Slideshow Bob Bart keeps seeing Sideshow Bob so Marge takes him to the psychiatrist. First he sees Dr Marvin Monroe but this hasn't worked so she takes Bart to see the somewhat sinister looking hypnotist. But is Bart right all along?
One morning at work Homer is in the men's toilets when he finds some glasses in a toilet.
"Woohoo! Well this is certainly the most interesting thing I've found in a toilet today!" said Homer. He tries the glasses on. Yeeeuck!
Homer recites Scarecrow's recital of Pythagoras's theorem from The Wizard of Oz.
"The sum of squares of the sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the sum of the remaining sides." said Homer.
"That's a right triangle you idiot!" said a man in a cubicle.
"D'oh!" said Homer.
Meanwhile Mr Burns was finishing a meeting with Henry Kissinger.
"I hope you find your glasses soon Henry." said Mr Burns.
"Um yes, I probably left them in the car." said Henry Kissinger. Nobody must know I dropped them in the toilet, not I, Henry Kissinger who drafted the Paris peace accord... Henry Kissinger thought to himself.
They silently said goodbye awkwardly as Henry had been standing silently mumbling in deep thought.
At Home Homer wore Henry Kissinger's glasses.
"Dad! You shouldn't wear glasses not prescribed to you!" Lisa explained. "They can really mess up your vision!"
"Lisa, just because you're ten feet tall doesn't mean you can tell me what to do!" said Homer seeing them all distorted and blurry.
"I'm Bart..." said blurry Bart.
"Gimme those!" Lisa snatched the glasses from Homer.
Bart was watching a talk show hosted by Troy McClure.
"And now for our special guest, Professor Rubbermouth!" said Troy. A man who looked like a professor arrived on stage and sat down. He smiled a very wide smile revealing he had several American Pool balls in his mouth.
"Ay carumba!" said Bart.
"Ok shows over, the game's on..." said Homer turning over the TV to watch Football.
Bart sighed. "I'm going out..."
Bart went out skateboarding with Oscar.
A man ran past screaming and on fire.
Bart and Oscar grimaced at this sight.
Meanwhile in Springfield Penitentiary a sinister theme played as someone was making very threatening number plates for vehicles. They read things like "D13 B4RT" and "I K1LL U" and "R1P B4RT", "B4RT D0A" and "I H8 B4RT" That prisoner making them is Sideshow Bob! Dun dun dun!
Bart sees a car with one of the threatening number plates. "Wait Oscar. Did you see that?"
"See what?" Oscar asked.
"That car had a number plate reading "D13 B4RT!" said Bart a little concerned.
"Hey that one looks like it says Devil but with a three for an E and a one for an I!" said Oscar.
"Oz... I don't care, just look for any number plates with Bart on them!" said Bart.
"That one says Bort." said Oscar.
"Forget it..." Bart sighed. They went to the kwik e mart.
Oscar made a flying and singing pickle appear.
”I’ve been working on the rail road! All the live long daaaay!” The flying pickle sang.
”Oz get rid of that flying and singing pickle thing now!” Bart yelled.
”Spoilsport...” Oscar sighed.
"Bart look!" Oscar realized what he meant. There were many cars in the Kwik e mart car park with threatening number plates involving Bart with messages like "D13 B4RT."
"Who would do such a thing?!" Bart asked worried.
"Who has sworn revenge on you lately?" Oscar asked.
"Well let's see... Dr. Demento...The Post lady...I wouldn't exactly say Moe because he doesn't know I'm his prank caller... Linda Lavin.... Ah! Sideshow Bob!" Bart said with a gasp when he twigged Sideshow Bob was the most likely candidate.
"He'd do something so cliched like threatening number plates?" Oscar asked.
"The prison does labour programmes like number plate making to keep the prisoners busy. I don't see why not." said Bart.
"Isn't he afraid of getting caught?" said Oscar.
"I don't think that crossed his mind. He's warning me." said Bart. "I just know I'll be seeing him soon. Let's get home. Actually take a few photos of those number plates first..."
Oscar took photos with his camera phone.
Bart and Oscar rushed home.
"Bart, what's wrong?" Marge asked.
"I think Sideshow Bob is sending me threatening messages! Look at these number plates Oscar took photos of!" Bart explained.
Oscar showed his video phone's photos. They were of the threatening number plates.
Marge believed him instantly as she went through them. Then she frowned and moaned at Bart as the last photo was of Bart with his pants down showing his butt towards Oscar's camera phone.
"Bart really wanted me to take that picture..." said Oscar smirking.
The entire Simpson family looked through the photos Oscar printed off, except the one of Bart mooning which he deleted.
Marge called the Springfield Penitentiary. However Wiggum explained Sideshow Bob was locked away.
”He’s in a production of Les Miserable.” said Wiggum.
"I wouldn't worry Bart. Chief Wiggum says he's still locked up." said Marge.
Bart knew better though, that Bob didn't stay locked up for long.
One day he was out and saw a palm tree but thought it was Sideshow Bob and screamed. However it was just a palm tree in a car park for a restaurant. Bart sighed with relief.
The he saw a silhouette of Sideshow Bob and gasped but it was just a Mardi Gras jester going to the launderette wearing his jingling bell hat.
Then he saw a bush shaped like Sideshow Bob's hair.
Bart ran home and tried to explain he was seeing Sideshow Bob everywhere.
"Oh sweetie, you're so frightened that your mind is playing tricks on you!" said Marge.
"Let's take him to a psychiatrist and pump him full of pills! Or give him electro therapy!" Homer suggested.
"No!" Marge told him off. "But Sweetie will you consider talking to Dr Marvin Monroe?" Marge asked.
"I suppose so..." Said Bart.
Bart was in Dr Marvin Monroe's office on the lying down couch being asked questions.
"Uh that couch isn't good for your posture Bart. Just talk to the bunny rabbit." Dr Marvin Monroe gave him a bunny rabbit plushie to talk to.
Bart sighed in embarrassment.
Meanwhile Sideshow Bob had escaped the Shawshank Redemption way. By the prison sewage pipe and some time later after getting a shower and clean clothes at the Bates Motel he wandered about trying to remain unseen until he found a business card. It read "Karl Fierstein, master makeover artist and master of disguises."
"Ah! How quaint!" said Sideshow Bob. However he stepped on a rake and it slammed into his face. He groaned.
Dr Marvin Monroe couldn't help. "However I can recommend a hypnotist." He showed them into his colleuge's office. Bart gulped as they were the seemingly evil or very sinister hypnotist from Merry Simpmas who was Homer's teacher when he became a Mall Santa.
"Well it hasn't really came up that he's evil folks, but look at him! Doesn't he look sinister to you?!" Bart addressed the fourth wall.
"Oh dear... now he's talking to himself Doc..." Marge sighed.
The hypnotist was writing something. "Bart sit down." He said calmly but was deadly serious showing no emotion. Bart sat down. "Bart, look deep into my eyes..." he tried hypnotizing Bart with his stopwatch.
"Oh the old swinging stopwatch hypnotist trick... boriiiiing..." Bart sighed as it was cliched and didn't work. However it soon did as the hypnotist had some kind of power over Bart.
"There is no Sideshow Bob." said the hypnotist.
"There is no Sideshow Bob..." said Bart in a trance.
"You will go home content and happy." said the hypnotist.
"I will go home content and happy." said Bart.
"You will share your Butterfingers." said the hypnotist.
"Hey don't push it Doc." said Bart breaking trance.
Elsewhere Sideshow Bob went to visit Karl, Homer's old friend from work who used to coach him when he was an executive.
"Yes?" said Karl.
"Can you make me a woman?" Sideshow Bob asked.
"Ooooh honey! I'm so happy!" said Karl embracing him in a hug because he thought Sideshow Bob was coming out.
"Um... well this is a little forward!" said Sideshow Bob.
"Oh sorry. I get like that sometimes." said Karl.
"That's okay. Let's just get down to business." said Sideshow Bob.
Soon he had one heck of a make over. He was wearing a short black wig and had jungle red nails. He looked like Mystic Meg or the Grand High Witch from Roald Dahl's The Witches Movie.
"Oh he was like the Bay of Pigs that night!" said Sideshow Bob in character. "I hope you're using Jungle red as that's my color." Bob had second thoughts. "I dunno, don't you think this'll scare the children?" said Sideshow Bob baring his nails like claws.
"Well you look like that scary witch off the TV..." said Karl.
"Let's go for latex." said Karl.
He made Sideshow Bob into an old Jewish woman!
"Oh such a shande! I knew I should have never brought Gribniz from a Mohel! So chewy!" said Sideshow Bob in character. A gribniz is a type of dumpling. "I don't know, I feel like someone's mother!"
"Don't worry darling, I promise we will find your look." said Karl.
"But look at this dimple we've got going!" said Sideshow Bob as an old Jewish woman. Then he started singing Matchmaker, Matchmaker make me a match with Karl.
”Matchmaker! Matchmaker! Make me a match! Find me a find! Catch me a catch!”
Bob then had a makeover to look like Barbara Streisand. He started singing from one of her musicals.
"Don't bring around a cloud to ruin my paraaaade!" Sideshow Bob sang. However he didn't like the look.
"I need to go older." He said.
"Older? You mean like Shelly Winters older or Shelly McClain?" Karl asked.
"What's the difference?" Sideshow Bob asked.
"Some scotch tape and red hair dye." said Karl.
Sideshow Bob shivered in disgust at thoughts about old celebrities not growing old gracefully. "What about Joan Collins?"
"Oh I don't think I have the strength..." said Karl.
Then he made Sideshow Bob into an old woman, a sweet nice looking old woman.
"I like this! But could I go any older?" said Sideshow Bob as an old lady.
"Any older and you'd be dead." said Karl.
Bart came home relaxed an Happy but acting like a zombie.
Marge was concerned.
"Relax Marge, at least he's not screaming about Sideshow Bob." said Homer. "Now how about getting his weirdo friend hypnotized..."
Oscar was in the backyard squealing at Bart's soccer ball that had black pentagons on it.
"(Guttural throat sound) Spotty!" Oscar squealed hugging the soccer ball.
Marge and Homer rolled their eyes.
“Mooooom! Make Oscar give me back my soccer ball!” Bart whined.
“Haaaaaaaaaaw!” Oscar was squealing because of his autism.
“Oz sweetie...” Marge sighed. “Come inside and watch cartoons...”
“I wanna hug the spotty ball!” Oscar whined holding the soccer ball with black pentagons on it.
The Simpsons hired a babysitter to look after their kids. Sideshow Bob's alter ego. However Homer got stupid and took her wig off because he thought she was Mrs Doubtfire.
Maggie was in her crib taking a nap while Lisa was in her room playing her saxophone.
Bob's hair sprung up. This broke Bart's amnesia trance. "Nyaaaaagh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart screamed.
Sideshow Bob ran away lest he be sent back to prison. He had to get a new disguise too!
Sideshow Bob managed to find someone who fell for his costume. The Van Houtens. And what luck! Bart was staying over at the time!
However Sideshow Bob needed to pee and forgot he was a woman and stood up to pee in the bathroom. He also didn't lock himself in.
Bart saw him and screamed.
"She's a He she!" He yelled.
Milhouse asked; "A what?!"
"Half man, half woman!" Bart explained.
"Now now young Bartholomew..." said Sideshow Bob in character as his alter ego. "I'm not who you think I am..."
"Yeah no shit!" Bart yelled brandishing a baseball bat.
"Watch you're language young man!" said Sideshow Bob in his real voice.
"Get outta here before I call the cops! Or worse!" Bart warned him.
"Why you little brat!" Sideshow Bob in costume as the old lady chased Bart and Milhouse.
Oscar helped them. "We'll Home Alone the house!"
Bart was confused.
"... Booby trap it. You can't tell me you've never seen Home Alone..." Oscar sighed.
They set up booby traps to harm and humiliate Bob. such as paint cans on strings flying down the stairs like flails.
"Okay I surrender! But I will be back Simpson!" said Sideshow Bob as he escaped in a mess from some of the traps.
"Eat my shorts, Bob!" Bart taunted.
Things got worse for Bob as some kids in an apartment block saw him getting changed into his alter ego and laughed.
In haste to shut the blinds he knocked his mask into the road below and a truck ran it over.
He returned it squashed to Karl.
"Here, look after this one. She's delicate!" said Karl giving him a new mask.
Sideshow Bob's nanny character manages to infiltrate the Simpsons house because Homer wasn't there in one of his stupid moods.
However Bart was there and immediately recognized Bob. He was plotting something.
Bob had various mishaps preparing dinner such as accidentally spilling the entire pepper shaker into the food. He swore loudly.
Then he tasted the soup.
"Why can I smell burnt rubber?" Bob asked.
He suddenly realized his boobs were on fire. He screamed and used pot lids to try to put them out.
"Hey Nanny, need some water?" Bart asked in a baby voice. He had a water seltzer presumably full of water.
"Yes child spray me oh please!" said Bob in character as the old lady.
Bart smirked and sprayed lots of water on him. However it wasn't water as he ignited violently. It was lighter fluid!
Sideshow Bob screamed and ran away on fire.
Then he activated a booby trap that slammed a cream pie with lots of cream in his face.
Marge and Homer came home to see him/her on fire with cream on their face.
"Hellooooooo!" said Bob's Nanny character.
"Oh I'm sorry dear, as you can see I'm a little on fire and I must look like a yeti in this face mask!" said the nanny.
"Is that meringue cream?!" Marge asked. Apparently she can determine dessert cream no matter what.
“Bart! Stop setting the nanny on fire!” Homer yelled at Bart as if this was something he did regularly.
“Who said I don’t do this regularly?” Bart asked with an evil smirk. “Set people on fire, tar and feather them... I’ve done it all...”
The Simpsons put out Sideshow Bob’s Nanny character and cleaned her up.
Bart was grounded and immediately sent to his room.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into Bart.” said Marge.
“That’s okay dear. Boys will be boys!” the nanny said warmly.
Bart was grounded for setting fire to the nanny.
“I have to do some shopping dears!” said the nanny to the Simpsons in a female voice.
“That’s nice Ms Pennysnich...” said Marge.
“Tonights dinner is going to be a real killer Bart Simpson! Hahahahaha!” said Sideshow Bob’s real voice. He laughed and went to the shops but stepped on a rake along the way.
Because Bart lost TV privileges Oscar got to watch Lassie.
Little Timmy was chasing a frog in a jungle when he stumbled into some thick, mucky quicksand....
“Ugh! Quicksand! Heeeeeelp!” He cried as he sunk in the quicksand.
Oscar got extremely aroused by the quicksand and masturbated violently.
“Mom! He’s doing his thing again!” Lisa cried.
Meanwhile Sideshow Bob as the nanny was attending a meeting with Harvey Fierstein and Robin Williams and that sour faced lady from Liar Liar.
“I do voices.” said Robin Williams.
“What do you mean you do voices?” The sour faced lady asked.
“I do voices.” said Robin Williams.
He did voices.
“We came to Earth too look for intelligent life! Oops! We made a mistake!” In a cartoon alien voice.
“So happy to be in America! Just don’t ask for a green card!” In a foreign accent.
“I want you in the worst waaaay!” He said as a scary monster.
“Figarooo!” He screamed Figaro loudly to a tiny music sheet holder.
“Look at me Moneypenny! I want to undo that bow and get to know you!”
(Cartoon gold miner impression.) “Hehehe! Look at me! I’m sitting on a gold mine!
(Marx brothers quotes) “Well this is certainly a rough meeting and it's not going very well for me, I'll tell you that.”
“Hey boss, give her a chance. She's gonna loosen up any moment.”
“(Ronald Reagan trying time find the other half of his head.)” John F Kennedy would make more sense.
“That’s in real bad taste narrator...” Robin sighed.
“Jacqueline and I are still trying to er um find the other half of my head...” said Quimby sounding Kennedy.
Everyone booed and stormed the narrator’s office and killed him for making a Kennedy assassination joke.
Meanwhile Sideshow Bob was where ever he had barricaded himself to hide from the authorities when not in costume.
“Listen to yourself, Bob! You follow him to school, you eavesdrop on his calls, you open his mail. The minute you started doing these things, the relationship was over!“ Bob said to himself. “Oh but I will not be satisfied until I murder Bart Simpson!” He said in ice cold fury.
Akso it’s hilarious Frasier said this to some guy called Bob...
Elsewhere at the Simpsons
”Oz are you pondering what I’m pondering?” Bart asked Oscar.
”I think so Bart. But why would you wanna pierce Brosnan?“ Oscar asked. Pierce Brosnan.
Bart winced. “Never mind...”
Anyway Because of the Ms Doubtfire references. Pierce Brosnan made a cameo as Stuart. Unfortunately he doesn’t shoot people in Ms Doubtfire.
”Oh my god! It’s James Bond!” Oscar gasped.
The bell rang and Oscar went to class. The school assigned him to his appropriate year, third grade. So he couldn’t visit Bart or Lisa anymore. Unless I say so.
He sat next to his Jewish friend Jurkle. Ace sat a few rows in the back.
Audrey McConnell was the third grade teacher.
”Class today we will be watching a film.”
”Yaaaaaay!” everyone cheered.
However Oscar could not see the film because of a kid’s big hat was in the way.
”Miss McConnell? I can’t see the TV. Tommy’s hat is in the way...” said Oscar.
Tommy Himi from Digimon Frontier frowned and took his huge orange newsboy hat off.
At recess Tommy was being chased by a bully. A big kid that looked like Mikey from Recess but mean.
”Come back here!” The bully yelled.
"You gotta catch me first, Gus!” said Tommy Himi playfully as he ran.
”This isn’t a game!” The bully, Gus yelled.
Jimbo and his gang and Nelson looked up and saw a bully losing his victim.
Not on our watch. said Jimbo to himself. He intercepted Tommy but he darted left only to be met by Dolph. He turned round and ran right only to bump into Kearney.
”Jimbo why are these thirdies so frisky?” Nelson asked as he restrained Tommy.
”I dunno. Sugar on their Krusty Os?” Jimbo replied.
Gus panted as he caught up.
Meanwhile Bart and Milhouse were on the swings chatting.
"Well I watched this film where a piranha swam down the periscope and bit this guy's eye and-"
"Milhouse no! I don't want to hear about that movie again..." Bart whined.
"Well you talk about something..." Milhouse sighed.
Bart sighed then he smelt chloroform. "Milhouse do you smell chloro....
Sideshow Bob as the spoof of Ms Doubtfire had a mirderous grin as he tied them up. Dun dun dun!
Bart woke up tied to a chair with Milhouse. They were in Willie's shed. Bart nudged Milhouse awake.
Sideshow Bob, thankfully not in drag... arrived.
"Hello Bart..." He said menacingly.
"Nyaaaaagh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart screamed.
Sideshow Bob chuckled.
"What are you gonna do to me?" Bart shivered.
"Oh, believe me, I have a plan." said Bob.
"Let's see." said Bart.
"Now that would spoil things..." said Bob.
"You just had to play Columbo... you just had to investigate... My plan to frame Krusty would have succeeded if it wasn't for you!" Bob snapped.
"You wouldn't have succeeded! Even with our incompant chief of police just accepting he already collared the crook, justice would have prevailed and got Krusty free anyway! He didn't deserve what you put him through!" Bart retorted.
"He humiliated me!" Bob snapped.
Milhouse muffled because he had been gagged.
"What are you trying to achieve tormenting me Bob. Are you trying to be my arch nemesis or something?" Bart winced.
"I'm hoping this will be our final meeting Bart... I can't be playing Vader to your Luke or Joker to your Batman... That's just so hackneyed..." Bob sighed.
"Plus it wouldn't work. I already have an arch nemesis..." said Bart.
"Oh do tell." Bob was strangely interested.
Bart sighed. "You've met him before. The good doctor himself, Dr Demento..." said Bart. He shivered thinking about Dr Demento.
"Oh of course. I have no idea how you incurred the wrath of a radio show host upon yourself but I don't have time for origin stories....." said Bob
Robin Williams as Ms Doubtfire was on vacation with the Simpsons and Pierce Brosnan.
"We get it... a cross dressing babysitter..." Lisa winced.
Ms Doubtfire threw a lime at Pierce.
"Oh it must have been the bar staff! Perhaps you didn't tip them? It was a run by fruiting!" said Ms Doubtfire.
"Hold on! Where's Bart?" Marge asked. Yes where is he. Oh wait I'm the omnipresent author! I know where he is! Bob has him!
"Who cares... I don't have to deal with him splashing me or calling me fat head..." Lisa sighed.
"Lisa! Somethings not right! We must find Bart!" Marge said sharply.
"Well, that's not sibling rivalry rearing its vicious little green snout?" Oscar frowned at her.
The Curious Bear Cub from the Happy Little Elves glanced round at him with a baffled look.
"Not now Curious Bear Cub from the Happy Little Elves..." Oscar sighed.
The hotel room.
The Simpsons and Oscar pack from their spontaneous, absurd vacation because I wanted to reference Ms Doubtfire. They must face reality and rescue Bart.
Teddy (Oscar's living teddy bear creature) comes bounding out of the bedroom, bounces over the furniture and sits by the door.
"Okay fine! We'll find out where Bart is!" Lisa sighed.
Dino, Oscar's pet dinosaur critter comes bounding out of the bedroom, bounces over the furniture, but he is not as agile as Teddy and knocks over a lamp, smashing it.
"D'oh!" Homer grunts.
Bart was at the merciless hands of Sideshow Bob. Who despite not being the slightest bit interested in the old hero and arch nemesis schtick is making a really good attempt to be a threatening reoccurring nightmare for Bart Simpson.
Even Dr Dumbmento never scared me this much... Bart thought as he was still tied up next to Milhouse. He felt in mortal danger.
However it turns out Sideshow Bob is easily annoyed by bad grammar...
"Cause baby, there ain't no mountain high enough. Ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough-" Oscar could be heard singing off key.
"Gaaaaaah! What we have here is a failure to communicate with proper English! I can't take it anymore!" Bob yelled.
"Hey! I think I know my own language! The language my country invented!" Oscar broke in followed by the Simpsons. "I'm the fly in your ointment, guv!"
"Unhand my brother! Sideshow Bob!" Lisa yelled.
"By Lucifer's beard! Meddlesome fools!" Sideshow Bob yelled.
"Hey look Bob!" Homer held a rake.
"Oh goodness no! A rake! The painful clobbering rakes!" Bob cried with anguish.
Marge untied Bart and Milhouse.
"Now for the next order of business... the extermination of Bart Simpson!" Sideshow Bob gloated and laughed evilly.
A rake swung up and smacked Bob in the face. Thwack!
The Simpsons and Oscar winced.
"That... was excruciating..." said Bob in pain. "But it was nothing compared to the agonising demise I have planned for you..."
After the fade to black.
A voice suddenly rang out from the school tannoys. Willie had some speakers in his hut so Skinner could call him when he needed him.
“It's hard to say what I hate most about Robert Terwilliger – his pompous, sanctimonious style, his constant self- congratulatory references to his own life, or his voice: a mock- sympathetic tone so sickly sweet one wonders if the man graduated from medical school or from some mind-controlling cult.” said a gruff man's voice coughing from a life of cigarettes.
"Oooooooh! Damn you Derek! Damn yoooouuu!" Sideshow Bob yelled. "This folly is over for now Simpsons. Derek Mann and I, have some... unfinished business..." Sideshow Bob left.
They went home to relax. Happily ever after.