Simpsons Fanon

Stop the World! I Have to Poop! Set during the Blunder years Oscar YouTube poops the episode, Marge and Homer imagine product mascots talking to them and something about Mr Smithers’s father.


The chalkboard gag is “I am not Charlie Brown on Acid.”

The couch gag is the Simpsons doing a Matrix dive before sitting on the couch.

“There is no spoon...” said Oscar dressed as Neo.

The episode starts with Marge coming home from doing the shopping and unpacking in the kitchen. “I love putting away groceries Maggie, it’s like unwrapping presents from yourself!” said Marge putting away groceries.

Maggie sucked her pacifier.

“Fruit roll ups for Bart. Beer roll ups for Homer.” Yes, beer roll ups... “Lady Remington disposable shavers for my shapely legs. Soya milk for Lisa. Buzz candy with that weird clown Bart for Oscar. Pilchards for Hugo...” Marge put away her shopping and gasped when she got out the kitchen roll. “Burly?! I got the wrong brand Maggie! We’ll have to return to the store!” However Marge was smitten by Burly’s good looks. “Oh! That plaid shirt! And those muscles! So rugged!” Marge moaned aroused sexually by Burly.

“Marge why don’t you open me up and get me to work...” said Burly the sexy lumberjack.

“Oh! Burly! Did you just say something?!” Marge gasped.

“Marge, whether you believe this is your imagination or that your tripping on acid or something, tell yourself, do I really want to go back to the store and hunt around for my usual brand...?” Burly asked her.

Marge imagined such a scenario with her usual and inferior brands of kitchen roll.

One scenario she brought home Bounty kitchen paper.

Bart spilt his milk.

“Oops!” said Bart.

“Don’t worry luv! We ‘ladies’ will clear that up!” said a gruff man with a builder’s accent as two burly men dressed badly as women (because they had thick hairy arms and five o clock shadows still) arrived.

Marge screamed, freaked out by the men dressed as women.

Then she bought its renamed successor Plenty.

“Oops!” said Bart spilling his milk.

“Bellismo Marge! Buenos Dias! I am Juan Sheet!” said a cartoonish Spanish flamenco dancer carrying a roll of Plenty kitchen roll.

“Ooooooh!” said Marge smitten with the Spanish guy.

“No Mom...” Bart sighed as she wasn’t supposed to like the alternative brands.

“Oh...” Marge sighed as another scenario started.

Then she came home with that sixty nine cents toilet roll from Pennsylvania! Mwuhahahaha!

Obviously for the sake of hilarity its mascot was a cartoon vampire.

“Oops!” once again Bart spilt his milk. He thought he was just being plain clumsy now.

A cartoon vampire appeared. “Have no fear lady! I vill suck up the spillage like I suck blood! Ah ah ah!” said the cartoon vampire.

Marge screamed.

In reality she had been day dreaming for a very long time. “Hmmmm, I preferred that Hispanic guy... can I imagine him again...” She thought.

No, you can’t because Burly wants you to use his brand!

Then she bought the brand Thirst Pockets.

Bart had spilt his milk again. “Oops!”

Stampy trumpeted loudly and sucked up the milk with his trunk, because there are elephants in this commercial... then the kitchen roll magically sucked up various liquids from everywhere, such as Santa’s Little Helper’s drinking water from his drinking bowl. He whined.

Homer’s glass of ice cold juice he poured himself because it was a hot day today and he needed to cool off.

“D’oh!” he groaned as the reddish juice flew out, magnetised by the kitchen roll and absorbed.

“Well Marge?” Burly asked her.

“Oh okay. I’ll get you to work Burly. You are rather handsome! Hehehehe!” Marge giggled.

“Yes I suppose I am Marge...” said Bur,y making bedroom eyes at her.

Marge took a single sheet and wiped up some liquid. The kitchen roll easily absorbed it yet was quite dry still and had power to absorb even more!

“Look at that absorbativity! I have gotta tell someone!” said Marge.

A Gilligan cut later her kids rushed home and came into the kitchen.

“I came home as quickly as I could! What’s going on?” Lisa asked.

“Watch what happens when I spill this blue liquid.” said Marge. She spilt a blue liquid over the kitchen table. Then she tore a sheet of Burly kitchen roll from the roll and laid it on the puddle. It absorbed all the blue liquid and turned blue.

“You pulled me out of school for this?!” Lisa gasped frustrated.

“Absolutely! You’re about to get a lesson in retail value!” said Marge.

“Oh I don’t mind Lis... I’m not missing anything vital...” Bart smirked.

“Hmmmmm! Bart you can go back to school...” Marge sighed.

Nope. He ain’t going anywhere Marge.

“And Burly has still got soaking power! Spill something else!” said Marge.

“Mom I believe you!” said Lisa.

“Spill it...” said Marge.

Lisa sighed and spilt a glass of milk. Marge dabbed the now blue kitchen sheet in the milk and it absorbed all of it!

“Hmmm?” said Marge impressed.

“I’m missing a valuable algebra class... thanks Mom...” Lisa went off in a huff.

“Mom all the big kitchen roll brands are great... Bounty with those cross dressing freaks, Plenty, Thirst pockets, even that cheep kitchen paper from Pennsylvania with the cartoon vampire on the packet...” said Hugo.

“But none of them have such a rugged man on the packaging! Oooooh! Burly! Your insatiable!” Marge was aroused by Burly.

“Face it Hugo, Mom has a crush on a fictional kitchen roll mascot...” said Bart sighing.


Marge was admiring Burly again.

“Oh Burly! You’re so manly and Rugged!” she moaned aroused.

Homer came in whimpering and scared of something.

“Marge a bee flew right by my ear today! I even felt the wind rush by! It was that close!” said Homer whimpering and being a wuss.

“Ay Ay Ay! El cobarde! Ah! Hahahaha!” Bumblebee Man taunted Homer and laughed.

“Now that’s just silly narrator...” Marge sighed.

“Fantasise Marge... fantasise about Burly...” said Burly to Marge. He clicked his tongue and thrusted his hips.

“Hey you’re fantasising about that lumberjack!” Homer was annoyed at Marge. “Fine! I can fantasise too!” He squinted as he stared at the groceries.

The Italian old lady on a sausage pizza.

“Oooooooh! Mama Celeste! Prrrrrrr!” Homer purred aroused.

Mama Celeste came to life. “You touch me and I’ll cut you!” she threatened Homer while holding a knife.

Homer screamed.

He then looked at Newman’s own salad dressing.

Paul Newman came to life. “Homer, I’m gonna tell you what I told Redford. It ain’t gonna happen...”

Homer groaned.

“Fine... I’ll just hallucinate the cleaning product mascots attacking me again...” said Homer.

He imagined Mr Cleanser, a cute little turtle and Bubble off Scrubber bubble creatures with bristles for teeth. They made cute sounds.

Homer thought they were adorable.

Then the mascots growled and grinned evilly at him with malicious glee. They attacked him.

“I must destwoy you!” said Mr Cleanser.

Homer screamed horrifically as he was terrified of something.

“Homer! You’re just hallucinating again! Stop inhaling the Mr Cleanser!” said Marge.

“Oh okay...” Homer sighed as he went outside to get some fresh air.


Marge was typing a letter on a typewriter in the living room.

“Dear Burly, comma. (Yes she says comma...) I have never written to an advertisement mascot before. Are you a real person or a composite of ideas? If you are real please send a signed photograph. Your biggest fan and long time admirer, Marge Simpson.” said Marge typing up her letter.

Homer and Bart laughed hysterically when they read her letter.

“Please send a signed photo! Ah Hahahaha!” Bart laughed hysterically until he was crying from laughter.

“I don’t see what’s so funny. I write letters to produce mascots all the time...” said Oscar. “Then the Cookie Crisp Wolf filed a restraining order against me...”

“I don’t want to even imagine what you did to result in that...” Bart was disgusted by Oscar.

“Marge has never asked me for a signed photo in months!” said Homer.

“Except for that one where you are making a sex face Homer.” said Oscar.

On Homer’s nightstand was a signed photo of himself making a seductive face


Homer decided to get Marge back by pranking her.

The phone rang.

“Hello?” said Marge.

“Marge Simpson this is Chad Sexington, the model for Burly kitchen towels.” said a voice. Outside Homer was putting on a voice as he was Chad.

“Hi diddly ho neighbourino! Planning a prankerino?” Ned asked Homer who quickly cupped his hand over his mobile phone.

“Ned I am trying to have a private conversation with my wife as Chad Sexington! Go away!” said Homer.

“Okilly Dokilly!” said Ned going indoors.

“How did you get my number Marge asked Chad.

“I don’t know. But I was touched and humbled by your letter! How about I come over for dinner? Let’s say seven o clock?” said Chad.

Marge gasped excited. “Oh dinner with Burly! Why certainly Chad Sexington!”

Some time later.

Homer was looking smug.

“So honey anything happen today? Any phone calls?”

“Homer you’re not gonna believe this! Burly spokesman Chad Sexington is coming over for dinner!” said Marge.

“Oh!” Homer tried not to snicker. “Better keep your hopes up Marge!

“Oh I will!” said Marge oblivious.

Later that evening at seven.

Marge was dressed up nicely wearing her best ear rings and lipstick and her finest clothes she normally wore for church and court. She was making sure everyone was dressed nicely and annoying Bart by combing his hair and rubbing his face with a handkerchief she just licked.

“Places people! Everyone on their best behaviour! Hugo keep your shoes on!” said Marge. The doorbell rang. “Oh! That must be Chad!” Marge answered the door to find Barney.

“Hi Marge! Uuuuuuurp! I’m that kitchen roll person you like!” said Barney.

“Barney?! Where’s Chad Sexington?” Marge asked looking behind Barney but no one was there.

Bart and Homer laughed hysterically. Marge quickly realised this was a prank.

“Oooooooh! Now I feel really stupid! Thanks a lot!” Marge was very, very annoyed and stormed off as Bart and Homer laughed hysterically.

Plot 2[]

Moments later.

Homer and Bart were still laughing.

“Thanks a lot Guys! Mom is really upset!” Lisa scolded them for playing a cruel prank.

“Okay I see we went too far. But she was rather silly having a fixation on a kitchen roll mascot! Ahahaha!” Homer laughed again.

“Well I think you owe mom an apology and a make up dinner. Take her out somewhere nice! Like a fancy restaurant or a show?” said Lisa.

“Or Benihanas. Where the dinner is the show!” said Bart.

Lisa and Homer made disapproving grunts as if that was a bad idea.

“How about Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant?” Oscar asked.

Homer imagines in a thinking cloud Gordon Ramsay swearing a long string of censor bleeps and shouting at someone and calling them a fucking donkey.

“Uh... no.” said Homer.

“What about Gordon the Gopher’s restaurant?” Oscar asked being stupid.

“Now that was just stupid Oz...” Bart yelled annoyed at his idiotic suggestion.

“Hehehe... Gordon the Gopher...” Oscar giggled.


At a restaurant. The Pimento Olive to be precise.

“Well I guess it was a funny prank.” said Marge as the Simpsons were sat at a table in a restaurant. “I like the ones where nothing catches fire.”

“Yeah, where nothing gets hurt... except feelings...” said Homer.

“Oooooh...” Oscar whined. “But il like it when things catch fire! It’s hilarious!”

The Simpsons sighed at his silliness.

Judith Owen was playing on a piano and singing one of her songs.

After she was finished the host of the evening’s events came on stage to announce the next performance. “He has been on such shows as Michael Douglas, Merv Griffin and Art Linkletter’s house. The hip hypnotist Mesmerino!”

Everyone clapped and cheered as a hypnotist wearing a turban came out of a pyramid.

He looked about talking in a New York accent looking for someone to hypnotise.

“Hey Einstein! Where’s your date?” Mesmerino asked Professor Frink.

“Well you see it is fairly obvious my good man that-“

“Your under. Look deep into my eyes. When I snap my fingers you will be, a make out artist!” Mesmerino snapped his fingers. Frink made Glavins and other such sounds as he once again transformed into handsome Frink from the effects of Abraham Simpson’s love elixir.

He chatted up a waitress.

“Sugar, swallow that gum and meet me in the coat room out back in five, four, three, two now!” said handsome Frink.

“Whatever you say professor!” said the waitress smitten with him.

“And... you’re back!” said Mesmerino as he returned Frink to his usual nerdy self.

“No! I don’t want to go back! Gah! Pi R squared! Glavin! E equals M C squared!” Frink fell over and got up as himself again. “Oh I have redorkulated!” he sighed.

Mesmerino came to a table where sat at it were Smithers and Mr Burns.

“Nice going four eyes! Sitting next to Skeletor here has made you look like Hercules!” said Mesmerino. He-man would have been more appropriate...

Homer laughed obnoxiously. “Er... what’s a Skeletor?”

“Nyaaah! You bumbling bone head! I am Skeletor! Master of all evil!” said Skeletor very angry with Homer for not knowing who he was.

“Aaaagh! A skeleton!” Homer screamed.

“Oz no! You can not have Skeletor here...” Bart whined.

“Why not? Masters of the Universe is awesome!” Oscar cooed. “By the power of Greyskull, I have the power!” said Oscar holding the power sword and turning into a He Man-like Oscar.

Bart slammed his face into the table frustrated by Oscar’s stupid references.


Mesmerino then thought Mr Burns was Smithers’s Father.

“Actually my father died long ago.” said Smithers.

Everyone in the restaurant Awwwwwed feeling sorry for him. “Awwwwwwwwww!”

“Okay, is there anyone here who is not a downer. No I can’t make a We Happy Few gag because that doesn’t exist yet and a Down’s syndrome joke would be in bad taste.

“Oh! Oh! Do me! Do me!” said Homer getting up from the table his family were sat at. Homer giggled as he stopped in front of Mesmerino. “I am under your power! Boss me about! Make me do stuff!”

“Very well! Look deep into my eyes!” Mesmerino put him under hypnosis. “Your under. When I snap my fingers you will become a chicken!”

Mesmerino snapped his fingers and Homer started squawking like a chicken and wagging his arms in a chicken pose and scratching the floor to dig up worms.

Bart laughed. “That’s rather original narrator.”

Oscar smirked as things were about to get silly.

“Now sing at your son or daughter’s wedding!” said Mesmerino.

Homer sung in cartoon chicken squawks Here comes the bride! “Bwark Bwark Bwark! Bwark wark a waaaaark!”

Everyone laughed.

“Now.” said Mesmerino. Homer froze. “You will become, a famous historian.”

Mesmerino snapped his fingers.

“Look at me! I am a famous historian! Out of my way!” said Homer running about.

Everyone cheered. Obviously Homer is too stupid to do an impression of any historical figure...

“Now. You are... Emily Dickinson!” said Mesmerino. He snapped his fingers.

“Look at me! I’m Angie Dickinson! Out of my way!” said Homer running about. He is rather dumb.

Everyone cheered.

“Now. When I snap my fingers you will become... YouTube Poop!” said Mesmerino.

“What?!” Bart asked in disbelief.

Mesmerino clicked his fingers.

Homer said one of the tag lines of YouTube poops. In this case the one where Mario from Hotel Mario says “Where’s there’s smoke, they pinch back.” Yeah it doesn’t make a lick of sense...

Then. “Look at me I’m-“ said Homer.

“Dinner.” said King Harkinian of Hyrule.

“Boy!” said the demon known only as Phillips CD I Link. Or the one we dare not speak of.

“My boy.” said King Harkinian of Hyrule.

“The grrrrreatest in Koridai!” said Ganon.

“Such an unworthy parent!” said Jon from Garfield and friends to Garfield.

“Mama Luigi!” said Luigi from the Super Mario World cartoon.

“Too big!” said Lock, Shock and Barrel to the Mayor of Halloween town.

“Look at me! I’m!” said Homer.

“Kinda cute.” said Flip the clown from Little Nemo in Slumber land.

Then live action footage of Michael Crawford as the phantom of the opera as music played.

“The gayest supervillain ever!” said Homer. Beware my scented candles! Scented!”

Everyone in the restaurant was confused.

“Oh Betty! I am in something called the Phantom of the opera!” said the phantom breaking character into Frank Spencer and causing utter mayhem and breaking things.

“Oz he does straight acting as well as slapstick...” Hugo sighed.

“What the hell is going on?!” Bart asked during the mayhem.

“Look at me! I’m!”

“Yooooooou!” sung a cartoon guy from an obscure nineties animated film about guys on a pirate ship I think. Anyway the bossy captain is Thadius Vent from Oscar’s Orchestra I think, well he looks like him, all midget Napoleon and a power complex of wanting to be boss and all that. And the crew had a fish at one point.

“(Pirate captain yelling at big nose guy)”

“Fishy.” said Big nose sadly as the fish died and was now a skeleton.

“Look at me! I’m!”

“Driving into a chestnut tree! Aaaaaagh!” said Homer from Marge vs the Monorail.

“Boogeyman!” Homer screamed from $pringfield, or how I learned to stop worrying and love legalised gambling.

“Mrs Abernathy?” Binky the clown asked.

Bart was dumbfounded and winced as they transported to other shows and cartoons and animated films like Garfield and Little Nemo in Slumberland. And a cartoon film about fairies.

Oscar had fried his own brain and was now staring brainlessly and drooling as he watched the insanity play out as Nemo from Little Nemo danced with wooden tree people and Binky the clown was annoying Garfield.

“Mr Big Head!” said Heifer in a very poor Mr Big Head disguise. (Rocko’s Modern life)

“Dr Rabbit!” said Dr Rabbit from the Colgate adverts.

“My favourite record!” Mario yelled angry at Luigi.

“Look at me! I’m!” said Homer.

“Sandra Deeeeeee!” sung Rizzo and the pink ladies.

“The Captain now!” said the scary Somalian pirates from Captain Phillips.

Bart slammed his face on the table frustrated once again by Oscar’s stupidity.


Mesmerino eventually got Homer to stop making YouTube poops. As all the characters, and Michael Crawford vanished with a click of his fingers.

“Now with a snap of my fingers you will become yourself at twelve years old.” said Mesmerino. He snapped his fingers.

Homer recalled a memory as he spoke in a high voice. “I’m at the old waterfall lake with my friends Barney, Lenny and Carl! And it’s a beautiful summer’s day and- Oh my god!! Aaaaaaagh!” Homer screamed uncontrollably.

“Mesmerino do something!” said Marge.

“Uh on my next finger snap you are free of my hypnotic control!” said Mesmerino. He snapped his fingers.

Homer seemingly returned to normal. “Oh... oh... that’s much better. I have to catch my breath ag- Oh my god! Aaaaaaaagh!” Homer started screaming again. He wouldn’t stop even when Mesmerino clicked his fingers.

“Father!” said Lisa.

The Simpsons realised immediately they had to get Homer home. He screamed in the taxi and screamed as he paid the Raphael who was driving.

“Thank you! Aaaaaaaaaagh! Aaaaaaagh!”

All night Homer screamed in bed until eventually he stopped screaming.

Marge asks him if he recalls what he was screaming about.

“Well... it all started one summers day...” said Homer.

Young Homer and his friends Barney, Lenny and Carl were at a water fall lake.

“Let’s dive in the lake!” said young Homer.

“Homer no!” Carl warned him but Homer dived.

There was no water in the lake so Homer hurt himself really badly and landed face first in the mud. Hehehe! Mud!

“But wait! I didn’t scream because I was muddy! Something else happened... ooooh! But I can’t recall it!” said Homer.

“Hmmmmm, maybe if we we stage an intervention with your friends, maybe they recall what happened.” said Marge.

“Oh ok.” said Homer.

Plot 3[]

The next morning Marge was ironing Bart’s orange shirts and shorts. “And hey presto! All of little Barties shirts and shorts done for the week!” She shuffled the shirts and shorts like playing cards so Bart quickly had access to a shirt and a pair of shorts each day.

However Homer was brought home screaming in a Hannibal Lecter gurney by Lenny and Carl. Marge sighed.

Marge let them in. Homer was still screaming.

“Oh no...” Marge sighed.

Because Homer wouldn’t stop screaming Carl had to clasp his hand over his mouth to shut him up. It only muffled him as he continued trying to scream. If I was Homer here I’d bite Carl’s hand. The oldest trick in the book against being silenced by a hand over your mouth.

“So sorry Marge. But Homer was being disruptive at work...” said Carl. His screaming got him sent home.

“Yeah he ruined nap time and quiet time...” said Lenny.

“Oh Homie! You poor thing...” said Marge.

Then to Marge’s chagrin Oscar got a hold of a clean and freshly ironed pair of Bart’s shorts and was eating them.

“Hmmmmmm...” Marge sighed.

“Oz! Gimme those!” Bart snatched his shorts off of Oscar. “My clothes are not food!”

Lenny and Carl took the screaming Homer to the living room and laid him on the couch. He screamed so they laid him on his face. He still screamed but muffled.

Bart, Lisa and Hugo came in. Maggie followed by toddling and face planting.

“Cooooool! He’s still mental!” said Bart.

“No one out crazies Hugo V Simpson!” Hugo yelled. Then he screamed and yelled gibberish and smashed everything up.

Marge sighed.

“Yeah, my hunch is that he is struggling with a repressed memory.” said Lenny.

“Well my hunch is on my back.” said Quasimodo.

“Oz get Quasi out of here now...” Bart groaned.

“Hmmmm, how do we unrepress it?” Marge asked.

“Well, the Yaqui Indians had a knack for that with a special tea they’d brew.” said Carl. “A special tea that unlocks memories.”

“Well it would be a good excuse to use my Yaqui tea set.” said Marge.

“Mom why do you have these exact things handy...” Bart groaned.