Simpsons Fanon

Shazam! Oscar follows in Bart and Lisa’s footsteps and becomes a magician. But first he must contend with a few uncles of his he doesn’t like. Meanwhile Care A lot is falling apart and Oscar finds a book in his strict Uncle Cornelius’s gypsy wagon with evil powers!


The chalkboard gag is “I do not deserve a Mother’s Day gift for being one bad ass mother...”

Bart Jr and Chirpy Boy the flying lizards arrive with a Mother’s Day gift for Bart.

”Awwwww!” Bart was touched.

The couch gag is the Simpsons and future kids, (Kirk and Picard, Zia, Maggie Jr.) Sit on the couch.


At the Simpsons house in the basement Oscar is going through boxes.

”Hey watch it! Some of my laboratory equipment is in those boxes! And it is very delicate!” said James Bouvier sharply.

”And that box has my magician stuff in it. Why do you want to look in there?” Bart asked.

”Because I want to be a magician. And pulls bunnies out of hats.” said Oscar. Bart winced embarrassed by his friend childishly calling a rabbit a bunny...

”Well, okay but be careful. And if you want to be a magician like myself and Lisa, you’ll need an origin episode.” said Bart.

”This is my origin episode. My The Great Money Caper, my The Great Simpsina. I’m writing it right now!” said Oscar.

”Oh.” said Bart.


”Who threw that rubber chicken?!” James yelled.

Hugo came downstairs drinking a soda. Dark Clownja was in a mood thinking about scaring people. “He must be scared of clowns. Everyone is scared of clowns...” he thought to himself. “Raaaaaawr!”

Hugo was not fazed by the cartoon clown headed jack in a box thing. “Oz, something is up with your clown thing...”

”Like what?” Oscar asked.

”Like he is trying to scare me by the looks of things...” said Hugo. Dark Clownja was glaring at him and pulling faces.

”Just ignore him...” said Oscar.

”Oz you have a visitor...” said Marge from upstairs.

Oscar hurried up and out of the basement to see who it was.

Unfortunately it was his uncle Boethius. Upon seeing the fat upperclassman in a tweed jacket over a crisp white shirt he screamed and slammed the door.

”Oscar! Your uncle was just saying he wants you to live with him!” Marge said sharply.

”Not on your life!” Oscar said horrified.

”Hello? I seem to have been shut out...” said Boethius.

”Oz, you need to explain why you just shut the door on your uncle Boethius... now please....” said Marge.

Oscar sighed. “Because, my uncle Boethius sexually abused me...”

”I thought a female babysitter abused you.” Marge asked.

”Yes, and then when I thought my uncle Boethius believed me and was offering me a sympathetic ear and shelter, he molested me! And I am dead serious! I don’t go screaming false accusations like Fizzie from Sunset Overdrive does...” said Oscar.

We cut to Oscar headed off somewhere in a hurry with Clownja.

”Help! I’m being molested!” Clownja cried.

”Shhhhhh! Clownja stop yelling that!” Oscar told the Clownja off.

In the present.

Marge sighed believing Oscar immediately.

”You better get rid of him before I call the cops...” said Oscar pointing at the door.

”Was he really that bad?” Bart asked butting in.

”Bart-“ Oscar squeezed his nose. “You of all people should know neither of us want to talk about our experiences!” Oscar was vexed. “And yes he was a monster! He was as bad if not worse than Jimmy Saville...”

”Ay carumba!” Bart yelped.


Meanwhile in the future time line.

Maggie as a teenager took Eric, who was about Lisa’s age to the park.

”Why did you bring your skateboard? You can’t skate here...” said Maggie as Eric Simpson bought his skateboard.

”Dunno. I’m skating anyway...” said Eric.

”You are not! That’s problem with your brother, he never had a big sister to keep him from doing his own thing and being a rebel without a cause...” Maggie said sharply.

Eric yawned because her lecture was boring.

Then two care bears arrived. Um Lucky bear and err Grumpy...

”Secret Bear and Friend Bear...” Eric sighed, correcting the author.

Maggie giggled.

”Eric that is so sad that you know all the Care Bears...” Bart sighed drinking hooch as he sat on a bench in the park.

”Bart, I’m only eight! It is perfectly normal for me to watch cartoons! And extremely not normal to watch R rated movies! Despite what you insist!” Eric explained.

“Um... are you Kim and Jason?” Friend Bear asked.

”Uh no...” said Eric. “She’s my big sister Maggie and I’m Eric...”

”Oh... wrong park! Beam us up Scotty Bear!” said Secret Bear. The Care Bear rainbow rescue beam teleports them back to Care A Lot.

”Um okay...” said Eric.

”Bart stop hating on cute things! Teddy! Care Bear tummy rainbow beam!” Oscar ranted ordering Teddy to attack.

”Care bear stare!” Teddy yelled firing a rainbow energy beam out of his tummy.

Bart sighed as the rainbow did nothing. It wasn’t supposed to except to destroy evil. “Oz that only works against evil...”


The present.

In her room, Lisa was playing with a bird cage with a dove in it and a blanket performing magic tricks.

She made the dove vanish and reappear. Turned it into a white rabbit, a rabbit skeleton, water and then her Dad’s disembodied head.

”What the?! Aaaaaaaaagh! Aaaaaagh!” Homer’s head screamed.

Lisa sighed and put the cloth over the bird cage and got her dove back. She sighed with relief.

”Um... Lisa... help!” Headless Homer came into her room.

”Oh my gosh!” Lisa gasped.

”Oz stop messing with reality...” said Bart.

”Dad you have a head...” Lisa sighed.

Homer’s head popped back on.

”Phew! That was weird! Save your magic tricks for the great Raymundo sweetie...” Homer sighed.

The door bell rang.

”Leprechaun!” Lisa yelled with joy.

”Lis! Stop that!” Bart yelled annoyed.

Oscar and Marge answered the door. There was a stern looking magician wearing a shiny blue top hat and cape and suit.

”Oh Uncle Cornelius...” said Oscar a little peeved.

”Don’t take that sour mood with me, boy. I might not be happy go lucky and buzzing with narcotics like your paternal uncle Buck, but I heard Boethius was in town pestering you. I’m sorry my boy, but let me help.” said Cornelius.

Oscar sighed. His uncle Cornelius did care for him, despite being a right stick in the mud. “But Marge, this man may care for me, he is really strict and grouchy...”

”Asking you to eat your vegetables and help out a little with unpacking is not grouchy Oscar...” Cornelius sighed.

Oscar rolled his eyes.

”So you want to be a magician Oscar... you’ll have to start somewhere... such as helping your uncle pack and unpack. Yes it’s tiresome but it teaches you discipline and other... Oscar...” Cornelius sighed because Oscar was yawning.

”Sorry but I had an early morning and a late night...” said Oscar.

”Well, is it a yes or no, boy? Come on, I haven’t got all day..,” said Cornelius.

Oscar sighed. “It’s a yes. But stop calling me boy! My name is Oscar!”

“Well let’s get going!” said Cornelius.

”But Oscar’s things!” said Marge.

Oscar grinned and waved his wand. An old style clothes box kept at the foot of a bed walked about in a hurry on several, no less than ten pairs of legs.

”Hehehehe... Terry Pratchett...” Oscar grinned.


Oscar was at an old wooden caravan helping his uncle Cornelius unpack his magician gear.

”Nnnnngh! I forgot magician’s have so much stuff!” said Oscar carrying a heavy box and carefully putting it down where requested.

”Professional magicians, not small fry such as your friends Bart and Lisa, need a lot of equipment. This box for example is where I keep the saw a lady in half trick. However it has been very long since I have had a glamours assistant...”

”Well don’t look at me! I’m just a boy and I’m the dog’s body. I do all the heavy lifting remember!” said Oscar.

”There is just one more thing, boy. It’s an old book locked with a lock. Don’t open it...” said Cornelius.

Oscar went inside. On a table was an old ancient looking book locked with a keyhole. Nicholas from Care Bears tried to open it.

”No! You are not listening to the creepy lady green face who I strongly suspect was the main antagonist from Twinkle the dream being that is inhabiting this book and getting yourself brainwashed and freaky looking!” said Oscar taking the book.

Tenderheart bear sighed with relief.

”Oh my goodness! A living teddy bear!” said Nicholas.

Oscar and Teddy rolled their eyes.

”Hurry up Oscar. Don’t dilly dally...” said Cornelius.

Oscar arrived with the book.

Nicholas sighed, wanting to rule the world by causing unhappiness with the evil book.

Homer then arrived.

”You!” Cornelius was cross with Homer.

Homer screamed.

”You impersonated me! At the Springfield retirement home!”

We flashback to when Homer booked himself into the retirement home impersonating an old man called Cornelius. The staff were too stupid or lazy to check what Cornelius looked like and just ran with it.

Homer made a fuss and demanded things like a breathing machine because a resident had a machine breath for him. And diapers because he didn’t want to get up to use the toilet.

”You can’t be asked to getup and use that?” The nurse asked.

”Yeah. And how comes I have to-“

An elderly man came in.

”Good afternoon! I am Cornelius Talmadge. I went on a run about because you weren’t watching me and my daughter found me and brought me back. I’ve been gone for a month...” said an old man.

”Wait! If you’re Cornelius! Who was...” the nurse asked. But Homer suddenly left in a hurry.

Thr present.

”No Uncle... that was your pops and my gramps Cornelius....” said Oscar. “You’re not that old.... and I wouldn’t have you be put in a home...”

“You have a Grampa Cornelius?! How is-“ Homer asked but Oscar swiftly interrupted.

”He’s one of the guys from the lemon party shock image... I don’t want to talk about him... it’s embarrassing...” said Oscar.


Meanwhile in Care a lot, their latest invention wasn’t working properly and parts of Care a Lot were shutting down because it runs on the power of love and friendship. Plus they were at war with My Little Pony!

”Boys vs Girls, Bears vs Ponies.” Good Luck Bear explained.

on the kid monitor Lisa Simpson was tidying up he enormous collection of ponies from My Little Pony. Leading the boys in friendship and love and general sappiness was Oscar hugging one of his many teddy bears and sucking his thumb.

”Oscar...” Cornelius sighed.

”What?” Oscar asked.

Up in Care a lot Tenderheart bumped his head while repairing a machine. “Ow! Ow! Ow!” He muttered.

Tugs and Hugs were there for some reason and this was G1, so they still wore diapers. Damn you CGI reboots and your opposition to depicting baby cartoon bears in diapers! Babyfurs for ever!

Oscar was drawing Teddy his cartoon teddy bear creature wearing a simple cloth diaper.

Plot 2[]

Cornelius enrolled Oscar in magician school with Bart, Lisa and Milhouse. Milhouse failed epically as usual what with cats ruining his act and screeching etc. Bart was an independent young magician, self taught with his magician kit he brought when the Simpsons went to see Diablo, and Marge got addicted to Long Islands.

”Moooom... are you drinking Long Island Ice Teas again...” Bart sighed.

”Um no...” Marge lied while sipping a Long Island Ice Tea.

Lisa was dressed in a smart dinner suit with coat tails and gloves and a top hat. She was Skyping The Great Raymundo who still hasn’t found his long lost daughter and still hallucinates his dead wife when he takes his ether gas or morphine or something...

Hugo was picking peaches but being prevented from doing so by Monkey Hero.

”Sun Wukong...” Monkey Hero said glaring at the fourth wall.

”Look! I found a donut peach!” said Hugo picking a flat peach.

”Oh!” Monkey took it. “Mmmmmmmm! Donuts...” He drooled.

Hugo went off smugly to pick more peaches.

Suddenly the annoying singing country music boy was there.

”And this year’s peach is a fuzzy peach, it’s skin is soft and-Aaaaaargh!” The annoying boy sung but Oscar stabbed him with a hay fork.

”Phew! Thanks Oz.” said Hugo.

Anyway aside from drunk Marge and peach related antics, Oscar was practicing his magic with his top hat while Baby Oscar caused problems. Oscar took a rabbit out from his hat and performed card tricks and tricks with the rings. Suddenly while his shiny blue top hat was on the table Baby Oscar took it and barfed beige vomit into it. Oscar winced in disgust. His younger self then stuffed it on his head. He groaned as vomit splattered and dripped down his neck.

Oscar read from his magic book but the evil spirit green lady face pranked him and caused a torrent of water to blast out of his top hat in his face.

He spluttered as the test audience laughed.

Meanwhile Nicholas annoyed casted a spell that made all the kids in the crowd hate each other and fight. The evil spirit enjoyed this. Also why was the villain this green lady face and not No Heart?!

“The fact you know all the Care Bears villains is sad...” Bart groaned.


Care a lot was falling apart, Sora was trying to use the key blade to open the evil magic book in Uncle Cornelius’s study.

”No Sora...” Oscar sighed. “My uncle said no...”

“It’s a giant key and there’s a lock!” Sora protested.

”You’ll unleash the Heartless!” Oscar warned.

Cloud quakes continued to tear apart Care a lot. A rainbow slide from Care a lot to Earth stopped working sending Secret Bear, Friend Bear, Kim and Jason plummeting into the Forest of Feelings.

”That is a real sappy name...” Future Bart groaned.

Eric made a rude face at him as he explored the Forest of Feelings with Maggie.

Then Oscar freaked out because in German, No heart is called Master Heartless!

”Oh shoot! Now you can help Sora!”

Sora summoned the Oathkeeper Keyblade.

Eric face palmed.

”I’m not even...” Bart shook his head.

”No heart is the main antagonist in Care Bears and some of the straight to video tape movies...” Eric sighed. “And yes in German his name is Master Heartless...”

”Heartless!!” Oscar screamed as heartless appeared.

Tenderheart bear sweat dropped.


Cornelius then sent Oscar on a quest to learn how to be a magician with his own origin episode. Ie, stop him fucking with the episode with moronic cameos.

His first objective was to go to Care a lot and fix the rainbow slides broken by the cloud quakes.

In Care a lot the Care Bears and their friends the Gummi bears were painting the rainbows with magic rainbow paint, because magic paint is Gusto Gummi’s thing...

Bart face palmed.

Oscar turned himself into a baby and cuddled Good Luck Bear as he sucked his shiny blue pacifier.

“There, that’s us reconnected with Earth, Forest of Feelings, Heaven, Leprechaun land and Gay Land!” said Tenderheart pointing at slides that led to the land of cartoon leprechauns and a land entirely populated with gay men.

”Hellooooooo sailor!” said a gay man.

”Oooooh! Who’s the bear?” asked another.

”I am so going to Gay Land!” said Hugo with glee running for the rainbow slides.

”Hugo no!” Bart whined.

Then the Care Bears had a sappy musical scene, because it’s a sappy cartoon and there has to be singing...

A blue cartoon bear cub, Care Bear/Gummi Bear etc was holding baby Oscar and sniffing his diaper with his big wet shiny blue nose. Oscar gurgled and wriggled.

Apparently he needed a diaper change because the Care Bear gagged and laid him down and changed his diaper.

Meanwhile Nicholas used the evil magic book with the green lady face inside to create a purple evil spirit that terrorised the Care Bears in the form of a swordfish and then an evil tree that grabbed Kim and Jason and scared the crap out of me!

Oscar deciding now was not the time for his weird teddy bears with shiny noses sniffing him stories slid down the slide to the Forest of feelings. The baby clad only in a diaper was grabbed by Playful Heart the Monkey clones. Monkeys basically. The monkeys pulled him about, playing catch with him until he caught a vine and swung away from them. He watched Kim and Jason be scared of heights in the lower branches of an average sized tree you’d climb up in the park. Oscar rolled his eyes, Then in a clearing he encounters a green curious bear cub and it sniffs his diaper with his big wet shiny green nose. Oscar wets himself and is quite determined to waste the episode staying with the green cartoon bear cub letting him sniff him etc.


Meanwhile Bart was annoyed by me starting stories for him and not finishing them. Hey! If this is about Adventures in baby getting and Penny wise guys... I’m not to blame for a Matt not resolving the thing with Father Mike...

Bart, Ralph, Milhouse and Nelson were on another adventure while fleeing Father Mike swinging his crucifix and prayer beads about menacingly and finding the value of a coin.

However this episode isn’t about them, it’s about Oscar. So they are just here for filler!

Party Posse in Peaky Blinders clothes frowned at the fourth wall.


Meanwhile Oscar was pulling on a giant green bear cub’s gooey boogers he had got stuck in, as he tends to do... when the bear cub pulled him free of the snot and returned him to normal size and left him to continue his quest. He stopped at a purple tree with Teddy and rested. Teddy was telling a story about monsters and doing the hand gestures etc when the purple tree came to life with evil staring yellow eyes and grabbed them with its arms. They screamed, Oscar screamed hysterically.

”Oz calm down! You’ll give yourself a heart attack!” Teddy warned Oscar. The Care Bears tried to save them, the tree grabbed the cartoon bears with branch like tendrils. It took Swift heart the rabbit running extremely fast to trick the tree into tying itself up with vines. Swift heart then chewed the branches to free Oscar, Teddy and the Care Bears.


Meanwhile Bart and Party Posse off stage, aka the Hardy Boys, Mmmmmmmm! Literature... Investigate a sinister road sign!

A stinger jingle plays as we zoom on a road sign! Mwuhahahaha!

Oh and something involving evil twins...

Hugo laughs maniacally as Bart winces at the fourth wall.

”Maybe letting us help with any puzzles or riddles on your quest Oz?” Bart sighed.

”No, because you won’t accept my riddle answers...” said Oscar.

”Because they are really obscure and off the wall...” said Bart.


Oscar watched the Care Bears destroy the purple evil spirit in the form of a giant eagle with their combined Care Bear stare.

”Taste the rainbow, motherfucker!” A voice boomed out.

”Um okay...” said Oscar.

Oscar got the Care Bear ship back to Earth, he headed to Grimly hills, where Ace G Dracula, his vampire friend lived.

”Great crimes kill holy sage... Ace gee, Grimly Hills, Stork.” said Oscar.

”That is way too specific for a riddle answer... Hey! Don’t look through my things!” Ace groaned.

Oscar yelped because he activated a trap on something ie a bear trap etc.

Magician Bart and Magician Lisa arrived at Ace’s mansion exasperated as they went inside to fetch Oscar and get him to return himself to his usual age.

”I did that while on the Care Bear ship...” said Oscar.

The three young wizards went on numerous detours because of Oscar’s insistence on the riddle answers.

”Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow.”

Oscar insisted on travelling America on his flying broom trying to find a sphinx made of black quartz.

Bart sighed as they found the sphinx.

”Speak your vow...” said the Sphinx.

Oscar’s vow to eat less chocolate was terrible so the Sphinx fired red eye lasers at him.

”The Five boxing wizards jumped quickly.”

In a thought cloud Oscar thought of Malicious Krubb in a boxing match with Angelica Button.

”You really need to go on anti psychotic pills...” Bart sighed exasperated.


In a carnival theme park over run by kids consumed with hate and uncaring, Evil Nicholas was gathering ingredients for his potion, such as a spiderweb, a burnt out M80, bubble gum... an apple core....

”Ooooooh! Crunchings and munchings!” said Gurgi from the Black Cauldron. He’s there because he’s cute!

He also gained the ability to fire death beams from his finger at people! Which was cool!

Gurgi yelped as the death beam missed him and fled. Nicholas collected the apple core.

The Care Bears and cousins and Kim and Jason went in a topsy turvy fun house exhibit. The cousins screwed with things to slow Evil Nicholas down. Eventually they got him stuck in a spinning tunnel thing. But he yelled out a cool sounding spell “Narak-new!” and stopped the spinning tunnel completely. It was inside a weird creepy clown face, in the mouth to be precise.

“I could pull off being an evil magician... but I don’t want to... I want to be nice...” said Oscar.

suddenly zombies emerged from the ground.

”When zombies arrive, quickly fax Judge Pat.” Oscar got out a fax machine and faxed someone. A judge arrived and shot all the zombies with a sawn off shotgun.

Bart sweat dropped.

Then an unexpected trading quest which involved helping an old housewife make by hand some hand woven silk pyjamas to trade for some blue quartz. Oscar wanted to keep the pyjamas to sleep in because they looked comfy.

which they traded to Comic Book Guy for an Onyx Goblin King Magic the Gathering card.

”We could have got a rare comic...” Bart sighed.

”I need that card and the post it note attached to it...” said Oscar.

The Oscar got home to the Simpsons house annoyed because the foxy diva Jennifer Lopez was not baking his quiche! It was still in the oven cold with the oven off.

”Jennifer! Why have you not baked my quiche?!” Oscar yelled.

”Oz! She is a very famous singer and movie star... she’s not going to flippin’ bake you a quiche!” Bart ranted.


Then the three young magicians, Bart, Lisa and Oscar were caught up in the My Little Pony vs Care Bears war! Cue My Little Pony characters and Care Bears beating the crap out of each other in a bloody field as Care bear stare rainbow lasers and Cutie Mark beams blast about.

Bart face palmed.

”Well I think those silly bears started it and I’m helping Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle...” Lisa insisted going over to help the ponies.

”Well I think those girly ponies started it! I’m off to help Tenderheart and all the cute cuddly wuddly teddy bears!” said Oscar going off to help the Care Bears.

Bart sighed. “Well I think you are both sappy babies! Count me out!” Bart stormed off to find something cool.

”Yeah... that um pony bear fight is casting geek rays all over town...” Jimbo Jones sighed.

”They’re not geek rays... they’re Care Bear Stares...” said Oscar.

Bart sighed and continued his Hardy Boys um thing with Party Posse while wearing Peaky Blinders clothes.

Elsewhere Oscar and Dee Dee were caught by the ponies as prisoners of war. They were tied up and dangled from a hook that lowered them towards a vat of molten metal, or molten honey or something bubbling and extremely hot. Dee Dee winced. Oscar looked worried and wet his diaper because he decided to be a baby again. Their situation was dire.

Until the Happy Little Elves characters arrived, and Narnia and the Gummi Bears and Dragon tales Smaug. Not regular Smaug, Dragon tales Smaug...

”Oz there is no freakin’ Smaug in Dragon tales!” Bart whined as the lane cartoon war got everywhere, even in the Kwik e mart there were Care Bears and ponies and cute sappy dragons fighting.

”Okay he was in Pocket Dragons though...” said Oscar.

”No he wasn’t!” Bart groaned. “And you are slowly being lowered to your doom into a vat of molten gold or something.

Dexter dressed as a ballerina rescued us.” said Oscar.

Plot 3[]

Meanwhile this was the conclusion of the Care Bears movie where Nicholas turns evil because he read an old magic book that can make keys appear and has a green lady face inside it. He picked up this freaky raspy voice and looks really creepy brainwashed!

The Care Bears after a rollercoaster ride try to Care Bear stare him, this doesn’t work. The Care Bear cousins try calling by making annoying sounds but get exhausted. Eventually Kim and Jason break his trance and he struggles to shut the evil book. Luckily Sora comes along and uses the keyblade to lock it. But not before fighting a giant Heartless!

A Heartless as a video game boss appears.

”Anyone else bothered by the annoying sappy cartoons?” Bart sighed.

”No! I think aside from them fighting each other, that it is very, very cute!” said Marge. “And Maggie and Eric love seeing all their favourite cartoons!”

Eric nodded sucking his pacifier.

Kyle from South Park thought Imagination Land had happened again and was kicking Ike. “Kick the baby!”

”No! Don’t kick the baby!” said Ike.

”Kick the baby!” Kyle kicked him like a football and he squealed as he flew away.

”What the hell is wrong with you?!!” Bart snapped at Kyle. “You don’t ever, ever do that to your baby brother!” He yelled at Kyle while protectively holding Eric.

”Quiet so! What is wrong with you young man?!” Marge scolded Kyle.

Stan threw up/vomited.

”Ah... One character traits and gags and where Kyle wasn’t a complete saint...” said Oscar.


Meanwhile in the kingdom of Springheim some grumpy wizards tried to poison a jovial Queen so Oscar threw the poisonous potion away and fought the wizards. Then he fell in love but his new girlfriend soon left him because he demanded she make him exactly six dozen plaid jackets.

”Nooooo! I can change babe!” Oscar cried.

Then there was an advertisement for Jeopardy!

Watch Jeopardy! Alex Trebek’s fun quiz game!

”No!” Bart, Lisa and Oscar yelled.

Then they investigated some symbols carved into a cave wall inside a hollow mountain on an inlet in Wales while dealing with a n irritated eccentric person.

An irritated eccentric person. Possibly Guthrie Frenel screamed at them.


Then they had to deal with an anti Semitic Abyssinian fly annoyed by a flag with the Hebrew letter Qoph on it.

”Well don’t be bothered by Jurkle’s flag then, you stupid fly!” Oscar yelled swatting the fly.

Then Oscar got some diamonds Dr Goodall gave him and ran around annoying the genie from the Dirt Genie commercial. The genie, inexplicably voiced by Dan Castellaneta yelled and screamed as he fled, trying to spread dirt and muck everywhere as he flew about trying to flee Oscar.


Pangrams got on the news when Iraq was deeply vexed by the beauty products company Schwartzkopf. In July.

”Um... okay...” said Homer watching the channel six news.

Then a judge did not approve of foxy chimp love!

Cleatus protested he be allowed to deflower a young chimp.

”No!” Judge Snyder hammered his gavel.

Then Joaquin Phoenix was snapped up by MTV.

Then something involving Jean Claude Van Damne, a sleazy boxer and funky music.

Bart winced.

Then Bart and Hugo were confused when Oscar thwarted a computer hacker. Quizzical twins proved my hijack bug fix.

Bart and Hugo scratching their heads confused.

“I want your uncle Jimbo’s copy of the Gwyneth Paltrow quiz game and in other nyeeeeeewz! A cop quizzed Mick Jagger’s ex wives!” Oscar ran in the channel six news studio and grabbed the mic.

Mick Jagger stood about as cops asked his ex wives questions.

Then Oscar took a hiccuping dragon to camp.


Meanwhile Eric took part in a sappy sing a long with the Care Bears and Care cousins said they sing about how they sleep. Playful heart the monkey sleeps in a flower.

A curious bear cub sniffs Eric’s diaper with his big wet shiny green nose. Eric winced and backed away but the bear cub kept sniffing him.

When he got back to Uncle Cornelius’s. His uncle was so exasperated by his detour but glad he kept his promise and did not attempt to open the evil magic book, which Nicholas did... He immediately rewarded Oscar by declaring he was an apprentice magician and well on his way to doing great things. He explained this while giving Oscar a blue shiny top hat with a blue ribbon around it, a blue cape and a blue tuxedo and white Mickey Mouse gloves.

“I’m not even... gonna begin to ask about that....” Cornelius raised his eyebrows flabbergasted by the Care Bears and My Little Ponies fighting.

”Um.... I really like Care Bears Uncle Cornelius...” Oscar replied blushing.

Magician Oscar gratefully bowed to his Uncle Cornelius and went off to perform sleight of hand magic. But first he had to deal with Penn and Teller, David Copperfield and Ricky Jay as the four evil magicians were back again.

”Didn’t they die last time?!” Bart asked.

”I know! What gives?” Oscar asked.

Bart, Lisa, Milhouse and Oscar faced the evil magicians until the Masked Magician arrived and defeated the four evil magicians.

Then Paul Daniels annoyed Sean Connery at a James Bond impersonating event to say “My names Bond, James Bond. Would you like a Claret or a Bordeaux?”

”Well Mr Daniels. Perhaps you can perform a magic trick for us and disappear!” said Sean Connery.

Then there was a magician vs clown war, which was the best random war after pirates vs ninjas and To be or not to be.

Cue Bart, Lisa, Milhouse and Oscar as magicians vs clown Quiffy, clown Mandy, clown Grim, Clown Mac, Clown Verne, clown Ace and many, many other clowns.

After getting pied, Oscar got his uncle’s blessing that he’d go far as a kid magician.

”Thanks, but why?” Oscar asked.

”Because magic must be passed on to the younger generation or it dies...” said Cornelius.

”Yes Uncle but how did you know I could be trusted not to take a peak in your old evil magic book? Like Nicholas did?” Oscar asked.

”Because my boy... Some children despite their faults have hearts of gold. However some are just nothing but faults, like Nicholas.” said Uncle Cornelius.

”Uh Nicholas redeemed himself in the end and fixed all the mess he caused...” said Bart.

”Yeah but his curiosity got the better of him...” said Oscar. “Oooooh! An old creepy looking magic book!”

”Oz no!” Bart and Lisa yelled.

”I’m just kidding...” said Oscar.

”Anyway where is the bonding scenes? Oz what was it like having a magician for an uncle?” said Bart.

”Cool. But I didn’t see much of Uncle Cornelius. Mom and Dad started cutting off family members that criticised their parenting or were a bad influence on me, ie Uncle Buck and his drug use...” said Oscar. “But I did idolise and enjoy my Uncle’s magic tricks.” said Oscar.

Cornelius smiled with a twinkle in his eyes. Never with his mouth. He smiled and tousled Oscar’s messy brown hair.


In the future Eric Simpson and Jason were in Care A lot hanging about with the Care Bears when Billy Zane Ansem attacked.

”All hearts, return to darkness!” He yelled. Summoning Heartless.

Then No Heart attacked.

”I like the cut of your jib. How about we propose an Alliance?” said Ansem.

No Heart accepted and became one of the thirteen darknesses. Because he totally should have...

“Ze Master Heartless... Ja Ja... we get it Oz...” Uter sighed.

Baby Oscar in his magician top hat and a tiny tuxedo went to Leapfrog Leap Pad world of sappy cartoons to be sappy and cute. And puke in his top hat probably.


Meanwhile Homer had thrown his frisbee over to the Brown House’s backyard. Dan as Gru was clipping his bushes.

”Dan? Dan.... Dan can I have my frisbee back please?” Homer asked Dan.

”Homer, I am no longer Dan! I am Gru! And... Oh shucks! The minions have got out!” said Gru as many yellow capsule shaped beings with either one eye each or two stumbled about with Myphones jabbering and cheering.

”Oh no! Not the snapchat filters!” Gru groaned as flowers appeared across the fourth wall.

Bart face palmed.

Then the minions put on a Snapchat filter that gave them blue ears and red shiny clown noses.

”Omg! Clooooowns!” said Oscar obsessed with clowns.

”No Oz!” Bart whined.

The minions except a small two eyes one screamed and fled.

”Philistines...” Oscar snapped.

”Oz. Not everyone has to like clowns just because you do!” Bart replied.

The minion that hadn’t fled seemed to like having a red shiny clown nose. He jabbered while squeezing his clown nose. Oscar smirked. The minion then kissed the camera and left.

Clownja made a kissing gesture at Oscar pursing his lips to kiss. Oscar grimaced and held Clownja aloft away from him.

As in Despicable Me canon, Gru/Dan had adopted three girls. Agnes had a fluffy unicorn plushy.

”It’s so fluffy I’m gonna die! It’s so fluffy!!” Agnes yelled holding her fluffy unicorn plush.

Bart winced.

Agnes then made goldfish sounds drumming her cheeks with her palms gently.

Oscar erupted like a volcano with anger. “Aaaaaaagh! That is infuriating!”

”Wow this really is annoying! I think I’ll keep doing it!” said Agnes.


Then Penn and Teller, Ricky Jay and David Copperfield were back. This time they brought with them the Masked Magician and Paul Daniels. However Bart, Lisa, Oscar and Milhouse got help from Timmy Turner as a white top hat wearing Magician super hero.

”The Masked Magician...” said Timmy.

”No.... that’s a real celebrity Magician...” Oscar explained to Timmy.

The Masked Magician shook his fist angrily.

Then there was Nicholas from Care Bears.

”No more flipping Care Bears!” Bart groaned.

And Cassie the kitten from Leap Frog Inc.

”No Oz....” Bart groaned.

”Bart, we’re getting our butts kicked by Penn and Teller, David Copperfield and Ricky Jay! We need all the help we can get!” Oscar said sharply as a razor sharp playing card thrown like a throwing star sliced off some of his overgrown messy anime hair. Which resembled Tai’s from Digimon but the spikes drawn differently as his hair growing out from the middle and out to the sides with a cowlick on top.

Bart sighed as Oscar summoned The Great Raymundo and Uncle Cornelius.

”And we need a musical montage or backing song while we fight together to work up our spirits. I’ve chosen Black Magic by Little Mix.” said Oscar.

Bart winced.

Take a sip from my secret potion!

I’ll make you fall in loooooove!

For a spell that can’t be broken!

One drop should be enough!

Oscar mixed a magic potion and hurled it at Penn, Teller etc and their goons.

”Hello, I’d like to be part of this battle of good vs evil...” said Clown Quiffy.

”This is a magician duel... no clowns... not even birthday clowns...” said Magician Oscar zapping with his wand, magic at Penn and Teller, Copperfield and Ricky Jay.

Bart pulled a bunny out of his hat to con people out of money for magic tricks.

“Bart no swiping! Bart no swiping!” Oscar called at him.

Magician Bart winced at the fourth wall. “Like that’s gonna stop me from panhandling and grifting money from poor suckers...”

Timmy got put in a magic sword box by the real Masked Magician.

”Okay... I’ll change the name of my persona... uh... The white magician?” Timmy groaned.

”How about the candy cane conjurer. Because you’re red and white, like a candy cane...” said Oscar.

”Uh.... no....” Timmy sighed.

Plot 4[]