Simpsons Fanon

The Apusons Homer gets Apu fired for serving him poisoned Beef Jerky so Apu lives with the Simpsons. Chaos insues. Then James Woods takes over the Kwik e mart.


The Chalkboard gag is “I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.”


One afternoon Homer goes to Apu's store to buy some snacks.

There is a long line of people being ripped off by Apu.

“How much for a 29 cent stamp?”

“That’ll be $1.85.” said Apu. Uh no. It’s twenty nine cents!

“I need two dollars of gas.”

“That’ll be four dollars twenty!” said Apu.

“How much for this penny candy?” Martin asked.

“Surprisingly expensive!” said Apu.

“What a rip!” Martin left his candy and left.

Hugo jabbered and put a pack of fish fillets on the till.

”8 dollars 50 Bart!” said Apu.

”I am Hugo! And that is a scam! Garrrrrrbbllllbbll grrrrrr!” Hugo said sharply and growled as he left without his fish fillets.

“This is what I think of your store!” A man yelled mangling a Twinkie and tossing it on the floor. Before leaving.

“Silly man! You cannot hurt a Twinkie!” said Apu putting the twinkle back.

He then smelt the ham. His reaction suggest it was long expired, “whooo! Jiminy Cricket! This time I have gone too far!” said Apu.

“When you wish upon a star! It doesn’t matter who you arereeee!” Jiminy Cricket from Pinocchio sung.

“No Disney references! Stupid narrator!” Homer yelled.

“But who would even be stupid enough to-“ Apu pondered over the expired ham.

“Wooooo! Ancient meat!” said Homer eating the expired ham.

He eats some expired ham However he is very sick with food poisoning. “Gah! Stomach churning! Insides hurling! Must finish!”

Sirens on an ambulance rang and Homer found himself in hospital being treated by Dr Hibbert and his family and Oscar by his bed side.

“Ahehehehe! Well Homer’s illness is either the result of ingesting spoilt food or a voodoo curse! Ahehehehe!” said Dr Hibbert.

Bart was chanting in some sort of language while holding a Homer voodoo doll and sticking pins in it.

“Bart! Stop that!” said Marge scolding him for invoking voodoo magic.

"I hope this wasn't caused by you trying to eat another giant hoagie sandwich..." Marge sighed.

"No the only thing I ate yesterday that wasn't home cooked was some weird ham from Apu's." Homer groaned.

He then watched Kent Brockman's helpline for solving small crimes such as a shopkeeper selling expired food etc. There is a cartoon detective dog as the mascot barking the logo.

”Wow that dog can sell anything...” said Homer.

“Good evening. Here's an update on last week's nursing-home exposé, "Geezers in Freezers."” said Kent. “It turns out the rest home was adequately heated. The footage you saw was of a fur-storage facility.”

“Ooooooooooooooh!” Homer groaned loudly. “Marge the story was just a hoax! Now can we send my cantankerous old Dad back home!”

”Oh! You don’t even love me!” Abe whined as he wandered about the house smoking a pipe and wearing slippers.

“We've also been told to apologize for using the term "geezers." Now, coming up next, "The Case of the Cantankerous Old Geezer."” said Kent. “Oh crap!” He cursed when he realised he had said Geezer again.

Homer was groaning very ill from food poisoning.

“Ugh.... stupid parasites!” Homer groaned. Inside him were space parasites from that Simpsons comic where they reference Lost in Space hopping about in Homer’s stomach.

"Dad, you should call up, that programme could help you." said Lisa.

"Sssssh! The dog on the TV is barking!" Homer told her to be quiet.

There was barking from the TV programme.

"And now John Travolta in -" followed by a long string of barks.

Lisa sighed.

However Homer did go on the program. Kent gave him instructions to just go into Apu's as usual and act naturall. His crew gave him a giant novelty hat with a camera inside.

Homer stumbled into Apu's because of the heavy hat. He was warned to hurry up as the hat could cripple him because it was so heavy.

"Good afternoon Apu, I'll have my usual." said Homer.

"A six pack of Duff and a bucket of ice cream with mince pies added. Here you go Mr Simpson." said Apu. "And that is a fantastic hat you're wearing!" said Apu.

"Uh yeah, I've just been to a Texas steakhouse and won the all you can eat competition." said Homer.

"Oh Mr Simpson! You and your love of gorging on food!" Apu laughs. "Mind you your hat is buzzing for some reason. I think there's a bee in there..."

"Ahhhhh! Bee!" Homer screams. He throws off the hat and stomps on it before running off.

Kent is cross with him. The hat was very valuable.

"Homer, that hat was one day away from retirement!" Kent was annoyed at him for breaking the hat.

"Wait sir! The hat is still got a visual!" said a camera worker.

Apu had just dropped a hotdog. It now had dirt and hair on it from the floor. "Oops! Back to the hotdog cooker for you! This'll be our little secret smashed hat!" said Apu.

"Bingo!" Kent said joyfully.


Homer went to Apu's again another day to complain that something made him sick.

"Oh dear. Please accept this bucket of shrimp I've had for who knows long. It's really starting to smell!" said Apu.

"Okay. I think I'll save a few to throw at Bart for fun." said Homer. "He's allergic...!" Homer added under his breath.

We then cut to an ambulance taking someone to the hospital. That someone is Homer.

"I've never seen someone eat so much expired seafood before!" said a paramedic observing Homer.

Homer groaned.

Meanwhile a health official came to Apu's store. He was cross with Apu.

"Mr Nahasapeel-Ah whatever your name is! I've received word you're selling expired meat products and selling hotdogs that have fallen on the floor! You're fired!" said the health official.

"Fired?! Oh Lord Ganesh! Whyyyyyy?!" Apu cried.

"Now get out of my store!" The health official demanded. The head health official pressed Apu against the wall and handcuffed him, arresting him for health code violations. 

"Sir, I need to see your food handling and vending license." The health official demanded. 


Homer was up one stormy night watching a black comedian comparing how white and black people drive.

”So is black guys drive like this!” He does MC Hammer sounds while driving while leaning back in his chair. “And white guys drive like this!” He sings random noises while leaning forward to play a short sighted white driver.

People in the audience laugh.

"It's funny because it's true!!" Homer laughs.

Meanwhile a scary possessed Apu is watching the Simpsons house.... The doorbell rings.

"Just a sec." Homer answers the door. Apu is there with his arms outstretched as if he's about to throttle Homer. Homer screams.

The Simpsons seeing Apu possessed, scream too.

”The power of Vishnu compels you! The power of Vishnu compels you!” Oscar tossed holy water at him.

Later Apu is welcomed in and has told the Simpsons his plight. They actually feel sorry for him.

“Yeah you made our dad sick.” said Bart. “Although I’m sure this is a valuable lesson Homeboy, not to stuff your face.” said Bart.

“Why you little bastard!” Homer snapped, as he went for the boy.

“Hey, don’t have a sacred cow, man!” said Bart putting a clever twist on his catchphrase.

“Please Bart, do not mock my religion in your smart Aleck remarks!” said Apu, disappointed.

"I hope you have learned a valuable lesson now Mr Apu not to cut corners by selling expired products to gullible customers." said Lisa.

"It's true! I'll never sell another dirty hotdog or expired Twinkie ever again!" Apu cried. "My food vending license has been revoked!"


For the sake of comedy, Apu lives with the Simpsons for a while.

"Here's a security tape of when I went insane from doing a ninety six hour shift and briefly thought I was a hummingbird!" said Apu. "It was horrible! By the end I even tried to drink nectar from my brother Sanjay's head!" The Simpsons watch footage of Apu gliding across the store going "Eeeeeeeeee!" and acting like a hummingbird.

Oscar laughed hysterically.


Then Apu made dinner.

"Much more nutritious and authentic then those Indian takeaways I wager Simpsons!" said Apu as he served Dinner.

Marge tried some. "Oh my! So pungent!" We hear Lisa hyperventilating because her food is too spicy. "Oh lord! Lisa, is your food too spicy?"

"I can see through time!" Lisa cried, squinting from the heat.

Suddenly we cut to live footage of Doctor Who "The Parting of Ways" because Oscar recorded Doctor Who over the episode...

"No Rose! You looked into the time vortex! No one's ever supposed to see that!" said the Ninth Doctor lamenting as the time energy was burning her.

"Oscar, what the hell was that?!" Bart yelled as we cut back to the Simpsons.

"Oh I must have accidentally recorded Doctor Who over this episode! Pretty relevant to Lisa's spice induced babbling though. Huh?" Oscar replied.

"Well I think Apu's cooking is delicious! In fact it could use a little more spice." said Homer. He sprayed pepper spray over his food. "Mmmmmm! Incapacitating. Uuuuhhhhh!" Homer moaned joyfully before getting swollen pink eyes.


Then they watched a movie, an Indian movie...

"This got the highest Indian film award. A bit like your Oscars..." said Apu.

There was an Indian lady singing "Lalalala! I'm in love with Lovely Johnny!"

Then there was a scene of an Indian bare chested man breaking into a palace through the window while three princes sat. He said something in Hindi that sounded like "Good day, Gummy day!" before they glanced at each other and then suddenly got up and danced!!

"This movie you rented sucks!" Bart groaned, shaking his head.

"No it doesn't! It's funny! Their clothes are different from my clothes! Ah! Look at them! Hehehehe!" Homer laughed hysterically.

The Simpsons then went to bed only to be kept up by Apu crying.


Meanwhile the health officials were trying to hire a new shopkeeper. However they were all awful until James Woods appeared.

"So what is your previous employment?" The official asked.

"Well I was Hades, lord of the underworld in Disney's Hercules and then I lived in Quohog, Rhode Island..." said James Woods.

Then this was his response in canon that was no where near as funny as my Disney and Family Guy references...

“Ooh, uh, gee, True Believer, uh, Salvador (Dali!), Onion Field, The Hard Way.“ See? The only thing remotely funny was me adding Dali to Salvador so it looks like he was in a movie about Salvador Dali...

"Hey wait a minute! Those sound like movies! You're an actor aren't you?!"

James Woods gives a shrug and a modest response.

"You're famous actor James Woods! I love your work!" said a health official.

"But why are you applying for a job at a convenience store?" asked a health official.

"Well I'm currently starring in a movie as a tightly wound up convenience store clerk and need to get into the role!" said James Woods.

"Okay, you're hired!" said the health official.

James Woods started work immediately. However on his first night he was serving Jimbo Jones and asked him if he sounded authentic as a convenience store clerk.

"You've got to lose yourself in the moment!" Jimbo explained.

”Yo James Woods! You gotta lose yourself in the moment and never let it go!” Eminem was rapping in the background.

"Okay let's try this again. I'm gonna me and you're you." said James Woods.

"I'm me?" Jimbo asked.

"Don't get smart with me kid." said James Woods.

Plot 2[]


The Simpsons try to cheer Apu up with a sing a long. They sing Who needs the Kwik e mart.

However that night Apu is on the roof crying again.

"Hey! He's not happy at all! He's sad!" said Homer.

The next day Bart went to the Kwik e mart to find James Woods working there. He was getting angry with Pain and Panic because they were spilling things.

"I am this close to crushing that bozo Jerkules and you are wearing his merchandise?!" He turns into Hades.

We hear Pain slurping a squishee.

"Thirsty?" asked Pain.

"Nyaaaaaaaaaaaarghh!" Hades screamed in anger and turned red hot with firery hair.

"Gee don't have a moussaka man!" said Bart as he waited to be served.

"Okay, chill out Hades... Hey I'm Hades, lord of the underworld and this convenience store. I'm also James Woods. Now what would you like young man?" Hades asked.

"A raspberry squishee please." Bart paid for a squishee. "So what's it like running a convenience store?"

"Eh, beats running the underworld which is rather dark and cold and hey, full of dead people." said Hades serving his squishee.

"Uh huh. Haven't I seen you about Rhode Island. You're in the 'Family guy' universe..." said Bart as he paid for the squishee.

"Uh yeah, I don't like to talk about that. That Peter Griffin makes me so mad! Trap me in a box will you?!" Hades ranted.

"Uh I have to go..." said Bart. He left in a hurry.


One evening at the kwik-e-Mart James Woods as himself and not one of his characters was cleaning out an oven of cheese stuck to the inside while on the phone to his agent.

"Wait Ricky... I'm no longer a tightly wound up convenience store clerk but a jittery Eskimo fire fighter?! How is that anything like a convenience store clerk?! Uh huh... that sort of explains it..." said James Woods. "Well, I've got to give up my place here then. Whattya mean I've got to give two weeks notice?! (Is struggling to scrape off some dried cheese.) Why you no good mother(bleep)ing-! No I wasn't talking to you Ricky, I was speaking to my oven- Hello? Ricky?! Aw nuts!"

Apu tried to get a job elsewhere in Jobs his people would stereotypically do such as an annoying telephone operator. He was very good at being annoying.

"Please hold, your call is important to us." said Apu. However his customer was Homer who was screaming expletives down the phone in anger at being stuck on a phone queue.

Elsewhere Oscar was on the phone in a phone booth to his friend Stewie.

"Oh for the love of-! Oscar you don't want James Woods working in your town! I should know he constantly annoyed Brian and the fat man!" Stewie ranted down the phone.

"Yeah he started getting a crazy stalkerish obsession with me when we became friends..." said Peter.

"And then he stole your identity Peter and ruined my novel!" said Brian.

"Oh about that novel Brian..." said Stewie.

"Oh crap... Stewie I can hear you doing your Brian's novel jabbering squeaky voice, shut it or I'll come over there and kick your ass!" Oscar yelled down the phone.

"Oh really? Would you like some cool hwip with that tantrum?" Stewie said with a smirk.

Oscar screamed and put down the phone immediately.


Early evening Homer is astonished Apu is doing all the cruel chores he assigned to the kids to do.

”Where’s Apu?” Homer asked.

”Right now he’s outside raking leaves.” said Bart.

”What?! That was your job to do!” Homer gasped.

”Yeah but that was boring! So I got out all of our rakes and laid them on the sidewalk outside the front of the house so my mortal enemy Sideshow Bob will step on them.” said Bart.

”Next he’ll be chopping wood! Which is Lisa’s job!” Homer gasped.

”Dad! It’s cruel to make a small child chop wood!” Lisa whined.

”Go chop wood now!” Homer snapped at Lisa.

The Simpsons were having dinner with Apu again. Bart explained Apu taught him how to tie himself up in knots like a double jointed Indian street performer. "Look Lisa! I'm a pretzel!" said Bart. They all laughed. "The only problem is I'm stuck like this!" Bart groaned.

Marge sighed. "Oh dear..."

Oscar was lying down on a bed of nails. “This bed of nails is actually pretty comfortable. He got up to get a drink “but I need a drink because my mouth is dry.” He drunk a glass of water but water poured out of holes all over him like in a cartoon.

“And Apu taught me to breath fire!” said Homer breathing fire. He then breathed fire at Bart causing him to flee in fear. “Burn Barty, burn!” He yelled as he tried to burn Bart with his fire breath. Bart screamed and ran away.

Marge sighed.

Then Lisa’s curry was too spicy again as she hyperventilated.

“Oh Lisa are you alright?” Marge asked.

“I can see through time!” said Lisa in a high voice in pain from the spicy food.

“Holy crap, she’s in her Bad Wolf form again!” said Oscar as Lisa glowed with harmful time energy and floated.

“Uh I’m sure that was a Dune reference...” said Apu.


Apu then regaled the Simpsons with fantastic tales about how intelligent he was. “I can even recite pi up to 40 places!” said Apu.

”Mmmmmmmm! Pie...” Homer moaned joyfully.

”Mmmmmm! Pi...” Hugo moaned joyfully. He’s making an early cameo because his obsession with pi is hilarious.

”And I can speak 7,000 languages!” said Apu.

”Just like C3PO!” said Homer.

”No Mr Homer. C3PO is fictional robot from England! I am from India!” said Apu.

”Oh big deal! In the film Chaplin, that I had a small cameo in. I actually traveled back in time to the 20s...” said James Woods.

”Yeah sure...” said Oscar.

”That’s somewhat concerning...” said Hugo as he dabbled in time travel enough to know certain people weren’t responsible enough to be allowed to time travel.


In the kitchen Apu arranges the cans of sweetcorn in a pyramid.

“Apu, we usually store our cans in the cupboard.” said Marge.

”Oh, they'll never move that way.“ said Apu.

“Mmm! Corn! Haven't had that in a while.” said Lisa taking a can of corn.

”Yeah! Delicious corn.“ said Bart also taking a can of corn.

“Garrrrrrglblblblbl! Bleh! Mmmmmrrrrrrblbl!” Hugo said in garbled growls and muttering as he also took a can of corn.

(Together) “Bye.” said the kids going off somewhere with cans of corn.

”Hm. Oh, we're low on milk for Maggie. (Marge looked in the fridge) You wanna come with me to the Kwik-E-Mart?” Mare asked Apu. He spilt the cans of corn in shock.

“Please, Mrs. Simpson. I-- I cannot go there. That is the scene of my spiritual depantsing.” said Apu.

“Umm, well, I guess we could go to that new Monstromart.” said Marge.

We cut to a grey supermarket called Monstromart. “We’re compensating.” said the building. XD!

Music in the store played.

“Ooh! That's a good price for 12 pounds of nutmeg.” said Marge buying an enormous bag of nutmeg.

“Ooh! Great selection and rock-bottom prices. But where is the love?” Apu asked. No Oz you can’t do a Black Eyed Peas gag, they don’t exist yet...

(P.A) “Attention, Monstromart shoppers. Just a reminder that we love each and every one of you.” said the P.A announcements.

“Aww!” Everyone cooed.

“Hm! Excuse me, ma'am. Where are the lampshades?” Barney asked a life size bottle of Mrs Butterworths syrup. She didn’t respond. That would be silly. “Ma'am?” He shook the bottle and knocked it over. Syrup poured out, “Oh no! I've killed her! It's all happening again!” He’s killed someone before?! (Barney sobbing and screaming as he heads to the giant bottles of cranberry juice.)

”Mm-hmm.“ Marge is shopping.

Crash! Something, obviously the cranberry juice bottles shattered because Barney ran into them. (Marge and Apu gasp) Apu runs taking Marge swiftly by her hand with him as they flee the flood of cranberry juice heading towards them in a tidal wave.

“Help me! Help me! (gurgling) Mmm! It's cran-tastic!” said Barney as he was washed away. He’s hilarious in this episode.

Oscar found an enormous round soft cheese then he saw a trolley. He had a mischievous idea.

“Wheeeeeee!” He rode the trolly.

(Dramatic music) a stinger trumpet jingle played as he winced in horror as he was heading towards the huge round soft cheese. He leapt off of the trolly. It was engulfed and swallowed up by the cheese with a visible dent where it went in. Oscar shrugged and went off whistling nonchalantly.

”Sir, it happened again...” Squeaky Voiced Teen called to his boss when he saw the cheese with a trolley stuck in it.

Meanwhile Apu and Marge debated using the express lane. It had fewer customers but Abe/Grampa was at the front holding everyone up telling boring stories. A regular lane had more customers but they were all single men. Not interested in idle chatter as they quickly paid and left one after the other.


The Simpsons are eating Indian cooked freshly by Apu again.

Bart breathed fire crying because it was too hot.

”I can see through time!” Lisa squeaked. She was Bad Wolf Rose Tyler again. Or making a Dune reference.

”Don’t be such babies! It doesn’t hurt to try something new.” said Homer. “Like this thing!” Homer was looking at a napkin.

”Mr Homer, that’s a napkin.” said Apu.

”Dad you vowed never to try anything new again after you nearly died of Fugu poisoning. (Porcupine fish)” said Lisa.

”And I am a baby... I’m two!” said Oscar in a high chair.

(All Gobbling, Gulping) They resume eating like pigs. Even Hugo.

“Pass the chutney.” Homer murmured as Bart passed him the chutney.

“Apu, you've been so helpful. If it weren't for him, we'd still be in line at the Monstromart.” said Marge in between eating.

“And he taught me how to play the shehnai.” said Lisa playing an Indian woodwind instrument.

♪ (Shrill Notes)

(Shudders) “That's even worse than the album Grampa released.” Homer shuddered.

”Hey! That was a great album!” Grampa yelled.

”And he taught me how to do this. (Grunting) Bart tied himself up in a knot again. “I got out of school, 'cause I told 'em I was mangled in a car wreck.”

“Hmmmmm! Homer you need to be more vigilant and aware of Bart trying to get off of school!” Marge said annoyed.

”Thank you all for the kind praise.“ said Apu.

”Well Apu. You’re a kind and helpful man. Yes you made a grave mistake at the cost of my husband’s health but I don’t think you did it maliciously and I’m sure he doesn’t hold it against you.” said Marge.

Homer was staring daggers at Apu.


Homer and Oscar were watching Kent’s Take a Bark out of crime detective dog mascot barking again.


“And now a message from the Church of Latter-day Saints.” said Kent. That’s the Mormons!! Hehehehe!


“No! I will not wear magic underwear and have multiple wives!” Oscar argued with the TV.

”Shhhhh! The TV is speaking.” said Homer.


Oscar winced.

Homer wanted Hugo in the attic. Oscar persuades him otherwise. Probably with threats of violence.

”Okay. Okay. But you owe me a Chipwich.” said Homer.

Oscar being British thought he meant chip shop chips. He got him a chip sandwich.

”No! Potato chips!” Homer yelled. Oscar was confused. “What you call crisps!”

”Oh! A crisp sandwich...” said Oscar.

Homer sighed.

He then spoke with Apu while Apu was cleaning.

“I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.” said Homer.

”Mr Homer your hostility to your neighbour strikes me! However I too find Mr Flanders infuriating. He simply insists on trying to convert me to Christianity. I like my many gods thank you very much!” said Apu.

Plot 3[]


At the Simpsons. Marge and Homer had tea with Apu. Oscar made and poured the tea into his tea set. Stupid Limey.

“Bart went to therapy today.” said Marge. In later episodes in canon apparently Bart’s behaviour got so bad he had to attend therapy. In my fanon what with Oscar constantly interfering to make Bart get what he wants, I’m not surprised he attends therapy, especially after Treehouse of Horror II...

“Oh, that's wonderful! How did it go?” Homer asked.

“His therapist had to get a therapist.” Marge sighed. Basically he drove the therapist insane that he or she has to attend therapy now.

”D’oh!” Homer groaned.

”Mr and Mrs Simpson I feel at loss for something to do? How may I help?” said Apu.

”Well.. You can help change Maggie.” said Marge.

”Oh by the trunk of Ganesh I’m sorry but I’ve smelt the foulest stenches from your daughter’s diapers many times when you asked to use my store bathroom for free!” said Apu.

”Ok. I’ll change Maggie and you can change Oscar’s diaper.” said Marge.

Marge was changing Maggie while Apu changed Oscar.

”Oh and Oscar you can mow the lawn.” said Homer.

Marge frowned.

”Homer I’m a baby. I don’t do chores. I’m gonna be commandeering the lounge and watching cartoons.” said Oscar as Apu changed his diaper.

Homer growled frustrated.

”Homer you are not making the baby do chores!” Marge nagged.

”Uh I have a name...” said Oscar as Apu taped up his clean diaper by sticking down the sticky tabs tightly.

After having his diaper changed. Oscar pulled up his shorts and went downstairs and watched TV. Disney Afternoon was on again so he watched a marathon of Bonkers D Bobcat, Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers and Marsupilami etc.

While he was watching the scene from Disney’s The Little Mermaid episode Beached where Ebb the crocodile is stuck in sea slug slime on repeat in order to get aroused. Oscar called Butters from South Park to come over.

”No not doing anything except watching Disney cartoons.” said Oscar with his hands down his shorts...


Butters sang American folk songs or campfire songs.

“De Camptown ladies sing dis song, Doo-dah! doo-dah! De Camptown race-track five miles long, Oh, doo-dah, doo-dah, day!“ Butters sang.

Oscar laughed.


At Moe’s.

Raziel from Soul Reaver was drinking at Moe’s for some reason.

”Hey Bluey! You haven’t touched your beer all night.” said Moe.

”I’ll swallow your soul!” said Raziel menacingly.

”You were just dying to make a The Evil Dead Quote... weren’t you, mysterious author...” Moe sighed.

Um yeah...

”You’re my best friend Bluey...” Homer slurred drunk.

Raziel was agitated.

”Which Smurf are you?” Homer asked.

Raziel showed his face at Homer, where his jaw fell off...

Homer screamed.

Elsewhere Oscar tried to bring a magic 8 ball to divination class. The professor wasn’t impressed.

He also insisted on having a piranha as a Wizard school pet. I don’t think even Hogwarts allows that...

”Also at Wizard school there’s this elf kid, no not forest elves or Christmas elves... (He says with a silly grin) A blue skinned elf. Well you see, he still wears water wings when swimming. Like me.” said Oscar.

Marge grimaced baffled by Oscar’s rambling. “That’s nice dear.”

Oscar hummed while watching cartoons.

Elsewhere Peter Griffin tricked James Woods into a box with Reese’s Pieces and sent him to the Top Men from Indiana Jones. Ie the storage space seen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark where the Ark is kept.

Then Snake was on vacation or something so a serious shoplifter was holding the till work at gun point. He had no time for surfer talk as he was serious and dangerous. He shot James Wood just to show he is serious to the point even the celebrity guest is in mortal danger.

”Aaaaagh! That guy means business! Unlike Snake!” Homer at the Kwik e Mart screamed. “Also a Smurf wants to eat my soul!”

”For the last time I’m not a Smurf!” Raziel yelled.

At the Simpsons.

Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma came round. They hugged their nieces and nephew.

”Aunt Patty.... I...need...air!!” Bart wheezed as Aunt Patty hugged him too tightly.

Selma was confused as to why Apu was staying with the Simpsons. “Why is the convenience store owner here? Is he hiding from the deportation authorities?”

“No he lost his job from selling Dad some expired ham and got caught.” said Lisa.

”He is sorry though.” said Oscar.

”Oh you don’t need to apologise Apu.” said Selma. Hmmmm! If that ham had killed the fat lard you’d be doing us a favour! Oh well...

”Well we have five reels of film of our latest vacation to Easter Island.” said Patty holding old reels of film.

The kids groaned.

”Yeah you put on a movie night. I’m gonna be entertaining myself and Apu with Brummie accented cartoon sand monsters.” said Oscar heading towards the kitchen.

”Um okay...” said Bart.


We have a pan over of the kids bored in the darkened living room as their aunts Patty and Selma show them their holiday photos...

Meanwhile in the backyard Oscar has summoned a cartoon sand monster with a Brummie accent. Or a medieval headsman accent. The sand monster seems annoyed.

”That really glazes my donuts!” said the sand monster.

Hades from Disney’s Hercules arrived in a puff of smoke.

”Hey Hades here, lord of the underworld oh and the Kwik e Mart. Here’s your magazine subscription.” He gave Oscar a magazine he was subscribing to every week.

Oscar giggled. “It’s funny because he’s Hades...”


  • James Woods guest stars.