Simpsons Fanon

Pranks and Greens Bart finds out there was a better prankster at school than him once. And no it’s not Ace or Oscar.

Meanwhile Marge’s friends storm out of her Mother’s baby club thing at her house because they find she serves junk food with E numbers and stuff so she tries to be a healthy eating mom to bring her friends back. Especially since her sister Selma is a member too.

Bart then finds his idol. A jobless frat boy who still lives with his mother. At first Bart is impressed by his idol and learns from him especially since he broke Skinner. But soon after some teasing from Lisa. Bart realises Andy is not very cool and tries to get him to better himself.


The title gag is Sherry Bobbins gliding past on her umbrella. (It’s Mary Poppins you klutz!).

The billboard gag is “Dr Otto’s Wellness Clinic” with a picture of Otto as a Doctor carrying a bong.

The chalkboard gag is “Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving’s ass.”

“I should hope not Bart. Or we would have been royally screwed last year’s Halloween.” said Oscar. Referring to Treehouse of Horror XIX.

“We’re always screwed every Halloween, Oz.” said Bart. As every treehouse of horror has a bad ending almost. That 28 days later story ended nicely though.

The couch gag is the Simpsons singing the twelve days of Christmas even though this isn’t a Christmas episode!

On the twelfth day of Christmas... my true love sent to me...

Twelve Grampas grumbling!

Eleven Barneys Belching!

The Barneys burp loudly.

Ten Lennys leaping!

Lenny clones leaping over a fence.

Nine Carls dancing!

Eight Moes Milking!

Seven Selmas smoking!

Six Flanders praying!

Five Golden Frinks! (Sung Frink)

Four crawling nerds! (Four nerds are beaten up by Nelson.)

Three eyed fish! (Blinky!)

Two special Ralphs! One of the Ralphs is actually the shape shifting alien monster who reveals its true form and eats the real Ralph.

And a Maggie in a Snuggie!

The episode starts with Bart and Milhouse in Bart’s room deciding on how to prank Skinner for the week.

“So what prank are you gonna start off with Bart?” Milhouse asked.

“The exploding pen.” said Bart.

Milhouse had a pen. “The what now?” His pen suddenly exploded all over him, covering him ink. “Gah!”

Bart laughed.

“Gargleblargle! Nyes! Gurgling” (you call that an ink defence! This is an ink defence!) said a male Inkling from Splatoon as he squirted ink in Bart’s face. He then ran off going Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Like Curly.

Bart sighed.

In the living room Ace was packing his prank devices such as stink bombs etc. Oscar was going through his stuff and came across a cookie.

“Mmmmm! Cookie!” He ate the cookie.

“No Oscar! That’s a time release blood pack!” said Ace.

Oscar was alarmed as blood poured out of his mouth. Luckily it wasn’t his own blood but fake film set blood.

Bart came in with Milhouse.

“So we’ve got competition this semester...” said Bart.

“You know it Bart!” said Ace. “Let’s see, squirting flower. Electro joy hand buzzer...”

“Well let the games begin!” Bart said with a grin. There was a musical montage at school as the two pairs of boys. Bart and Milhouse. Oscar and Ace. Pranked the school.

To start with Bart and Milhouse pumped various gases into the staff room while the teachers had a meeting.

Skinner was droning on and on, boring the teachers. But things livened up as Bart slowly filled the room with helium.

Skinner’s voice went all squeaky.

Everyone in the staff room laughed hysterically.

“People stop it! This isn’t my real voice!” Skinner in a high pitched voice tried to yell.

The teachers laughed even harder.

“Damnit people! You think this is funny?!” Skinner yelled in a squeaky voice.

They laughed harder.

Bart smirked. He then added Carbon Monoxide to the room. The teachers and Skinner slowly went to a deep sleep from monoxide poisoning.

“No monoxide alarms? Asbestos? This school is a death trap!” said Oscar.

“Go and set up your pranks elsewhere...” Bart sent a Oscar and Ace away.

Bart then woke the teachers up again by letting in fresh air. Before filling the room with. Laughing gas. Nitrous oxide. They laughed uncontrollably. Then he put them to sleep with monoxide again.

“Hmmmm... what other funny gases can I use... Uh bro?” Bart asked his brother Hugo who was reading a big science book.

“A funny gas Huh? Did you try helium?” Hugo asked.

“Yep.” said Bart.

“How about tear gas? Also known as a lacrymator or in layman’s terms Mace.” said Hugo.

They pumped tear gas into the staff room. The teachers all started crying!

“Just so you don’t get that and laughing gas confused I’m putting Laughing/crying Tomba stickers on them.” said Hugo putting pictures of Tomba laughing and crying on the gas canisters for laughing gas and tear gas.

Bart rolled his eyes. “Anything else in chemistry that will do something cool to the teachers? But nothing mutagenic or dangerous...”

“Well there’s Sulphur Hexafluoride.” said Hugo.

“What does that do?” Bart asked interchangeably making the teachers laugh, cry and sleep.

“Does the opposite of helium. It’s a heavy gas that makes your voice really deep like Darth Vader!” Hugo explained. He inhaled some sulphur Hexafluoride. “Join me Luke and together we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy!”

“Okay don’t hog it! Gimme!” Bart demanded and took the sulphur Hexafluoride and pumped it into the staff room. It made Skinner’s voice really deep like a demon or Darth Vader. The staff laughed at him. He got annoyed wondering what they found so amusing.


Skinner then went to the bathroom. But Ace and Oscar pulled down the walls of the cubicle. Skinner found he was on the toilet while in the middle of the gym being watched by hundreds of children. They laughed at him.

Bart’s next prank involved making Skinner open the bonnet of his car to check it. By making his car stall. Skinner of course went out to check why his car wasn’t starting properly. He opened the bonnet but the engine floated out on balloons. Kids cheered.

Skinner saw Bart and Milhouse on the roof of the school.

Milhouse yelped as Skinner’s ominous shadow appeared.

“Simpson! That engine is made of Yugoslavian parts! There isn’t even a Yugoslavia anymore! Bring that engine back down to Earth now!” Skinner told off Bart.

“If you say so sir!” said Bart. He got out a gun and shot the balloons. They bursted with loud bangs and the engine plummeted onto Skinner’s car smashing it.

Kids laughed.

Skinner was very cross with Bart.


Bart was punished by being made to polish a slide. Eventually he got it nice and shiny.

“Stupid punishment! I hate hard work! Unless it’s on pranks. Well shiny enough now that Skinner can see his stupid ugly-“ Bart grumbled but Skinner arrived.

“Punishment over!” He dragged Bart to his office.

Ralph used the slide and went flying into the air from how slippery the slide was.

Bart, Milhouse, Oscar and Ace were in his office. Only Bart had a seat. The others had to sit on the floor.

“You four boys again?” Skinner sighed.

“We decided to give Bart and his sidekick Milhouse some healthy competition this semester.” said Ace.

“I’ll grill your cheese yet boys.” said Skinner in serious tone.

“Please do Principal Skinner! I could go for some grilled cheese right now!” said Oscar.

“Silence!” Skinner shouted. Oscar was silent. “Boys, especially you Bart. You went the first pranksters to destroy the car I rent from mother, and you certainly won’t be the last!”

“You rent your car from your mother?!” Bart asked as his friends giggled.

“Rent/own. Another couple of payments and half of it is mine.” said Skinner. “The point is I’ve seen hooligans like you lot come and go!” Skinner continued his tirade. “You’re all just a big blur of short pants and wicked smiles.”

“We don’t all have the same fashion sense of Bart, Skinner...” said Oscar.

“I’m wearing dungarees! Like Dennis the menace!” said Ace.

“And I wear sweaters. Like Beano Dennis.” said Oscar playing with the collar on his turtleneck.

“Don’t get smart with me boys! You know what I mean!” said Skinner.

“Sit down amateurs he was talking about me...” said Bart. “Well maybe so Skinner. But I’m the best!” Ace and Oscar scowled at Bart.

“The best of your era maybe!” Skinner said chuckling.

“Are you saying there was a kid worse than me?” Bart asked.

“Far worse!” said Skinner coldly. “But don’t pay it any attention. You lot are all dismissed. You can go now.”

The four boys went to leave but Bart wanted to know who this mysterious prankster was.

“Wait! Wait! If there’s someone who’s a bigger prankster than me, I have to know who he is!” said Bart.

“He?” said Skinner.

“They’re a girl?!” Bart gasped.

“Nah just pulling your leg! Of course they’re a guy!” said Skinner.

The four boys and their principal laughed hysterically.

“Oh Skinner! You had me there!” Bart chuckled. “Imagine that! A girl prankster!” He found the idea of a girl pranking to be ludicrous.

“But let’s not dwell on this mysterious figure who is your superior in every way! Of you go!” Skinner pushed a Bart out of his office.

Bart went to talk to Milhouse about the information he had been given. “Milhouse, there was a prankster even bigger than me!” said Bart.

“A prankster bigger than you?! Imagine what his sidekick looks like!” said Milhouse.

In a dream Milhouse imagined a giant nerd smashing up a city and inhaling into his asthma pump.

“If he lost that asthma pump he would be in so much trouble with his mom..” said Milhouse.

“Whatever you’re thinking about must be cool Milhouse!” said Oscar. “Hehehe! Attack of the giant nerd!” He went off with Ace.

“Excuse me Ace, I’m in Marge’s scene, for some reason.” said Oscar going to his locker.


At home Marge and some of her friends who had babies still were putting on a midday baby day care club. They were Marge and her baby daughter Maggie. Marge’s sister Selma and her adopted daughter Ling Ling. Gerald the monobrow baby and his mother and Manjula and some of her octopulets even though that hasn’t happened yet in my Fanon.

Marge put on a musical tape with babies in diapers on the cover wearing top hats and holding dancing canes.

“The last time they let baby me have a top hat I threw up in it.” Said Oscar loitering.

“Oscar get back to school...” Marge sighed.

Marge put the tape on. Childish and annoying singing sung about how bath times are fun but never to poop in the tub!

“Poop in the tub! Poop in the tub!” sung the voices on the tape.

“I could have used that tape as a baby. Not that I’d listen to it.” said Oscar.

In a cutaway Teddy the living teddy bear was bathing Baby Oscar in a bubble bath when the water went brown...

Teddy screamed. “Aiiiiiieeeee! Mom! Oscar pooped in the tub!”

Some days later.

Teddy decided that Oscar had to wear a swim diaper when in the bath. An extra absorbing one to contain his poop.

“I am not taking chances mucky butt!” Teddy said to the baby as he put him in the bath.

“Oscar we don’t want to know that...” said Marge.

“Well my story s more interesting than hydrogenated fats and E numbers...” Oscar yawned as he teleported back to school.

Marge sighed.

“Who wants snacks?” said Marge.

As Oscar spoiled the story. Marge’s snacks were unhealthy because they had hydrogenated fats and junk in them. And fructose corn syrup. Yum...

“Marge how could you?! These cookies have high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated fats in them!” said Manjula.

Marge protested that she bought the snacks from the Kwik e mart!

“I bought them from your husbands shop!” said Marge.

“You seriously think we feed our children the junk we sell?! We just sell that stuff to stupid Americans to make money!” said Manjula.

And the milk causes cancer apparently.

The moms were so furious with Marge despite her protests they took her off of snack rota until she serves healthy natural snacks.

“Selma please! You’re my big sister!” Marge cried.

“Sorry Marge. Hydrogenated?! Ugh!” said Selma. The moms went home.

Plot 2[]

Bart went to the Kidz Newz newspaper club computer room where Lisa was working. Her club was celebrating getting back together and defeating Mr Burns.

“Guys you do realise you only won because Oscar murdered Mr Burns...” said Bart researching on a computer.

“It’s not murder if he deserved it and I was saving the world.” said Oscar.

Bart sighed and typed away. “A prankster that big must have made the school paper...” said Bart. There was a headline called “Nerd stands up to school bully.” In the article was a picture of a crime scene with a chalk outline of someone. Uh, the nerd murdered the bully?!

Bart noticed something and called Lisa over.

“Lis check this out. Ten years ago the school newspaper didn’t print a new issue for two whole weeks!” said Bart.

“Hmmmmm....” said Lisa interested.

“And check out Skinner in the issue before the two week gap...” Skinner was a young bouncy swimming teacher. “And after.” After the two week gap Skinner was now the principal of the school. A stern no nonsense principal.

Lisa gasped. “Something during those two weeks must have turned Skinner from cool to as you’d put it... tool...”

“The ultimate prank!” said Bart. “There must have been a prank so bad it changed Skinner from cool to tool!”

“I just said that.” said Lisa. “Wait, is that a backhoe in the background?” Lisa asked.

“I see it. Zoom in and enhance!” said Bart. Lisa pushed his head towards the computer screen.

“Groundskeeper Willie!” They gasped.

“Then Willie has the answers!” said Bart. “I must go and see him!”

“Okay but can you deliver my newspaper around the school please.” asked Lisa.

“Sure. What sort of brother would I be if I didn’t?” said Bart.

He threw the newspapers on a fire. Hehehehe!


Bart for some inexplicable reason was at the school at night talking to Willie by a fire. With Lisa’s newspapers fuelling the fire. I know it’s stupid right?

“Willie, I know you witnessed the most awesome prank since the creation. I was wondering if you could tell me about it.” said Bart.

“I’ll never speak to ye about those dark times!” said Willie. “I’ll sooner kill ye in an inventive Freddy Krueger manner then tell ye...”

“No Willie, we’re not doing that Freddy Krueger stuff again.” said Bart.

Willie groaned.

“Come on Willie! If there was an even more awesome dude than I, I’ve got to know who he was, what he did and how many days detention he got.” said Bart. Something happened. Something that changed Skinner, and you!”

“Ach! I haven’t changed! I may have died several times over a few Halloweens, but I’m still Swim teacher Willie and I’ll always will be! Wait! Ach! Why did I say that?” said Willie.

Bart had him.

“See, oh... Fine. Alright I’ll tell ya...” said Willie. “Once the school had a pool...” Note: This is why The President wore Pearls and Bye Bye, Nerdie shouldn’t be canon. Or this shouldn’t be canon. There was a pool in the former when Willie drove into it drunk while singing on his tractor. And the later, the second grade had swimming lessons which nullifies any argument where this episode mentions swimming lessons were cancelled and the swimming teacher was demoted to Groundskeeper. If they still had swimming lessons for second grade, why demote the swimming teacher...

“Okay ‘this episode is screwy! Fix canon or something then!” said Bart.

“Ach! That wee lass of a sister of yours could be taking extra curricular swimming lessons with an outside tutor?” said Willie.

Okay that makes sense. But you can’t drive in a pool then nullify it later.

Willie explained how he enjoyed his job as swimming teacher. He taught his students the Aberdeen crawl. And would wax them before class. Um is that even allowed?

However one day Skinner who was a hip principal back then and liked to go swimming every morning once decided to do a backwards dive so he didn’t see that the pool had been filled with worms until it was too late.

“Worms!!” He yelled as he fell in the worms with a squishy sound and got a mouthful of the squirming creatures.

“It was known as the night of the wrigglers..” said Willie.

To top it off. In the story, an unknown figure, probably a naughty student, and likely the same one who filled the pool with worms, shut the pool cover over Skinner trapping him.

“He remained trapped in those worms all weekend until I came in Monday morning and rescued him. What came out of the pool was a monster!” said Willie.

The traumatised Skinner only said one thing. “ shut down this pool, Groundskeeper Willie...”

The flashback ended.

“Wow... and that prank just changed Skinner like that?!” Bart asked.

Skinner walked past not noticing anything odd about the groundskeeper talking to a pupil at night on the school grounds long after they’ve shut. “Willie, Bart.” said Skinner.

“Monster?” Willie addressed him.

Bart thought long and hard with his shoulder angel and Devil appearing. “Hmmmm Come to think of it, this prankster who’s ass is badder than mine isn’t such a cool guy after all... I hate Skinner’s guts but no one deserves that. Not even Skinner. And this dude got you demoted to groundskeeper! I’m sure you loved that swimming teacher job!”

“Ach! Indeed I did young Simpson! ‘It’s the best paid job I ever did!” said Willie.

“Anyway who was this prankster. What was his name?” Bart asked.

“Andy Hamilton.” said Willie in disgust.

“Andy Hamilton.” Bart repeated.

“And don’t tell anyone I told ye. If I found out I’ll kill whoever told ye this story!” Willie implied he’d kilt himself basically.

Bart grimaced at his stupidity. Then he went home because he should not be out at the school after dark. Why the heck was he even there at night?!


The next day Marge was in the garden throwing away junk food and groceries before setting fire to it. Or about to. Homer ran out.

“Marge what are you doing?!” Homer gasped.

“This junk food has to go! It’s full of trans-fats and Hard pore corn!” said Marge.

Oscar laughed. “Hard core Porn?! Hehehehe!”

“I’m so using that spoonerism...” said Krusty writing it down to go with his trans fat comments at the Krusty burger by calling them those things that sound like He-Shes.

“No Oscar, hard pore corn...” said Marge. Marge set fire to the junk food and hard core porn er corn.

“Nooooooooo!” Homer screamed. He ran off and returned with a canister of spray able whipped cream. He tried to spray it at the burning junk food. “Don’t worry my sweets! Daddy will put you out!”

“Homer no! That’s a petroleum by product!” Marge warned him. The cream caught fire violently and he ran off screaming and spraying burning whipped cream all over the lawn. Then he exploded! “Ow!”


Bart took Milhouse to Andy Hamilton’s house. Apparently he somehow got his address too...

“Andy Hamilton, 53 Hyperion Drive.” said Bart about to ring the doorbell.

“Wait! Bart it’s not always a good idea to meet your heroes... I once followed the mall Santa home. What I saw wasn’t pretty...” said Milhouse.

“And I’ll never forget when I finally met Mother Maggie on the set of Jolly Farm Review...” said Stewie shivering in disgust.

“Stewie go home...” said Bart. Stewie left. “Milhouse I have to do this. I can’t go through life knowing there was some one better than me!”

Bart rang the doorbell. But it was booby trapped. A panel in the door at groin level opened up and a punching glove on a piston punched him extremely hard in the groin.

“Of course! A prankster would booby trap his front door!” Bart gasped in a squeaky pained voice as he clutched his groin in agony. He tried a second door bell.

“Enter and partay!” said Andy on a pre recorded message. Bart assumed this was the correct door bell to use and opened the door once Andy remotely unlocked it. But the door bell and door knob came away stuck to his hands. “Krazy glue!” Bart gasped. “Hmmmmm, this prank still needs a topper...” he saw a bottle of glue dissolver perched on a window nearby.

“Ah glue dissolver!” said Bart.

“Bart no! It’s a trap!” said Milhouse.

The bottle of glue dissolver was attached to a string, that was attached to a bucket vis a Rube Goldberg set of traps. “Ah there’s the topper...” said Bart as the bucket spilt its contents on him.

It was fish heads! “Ay carumba!” said Bart.


Bart and Milhouse were in Andy’s living room. Hugo for some reason turned up and was eating the fish heads that fell from the booby trap. Then he started licking Bart because he tasted of fish from the fish blood and oil. “Hugo stop! Don’t lick me!” Bart told his twin brother off.

“Man it is an honour to meet the guy who broke Skinner...” said Bart to Andy.

“In my days we didn’t have YouTube to upload our pranks, it was either local news or nothing.” said Andy. “Oh looks like I’m having a party today.” He added as Oscar and Ace came in, not affected by any booby traps like Krazy glue etc.

“Nicely Home Aloned door Andy...” said Oscar.

Bart sighed as the wannabe pranksters crashed the party.

Andy offered Bart some pringles.

Bart was about to open the pringles but realised Andy had probably booby trapped the pringles tube.

“Wait... are there spring snakes in here?” Bart asked.

“Oh Bart! Give me some credit...” Andy chuckled.

Bart opened the Pringles tube. A real live, green cobra popped out and hissed at Bart.

“It’s a real snake!” said Andy. Andy realised how dangerous his prank could be and reassured Bart. “Don’t worry its been defanged. (Its fangs removed.)

“I wish I could defang Ace.” said Oscar.

Ace hissed at him baring his fangs. Oscar shoved a bulb of garlic in his mouth. Ace choked from the effects of garlic because he is a vampire.

The cobra bit Milhouse. “Ow!” said Milhouse.

“But it can still gum venom over your arm. I’d wash that arm immediately if I were you.” said Andy.

Milhouse felt woozy as venom took ahold of him. “I don’t feel so good... can I go home...”

“You’re going to be very sick for a while...” said Andy.

Milhouse laid on a tea trolly and shivered from the effects of cobra venom.

“Isn’t this the best day of your life?” Bart asked Milhouse. He continued shivering and foamed at the mouth.

“So you spuds want to be the next Andy Hamiltons?” Andy asked Bart, Oscar and Ace. The three younger boys nodded.

“Well you’ll have to top these awesome pranks then!” said Andy. He showed a slideshow of of his pranks with pictures. “The bear traps in the gym. The fire in the water fountain. (Skinner was alarmed by a fire breathing water fountain.) And the fake heart attack on the plane.” The final image was Andy lying lifeless in the aisle of a plane and a really hot stewardess was giving him mouth to mouth resuscitation.

“They had to land the plane in Nairobi!” Andy laughed. “Some chick missed her wedding!” The final image of the result of his prank was him being manhandled from the plane by security and laughing as an angry bride in the background glared at him.

“I went to Nairobi once. I was very disappointed not to find Adobe there.” said Oscar.

Bart rolled his eyes at Oscar’s stupid remarks.

Eventually it was time for everyone to go home. And Milhouse felt a little better.

“By the way, cool little goatee Andy.” said Oscar. “I always wanted to have one when I’m older.”

We cut to my commissioned picture of handsome/sexy teenaged Oscar.

“That’s nice little dude. Well see ya.” said Andy as they left.

Plot 3[]

At home Bart was going on about Andy. He gets to live at home all day and his mom makes him a sandwich whenever he wants!” said Bart.

“Wow he sounds like a right loser...” said Lisa.

“How can someone so like me be a loser?!” Bart replied.

“Loser...” Lisa did a loser L with her hand.

“Would a loser teach me how to add printer ink to a bottle of shampoo?” Bart asked.

“I’ve never felt so clean!” said Grampa turning blue from the ink... Then something to do with Frankie Muniz...

“Loooooser!” Lisa sung.

Bart stuttered trying time find a retort. “Dad! Lisa’s trying to make me see things from both sides again!”

“Lisa stop doing that!” said Homer.

“Shouldn’t Bart have all the information he needs to make an informed decision?” said Lisa.

“Lisa stop making Bart feel bad about his heroes!” Homer told Lisa off.

“Yeah maybe I should say Bleeding Gums Murphy was a loser for being a drunk jazz musician all his life and wasting his fortune on faberge eggs!” Bart retorted.

“Grrrrrr! That doesn’t make sense! Being a musician is a far more worthwhile life than a jobless bum who still lives with his mother!” Lisa yelled.

“No it’s not. Ninety percent of all musicians die very young from alcoholism, drugs or drug overdoses...” said Bart.

Lisa screamed frustrated and stormed off. Bart looked smug.

Marge was downstairs chopping carrots. Bart and Lisa came in.

“Mom what if someone is a right loser but you think his cool?” Lisa asked.

“Like your dad?” Marge asked.

“That loser? No...” said Bart. “I’m talking about a guy who never grew up. He’s nineteen and still lives with his mother. Lisa thinks he’s a loser yet her idol was an alcoholic and wasted his entire fortune on faberge eggs!”

“No he did not Bart!” Lisa yelled.

“Yes he did! And then he tried to make back his fortune starring as the third grandfather on the Cosby show and his mentor played the saxophone with an umbrella!” Bart yelled.

Lisa strangled Bart.

“Stop it! Stop it!” Marge pulled them apart. “If you two can’t say nice things about each other’s heroes then don’t say anything at all!”

Bart and Lisa were silent.

“Anyway Bart allow me to give some advice. It never hurts to give a friend some gentle advice and a nudge in the right direction.” said Marge.

“Mom did you wash those carrots before chopping them?” Bart asked.

“No...” Marge sighed and poured the carrot pieces into the bin.

“You could have washed them after you chopped them. Now they’re unsalvageable!” said Bart.

“No they’re not! Freaky can have them!” Homer tried to offer the kitchen bin to Hugo.

“Dad! I’m not eating out of the garbage like a street urchin!” Hugo whined. (A street urchin is a child hobo/tramp)


The Simpsons went to a health food store.

“I see no standees for free samples! No standees for snacks! No soda or chips?! What the hell?!”

“We’re not shopping at Apu’s or the Squeaky voiced Teen bag boy mart. We’re getting healthy food that looks bad on the shelf but good in your colon!” said Marge.

“That dude has a purse!” Homer screamed.

“Dad that’s a recycled paper bag. The store doesn’t use plastic bags because they upset jellyfish mating rituals...” said Lisa.

“Stupid horny jellyfish neutering our dudes!” Homer grumbled.

“Homer I want my friends back! Now stop whining!” said Marge.

Homer picked up a magazine about hemp/cannabis and read it.

“Homer you’re not smoking cannabis again...” Marge sighed.

Homer put the magazine back. Oscar picked it up and read it.

“Oz...” Uncle Buck asked for him to hand over the magazine. Oscar handed it over. Uncle Buck read it. “Dave’s not here man.” He mumbled reading it.

Oscar rolled his eyes.


The Simpsons paid for their goods. Shauna doesn’t exist yet so a generic goth lady with face piercings serves them.

She read out every item as she scanned them. And Oscar would respond with stupid explanations of what he thought they were.

“Almond milk.”

“Almond titties.” said Oscar.

“Oscar!” Marge yelled.

“Soy green butter.” said the cash register lady.

“Soylent green!” said Oscar.

“Non soy dairy base soy sauce.” said the lady.

“You just strung loads of healthy food terms together that doesn’t make sense...” said Oscar.

“Oscar...” Marge sighed.

“Steel-cut spelt husk.” I haven’t got anything for that.

“Chef Soy-ar-Dee.” said the lady.

Mr Burns’s chef Chef Boyardee huffed and went off to the dairy section.

“Soy based spaghetti and soy balls.” said the lady.

“Not everything healthy has to be soy...” said Oscar.

“Free range gluten, ultra vegan invisible cheese.” said the lady.

“Plastic.” said Oscar.

“Oscar!” Marge yelled.

“Ultra Vegan soy gluten free...” the lady read.

“I know what they are. You don’t have to read them aloud ma’am.” said Marge.

“Altogether that comes to 790 dollars.” said the lady.

“Eight hundred dollars!?” Homer gasped.

“Oh I forgot these blueberries. That’s eight hundred and eighty dollars.” said the lady.

“Fine but we’re going to our regular store next week!” Homer growled paying for the goods.

“A week?! Without preservatives these fruits won’t last a day! Look!” said the lady with piercings. Some tomatoes, a bunch of bananas, carrots and a broccoli went all mouldy in seconds!


Andy was vandalising a road sign to say Boner way and made it from a one way only traffic to a double headed arrow.

“Hmmmm I guess they can go either way.” said Wiggum in his patrol car.

“Like a bisexual.” said Ted Turner.

“Yes that’s the joke Mr Turner...” said Andy.

Wiggum drove the wrong way down the street. There was a horrid crash and he cried in pain.

Andy laughed at the mayhem he caused.

“Is this how you envisioned your life? Borrowing spray paint off of a ten year old kid...” said Bart.

“I’ll pay you back dude! On my next allowance! No actually the one after that.” said Andy.

“Look I think I can get you a job. Some guy owes me a favour.” said Bart.

“Thanks Bart. I won’t disappoint you.” said Andy taking off his hat revealing he was bald underneath it.

“Oh my god you’re bald!” Bart gasped.

“Yes, I’m losing my hair Bart.” said Andy. “And I’d rather you didn’t yell that out loud!”

“You should probably keep your hat on during the interview....” said Bart.


Krusty owed Bart another favour. Probably one of his shoddy products hurt Bart or Bart reunited Krusty with an estranged relative again...

“Nah he got me another danish. Mmmmmm... danish...” said Krusty eating a danish.

“What’s up Krusty!” Bart greeted him.

“Awwwww! It’s yooooouu!” Krusty pretended he remembered Bart. “What can I do for you? Anything! Except I won’t give you a bit on my show. No more I didn’t do it boy... I won’t give a young comic his first chance... I won’t give a talentless back his last chance... I won’t give you booze... the judge was very clear on that... I’m not your estranged father... I’m not Homer in disguise, that was just a stupid rumour... Oh and I will give you free merchandise if your dying but after six weeks it reverts back to me if you’re not dead yet...”

“Krusty can you get Andy a job?” Bart asked.

Andy was his trolly driver to drive him around Krustylu Studios.

“Just drive me straight to my office or the Krusty show set. Oh, and always veer away from people I don’t like!” said Krusty. “Aaaaaagh! Arthur Crandall and Gabbo! Agh! Sideshow Mel! Aghhhh! Clarice my make up artist! Aghhhh! That stupid donkey with a bow tie that encourages me to do bad things!”

Andy swerved about violently trying to avoid things.


Lisa checked on Bart and his plan to help Andy.

“How’s Andy doing at his new job?” Lisa asked.

“He’s fine...” said Bart.

“So why is he standing on our drive with a cardboard sign saying. “Will drop pants for money.”

Bart ran out to tell Andy off. He was madder than a hornet. “What are doing here?! You’re supposed to be at work!” Bart yelled.

“I quit.” said Andy.

“You quit?!” Bart yelled.

“It was boring! Krusty was like do this! And I was like why man? And he was like because I’m your boss! Then I accidentally gave Mel a cheese sandwich and he yelled at me so I went home.” Andy explained. “But it wasn’t a complete waste of a day! I bought this! A novelty fly in an ice cube! Imagine if you put this is some dude’s drink! He’d be like, I’m not drinking that!” Andy laughed.

Bart giggled. “Yeah they’re hilarious until you put one in your doctor’s drink and he guilt shames you like all Dude! That’s really unhygienic! You may as well put a real ice cube with a real fly in it!”

“Wow your GP has no sense of humour...” said Andy.

“Meh... At least he gave out lollipops every time I got my booster shots. Until he got fired for locking my psychotic twin brother in my parents attic...” said Bart.

Andy zoned out apart from when Bart mentioned getting lollipops at booster shot appointments.

“Ahahaha! Lollipops at booster shots?! Wow you really are a little kid!” Andy said scruffling Bart’s spikes boisterously.

“And you’re a big kid who can’t even hold down a job... Come on Andy let’s find you a job you can do...” said Bart.

“Loser!” said Lisa riding her bike and doing loser hand gestures.

“At least my idol is still alive and not dead from drugs and alcohol!” Bart yelled.

“Bleeding Gums Murphy died of cancer! Something that his lifestyle wasn’t to blame for!” Lisa yelled. “Now let me have the moral high ground!”

“No! What makes you right in this argument?” Bart yelled.

Lisa stormed off.

Plot 4[]

Meanwhile Marge’s friends eventually gave her a second chance once they found she was serving organic food.

“Oh I missed you sister!” Marge hugged Selma.

“Marge. You’re my little sister. I wouldn’t cut you off. It’s just we mothers have to stick together on a decision! They were gonna isolate me if I stood by you!” said Selma.

Marge put on the sappy tape with the diaper wearing babies with shiny top hats and canes dancing.

The song playing was explaining that pets don’t live very long but a puppy or kitten lives longer than a fish. “Flush flush! Fish! Flush flush fish!” Poor fishies...

Oscar interrupts with another memory of himself as a baby. Baby Oscar was by a toilet upset as Teddy put his dead goldfish in the toilet. “Bye bye fishy.” said Teddy the teddy bear flushing the dead fish away.

Marge sighed.

It was then snack time.

“I made zucchini cakes with organic zucchini. Soy non gluten no artificial colours or preservatives. They can’t rise on their own without a raising agent so I was up all night blowing air into them with a straw.” said Marge.

“What butter did you use to make sure they didn’t stick?” Selma asked.

“None!” said Marge.

The moms cheered.

“And these recycle able cups of juice contain no E numbers!” said Marge.

“Eeeeeeeeeeeee!” went Oscar. “Numbers.”

“Oscar stop making fun of that kid in your old remedial school...” said Marge.

Then the white mom with a black kid. Because she likes black dick... saw her daughter was drinking a recycled paper cup of juice that had the number seven on it.

“She’s been sucking seven!” The mother gasped.

The moms screamed and ranted stupid gibberish about whatever Seven was and non stick pans!

“Ladies non stick pans are harmless. Except Teflon if you have a pet parrot.” said Oscar.

We cut to Ace cooking with a nonstick Teflon pan. He has a parrot on a perch. Suddenly the parrot chokes and dies.

The ladies continued ranting stupidness. Then they took their kids and went out to an ambulance across the street. Dragged out the poor guy in a hospital gurney and shut themselves in the ambulance.

Marge sighed.


Bart was trying to find Andy’s skills.

“You must have some skills apart from pranking...” said Bart.

“Well...... I do do seminars to help little kids like you get over childhood fears...” said Andy.

“Wow! Really?” said Bart.

“Yeah I got that Billy kid cured of his fear of clowns. Now he’s just angry at them.” said Andy.

Billy from Grim adventures chases angrily after some frightened clowns with a chainsaw. “Stop frightening me! Evil clowns! Diiiiiieeeee!”

Bart face palmed. “Well that’s a start! You could start your career from there, helping people as a psychiatrist...” Bart wrote something. “Ever thought about attending college...”

“I did. But got expelled from my fraternity for drinking. Apparently you can’t bring alcohol on the campus anymore and aren’t allowed to get up to shenanigans...” said Andy.

“I know. Colleges suck now right?” Homer explained.

“Dad, not your scene...” Bart sighed.


Meanwhile Homer went to the master bedroom to find Marge had found his secret stash of sugary treats and was eating them!

“Marge... What the?!”

“Oh Homie I’m fed up with trying to impress my mother and baby club friends with gross organic food! I need sugar!” said Marge,

“You have found the precious!” said Homer in a Gollum voice.

“My precious!” said Gollum.

Homer and Marge enjoyed the treats together.

“Just because we’re making our kids eat healthy doesn’t mean we should!” said Marge.

“I love you! Now pass that cola!” said Homer as he drank some cola.

“Well it was tough, but I managed to get you your job back with Krusty. Try not to quit again Andy...” Bart sighed.

“Oh I’m not. Krusty just agreed to my idea for a stunt! I’m pulling the old pull of worms prank on him!” said Andy.

“You what?!” Bart yelled.

At Krusty’s Krusty the clown show stage Krusty in a swimming costume was about to dive into a pool of worms.

“Krusty no! Don’t dive into that pool of worms!” Bart yelled as he ran on stage some how evading security.

“Why not?” Krusty asked.

“Because you’ll become a boring old miser! That’s what turned Skinner from a cool swimming teacher to a stuffy Principal!” said Bart.

“Bart! For your information that’s not what happened!” said Skinner.

“It’s not?” Bart asked.

“No. This is the real story...” said Skinner.

After Andy’s rather crude but admittedly jovial prank...

“Oh Andy! You and your pranks!” Swimming teacher Skinner laughed covered in worms. “Ahem, report to detention Andy.”

“Yes Principal Skinner...” said young Andy going to detention.

“You see Bart, Andy’s prank didn’t straighten me out into the tough no nonsense Principal I am now! The army did! Well and my mother’s overbearing but understanding hold over me.” said Skinner.

“Seymour! Take me to bingo!” Agnes yelled.

Skinner sighed and took his mother to bingo.

“Well that solves that mystery... Now what to do with all these worms?” Bart asked.

Oscar scooched across the stage on his butt like a dog. “I have worms!” he cried.

Bart face palmed. “Take your banana medicine Oscar..” he got out a bottle of banana flavoured medicine for parasitic worms but Mr Teeny screeched and snatched the banana flavoured medicine and drank it.

“Mmmmmmmm!” said Mr Teeny.

Krusty thought long and hard about what to do with the worms. He had an idea.

They all went fishing with the worms as bait.

The end!