Simpsons Fanon

Stay Frosty The aftermath of White Christmas Blues. Marge has to have therapy and extra church to sort out her snapping at B & B guests. Baby Bart and Baby Jesus save the world from evil and compete on Four in a Bed, a saucy named show about B & Bs. And more daft Christmas specials and evil republicans.


The title gag is Christmas presents floating down on parachutes.

The titles are all Christmassy again with snow and people dressed up as elves.

The bullies drop a star on Ralph’s head again.

The billboard gag is an advertisement for Frosty the Hitman/Snowman Wolverine.

The Chalkboard gag is “It’s not Merry Fartmas...”

The Couch Gag is the Simpsons sat on the couch wearing tacky Christmas sweaters.


At school.

“Come on, keep it moving, the sooner we get in, the sooner we get out.” Carol, a substitute teacher was guiding Fourth Grade into assembly.

“Bwah ha, ha, ha, ha!“ Bart and Milhouse are laughing.

“Man, YouFool dot com shows the best pranks, this 1 got the highly coveted Platinum Raspberry Award last year!” said Milhouse laughing.

Bart and Milhouse watched a video of their hero Andy Hamilton performing an outrageous prank.

Bart and Milhouse laughed. “Gahahahaha!”

“Outstanding stuff, for sure…….but I can do better.” Bart boasted.

Bart, Milhouse and the other students go into the auditorium for the assembly. Apparently the corridor was that long they had several lines of dialogue before they went in.

“So when will you submit a prank to yooFool? I mean, you know pranks are what you do best.” Milhouse asked Bart.

“Funny you should ask that, Milhouse old bean.” said Bart. Mmmmmm... Beans...

Bart and Milhouse walk around looking for their seats.

“In this backpack is enough to win me a giant Platinum Raspberry...” said Bart.

“What are you gonna do?” Milhouse asked.

Bart and Milhouse sit right down in their seats.

“Keep your shirt on and make sure the video camera in your phone is fully juiced.” said Bart. Milhouse had a Myphone.

“Check!” said Milhouse. “But I won’t keep my shirt on. I want all the girls to see my sexy body...”

”Eeeeeeww!” Lisa groaned.

”Milhouse stop... none of the girls are attracted to you... just accept it...” Bart sighed.

Armin walks around over to the podium on the auditorium stage and everybody else begins going crazy by throwing Frisbees and paper airplanes and all sorts of flying objects around the auditorium... Oh and the author of Pranks A lot thinks Armin is still canon! Poor guy! Here that never happened and Armin is the real Seymour Skinner!

““Settle down, everybody, today’s special assembly is in response to a growing number of complaints we’ve received from parents, teachers and law enforcement officers about rude behaviour and pranks performed by members of our, nay, my student body.” said Skinner.

“So? 1 drew a chalk outline around your student body years ago, Skinner!” said Nelson heckling.

Students laughed.

“Thank you for so ‘deftly’ illustrating the problem, Nelson.” Skinner sighed.

Students laughed.

“Did he call me deaf?” Nelson asked.

Beethoven Nelson shrugged.

Bart winced.

”Booooo!” Jimbo jeered.

Dolph hissed.

”You suck!” yelled Kearney.

Then a therapy “Talking” Doctor arrived called Dr Bonnie Jean Mulligan to explain some special little snowflakes get upset by harmless and funny pranks. She asked the kids to stop pranking.

The kids booed and jeered.

“Boo!” Dolph jeered

“Ugh!” said Kearney.

“Boo!” Jimbo jeered.

“Go back to Italy!” Nelson yelled.

Lisa scowled. “I can’t believe I used to fancy him!” She said internally to herself.


The Springfield Republican Party Headquarters evil castle. Now infested by the Animaniacs because they messed with Wakko...

Mr Burns was mad at Krusty for being concerned by the violence in Itchy and Scratchy and Kent for spreading the global warming lie. Which is true but to the Republicans it was a lie.

”Judas!” Mr Burns snapped. There was dramatic lightning.

”I’m sorry Monty but the Network will pull the plug on my show if I don’t cut out all the violence.

“And I’ll forcefully take over your show and find a new compliment host if you do!” Mr Burns snapped.

”I’d like to see you try...” said Krusty.

”Very Well. Bob Terwilliger....” said Mr Burns.

”Okay! Okay! I’ll tell the Network to stuff it and make my show even more violent....” said Krusty.

”Excellent....” said Mr Burns. “As for you Kent! Stop peddling this twaddle about Global Warming!”

”Monty it’s not Twaddle... it’s the truth...” said Kent.

”It’s twaddle! Poppycock! Nonsense. I might even describe it as crap! But that’s rather vulgar...” said Mr Burns.

Kent sighed.

”The planet is perfectly fine right now...” said Mr Burns.

The evil Republicans debated.

”Monty I say we expel Krusty and Kent! Arrrr! They ain’t like us...” said Rich Texan.

”Homicidally evil?” Kent asked.

”Now put a sock in it News speak! You’re treading on hot desert sand...” said Rich Texan.


At home Oscar was going through the B & B finances.

It was late afternoon so the kids got home.

”Mom can I watch cartoons?” Bart asked.

Marge heard carol singers. “Hmmmm... hold on dear I think we might have guests.

”Sounds like carol singers. Remember Marge let them sing...” Oscar frowned.

Marge rolled her eyes.

She answered the door. Out of towners sang Good King Wenceslas.

♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out ♪

♪ On the Feast of Stephen ♪

Marge slammed the door on them.

”Marge!” Oscar snapped.

The door bell rang.

Marge answered. To her annoyance it was the carol singers and they immediately resumed singing.

♪ When the snow lay round about ♪

♪ Deep and crisp and even ♪

Mmmmmm! Pizza analogy...

Marge slammed the door on them.

But the door bell rang again.

”Oooooh!” It was the carol singers again.

♪ Brightly shone the moon that night ♪

♪ Though the frost was cruel ♪

Marge slammed the door.

Again the bell rang. She went out to shout at the carol singers.

”You’re an asshole Ma’am, you’re an asshole. Why won’t you let us sing?” the carol singers sang rudely as they glared at Marge.

She screamed and stormed off.

Homer blushed. “Um I’m sorry about that. She’s in a very odd mood this year...”.

The carol singers sang Silent Night.

♪ Silent night, holy night ♪

♪ All is calm, all is bright ♪

♪ 'Round yon virgin Mother and Child ♪

Homer drank a hot cocoa and smiled.

♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ Sleep in-

The Carol singers did not get to finish as Marge shoved Homer aside and poured a bucket of ice cold water over the carol singers. They screamed and cried. Marge spat on them and went inside slamming the door shut rudely.

The very cold carol singers angrily went home muttering.

”Marge you’re scaring away the customers!” Oscar yelled. Homer say something to your wife!”

”I-I-I c-c-can’t! I’m scared!“ Homer stammered.

”Ugh!” Oscar grunted annoyed. “Marge, running a B&B with you is like running a hotel with Basil Fawlty!”

We cut to Fawlty Towers.

Basil was being rude and unhelpful to the guests.

”I said I’d like a room please!!” A posh lady was getting annoyed.

Sybil was trying to actually run the hotel properly. However her husband Basil found her insufferable.

”On I knoooooow, yes dear! I knoooow!” She was on the phone to someone.

Manuel the Hispanic waiter could only speak Spanish so was utterly useless. Plus he liked to clean the table and end breakfast on time. Which infuriated the guy from As Time Goes By who is a doctor and health inspector so Basil has to let him have late breakfast and be nice to him.

Polly the maid was helpful though but Basil never listens to her and is abusive towards her.

Back at the Simpsons Marge rolled her eyes.

”Marge you obviously need help over your hatred of carol singers...” Oscar sighed. “It is Christmas and people like to sing carols.”

”I know what carols are Oz...” said Marge. “And this is my house and my B&B. Now let me run it how I want...”

”Marge. He’s right, I actually want this money making scheme to succeed for once....” said Homer standing up to her.

Marge sighed.


Bart was watching the family drama going on of his mom’s strange hostility to carol singers and Oscar’s obsession with taking over the running of the B&B. “Oz... do you even know how to run a B&B?”

”I now know how not to run one....” said Oscar watching Marge’s antics or ranting at everyone and going on about how stressed she was.

Bart sighed and used down time until some guests arrived to watch Krusty.

”The Itchy and Scratchy shooooooow!” sang the theme tune.

It was the usual gore and bloodshed. Bart laughed maniacally.

Then Krusty couldn’t take it anymore and stood in front of the projector.

”Stop! Stop showing these little kids that violence! I can’t take it anymore! I can’t be a sleazy ignorant clown and kids show host!” Krusty cried.

“Where were you in season two?!” Marge heckled the TV.

Bart sighed and decided not to argue with her.

In Season two Krusty only thought of the money Roger Myers was making him and not the content of his cartoon.

Mr Burns back stage snapped his fingers and heavy goons dragged Krusty off stage.

”Hey let me go! Let go! Aaaaah! This is my show! You can’t do this to me!”

After he left Mr Burns came on stage. “Sorry about that my little urchins. Mmmmm... such healthy organs... Now enjoy your violent animations.” He left and the cartoons ran.

Film crew decided to keep the show running a little longer to make up for Krusty’s interruptions. So Bart got to see an extra episode of Itchy and Scratchy.

He laughed as Itchy sliced up Scratchy.

Marge was concerned Bart wasn’t worried about Krusty. Perhaps the season has affected us all.

Meanwhile Lisa went out to spend the money Bart gave her as she wished. Probably on some save the whales thing Bart commented the other day.

Actually, Lisa thought. I will spend some of this on myself. She came across an Angelica Button fandom store and other book fandoms like Bart’s Troll Twins of Underbridge book and Lord of the Rings. As well as books it sold costumes and merchandise of stuff from various fandoms such as cloaks of the house Angelica Button was in at magic school and genuine copies of the wands the characters had. Bart bought her Professor Digglesby's wand. So she hoped she could find another to replace the one she sold to by Bart a tablet device.

I wonder how Oscar’s give him what he wants then he tosses it out in January gifts went down...” Lisa sighed.

After Hugo threw his new sneakers at Lisa’s head in a tantrum and she went off sobbing.

Marge was disappointed in Hugo’s behaviour but was too busy being rude to the guests every time they had a reasonable complaint.

”Well that’s Lisa’s awful gifts. Here’s some thoughtful gifts Bart. I um kinda splashed out at the prankster stores.” said Oscar.

Bart looked at the pile of gifts that said on their labels “To Bart. Merry Christmas Love Oscar.” Oscar was too forward with announcing his love to Bart.

”Um. You certainly did Oz!” Bart looked through the gifts. “Oh! Stink bombs! M80s! A whoopee cushion with Whoopi Goldberg on it.... well I did bury all of my whoopee cushions. A pea shooter... Bloodstorm X! Thanks Oscar.”

In the present Lisa growled. “Thanks Oscar... He probably is already bored of your gifts...”

Plot 2[]

At night after a day of no customers. Bart was sharing his bed with Hugo. He decided to test if he had Freddy Krueger farts based on his hilarious question from last episode on “If you smell your farts in a dream, do you die?”

However all that happened when he farted in bed was that Hugo woke up annoyed at him.

”Bart! Gross!” Hugo yelled.

Bart laughed.

The next day Oscar was taking down the lettuce and cherries and putting up real holly and mistletoe. “Marge stop putting up salad vegetables my pet dinosaur Dino might eat! In fact...” Oscar dumped the lettuce and cherries, upon removing their stones of course, in a dog’s food bowl labelled Dino. A cartoon dinosaur that resembled a baby chomby dashed up to it and ate the lettuce.

Before Marge could protest, the door bell rang. Marge answered it. Gordon Ramsay was there. Yes he’s the guest celebrity.

”Marge I am here to help you run your B&B better, whether you want to or not. And I’ll be sodding hard on you so brace yourself! Where’s the lamb sauce?!” said Gordon.

”Gordon helps hotel and B&B owners as well as restaurants...” said Oscar.

Gordon was swearing.

”Oz, I like his food but I don’t like his swearing!” Marge complained.

”Well tough. You need him to be tough to sort out your attitude with running this B&B otherwise the only income we’re getting is from Homer’s job at the Power Plant.

The kids arrived.

”Mom we heard cursing. Oh my goodness! Is that TV chef Gordon Ramsay from Hell’s Kitchen?”

”What?! I hired Gordon Ramsay to mentor Marge?! No no no! I asked for Gordon the Gopher!” Oscar whined.

Everyone was silent. Crickets chirped.

”Oh screw you all! That was funny!” said Oscar.

“Marge what is with the fucking lettuce? Come on! Show some holiday spirit!” Gordon swore.

”Mr Ramsay do you know how hard it is to buy some holly or mistletoe in this town? Even plastic holly or mistletoe?” Marge questioned him. Big mistake!

”I’m tired of your fucking excuses Marge! Your dragging this B&B under.” Gordon swore.


Meanwhile Baby Jesus ran his very successful Hotel. I wonder if he wears diapers under that robe. Probably.

Vegeta was using the Lord’s name in vain while yelling at Nappa. “Oh God Da-“

Baby Jesus crossed his arms and gave Vegeta a look that said, “Oh really? Please continue. Go on, continue cursing. I dare you!”

”Gosh darn it Nappa....” Vegeta sighed.

Meanwhile Atem/Yami and Jack Atlas insulted Jaden’s Supreme King persona and made him cry.


Elsewhere at school. Dr Bonnie Jean Mulligan set up safe spaces for all the snowflakes enraged by Bart’s pranks to go and cry in. SJW students ran in there weeping.

She then tried to put a stop to spreading rumours and performing of pranks.

”No whoopee cushions, no slingshots, no stink bombs, no pea shooters no...”

However she didn’t bargain on Andy Hamilton leading an army of pranksters to turf her out of the school.

Andy Hamilton lead an army consisting of Bart Simpson, Milhouse, Oscar Tamaki, Ace Dracula Vlad Tepes. Calvin and his teddy tiger Hobbes, Dennis the Menace, both the blond American Dennis and the black haired sweater wearing British Dennis. They pelted Dr Mulligan with paint filled water balloons and paper planes until she left.

”No! Pranks upset people and hurt their feelings!” Dr Mulligan protested.

”Take a hike Dr Mulligan!” Bart yelled.

Lisa sighed as she witnessed this in the hallway with the lockers. Oh great... it’s the loser patrol again... “Loseeeeers!”

”Both my heroes are still alive Lis!” Bart retorted.

”Dang it!” Lisa yelled.


The Simpsons get ready to run the B&B so Gordon can see how a usual day of work plays out. Some test customers are bought in.

Bart put on his bellhop hat. He carried luggage about politely.

”Excellent! Excellent Bart!” Gordon was impressed and felt no need to swear.

”And I found the Lamb sauce in the disappearing Rec room.” Bart handed over a bottle of Lamb sauce.

Gordon was impressed.

Homer is provides drinks and taxi service.

Gordon was displeased the romantic horse carriage was a brick cart pulled by the dog and cat.

”No fucking shortcuts or substitutes! Homer where is the romance? The passion? For fuck sake you donkey!” Gordon swore.

Mr Ramsay I can’t afford to hire an actual carriage and horses...” Homer grunted annoyed.

Lisa was the maid cleaning. She found his praising condescending. She feels that way about every mean celebrity. Ie Simon Cowell etc.

Marge was tested with the test customers/guests singing Christmas carols.

They sang We Wish you a Merry Christmas.

We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year

Good tidings we bring to yo-

“No! No! No! No second verses! They creep me out!” Marge yelled.

”Marge! For fucks sake! You idiot sandwich! Let the guests sing! It’s fucking Christmas!” Gordon swore.

”Put her in the downstairs cupboard. She’s a lost cause... We’ll run this B&B without her...” said Oscar.

”Oscar.” said Gordon softly.


”You don’t seem very supportive of a coworker. A manager even...” said Gordon.

”I know Mr Ramsay. But she’s being so stubborn!” Oscar whined. “And to be honest when I called you up to help, I um wasn’t looking for you. I meant to hire Gordon the Gopher...”

Bart face palmed.


Eventually it was time for the staff to retire for the night so Gordon Ramsay went home, violating several quarantine orders because of a bought of Asian flu was rife that winter.

Oscar was annoyed Homed moved him from the spare room to a dust bin outside.

”Because you’re a real grouch...” said Homer. A studio audience laughed.

”Not funny!” Oscar yelled. The studio audience went Oooooooooooh!

Elsewhere Bart’s B story involved him as Baby Jesus and the actual Baby Jesus running a holy hotel and other babyish antics.

”I’d rather work on my pranks for the platinum raspberry award...” Bart groaned. Well you’re doing this!

In a hotel Baby Jesus was manning a desk.

Baby Bart in a diaper with a halo floating above his head came in with a feather duster. A studio audience cheered.

The two holy babies ran a hotel, somehow...

Oh and there’s cherubs as bellhops in little bellhop hats and diapers too.


At home.

The news was on. But something wasn’t right.

”People of my own back, not being made to say this... but I apologise for lying to you with this global warming nonsense.” said Kent.

”Called it!” Homer cheered.

”Daaaaaad!” Lisa yelled.

”People there’s no such thing as global warming! Global warming doesn’t exist! There is no Global Warming! The planet is fine. Now get back to driving your cars and using electricity.” said Kent. (Whispering) “Global Warming does exist! I don’t think the supervillain Republicans can bear us if we speak quietly...” But he was gunned down with machine gun fire. Goons in sunglasses took him away and Rich Texan did the news.

”Yeehaw! You hear that folks? Global warming and the environment is a lie! So enjoy what little time you have in this god forsaken rock!” said Rich Texan.

”Amen!” said Bart grinning.

Lisa seethed.

Elsewhere Milhouse ate gummy worms and played basketball naked.

”Milhouse sweetie. You know that annoys your friend Bart...” said Luanne sweetly.

”Yeah... I know Mom. I’m trolling him!” said Milhouse naked in the backyard dribbling a basketball.

Bart at Home furiously deleted all the Snotsapp pictures Milhouse was sending him.

”Let’s see what else is on TV.” said Bart.

Jerry Springer was on.

”Today, cannibal rehab.” said Jerry. People cheered. “My guests today are; Dr Hannibal Lector, The Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth, The god Kronos and Old King Winter.”

”Will you stop copying my thing! You know, the eating your own children thing!” Goya’s Kronos/Saturn yelled at Old King Winter.

Bart winced and changed the channel.

“X-Mas Men” was the show. It was the X Men cartoon but Christmas related.

Frosty the Hitman was Wolverine. For obvious reasons.

”Yes I get it... he has the wrist blades and sideburns...” Bart sighed.

Cyclops cooked the turkey with his heat vision. Um I think that’s heat vision...

And Jubilee insisted Ice Man and Pyro be the Freeze Miser and Heat Miser...

”I am not helping with your holly jolly holidays! I’m a bad guy... remember?!” Pyro yelled setting light to the Christmas tree.

Bart winced.

The Year Without Santa Claus was on.

”Oh! Oh! Oh! Keep this on! It’s fun!” said Oscar.

”No it’s corny and sappy... Hey!” Bart groaned but Oscar took the remote.

The Heat Miser sang. He was some sort of clown in Hell with flame hair.

”Haaaaaaaaaw! Shiny nosed clown!” Oscar squealed.

Bart sighed and face palmed.

Then The Shark Week Before Christmas was on. A documentary on sharks.

”Cooooool!” said Bart as according to Alvin he likes the movie Jaws.

There were sharks. Enough said.

The door bell rang.

I think we have guests. You better get ready...” said Oscar.

In the hall a New Yorker family arrived. However unlike Family Guy New Yorkers they weren’t annoying or obsessed with seeing the first autumn/Fall leaves.

”Bart take their bags. Bart? Um Sweetie?” Marge asked.

Bart yelped and ran in wearing his bellhop hat.

”Apologies Sir and Ma’am! Right this way!” Bart fetched their bags.

Marge was concerned Bart was running late.

”Shark week...” said Oscar.

”Oooooooh...” said Marge.


In the kitchen Gordon Ramsay threw out the Gatorade and Jell-O. He was mixing cocktails such as wassail with aromatic bitters and mulled wine.

Oscar baked a figgy pudding.

”I didn’t know you could cook. I’m impressed!” said Gordon Ramsay.

”Oh my god! Gordon Ramsay likes my cooking!” Oscar fangasmed. He composed himself. “Well it’s sporadic. I can’t prep a turkey without mishaps.”

”Well I’ll be happy to teach you. Because you’re willing to learn. I only yell at people who won’t listen.” said Gordon.

”Oh and Martha Stewart came in.” said Hugo as Martha Stewart came back to decorate the house hor Christmas.

Oscar screamed, “Witch! Witch!”

”Oz stop that!” Hugo said annoyed.

However Martha Stewart came across Mona, because she was visiting.

”Um... this is awkward...” said Mona. She used Martha’s name as a pseudonym.

”Yeah... can you not use my name to evade the authorities...” Martha sighed.

”Evade.... or Avoid....” Mona smirked.

”Oh don’t you start with the imply or implode thing Grandma...” Lisa groaned.

Plot 3[]

Meanwhile the guests watched TV in the lounge.

”Ooooooh! I’m missing the game...” Homer groaned.

”Homer you’re working...” said a camera man.

Homer groaned and acted as the maitre D. He minced about pouring drinks for thirsty guests.

On the TV was a movie called Boxing Day. It was strangely about boxing.

”Boring....” a Dad turned over the TV.

A programme featuring Snooki from Jersey Shores was on called Here Comes Snooki Clause.

”Smoosh Smoosh! Snooki want Smoosh Smoosh!” said Snooki.

”Flarf want Smoosh Smoosh.” said one of Oscar’s cute monsters that sounds like a Snarf from Thundercats or South Park Snooki.

Then The Girl With The Santa Tattoo was on another channel.

”Mom, can I get another tattoo...” Bart asked.

”Certainty not!” said Marge. “Why do you still have that Mother one?!”

”Because he does...” said Oscar.

Then the Kardashian Christmas was on! With Kwanza Kanye!”

”I’ll Kwanza you!!” Homer screamed at the TV.


Elsewhere we delve into the lives of non Christian Springfield citizens.

Apu was polishing his statue of Durga or Lakshmi.

Oscar popped over to misname his gods. “Elephant man, Diddy Kong, Johnny Six arms and Big Papa Smurf...”

”Get out!” Apu yelled.

”Kali Ma shakti de! Kali maaaaaa! Kali maaaaaa!” Oscar yelled and teleported out.

In Moe’s he served his customers Barney, Lenny and Carl while Lord Naga, god of snakes and Phobetor of dogs (Greek primeval god of nightmares but for dogs.) were fighting.

”Hey don’t fight in my bar!” Moe yelled.

”Well pick one of us to worship then!” The gods yelled.

”Can’t I worship Baal? That would hilarious! Imagine Ned’s reaction!” said Moe.

Oscar then warped to a Chinese restaurant. There were loads of Jews inside eating.

”Oh yeah... apparently Jews eat Chinese food while Christians have Christmas...” said Oscar.

Jurkle was slurping up noodles.

And the Hibberts celebrated Kwanza, Which Homer is strangely hostile too. Maybe only when Bart mentions it.


Oscar teleported home just in time to help Ramsay cook.

Oscar insisted of prawn cocktail to start.

”Oz I’m allergic to prawns and shrimp...” Bart whined.

Meanwhike the guests watched more daft Christmas programmes. Some of the kids played chess or Snakes and Ladders.

“Chutes and Ladders in the States...” said Bart.

”Snakes and Ladders!” Oscar screamed as he mixed the Mariana sauce.

”No Oz! We had to change the name because of Samuel L Jackson hates Snakes!” said Bart.

On TV...

“Hitler’s Christmas in Hell.”

(Pained German screams)

”Good riddance...” Oscar snapped.

“The Dreidel will Rock.”

Oscar got a text from Jurkle.

”Just pick The Dreidel will Rock...” Oscar texted back.


Homer was Santa.

”Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!”

”Santa!” said the kids cheering.

”Oh really?” Bart smirked. He yanked off Homer’s fake beard.

”D’oh!” Homer grunted. “Why you holiday wrecking little!” He throttled Bart.

”This family is dysfunctional...” Gordon Ramsay winced.

”I know. Sending Marge to her sisters and hiring a temporary manageress hasn’t helped... I know!” Oscar had an idea.

”You’re firing me?!” Bart whined.

”Yeah and you’re replaced by the funny bellhop from Mysims on the Wii.” said Oscar.

The clumsy Bellhop caused amusing situations.

Bart stormed off to his room.

Meanwhile in canon Homer was pirating movies. Obviously he hasn’t learned from the time he pirated illegal cable.

”Dad have you not learned from the time you installed illegal cable...” Lisa glared at her dad.

”Obviously not...” said Homer streaming the new Radioactive Man Movie of Pirate Bay...

”I have. I still have nightmares about Jim Carey as the Cable Guy...” Oscar shivered traumatised.

We cut to the cover of The Cable Guy with Jim Carey leering evilly and holding an electrified cable.

”Aaaaaaagh!” Oscar screamed.

”What about Stay Tuned? Where a guy sells his soul to the devil for illegal cable... Mwuhahahaha!” Bart laughed.

”I like the cartoon mice.” said Oscar.

”Can you keep it down... I’m reading Harry Potter...” said Lisa.

Saturday the B&B was closed so the Simpsons could go out to the cinema. Simply so they can update me on their latest movies they like.

”Yeah the last Space mutants was ten years ago... and it was dire...” said Bart. “I have new tastes.”

”Such as...” Oscar asked.

”There’s a new Radioactive Man out called Radioactive Man Rising.” said Bart.

They watch a Radioactive Man film where he fights the pollution squad. Old King Coal, the Fracker and Petroleus Rex a T. rex with gasoline pumps that belch fire. And the radiation woman. An evil gender bent version of Radioactive man who is radioactive and deadly. Where as RM revealed at some point he was harmless despite obtaining his powers from radiation.

Oh and dinosaur guy Petroleus Rex was originally the Lizard Professor of Spider-Man of Radioactive Man’s universe in that he was a brilliant scientist but his powers turned him crazy and he became evil. Radioactive man got distracted trying to appeal to his good nature.

“And there’s not been a Happy Little Elves Movie out recently. So I’ve got into Galaxy Wars.” said Lisa. A Star Wars parody...

”She’s really into it...” Bart groaned.

Lisa was making lightsaber sounds and roaring like Chewbacca.

Bart winced.

”Coooool! She’s nuts!” said Oscar.


Meanwhile in the adventures of Baby Bart as the baby Jesus and the actual baby Jesus.

A Homer like guest was drinking wine.

Baby Bart nodded and a cute doink sound played.

The guest spat out his drink. “Water?! What horrible miracle is this?!”

Baby Bart laughed.

Elsewhere the Simpsons sat down with Gordon Ramsay to discuss who was holding the B&B back. Like he does on Kitchen and Hotel Nightmares.

”Well it’s obvious that Marge is causing all the customers to leave by being rude to them! Not letting them sing! Substituting things for cheap unwanted replacements like lettuce and cherry mistletoe and Gatorade that’s been microwaved for Wassail!” Oscar ranted.

”Oh that’s rich coming from you you little!” Marge answered back.

”Oh and your pancakes are so dry Mom! I had eight guests say so!” said Lisa.

”My pancakes are not dry!” Marge yelled.

Gordon Ramsay head desked. “It seems to me Marge that you can’t take criticism or accept blame...”

”I’m perfect!” Marge snapped.

”And Bart you were late to a shift and caused mischief for the B&B Santa Claus. This isn’t a playground!” Gordon Ramsay scolded Bart.

”Eat my shorts!” Bart retorted.

Gordon swore.

”Mr Ramsay watch your language!” Marge gasped.

”I am now imagining what would happen if we hired Gordon the Gopher to help mentor our B&B...” said Oscar.

Near the beginning of this episode shortly before Gordon arrived.

The door bell rang.

Marge answered.

Phillip Schofield was at the door with Gordon the Gopher.

Gordon squeaked.

”Haaaaaaaw! Gordon!” Oscar squealed from his Aspergers.

Marge sighed.

Obviously no one understood him because he squeaked.


Gordon sighed. “I think Oscar, that we all need to find something good in each other. Say something positive about working with Marge.”

”Well... She’s not the worst person I’ve ran a B&B with....” said Oscar. “That would have to be Peter Griffin. He kept throwing boiling hot bowls of soup in the guests faces for some reason and insulting his daughter and farting in her face in front of guests....”

“Good. We’re getting somewhere.” said Gordon as Marge smiled glad Oscar didn’t find her the worst person to work for.

”Now any questions?” Gordon asked.

”Yeah. Um if we were having guests over night. Uh how were they coping with our um nocturnal habits. Cough Homer’s snoring cough...” Oscar asked.

”You can ask the guests yourself.” said Gordon as he did his bring back angry customers to tell the owners exactly how their dinners went...

”Homer your snoring kept me and my wife up all night.” said a husband with his wife.

”Bart please stop stinking out your room with farts...” a guest sighed.

Bart laughed.

”Marge why did you book us into your attic?!” A guest asked.

”I was being economical with the rooms...” said Marge.

”I want to be a fly on the wall in that situation...” Oscar smirked.

”It’s the attic. The mutant’s room Oz. Use your imagination, what do you think happened?” Homer sighed.

”They had tea with Hugey?” Oscar asked.


Gordon’s next thing he was doing to improve the Simpsons B&B was to do a Four in the Bed thing where the Simpsons visit other B&Bs.

”Like that time I sent Rod and Todd to the W.I.T.C.H cartoon because there’s brothers called Rod and Todd there.’ said Oscar.

”Um no.....” said Bart.

The girls from W.I.T.C.H grimaced exasperated.

The Simpsons stayed at a B&B ran by perpetually smiling freaks. They were smiling and being lovely while carving the turkey.

”Oh look! Napkins!” said Marge.

”Yum!” said Hugo drooling.

Bart winced.

”Well family?” Homer asked his family.

”These guys are obviously freaks...” said Bart.

”Oh yeah? Well let’s see the next B&B.” Homer growled menacingly at Bart.

It was British one. Or possibly a run down one or the owners were goths or Wiccan or something.

“Anyway I can’t say enough how, at least you lot have progressed.” said Gordon Ramsay. “Unlike that time I tried to help the ABC bakery aka Amy’s Bakery....”

“Oh yeah... The husband has been deported now.” said Oscar. “Obviously he was here illegally...”

”I laughed at that time you tried to help an old hag at her hotel and she kept pooping on the floors! Gahahahaha!” Bart laughed.

Marge and Lisa sighed exasperated by Bart’s sense of humour.

Plot 4[]