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The City of New York vs Homer Simpson When Barney leaves Homer's car in New York City Homer has to get it back despite vowing never to return there because of an incident.

Plot[]

One afternoon Moe was bored in his bar. Then he checked his watch. It was almost five in the afternoon.

“Oh! The early evening rush!” said Moe. “Clear out fellas!” He tapped his broom. Suddenly loads of squeaking rats scurried out and left the bar. Just in time for Homer and the others to arrive.

Good evening Moe!” said Homer coming into Moe’s.

“Evening Moe!” said Carl.

“Good morning Moe!” said Barney because he was stupid.

Moe had to explain they would need to start designating a driver as he was getting into trouble with Wiggum over people driving home drunk.

”The Springfield Police have told me that 91% of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys.” said Moe.

Homer and his friends cheer boisterously. “Woooooooo! Yeah!”

“We are going to start having designated drivers.” said Moe.

“Are you kidding me!?” Homer cried.

“We will pick the same way they pick the pope. By drawing a black egg from the egg jar.” said Moe. That’s Masons you fool!

"Everyone take an egg. Whoever gets the black on has to stay sober tonight.” said Moe holding the egg jar.

They then show their eggs. Everyone got a white egg except Barney.

"Nooooo! Screamed Barney. He was holding a black egg.

......

"Wait the black egg was in my pocket the entire time! What is that you're holding Barney?" Moe asked.

"I don't know!" Barney gasped.

Suddenly Screwy Squirrel without his nose appeared. "Hey! That's my nose! Gimme!" He took his nose back and put it on.

"Well that was weird. We'll have to have no designated drivers then." Moe sighed.

Everyone got extremely drunk.

“Everyone! I’m Peter pantless!” Homer yelled drunk with no pants on.

Joey Heatherton ran around naked from the waistline down wearing only a negligee.

The bossy woman with a hair bun came in and was shocked. “So!” she said angry.

“Don’t worry guys I’ll handle this.” said Wiggum drunk. He waltzed up to the lady in a sexy manner.

“Pervert!!” she screamed.

However Barney insisted that his drunkness made him a better driver because he knew he was inebriated. After a tussle with Homer he confiscated his keys.

The lads drunkenly argued where to go.

“I say we go into town.” said Carl.

“No we’re going to a girls college! No wait! The Playboy mansion!” said Barney.

“Guys it’s my car and I say we’re going to the lost city of gold!” said Homer. “Ah drunkenness... sweet, sweet drunkenness...”

They all drunkenly got in Homer's car. However instead of driving everyone home, they smashed up the town and the school... As they drove through the halls.

In the end, the car ended up in New York. By crashing there.

”Hehe, Homer one. New York nothin'.” said Homer drunk. (Steps on destroyed car boot) “D'oh!” He grunted seeing it took damage from the crash.

Barney, Lenny, Carl, Larry and Green hat guy stumbled about drunk groaning from the crash.

"I'm tired. Let's go to bed..." Homer said in a drunk slur.

...

The next morning Skinner was on the news explaining the school had been horribly trashed and would be shut for a while. He blamed it on hooligans.

Lisa was upset the school was shut. However Bart, Hugo and Oscar were overjoyed.

"Yay! No school! Hooray!" The three boys cheered.

Bart, Hugo and Oscar spent the day watching cartoons.

Homer was hungover.

However Homer noticed something important was missing, his car.

Eventually two weeks later there was still no sign of it. He went over to Barney's apartment. He had rigged the videotape for his phone engaged message to play to guests at the door.

"Nobody's here! Nobody's heeeere!" Played the song to the tune of Beethoven's most famous symphony. "Damn it Barney answer the door!" Homer yelled.

"Ok! Ok! What is it Homer?" Barney was clearly hungover again.

"Where's my car?! You promised you'd get it back for me!" Homer yelled.

"How should I know?! We were all wasted that night! I can't even remember it!" Barney explained.

“Grrrrr! You lost my car! I oughta punch you in the face Barney! But I fave to pick up my kids from school...“ said Homer.

“Sorry about your car Homer.” said Barney.

Homer screamed in frustration and stormed off.

...

At home Homer tried to construct a car out of a mattress and junk.

“Homer you are not driving a car you made yourself!” Marge nagged him.

“Marge you can either find fault in everything I do, or you can help knit some car seats.” said Homer.

“Sorry, Sorry...” said Marge backing down. Omg! XD!

Suddenly Lisa barged in with a letter.

"Dear Motorist, your vehicle is illegally parked in the burrough of Manhattan." Lisa read.

"My vehichle!" Homer cried.

"If you do not remedy this malparkage within 72 hours, your car will be thrown into the East River at your expense!" Lisa explained.

“New York is a hellhole! And you know how I feel about hellholes.” said Homer suddenly with a donut head. Devil Ned walked past the garage doing an “I see you” gesture at the Simpsons.

“Dad, you can't judge a place you've never been to.” said Lisa.

“Yeah. That's what people do in Russia.“ said Bart.

”Hey, lay off Mother Russia you capitalist pigs!” said a Russian Kossack.

Bart winced.

"Oh hell no! I'm not going back to New York! Not after last time..." Homer refused.

"Why, when did you go to New York?!" Lisa asked.

"It was a long story when I was just a young student..." Homer recalled being taken advantage of and pick pocketed. Even a cop stole from him.

”Then there was that time I was a street busker.” said Homer.

Homer’s life flashed before his eyes and flashbacked to young Homer wearing many instruments and held a guitar. He was on the streets of New York.

”Hello, everybody. I’m Archie Bell, and I’m also the Drells. I’ve got a new song called “Tighten Up,” and this is the music you tighten up with!” said Young Homer as he started playing as everyone left as an organ grinder chided him.

People angrily yelled and covered their ears as they fled the cacophony.

”Hey, what’s-a matter you? Eh? Gotta no respect! You crazy kid, you chasing away my business-a.” Giuseppe yelled.

”Buzz off, Giuseppe.” Young Homer stopped playing and scolded Giuseppe.

”A-Pepe, go for the face-a!” Giuseppe asked to his monkey.

A-Pepe a young monkey ran up to Young Homer, jumped on him and attacked him in the face.

Young Homer fell over and screamed and played the guitar so fast.

"Oh Homer, it's probably not that bad now..." Marge explained.

Bart laughed. “Monkeys...”

"Give me one good reason why we should go?!" Homer asked.

"Dad, if you don't go, they're going to throw your car into the East River." Lisa reminded him.

Bart burst out laughing.

”Anyway. My day in New York got worse...” said Homer.

Young Homer was mugged of his wallet by a knife wielding mugger. When he asked a cop for help the cop robbed him too.

”Ooooooh!” Young Homer groaned.

”And that's when the CHUDs came at me.” said Homer in the present recounting the story of his youth in New York.

Young Homer screamed as CHUDs, underground lizard people from a Sci Fi movie directed by Douglas Cheek, attacked him.

Oscar laughed hysterically.

”Daaaaaaad! No! Stop making up stuff or referencing pop culture!” Lisa whined.

”Oh, Homer, of course you'll have a bad impression of New York... if you only focus on the pimps and the CHUDs.“ Marge strokes Homer’s back, comforting him.

Oscar laughed. “CHUDs...”

”Mooooooom! Stop encouraging Oz! There’s no flipping CHUDs in New York!” Lisa ranted.

”How about Morlocks?” Oscar asked.

Lisa screamed frustrated in his silliness.

.......

Suddenly there was commotion outside the garage as Comicbook Guy dressed as Galactus was fighting with Orson Welles who was dressed as Unicron.

"I'm telling you that Galactus is the only devourer of planets!" said Comicbook Guy.

"And I'm telling you that Unicron devoured worlds aswell! He gobbled them up like many packets of Mrs Pell's Fishsticks!" Orson Welles argued.

"Ok that's a good enough reason." Homer sighed.

They packed all their stuff needed for a short trip to New York and all of Orson's stuff.

"But I don't want to leave Springfield!" Orson Welles protested.

"Well we don't want you here! Now get in!" Homer made him get in the crowded orange car. Which for plot reasons when there are more than the family in there it gains an extra row. Lisa and Hugo sat at the back with Orson, Maggie sat in Marge's lap at the front and Bart and Oscar sat in the middle row. Bart always has grumpy eyes when sat on his own in the middle row.

Orson spent the whole car journey eating a bag of Rosebud frozen peas and Ms Pell’s Fishsticks.

”Yes. Rosebud country peas. Full of country goodness and green pea ness (penis). Oh wait! That’s terrible! I quit!” said Orson Welles.

Bart groaned head butting the back of Homer’s seat.

...

They arrived at New York by plane after driving to the airport. Then they got a bus from Atlanta.

“That took too long. How come we had to transfer in Atlanta twice?” Bart groaned.

“I just say we should have paid the extra $1.50 and got a bus with restrooms!” Lisa sighed rubbing her back because it was painful.

Hugo groaned while holding himself down below and doing the pee pee dance.

Homer couldn’t feel his legs from Deep Vein Thrombosis. “Hey. Marge, I can't feel my legs. I can't feel my legs!” Homer screamed hitting what he thought were his legs.

“Homer! Homer, those legs belong to the man behind you.” Marge explained.

The extremely tall man who taught Nelson a lesson when he laughed at him, got up and glared down at Homer.

“Hi.” Homer said sheepishly up at him from where he was sitting.

The Simpsons dropped Orson off at Jay Sherman's studio where he was critiquing the new Jurassic Park movie, Jurassic Park 2: Revenge of the raptors.

"Oh geez! You brought Orson here?" Jay sighed.

"Sorry Mr Sherman but he's been driving us nuts!" said Lisa.

"That's it! I'll do a commercial for nuts! And then I will take over the world!"

The Pinky and the Brain theme played.

Oscar started singing to it.

"Oscar don't encourage him..." Bart sighed.

...

After that errand the family agreed to split up and do their own things.

”Woooooow! Look at all these landmarks! Governors Island.... the world trade centre...” said Lisa.

“Look! It's ZZ Top! You guys rock!” said Oscar.

“Eh...” said ZZ Top.

”Oz those were Hasidic Jews...” said Bart.

ZZ Top were according to the wiki, Hasidic Jews.

"Meet me at Central Park by 5:00, but not a minute later ." said Homer. "Once the sun goes down, all the weirdos turn crazy!"

”I’m on to you!!” Homer glared at a man in a tutu.

Plot 2[]

The mayflower arrived through time at Governor Island.

”Here we are people. New York. America.” said the captain.

“Hey immigrants! Beat it! The country’s full!” Oscar yelled from the Statue of Liberty.

”Oz!” Lisa yelled angry with his bigotry.

”You heard the giant green lady. Back in the hull. We’ll try Canada...” said the captain.

The ship left.

Homer waited by his car.

He stuck by his car until the warden would come. However the warden didn't arrive and Homer got hungry.

A khlav kalash kiosk arrived.

"Uh do you sell pizza?" Homer asked.

"No! Only khlav kalash!" said the salesman.

"Ok. Give me one bowl." said Homer paying for it.

"No bowl. Only stick!" said the man as he gave Homer some meat on a stick.

Homer chewed it. It tasted disgusting as he cried out in disgust.

However he ate the entire thing anyway.

"What do you have to was that horrible taste out?" Homer asked.

"Only Mountain Dew and Crab juice." said the salesman. There were muffled klaxons and horns coming from inside his kiosk.

"Ugh! I'll take a crab juice!" Homer gagged.

He had drunk several cans of crab juice. However he needed the bathroom.

"Oh! Do you have a bathroom in there?!" Homer asked holding his crotch.

"No. But because you made me very wealthy today my friend, I'll show you. Go to the top of the towers. There is bathroom." He pointed out the twin towers. As they were zoomed in on an ominous tune played out. And grey clouds were suddenly over head.

"Oh thank you!" Homer ran off to use the bathroom.

...

Meanwhile the family were in a market. Lisa bought a magazine. It costed nine dollars and had a picture of the two towers and the Sun setting on it.

"Aaaaagh!" Oscar screamed when he saw the cover. "It's a sign!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

They then went sight seeing.

”Gee I hope it’s not as bad as your father made out...” said Marge.

There was a man mugging someone, a man in a tutu and New Yorkers going “Ayyyyyyyeeee!”

”Oooooooh!”

And.

”Ah.... Fuggeddaboutit...”

”Ay! How you doin’?” And so on. And they were all greasy haired Italians.

Msrge and the kids winced.

...

Meanwhile Homer was peeing in the bathroom at a urinal by the window when he saw the warden approach his car.

"Do'h!!" Homer screamed. He ran downstairs to his car but the warden had left. He had got another ticket. Homer screamed in anger and kicked the clamp.

He rang up the ticket office. Their next warden wouldn’t arrive for eight hours. Homer tried counting out eight hours.

“Ohhhh! Where’s Lisa when you need her?” Homer whined.

The rest of his family and Oscar were on the underground train.

Lisa was talking to a crazed hobo.

“How about you give me your name and address...” said Lisa.

“Okay. Jesus H Christ...” the hobo was clearly not right in the head as he thought he was Jesus.

“Laser wart therapy. The future is here!” said Marge. “Where’s Bart?”

Bart was in another carriage begging for money.

“People attention please. Unlike you I was born without taste buds! I will now demonstrate.” Bart licked one of the metal poles and gagged in disgust. “I’m never doing at again. Thank you for your time!”

Meanwhile Homer bothered the Italians.

”Ayyyyyyeeee!”

”Ooooooooh!”

”My grinder!”

”Whatsa matter with you?!”

”Shut up....” Homer groaned at them.

Elsewhere...

“Are we still in Little ltaly?” Bart asked Marge.

“Actually, I think we're in Chinatown now.” said Marge.

“Only in New York...” Bart sighed.

”Mmmmmmmm.... Chinese food...” Oscar drooled.

“Mom, are those rabbits dead?” Lisa was horrified to see dead rabbits hanging up in a restaurant window.

”No. No, Lisa. They're just sleeping... upside down and inside out....” said Marge. “Bart, no fireworks! Put that back!“ Bart was holding a sparkling firework.

“You're the boss.” said Bart tossing it back into the box at a firework shop with the other fireworks.

There was a huge explosion. “Oh, no! Chinese fire drill! Serious this time!” A Chinese man cried.

”Cooooool!” said Oscar.

...

Homer did nothing particularly interesting this whole episode. Oh he went to a bagel store and had a bagel.

”Mmmmmmm.... bagel...” he moaned with joy.

...

“Look at all those beautiful shoes.” said Marge shoe shopping. Bart was bored. Hugo was disgusted.

”I know they're made from animals, but wow! lf only I didn't already have a pair of shoes.“ said Lisa forgetting her vegetarianism.

“Speaking of shoes, Oscar needs a pair of church shoes.” said Marge.

”I don't care about shoes.“ said Hugo standing on the hot sidewalk barefoot.

”Yes we know Hugo...” Bart sighed. “I'll meet you ladies back here in half an hour.” He ran off. Yes he went off alone...

“Okay, Dad.” said Picard Simpson. Goddamnit! You’re not in this episode!

“Stay where I can see you, honey.” Marge called after Bart.

Bart found the MAD Magazine building.

“MAD Magazine?” He gasped with joy. He went inside and found a receptionist.

“Oh! Excuse me. Is this MAD Magazine?” he asked her.

lNo, it's Mademoiselle. We're buying our sign on the instalment plan.” said the miserable grouch.

“Seriously though, my name is Bart Simpson. My father has a subscription. I'd like the grand tour, please.” said Bart.

“Listen, kid, you probably think lots of crazy stuff goes on in there. But this is just a place of business.” said the grumpy receptionist.

”Oh. Okay.“ Bart sighed going to leave.

But suddenly the ugly MAD cover mascot came out of a room with pies being thrown about and spring snakes and goofy noises. “Get me Kaputnik and Fonebone! I wanna see their drawings for the 'New Kids on the Blech.' (Oh god! He’s referencing future episodes!) And where's my furshlugginer pastrami sandwiches?“ said the MAD Magazine mascot.

”Wow! I will never wash these eyes again.” said Bart in awe.

...

Meanwhile the rest of the family now minus Bart went to a Broadway musical.

”Kicking it.” Lisa read the musical that was on.

”You know, when I was a little girl, I always wanted to go and watch a broadway musical.” said Marge.

Despite her forgetting when they go back to New York later in Moonshine River They go and see a musical.

I think it’s the one with the Robert Downey Jr looking guy with shadowy eyelids from a heroin habit singing “I’m checking iiiiiiin!” When a judge let’s him off for drunk driving because his famous sand sends him to celebrity rehab.

“How do you find the defendant?“ said the judge as the Robert Downey Jr guy wearing sunglasses was on trial.

“He's guilty of mayhem, exposure indecent...” A lady plaintiff sang.

”Mmmmmm... indecent exposure...” Oscar drooled.

Lisa winced at him.

“Freaked-out behavior both chronic and recent...” sang a lawyer.

Hugo growled.

“Drinking and driving, narcotics posession...” sang the lady plaintiff.

Robert Downey Jr shook his head.

“And that's just page one of this ten-page confession.” sang the prosecutor.

“I should put you away where you can't kill or maim us,“ said the judge in rhythm. “But this is L.A. and you're rich and famous.“ he sang and the set spun round. Robert Downey Jr was now in the Betty Ford clinic.

“I'm checkin' in.” He sang and took off his sunglasses. He had bags under his eyes from all the drugs.

“He's checkin' in.” Everyone sang.

“I'm checkin' in.“

“Checkin', checkin' in.”

“No more pills or alcohol,”

“No more pot or demerol,“

“No more stinkin' fun at all.“

“I'm checkin' in.”

“He's checkin' in.“

“He's checkin' in.”

This musical is really corny....

“No more lookin' pale and thin,“

“No more bugs beneath your skin.” a doctor sang.

“Hey, that's just my aspirin!” Robert Downey Jr sang as nurses took his aspirin.

“Chuck it out!“

“You're checkin' in!“

”When I grow up. I want to go to the Betty Ford clinic!” said Oscar. Oz it’s a celebrity drug rehab!

”Well you better save up then, I hear these places are expensive!” said Marge.

“Shhhhh! They’re strapping down Liza Minnelli!” said Lisa. WTF?! XD!

”Mama! Mama why won’t you love me?!” Liza Minnelli cried. Because Liza Minnelli and her mother Judy Garland don’t get on very well.

...

Homer then tried to drive the car with the clamp but held up traffic. Everyone was angry and beeping their horns.

“Hey get out of the road you maniac!” People yelled.

”Move it asshole!”

Homer asked them to be patient and got out and borrowed a jack hammer. He drilled the clamp off and damaged his car in the process. He then drove off to the angry crowd still yelling at him.

He impatiently collected his family plus Oscar and Hugo from a horse ride and drove them home in the wrecked car.

"What a magical place. Can we come back next year, Dad?" Lisa asked.

Garbage flew into Homer's face splattering over him. "We'll see honey...we'll see." Homer was dangerously angry with cold fury. He would snap any moment.

”Eeeeeeew...” Oscar groaned at the sight of Homer covered in garbage.

More garbage flew in his face. Seagulls then pecked at him.

Bart was secretly drawing his father getting hit in the face with garbage and pecked by seagulls in his sketchbook.

Plot 3[]

This is where the episode ends but here’s more zany adventures in New York!

After seeing the Kickin It musical Marge and the kids reunited with Bart.

”Bart I told you not to go off on your own!” Marge said vexed as he arrived. “Anyway what did you see while you were off gallivanting?”

”I saw the guy who’s face is on the MAD magazine covers.” said Bart.

Woody Allen was dumping his garbage out the window and stuttering.

The garbage splattered on the sidewalk nearby. Hugo sniffed it and ate from the garbage.

”Eeeeeew! Hugo...” Oscar groaned.

They then went back to China Town.

”I’m starving...” Bart groaned.

Oscar snapped his fingers and racist caricatures of Chinese men, rice pickers with cymbal hats, buck teeth and long moustaches, and Qing dynasty dressed Chin Kees with buck teeth danced about.

”Oz I’m hungry! I didn’t ask to see that!” Bart ranted.

Oscar sighed and banished the racist caricatures.

Then the following fictional characters.

”Look! Macaulay Caukin!” said Oscar.

”Oh no I’m Home Alone again! In New York! Aaaaaaaaagh!” Kevin screamed.

”Look! Fievel Mousekewitz!” said Hugo.

”What a coincidence! I’m lost too! After I fell off a ship my family were sailing on because they believe there’s no cats in America.” said Fievel Mousekewitz.

A fat fluffy cat ate him.

Bart winced.

The End!

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