Separate Vocations

Separate Vocations One a career aptitude test at school Bart is pleasantly surprised when he is predicted to be a cop. However Lisa is upset when it predicts her as a homemaker (house wife) or snowflake. (Far left jobless college student protester/Social Justice Warrior). Bart becomes a hall monitor after his taste of authority whereas an angry Lisa becomes very naughty!

Plot

In Krabappel's class there is an apitude test. "This test will determine what job you will get in the future. There are no wrong answers, however some of the outcomes might not be very desirable." Krabappel explained.

Meanwhile Miss Hoover explained the same thing to her class.

Some men then collect the tests once the exam is over.

They are put through a machine in a factory. However Bart's causes the machine to shut down. The old man in charge of the machine taps it with a broom and tells the ol girl to get back to work. The machine starts working again.

...

The school psychiatrist reads out everyone's results to them in one to one meetings with them.

"Late night talk show host!" Ralph cheers.

"Professional wrestler! Awesome!" Said Nelson.

"TV Chef?" Janey wasn't very happy with her result.

"Systems analyst! Systems analyst!" Martin says to himself out loud with crossed fingers.

"Systems analyst!" said the psychiatrist. "Although you didn't need to be a systems analyst to predict that, right?"

Martin cheers on receiving his results.

"General Surgeon or possible mad scientist?!" Hugo was confused by his results.

"A surgeon stitches people back together, Hugo." The psychiatrist explained.

"Do they stitch people to each other?" Hugo asked eagerly.

"Well no. Usually they perform separation procedures on conjoined patients."

Hugo lunged at the psychiatrist.

"Cartoonist! Coooool!" said Oscar on his turn.

"Glad you like it Oscar." said the bandaged up psychiatrist.

"A police officer? Well I'll be!" Bart was surprised.

"Surprised huh? Well if you want to know more I can always arrange a chaperone." The psychiatrist explained.

"Hey! I don't need you or anyone to get myself in the back of a police car." Bart insisted.

"Oh I must insist! In fact I originally had you down as a drifter."

"A drifter? Coool!" Bart imagines himself as a grown man walking in the rain having been run out of town.

"Stupid sheriff! Run me out of town!" said Bart as he was hitchhiking. A car soaked him with mud.

Bart's daydream then ended as he was dismissed from the office.

"A homemaker?!" Lisa asked confused by her result.

"It's like a mommy." The psychiatrist explained.

"I'm gonna be a flippin housewife?!" Lisa yelled.

"Well either that or a Social Justice Warrior protesting at everything." added the psychiatrist.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhh!" Lisa screamed.

...

At home Marge is reading everyone's results.

"Bart, I'm pleasantly surprised! You know your father always wanted to be a police officer, but they turned him down for being too fat." Marge explained. Bart laughed.

"No the army said I was too fat. The police said I was too dumb." said Homer.

Lisa was angry and in a mood.

"Lisa, being a house wife isn't so bad!" said Marge.

"Yes it is! It's an insult to women everywhere! I'm going to be a rebellious jazz musician who moves to France because her home country won't accept her jazz music. I'll be accepted there where I will take my mother's maiden name, get drunk, maybe have a few girlfriends and then I intend to die young! Or be a scientist or the president!" Lisa ranted.

"Hrrrrmm! I don't like that first one..." Marge explained.

"I'm gonna be the scientist here, sis!" said Hugo.

"Mad scientist, Hugo..." Bart explained.

"And you can't be president." Said Homer.

"Why not?!" Lisa asked annoyed.

"Because there are no woman presidents! There have only been white men!" Homer replied.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" Lisa screamed and ran off to her room.

"Homer you can be so bigoted sometimes!" Marge yelled.

"What?! I wanted to be president once but my Dad told me I was too dumb and called me a melon head!" Homer replied.

"Quit your daydreaming Melon head!" said Grampa who was staying over for dinner.

...

One day after school Lou and Eddie came round to collect Bart as his chaperones to show him what being a cop was like.

However Homer thought he was in trouble.

"Aaaaaaaagh! Look I didn't realise that copper wire belonged to someone! I thought it was free! Here take it!" Homer pleaded for mercy.

"Oh we're just here for Bart." said Eddie.

"A scare them straight seminar eh? Sure! That'll straighten him out! Boy get down here!" Homer yelled up to Bart.

Bart came downstairs and was friendly to Eddie and Lou and full of eager questions.

"Wow! Is that a Billy club?" Bart asked about Lou's truncheon.

"Son, it's called a tonfa." Lou explained politely.

"What's it for?" Bart asked.

"For clubbing people." Lou replied.

They all got in the patrol car.

However the Winfields were walking past.

"Well it's about time!" said Mrs Winfields.

"I remember when we used to live here. Say, let's see how that nice young lady and her daughter are doing that live there now!" said Mr Winfield.

...

Eddie and Lou are driving Bart around town. They see Sideshow Mel out for a run at night.

"It's always at this hour the crazy ones come out." Eddie explained.

They then pass a sleazy motel.

"Bart, see that motel." Lou asks. Bart nods. "That's Mayor Quimby's local stop." He paused "Tonight he's pledging for new voters."

Mayor Quimby is actually having an affair with a young lady.

"Cool!" said Bart.

They are driving for a bit. Bart the has a question.

"Are you guys still mad at me for that time I pretended someone was stuck down the well? Then I fell down there myself." Bart asked.

"No not really. You got your karma little dude." Lou explained. "Just don't ever do that again."

...

However after a pit stop for coffee they see Snake in his car rush past them.

"That's Snake's car! And he's way over the speed limit!" Lou explained. He put out an alert to all squad cars in the area.

"Snake?!" Bart asked. "I thought he was dead!" He added under his breath.

"Yup, some nut opened a cloning lab and brought back nearly every dead criminal. We once had to pursue Bonnie and Clyde... what a mess..." Eddie explained. "Let's roll." They got in the car and Bart got in the back. And drove off after Snake at high speed over bumps in the road.

"Coooool! A police chase." Bart cooed.

"Having fun back there?" Lou said to Bart as he drove the car.

"Oh no! The cops!" said Snake. He saw a car lot and drove into it.

"He's gone into the car lot." said Eddie to his radio. The cops went into the car lot.

However it was dark and they couldn't find Snake's car. They had to look around.

"Bart. This job is really dangerous." Lou explained. "Here. Take this gun. But only use in an emergency! Hopefully you won't need to." He gave Bart a gun.

No wonder Oscar finds these so cool... Bart thought to himself.

However while he was being absentminded a car's headlights came on.

"Oh! Little dude! You are so dead! And I mean it this time!" Snake remembered that Bart was responsible for him getting sent to the chair.

Snake drove his car at Bart. However Bart heard the car start up.

"Yipes!" Bart yelped as he ran away from the red sports car, Little Bandit. It chased him towards a narrow alleyway.

Bart came to a dead end. "Oh nuts!" Snakes car was heading towards him. He shot at the car. As he was blinded by the headlights the episode ended on a to be continued... This ain't Who shot Mr Burns!

...

However the alleyway was too narrow for Snake's car and it screeched to a halt scratching up its bodywork. Snake was thrown through his windshield because he didn't wear a seatbelt. He was badly injured.

"Bart! Thank goodness you're alright!" said Lou. "Hmmm... Now you see kid why you must always wear a seatbelt."

"Looks like our perp was money laundering." Eddie found some fake money on Snake. He was arrested and taken into a patrol car.

Wiggum was soon on the scene.

"Well, well! Another criminal put away boys!" said Chief Wiggum.

"Yeah, couldn't have done it without little Bart's help, Chief!" said Lou.

"Is that so?" Wiggum asked Bart.

"Yep! When I grow up I want to be a police officer!" said Bart.

"Well ain't that nice! I always thought Ralphie would follow in my footsteps and become a cop, but seems his test results at school said otherwise." Wiggum remarked as he guided Bart to Eddie and Lou's patrol car. "Speaking of which, how's little Lisa doing?"

"Not well Chief. Her test said she's gonna be a home maker. She's not happy..." Bart explained.

...

At the police station Bart watched Snake be processed and sent to the cells. The cops showed him around before it was time for him to go home.

...

The next day at school Bart got undead Willie arrested for having illegal booze or something.

Skinner thought this was one of Bart's elaborate pranks and tried to stop Willie being taken away.

"Bart! What in blazes is going on?!" Skinner yelled.

Wiggum explained what happened.

Skinner owed Bart an apology.

"Last night I had a taste for authority and I like it!" Bart explained.

Skinner thought long and hard. This could be a way to get through to Bart. "Say Bart, how would you like to be a hall monitor?"

"Wouldn't that mean squealing on people?" Bart asked.

"Sort of, but you get to wear this sash." Skinner had a yellow hall monitor sash.

"I'll wear it with pride!" Bart accepted the rank of hall monitor.

...

Later that day he was wearing sunglasses and the sash. He was bossing everyone about.

"No running in the hallways. Girls, looking good! Lewis is that gum?" Oscar skateboards down the hallway. Bart trips his board sending him flying. "Not in my hallway..." Bart confiscated Oscar's skateboard.

Jimbo and his gang were holding Milhouse down and slapping his belly to give him pink belly.

"Pink belly! Pink belly!" Jimbo and his friends recited.

"Ok shows over folks! That belly ain't getting any pinker..." Bart broke up the spectacle and demanded Milhouse be released.

"Thanks Bart." said Milhouse.

"Move along..." Bart replied.

"Wedgie!" Kerne gave Milhouse a wedgie. He walked awkwardly down the hall because of his stretched underpants.

Plot 2

After storming off to her room at her dad's sexist remark. Lisa cried and cried until Marge came up to see her.

"How about we go down to see King Toots." Marge suggested.

"Thanks Mom." Lisa replied drying her eyes.

However Mr Toots son was running the store.

"Will I ever be a jazz musician?" Lisa asked.

"I don't believe I've ever heard you play." said the owner.

Lisa played her best. The man was impressed with her.

"Well?" Lisa asked.

"Hell no! Lisa, you have what's called stubby fingers. It usually runs in the father's side of the family. You need long fingers to play the saxophone!" said the owner.

"You're wrong! Wrong! Having long fingers isn't what helps you play! It's what's in your heart!" Lisa rants before running out of the store in tears.

"Lisa!" Marge called after her.

Mr Toot came out.

"Rory! What have you said now?!" Mr Toot scolded his son.

"I just told that Simpson girl that she had stubby fingers-" Said Rory Toot.

"That bungus?! Lisa! Wait up! Let me explain!" Mr Toot ran after Lisa.

...

Marge was making dinner to show Lisa what she did during the day.

"And I made their dinner into little smiley faces for them!" Marge explained some of the fun things she did at home.

"Mom, I don't think they'll notice..." Lisa explained. Homer and Bart sat down and scoffed up their food without any thanks. Marge sighed as Lisa was right.

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

"Lisa some one is at the door for you!" said Marge as she found it was King Toot.

"Mr Toot?" Lisa asked.

"Lisa I wish to apologize on behalf of my son's ignorance. You are a talented saxophone player and you will go on to be a famous jazz musician if you want to!" said Mr Toot.

"Wow! Thanks Mr Toot!" said Lisa. "I actually feel a lot better now!"

...

At recess Skinner was showing Bart the confiscation cupboard.

"Wooooow!" Bart looked at all the confiscated goods. "Wow hohoho!" Bart giggled as he found some fake boobs.

"Um yes, one of the older students was found with those." Skinner abruptly explained before taking the fake novelty boobs from him. "You can have anything from here. But not the novelty breasts..."

"Aw gee..." Bart sighed. "Fine, I'll take these stink bombs and Oscar's skateboard. He's sort of mad at me for taking it, I better get it back to him..." Bart took the stink bombs and Oscar's skateboard.

...

Meanwhile Lisa was about to enter a girl's bathroom with smoke pouring out from the door.

"No Lisa! That's the bad girl's bathroom!" Janey explained pulling her away.

Lisa gasped in horror.

...

In music class Mr Largo was picking on Lisa as usual so she played her jazz music louder and prouder.

"Lisa! That's it young lady! Detention after school!" Largo yelled.

"That is just bull----!" Lisa exclaimed angrily, putting her foot down. "How dare you punish a student for expressing herself! You sir, are a monster! I am sick and tired of your harsh criticism! I have done nothing wrong to deserve this quote-unquote 'detention'! So shut up and let me play or so help me, there is going to be trouble!!!"

...

Bart was shocked to find Lisa doing lines in detention. She was writing, "I will not talk back to my authority."

"You're doing it all wrong. Use this thing. It's quicker." said Bart. He had the tool for drawing the scales lines.

"No thanks, I'm doing it properly." said Lisa.

"Suit yourself, sis..." Bart left her to do her lines. However Lisa decided she would take Bart's advice and used the five chalk holder to do five lines at once. Soon she was finished and allowed to go home.

...

At home Bart was in his room wearing his sash and making Maggie give her fingerprints.

"All done, Miss Simpson. You be careful now." Bart let her go. Maggie crawled about leaving black inky handprints on the floor. Lisa couldn't help but snigger.

"Bart, are you still using your prankster's kit?" Lisa asked.

"No. Why?" Bart asked.

"No reason..." Lisa replied. She stealthily borrowed it when he wasn't looking.

Bart wondered why she wanted it.

...

The next day in music class, Lisa pranked Mr Largo with a whoopie cushion and an exploding baton as revenge for breaking her spirit. Everyone laughed at his mishaps. Eventually he had a nervous breakdown and had to have time off. Music class was dismissed early.

Lisa then played to all the students at lunch. They cheered.

"Skinner! I thought Dewey had broken her spirit!" Chalmers said to Skinner.

"Um it seems a little prankster caused him to have a nervous breakdown and have to be sent home sir." Skinner replied.

"I thought Bart changed his ways." Chalmers asked.

...

Bart found Lisa one day trying to ride his skateboard.

"Lis, what are you doing?" Bart asked.

"Well since your taking over my role as the goody two shoes I figured I will let out my rage as a trouble maker." Lisa explained.

"Lis... Come on... You don't want to ruin your permanent record!" Bart sighed.

"You're right! This isn't me! Perfect little Lisa! What am I doing?!" Lisa cried.

Bart comforted her and made her give him back his prankster's kit.

From then on she promised no more pranks and to focus on her good grades.

Meanwhile after Bart went off with Eddie and Lou and Marge took Lisa to King Toots. Homer was left in charge of Maggie and Hugo. Suddenly Professor Frink pulled up on his flying motorcycle.

"Ah hoy glavin! I'm sorry I'm late but those gosh darn monkeys escaped again! With the flinging of poop and the biting!" Frink ranted in nonsensical gibberish. "Well it seems young Hugo wants to become a scientist huh? Well hop on the back of my motorcycle!"

Hugo pondered. "Hmmm go with a complete stranger on his flying motorcycle? Sure why not!" He got on and put on the spare helmet. Frink flew to his laboratory house.

He showed Hugo his basement. Hugo looked around in awe.

Professor Frink then took a long hard look at Hugo. "I'm not sure about scientist or even mad scientist. Glavin! I'd say your more of an Igor."

"Nun uh! I'm totally a scientist! I even sewed a pigeon and a rat together to make a pigeon-rat!" Hugo showed his pet pigeon-rat hybrid.

"It's not just the brains and surgery and oh god! The mutation ray! dramatics. It's about the look of the nerdy scientist." Frink explained. "And you are not a nerd. If anything you're giving off the deformed science lab mutant vibe and I could use a pet mutant or Igor round the lab."

"Forget it! I wanna go home..." Hugo asked to be taken home. He was quite upset Frink spent the time crushing his dreams of being a scientist and referring to him as a deformed lab assistant/mutant.

...

At School Hall monitor Bart took to riding a kids tricycle down the hall as well as wearing sunglasses. He also took to yelling “You will respect my authoritah!” Like Cartman at other kids.

“Hey look at the trikey baby! He things he’s in charge!” said Jimbo.

“You will respect my authoritorah, bitch!” Bart yelled.

“Simpson! Stop yelling that!” Skinner told him off for yelling that.

...

Meanwhile Lisa accidentally went in the bad girl toilet. There was the sound of fighting then she stumbled out bruised and in a daze. After a moment, she spotted a fire alarm and the puma statue.

"Go on Lisa." Donna smirked. "Pull the fire alarm! We disabled the surveillance video system and you have the gloves on!"