper selling him a killer doll.

Marge on the trolley went through her gift cards. “Hmmmmm... most of these are expired...” she’s like me, lets gift cards expire...

She threw the old gift cards, including one for Blockbusters video store in the bin. An audience clapped as the gift cards went in the bin as the text in memorium appeared. Um I don’t get it...

Homer picked out the gift cards still within their dates of use. He picked a geeky card for a learning book store.

“D’oh! Do over.” He picked out another. “Woohoo!” It was for a bakery.

Homer went to a bakery ran by Squeaky Voiced Teen.

“What can I get you sir?” Squeaky Voiced Teen asked.

“Unspool the cinnamon roll into my mouth until the card reaches zero.” said Homer pointing to a spool of cinnamon roll he gluttonously wanted to swallow like a python.

Squeaky Voices Teen sighed and rolled his eyes before he complied with Homer’s wish and unspooled the cinnamon rolls into his mouth.

“Draw the curtains.” Homer muffed as he swallowed the cinnamon rolls.

Squeaky Voiced Teen sighed and shut the curtains.

Bart went to health and beauty clinic and asked to try on a skin rehydrating oil.

“Sir as a scientist I strongly warn you not to apply any more skin hydrator oil! It’s not safe!” said a blonde lady.

“Less blathering more slathering!” Bart poured the oil all over himself until he was shiny and slippery. He slid on his belly down the mall corridors. “Wheeeeeeee!”

People yelled as he knocked them aside.

“Hey! Watch it!”

Then Bart slid past Otto.

“Hey Bart, can I get a ride?” Otto asked.

“Hop on!” said Bart as he slid past. Otto did so and rode Bart like he was a snowboard. Eventually Otto arrived at a weed and cannabis store and picked up Bart taking him with him.

“Um Otto... please put me down...” said Bart.

And he was never seen again for the rest of this day out to the mall.

Lisa was in a Lego shop. She was annoyed it just sold Lego sets and not just Lego.

“Hmmmm.... ummm... I kinda just want to build my own thing... don’t just have plain Lego?” Lisa asked.

“No we do all the imagining for you said the lady shop keeper.

Lisa sighed. “Fine I’ll just have to buy one of these sets and build something different then...” said Lisa picking up a Lego set.

“You do sweetheart and you better build yourself a decent lawyer...” said the rude shopkeeper.

Oscar came in pointing an uzi at the shopkeeper.

“You were saying...” he warned.

The flash back was interrupted as we return to the court.

“Miss Simpson... does the court really need to hear about each and every store you and your family went into...?” Blue haired Lawyer asked.

“Trust me, I’ve left a lot out and cleaned out all the swears...” said Lisa.

...

Back at the Lego store.

“Fine! Here have this tub of mixed Lego! No one buys these anymore! But oh well that’ll be five dollars! Thank you!” The frightened shopkeeper sold Lisa a Lego shaped tub of mixed Lego.

“Feh!” Comic book Guy was disgusted Lisa didn’t want to buy any sets just lego to build monstrosities he had often seen children build with their imagination.

Lisa took her Lego and left giving Oscar a concerned look.

“Ah Ah and you s s sir?” The shopkeeper stammered as Oscar continued pointing his uzi at her.

“I’ll take the Star Wars set and a hundred spare Luke green lightsabers and the zoo set so I can make a Lego monster that barfs lightsabers and shoots zoo animals out of its arm cannon!” said Oscar.

“Okay...” said the shopkeeper answering his request.

“I I might rain check on building a decent lawyer out of Lego. Just for a laugh!” said Oscar smirking as he paid for his Lego.

In the court room at the present during Lisa’s trial.

“May I remind Master Tamaki that a model of a lawyer built out of Lego to pose as a lawyer doesn’t legally count as a legal defence...” Blue Haired Lawyer sighed as Oscar had somehow quickly constructed a lawyer in a blue suit of blue Lego pieces with yellow skin of yellow Lego pieces.

Oscar laughed.

Plot 2[]

“Anyway where I left off since my testimony is about me Oz,,,” said Lisa.

After buying her Lego. Lisa came across the twins Sherri and Terri. They were getting things put in their hair.

“What you doing?” Lisa asked in a friendly manner.

“Duh! What’s it look like?! We’re getting feather brides out in our hair!” Sherri said rudely.

”These girls a snotty and shallow. You should tell them off!” Lisa’s brain said to herself.

“Can I join you?” Lisa wanted a feather braid in her hair too.

“Lisa how do we put this? You’re the reason nobody wears Silly Bandz any more!” said Terri rudely.

“I still do.” said Alison.

“And me.” said the fourth grade girl with stylish glasses.

“And me.” said Janey.

“Ugh!” The twins ranted shut down by Lisa’s friends that she actually has so what is the point of this episode so she can communicate with bitchy popular girls without them knowing it’s her as herself?!

“You girls need to get a life, like a twins anonymous club...” said Lisa.

“Now that I’d join! Right Bart?” Hugo asked Bart enthusiastically.

“Ugh...” Bart sighed.

Homer was still in the pastry bakery swallowing the cinnamon roll spool like a hungry python.

“Enough!” Marge was fed up and dragged him away. She took him to a Mapple store.

“I don’t trust this store... where are the cashiers...” Homer whined.

Suddenly he saw a Mapple laptop spinning about then vanishing because it was so thin before reappearing again. “Oooooooh! Huh? Oooooooh!”

“Beautiful isn’t it?” A Mapple tech asked Homer showing the laptop. “It’s the thinnest and most powerful laptop, for the next three months...”

“I’ll take it! Providing you charge me for things I can get from Google for free!” said Homer.

“Already have...” said the Mapple tech.

Oscar shook his head playing on his Google phone.

“Grrrrrr! Mapple is a respectable evil technological overlord!” Homer ranted at Oscar.

“No... their devices brick themselves if I don’t update them regularly with the daily updates, their power cables are too short so I can not lie in bed comfortably while on my Mypad. And the charging cables melt easily! And they cause house fires! And Mapple releases updated that render third party charging cables incompatible!” Oscar ranted.

“Support the official accessories brat!” Homer ranted.

“No why should I support poorly built crap? oh and I’d rather get the extras you have to pay Mapple for, for free from Google... so phhhhhhbt!” Oscar retorted, blowing a raspberry with his tongue.

Homer growled.

“Homer! Oscar is very sensible and savvy! You are stubbornly loyal to Mapple!” Marge nagged.

“Maaaaarge... old man Burns supports Mapple financially...” Homer whined as Mr Burns shook hands with the manager of the Mapple store and gave him a bribe.

...

The Simpsons house. There is a Mapple box in the outside bin/garbage can.

Homer is in the kitchen on his new laptop... no wonder he is always whining about his financial woes...

“I like having the latest tech! Smart ass narrator!” Homer ranted at the fourth wall.

“Homer you have loads of machines! We have at least three laptops, that computer you got that can be instructed to kill people and Ultrahouse.

“Marge, Robot Pierce Brosnan tried to kill me remember?” said Homer.

Homer was streaming a really long artsy fartsy movie. “I’m watching it a twenty times speed because it’s so long and slow...” said Homer.

“Uh oh. It froze. Oh no wait that bird moved.” said Marge watching the movie Homer was watching.

Someone was dragging something.

“Uh oh! Draggy back packs!” said Marge.

Lisa came in dragging her pink Happy Little Elves back pack.

“I have no friends...” she whined.

“Now sweetie that’s not true! You have friends! Alison...”

“Haven’t seen or spoken to her since season six...” Lisa replied.

“Ralph?”

“He keeps trying to get back with me as my boyfriend...”

“Janey?”

“Two faced...” said Lisa as she was on and off with Lisa.

“Oh I see.” said Marge.

“I can get you friends sweetie!” said Homer.

“No I am not reading that book on how to be a nasty venomous popular girl!” said Lisa. “Why can’t people like me for who I am!?”

“Now that is a conundrum!” said Martin Prince paying the Simpsons a visit. Suddenly Jimbo ran in and punched him hard in the stomach. Martin gasped winded.

...

“Want to play on Daddy’s laptop?” Homer asked Lisa. “Just let me finish downloading the entire works of Shakespeare.” His Mapple laptop finished downloading the works of Shakespeare. He put the download in the recycling bin.

“Hehehehe! Who’s the greatest writer now.... hehehe...” said Homer kissing his muscles.

That night.

Lisa was in her nightie in the darkened kitchen typed away on Homer’s laptop.

“Now to make friends I should get to know what people like. But I won’t know what people like unless I ask! Boy this is a conundrum...” said Lisa in her nightie.

Suddenly Bart came still in his day clothes for some reason. “Word of advice sis, never use words like conundrum if you want to make friends...” said Bart.

The kitchen phone rang. Bart answered. It. We can Hear Jimbo speaking. “Oh no! Jimbo heard me say conundrum! D’oh! I said it again!” Bart went off somewhere.

Lisa sighed and decided to ask questions on a Facebook MySpace app on Homer’s laptop. She probably can only communicate with her friends but for the laughs... this is the following chat after she asked “do you like ice cream?”

Alison said yes. Wanda said yes. Janey said no. Ralph said “Yes, as a food and as a pillow.”

Okay...” Lisa found his answers silly.

Then answer from someone she did not know because I’m making it a public chat rather than just Springfield Elementary because logically Lisa is making friends, not talking to friends already on her friends list. The unknown user called Creep Oh7 replied to her quest about ice cream with “How old are you?” Lisa ignored the irreverent question.

She then asked how everyone felt about Saturdays.

“Love em.” “Love em.” Janey put “If you like em then I hate em.” To be bitchy basically. Ralph put “Daddy’s gun tastes funny.” Okay that’s really stupid Ralph... Then Creep Oh7 put. “I bet you look hot...”

“Mooooooom!” Lisa ran upstairs with Dad’s laptop in shock.

...

Outside in the backyard Jimbo had tied Bart up by his ankles from a tree and was punching him as a human punching bag.

“How’s this for a conundrum?” Jimbo spat as he punched Bart.

“That’s not a conundrum my friends! Allow me to enlighten you with my wisdom...” said Martin.

Now Martin was hung upside down by his ankles and Bart and Jimbo were beating him up.

We cut back to the court room.

“So, to summarise your honour, Lisa created this social network because she has no friends...” said Blue Haired Lawyer.

“No that’s not true! I...” said Lisa.

“Lisa Simpson May I remind you you’re under oath.” said Blue Haired Lawyer.

“Actually I’m not sworn in yet because you gave me a bible to swear by. I can’t swear to tell the truth on a book I don’t believe the teachings of anymore!” said Lisa.

Everyone gasped.

“Guys it’s been ten seasons since I converted to Buddhism...” said Lisa.

“So what do you swear on then? A statue of a Buddha...” asked Blue Haired Lawyer.

“The Tripitaka...” said Lisa. That’s a Buddhist’s holy scripture or teaching text...

“Where can I find that?!” Blue haired Lawyer sighed.

“In a Buddhist temple like the local one I attend. We get monks attending now!” said Lisa.

Blue haired lawyer left.

“While he’s gone I might as well continue my story...” said Lisa.

“So I assembled a motley crew of my fellow peers who also had no friends other than each other as victims of a social outcast because of our high intellect...” said Lisa narrating.

In the story she gathered up all the nerds including Martin, Database, Ham, Cosine etc.

“I put them to work writing up the source code.” said Lisa. “They put my patience to work trying to violate Marvel’s trademark calling themselves the Avengers. I explained they needed an original non copyrighted name. Then EMail whined about wanting to be called the Super Friends.”

The nerds were typing code while Enail and Database sung “We are the Super Friends!”

“No you ain’t!” said Lisa.

Suddenly Nelson came in the computer lab of the school and played Angry Birds with the nerds by bowling computer terminals at them.

“I call this game Angry Nerds! Haw Haw!” said Nelson.

“Eureka! That’s it Nelson! Springface can host online gaming!” said Lisa.

“Thanks Lis. Wanna get back together?” Nelson asked.

“No...” said Lisa.

Back in the court room Blue Haired Lawyer arrived exhausted with a copy of the Tripitaka. “Gasp! Now Lisa if you would swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth on the Tripitaka.” said Blue Haired Lawyer.

Lisa did so.

“Now this court case is under oath. Lisa did you create this social network because you have no friends?” Blue haired Lawyer asked.

“No! That’s not true I....” Lisa spluttered.

“May I remind you you are under oath...” Blue Haired Lawyer asked.

“Okay! I admit it! I have no friends!” Lisa yelled.

“Well with that attitude I don’t want to be your friend!” said Cleatus Spuckler.

“Neither do I.” said Brandine. She smoked a crack pipe.

...

“Any way if I may continue...” said Lisa.

In the story of Soringface, Lisa one church morning while her family went to church and her brother Bart went to his cathedral. Lisa went to Richard Gere’s Buddhist temple with zen gardens. True to her word Buddhist monks started attending in their orange robes and sandals with their bald heads. Lisa was meditating among the Buddhist monks.

Busy with her meditation on the weekends and school work and coding her social network on week days she delegates the school Kidz Newz programme and newspaper to Bart and Oscar.

This suits Bart as he can sit in her comfy office chair pretending to be a Bond Villain.

“Goodbye! Mister Bond!” He spoke in a Bond villain voice while stroking Nibbles the school hamster.

“Bart I reall need those-“ Martin asked.

“Silence, Octopussy!” said Bart.

“Bart stop it! You’re not really a Bond villain!” Martin for a very rare moment in his life got annoyed and frustrated at someone.

“Okay don’t have a cow man!” said Bart. “Oddjob! Fire the doomsday laser!”

“Do you expect me to talk?” Oscar asked playing along with Bart’s silliness.

“No Mister Bond! I expect you to die!” Bart replied stroking Nibbles.

Martin and the other kids on Lisa’s newspaper team except Ralph, face palmed at Bart’s antics.

Meanwhile Oscar hires an anime drawing classmate to do cover illustrations for the latest issue of Kidz Newz.

However Lisa wasn’t happy with the result when she got time in her busy schedule to look.

“Son Goku?! Oscar how is Son Goku relevant to the scandal in the cafeteria over Lunch Lady Doris’s hotpot?!” Lisa ranted because someone drew Kid Goku on the cover.

“I dunno. I just thought Austin’s picture of Son Goku as a kid was cool!” said Oscar. My old school’s newspaper had a cartoonist and he drew pictures of Son Goku!

Plot 3[]

Lisa frustrated went back to attending to her website social network. However Nelson was in there playing Angry nerds by catapulting Martin into the other nerds and then bowling computer terminals at them.

“Nelson can I be your friend?” Martin asked.

“The only way you could possibly be my friend is if there was a webpage on Springface that said accept friend request from... and a yes or no box.” said Nelson.

“That’s it! Nelson you’ve just given me an idea for the website’s basic layout!” said Lisa.

“What do I care?” Nelson replied throwing computer terminals at the nerds.

“Nelson stop throwing our equipment...” said Lisa.

...

The court case.

“Now to skip ahead.” said Blue Haired Lawyer. “Your diabolical plan was an instant success.”

“I never said it was diabolical!” Lisa argued.

“Withdrawn!” said Blue Haired Lawyer.

A court artist erased some horns he drew on Lisa.

“The social network quickly United the desperate children of Springfield United.” Lisa narrated.

At school in the flashback.

It was recess and kids everywhere at school were on their devices typing and texting away. Oh! I just got invited to make out with Shauna!” said Jimbo getting a text. “See?” He showed Dolph and Kerney.

“That like went out to 200 other guys...” said Dolph.

Jimbo groaned.

“And seven other girls...” Dolph added.

“Eeeeeeew!” Jimbo groaned.

“Santa’s Little Helper is friends with Snowball II?! Now I’ve seen everything!” said Milhouse.

“Animals using computers?! Oh my god we’re dooooomed!” Oscar overreacted.

“Ha! All my friends have birthdays this year!” said Ralph, well duh!

“Except me.” said Richard. “I was born on February the 29th which only exists every four years.

“That’s not quite how it works Richard...” said Lisa.

Bart laughed. “I just unfriended Skinner!”

Principal Skinner saw he had no Soringface friends. “Oh my! I’m less popular than the hornets nest in the gym!” said Skinner.

In the gym was a nest of angry hornets buzzing around their nest.

“Skinnneeeer!” said Chalmers loudly. “I thought you said you were gonna get rid of that hornets nest!” said Chalmers.

“We’re trading the honey for chalk and yard sticks.” said Skinner.

“Hornets make honey?!” Chalmers asked.

“Yes! Better than Wasps! But not as good as bee honey.” said Skinner.

“Is this how you talk on dates...” said Chalmers.

“Oh I wish my dates were this interesting...” Skinner sighed.

...

At the Simpsons house in their kitchen. Lisa was typing away on Springface. “Hit refresh, refresh... Oh my goodness! I have 1000 friends! And only eight of them are Milhouse! Hmmmmm I should really input code to stop people making sock puppet accounts...” said Lisa.

“Now if only you could get each of those 1000 friends to send you a dollar you’d be a millionaire!” said Bart.

Lisa looked at him in a condescending manner. “Nooooo... I’d only have a thousand dollars! You’re not very good at maths are you, Bart?’

Bart cried tearfully and ran off. “Waaaaaaaaah! Lisa says I can’t count!”

“And I get treated like the special kid...” Hugo sighed as he read a Jules Verne Book.

Marge came in wondering why Bart was crying. “And it’s not just kids on Springface, Moms like myself are on there too!” said Marge. She had posted a cookie recipe.

“Wait grown ups are on this too?!” Lisa asked. “Wait scratch that question I already knew that the first night of Springface when that weirdo got onto it!”

“Yes and now Hugo helped me triangulate his location I’m gonna destroy his kneecaps!” Oscar threatened polishing his shotgun.

Lisa sighed at Oscar’s violent tendencies.

Then Aunt Patty and Selma came in.

“We’ve got to thank you sweetie. We’ve gotten so much more action ever since we uploaded this picture of ourselves!” said Selma.

There was a photo of two incredibly hot blonde women. Oscar had a nosebleed from being aroused and fainted.

“Aunt Selma! That’s not you and Patty!” Lisa explained.

“Sure it is sweetums! You can see us in the reflection of the girl’s sunglasses!” Patty zoomed in on the picture revealing Patty and Selma in the reflection of the hot lady’s sunglasses.

“Oh.” said Lisa.

Homer came in.

“Wow! I’ve created something incredibly popular!” said Lisa.

“And I created something that created something that’s incredibly popular!” said Homer.

“And I created an alcoholic hippo!” said Grampa.

Suddenly a cartoon anthropomorphic hippo in a Hawaiian shirt stumbled in drunk holding a bottle of beer and singing Hungry Hungry Hippos! To Limbo music.

“I don’t know how I did it but Hugo helped with the genetics.” said Abe.

“Oz! I’m sure my Dad was referring to me as an alcoholic hippo in an analogy! Now let me come across as stupid like it went over my head!” said Homer.

“No! Let me be silly!” Oscar whined because he wanted the drunk cartoon hippo to be there.

...

“And so the world of Springface migrated from children to a grownups social network too...” said Lisa in court.

In Moe’s one evening Homer and his friends and even Moe were typing away on their Myphones.

“Wow this website makes it really easy to lie to my wife about how drunk I am!” said Homer. “Dear darling, here I am sitting in Sir Syzlack’s establishment, zero sheets to the wind...” Homer was reading his eloquent text that Marge imagined was being read aloud by Sir Patrick Stewart. “Whiling away the hours until I can come stumbling home to you my dear!”

Marge sighed lovingly. Falling for it hook, line and sinker.

In church that weekend everyone was apparently kneeling in prayer.

“It is most gratifying to see you all kneeling in prayer...” said Lovejoy.

But no one except Marge and the Flanderses were praying. Instead mostly everyone were on their phones posting on Springface.

“Oh dear, Bernice Hibbert keeps liking Bumblebee Man’s posts... that’s how it all starts...” said Lenny typing away.

“Oh why did I make this church a WiFi hotspot...” Lovejoy sighed. “Oh well, can’t beat em, join em.” He got out his Mypad. “Now which muppet am I? Beaker? Well that only seems fair...” said Lovejoy.

...

However Lisa’s website had its downside... everyone was now addicted to it they didn’t want to play at recess anymore.

“Sherri? Terri? Hopscotch? Double Dutch? Patty cake?” Lisa asked but everyone was typing away on their phones. “I have a thousand friends yet I feel even more alone...” said Lisa sighing.

“Wheeeee!” Ralph was playing on a swing.

“I’m trying to set a mood here!” Lisa yelled.

“Wheeeee...” said Ralph sombrely.

...

In court.

“So to sum it all up. Lisa’s Social-network turned into the biggest internet failure since... “ Blue Haired Lawyer chuckled. “Well it’s just there’s been so many your honour! Ask Jeeves anyone?”

Everyone laughed.

Jeeves the butler walked out of court glum and depressed and took a horse carriage home.

Inside after Jeeves left.

“And so Springface became too big to control. Just like the sixty foot baby in my latest novel, the sixty foot baby!” said Blue Haired Lawyer.

“I’ll take two copies!” said Oscar.

“Thank you!” said Blue Haired Lawyer as Oscar paid him for two copies of the book.

Oscar chuckled while reading it. “Hehehehe! Giant baby...”

Meanwhile in another point in time of Springfield. Probably during the Springface conundrum, a giant, precisely sixty foot baby in a diaper was terrorising Springfield with the drooling and the stinky wet diapers and the teething...

“Oz no!” Lisa whined as a giant baby was on the loose in Springfield.

Oscar laughed as the giant baby caused a commotion.

“Any way... some people found unexpected uses for Springface...” said Lisa.

Bart, Milhouse and a few other boys got into a computer lab classroom somehow and whiled away time playing a violent shoot em up Bart created to run on Springface after Lisa made him cofounder.

“Thanks for the head cleaver Bart!” said Milhouse. His character had a crossbow that fires chainsaws at people! Cooool!

A character screamed as a chainsaw launched at him sliced through his skull.

Bart laughed. “Nahahahaha! I just put an IED in this pile of corpses so when Kearney’s avatar goes to loot them he gets a face full of ass shrapnel!” Bart explained.

There were explosions heard from the computer Kearney was at. “Damn! I got ass shrapped!” Kearney groaned.

Bart and Milhouse laughed.

Lisa grimaced wondering why she let Bart host LAN games on her social network.

...

However problems got worse.

Homer and Marge were driving somewhere when a man cut in front of Homer startling him.

“Hey! He cut in front of me! That’s it! I am taking a photo of his licence plate, posting it on Springface and then I’m gonna unfriend him and change his avatar into a picture of a monkey! Hehehehe! Look Marge! I made him into a monkey!”

“Homer put your phone away and pay attention to the road!” Marge yelled.

They had a bad car crash.

“Ooooooh!” Homer groaned as his car was mangled along with another car.

“Now Lisa, tell me one good reason why your social network should not be shutdown?” Blue haired Lawyer.”

“I know it looks bad. And Awful and in cellular and it caused 35 deaths...” said Lisa.

“Aha! So something you created directly or indirectly caused someone’s death!” said Blue Haired Lawyer.

“That’s second degree Manslaughter! Lisa that carries two years in prison!” said Judged Snyder.

“Coooooool!” said Bart.

“Your honour please!” Marge begged.

“But I think I am a reasonable judge. Lisa you must take down your website or else face a custodial sentence!” said Judge Snyder.

“Okay but I was friends with Malcolm Gladwell!” said Lisa.

“Gladwell friends everyone...” said Blue Haired Lawyer.

“Fine...” Lisa complied.

That one sad theme from the Social Network movie played as Lisa shut down Springface forever.

Soon everyone found Springface going offline.

Comic Book Guy watched Springface go offline.

“Well time to get a life!” said Comic Book Guy. He read a Spider Man comic.

Homer tore up his very thin Mapple laptop like it was made of paper and threw the pieces in the bin.

Yeah he broke an expensive device just because he couldn’t go on a certain website anymore.

Lisa was moping in her room when Bart and Milhouse ran past with guns made of Lego making gun noises.

“What? Even without your website we can still imagine violence!” said Bart.

Then Lisa’s friends called her out to play.

“Lisa! Wanna play Marco Polo?” Janey asked.

“Really?” Lisa asked.

“No we meant your Dad... of course we meant you!” said Janey.

Homer ran out in his swimming trunks. “Oh! I’m Marco!”

The little girls screamed and fled.

“Dad no! That’s not appropriate...” said Lisa coming outside in her swimming costume.

Homer sighed and went inside.

We cut to the scene from the Social Network where Justin Timberlake as Mark Zuckerberg and his um friend are in a rowing team rowing down the Thames.

“Help us Larry Summers!” They cried.

“Wonder twins to the rescue!” said two twin superheroes.

The end!

Epilogue[]

Show’s too short, short

There is a cartoon short animated in the same gothic style as Bart’s Dark Stanley story. It tells another potential origin of Bart as a deep voiced narrator reads lines.

In a hospital a nurse gives young Marge and young Homer a small bundle in a blanket. A newborn baby obviously.

But the baby inside was Bart, and in this time line he pulls a very cruel prank. He pretends to be accidentally stabbed with a scalpel and lies lifeless.

Marge is horrified.

However Baby Bart springs to life and laughs deviously.

“Not funny Bart...” said Dark Stanley verse Oscar.

One or two years later when Bart can walk he set fire to his dad’s hair with magnified sunlight from a magnifying glass and gave him when he was running around screaming a can of petroleum that made the flames worse!

Then at school one winter Dark Stanley verse Bart and Milhouse threw a giant snowball at Skinner. But Milhouse got caught in it. Because Bart did not wait until he was out of the way.

Once he was ten. That version of Bart goes to school. At Springfield Elementary.

He is still taught by a Mrs Krabappel. But in this gothic old German fairytale illustrated universe instead of the cafeteria being run by Lunch Lady Doris. It is ran by homicidal chef Dark Stanley!

Bart screamed. “Aaaaaaaagh! Dark Stanley!”

Dark Stanley had been bullied again to the point of snapping and chased students with a hatchet trying to kill them. Bart was lucky to escape.

Those that weren’t so lucky were chopped to pieces and served for lunch the next day in Kids heads stew. A horrid goopy green slime with children’s heads floating in it.

“Hmmmmm! Needs more girl!” said Dark Stanley putting girl heads in it.

Bart had lunch outside. After lunch he pranked with Milhouse. The narrator explaining Bart sometimes pranked Milhouse rather than worked with him.

They went to the shops and brought lots of toilet paper. Oscar wearing a surgical mask yelled at them to stop panic buying the toilet roll because of a pandemic. Mmmmmm! Deadly virus...

They climbed a ladder to the roof. Bart was kept waiting by Milhouse’s bladder. He went to the bathroom basically and Bart was waiting impatiently outside the boys toilet.

Once Milhouse was finished they went back on the roof and TPed the school. Threw toilet paper all over it.

Dark Stanley verse Oscar and Beavis from Beavis and Butthead pulled their sweater/shirt over their heads and bowed to the toilet paper covered school.

“I am Cornholio!” Beavis cried bowing to the school.

“Praise Cornholio!” Oscar chanted bowing to the school.

However a giant monster sized bird for some reason existed and grabbed Bart and Milhouse in its talons.

Bart struggles and squirms as he is taken to a fresh nest. But he was fed a literal diet of worms! The bird stuffed squirming worms in his mouth.

The short ends as if it were told as a story by Skinner to second graders in the library. Skinner’s chair then broke underneath him,

The second graders including Lisa laughed.

“Simpson!!” Skinner yelled.

The end of the end!

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