Soccer Mom A sort of sequel to Marge Gamer. The Simpsons swap hobbies so this time it’s Bart and Marge taking up soccer and Homer and Lisa taking up online gaming. Bart’s soccer game descends into pandemonium with Oscar’s Aspergers trigged by the pentagon spotted ball and having to deal with random cartoon characters.
Meanwhile in Earthland Realms Homer tries to design his character before deciding on himself dressed as Link from Zelda.
It was one summers day at the Simpsons. You can tell because Bart is wearing his Bermuda swimming trunks and a Hawaiian shirt and sandals. Marge has just bought Burger King for lunch.
“Moooooom... couldn’t you have done better than Burger King...” Bart sighed as he collected his lunch. “We have four Krusty Burgers local to us!”
The camera pans to look at the houses across the street. Krusty burger signs poke up over the horizon.
Inside the Simpsons ate their lunch.
Grampa was the next to complain.
“I wanted an emperor burger! She got me a cheeseburger!” Grampa whined.
“Oh clam it Dad!” Homer yelled.
“She knows I hate cheese...” Grampa groaned.
XD Grampas and emperor burgers...
“What’s he whining about Marge?” Homer asked.
“He wanted a emperor burger. We can’t afford extravagant burgers for lunch so I got him a cheeseburger.” said Marge sighing.
“Oh. You heard the lady Dad! Eat your stupid cheeseburger and quit complaining!” Homer yelled at Gramps.
“Dad no! Don’t you know it’s a felony to force feed an old age pensioner!” said Lisa.
“I got pickles in mine! I hate pickles!” Hugo yelled.
Homer sulked. “How is it we can’t afford more than a basic burger for lunch?” Homer asked.
“Oooooh! It’s my fault dear! I never should have signed up to that dreadful Earthland Realms. I’ve spent hundreds on expansion packs and subscriptions!” Marge cried.
“There there, Marge. That’s called an addiction... like when you got addicted to legalised gambling. Remember when you got addicted to legalised gambling.” Homer spoke to her in a mock comforting tone.
“Yes dear...” Marge sighed annoyed at him patronising her.
“Mom maybe you should take up a new hobby. Like a sport!” said Lisa.
“Yeah I’ve taken up soccer.” said Bart suddenly dressed in a football kit. “I could really use a coach mom.”
“You want me as a coach?” Marge asked.
“Why sure!” said Bart. “That Mean Soccer Mom from Glee is doing it! Why not?”
“Okay sweetie I will!” said Marge.
“That reminds me. I got Jane Lynch and Judge Constance Harm to have a competition to see who’s the meanest and nastiest.” said Oscar.
“Oh that’s no contest! I’m TVs meanest mom remember! Bwahahahaha!” said Judge Constance Harm laughing wickedly.
The Simpsons sighed with sweat drops.
Marge went to Bart’s soccer game. He was wearing a red and blue striped kit. Like one of the Spanish teams like Barcelona or Real Madrid.
Ironically Bart’s soccer training ground backed onto the backyard of the house, like the nuclear plant did once.
“While you’re getting rehab honey I’ll take up online gaming in your steed. Gotta find something to do with my bad leg.” said Homer.
“Hmmmmm.... we should have never went to that YMCA centre.” Marge sighed.
Bart’s team consisted of himself, Milhouse, Nelson and Jimbo among others.
Jimbo took this opportunity to give Bart a wedgie.
“Hey back off James! Bart’s in my gang now! You mess with him you mess with me!” said Nelson. Nelson, Bart and the weasels got into a fight with Jimbo’s gang.
Marge sighed and face palmed.
“This game is already descended into a brawl... it can’t get any worse...” said Marge.
Oscar ran on the pitch squealing “Haaaaaaaauuuuuw! Spottie!” while hugging a soccer ball with pentagons on it.
Meanwhile Homer and Lisa were getting set up on Earthland Realms. Lisa wasn’t sure about the whole thing.
“It’s a money sink disguised as a role playing game. A poorly wrote out one at that! I’ve seen better written fantasy stories like Angelica button, Lord of the Rings...” Lisa ranted.
“Hey look! You can be a fairy princess!” laid Homer setting his character to a girly fairy. With a sprite that kept yelling “Hey! Listen!” In a high pitched voice.
“Um I’m not comfortable in this form...” said Homer’s character.
“Oh sweet! Gimme!” said Lisa. Being a girly cute fairy was enough to convince her. She made her character a fairy class.
“Ha! I just made my character dress like Link from your brother’s Zelda games!” Homer laughed as he made his character look like his Neverquest self.
They got started in the starting town.
Lisa the fairy wasn’t sure about Link Homer. “I’m surprised Nintendo’s copyright lawyers aren’t suing this game right now...”
Link Homer walked into a wall.
Marge put a stop to the boys fighting.
“Stop it stop it stop it! Look you’re making the referee cry!” said Marge pulling the boys apart.
Gil as they ref cried.
“Jimbo started it!” Bart yelled.
“I don’t care who started it! I don’t want to see you boys fight like that ever again! Do I make myself clear?!” Marge told them off.
“Yes mom...” said Bart.
“Yes Mrs Simpson...” said the others.
“Good now everyone line up at the goal. I’ll be teaching you how to defend.” said Marge.
Bart, Milhouse, Nelson and Jimbo lined up as quartet as you have four players defending. They shielded their crotches except Milhouse who had his arms out eagerly to intercept the ball.
“See! Milhouse is in the mood!” said Marge. “Catch the ball!” She kicked the ball hard. It winded Milhouse because it hit his groin.
Bart laughed. “The ball his groin! It works on so many levels!”
Jay Sherman sighed.
Next was using cones to dribble the ball in a path. Barney was throwing up in one as he was clearly drunk.
“Barney...” Marge sighed.
Then was juggling the ball by kicking it up into the air.
Oscar was drawing Bart as Ball Boy from the Beano.
Homer and Lisa were training in the newbie area.
“How long do we have to kill gnomes for?” Homer whined.
“Until Bart and Mom get home so we can join forces with them.” said Lisa.
“This sucks! Is there a tavern in this game?” asked Homer.
“Yes there is actually! And what a surprise it’s ran by Moe...” Lisa sighed as she checked the map,
They went back to town and found Troll Moe running a bar.
“What will it be Homer. Grog or grog light?” said Moe.
“Grog.” said Homer paying with gold for a grog.
“Why am I RPing being at a Moe’s when I can actually be there!” Homer in the real world sighed. He logged off. “Daddy wants to go to see Moe in real life sweetie so you’ll have to go.” said Homer.
Lisa sighed as she got ready to go out.
Bart’s football game took a surreal turn when Oscar took liberties with the opposition team. It was a team of monsters lead by Teddy his teddy bear.
Teddy sized Bart up then sneezed on his shirt a snotty message saying “I’m cute!”
“Eeeeugh!” Bart groaned at the snotty message.
Then the other players on each team were introduced.
On Bart’s side characters from the Likeaballs cartoon. The soccer ball character with a dark blue almost black shiny nose. And the clown character with a big red shiny nose.
“Clooooown!” Oscar squealed. He was midfielder wearing just a diaper. Yes Baby Oscar playing fourth grade soccer...
”No! No clowns!” Bart groaned at Oscar getting obsessed with clowns again.
And also on Bart’s team was Ball Boy from the Beano. Clown Mac from Foster’s Home for imaginary friends. Two cartoon boys with red and white Bart spike masks on their heads to look like Bart’s spikes. And wearing those giant foam hands.
“Uh...” Bart sighed.
On Teddy’s team was Teddy himself. Clownja. A giant cartoon baby wearing a diaper. Mud monsters. Dino. Snot Teddy. Zombies etc.
“This is even more surreal than that Soccer Mummy movie trailer.” Bart sighed.
There was the Soccer Mummy trailer. A film about an Egyptian mummy playing soccer. He sees the pretty cheerleaders and gets a boner despite being dead.
At Moe’s they found he redecorated it into an Internet cafe.
“Internet cafe uh! Aren’t you worried about competition from the Java Server?” Homer asked.
“Nope. Does The Java Server serve alcohol?” said Moe.
“No. In fact they barred me once for bring in my own Duff.” said Homer.
“My point exactly.” said Moe smugly. “Now what will it be Homer?”
“Duff.” said Homer as Moe only served Duff. Comic book guy wanted raspberry Schnapps but he didn’t have it. The bottle was just painted on the wall.
“Wait if we’re here and Mom and Bart are at Bart’s soccer game, where’s Maggie?” Lisa asked.
Maggie and Hugo were home alone.
“Looks like it’s just you and me again Maggie...” said Hugo.
Maggie sucked her pacifier.
“Meh...” said Homer drinking and playing Earthland Realms.
“Hey Moe you’ve really made your tavern on Earthland Realms feel like home!” said Carl. “It really feels like the old place. Everyone’s here even Barney!”
Troll Barney burped in the game.
“Yeah I knew you guys would sign up if I did.” said Moe.
“Hey who wants to trade for an obsidian scimitar?” Lenny asked.
“Nah... my character class can’t wield scimitars.” said Homer.
The very surreal football game started.
“I’m open! I’m open!” Oscar was ready to get the ball but Teddy tackled him.
Baby Oscar gurgled as Teddy smooshed his big wet shiny nose into his face.
Bart passed to Nelson instead.
Nelson encountered some zombies so passed to Ball Boy. However he got ambushed by mud monsters as the cartoony mud monsters had created a patch of quicksand that he sunk into.
“Eeeeugh! I’m stuck!” He groaned as the mud monsters took the ball and started headering it.
Ball boy slowly sunk up to his waist in the mud.
Martin turned into his Halloween costume from I’ve grown a costume on your face. Oberon king of the fairies. Oscar used his Magic the gathering cards to summon Earthbind. Hentai vines from the ground grabbed Fairy Martin and tied him up. He grimaced as they tied him up.
Milhouse intercepted the ball from a blue Teddy. But a giant snail behind him slimed him!
Milhouse found he was glued to the ground with snail slime. “Ugh! Snail slime!” He tried to tear free but couldn’t.
Oscar saw Milhouse struggle and wet himself with arousal because e has a stuck fetish.
The cartoon baby projectile vomited at Bart’s team mates.
“Eeeew! Oz...” Bart sighed. He somehow got the ball but was intercepted by Meuka who slime diapered him and held him by his slimy tail holding Bart’s slime diaper dangling him up and down.
Bart grunted frustrated trying to break free of the gooey snot.
”Oz can you stop being weird or disgusting over gross out humour...” Nelson sighed.
”I’m the author here. Not you!” Oscar retorted as Teddy sniffed his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose.
Bart groaned and struggled as Meuka kicked the soccer ball away down the other end of the pitch.
Homer and Lisa went on a quest to slay the two headed dragon. Along the way they befriended hobbits. Rod and Todd and Ralph hobbits of course.
“I’m a hobbit!” Said Ralph hobbit.
“Shouldn’t this be where we learn a valuable message? Like Bart learning to tolerate Mom’s company and Mom learning not to mess with other family members’ stuff?” Lisa asked.
‘Or you learning not to play dirty at soccer?” Homer asked.
“Yes Dad...” Lisa sighed.
Actually I’m just writing crap right now.
Meanwhile Bart was slimed to a tree by meuka. He struggled and squirmed.
“Oscar no more silliness...” Marge sighed.
Oscar was pulling Teddy’s boogers. He pulled himself free of the goo and waved his wand to magic all the silly characters away.
That early evening during TV dinners. Instead of watching TV the Simpsons were playing Earthland Realms. Cleric Marge, Bart as the Shadow knight, fairy Lisa and Link Homer and Satyr Oscar. They were wandering the land of Earthland Realms in the Fairytale Forest area.
“This area is for noobs...” The Shadow Knight sighed.
“Hey we joined later so we all have to catchup...” said Link Homer.
Suddenly they encountered Hansel Bart and Gretal Lisa leaving their pumpkin house to run an errand.
“NPCs! I’m gonna prank then.” said the Shadow knight.
Hansel and Gretal came to a bridge. Hansel despite his sister’s warnings tried to cross it.
“None shall pass!” said the Shadow Knight.
“Aaaaaagh! An evil knight! Run!” said Hansel screaming and running away. The siblings ran away.
“Oscar are you drinking?!” Marge told Oscar the satyr off for drinking grog.
“I’m a satyr. My race is supposed to drink...” said Oscar drinking grog.
”Anyway this isn’t the first time we’ve dabbled in playing an RPG.” said Lisa.
”It is for me sweetie.” said Marge as she only started playing Earthland Realms a few episodes ago.
”Yes Mom but I’m an avid fan of table top Dungeon Dice RPGs and an expert DM. (Dungeon Master in an RPG.)” said Lisa referencing Dumb Dumbs and Dragons.
”And I got stuck in that Wizards and Wyverns board game once where some fan fiction writer was trying to reference Jumanji.” said Bart as the Shadow Knight. “Anyway I’m still humiliated the other players online no longer fear me and my reputation as the deadliest player on this server...”
Meanwhile in the main town there was talk of the Shadow Knight returning.
“It wasn’t a case of if but when. I mean this would be a pretty crummy RPG if when your character died you stayed dead permanently and have to make a whole new character.” said Moe. “Death is just a minor inconvenience except Earthland Realms boasts being able to depict realistic violence and gore.”
“Less chatting more Grog!” said Barney troll.
Moe sighed be poured him another glass of grog.
Marge lead her family n the form of their RPG characters in the Earthland Realms RPG.
”Hmmmmmmmm... When I think of all the RPG games we signed up to or Oscar bought for the Gamestation 3000 and no longer played...” Marge sighed.
In reality a shelf in the downstairs cupboard laid upon it was... Lisa’s Vikings and Vampires Table top RPG equipment. A copy of Neverquest for the Gamestation. Final Fantasy VII... World of Warcraft... Wizards and Wyverns...
“Gotta keep up with the sheeple...” said Oscar.
”Yeah sure popularity and wanting the latest game on time while it’s still new is brainwashing Oz...” Bart as the Shadow Knight sighed.