Steamed Hams Principal Skinner invites Super Intendent Chalmers around for lunch but accidentally burns the roast so he sneaks out and buys Krusty burgers and passes them off as his own. Meanwhile Oscar caused chaos with the time travelling toaster.
Super Intendent Chalmers rings the door bell and Skinner lets him in.
"Good afternoon sir! I hope you're ready for an unforgettable luncheon!" Skinner says enthusiastically.
"Yes... (unintelligible murmuring)" Chalmers replied while bringing a bottle of wine.
Skinner checks the roast. Unfortunately it's burnt and smoking. "Ye gods! My roast! It's ruined!" Skinner looks out the window and sees a Krusty burger. "Unless... What if I were to purchase fast food, and pass it off as my own?" Skinner laughs evilly. "Delightfully devilish, Seymour!" He goes to sneak out the window, but is caught by Chalmers.
"Eh!" said Chalmers before the credits roll.
After the credits. "Skinner!" Chalmers yelled.
"Super Intendent Chalmers! I was just stretching my calves on the window sill! Isometric exercise! Care to join me?" Skinner explained.
"Why is there smoke coming out of you oven, Seymour?" Chalmers asked.
"Oh, that isn't smoke! That's steam! From the steamed clams we're having, mmmm! Steamed clams!" Skinner explained, rubbing his stomach.
"Uh huh." Chalmers left him to cook. Once he was sure he was alone to cook, Skinner took off his apron and sneaked out and ran off to Krusty burger.
Later, Skinner arrives with a plate of Krusty burgers.
"I hope you're ready for mouth watering hamburgers!" Skinner explained putting down the plate of burgers on the table.
"I thought we were having steamed clams." Chalmers remarked.
"Oh no! I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!" Skinner explained.
"You call hamburgers steamed hams..." Chalmers drank his wine.
"Yes, it's a regional dialect."
"Uh huh, what region?" Chalmers asked.
"Well I'm from Utica, and I've never heard that expression!"
"Oh not in Utica. It's more of an Albany expression." Skinner explained.
"Uh huh." Chalmers ate a burger. "You know, these taste quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger."
"Oh no. Patented Skinner burgers! Old family recipe!" Skinner explained, eating.
"For steamed hams."
"And you call them steamed hams despite that they're obviously grilled." Chalmers opens the burger to show it has grill marks on the patty.
"Well, you should know... uh... Excuse me one second." Skinner leaves the table and goes in the kitchen.
Chalmers murmurs a response while eating.
Skinner soon arrives back again while yawning. "Oh, I'm pooped! Good times had by all!"
"Yes I suppose I should- Good Lord! What is happening in there?!" Chalmers gasps wondering why the inside of the kitchen is glowing red.
"Aurora Borealis?" Skinner asked.
"Aurora Borealis!" Chalmers doesn't seem to believe him. "At this time of day, in this part of the country, entirely contained within your kitchen?!"
"Yes!" Skinner replied.
"May I see it?" Chalmers asked.
"Uh... nope." Skinner replied.
Chalmers says goodbye to Skinner.
"Well, Skinner, you're an odd fellow, but you do steam a good ham!" Chalmers explained before leaving.
"Seymour! The house is on fire!" Agnes, Skinner's mother yells.
"No mother, it's just the northern lights!" Skinner explained. He gave Chalmers a thumbs up to convince him to leave satisfied.
"Help! Heeeeeeelp!" Agnes cried as Skinner watched Chalmers leave before quickly running indoors.
Meanwhile Oscar is planning on tossing out the toaster as it's too dangerous to use. However he accidentally activates it.
"Oops!" He is sent into the time vortex.
"Wow... Is that Peabody and Sherman?" Oscar asked.
"Quiet you!" Mr Peabody told him to be quiet. Oscar frowned at him.
Oscar then arrived in the dinosaur times. "Ok. Remember, don't touch anything..." He reminded himself. However a mosquito was bothering him. "Stupid bug! You go squish now!" And he swatted it, killing the mosquito. "Oh no!"
He was sent back to the future.
Steamed Hams, but it's the universe where Ned Flanders is the unquestionable overlord.
Super Intendent Chalmers rings the doorbell and is let in by Skinner.
"Ah, Super Intendent Chalmers! Ready for an unforgettable luncheon?" Skinner asked.
"Yes... (unintelligible murmuring)." Chalmers had brought wine. However as he comes in the floor morphs like something from Time Bandits and a screen appears on the morphed floor. Ned is on the screen.
"Well, hi diddly ho neighborinos!" Ned greets them.
"Hi diddly ho, Ned!" Skinner and Chalmers greet him.
Ned has smell o vision so he can smell things. He sniffs. "Mmmm hmmm! Something smells good!"
"Yes, Ned, I'm just about to check it." Skinner goes to the kitchen. He checks the roast only to find it has burnt and is now ruined and on fire.
"Ye gods! My roast is ruined!" Skinner laments.
Ned's screen morphs from the floor. "(Disappointed tutting) Now now! We don't use the Lord's name in vain or pray to false idols! I'm afraid I'll have to bring in the entire sector for reneducation!"
"Aw, if you say so, Ned." Skinner sighs as the house is picked up and taken to Ned's fortress.
They arrive and dressed in the compulsory Flanders outfits including the signature Flanders green sweater.
"First up, let's see you all smile!" Ned asks as robot hooks force everyone to smile.
"Skinner, what are you smiling at?" Chalmers asks Skinner.
Afterwards everyone gathers in a hall.
"Now, just in case that smiling hasn't made you feel any better, I recommend a warm glass of milk, a lie down and a total frontal lobotomy!" Ned explained. Chalmers and Skinner lined up to get their lobotomies. While waiting they talk to Springfield residents who have had their lobotomies.
"Oh it wasn't so bad, they stick a hook up your nose and cut out part of your brain and they let you keep it in a jar..." Moe explained. "Oh! Who is that strange man! Who is that?"
Eventually everyone has their lobotomies. They're all drooling simpletons.
"Now for bible study. While you read here's a few fun facts. My naughty Ned hounds that I use to catch anyone trying to escape once belonged to silly old Mr Burns, (everyone waves at Mr Burns as he reads and he waves back) until I took over to sort out this naughty world!" Ned explained.
Meanwhile after the hover trucks took away Skinner's house Oscar was left behind after hiding behind a bin.
"I better get out of this timeline before I get caught." Oscar told himself as he went back in time.
However in the dinosaur times a tyrannosaurus roars at Oscar.
"Nyaaaaaagh!" Oscar runs away trying not to squash anything. However he trips and sits on a fish that had just learned to breath outside of water. "Oh...! I wish, I wish I hadn't sat on that fish..." Oscar groans as he his sent back to the future.
Steamed hams, but everyone is giant.
Oscar arrives on the door step of a giant house. "I wonder where Super Intendant Chalmers is? Gee, everything is much bigger for some reason..." Suddenly there is a violent tremor. "Whoaaaa!" Oscar looks down the road to see a giant Super Intendent Chalmers walking towards the house.
Oscar screams and returns to the past.
However in the past he encounters the tyrannosaurus again and it roars at him. However Oscar has a bad case of the sniffles and sneezes at the dinosaur. "Aachoo!" The tyrannosaurus sneezes and dies. Other dinosaurs sneeze and die.
"This is gonna cost me..." Oscar said with a gulp as he returned to the future.
Steamed hams, but it's Oscar's greatest heart's desire.
Oscar arrived outside Skinner's house. He hid as he watched Super Intendent Chalmers knock on the door and be greeted by Principal Skinner. However as they spoke there was a pop! As they turned into freaks. Chalmers turned into a jack-in-a-box and Skinner into a clown-flower headed creature with a pickle body, a frog tongue, flippers for feet and an orange flag instead of a tail.
"I see our master Bart is displeased again..." said Skinner.
"Well this certainly puts a damper on our luncheon, Skinner..." Chalmers sighed.
"Wow! I better look around!" Oscar decides to stay in this universe. However as he walks back to Evergreen Terrace it rains donuts. "Donut rain! This so cool!" He catches a donut with chocolate icing and eats it. "Mmmmm!" He brushes off the donuts he's buried in and continues walking.
He sees Jasper as a dog with his human face. Frink as a Jack in a box lamenting his form that he blamed himself for by displeasing the almighty one. And finally Oscar saw Snowball II with tall legs, wearing clown shoes, purple shorts, an umbrella for a tail, flowers for ears and breathing fire. There was also Lunch Lady Doris as a butternut squash.
“I regret nothing...” she sighed.
Oscar soon arrives at Evergreen Terrace. However the Simpsons house is a mansion and the Flanders house is nowhere to be seen. He goes inside.
Bart is watching TV while being served on hand and foot by the rest of the family.
"Hey, Oscar." Bart greets him.
"Good afternoon your majesty!" The rest greet him.
"It's almost lunchtime. Can I get you something?" Bart asks.
"A peanut butter and jelly sandwich." Oscar asked. Bart clapped his hands and sent Marge to make it.
"Take a seat, Oscar." Bart explained budging up to let Oscar sit next to him.
Oscar did so. He noticed Bart's arm was covered in tattoos.
"Cool tattoos!" Oscar remarked.
"Haven't I shown you that one already?" Bart asked. Oscar shook his head as Marge handed him his sandwich. "Oh, well that one's quite old..." Bart starts exploring the snake tattoo on his arm.
"Are those real or temps?" Oscar asked.
"Real of course! There's nothing I can't have!" Bart explained pointing to himself.
"Cool! Mind if I play on your video games?" Oscar asked.
"Not at all! I've got the lastest edition of Bonestorm! R rated with extra blood!" Bart replied he said the latest game he had in a sing song voice.
"That is so awesome!" Oscar cooed. He ran upstairs.
While Oscar played with Bonestorm. Bart as a psychic Demi god with reality warping powers was examining the toaster.
“Well no wonder Dad got trapped in another dimension! This is set to shuffle!” said Bart.
He set it so Oscar could chose where to go.
“Okay, we’ve got the universe where Ned Flanders is the unquestioned overlord. The universe where everyone is giant. He universe that is your heart’s deepest desires. Cool! The universe with James Earl Jones Maggie that is disturbing.” Said Oscar going to that universe.
Steamed Hams but it is the universe with James Earl Jones Maggie.
Chalmers rings the doorbell to Agnes Skinner’s house. Seymour answers.
“Ah, Super intendant Chalmers! Ready for an unforgettable-aaaaaaargghh!” Skinner is axed in the back with an ax. The culprit is Maggie Simpson. She takes out her pacifier from her mouth and speaks in the voice of James Earl Jones.
“This is indeed a disturbing universe!” said James Earl Jones Maggie.
“Good Lord!” Chalmers ran off in terror.
“Agggghhhh! Darth Vader Maggie!” said Oscar pulling out a blue lightsabre as it ignited.
Maggie pulled out a red lightsabre. “You don’t know the power of the dark side! Join me, and I’ll complete your training!” said James Earl Jones Maggie.
“I’ll never join you!” Oscar yelled as they had a lightsabre fight.
Their lightsabre fight takes place across the disturbing universe as Maggie puts it. It is also the universe where people have frog tongues to eat with and everything is seen so Homer’s imagination. For example in this universe an anthropomorphic crocodile man in a suit lives in Springfield.
Oscar passed Homer lamenting to Marge they were in financial trouble now with another baby on the way.
“We’re doomed! Doomed! Aaaaaarrrrghh!” Homer’s head inflated and exploded.
Oscar laughed as he duels Maggie.
“Distraction will be your downfall!” said James Earl Jones Maggie.
Oscar frowned while their lightsabers clashed.
"It is useless to resist." said James Earl Jones Maggie. "Submit or be destroyed."
Then they bursted into the town meeting. Green haired Marge with orange rollers in her hair, a rainbow necklace and a blue dress was nagging everyone while holding a rolling pin. “Legalised gambling is wrong! You can build a casino over my dead body!”
Meanwhile Ned wearing a baseball glove, three headed Apu with many arms, a lady with her head on a spring, an old man in a bikini wearing Milhouse glasses, a crocodile in a suit, a bearded baby and muscular Homer were astonished by this distraction.
But Muscular Homer quickly had a phone call from the president.
“It’s the president Homer.” said an unseen octopus giving him the phone. Muscular Homer spoke to the president.
Oscar eventually got to the Simpsons house while the sun was singing lame childish songs.
“Shut up!” Oscar yelled at the sun.
Inside the Simpsons were about to have lunch.
“Oscar you’re just in time for lunch!” said Marge serving lunch.
Oscar shrugged as he still felt hungry even after his sandwich. He sat down to eat.
However the Simpsons ate their food by snatching it up with long frog tongues.
Oscar was disturbed but shrugged his shoulders and ate his lunch.
After lunch he hung about with Bart who kept catching flies with his tongue.
“Well I suppose by your universe’s definition that mine’s the disturbing one all your imaginary stuff like Hoju would be here.” said Bart.
“Well I like to bring my disturbing randomness everywhere I go, the only difference is that in this universe my imagination and one off characters I made up are normal compared to what this universe cooks up!” said Oscar.
“True, I imagine I would feel a lot more coming with your imagination characters than the Bart in your universe.” said Bart. “Otherwise I’d be a right hypocrite.”
Oscar giggled and summoned Hoju, the homosexual Jew, Gamblor, Justin Timberwolf, Tyrannosaurus Sex and many other bizarre characters based on funny one liners from Homer and others.
Bart of this universe wasn’t bothered by their presence. To him the sight of these looneys was just another Tuesday.
There was an effeminate gay Jewish man, Hasidic to be precise. Wearing leather with spikes and a leather hat mincing about the house. Gamblor the slot machine monster with neon claws was trying to get everyone he spoke to addicted to gambling.
Oscar felt this universe wasn’t so bad apart from James Earl Jones Maggie.
“And Smart Ralph.” said Bart.
“What?!” Oscar was astonished.
“Yes but what man could tame her?” said deep voiced intellectual Ralph from Lisa’s Pony.
Oscar screamed and teleported himself out of that universe with the time toaster.
A universe that’s nothing
”There’s nothing here!” said Oscar.
”Except that guy way over there in the background...” said Teddy, his living teddy bear creature.
”Hellooooooo!” A tiny man way in the distance waved at them.
Teddy waved back.
”He also compliments people.”
”Nice sweater!” said the man in the background.
”Why thanks!” said Oscar.
Oscar and Teddy teleport away.
A universe of just naked gay men.
There were naked gay men everywhere.
”Love it.” said Oscar smiling.
”Hate it...” Teddy zapped them off to another universe.
A universe of just red fire hydrants.
There were just red fire hydrants.
”Love it.” said Teddy. Because he uses fire hydrants as toilets. Well he raises his back leg and pees at them like a dog.
”Hate it...” said Oscar. He warped them away.
”Oh great I’m back in the times before Dr John Hammond confined dinosaurs to island zoos.” said Oscar. He stepped on a tiny lizard. “Oops!”
Another alternative universe.
Oscar felt he was finally back in the proper universe.
”Ah! Back home. Finally.
“Um.... Mom is a six eyed Blob with Tentacles!” said Emperor Bart.
“i know that, so?“ Oscar asked.
“She's writing Educational children's Television!“ Emperor Bart with psychic powers screamed.
“OH MY DEAR GOD!” Oscar screamed.
They teleported out of that universe.
Satam Sonic universe
A fanfiction writer here really, really liked the dark edgy Sonic where Robotnik is an actually threatening and successful villain. Voiced by Jim Cummings. Unlike the cartoon where Robotnik constantly is humiliated by Sonics cartoon antics.
However the writer substituted everything with Simpsons characters. Ie Scary Robotnik is now Mr Burns. As well as his assistant Smithers he has a robot chicken.
Oscar cracked up laughing.
Emperor Bart sighed exasperated.
Also Mr Burns has a nephew called Snively. Yes they had to find a way to get Snively in there.
"And keep the kids amused with their favourite voice actors ie Winnie/Tigger/Pete the cat and Mechanicles." said Oscar.
"Snively! Release the killer robots!" said Mr Burns.
Killer robots with laser guns fired lasers at Oscar and Emperor Bart.
Bart and Oscar screamed.
"Oz what the hell happened here?!" Emperor Bart yelled.
"According to the time toaster this is a universe based on Satam Sonic. Things went really bad here after Mr Burns became mayor and overthrew the president in a military coup. Now he's a cyborg dictator like Robotnik..." said Oscar.
There was also a Walter Naugus, probably related to Ixis Naugus.
And Everyone else were freedom fighters fighting back agains Burns from a swamp village with Peter Shepherd from the Jumanji movie who keeps turning into a talking tea cup or a cartoon fox with two tails.
"We get it! I'm the voice of Tails!" Peter Shepherd groaned.
And Numbuh 5/ Penny is a talking dragon!
"Oz this universe is horrible. I want to leave..." Bart whined.
Then a cartoon dragon landed in the swamp village. However she was a friendly dragon.
"Oh good." said Oscar.
However she was voiced by Numbuh 5/Penny from Inspector Gadget.
"OMG! Cree Summer dragon!" Oscar screamed.
Apparently Cree Summer/Numbuh 5 was enough to make Oscar want to leave that universe.
"I hope I'm home." said Oscar.
The first thing Oscar saw thar was odd about this universe though was... Otto as a feral caveman in rags eating a human arm. It looked like Ned's.
"Unfortunately this is a universe where everyone is a cannibal." said the narrator.
"Oh great..." Bart sighed.
"Is Skinner still making steamed hams for lunch with Chalmers?" Oscar asked.
"No he's making steamed mans." said Bart.
Cannibal Willie harrassed them waving a rake.
"Is everyone here a rabid beast?" Oscar groaned.
"Well no. Some of the cannibals are sophisticated and civilised." said the narrator picking up Oscar and Emperor Bart and placing them elsewhere in cannibal Springfield.
"Good evening gentlemen. Care for some human liver with kidney and fava beans with a nice chianti? (Creepy rasping noise.)" said Hannibal Lecter.
Bart immediately and frantically warped them out of that universe.
Universe where the Simpsons are blue.
Oscar and emperor Bart arrive in a universe where everyone is blue.
”Um nope!” said Bart. They left.
During trips across the multiverses Oscar was internally communicating with his evil side.
“My ethical self, we have a lot more in common than you think.” said Dark Oscar.
“That’s a terrible thing to say.“ Oscar said sharply.
Dark Oscar sighed.
“I’m not a hypocrite.” He got at Oscar because well, he has gone psycho in the past so yeah technically him lecturing his dark side is hypocritical.
“No. You’re an asshole.” said Oscar.
Dark Oscar frowned at him.
“How come whenever I have fun, it’s considered wrong?” Dark Oscar exclaimed annoyed.
“People die when you have fun.” said Oscar.
Emperor Bart winced at the sight of Oscar arguing with a ghostly image of Dark Oscar.
“Dark Oscar, What is wrong with you?” Emperor Bart asked squinting.
“I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence…“ said Dark Oscar rolling his eyes.
“Oh yeah…” said Emperor Bart.
“I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.” said Dark Oscar.
“Anyway let’s visit another universe.” said Oscar.
They arrive underwater and are merfolk.
”Okay in this universe we’re merfolk...” said Oscar.
”Ugh...” said Bart.
”Now hold on. It’s not like this universe is awful.” said Oscar.
Suddenly cartoon fish and sea creatures were singing Under the Sea from Disney’s The Little Mermaid.
Homer was singing too. “Under the sea! Under the sea! Where there’s no accusations, just friend,y crustaceans! Under the sea!!”
“Okay it’s awful. We’re outta here...” said Oscar.
They left that universe.
The universe of cheesy dialogues
“You were almost a Jill Sandwich.” said Barry.
Oscar and Emperor Bart winced.
”Take this gun. It’s very powerful against living things.” Barry gave Jill the grenade launcher.
”Yes. Because it’s a grenade launcher... it would reduce you to bloody salsa...” Dark Oscar groaned. “But half the monsters here are already dead....”
“Living dead...” said Oscar.
”Hasta la vista, baby!” said Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Emperor Bart frowned as he warped himself and Oscar out of that universe.
”Oz stop setting the time toaster to shuffle.” Emperor Bart set it to the universe of Oscar’s hearts desire.
They returned to that universe.
Marge, Homer and Lisa bowed down to Bart in reference.
Bart smirked and sat upon his throne.
Hugo was running about on fours like a dog.
”Oh yeah it’s the universe of my hearts desire and my dreams.” said Oscar.
Loads of Curious Bear Cubs from Happy Little Elves ran in and one started sniffing Oscar’s crotch.
He sighed delighted.
Springfield main universe.
”So we’re not in this episode...” Lisa sighed.
”Nope.” said Homer.
Elsewhere computer nerds maid alternate universes of Steamed Hams. My favourite is Steamed Hams but it’s Metroid Fusion.
Tben George Bush sr tried for order gazpacho from Krusty burger.