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Rosebud Mr Burns loses his teddy bear (Awwww!) and Orson Welles drives everyone nuts with a rather silly version of Citzen Kane...

Plot[]

It was night at Burns’s manor.

Winkie guards from The Wizard of Oz were marching outside.

”All we own! We owe Burns! All we own! We owe Burns!”

Smithers was at a hatch in the door.

”Shhhhh! Mr Burns is trying to sleep!”

The Winkie guards chant a lot more quietly.

Mr Burns is tossing and turning in his sleep muttering Bobo. Mr Smithers goes to check on him.

"I don't want to alarm you sir, but last night you were talking in your sleep. You kept saying Bobo..." said Smithers.

"Oh Bobo..." Mr Burns sighed. He explained Bobo was his childhood teddy bear. He lost it some point after leaving his parents to be adopted by a mysterious rich man. Amusingly his biological parents have pointed noses like him and his brother is apparently the stand up comedian George Burns.

"Two weeks later he mysteriously died from eating a poisoned baked potato and I never saw Bobo ever again..." Mr Burns sighed.

Smithers comforted his boss.

”On another topic Smithers. They should have never took Sheriff Lobo off TV.” said Mr Burns.

”Sir I didn’t know you liked low brow entertainment.” Smithers asked.

”Um I was using it as an excuse to avoid talking about my childhood teddy bear.” said Mr Burns.

”Um. Well Sir it’s your birthday soon.” said Smithers.

”Oh... I’ll never get what I want...” Mr Burns sighed.

”We never do sir...” Smithers sighed. He day dreamed of Mr Burns bursting out of a giant birthday cake naked!

”Happy birthday Mr Smithers!” said imaginary naked Mr Burns in Smithers’s thoughts.

Smithers moaned aroused.

At the Simpsons house.

“Mmm. Lobo. Lobo. Bring back Sheriff Lobo! Lobo! Lobo!” Homer was protesting about Sheriff Lobo... He got a mandatory invitation to Mr Burns’s birthday party in the mail. [Screams] Homer screamed.

”What, Homie?“ Marge asked.

“Oh, no! Burns's birthday!” Homer whined.

“What's wrong?” Marge asked.

“Every time Mr. Burns has a birthday... all his employees have to help out at the party... and I always get some terrible job.” said Homer.

Last year he was the piñata. Hilarity ensued.

”Ow! Ow! Ow! Missed me! Hehehe! Ow! Ow! (Cries as Mr Burns hits him.)

Bart laughed.

”Not funny! My butt still hurts!” Homer groaned.

At work Mr Burns watched him in some sort of amusing situation.

“Smithers, I want this Simpson fellow to perform comedy at my party. I must harness his fractured take on modern life.” said Mr Burns.

“Fine, sir. I'll get him started on some snappy Sinbad-esque material.” said Smithers sighing.

”Sinbad the sailor?!” Oscar asked with delight.

“No Sinbad the comedian. David Adkins...” Smithers sighed.

”Sinbad the sailor would be better...” Oscar whined.

...

At home.

”Well my job at Mr Burns’s birthday party isn’t actually too bad this year! I’m the comedy act! I get to roast Mr Burns! Mmmmmm! Roasted Mr-“

”No Dad, a comedy roast means to lightly tease the guest.” Lisa explained.

”Yeah but your dad’s implied cannibalism was hilarious...” Oscar chuckled.

”Tease eh! I got it! I’ll call Mr Burns an incontinent, buck toothed old mummy!” said Homer.

Bart laughed. “Incontinent...”

”Do you two even know what incontinent means...?” Lisa sighed.

”Don’t spoil our fun, Lisa.” Homer sighed.

”Well you two should know! And it shouldn’t be funny to you!” Marge yelled. “Homer your dad’s incontinent! Oscar’s incontinent!”

”Now wait a- Oh... That means they can’t get to the bathroom on time before having an accident...” Homer realised. He didn’t care the joke was at his father’s expense but he did care that it might offend Oscar.

”Homer what are you doing know?” Marge asked.

“I'm writing a delicious send-up of Mr. Burns for his birthday party. Is poo-poo one word or two?” said Homer.

”Nyahahahaha! Poo-poo!” Oscar laughed.

Marge sighed.

”Oz what did I say about using potty mouth...” Teddy, his living teddy bear creature warned him.

...

It's soon Mr Burns' birthday, where everyone is forced to come by his goons kidnapping them. However he doesn't like his gifts of treasure, a live unicorn or even the Ramones singing Gabba Gabba Hey. Then they sung happy birthday to Mr Burns aggressively.

“Smithers have the Rolling Stones killed.” said Mr Burns

“But sir! That was not the-“ Smithers tried to explain.

“Do it now Smithers!” Mr Burns yelled.

Mr Smithers has some sudden sad news for the guests. A dog was ran over and killed. They are very sad and upset. Unfortunately this comes just before Homer's comedy routine.

"Are you ready to laugh?" Homer asked

"You awful man!" A lady scolds him.

"I said are you ready to laugh?" said Homer.

"Get off the stage!" a man yells.

"This performance you may find rather cheeky!" said Homer. He then pulled down his pants to reveal he had drawn a cartoon sad face on his butt. "I'm Mr Burns! Blah blah blah! Don't do this! Blah blah blah!"

Mr Burns is furious at his mocking routine and orders his goons to have him beaten to a pulp. They do so and beat up Homer.

After his party Mr Burns isn't pleased at all with his extravagant gifts. Smithers explains to his lawyers that he misses his teddy bear Bobo.

...

We find out what happened to Bobo, somehow Charles Lindberg got it, then Adolf Hitler somehow got ahold of the bear, but threw it away in 1944 because he believed it cost him the war and was cursed. Then Bobo ended up on the Nautilus from 20,000 leagues under the sea and then somehow got frozen in an iceberg.

In the present the teddy bear was cut out in an ice block by ice cube delivery Inuits hired by Kwik e mart enterprises. They deliver the ice cubes and teddy bear to Apu's store.

Bart is at the store running an errand because Homer asked him to buy a bag of ice cubes.

"Hey, this one has a head in it!" Bart complains of the one with a teddy bear in it staring at him.

"Yes, full of good headiness!" said Apu as he served him.

Bart pays for the ice and goes home.

He puts the ice in the freezer but finds a mouldy old teddy bear with one of its eyes falling out.

"Eeeeew! This teddy bear looks diseased! Oh well, Maggie I've got a surprise for you..." Bart gives the teddy bear (Bobo) to Maggie. She cuddles it.

...

Smithers tries various ideas of replacing Bobo. Such as dressing up as a teddy bear and sitting on Mr Burns's lap. However Mr Burns is not interested in his antics.

"I was gonna save this for my boyfriend... but I don't think so now..." muttered Smithers to himself as he walked off to get changed.

Then Frink created a robot teddy bear. However it looked like a scary robot polar bear and nearly mauled Mr Burns.

Smithers tried subduing it by Whacking it over the head with a chair!

"No. I want to live. Raaaaaaagh!" said the robot bear as it stomped off and smashed through a wall.

“Smithers. The repairs to that wall are coming out of your pay check!” said Mr Burns.

Smithers whined.

...


Elsewhere the Simpsons were watching a bizarre remake of Citizen Kane made by Orson Welles after he went insane.

"Rosebud..." said a close up of Orson's mouth. "Yes, Rosebud frozen peas, full of country goodness and green peaness... wait that's terrible! I quit!" Orson gets up to storm off. "Just a handful for the road." He collects some frozen peas to eat. "Mmmmm! Oh yeah! Oh what luck! There's a French fry stuck in my beard! Mmmmm! Oh yeah...."

Bart turns over the movie rolling his eyes at Orson's insanity. However there's nothing interesting on right now so he's flicking through the channels.

Orson is then talking to Pinky when Bart flicks back.

"Gee, Orson, what are we gonna do tonight? Narf!" said Pinky.

"Same thing we do every night Pinky, eat Mrs Pell's fish sticks and Rosebud frozen peas! Oh yes! They're even better when you're a mouse!"

Then the theme tune played.

They're Pinky, the Pinky and the Orson, Orson, Orson, Orson... Orson, Orson, Orson...

Sung to the tune of Pinky and the Brain.

Bart sighed and switched off the TV.

Marge called him to get ready as they were going out for dinner. Rainer Wolfcastle had opened a new restaurant based around movies.

When they got there Rainer politely greeted them.

"Look! That car looks like it crashed into the restaurant and is dangling!" said Homer looking at a saloon car half in the wall before they went inside.

Suddenly Hans Moleman was in the driver's seat of the prop car stuck in the wall. "Heeeeelp! Oh won't somebody help me down from here...?" Moleman groaned.

In the restaurant the Simpsons looked at all the props.

"Look the cane from Citizen Kane!" said Lisa. "Wait, there was no cane in Citizen Kane!"

"Look Dad! The script for Cable Guy!" said Bart.

Homer grabbed it. "Ruin Jim Carrey's career will you?! Raaaaagh!" He tore it up and the Simpsons got kicked out by security guards.

"Thanks Homer... that's another fancy restaurant you've got us kicked out of!" Marge nagged.

...

At home Homer is watching TV and drinking beer when Mr Burns runs a commercial begging for his teddy bear Bobo. However despite him providing a picture and Maggie shoving Bobo in Homer's face he doesn't realise.

"No Maggie, daddy doesn't want your smelly old teddy bear.

Homer then puts something on Maggie will like to keep her occupied. He puts on Barney the dinosaur! Nooooo!

“Two plus two is four! Two plus two is four! Two plus two is four!” Barney the dinosaur says repeatedly.

“Hehehe! That is catchy!” Homer chuckles. “Two plus two is four! Two plus two is four!”

Then Lisa puts on some meditation music. This was way before she became Buddhist but she still liked to meditate. Probably because of her family driving her nuts.

A series of incidents results in Bobo falling into the fish tank and Bart knocking over a lamp trying to play football indoors with Stitchface the football. The fish tank is lit up eerily and drawing attention to the teddy bear upside down in it.

"Oooooooh!" Homer gasped. Realising finally this was Mr Burns's teddy bear, Bobo.

Mr Burns is called round because Homer is willing to hand over Bobo for the million dollar reward and three islands.

“Fine... How much do you want?” Mr Burns sighed.

”A million dollars and three Hawaiian islands. Good ones. Not leprosy ones.” said Homer.

Oscar screamed in horror at the thought of Hawaii being plagued with leprosy.

Homer sighed exasperated.

”Fine...” Mr Burns sighed.

"Ungh! Hold on, it's stuck on something!" said Homer yanking the teddy bear. Maggie is desperately clutching it. "Maggie let go!"

He gets it off of Maggie but she whimpers and cries.

"Dad! You made Maggie cry!" Lisa scolded him.

"Oh gee. Sorry Mr Burns, the bear stays with Maggie." Homer gave Maggie back the teddy bear.

"I see..." said Mr Burns in cold fury. "You'll regret this Simpson! You and your entire family!" Mr Burns stormed off followed by Smithers.

"Ah geez Maggie..." Homer groaned.

"Homer, she's just a baby! And besides she loves that teddy bear!" Marge scolds Homer for not caring about Maggie's feelings.

"What kind of sad old man wants a mouldy old teddy bear anyway?" Bart asked.

"To be fair, I'd be kinda upset if someone took my teddy bear." said Oscar hugging Teddy, his living teddy bear that had a big wet shiny black nose.

Plot 2[]

Mr Burns decided to shut off TV and the town's Duff beer supply.

“There. That should teach Simpson a lesson! He’ll be handling over my dear Bobo soon.” said Mr Burns. He tapped his desk. “I feel like making myself some coffee...”

Suddenly the Rolling Stones lips on a pair of Pink Floyd Hammers bursted through his office wall.

“What in the blazes!?” He gasped.

“Pucker up Monty!” said the Rolling Stones lips as it licked him.

Mr Burns screamed.

However this was just an opium induced nightmare.

”I really have to stop taking opium...” said Mr Burns.

...

Meanwhile in a spooky haunted mansion called Xanadu. Orson Welles playing the role of some guy called Kane, is reminiscening about Rosebud. His childhood sled.

There was no cane in Citizen Kane though.

Howevere there was plenty of Orson Welles!

"Rosebud...." said Kane. "Yes! Rosebud frozen peas! Full of country goodness and green peaness. No wait! That's terrible! I quit." He stormed off. "Just a handful for the road..." He took some frozen peas and ate them. "Mmmmmm! Oh yeah... Oh what luck! There's a French fry stuck in my beard! Oh yeah..."

Pinky shrugged and did a "He's crazy!" gesture to the fourth wall.

...

The Simpsons and Oscar were going out somewhere.

"Come on, everybody, it's time to go." said Marge. Everyone was dressed up nicely.

"Ok, stupid." Homer said chuckling.

"Homer you have got to stop insulting everyone! Especially your boss!" said Marge cross with him.

Oscar winced at her.

"Okay you can insult Mr Burns." said Marge.

...

At Apu's Homer screamed at the news there was no more beer.

"What?! No beer?!" Homer cried.

"Not a drop, Mr Homer!" said Apu.

At home he screamed when the TV went out.

"Homer, it's not the end of the world." Marge explained.

Homer snapped and screamed murderously. "I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!"

The kids screamed.

"Homer!" Marge yelled.

“Ay carumba! He's a psychopath” said Oscar to Hugo who had escaped the attic somehow. “Let's hide in your attic. And never go to sleep.”

“We could take turns sleeping.” Hugo smirked evilly.

”Um no...” Oscar knew he was thinking about sewing himself to him.

"Oops. Lost control there. I think I might check out that museum of medieval weapons..." said Homer calmly before going out. "I'll be baaaaack!" He added menacingly.

"Mom? Is Dad really gonna kill us?" Lisa asked.

"Of course not! It's not a Halloween episode!" said Marge.

"True, but those episodes are cool!" said Oscar.

...

Some time later Barney was at the door holding a gun menacingly.

"Give Burns the bear Marge! (Belches)!" said Barney before belching.

Marge slammed the door on him. His gun could be heard going off.

"Ow!" said Barney.

However a brick went through the window, a woman screamed and sirens and lights flashed.

"Oh dear lord!" Marge sighed.

Oscar winced.

"Remind me never to go this insane over my tesdy bear..."

...

At work Homer was punished by being made to turn a wheel while a medieval hangman whipped him.

"Ow! Ow! After lunch can I whip you?"

"No." Said the Medieval hangman.

"Aw! No fair!" Homer groaned.

...

In town everyone who likes to drink is mad over Mr Burns shutting off the beer supply. And blaming the Simpsons because Maggie has his teddy bear.

Sunshine on my shoulders make me happy...” A hippy playing a guitar sang.

The rude Just Stamp The Ticket Guy punched him in the face.

Oscar laughed hysterically.

...

Meanwhile crazed Homer had an ax and was chopping through doors.

"Heeeeeeres Johnny!" The house was abandoned. "Do'h!"

"David Lettermaaaaaan!" However the second house was Flanders'

"Hi diddly ho Homer!" said Ned at Homer staring at him threw a hole he chopped through his front door.

Third was the charm. "I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer and I'm Ed Bradley! All this and Andy Rooney in sixty minutes!" Yelled a crazed Homer with a stop watch after he chopped threw his front door.

Marge and the kids screamed as he chopped through the door and bursted in.

The Simpsons screamed.

”Hmmmmm I know this is not the time while run for our lives but I wonder where Oz is?” Lisa asked while they fled insane Homer.

Up in the attic.

Hugo swiped several tins of dog food.

He opened one to eat from.

”Wait. Oscar have you been watching the cans at all time?” Hugo asked suspiciously.

”Yes. No... I dunno...” said Oscar.

”How am I supposed to eat?!” Hugo cried.

A spider scuttled about.

Oscar screamed.

”Oz... that’s just a spider...” said Hugo.

”I have some Bavarian chocolates. Want some?” Oscar had chocolate.

Downstairs Homer chases his family while carrying an axe.

”Urge to kill... rising...”

The Simpsons were horrified.

...

Mr Burns got the following presents for his birthday. Excalibur. Yes Excalibur from Arthurian legend. And a rare nude portrait of Mark twain!

But he didn’t want them. He wanted Bobo.

”Oh okay. Can I have the nude painting of Mark Twain?” Oscar asked.

”Um... okay....” Nr Burns winced.

Meanwhile Martin found a snapdragon. The flower. However I decided it was a plant dragon monster instead. It went on a rampage breathing fire.

Bart winced,

Bart ran in followed by a rabid crowd demanding Bobo.

"Give Burns the bear! Give Burns the bear! Give Burns the bear!" They chanted.

"Enough!" Marge shouted. "Look what you're doing to poor Maggie!"

Maggie whimpered as she desperately clutched Bobo. This broke the trance on everyone including Shining Homer.

"Aaaaaaaw!" They cooed.

However Mr Burns marched in.

"Give me the bear!" Mr Burns yelled.

Maggie refused.

"Then die!" Mr Burns pointed a gun at Maggie.

"Hurt Maggie and I'll kill you old man!" Oscar pointed a bigger gun at Mr Burns.

"Oscar no! Don't stoop to his level!" Lisa begged Oscar.

"Aw, come on, just one rock between his eyes..." Bart whined pointing his slingshot at Mr Burns.

"Very well! I will get that bear one way or the other! Let's go Smithers!" said Mr Burns storming off somewhere.

...

Up in the attic.

Oscar and Hugo hiding from crazy Homer forced into sobriety were reduced to wearing nothing except diapers. Like that weird bit in American Dad when Steve and Roger are hiding from Klaus.

”Uh... okay...” said Hugo wearing a diaper.

”I’m perfectly okay with this.” Oscar smirked.

Hugo rolled his eyes. “I really do not want to know...”

”(Oscar sighed with relief.)” He was peeing in his diaper.

Hugo winced.

Teddy, Oscar’s teddy bear was sniffing his diaper.

Oscar giggled pervertedly.

Hugo shook his head. Best not to ask...

...

Mr Burns tried various things such as zip lining. He got stuck and the fire brigade had to rescue him. Climbing along the Simpsons house ceilings with suction cups wearing a ninja suit. However Homer got up in the night for a midnight snack of fifty four slices of processed American cheese slices. (Burger cheese)

"Mmmmm! Fifty four slices of processed cheese..." said Homer. He sat in his underwear and spent all night eating them.

In the morning Marge found him finishing the last slice.

"Homer, did you stay up all night eating processed cheese slices?" Marge asked.

"I'm blind!" Homer screamed thinking the cheese had blinded him from all the fat and cholesterol.

Mr Burns fell off the ceiling. "Give me the bear!"

Maggie refused and resisted as he tried to take the bear.

"Give it to me!" Mr Burns yelled.

"Go to hell, you old bastard!" Oscar swore.

"Oz! Language!" said Marge cross with him.

"Mr Burns, it's just a rotten old bear with the eyes hanging out... Why do you want it..." Oscar asked.

"Eyes hanging out?!" Marge gasped. She made a nnnnn! sound as she snatched Bobo from Maggie.

Maggie bawled loudly.

"I'm sorry Maggie but I wouldn't be a very good mother if I let you play with such a dangerous toy! Here, take it Mr Burns. Although you should really throw the thing away..." said Marge as she handed over the rotten teddy to Mr Burns.

"Excellent!" said Mr Burns before he left with Bobo and Smithers.

"But what about my millions of dollars and my three Islands?! Awwwwwww!" Homer whined before groaning.

Maggie was still crying. Marge tried comforting her.

"Is she gonna cry like that all day?" Bart asked.

Yes, yes she does.

...

Up in the attic.

Hugo winced as he looked up from his book to see Oscar in a diaper stumbling backwards with some difficulty and grunting because his hands were stuck in some sort of green goo stretching from Teddy the living teddy bear’s nose.

”Nnnnnnnnngh!” Oscar grunted as he tugged at the snot.

The end.

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