SaturdayS of Thunder Bart makes a soapbox car. Falls out with his Dad and Oscar has a novelty drinking hat Homer wants,
The chalkboard gag is “I will not fake rabies.” Bart collapses on the floor foaming at the mouth.
The couch gag is the sofa bed option of the couch malfunctioning and the Simpsons ending up folded up painfully by the couch.
The episode starts identical to Marge in chains which hasn’t happened yet! Homer is watching I can’t believe they invented that! I wonder how much of it is identical..
“From the show that gave you... the beer can drink while you go hat!” A novalty hat with two cans of desired beverage attached to it and straws to drink from. “The jet walker!” A high tech land jet rocket powered thingy that acts like a jet ski but on land! “The Mr Sugar cube!” A machine that turns sugar in powder form to sugar cubes.
“I don’t know how I lived with out you...” said Homer to his sugar cube making machine as he took some sugar cubes and added them to his drink. Which was not a nice hot tea or coffee, but soda... yeeeuck! Are you trying to give yourself diabetes?!
“Hi! I’m Troy McClure and you may remember me from such films as...” he lists stuff he’s been in like Hercules and the muppets in Camelot. “And here’s the dr behind all of our wonderful inventions, Dr Nick Riviera!”
“Hi everybody!” said Dr Nick.
“Hi Dr Nick!” said the studio audience.
Dr Nick’s latest invention wasn’t the juice loosened yet. That’s in season four. It was a very powerful cleaning formula that cleans everything.
“Let me demonstrate on Edgar Allen Poe’s tombstone!” said Dr Nick.
“A wonderful author of our wonderful country!” said Troy McClure.
“Yes Troy, but centuries of neglect have turned this monument to Edgar Allen Poe into an eyesore!” said Dr Nick.
“Oh no!” Lisa sighed disappointed.
Bart came in with planks of wood. “Dad where’s the power drill?”
“In the garage.” said Homer shoving him aside as he is engrossed in the TV.
“But with a quick application of my super cleaning formula... and hey presto! Good as new! You’d think the body’s still warm!” said Dr Nick as the word Poe appeared in gleaming clean stone.
“Ooooooohhhh!” Marge wanted some.
“It’s three bottles, enough to clean a thousand tombstones!” said Dr Nick.
“Like my teeth.” said Oscar with rotten teeth.
“Quiet boy!” Homer told him to be quiet.
“For the low low price of $30.99!” said Dr Nick.
The audience booed and jeered and threw stuff at him.
“Hmmmmm! That’s far too expensive!” Marge grumbled.
“Dr Nick your losing them!” Troy warned.
“I can’t go any lower!” Dr Nick whined.
“Well you’ll have to.” said Troy.
“Okay how about four bottles, a sponge and a state of Kansas jello mould?” Dr Nick asked. The audience cheered,
“Dad where’s the welding mask?” Bart asked.
“Just look away from the flame.” said Homer engrossed by the TV.
“Homer! Go up and look with him for it!” Marge yelled.
“No way! I’m watching TV!” said Homer.
“Hmmmmmm! Bart don’t you touch that welding torch until you have a mask on! Understand?”
“Yes mom. I know the glare and sparks could blind me...” said Bart.
Homer continued watching bizarre inventions such as laxative suntan lotion. He orders something from the programme but finds his credit card is expired. So he lies about it’s expired date. That it expires in the year 2000. If this was repeating Marge in chains he’d get his package along with a green flu cloud of germs.
A day later Homer is waiting for something in the lounge.
“Dad this package came for you.” said Bart.
Homer eagerly opened it. A green germ cloud flew out. He screamed a funny scream.
But that doesn’t happen. Instead Oscar comes in wearing one of those silly hats with soda cans attached to them to drink from hands free.
Homer grabs him by his shorts as he walks past. “Oz!”
“What is that hat your wearing?” Homer asked.
“It’s just a baseball cap with two cans of cola attached with silly straws. I figured you’d heard of one of these...” said Oscar.
“I want one!” Homer demanded.
“They’re easy to make. You just need a baseball cap, some art materials, some silly straws and of course your favourite canned drink.” said Oscar.
“No, I want that one your wearing.” said Homer.
“No because this is my soda can hat. Get your own.” said Oscar.
“Gimme!” Homer yelled.
“No!” Oscar ran off wearing a novelty soda cans attached to hat hat.
Marge found Homer chasing Oscar who was wearing a cap with two soda cans attached to it.
“Homer leave him alone!” Marge told Homer off.
“But he has one of those men’s lazy drinking hats and I can’t be bothered to make or buy my own...” Homer whined.
“Ugh! Such bad habits drive you boys... beer and sugary drinks?! Ugh!” Marge sighed.
Oscar rolled his eyes as he slurped on the straws of his funny novelty hat to siphon cola from his cans attached to his hat.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me Oscar. Drinking so much soda and cola is probably why your teeth are rotten.” said Marge.
There were loud drilling sounds.
“What is that?! Who is using my power tools?!” Homer asked at the sound of power tools.
“Didn’t Bart tell you?” Oscar asked slurping on his straws to drink cola from the cans on his hat.
“No. Otherwise I wouldn’t be asking...” said Homer.
“It’s the annual soapbox derby race. All of fourth grade is taking part. And a few third graders. And the Flanders boys who attend that Christian school Matt won’t mention till season twenty three because he forgot he made them Springfield elementary students and only later realised it went against his bible bashing. See my screwed up canon makes more sense than his.” Oscar droned on and on.
“A soapbox derby?! That’s a father and son thing! I should be in there helping him!” said Homer.
“Well he figured you were too busy enjoying the TV. Besides he doesn’t want your help.” said Oscar.
“Why?!” Homer asked.
“Because DIY and constructing things isn’t your strong point...” said Oscar.
A spice rack fell apart spilling the bottles of herbs and spices everywhere.
“D’oh!” Homer groaned.
Homer went to the living room in a sulky mood because Bart didn’t tell him about a father and son activity because he didn’t want his help.
Then the door bell rang.
“Homer answer the door. That’s my sisters.” said Marge.
“Eeeeeeeeeeuuuughhhh!” Homer shivered in disgust.
“Homer! Be nice!” Marge sighed.
“I will!” Homer sighed and muttered as he answered the door to Patty and Selma.
“Why if it isn’t Patty and Selma! Hello ladies!” Homer tried to act pleased to see them.
“Whatever....” said Selma.
“His wearing pants at least. I guess I owe you lunch Selma.” said Patty. They went inside.
Patty was looking for hairdressers in a book. “Nope. No. Nun uh...”
“What’s wrong? Still trying to find a new hairdresser?” Marge asked.
“Was, but now I’ve found them.” said Patty showing her the book.
“Ooooooh! The preening red haired guy?” Marge asked.
“No, the girl next to him. Mary Tyler Moore...” said Patty showing her lesbian side.
There were still noises from the garage of power tools.
“What day over is this if I can’t see my darling nephew?! And who is that making all that racket in the garage if Homer is sleeping on the couch?” Selma asked drinking coffee.
“Oh Bart’s getting ready for his soapbox derby. He doesn’t want to be disturbed.” said Marge.
“We’re not here all day! I want to see my nephew!” said Selma.
Homer is ordering things from I can’t believe they invented that again. But the phone tells him his fingers are too fat to die and to mash the keypad for a special dialling wand.
“Homer, I’m taking Patty and Selma to the hair salon. Look after the kids while I’m gone.” said Marge.
“Oh! And I suppose while I’m at it I’ll spend daddy and daughter time with Lisa?” Homer said sarcastically.
“That’ll be nice dear.” said Marge as she left.
“D’oh!” Homer sees Lisa looking at him. “D’oh! How long have you been listening?!”
“I heard all of it,” said Lisa.
“D’oh!” Homer groaned. “Okay what is the quickest and least boring activity we can do together?” Homer asked.
“Rent a movie?” Lisa asked.
“Exactly.” said Homer.
Homer took just Lisa and Maggie our with him. Only stopping to yell “Bart! You can’t weld with such a small flame!” Then he drove off with his daughters and left him. Yes he left him. Father of the year and it’s only season three...
“Shut up! Smart ass narrator...” Homer yelled as he drove to the video rental store.
At the video rental store.
“Oh! McBain!” Homer sees a clip of McBain. It is the scene where his Partner Skoey is murdered in a diner by a guy keeping a laser sight handgun in a cooked chicken’s cavity.
Skoey in his dying breath lying in a pool of blood tells McBain to get Mendoza.
“MENDOZAAAAAAAAAHHH!” McBain screams.
“Dad! I can’t watch that! It’s R rated!” said Lisa. Can’t I just get Happy Little Elves and Tinkily Winkily Town?”
“Well I don’t want to sit through a sappy kids film. And besides that green bear cub with the big shiny nose causes Oscar to wet himself.” said Homer.
“Well he won’t be watching it if he can’t hold his bladder...” said Lisa.
In the hair salon.
Marge and her sisters are under those um alien helmets that perms your hair.
Dennis the Menace, the blond American one thought they were wearing mind transfer helmets as part of a mad scientist’s experiment. But then again he thinks ladies wearing mud masks are monsters and er likes to cement their feet in trays of mud.
Selma found a father IQ test and gave it to Marge to give to Homer to see how well he knows his children.
“I bet he fails.” said Patty.
“I wouldn’t be so sure...” said Marge.
Selma then read an article about Henry Winkler. Ay! It’s fonzie!
Quiffy in his greaser phase went ayyyyyyy! Like Fonzie.
“He has a greaser phase?!” Bart asked in a panel as he was at home still working on his soapbox derby car.
“I did until a classmate’s science experiment gone wrong, a living blob of orange goo, ripped my clothes off exposing my underwear to everyone...” said Quiffy.
”Quiffy you were not the greaser kid in Twinkle the Dream being!” Oscar ranted.
Homer is at home watching amusing sports injuries. A guy gets his neck snapped in a blatant attack by an opposing player.
“Homer!” Marge yelled. “Did you leave Bart home alone?!”
“It was only for a while to buy a video from the rental store... I didn’t want to disturb him from his project he doesn’t want my help on and besides all of the kids together at a video rental store drive me nuts!” Homer explained. “Lisa wants one of her sappy kids films. Bart hates it and says it sucks. Then they bicker. Then Bart tries to rent an R rated film...”
Marge grumbled. “Homer you left him using a welding torch! Anything could have happened!”
Patty and Selma came with new hair dos. The actually look beautiful.
Homer laughs at them.
“Ignore the that oaf Patty.” said Selma.
“Shut up you buffoon! Baby you’re beautiful!” Oscar thought the hag like aunts looked beautiful.
“Oh that is so sweet! Thank you Oz.” said Selma.
“Homer I want you to take this father hood test. To see how well you know Bart.” said Marge.
“Fine...” Homer sighed.
“Question one. Name one of Bart’s friends.”
“Um... that fat kid, the one who always has his hands in his pockets.”
“Homer I want a name not a description...” said Marge.
“Errr... Hank...” said Homer.
“Hank?!” Marge asked.
“Hank Jones.” said Homer.
“Homer you just made that up.”
“How about Joey Jojo Shabadoo?” Oscar asked.
“Oscar don’t be silly. And besides that’s the most ridiculous name ever....” said Marge.
Joey Jojo Shabadoo cried and ran away.
“Joey Jojo!” Oscar yelled.
“Question name one of Bart’s heroes...” said Marge.
“Steve McQueen.” said Homer.
“Homer that’s yours!” said Marge. “Name one of Bart’s hobbies.”
“Chewing on extension cords.” said Homer.
“He hasn’t done that since he was three!” said Marge annoyed.
“Then he has no hobbies!” said Homer.
“Homer why don’t you go and see what your son is doing in the garage?!” Marge yelled.
“Fine...l Homer sighed.
Homer went to the garage.
Bart is hammering a nail into a soap box car.
“Bart! Bart!” Homer yelled.
“Yeah?” Bart asked him.
“You don’t have any hobbies do you?”
“Not really.” said Bart.
“There. Told ya so Marge.” said Homer.
“Bart tell your father what you’re building there.” said Marge.
“A soapbox derby car.” said Bart.
Homer made that whine he made when Bart stuffed his karaoke machine in his window to prop up a broken window. “That’s a hobby!” He broke down in tears.
“I’m a bad father!” He cried.
“And you’re also fat,” said Selma.
“And I’m also fat!” Homer cried.
“And you smell and eat dog feces.” said Oscar.
“And I smell and eat- Hey!” Homer yelled.
Homer rang up the institute that made the exam. Holding music to wait for an answer was the song Yes we have no bananas tonight.
“Sunrise, sunset. Sun rise, sun set. The cat’s in the cradle and yes, we have no bananas to night.”
Homer cried at the music. Then someone answered.
Homer explained he got a zero on the father son test.
“Oh dear god!” said the scientist of the institute. “You’re a monster!”
In the garage Bart is showing his soap box car to his friends when scientists in white lab coats drag Homer away screaming.
“Seems like the guys in white coats finally got your Dad.” said Milhouse.
“He deserves it...” said Bart cruelly.
Hugo ran outside.
“I’m free! Free at last!” Hugo cheered.
Bart was astonished and confused.
At the institute the scientist guy gave Homer a feee book on father hood by Bill Cosby.
Homer laughed hysterically. “Bill Cosby!” He continued laughing. “Stop it you’re killing me! Ahahahaha!”
The scientist was conducting an experiment with a man and his son in a shark tank. Homer was reading the Bill Cosby father guide.
“This is just gibberish and pop culture references! And one point he goes on about sweaters and pudding pops!” Homer whined.
A siren goes off. In the shark tank a shark is eating a little boy as his father looks on horrified.
“Oh dear god! Not again!” The scientist screamed.
Oscar laughed cruelly.
At Home Homer took to wearing sweaters and speaking gibberish. No sex scandals until 2019 though...
“Zip zip boopity bop! Coo coo cachoo! Buckaroo! Frazzle snazzle.” said Homer.
“Homer that book is nothing but Bill Cosby’s nonsensical ramblings...” Marge sighed. “Here’s father son guide by Dr Marvin Monroe...”
“But this sweater is so comfy! And I like talking gibberish!” Homer sighed.
“Homer, wearing sweaters and talking gibberish is my thing...” said Oscar. “Kallae kistnae... Shabadoo yeaaaaah!”
Homer went to the garage. “But not any sex scandals about raping drunk women that won’t come out until 2019 though.” Oscar called to him.
“How dare you sully the name of TV’s father!” Homer yelled.
Homer was seeing Bart work on his soapbox car.
“Bart can I help you.
“No. Dad’s are not supposed to help in this project. Tournament rules.” said Bart.
“Homer, use reverse psychology. Like a backwards film flam snapper cracker! Zip zip booyaaaay!” said Bill Cosby in a thought cloud.
“Okay Bart, I will not help you.” said Homer.
“Okay you can help by cleaning the paintbrushes.” said Bart. it descended in Homer actually being allowed to help Bart.
Then Bart was being coached by the referee. There was Bart in his car. Martin was dressed as Evil Knievel, Nelson had painted flames on his and put blades on the wheel hubs to sabotage other racers. Another boy had a Wacky Racers style soapbox car. Rod and Todd were driving a crucifix powered only by their faith in God.
“Sonny I’m worried about you. Put on a helmet.” The referee said to Bart.
“Look if my son doesn’t want to wear a helmet don’t make him!” Homer yelled.
“Fine... now listen carefully. If your brakes aren’t working steer away from the stands. Otherwise you could kill hundreds of spectators. Bart are you even listening?!” Bart was picking his nose.
“Yes sir.” said Bart.
“What did I say then?” The referee asked.
“Kill the spectators.” sId Bart in a trance.
“Coooool!” said Oscar wearing his drinking hat.
“No I did not say that!” The referee told him off.
Nelson was showing off his car. And smoking...
“No smoking in the pits!” The referee yelled.
“Fine...” said Nelson putting the cigarette out on his tongue. Ouch!
“Cool ride Nelson!” said Bart.
“I stole it from some dweeb.” said Nelson.
“Someone help me! I can’t breath!” said a child from inside the soapbox car.
“What was that?” Bart asked suspicious.
“You heard nothing!” Nelson yelled.
“Bart if either of us should win, it doesn’t matter as long as we defeat him!” said Martin.
“Yep.” said Bart.
The race started.
“Um this hill is a lot steeper than I thought! Can I have a few minutes to Aaaaaaaaagh!” Martin asked but the race started.
Martin’s space shuttle easily won the race. But wouldn’t stop.
“Brake! Brake!” Martin couldn’t get the brakes to work.
Meanwhile Bart’s shoddy car broke.
“Haw haw!” Nelson laughed as he came in second.
Then Martin crashed in a horrifying fireball.
“My boy!” Mr Prince cried.
“Cooooooool! Martin died!” Oscar cooed.
“No he didn’t! He’s running about on fire...” said Bart.
Martin was screaming while on fire.
Martin was taken to hospital on a bed with his arm bandaged up. He was whining in pain.
“Ow! It hurts! Ow ow ow!” Martin cried. Yeah it’s really cartoony like when Stewie was stomping grapes and fell over.
Dr a Hibbert explains he fractured his arm. He could no longer race.
Bart goes to see Martin and they cut a deal. Bart will race in Martin’s car to defeat Nelson.
“Well I can’t really not use my car that my Dad helped me build... it would break his heart! On the other hand I can’t beat Nelson with that crappy thing! Okay I will!” said Bart.
Homer was not happy and fell out with Bart.
Lisa needed to see Hibbert to get a tetanus shot
“I don’t want to sound anal...” Lisa twiddled her fingers trying to find something to say.
“Mmmmmmmm! Anal...” said Oscar being a pervert.
“But it’s summer soon and that means bare foot season! And you can’t be too careful with all those rusty nails around!” said Lisa.
“Okay I’ll take you. But you’ll soon find a man with a faster ride and won’t need me anymore...” said Homer.
“Um okay...” said Lisa.
Coincidentally Homer bumped into Martin.
“You! Home wrecker!” Homer yelled at him.
Martin tried to explain the situation but Homer growled and chased him. Martin screamed and ran off.
At Home Homer cursed Martin’s name.
“Martin. Martin!! I curse that foul name for as long as I live! Damn you, you accursed demon! Damn you Martin!” Homer ranted in the kitchen.
“Oh stop being so dramatic Homer...” said Marge.
Then this is where the boring soap box derby story concludes So Bart strikes up an unlikely friendship with Martin to win against Nelson in the race. Homer is supposed to redeem himself and make up with Bart. But we still have Oscar’s hat story. Amusingly in canon Homer actually gets a drinking hat thing!
That night Homer is at Oscar’s bedroom window of the illegally built bedroom he insisted to the authorities was a window flower box. A very big flower box. Inside Oscar was fast asleep in bed wearing the soda cans hat on his head.
Homer opens his bedroom window and lowers on a fishing line a piece of paper with a shopping list wrote on it. Of milk, bread and eggs.
“Wooooooooooo!” said Homer making ghostly wails.
Oscar woke up.
“Oh my god! A floating shopping list!” Oscar yelled.
Homer face palmed.
“Noooo... I’m not a shopping list! I’m a ghost!” said Homer turning the sheet of paper over to show a drawing of a ghost on the other side.
“@ ghost?!” Oscar asked.
“Now listen here Oscar.” said the ghost.
“How do you know my name?” Oscar asked.
“Because I am the ghost of soda drinking hats!” said the ghost. “And I am here to tell you that soda drinking hat you possess is cursed!”
“Cursed?” Oscar asked.
“Yeah it belongs to some guy, who is dead now. And he wants it back.” said the ghost.
“What’s his name...” Oscar asked.
“Oh. Um. Smitty.” said the ghost.
“Smitty who?” Oscar continued to question the ghost on a piece of paper.
“Smitty (Really long and fake Swedish surname.)” said the ghost.
“Wow. He must have been number one.” said Oscar.
“Yeah. Number one in Bogeyland!” said Homer as the ghost’s voice.
“Eeeeeeeew! Bogeys!” Oscar groaned in disgust.
“It’s a small golf town! Bogey is a golfing term! Not just a British term for boogers! Now g8ve me that hat!” The ghost yelled. However Oscar felt the fishing line it was on.
“Nice try Homer...” Oscar sighed putting the ghost shopping list out the window and shutting it.
“Ooooh....” Homer groaned.
The next morning Bart and Oscar were having breakfast.
“Morning Oz. Sleep well?” Bart asked him.
“Yeah, until you’re dad tried to steal my hat again with a floating shopping list ghost.” said Oscar.
“Meh... well I’m off to the Noiseland arcade for a few hours. Then I’ll comeback to work on my soapbox derby car.” said Bart.
Bart spent an hour or so at the arcade playing Evil grandma or something.
At home it was time for his big race. He was wearing an Evil Knievel outfit being taken to the race. Homer was being miserable and annoyed at him and wouldn’t go to watch him race.
“Homer! I have stood by you and defended you when others have put you down! Even my own sisters!” Marge ranted. “But now I see that they were right! You are a bad father!”
Homer lounged on the sofa sulking.
After everyone left he once again cursed Martin’s name.
“Martin! Martin!! I curse that name!”
Then he had an epiphany and and finally managed to answer the quiz on fatherhood. “What is your son’s hobby? Building a soap box derby racer. Name one of your son’s friends. Martin! Martin!! Damn you Martin!! Okay get it out of your system...” Homer calmed down. “Name your son’s childhood hero. Easy, Krusty the clown. How could I not know that!? I’m one more question away from being a perfect father!” The last question. “Name a Dad of another child you talk with...”
Homer couldn’t find one.
“Hi diddly ho!” said Ned.
“Shut up stupid Flanders!” Homer yelled.
“Okilly dokilly!” said Ned.
“Wait! Flanders!” Homer yelled.
“Ned! Ned!” Homer ran outside.
“Yes Homer?” Ned asked.
“When should a boy start dating?” Homer asked him.
“Well there’s two schools of thought...” said Ned.
“Woohoo! I spoke with another kid’s father! I’m the perfect father! I’m coming boy!” Homer yelled. But he found Oscar’s drinking hat thing.
“Hang on!” He giggles and went inside to watch some sports while drinking beer from cans taped to Oscar’s drinking hat thingy.
Then everyone finds their happy ending. Bart defeats Nelson in the race, and he deserves it because he was being evil Nelson again. Well he had his weasels with him for some reason... And Homer and Bart apologise and make up and everyone lives happily ever after and I don’t throw up from the sappy ending.
“And Speed Racer got a new car to replace his old one, the classic Speed racer car after it was destroyed in the first episode during a race with some evil cyborg dude.” said Oscar
“No Oz...” said Bart groaning.