Simpsons Fanon
Advertisement

Simpsonscallifragillisticexpiala(D'oh)cious Marge's hair is falling out from stress so they call upon Sherry Bobbins to help again but when she leaves thinking they're happy all hell breaks loose so she has to stay and the Simpsons soon get fed up with her and drive her to drinking.

Plot[]

The Simpsons are watching Krusty Komedy Klassics.

Krusty appeared on stage laughing. "Hey hey! Kids! Uh! KKK? That's not good..." there was KKK written in giant letters behind him.

All the kids in the audience booed him except Eric Cartman dressed as a ghost.

"Yes... a ghost..." said Eric rolling his eyes.

The Simpsons were eating TV dinners except Lisa who had soup. And Hugo had a bucket of fish heads.

Krusty's next sketch was him teaching a dog to catch a red ball. But when he threw the ball the dog bit him on the nose. "Ow! Shoot the dog! Shoot the dog!" Krusty cried as it wouldn't let go of his nose.

"These Krusty specials get worse every year..." said Bart.

"Where's the remote?" Lisa asked.

Grampa had it in the kitchen thinking it was a wireless phone. "Hello? Hellooooo? Stupid newfangled wireless phone! Where's the old fashioned one? Ah ha!" Grampa put an iron to his ear and spoke as if it were a phone.

Oh dear! I'm sure Sickipedia will use that as material to make fun of severely disabled people...

Then Krusty had a shoe related sketch with shoe puns.

“If you like Mad about You, then you’ll love... Mad About Shoe! Wooahahahahaha!” Krusty laughed.

Krusty was in bed with a giant pink shoe.

The crowd threw tomatoes at him. "Then you won't like my NYPD sneakers sketch! It's pretty much the same thing..." said Krusty.

"Mom can you get me some milk?" Bart asked.

”Me too!” said Hugo.

”Who said you could help yourself to my groceries?!” Homer snapped at Hugo.

"No! Get it yourself!" said Marge.

"Nah... I'll just go without liquids...." Bart made a choking sound to show how thirsty he was.

"Alright! I'll get it!" Marge got up to get her twin boys a glass of milk each. "While I'm in here anyone else want anything?"

"No..." said everyone.

Marge came back with Bart and Hugo’s glasses of milk and sat down.

"Marge get me a beer..." said Homer.

"Dooooooooh!" Marge groaned.

"Moooom..." Lisa asked.

"What?!" Marge yelled.

"There's a hair in my soup but I'll just eat around it..." said Lisa scared.

"Oh my! What does it look like?" Marge asked.

"Blue very very long..." Lisa replied.

"Eeeeeeeew!" said everyone.

Marge was horrified. "It's my hair!" She was mortified. "I need a moment..."

Marge went upstairs.

"Your mother seems upset. I should have a word with her. After the the commercial..." said Homer eating.

Then Krusty had a special guest, Gerald Ford.

"Woohoo! Go Ford!" Homer cheered. He became best friends with Gerald Ford after Two Bad Neighbors.

However Gerald Ford bored everyone by talking about Boyscouts so Krusty had loud sirens block him out and the word boring appear on screen while Krusty made funny faces in the background.

"What are you doing?" Ford caught him.

"Um how's your wife Nancy?" Krusty asked.

"Betty!" Ford corrected him.

"Eh whatever..." Krusty mumbled.

...

That evening Homer and Marge were snuggling in bed. "Let me stroke some of that hair..." said Homer seductively but he pulled out a clump of blue hair. "Eeeeew!"

The song Hair by the Cowsills played to a montage of Marge's hair falling out.

Marge was in the shower and horrified to find a large ball of her hair clogging the plughole. At dinner Snowball II coughed up a blue hairball. While Marge was hair drying her hair she blasted out a chunk of hair. And while Bart and Milhouse played cowboys and Indians in the lounge a blue ball of hair rolled past like a tumbleweed.

Nelson then shot them with foam darts while dressed as a cybernetic super soldier from the future. "Haw Haw!" He laughed.

"Nelson! No cybernetic super soldiers from the future!" Bart groaned.

Then at church Marge's hair annoyed Jasper and Mrs Glick.

...

It was snuggling time that night. Marge had her hair hat on and wouldn't take it off.

"Oh come on Marge... let me see that beautiful hair..." said Homer.

"Okay but don't be shocked!" said Marge, her hair was full of holes.

Homer saw it and screamed.

"Homer, I think I'm losing my hair..." said Marge.

"Don't worry sweetheart I'll teach you to comb it over just like mine..." said Homer.

Marge imagined herself bald like Homer. She bursted into tears.

...

The next morning she went to see Dr Payne. He couldn't determine a physical reason for her losing her hair.

"Mrs Simpson you have two calls..." said the nurse playing the messages for Marge.

"Mom get me a glass of milk..." said Bart's voice.

Message two!

"Me too!" said Hugo. (Lisa wouldn't annoy Marge like that and she's vegetarian now...)

Marge grumbled and some hair fell out.

"I see... stress seems to be the cause..." said Dr Payne.

...

Marge got home to her family waiting in the lounge and Maggie running about without a diaper on so her butt was showing! XD!

"The Doctor says my hair loss is due to stress." Marge explained. "So I was thinking we hire a nanny."

“Oh hell no! We are not bringing a goat into this house!” said Oscar.

”She meant an au pair... doofus...” said Lisa.

”A pair of goats?!” Oscar gasped.

"Moooooom... Maggie's running about without a diaper on..." Hugo called from somewhere in the house.

"Hmmmmm!" Marge sighed. "Homer I told you to put a diaper on her after changing her..."

"Where are we going to get enough money to afford a nanny?" Homer asked.

"We will make sacrifices Dad! Mom sacrifices so much for us! Now it's time we do something in return." said Lisa. "I will give up buying Malibu Stacy new clothes."

"And I'll take up smoking and give it up!" said Bart.

"That's brilliant boy... Giving up smoking is the hardest thing ever. Here's a dollar..." Homer gave Bart a dollar. He was tugging at it to make sure it was genuine.

"Daaaad! He didn't do anything..." Lisa whined.

"Didn't he Lisa? Oh wait he didn't! Gimme that!" Homer snatched Bart's dollar.

"Thanks everyone. Homer don't you have something to give up towards the nanny?" Marge asked. Bart was using a fishing line to steal Homer's wallet.

"Sure! I'll have to give up my Civil War reenactment." Homer replied picking up the lounge phone and calling someone.

A monkey dressed as a confederate soldier in the old Stonecutters temple answered the phone and chattered down it.

"Okay boys, bad news. I'm going to have to let you all go..." said Homer.

The monkeys all went crazy and screeched and ripped up things.

...

Marge and Homer got several nannies to visit them. The first was Mrs Pennysnitch again. However like last time Homer mistook her Mrs Doubtfire and chased her away.

"Homer are you gonna do that to every nanny...?" Marge sighed.

"No..." sId Homer. But he did to the next nanny scaring her away.

Then Kerney tried his luck again.

"If your kids act up, bam!" said Kerney.

"I like how this kid thinks!" said Homer.

"Thanks sir. Where do you keep your liquor?" Kerney asked.

"There's a bottle of Schnapps in Maggie's Crib." said Homer.

We cut to Maggie with an empty bottle of Schnapps. She burped loudly.

"No we won't be needing your services mister!" Marge didn't want Kerney babysitting.

"Fine suit yourself you bat haired old witch..." Kerney muttered under his breath.

"Hey! I heard that!" Marge yelled.

...

Marge and Homer gave up and went to the kitchen to have coffee. Bart, Lisa, Hugo, Maggie and Oscar came in.

"May we have some suggestions?" said Lisa.

"Sure. You have my undivided attention..." said Homer. He was thinking of a cow, a flightless bird and a turtle playing yokel music. XD!

Homer hummed to the music playing in his head.

"Well I'd like to hear your suggestions!" said Marge.

"Maestro if you please." said Lisa. Bart put on a tape. Cute music played.

Lisa coughed to get her singing voice. "If you wish to be our sitter, please be sweet, and never bitter!"

Everyone started dancing.

"Help us with math and book reports." Lisa sung.

"Might I add. Eat my shorts!" Bart sang.

"Bart!" Lisa yelled.

"Just cutting through the treacle." said Bart.

"Treacle..." Oscar was writing down a recipe. It was for treacled shorts. The ingredients were one pair of Bart's shorts and some treacle.

"If Maggie is fussy. Don't avoid her." Lisa sang.

"Let me get away with Moi-der!" said Bart.

"Bart that doesn't rhyme..." said Oscar...

"Teach us songs and magic tricks!" Lisa sung. Oscar got out his wand and practiced Flutterfly, the levitation charm on a feather.

"Might I add. No fat chicks!" Homer sang.

"Homer!" Marge told him off.

"Our perfect nanny is kind and wisely sage..." Lisa sang.

"And will work for minimum wage..." Homer sang.

"Please hurry nanny things are grim!" Bart and Lisa sung.

"I'll do it!" said Grampa jumping in.

"Any one but him..." Bart and Lisa closed their song and pointed their thumbs at Grampa and winked.

"That's nice kids but where are we going to find a nanny like that?" Marge asked.

Suddenly from out of the sky Sherry Bobbins arrived. It's Mary Poppins you klutz!

She had to deal with pollution from the power plant and getting caught on a telegraph cable before landing.

She knocked at the Simpsons.

"Hello I'm Sherry Bobbins." said Sherry.

"Did you say Mary Pop-" Homer asked.

"No I most certainly did not. I am an original character like Ricky Rouse or Monald Muck." said Sherry as she came in.

"Wow! Sherry Bobbins! Don't you remember us?" Lisa asked.

"Oh the Simpsons! How delightful!" Sherry remembered the last time she looked after them. The Return of the Babysitter Bandit

"Now as your nanny I will do everything from telling stories to changing diapers." Sherry explained.

"Put me down for both." said Grampa.

"Me too." said Oscar.

The Simpsons rolled their eyes embarrassed.

Hugo grunted as he was munching on a fish head.

Plot 2[]

The Simpsons then updated her now that Hugo was around and other questions.

"Do you have any bad habits?" Homer asked.

"No I'm practically perfect in every way." said Sherry. Lol! Disney!

"So am I." said Homer scratching himself and drinking milk straight from the carton and then burping. "Next question. Who was your last employer?"

"George Banks." said Sherry Bobbins.

"Marge do we know him?" Homer whispered.

"No!" Marge explained.

"Isn't the guy I go bowling with? You know the black guy?" Homer asked.

"That's Carl!" Marge explained.

"Sooo you worked for Carl...." Homer wrote on a list.

"I have a question." said Bart. "Let's say I'm supposed to be doing my homework but you find me reading a playdude. What do you do? What do you dooo?"

"Well I most certainly wouldn't allow such filth in the house! Especially within the grasp of children!" said Sherry.

"Bart can be.... a rather modern kid... gotta get with the times Sherry! Hehehe..." Marge explained embarrassed by Bart's libido...

"I'm not following. Your son reads pornographic magazines?!" asked Sherry.

"He idolises Hugh Hefner..." Marge sighed.

"I thought he was a gentleman! He has an evening gown and smokes a pipe..." Bart explained.

"Hugh is no gentleman Bart..." Marge sighed.

The questions were over. Sherry got to work looking after the kids for Marge.

She slid up the bannister. The kids were amazed and ran after her.

"Wow! She polished the bannister with her ass!" said Homer.

"Ooooh! I can see my face!" said Marge.

...

Sherry came to Bart's room. It was a pigsty...

"Oh dear Bart. Looks like we will have to clean this up again." said Sherry.

Bart and Lisa groaned.

"Now now children! Remember our song!"

To the tune of A Spoonful of Sugar the Medicine goes down they sung a song about cutting corners.

"If there is a job to be done. Don't turn your tail and run. Don't pout and sob. Just do a half assed job..." Sherry sung.

"We should have added no cursing in our song..." Bart muttered to Lisa.

"It's not so baaaaad. Even your dad does it so he can't go maaaddd!" Sherry sung. Homer was tossing away a rotten sofa and threw it into Flanders garden.

"It's the American way!!" Bart sung.

They started tidying up in the half assed way.

"Even the policeman is rushed off his feet."

Wiggum was sleeping while a blue haired Snake mugged someone.

"I'm my original character! Smake!" said blue haired Snake.

Matt Groening head desked in frustration at me constantly pointing out wrongly colored characters. Well don’t colour them in wrong then!

"And the store clerk can charge more for meat."

"For meat." sang Apu doing a duet with Sherry on a milk carton.

"And milk!"

"And Milk!"

"From Nineteen eighty foooooourrr..."

The Simpsons found Bart's room was now spotless.

"If you do as I say, you'll have more time to play." Sherry sang.

"It's the American waaaaaaay!" They all sung before marching away and Homer slammed Bart's bedroom door. Suddenly everything bursted out of his cupboards and the room was messy again.

...

Sherry then took Bart and Lisa to the park where Nelson gave Sherry a flower. They found Willie used to date her until she got her sight back and Skinner was trying to sell Jimbo.

"Is this legal man?" Jimbo asked.

"Only in here and Mississippi." said Skinner.

And Jack the Ripper came back from the dead!”

”Extra extra! Ripper strikes in Whitechapel again!” said a nineteenth century newspaper boy stuck in the late twentieth century.

”Uh... it’s the 1990s...” said Bart.

”I thought it was the 1890s.” said the Victorian newspaper boy.

”And we’re Americans... we don’t have a Jack the Ripper... we have Ted Bundy...” said Lisa.

Then at Oscar’s insistence, they had a tea party on the ceiling with Ed Wynn.

”No Oz! No!” Bart whined.

At Home Marge was pleased with Sherry Bobbins's work and had good news. Her hair was growing back. "Now it's strong enough to support a parasol!" Marge opened a parasol and stuck it in her hair.

Homer got aroused and took Marge upstairs.

"No leave it in sweetie... (purrs seductively)" said Homer.

Marge giggled as they went upstairs.

That night Sherry put the Simpson children to bed.

"Children it's eight o clock. Time for bed." said Sherry. For some inexplicable reason they were all in Lisa's room.

"Awww sing us a song Ms Bobbins..." asked Bart.

"Yeah sing us a song!" said Lisa.

"I've been singing songs all day! I'm not a bloody jukebox!" Sherry scolded them.

They looked frightened.

Sherry relented and tucked them all in (Bart, Hugo, Oscar, Lisa and Maggie) into Lisa's bed.

Sherry sung a song while holding a snow globe. It was about Moe and Barney.

The story was that Barney, a booze hound had no money to drink so was lying outside Moe's begging for money by singing. He could sing pretty damn good!

Moe eventually got fed up and threatened to shoot him if he didn't leave.

Barney sang he had found two dollars.

"Then come in my friend..." said Moe.

They lived happily ever after...

The song finished with Marge and Homer watching their kids and Oscar fall asleep.

"Can I be a booze hound..." Bart sang.

"Not till your fifteeeeen..." Homer sung.

And good night!

(I assume Marge and Homer put them in their own beds while they slept.)

...

The Simpsons were then having a fancy dinner one evening. They were dressed up fancy and Ace was invited round for the sake of gags in this scene. (It makes sense as you read through the foods they're eating.)

"This blood pudding is delightful!" said Homer.

"The secret ingredient is bloooood! Bwuhahahaha!" Bart laughed while wearing vampire fangs.

Ace was next to Bart. "Mmmmmmm!" He was delighted and kicked his lips. (He's a vampire duh!)

"Blood?! Eeeeugh! I'll stick to this Brain pie. Ooooh! Brains!" said Homer taking a slice of brain pie.

"Mmmmmmm! Braaaaaainnsss!" said a zombie sat at the table.

However unfortunately Sherry Bobbins had to leave.

"Goodbye! We'll miss you Sherry Bobbins!" said the Simpsons.

Sherry left.

"Oh to think I'll never hear their sweet voices again..." said Sherry.

Suddenly Homer defenestrated Bart. (Put him through a window) and strangled him.

Sherry sighed and went back in. Lisa was walking about whacking a pan with a wooden spoon to make noise. Maggie was trying to put out a flaming curtain that caught light with a fire extinguisher and Marge was huddled up in a corner with her hair falling out.

"I guess I better unpack..." Sherry sighed.

...

However the Simpsons now began to treat her badly and were being lazy.

Bart asked for too much pepper on his dinner and then didn't want it. They were watching tv while watching TV dinners. Homer made her get him a beer.

"Lady he asked for a beer not a song." said Bart.

They then watched Charles Bronson, the Death Wish actor, not the insane, violent bank robber. In the Andy Griffith show. “And here is a young Charles Bronson in the Andy Griffith show in the place of Andy Griffith.”

”Hey Charles, Otis isn’t in his cell!” said one of the guards.

”I know, I took him out back and shot him.” said Charles Bronson.

”Oh that’s good- Whaaaaaat?!”

”And now I am going to Emmit Fix’s shop. To fix Emmit....” said Charles Bronson swinging a handgun about.

The Andy Griffith theme is whistled as Charles Bronson leaves to murder Emmit.

”He should totally go on Jim’ll Fix It and Fix that monster Jimmy Saville...” Oscar ranted.

”Quiet boy...” Homer groaned.

Then one afternoon she found Bart hawking cupcakes at his bedroom wall.

"Bart what are you doing?" Sherry asked.

"Hawking cupcakes at my wall." said Bart throwing a cupcake at his wall.

"But why?" Sherry asked.

"Dunno. Bored?" Bart replied. "Actually this would be a great idea for a superhero persona! I could call him cupcake lad..." Bart was drawing himself as Cupcake lad on a notepad.

Sherry sighed and left him.

Hugo ran around on all fours naked like a dog.

Lisa was watching cartoons all day and despite Sherry's advice to go outside, she rudely told her to leave her alone to watch cartoons.

"Oh you people will be the death of me!" Sherry started crying.

"Awww she's crying!" Bart exclaimed.

"Oh no!" said Lisa.

That evening Sherry was reduced to drinking heavily and singing about her woes. Barney joined in wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

"Oh poor Ms Bobbins!" said Lisa. "We really hurt her!"

"You people ought to be ashamed of yourselves!" Bart scolded everyone despite being one of them that was being mean to Sherry Bobbins.

They all went to see Sherry and comforted her explaining she tried her best but they couldn't be changed. They liked the way they were despite their arguments and slovenly behaviour.

"You like living like this?" Sherry asked.

"Why sure!" said Homer. They sung a song about their negative traits and woes.

"Around the house, I never lift a finger... As a husband and father, I’m subpar! I'd rather have a beer than win father of the year!" Homer sang.

"I've learnt to be ignored!" Lisa sang.

"I'm stuck here until I can steal a car!" Bart sang.

"I've accepted I wasn't even wanted!" Hugo sang.

"The house is still a mess and I'm going bald with stress!" Marge sang.

"But we’re happy just the way we are!" They sang.

There was an instrumental and Sherry sung as she collect her umbrella from Grampa who had some offscreen calamity with it and ended up in a tree.

“They’re not perfect, but lord says love thy neighbor!” Ned sung.

“Shut up, Flanders.” Homer sung annoyed.

“Okilly dokilly doo!” Ned sung.

“Don’t think it as sour grapes, but you’re all a bunch of apes! Now I must be leaving yoooooouuuu!” Sherry Bobbins sang as she took her umbrella and flew off.

She then bidded them goodbye for real and flew away.

"Goodbye, Superman!" Barney waved goodbye.

"Do you think we'll ever see Sherry Bobbins again?" Lisa asked.

"Sure we will..." said Homer. However Sherry got sucked into a plane engine and got shredded...

The end!

Advertisement