Sideshow Bob Roberts Sideshow Bob returns again. This time to run for mayor as a republican candidate after they help him get out of prison with a campaign from Republican journalist, Birch Barlow.
Lisa is listening to the radio for her school project. Birch Barlow is on ranting as usual.
"Hrrrrmmm! Lisa, you know I don't like that Birch Barlow..." Marge groans.
"I don't like him either Mom, but I have to do this for my school project." Lisa explained.
“People there are many things wrong with Springfield. The bats in the library.” A man screams as bats fly out of a draw. Mrs McFully’s garbage pile.” A mad old southern lady was guarding a large pile of trash with a shotgun and laughing. “The snakes in the public fountain.” Everyone screamed and ran way as snakes poured out of the fountain. “And our tax dodging, cheating and illiterate mayor Quimby.”
“Hey! I am no longer illiterate!” said Quimby.
“Illiterate! Why you son of a bitch! That deserves a jail sentence alone!” Paige’s father, the illiterate hating prosecutor during Krusty’s court case. Also it’s his job to cross examine people.
“Stop being rude about illiterate people!” Judge Snyder told him off.
Meanwhile Homer is also listening to the radio show guest starring Birch Barlow.
"Homer, how can you listen to that awful man?" Carl asks.
"I don't know, this Birch Barlow really speaks to me for some reason..." Homer replies as he eats the donuts.
Meanwhile Birch Barlow is eating donuts... he then has a guest speaker.
"All the way from Springfield Penitentiary. Yet another Republican voter railroaded by democrats! Hello there..." Birch answers the caller and puts them live.
However Lisa recognizes the caller's voice. It's Sideshow Bob! Dun dun dun! Lisa gasps in horror.
"Wrongfully imprisoned for attempted murder! Ha! What next! They give out Nobel prizes for attempted nuclear physics?!" Sideshow Bob rants during a prison riot.
Lisa runs up to Bart's room.
"Bart! Your mortal enemy is on the radio!" She turns it on and the Dr Dimento show is on.
“Nyahahahaha!” Dr Demento is laughing maniacally. “It’s time to get demented for the Dr Demento show! Nyahahaha! Wipe out!” Surfer music plays.
"Aaaaaaaagh!" Bart screams and throws the radio out the window.
"No! Your other mortal enemy! Sideshow Bob!" Lisa explained.
"Aw gee! I'm only ten and I already have two mortal enemies!" Bart whines. Homer comes in angry with a bump on his head and Bart's radio alarm clock.
"Bart! Stop throwing your radio out the window!"
Homer was taking Lisa for a drive somewhere.
Birch was on the radio insulting the democrats. “So my friends lets just dump those dumbocrats and their smellfair programme!” said Burch.
”Hehehe! Smellfair...” Homer chuckled
”Dad! I’ve had to listen to this jerk all morning! Can’t we listen to something else?!” Lisa whined.
”Lisa sweetie. When I’m driving the car, we listen to what I want to listen to! When you’re driving the car, we’ll listen to what you want...”
They switch places so Lisa is now driving. Lisa has St Elmo’s Fire (Man of Action) by John Parr on. “Those eagles flying higher and higher!” Apparently they made Elmo from Sesame Street a Saint...
”Oh god no! I can’t take it anymore! Let’s switch back!” Homer cried.
they switched back and Lisa sat annoyed as Birch was back on the radio insulting the democrats.
At school, Bart is listening to the Birch Barlow show.
Birch agrees with Bob that's he's been unfairly imprisoned and announces he will campaign to have him released.
"Noooooooooooooo!" Bart screams in class.
"Well! Despite Bart's protests, Kenya can now enjoy clean water!" Mrs Krabappel tells Bart off for screaming in class.
At Home Bart and Lisa desperately turn on the news. The republicans run an ad against Mayor Quimby slandering him until he relents and has Sideshow Bob released.
Sideshow Bob is released but walks off the wrong side of the prison island and falls in the sea. "Boats on the other side Bob!" The prison warden explained. Sideshow Bob murmurs.
Then the Republicans run a campaign blaming Mayor Quimby for releasing a convicted killer like Sideshow Bob.
"That's just stupid! I don't understand politics!" Bart groans.
Meanwhile in a haunted castle labled Republican Party Headquarters.
Mr Burns, The Rich Texan, Rainer Wolfcastle, Birch Barlow, Dr Hibbert, Dracula and a small green vampire Orlok-lookalike are sitting around a table. Smithers is serving drinks.
"Mohok my brothers! Quaram Siliam Mohok!" He says in Latin.
"Mohok!" Everyone replies.
"As you all know we're putting up a candidate for mayor against Mayor Quimby. An illiterate, two timing, buffoon who still hasn't got rid of the bats in the Springfield library!" Birch explains. Bats fly out of a draw when a man opens it, he screams. "Mrs McFully's garbage pile." A mad lady in a southern rural area is guarding a large pile of stinky rubbish with a shotgun. "And the snakes in the town fountain!" Green snakes fly out of the fountain scaring people away.
All the members murmur.
"Therefore allow me to introduce our newest member and candidate!" The door opens to reveal a drinking water dispenser. It gurgles.
"What did it say?" The Rich Texan asks.
"No no! Bob, come in!" Sideshow Bob comes in draped in the American flag.
"A fine Mohok to you all!" He greets the Republicans.
"Wow, he's even better rhan I thought!" Dr Hibbert chuckles.
The two candidates hold a caucus at Springfield Elementary school. Skinner reminds everyone to behave.
“No shenanigans, wisecracks or pranks! Timmy stop eating worms!”
A boy wars slurping up earthworms he was digging out of the ground.
“Sorry Principal Skinner.” said the worm eating boy as he slurped up a worm. Eeeeew!
"Hello, children. Hello, Bart." said Bob as his scary theme tune played.
Sideshow Bob lures the audience with circus antics. “Mayor Quimby has sold your futures short!” He shrinks himself small and shuffles about. Kids laugh. “He flip flops! Hey ya! Hey yah!” Bob flip flopped. “He doesn’t know where he’s coming or going!” He shuffled about back and forth as if he was trying to go two directions at once. Kids laughed.
"Oh no! Quimby's losing the crowd! Bart, we have to play to the lowest denominator!" Lisa explains.
They jump on Mayor Quimby in a loving hug.
"Ah! I'm being attacked by, uh...midgets!" Mayor Quimby yells.
"Ha! Uncle Quimby says we kids are Springfield's most important resource!" Lisa giggles.
"Uh, yes! I did say that!" The crowd cheers for Mayor Quimby. However a republican goon grabs Bart.
He is taken into their limousine.
"Grrrr! That was a big mistake, Bart! No child has ever meddled with the Republican Party and ever lived to tell about it!" Sideshow Bob threatened.
Bart thinks the goons are reaching for their guns and shuts his eyes but they just put Republican stickers and badges on him.
They then kick him out at his house. Homer is then kicked out of Archie's red saloon car.
"Duuuuh! Stay the hell out of Riverdale!" Moose warns before the Archie gang drove away.
"Uuuuuh..." Bart isn't sure what just happened.
Things get worse for Bart, he is woken up by Dr Demento. Then at school, Principal Seymour Skinner is made by the Republican Party on request by Sideshow Bob to demote Bart to Kindergarten.
“Kindergarten?!” Bart was shocked.
"Ha!" Mrs Krabappel opens a bottle of champagne.
Meanwhile Sideshow appeals to the elderly about the new expressway he's building. However they're not interested.
"We want Matlock!!" Grampa yells.
"Very well, I shall name it the Matlock express way! And I shall spend all day listening to your delightful stories." Sideshow Bob explains.
"Hot diggity! That's how they got me to vote for Truman!" Grampa and the elderly cheer.
However Sideshow Bob's express way has a more sinister twist to it. He wants to build it across where the Simpsons house is. That means demolishing their house.
"You have 72 hours to evacuate the premises or be buried under the rubble of your former residence..." Sideshow Bob explained to Marge and Homer.
"You can't do this!" Marge gasps.
"Oh I'm afraid I can, Once I'm voted Mayor..." Sideshow Bob explains.
At school, Bart's in kindergarten with Oscar.
"I can age regress us to look the part more." Oscar suggests.
"No thanks, I want to get out of here as soon as possible!" Bart replies. Soon it's lesson time. Today they're learning about shapes.
"What is this shape?" The teacher shows a triangle.
"Triangle, Miss Emma." Bart answers.
"Very good, Bart, you get first choice of toy.' The teacher excuses him from the mat to play.
"I call the Flintstones phone!" Bart grabs the Flintstones phone and plays with it.
"Yabba dabba doo! I like talking to you!" Says Fred Flintstone. Bart laughs knowing he's being rather childish wanting to play with a toy for kindergarteners.
There is then a debate between the candidates, however Mayor Quimby is too ill. Bart gives him some headache tablets. But they have a side effect that makes people extra drowsy.
Mayor Quimby is unable to answer questions properly including Birch Barlow's nonsense about a family being held hostage somehow leading to a question about the budget. He sweats and his sweaty hair resembles devil horns. A computer whiz puts flames around him yo make him resemble the devil.
Lisa grumbled annoyed.
“Sideshow Bob what do you think about Councilor Les Wyman who thinks you should still be in prison and not running for mayor?” Kent asked.
“Councillor Les Wyman should do more thinking and less whining!” Sideshow Bob quipped.
The studio audience and Kent laughed.
Bart chuckled. “Okay that was funny!”
“Bart, he’s your archenemy and you didn’t even understand that joke!” Lisa pointed out.
Sideshow Bob's popularity skyrockets in time for the polls. Some residents are shown voting.
"Hmmm, I don't approve of his Bart killing policy, but I do approve of his Selma killing policy!" Homer votes Bob.
"He tried to kill me. But he was good in bed." Selma votes for her ex-husband, Bob.
"Eh..." Krusty votes for Bob.
Meanwhile Bart and Lisa campaign for Quimby.
"Vote Quimby!" Lisa yells.
"Hey idiot! Vote Quimby!" Bart takes to insulting people.
"This time he's the lesser of two evils!" Lisa warns the alternative candidate is worse than Quimby, Jimbo comes to their table.
"Uh yeah, I love Crimby. Can I have some more bumper stickers?" Jimbo asks.
"Um sure..." Bart is wondering why he is taking all the bumper stickers. However it's revealed Jimbo and the gang are using them to wrap up Milhouse as an Egyptian mummy in a shopping trolley.
"Alright! Our mummy is ready for his mystical journey!" The bullies push the trolley down the road.
"Aaaaaaaahhhh! What's happening?!" Milhouse screams.
Bart winced. “I have to get a Squishee...”
”Knock yourself out...” Lisa lent him money to buy a Squishee.
Sometime later Bart left the Kwik e mart drinking a Squishee when an ominous shadow of a man in a top hat covered him. He looked up to find to his horror the top hat wearing man was his arch nemesis Dr Demento!
”Nyahahahaha!” Dr Demento laughed. He spoke softly and is actually a rather reasonable sounding guy but for some reason Bart is terrified of him. Probably because of his demented music. Also Uncyclopedia has some great ideas like him having a rivalry with Bart and refusing to play his bluegrass songs and trying to summon Yog Sothoth.
However Sideshow Bob wins by a landslide.
"Noooooooooooo!" Bart and Lisa scream as they watch the results.
“Ahhhhhhh! We’re doomed!” Homer screamed.
“Doooooomed! Dooooooomed!” Bender the robot yelled.
“Bender you’re not even in this show!” Bart groaned.
Meanwhile Sideshow Bob makes his acceptance speech. However he just laughs evilly.
“Mwuhahahaha! Ahahahaha! (Starts to cough towards the end.”
“And look how happy he is!” said Kent Brockman.
“I Don’t get how one convicted felon can get far mor votes then another convicted felon?” Oscar asked.
“That’s politics for ya.” said Homer.
At the aftermath of celebrations the town hall is soon empty. Bob is answering a few last questions and a janitor cleaning up grabs a champagne bottle and runs off home.
"Now we'll have to live in a motel..." Bart says glumly.
"As if! I can't afford the six dollars a night!" Homer dismisses such an idea as too expensive.
"No we won't! Bart, we're not giving up just yet!" Marge pulls the family together.
"Yep! Bart, I don't think Sideshow Bob won that election fairly. No one in town is that stupid or evil to want to vote for Bob!" Lisa taps her nose.
"You think he rigged the election?" Bart asks.
"I know he did. I just need proof. To the library!" Lisa declares.
"Aw shucks! Not the library..." Bart groans. They go to the Springfield library. Lisa asks for papers on everyone who voted in the election.
"Here you go." The librarian gives them the results on a long list. Lisa reads them while Bart reads through a telephone number guide and giggles at A. Gorilla.
However it's hopeless as everyone on the list pretty much voted for Bob. Lisa briefly falls asleep as a mysterious silhouette leaves behind a letter.
Lisa reads a letter. It is instructing her to go to a parking lot alone tonight if she wants answers on who voted for Bob and why. A mysterious helper also wants to stop Bob.
At home Bart is moping. “We’re gonna lose our home and have to live under a bridge like common trolls...” said Bart playing with his Marge haired troll doll.
A life sized troll from the troll doll franchise cane into the kitchen singing a doo be doo doo song and sat down.
“Now enough of that losers talk sweetie! You’ll beat Sideshow Bob again this time Sweetie! I have faith in you and your sister!” said Marge comforting Bart.
“Thanks Mom.” said Bart.
“After all you’re both just kids and you’ve defeated Bob so many times and foiled all his plans! And he’s an evil genius!” said Marge.
“Thanks for the flattery Mom, but I’m flattered out...” said Bart fanning himself.
The next day the house shook violently. So violently that Hugo was knocked out of the attic.
He laughed madly and ran about.
Homer was awoken by the noises and smashing of wrecking balls. And by Hugo laughing and running about early that morning.
“Ahhhhhhh! It’s the rapture! Get Bart out of the house before God comes!” Homer screamed.
“Oh good grief...” Marge sighed.
They found Bob smashing up their house with a demolition crew. And Hugo running about the drive laughing maniacally.
”Get back inside freak!” Homer yelled at Hugo. Hugo went back inside.
”Leave our house alone you horrible man!” Marge yelled at Sideshow Bob.
“The house is getting unstable! We’ll have to have breakfast in town before we go to the library!” said Lisa dressed suddenly.
“Okay sweetie. Give Bob Hell for me!” said Marge.
“You too Mom!” said Lisa. “Up yours Bob!” she swore at Mayor Bob, flipping him off!
“You nurse that mouth?” Sideshow Bob asked Marge, rather shocked.
Then Hugo ran out laughing madly on all fours like a dog. Or a feral child.
“D’oh!” Homer groaned trying to catch Hugo.
Meanwhile Homer and Marge fight off Sideshow Bob's demolition crew. Maggie and Oscar helped them fight the crew back while Hugo pounced on Mayor Bob and began biting him.
"Dang nabbit son! Move your goddamn house!" Grampa seems more concerned about using the new Matlock Express Way than his son's family.
That night Homer agrees to take Lisa and Bart to the car park to meet their mysterious savior.
"Cool! We're just like Woodward and Bernstein!" Lisa says enthusiastically. Whatever they are.
"Yeah, except their dad didn't sit in the back of the car reading Archie comics..." Bart groans.
"Stupid Riverdale punks! Think they're too good for me?!" Homer grumbles while reading Archie comics.
The mysterious man appears in the shadows.
"I see you have came. Now to explain my sec-" However Homer shines his high beams on the man who turns out to be Mr Smithers as a deepthroat.
"Hi Mr Smithers!" Homer yells bubbling his horn. Bart and Lisa face palm.
"Tch! Well you may as well take me home now! Simpson!" Smithers is annoyed Homer ruined the secret meeting.
"I don't usually go behind Mr Burns's back, but the Republican Party have a long policy of being against homosexuality. I'm err doing this for a friend..." Smithers is reluctant to admit his homosexuality. "Find Edgar Neubauer. When you do you'll find the others..."
The next day they try to find the location of Edgar Neubauer. Eventually Bart finds the only Edgar Neubauer who lived in Springfield.
"Lisa! I found him! I found Edgar Neubauer!" Bart is standing by a grave in the Springfield Cemetery. The tombstone is labled Edgar Neubauer. 1600 to 1653.
"Oh my god! The dead have risen from their graves and voted Republican!" Bart yells.
"Coooool!" Oscar thinks zombies voting Republican is cool.
"No! Don't you see! The dead can't vote!" Lisa explains. (Oscar sighs sadly.) "Look Prudence Goodwife, Buddy Holly, Richie Valaris, No! The Big Bopper!" We see an eleborate grave for the Big Bopper.
"Awwww! I wanted another zombie outbreak... Let's steal that dark magic book from the school library again!" Oscar really wants to create a zombie plague.
"Look! He even used the names of dead animals! Mr and Mrs Bananas, Humphrey Boa-gart, Shnookums... No no no please not- (pained gasp) Snowball?! Not my poor, dead kitty! That's it Bob! Now it's personal!!" Lisa vows revenge against Bob.
"Uh hey, he did try to kill me!" Bart whines.
”Wait there’s more!” said Oscar, “nada nada nada... Don’t know who’s pet that is... that’s Ralph’s old hamster... Oh No!”
”Stampy!” Bart yelled. Seeing Stampy the elephant voted for Bob.
Stampy grumbled sadly.
”Bart don’t blame him! Animals can’t vote...” said Lisa.
”Lis, he’s the symbol of the Republican Party! Stampy knew what he was doing! You bad creature! You!” said Oscar telling off Stampy. Stampy picked him op and stuffed him in his mouth. “Eeeeeugh! Get me outta here!”
”Okay, now it’s personal!” Bart snapped.
Bart and Lisa take Bob to court.
"Bob you don't have to do this!" Birch Barlow explains.
"Oh it's alright let the kids have their day in court, before they return to their cold, motel mattresses..." Sideshow Bob glares at Bart and Lisa.
"Robert Underdunk Terwilliger, did you rig the election with the names of dead people and animals?" Lionel Hutz asks him.
"No. I did not." Sideshow Bob replies in a monotone voice.
Lionel Hutz shrugs his shoulders. "Kids, help!"
"Don't worry, Bart, I know how to trap him." Lisa explained. She cross examines Sideshow Bob and drinks his glass of water, "You know Bob. I have to admit you are a genius, some might say diabolical... But I know you couldn't have cooked up such a plan alone. You were merely a fall guy, puppet if you will for- Birch Barlow!" Lisa points out Birch Barlow in the stands. Everyone gasps and Birch is speechless.
"You were just Barlow's Lackey!" Bart yells.
"You were Nancy to his Ronnie!" Lisa adds.
"Sonny to his Cher!" Bart yells.
"Ringo to his rest of the Beatles!"
"Hey!" Yells Ringo.
"Lies! All lies!" Sideshow Bob snaps.
"Then tell us the truth!" Bart yells.
"The truth?! You can't handle the truth! Bah! No truth handler are you! I deride your truth handling abilities!" Sideshow Bob successfully quotes A Few Good Men.
"Bob just answer the the question..." Judge Roy Snyder sighs.
"I did it! I did it all!" Sideshow Bob yells as he passes out evidence. "Each a work of Machiavellian art!" Birch face palms.
"But why?!" Judge Snyder asks.
"Too protect you from yourselves! Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democrat. But deep down you secretly wish for a cold hearted Republican to rule you like a king!" Sideshow Bob finishes his rant. "Now, if you excuse me, I have a town to run..." Sideshow Bob goes to leave.
"Bailiff, place the mayor under arrest!" Judge Snyder orders Sideshow Bob's arrest, he is quickly apprehended.
"What? Ooooh... all that vote rigging stuff... Very well. But be warned Simpson children! I will have my revenge!"
"Take him away. Case dismissed!" Judge Snyder rules in Bart and Lisa's favor. Everyone cheers.
Outside of Court Bart and Lisa celebrate.
"And guess what! You get to go back to fourth grade!" Lisa cheers.
"Awww... Tomorrow we were going to find out who the dish ran away with..." Bart sighs.
"The spoon, Bart..." Lisa groans at his stupidity.
"Oooooh..." Bart realises as they have their photo taken for the Springfield newspaper.
The Newspaper however is being read by the Republican Party Headquarters members.
"Curses! Foiled by those Simpson brats!" Mr Burns snaps as he slams down the newspaper.
"Do you want to fire their father, Mr Homer Simpson?" Smithers asks.
"No, that would be too hasty and could alert them to us." Mr Burns replies. "For now we bide our time..."