Radioactive Man A Radioactive Man movie is being written in Springfield and the studio are offering every kid in town the opportunity to star as Fallout Boy, Radioactive Man's sidekick.
A film studio are being chased out of Hollywood for not paying their bills. They drive past Springfield and get the idea to shoot a Radioactive Man movie there.
They then buy a contract with Krustylu studios to sponsor the movie.
Meanwhile at Android’s dungeon comic book store Bart is looking for a comic but he’s read all of them and nothing new interests him.
“I even read the one where Radioactive Man marries himself...” Bart sighed. “None of these inferior comics can hold a candle to Radioactive Man.”
”Except Candleja-“ said Oscar but he was suddenly kidnapped by Candlejack. I can say his name because I’m the narrator. Oh wait he kidnapped and tied me up as well.
Milhouse has got into a cheap knock off called Radiation Dude.
”Well all the comics have been getting rather crummy lately. That’s why I’ve started reading Radiation Dude.” said Milhouse.
“Milhouse Radiation Dude is just a cheap knock off of Radioactive Man...” said Bart.
Explain...” said Milhouse.
“Radioactive Man’s catch phrase is Up and a at’em! With the At’em spelt A T O M like atom in a delicious pun!” Bart was fanboying.
“Go on...” said Milhouse.
“Where as radiation Dude has the similar but lame “Up and let’s go....,”
“So you kids fancy yourselves experts on Radioactive man?” Comic book Guy asked.
“Between us we’ve read all 642 issues!” said Bart.
“Including the special edition limited copy where Radioactive Man and Fallout Boy are killed on every page!” said Milhouse.
“Then it should please you tykes to learn there is to be a Radioactive Man movie!” said Comic Book Guy.
Bart and Milhouse gasped as their hats flew off.
“I have got to do something about that air conditioner...” said Comic Book Guy.
“But who will be Radioactive Man?” Milhouse asked.
“I will tell you urchins. In seven minutes...” said Comic Book Guy. He waddled off to his computer in the back.
“At slash dot nerd dot obsessive. Need know RM pic.” He asked some nerds online who was going to be Radioactive Man. The nerds were Benjamin, Doug and Gary. Homer’s friends from college and a guy wearing a Happy Little Elves t shirt and a guy with green Vulcan ears and Prince...
In a board meeting they discuss various ideas for the movie. However, an elderly member of the board keeps suggesting they cast the original Radioactive Man because kids will want to see the original Radioactive Man. “I don’t see why we have to cast Rainier Wolfcastle. I say we cast Dirk Richter. Kids will love to see the original Radioactive man!”
"I keep telling you his 85 years old and dead!" said the CEO.
"And?" asked the elderly board member.
”Arnold Schwarzenegger sliced off his arms with an elevator in Total Recall...” said another board member.
”See you at the party Richter!” said Arnold Schwarzenegger holding Richter’s arms.
"Besides we want to keep away from the campy seventies TV series as possible!" said the assistant CEO.
There is a flashback of an episode of Radioactive Man where he and Fallout boy encounter the scoutmaster.
"Billowing Backpacks Radioactive Man!" Yelled Fallout Boy. "It's the worst super villain of them all! The scoutmaster!"
A gay scoutmaster played by Paul Lynde appeared.
"I see him Fallout Boy." said Radioactive Man.
"Go get em boys!" said the scoutmaster. Boy scouts appeared from nowhere and started a ring of fire. (Oh yeah!- Red space coyote from Homer's chilli induced hallucination.)
"Don't be afraid to use your nails boys! Ahahahaha!" The scoutmaster laughed in camp tone.
Radioactive Man and Fallout Boy started beating up the scouts. However suddenly party music started and bikini clad ladies appeared and started dancing. Soon everyone was dancing for some reason...
After the daydream/flashback ended we were back in the boardroom and the CEO shivered in disgust at the thought of the campiness of the seventies Radioactive Man series.
”We need a city with a nuclear reactor and a gorge and a well.” said the CEO.
”I’ll check the newspaper.”
Springfield seemed already aware of the movie. Probably because of the nerd hiding under the table covertly spying on the board meeting. They sent out a badly spelt request to have the movie shot in their town.
”Springfield eh? This place seems good. It’s quiet, no one knows where it is and they don’t need no fancy ad or proper spelling!” said the CEO reading Springfield’s newspaper ad. “Get me tickets to whichever state Springfield is in!”
A Radioactive Man iris out opens the next scene.
The CEO and crew member executives were talking with Mayor Quimby. He was more than happy to offer his help in anyway he could. Including with frightening suggestions just to make the film crew’s job easier and to appease them.
”My town is at your um service boys! No really, name anything you need and I’ll err make sure you get it!”
”Thanks Mayor Quimby.” said the executives and directors as cameras were set up.
”No really boys. We’ll blow up our dams, destroy forests, anything!” said Mayor Quimby. Holy crap! He’s predicting future episodes! “If there’s a species of animal bothering your camera men or sniffing around your equipment! By gum! I’ll have the local army called to wipe it out!”
”no look! We just want to make a movie! Not kill things!” said an executive for the company that was shooting the Radioactive Man movie.
”I want to kill things...” said a gaffer.
Soon news reached Springfield Elementary School. Skinner announced through the the intercom that the school was holding auditions for the role of Fallout Boy.
Everyone was so excited that their hats flew off.
"We really need to get the suction on the air conditioners fixed..." Skinner remarked on the intercom.
One day at breakfast Bart scared the cat and startled everyone by practicing his lines for the role of Fallout Boy.
"Look out Radioactive Man!" Bart yelled. “The sun is exploding again!”
"Bart. I know you're really excited about auditioning for your little superhero movie but can you not run around the house yelling like that!" Marge told him off.
”Who on Earth is Bart yelling at?!” Homer asked. “Marge...” he asked squinting suspiciously at Marge. Do you have other men in this house? Radioactive men...?”
”Oh for crying out loud!” Marge sighed.
Radioactive green glowing co workers of Homer, including his friends Lenny and Carl arrived.
”Marge we have no idea how Homer brought home some highly volatile uranium. But I would not go down to the basement if I were you!” said Carl glowing bright green with radiation.
At Moe’s Barney and the barflies discusses the super hero movie and that the crew were looking for a local child to play Fallout boy.
”I remember when I was one of the original Little Rascals.” said Moe.
“You were in the Little Rascals?” asked Carl.
”Which one? The ugly one?” Lenny asked.
”Were you the ugly one?” Barney asked belching.
”No! I was the tough one, Smelly.” said Moe.
He explains his bit was looking in an exhaust pipe and getting soot on his face and in his eyes. However he lost his job because he killed the original Alfalfa by slamming his head repeatedly against the sidewalk in anger because Alfalfa stole his bit.
”Oh my god! He killed the original Alfalfa!”
”You bastard!” Kyle from South Park yelled for some reason.
Meanwhile Rainer Wolfcaster (McBain) was casted as Radioactive Man. But he wouldn't say his line right.
"Up and at them!"
"No! Up and atom!" said the CEO/director.
"Up and at them!"
"Up and atom!
"Up and at them!"
"Oh what's the use! We'll dub it over in the edits..." the director sighed.
In town, everyone got movie fever from the new Radioactive man movie coming out. People were offering their shops to be in the film, there was a hair and wig store selling Horrible toupees. Oscar went in and came out wearing a blue beehive like Marge’s.
He went “Hrrrrrrrmmmmmm!” Like Marge she was exasperated with someone.
Snake wore a sign reading “Give me a million dollars or I’ll shoot you!”
All the school pupils got lessons off to audition for Fallout Boy.
Bart is in the corridor wearing a towel as a cape.
“Look out Radioactive Man! Dr Crab has a sonic laser!” said Bart dramatically.
Everyone applauded him and he wet off doing a vampire thing with his cape, you know where they pull their cape with their arm outstretched and peer over the cape and skulk off. The cape flourish....
”Wow! Totally awesome!” Were numerous cheers.
”Thank you! Thank you!” said Bart doing vampire cape flourishes.
”Bart don’t... That’s a villainous vampire thing, not a super hero thing...” said Ace the vampire boy, wearing a vampire cape.
Nelson laughed. “Haw Haw!” Then he laughed at his reflection in a hall mirror. “Haw- Aw.... That’s mean! I get why people don’t like being laughed at...” Nelson said ashamed of himself upon feeling what it’s like to be laughed at.
Martin arrived. “Please... it’s all in the delivery...” he coughed to clear his throat. “Now is the winter of our discontent...”
“Oh no! Run!!” Richard screamed because Martin was being a dork reciting Shakespeare...
Everyone fled screaming.
Most of them weren't what the director was looking for... Except Bart who had charisma and Milhouse who had the look they were going for. They wanted Fallout Boy to be a geek.
“Bart, come back when you’re a little taller and we might consider.” said the directors.
Oscar put Bart on a medieval rack. Some time later Bart returned to the auditions for Fall out Boy at school. He turned up at the audition dressed in a striped suit and shoes with high soles like Geri Halliwell’s. He had also bought a chihuahua for some reason.
“Why a chihuahua?” Oscar asked.
“I dunno.” said Bart.
Unfortunately the director had already decided on Milhouse as being the right candidate for Fallout Boy.
"Put some gel in that blue haired boy's hair and style it." said the narrator. Eventually Milhouse came back from the stylist with a big blue quiff and in costume.
"Perfect!" said the director. "You're hired!
"What?!" Bart yelled disappointed.
"Sorry Bart, but Milhouse has the look for Fallout Boy." said the director.
"Mr Director. I need my glasses on. I can't see without them." Milhouse whined.
"Sure, why not?" said the director.
Bart groaned. "You're turning Fallout Boy into a geek!"
"Uh Fallout Boy is a geek. Bart have you actually read the lines?" Oscar asked.
"Jiminy jillickers... What the heck?! What sort of wiener catchphrase is that?!" Bart groaned.
"That's his catchphrase. Do you actually read the comics kid?" the director asked.
"Of course! I'm the number one fan! I have nearly every issue! Barring when my allowance can't afford a copy." Bart replied. "And I thought you were trying to avoid the campiness of the seventies series..." Bart sighed.
"We've got a film to shoot, everyone out! Except you Milhouse." said the director.
”Look Man! I’ve actually fought alongside the actual Radioactive man in this, Bartman meets Radioactive Man. For the Nintendo...” said Bart.
The auditions director exploded.
”Ay carumba!” Bart was shocked by the man exploding into tiny bits.
"Don't feel bad, Bart." said Oscar as they both walked down the halls of the school. "Besides what sort of name for a sidekick is Fallout Boy?! Didn't they name a tween boy band that..."
"It's part of the theme Oscar. Radioactive, Fallout?" Bart explained. "Anyway they've ruined it now by making Fallout Boy a little dweeb like Milhouse." Oscar winced at him. "No offence to him, he is my best friend, but he's the sidekick in our friendship and I'm the leader because he can just be so..."
"Yeah! And I'm the cool one!" Bart explained.
One day Bart went to visit Milhouse on set.
"Hey Milhouse!" said Bart. However Milhouse exploded. "Milhouse!!" Bart cried.
“Stupid robot wasn’t supposed to explode yet!” A tech operator yelled.
However Bart found Milhouse again. However he got ran over by a van. Bart gasped in horror. However the Milhouse/Fallout Boy was actually the cigar smoking midget.
“You’re not Milhouse!” said Bart.
”I play Milhouse when he gets hurt. Ohhhhhhh....” said the bald cigar smoking midget.
"Ok now for the real Fallout Boy! Milhouse!" said the narrator. Milhouse came out of his trailer and laid under the fan with a X ray gun pointed at him.
"Whoa man, do we really need an actual working X ray gun?" Otto asked.
"Whooooa! Otto? You're working on this film?" Bart asked.
"Of course! They needed someone to drive this truck!" Otto explained.
"We're trying to shoot a movie here! Can all bystanders wait until between scenes for autographs..." the director asked.
Bart waited until Milhouse had finished filming.
“Ow! I think I’m lying on a broken beer bottle!” said Milhouse.
”Good! Work with it!’ said the director.
The X Ray gun zapped Milhouse with X rays.
Bart was in his room moping. Lisa came in.
”George Burns was right... Fame is a hideous bitch goddess...” said Bart.
“George watch your language!” Mr Burns outside on the street scolded George Burns.
”Sorry Cousin Chuck...” said George Burns.
”Don’t call me that in front of the lowly peasants!” Mr Burns snapped. “Stop staring!!” He yelled at the townsfolk staring bat his domestic.
”Cheer up Bart. Milhouse will need a friend on his road to stardom! Someone to be there for him! Someone to rub lotion on his back.” said Lisa.
”Lis, I am not rubbing Milhouse’s weird stinky ointment into his boils...” Bart said in disgust.
”Okay someone to hurl whiskey bottles at.” said Lisa.
”No. I’m gonna be hurling whiskey bottles at him in the dark future where I’m a failed rockstar or a male stripper.” said Bart.
In the future.
”This single is called My parents took my crack.” said adult Bart as a sleazy rockstar. He played but people hated him and booed and jeered. And someone beaned him with a beer bottle. He lied on the stage concussed.
Later he was in his room with a broken TV with no signal illuminating the room. Bart was lying on the floor drunk or high on drugs.
”Bart come on, were on in five minutes...” said Adult Milhouse.
”Bugger off...” Bart swore.
”You used to be cool...” said Milhouse.
”I said shove it!” Bart threw a whiskey bottle at him.
The present. Bart’s room.
”Uh okay...” said Lisa. Anyway she then must have said something nice and heartfelt because they hugged. D’aaaaaaaaawwwww!
”D’aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww!” Oscar cooed, thinking them hugging was cute.
Homer came in.
”Hey kids! Guess what! The movie crew working on Milhouse’s dumb hero movie want to record some scenes in our house! In fact they’re using Bart’s room right now!” said Homer as camera crew cane in and set up cameras.
”Uh this room is gonna stand in for Fallout Boy’s/Rod Runtledge’s bedroom.” said a crew member.
”Hi Lis.” said Milhouse dressed as Fallout Boy’s regular mortal self, Rod Runtledge as he laid on Bart’s bed.
”Milhouse get off of my bed!” Bart yelled.
”While we’re filming its Milhouse’s bed.” said a film crew member. “Now vamoose kids.
Oscar was in the hall pestering the director.
”I just think, the movie would work better with cartoon slime monsters tormenting Fallout Boy in it...” said Oscar.
”Uh no...” said the director.
”Quite bothering the director boy...” said Homer shooing Oscar away. “I know you! From that other film you did! That political drama! And let me tell you, I’ve never walked out of a movie before but Yeeeeeuck!” Homer obviously disliked his last film.
”Mr Simpson how about you help yourself to the food truck outside?” said the director.
”Hey!” Homer made a short Yelp with joy as he ran off so fast he left a dust cloud in his shape.
”Mr Simpson?!” asked the director.
”I’m dust cloud Homer.” said the Homer shaped dust cloud.
Milhouse was in his trailer.
"Hi Bart." Milhouse greeted Bart.
"Milhouse you've got to get me on the film! Look I'll even be an extra! Please!" Bart begged. "I'll be his stunt double!"
"Sorry Bart, that's the director's decision." Milhouse replied.
"Milhouse we need you to do the Jiminy Jillikers! line again." The director asked.
"But we've done that line already! We did it five times, but you wanted me to do it again!" Milhouse ranted.
"And again and again and again! Let's go!" barked the director, dragging him outside.
"Maybe I don't want to be in this movie..." Bart decided, based on how pushy the director was.
One afternoon Krusty wanted to be in the movie. So the made him the main antagonist Angry the clown aka Silly Sailor/Dr Clownilious.
“Cooooool!” said Bart.
“I won’t let you down! Well except for my Silly Sailor... I am not good at that....” said Krusty.
“Who’s Silly Sailor?” Bart asked.
“The main villain‘s maritime alter ego...” said Oscar.
Elsewhere on the set.
”Mister, why are you painting that horse to look like a cow? Why not just use cows...” said Ralph.
”Because cows don’t look like cows on film...” said the guy painting a horse.
”What happens if you want to use horses?” Ralph asked.
”We just tie two cats together.” said the guy.
”What if you want cats in your movies?” Ralph asked.
”Kid you’re bothering me...” said the guy.
Homer saw some rough necks resting. occasionally they’d stretch about and grunt and yawn while resting against their truck.
”Can I join you?” Homer asked.
”Sure.” said a rough neck.
Homer sat down and stretched and grunted like a rough neck. The sleepy rough necks exaggerated their stretches and grunts to compete against him in some sort of rivalry.
Milhouse and McBain as Radioactive Man and Fallout boy were upside down dangling by their legs in a cage that was part of a water world villain lair.
”Jiminy Jillickers Radioactive man! Silly sailor has captured us and locked us up in his floating aqua world!” said Milhouse as Fallout Boy.
”Ugh! How could this get any worse?” Radioactive Man tempted fate.
”Well I’m here.” said Kevin Kostner dangling upside down by his ankles.
”Nooooooooooooo!” Radioactive Man screamed.
Oscar at the Simpsons saw something awful. Probably Selma naked or something.
”My eyes! The goggles do nothing!” he cried.
”Maybe try wearing your goggles Oz? Instead of just as a fashion accessory?” Lisa asked.
Oscar pulled down his green anime goggles over his eyes.
”I only do this during a tense battle against evil when I’m about to turn the tables on my enemies.” said Oscar.
And now for more failed auditions and a time travelling Marge.
”Well it looks like the world is safe again. Eh Fallout boy?” Lunch Lady Doris was doing lines.
”What’s for lunch tomorrow?” Ralph asked.
”Next...” Bart as director groaned.
”Chicken necks?” Ralph asked.
Nelson in the cafeteria laughed at his reflection again. “Haw Haw! Aw geez! I am mean! No wonder no one came to my birthday party...”
”Is that so?!” said Marge from a few seasons in the future.
”Bart’s Mom?! What are you doing here?!” Nelson asked.
”Making my kids go to your birthday! I didn’t bring them up to rudely turn down invites! For I have a wooden spoon!” said Marge from the future.
”And I can turn you into a pumpkin with one thought, mom.... so watch it!” said Bart reminding her of his evil psychic powers.
Milhouse was doing a scene where Fallout boy was webbed to a wall with sticky green goo.
”Stick around Fallout Boy. I’ll get us out of this mess...” said Radioactive Man as Fallout boy grunted and struggled.
”Oh real funny Radioactive man! Ungh! Nnnnnnngh!” Fallout Boy grunted as he struggled and squirmed stuck in the goo.
However one day during filming of an expensive scene at the nuclear power plant, Milhouse was nowhere to be seen.
"Where the hell is Milhouse? Mr Burns only allowed us to shoot this scene once so we can't make any mistakes!" asked the director. "Fallout Boy is supposed to come in and untie Radioactive Man before we flush this actual acid all over Rainer Wolfcastle.
"Acid?!" Rainer asked.
"Goggles on Rainer! Action!" said the director. However Milhouse didn't turn up and Rainer was washed away by cartoonish deadly acid.
"My eyes! The goggles do nothing!" Rainer yelled as he was washed away. He was flushed out of the power plant and went flying into the wall of a trailer. He yelled as his costume dissolved from the acid.
"We're screwed..." the director sighed.
”Hey, I want to talk to the producer about this coffee!” Krusty as Dr Clownelius yelled holding a cup of coffee.
Later on the studio came up, with emergency ideas to shoot around Milhouse's absence.
"We'll use footage of Fallout Boy and splice scenes together! Here's what we've done so far!" said a studio producer.
A scene was shown of Radioactive man in a cave fighting orange goblin like things with an off screen Fallout Boy. Then it lazily cut to Milhouse as Fallout Boy in an empty field saying "Jiminy Jillikers!" over and over.
"Tim, you're fired." said the angry director.
Meanwhile in town everyone was looking for Milhouse including his parents.
Bart goes looking for him.
”I’ll check out all his own haunts.”
Bart headed to Androids Dungeon where Comic book guy and Otto were having a Skilletrix race.
”Have you guys seen Milhouse?” He asked.
”No, now go away...” said Comic Book Guy rudely.
”What are you doing...?” Bart asked.
”Racing. The winner gets to be champion of the universe!!” said Otto.
”Uh okay....” said Bart.
Bart then headed to a creepy abandoned Spirograph factory. Scary music played.
Inside, Bart found a purple haired man drawing with Spirographs.
”Dr S?” Bart asked.
”Yes? I’m rather busy drawing with Spirographs here.” said Dr S.
”Have you seen Milhouse?” Bart asked.
”No.” said Dr S drawing.
”Okay.” said Bart.
”Hold on. Did you know no Spirograph diagram is ever the same?” Dr S asked.
”Uh... fascinating... I’ll remember that...” said Bart leaving.
”You won’t...” said Dr S.
One evening, Bart was climbing up to his treehouse when he found Milhouse there in costume as Fallout Boy.
"Milhouse?" Bart asked.
"Sssh! I don't want anyone to know I'm here!" Milhouse hushed him. "They've sent you to find me haven't they?"
"No." Bart replied. "Fed up with being famous already?" Bart asked smugly.
"You saw what they were like! Doing take after pointless take!" Milhouse cried. "I'm sick of saying Jiminy Jillikers over and over again!!"
"Wow! You really are sick of the whole thing!" Bart replied. "Don't worry, I'll hide you. I'll even take your place instead."
However Micky Rooney found them.
"Mickey Rooney?! What are you doing here?!" Bart and Milhouse asked.
"Why I'm advertising my Mickey Rooney's crazy pills!" said Mickey. Suddenly he started advertising his pills.
In Mickey Rooney's lounge is Mickey Rooney in an armchair. "Hi I'm Mickey Rooney! You may know me as being whacked out insane!" said Mickey. "I like to scream at mice with my shirt off!"
Mickey was screaming at a mouse in the kitchen with his shirt off.
"Sometimes I steal people's scabs!" said Mickey. He is then in the street ripping a scab off of a guy's leg. He then runs down the street screaming.
"You can be just as crazy as me with Mickey Rooney's crazy pills! Take one with breakfast! One with lunch! And very soon you'll be sitting on the roof pooping into the chimney!" said Mickey.
Mickey Rooney was sitting on a chimney with his pants down apparently pooping. "Hold out your stockings kids!"
Everything then returned to Bart's treehouse.
"Okay... why are you here apart from that..." Bart asked after an awkward silence.
"I'm here to ask Milhouse to come back and finish filming." Mickey explained.
"Sorry Mr Rooney but no way." said Milhouse.
"Milhouse. If not for the directors but for yourself?" Mickey asked.
"I'm sorry but I quit! I don't want to be Fallout Boy anymore." Milhouse took off his costume and left.
"Oh well, can't say I didn't try." Mickey sighed.
"Now who's gonna be Fallout Boy?" Bart asked.
"I could." Oscar suggested.
Mickey was on set dressed as Fallout Boy.
"Jiminy Jillikers! Jiminy Jillikers! Jiminy Jillikers!" said Mickey Rooney.
"Mr Rooney..." the director sighed.
"Oh fine! I'll let the spike haired kid do it..." Mickey sighed.
Bart hopped on set in a Fallout Boy costume and posed joyfully.