Penny-Wiseguys Otto is replaced on Homer’s bowling team Pin Pals once again, this time by Fit Tony’s accountant Steve Carrell who is also temporary in charge of the mob while Fit Tony does Jury duty. And Matt yet again assumes Fat Tony is still alive despite killing him off in season 22... It’s Fit Tony you moron!
However the accountant has to juggle the books and save money wasted by the mobsters and stop a plot to kill off rival gangsters then the stress is too much and he turns evil and takes Homer hostage.
Meanwhile Lisa faints at a music recital and Dr Hibbert diagnoses her with Anemia, iron deficiency. He says if she is to continue being vegetarian she will need to take large difficult to swallow iron pills made literally out of iron. Oscar and Hugo instead propose Lisa simply eats more green or cruciferous vegetables. But in a startling revelation she doesn’t like her greens... Lunch Lady Doris then gets her to start eating insects. Something Hugo actively encourages. Much to Oscar’s disgust.
Elsewhere because someone already wrote this episode on here. Bart, Milhouse, Ralph and Nelson find a penny one day that Martin says is an extremely rare Kissing Lincolns penny and could be worth millions but Krusty’s cousin Pennywise keeps scaring everyone by jumping out of the sewer.
The title gag is obese Homer flying about in a muumuu.
The billboard gag is “Springfield. Unsolved Murder capital of the world.”
The chalkboard gag is “I want to secede but I don’t know what state I’m in.”
The bus seat gag has Hugo mortified as he sits next to Muumuu wearing Homer.
The Chase gag is Bart skateboarding home as he is being chased by Ms Botz.
The couch gag is The Simpsons sat on a couch but we zoom out to find it is a tattoo on Marge’s back. She blushes and does up her dress.
”Oh so Mom can have a tattoo but I can’t...” said Bart still defiantly showing off his mother tattoo.
”Not while you’re a child...” Marge sighed.
At Barney’s Dad’s Bowlerama The Pin Pals and the Holy Rollers are in a match against each other. For some reason Rabbi Krustokski is a member. And so is the deacon but that actually makes sense. The rabbi doesn’t...
”Diddly.... diddly... diddly... diddly... Asterisk, Pound sign, At sign, thunderbolt exclamation point!” said Ned as he got a gutter ball and tried to swear.
”Yeah swear words look funny when they are censored in comics...” said Oscar reading a comic where a character swore random keyboard symbols like Hash symbol and Asterisks and At symbols.
”Excuse me, did someone say my name?” Asterix from Asterix and Obelix asked.
”No I said Asterisk, as in the little star used as a footnote...” said Ned.
”Oh. Never mind.” said Asterix.
“Don’t worry, the Holy Rollers are still one up on the Pin pals.” said Reverend Lovejoy.
“Gentlemen. Prepare to meet your various makers, there.” said Moe to the Holy Rollers.
”Uh no one can look upon the face of the almighty Lord...” said Ned.
”Oh shut up bible thumper! I meant meet your newest adversary! Our new anchor man, Dan Gillick. Who is playing next frame.” said Moe.
Thank God Oscar scared away Mr Burns with that garlic golem and Otto had that psychotic breakdown.” said Homer.
Otto was running about playing on his lobster kazoo annoying everyone and laughing madly.
“Yeah but so did Cleatus.” said Apu.
Cleatus Spuckler had his head in the bowling ball retrieval hole where the balls come out of. “Is this the bridge to Terabithia?” he asked with his head in the hole there was a clonk as a bowling ball hit him. “Ow! It’s beautiful...”
”Oh god no! Why Leslie! Why did you have to die!! (Hugo sobbing)” Hugo was crying while reading Bridge to Terabithia.
”Oh thanks! Spoiler alert!” Lisa yelled as she was a few chapters behind him also reading Bridge to Terabithia.
Bart face palmed as he got up to bowl.
“When my frisbee landed in your backyard that was the luckiest Day of my life...” Homer said to Dan Gillick as he polished his bowling ball. And Transcriptsforeverdreaming has decided Homer can fluently speak French now....
”And when you threw your son after it, I enjoyed meeting him too.” said Dan Gillick.
“He’s a good boy.” said Homer.
Bart was spraying fungicide spray in the bowling shoes. Transcriptsforeverdreaming thought a phone was ringing and Bart inhaled nasally from the smelly shoe and got high on smelly foot smell and the fungicide spray.
”Eeeeeeeew! Someone here has a shoe fetish...” Lisa groaned.
Dan bowled next. Then he was interrupted by his mobile phone ringing. “Oh geez! Sorry guys got a problem at work... I have to go...” said Dan.
“Oh please! I am missing eight birthday parties for this!” Apu whined.
At the Nahasapeemapetilon house Manjula and Apu’s Mom are trying to control the octuplets and run a birthday party for them as they cause mayhem.
“Just granny throw it!” Moe yelled.
”Hey! For your information whippersnappers, we old ladies are great at bowling!” said the busy body old lady with her hair in a bun who banned alcohol when Bart got drunk. She was on a bowling team with Mona Simpson, Jacqueline Bouvier and Sherri and Terri’s grandma from the old episodes who cannot digest eggs properly.
“Keep my ball.” said Dan giving Apu his ball. Dan left in a hurry.
“Well... looks like the faithfuls have defeated a Hedonist.”
”Ooooooooh!” said Hedonism Bot from Futurama in a camp manner. “You saucy thing!”
”An atheist...” the camera looks at Homer.
”Uh actually my wife and our creator Matt Groening won’t let me be an atheist...” said Homer.
”Praise the one true Lord!” Matt yelled.
”A Hindu...” said Lovejoy.
“Oh at last you remember my faith!” said Apu.
”Yes... and. Uh I don’t know what you are...” Lovejoy said to Moe. He’s a snake handler...
“You know when you dog’s having a bad dream? That’s who I pray to.” said Moe.
“You pray to dog Phobetor?! That is so awesome!” said Oscar.
”Sssssssssss! Infidel!!” hissed Lord Naga, god of snakes as a Naga, Asian snake man mythical monster with a cobra’s head and human with green scaly skin from the waistline up and a snakes body from the waistline downwards.
”I am sorry Lord Naga! Please forgive me!” Moe pleaded to the angry snake god. Lord Naga hissed and swallowed him head first, whole.
”Uh okay...” Bart winced.
A green sports car pulled up at Luigi’s Italian restaurant. Dan Girrick got out and went in the back door that had a sign that read “Closed. For: You don’t wanna know...” Mafia music played.
”Ooooooh! But I’m craving breadsticks!” Oscar whined. “Me likey breadsticks! Me likey breadsticks! Me likey- shut up Oz... you’re a big boy now...” he repeated before telling himself to grow up and stop with the silly chants.
Inside Luigi’s restaurant the Mafia lead by Fit Tony still calling himself Fat Tony after his deceased cousin Fat Tony. It’s stupid I know. And they had a feast of all the yummy Italian food.
Oscar outside whined.
Fat Tony (Fit Toby!) spoke in Mafia as Dan sat down. Then Dan realises he still had his bowling glove on and took it off. Holy crap! Homer you’re new neighbour is a gangster in the Mafia!
Fit Tony explained: “The court and their appeals have finally caught up with me. I must do duty, jury duty...”
”Don’t sign petitions outside the grocery store no more!” said the curly haired high pitched mobster.
”But I felt bad for the guy just sitting there at his little card table...” said Fit Tony.
”Now while I’m away there shall be a new temporary don.” said Fit Tony. His mobsters adjusted their cuff links and combed their hair to impress him. “I have chosen my accountant Daniel.” He chose Dan. The mobsters glared at Dan because they didn’t think he suited being the don.
Then sadly Dan did nothing Steve Carrell like being Noah on Noah’s Ark because Morgan Freeman as God told him to. Nor did he yell “I don’t know what we are all yelling about?!” Or be Gru.
”Oh yeah Dan is played by Gru! Steve Carrell!” said Legs.
”I’m allowed to do other characters....” said Dan. Yeah but I like Gru and his funny yellow minions...
”Fat Tony, a word...” Dan did not want to be don.
”Okay.... Meringue?” said Fat Tony.
”That’s a great word, but...” said Dan.
Then Johnny Tightlips threatened to kill Dan in Mafia terms, ie make him disappear, have him sleeping with the fishes etc.
But he was needed for nearly every kid’s movie and comedies so he has to live. Plus Cassidy would be upset.
”Cassidy is a girls name now?” Johnny Tightlips asked. Well only if she’s butch...
I’ll get my coat...
At school there is a performance conducted by Mr Largo. Lisa is in it playing her saxophone. The banner outside said, “Flesh coloured earplugs only. These kids have feelings.”
”Screw them!” said Homer putting blue ear plugs in.
”Homer!” Marge grumbled.
Anyway yes the concert was conducted by Mr Largo and Lisa was taking part.
The parents didn’t like it. Luanne was looking for something in her hand bag. Krusty there, for some reason. Maybe Sophia was a student now... Ripped out his hair and stuck it in his ears.
”I know that music! It’s from Bugs Bunny!” said Bart dressed smart for the evening.
“Oooooh, what I wouldn’t give for an anvil to fall on my head...” said Homer. There was a whistling Piiiiiiiiiii sound as a heavy anvil fell upon him. “Ow!”
Oscar winced baffled.
Quiffy leapt up and laughed like Woody Woodpecker “He he he Heeeeeeeh HE! Hehehehehe!” and sprinted off in mid air leaving dust clouds behind in a cartoon manner.
”Shhhhhhhh! Lisa’s up next!” said Marge.
Mr Largo turned the pages of his book on song notes.
The page read Saxophone solo and the title was ringed in red ink and written in handwriting, “Lisa saves concert.” He despised her rebellious streak and often belittled her but she was the best student of an awful crowd. And that wasn’t much.
On Mr Largo’s cue, Lisa played lively Jazz.
”This is why I am a seasoned subscriber.” said Sideshow Mel being posh and using opera binoculars.
However Lisa got very exhausted suddenly and fainted.
“Oh my gosh! Lisa!” Marge yelled.
”Oh... when I prayed for this concert to be over I didn’t mean like this!” Homer cried.
“I did.” said Bart.
”Where’s the school nurse?” Mr Largo asked.
“Here I am!” said Willie dressed as a female nurse. There are males now but per budget cuts he has to wear a female uniform. “Budget cuts.”
”I thought Lunch Lady Doris also being the nurse was the budget cut.” said Oscar in the crowd.
”This is a budget cut of a budget cut. We’re poorer than we realised...” said Skinner as Willie swept Lisa off stage.
The rest of the orchestra just watched. Yes even Uter and Database.
At Springfield general hospital that night.
Dr Hibbert was examining Lisa with his stethoscope.
”Lisa I strongly suspected you fainted because you saw Justin Bieber in the audience. A hehehehe!” Dr Hibbert chuckled.
”No.... I don’t even like Justin Bieber because I am not mainstream like every other girl obsessed with the latest tween pop sensation or hot young male singer...” said Lisa.
”Does she ever turn off...?” Dr Hibbert sighed to Marge and Homer. They shook their heads,
”Well once again laughter is the worst medicine. Young lady, you’re not getting enough iron...” said Dr Hibbert.
“Please be the vegetarianism... please be the vegetarianism...” said Marge with her eyes closed.
”Gee Marge support your daughter’s choices in life!!” Oscar ranted.
”It’s not the vegetarianism!” Lisa snapped.
“It’s a little bit of the vegetarianism.” said Dr Hibbert.
”Called it!” said Bart stripping of his evening clothes to reveal he was wearing a caveman fur vest underneath and taking out a a big cartoon ham from hammer space and began biting and eating from it.
“Lisa if you must forgo meat I advise you to take these iron supplements.” said Dr Hibbert holding a small container of mineral supplements for iron. He poured out some very large metal tablets that clinked because they were made of iron... and I’m bad at jokes...
”It’ll be like swallowing doll house furniture! Ahehehehe!” Dr Hibbert chuckled.
Oscar was voraciously chewing up doll house furniture, tiny wooden chairs and tables he chewed to pieces etc.
”Oz! Stop eating my doll house furniture!” Lisa yelled.
”And stop explaining the punch line! It’s not funny...” said Bart.
”Oh and Lisa. I strongly advise you keep far away from any magnets...” said Dr Hibbert. The bottle of supplements was yanked out of his hand and pulled towards a horseshoe magnet Hugo was holding.
”Coooooool!” said Hugo.
”Wait Doc, for someone working in medicine, you forgot a simple solution...” said Oscar.
”And what’s that Professor...” Dr Hibbert glared at him.
”Lisa needs more green vegetables in her diet.” said Oscar.
”Cruciferous vegetables. And yes Oscar. Lisa can top up her diet by eating more broccoli and cabbage and spinach.” said Hugo wearing glasses and a lab coat.
”Yeah except Springfield broccoli is lethally toxic now thanks to Oscar insisting on so. And Bleh! I don’t like cabbage...” said Lisa.
”I didn’t know that sweetie!” said Marge.
”Well food fussiness doesn’t suit me as the good child of the family but that’s just how it is I’m afraid, mom... I can’t abide the taste of cabbage...” said Lisa.
”Well it’s the iron supplements I’m afraid then. Ahehehehe!” Dr Hibbert chuckled.
At Luigi’s restaurant. Still closed for the Mafia...
Dan was handing out sheets on the company finances. Etc.
”Look at what we are spending on olive oil...” said Dan.
”We love our bread dipping!” Legs angrily thumped the table.
”Okay...” said Dan.
”We all like bread dipping, but someone booked the entire restaurant for a Mafia Godfather esque family reunion... and not the Marlon Brando kind...” Oscar groaned occupying a table.
”Whatsa matter with you?! Gotta no respect?!” Legs spoke in Mafia at him while doing hand gestures.
”Ah shut up ah your face!” said another mobster.
”This is a private boardroom meeting kid. In an Italian restaurant... because we’re the Mafia we can do that...” said Dan.
”Well I have a hankering for Italian food.” said Oscar. He clicked his fingers to call Luigi. Because he wanted to order.
”But the restaurant! She’s a closed for Fat Tony!” said Luigi.
“Okay do not touch the bread dipping...” said Dan trying to ignore Oscar.
”Hey here’s what Joey the arsonist thinks of your spreadsheets!” An arsonist set light to a spreadsheet and it burnt up.
The mobsters laughed.
“Okay how about when you put a horse’s head in someone’s bed, don’t waste the animal... for the next guy put in a leg or a couple of hooves. Look there’s not any part of the animal when disembodied and bleeding that’s not gonna scare someone...” said Dan. The mobsters threw saddles and bits of dead jockeys at him. Holy crap they’ve declared war on the jockeys!
”Look guys we’re bleeding out red ink, the one thing we should not be bleeding!” said Dan.
An anthropomorphic pen dressed as a mobster sat at Oscar’s table coughed annoyed as he bled red ink everywhere.
”Oh god!” Legs yelled.
At school, lunch. Lisa was trying to take her over sized iron supplements and drinking water to help swallow them but just coughed up the iron tablets that clinked in a metallic manner as they fell upon the table.
Milhose bit at some of his baloney and looked through the hole in it. “No kid is lonely when he has baloney!” He said in a sing song manner.
From Milhouse’s point of view he is looking at Oscar at a table with Bart and Lewis through the hole in his baloney. Oscar stuck his tongue out at Milhouse.
“Except me...” Milhouse sighed.
Lisa coughed up an iron tablet and cried.
Then the school bell denied any dialogue between her and Milhouse.
After everyone left for afternoon class Lisa tried to swallow her iron supplements again but just coughed them up and cried.
Lunch Lady Doris was there for some reason she wants to help this time instead of offering empty hotdog rolls and pushing the independent thought alarm...
”You’re that Simpson kid right? Bart?” Doris asked.
”Lisa...” Lisa corrected her.
“I just see mouths.” said Lunch Lady Doris indeed inflicted with a sight problem where she could only see a mouth talking to her. “Can’t handle the iron pills?”
Lisa nodded. “All day I have vitamin burps. Kack!” She coughed up iron pills.
“Try this, it’s what keeps me young.” said Doris offering a small Tupperware container containing sone sort of mush.
Lisa tried some. “Mmmmm! Tasty! Love the texture...” Lisa liked it. “What is it?”
“Beetles. Mushed up.
Lisa spat in disgust and gasped. “But I’m a vegetarian!”
“So am I. Lots of committed vegetarians eat insects...” said Lunch Lady Doris.
”If you are vegetarian. Why weren’t you more supportive back in Lisa the Vegetarian when I first turned vegetarian?!” Lisa asked in disbelief.
”Because I only just converted recently.” said Lunch Lady Doris. “But yeah loads of vegetarians I met while coming out have eaten insects...”
”Really? Get outta here...” said Lisa in disbelief.
“There’s bug parts in peanut butter.” said Lunch Lady Doris. And every year the average American eats eight spiders in their sleep...”
“It’s all in this book.” said Lunch Lady Doris. She was holding a big red book titled Crazy Things Old Ladies Say.
Lisa with her mouthful; “But this is such a big step!”
“Better decide soon, kid.” said Lunch Lady Doris. “The union said I cannot speak to a student this long.”
“Well this is good grub.” said Lisa. “But I promised Paul McCartney I wouldn’t eat meat!” said Lisa.
”And I promised Paul McCartney I wouldn’t sleep with John.” said a Lunch Lady Doris. “Now look at him. Career ruined by Yoko and dead because someone shot him...”
Grogre the vegetarian ogre grimaced as he chewed his celery stick with vegan peanut butter and raisins.
Meanwhile Bart, Milhouse, Ralph and Nelson after lunch decide to play hooky. Yes even Ralph. They manage to do so with out terminator Skinner following them or Leopold chasing after them. Because things have gotten stupid now that they can do that.
They left school chatting and Milhouse eating his baloney/Balogna sandwich.
”And the thing about huckleberries is once you go fresh, you never go back to canned.” said Nelson.
”Shame there’s not a fruit called Tom Sawyers...” said Bart.
Suddenly he saw a coin glittering in the sun. “A coin!”
He picked it up.
”It looks very old Bart. I don’t think you can spend it...” said Milhouse.
”No I won’t be able to, but... people collect rare coins. Like I did once because Lisa took my hobby of wanting to be Krusty’s sideshow...” No Hugo did the coin thing you became Sideshow Bart, Lisa was his understudy. “Fine Mr nonsense narrator... anyway if we find the right collector this coin could be worth a fortune!” said Bart.
”I wanna throw it at old people!” said Nelson.
”No Nelson... we’re not gonna be doing that...” Bart sighed. The decided to go off and find someone who knew about rare coins.
”Let’s hope we don’t encounter Father Mike again...” said Milhouse.
”I laid an egg like a chicken! Bwark bwark!” said Ralph.
”Eeeeeeeeeew! The boys groan.
”Why do we bring him with us...?” Nelson asked.
At Moe’s Homer and his friends are drinking and talking utter nonsense when Dan comes in.
“So you’re saying you’d rather do the prettiest guy in the whole world rather than the ugliest broad?” Moe asked being part of stupid conversation.
”Absolutely.” said Homer.
“But how did we get here from talking about Aristotle’s Poetics?” Lenny asked.
”Because you can’t hold a high brow conversation in here while inebriated you drunken buffoon! I’m going home!” Hugo said storming off home.
”Homer stop bringing your kids in here...” Moe sighed.
Dan arrived and sat down at the bar apologising for running out during bowling.
The barflies are annoyed at him.
”Oh look, it’s Mister My job is more important than bowling!” Moe ranted.
”Dan, I am turning my back on you because I don’t want to look at you!” He saw Moe had a murderous look on his face while pointing a knife in Homer’s direction because Dan was behind him. “Aaaaaagh!” Homer turns to Dan. “Oooohnh!” he grumbled annoyed. Then he screamed at Moe. “Yooooouuuuu!” He said to Dan. Then he screamed because Moe was a Japanese oni now for some reason.
”It’s part of my rice wine promotion. said Moe taking off the oni mask.
”Oh god! Put the mask back on!” A gay man screamed.
”I’m sorry! I really am! But my job is the kind you can’t walk away from!” said Dan.
”I’m sure if you stamped on everyone’s throats and squeezed down until you hear a snap, they’ll soon come round!” said Moe.
”What is your job anyway?” Homer asked Dan.
”He’s in the Mafia... I saw him last night at Luigi’s. Your neighbour is in the Mafia...” said Oscar.
Homer screamed. “Please don’t have me whacked!”
”Okay Moe I will! We’ll see about that bread dipping! Thanks for giving me an attitude! Thanks for giving me the edge!” Dan yelled like Steve Carrell usually does in the Office.
”Oh great now he’s angry The Office Steve Carrell...” said Oscar.
”Gah hoy flavin Glavin!” Frink jabbered as the school was shut except for the insectivores society. “Here’s to another monthly gathering of the insectivores society as we welcome long time squisher, first time eater Lisa Simpson to our world of bug eating.”
”Now just a minute Professor! I’ve never squished a poor little insect in my whole life! And I’m only here because I need the iron and can’t take it in supplement form or give up my vegetarianism. But since six or more legs or no legs at all is less cute than four I’ll try some bugs...” said Lisa. “And why are you here...?” She asked Hugo who was laughing maniacally at the table in the cafeteria.
”I like eating bugs and gross things to freak people out! Mwuhahahaha! Plus they contain far more protein per bug then conventional animal flesh.” said Hugo laughing maniacally.
“Delighted.” said Crazy Old Jew. I’m sure Judaism doesn’t allow bug eating...
”Narrator’s right... you’re violating the teachings of the Torah...” said Jurkle sat at another table with a menorah upon it.
Crazy old Jewish man didn’t care though. Yahweh will most certainly be sending him down to the fiery pits of Hell then!
”We don’t believe in Hell...” said Jurkle.
Suddenly lovely opera singing starts as we pan across the disgusting bug dishes. Mug of slugs. Mugs with slimy slugs in them. Spider cordon bleu. Spiders basically. And soup of windshield. Smooshed insects scraped off of a car windshield made into a soup...
Crazy old Jewish man eats a spider and Herman the one armed man eats worms. Yuck!
Cleatus is the waiter. XD.
“Waiter there’s no fly in my soup!” Crazy old Jewish man moaned.
”Sorry there folks!” Cleatus took flies off of a piece of fly paper and added them to Crazy old Jewish man’s soup.
”Little more... little more...” said Crazy Old Jewish man.
”Stop pissing off Yahweh! The Torah states quite clearly thou shall not consume insects that live in water, fly in the air or creep along the ground! Are you trying to cause the apocalypse?!” Oscar ranted.
”Thanks Oz, but stop with the cursing! It hurts my delicate little ears!” Jurkle whined.
Luigi’s restaurant. Luigi is stood outside smoking a fat cigar. “Just the once why can’t they go to Applebee’s?”
“I hear ya. I really want some Italian food! And so do all these couples in a romantic mood for a night of garlic breath. And two dogs from Lady and the Tramp.
”No pasta fazoo for you! This is Mafia territory now!” said Legs shooing them away.
Cue Brick in the Office shouting at the Mafia.
”And no more lasagna! I’m dominating you! Got a problem with that?” Brick Dan yelled.
”No sugar! Dominate me all night! Mmmmmmmm!” said Oscar taking this the wrong way and wearing leather fetish bondage gear.
”Oh god no! That is not what I meant!” Dan yelled.
”Oz stop being queer...” Bart groaned in a comic panel.
”Please go back to being Gru...” Curly haired squeaky mobster stuttered.
(Funny German mad scientist accent) “Ok now with ze science and super villain dramatics as I, Gru will destroy the moon! And then I retire from ze evil and adopt three beautiful girls and release funny yellow creatures upon the world!” Dan sighed speaking like Gru.
”Bananaaaaaa!” Minions screamed with delight.
”Oh god! No!” Bart cried.
Then Dan went Brick from The Office again and banned tortellini except for Christmas and funerals.
”Nooooooooooo!” Luigi screamed. “I need the money to run my restaurant and pay for my English lessons! It ah not so good!”
”Actually apart from the cartoon accent, your English is pretty good.” said Dan.
”Thank Ah you so much!” said Luigi touched.
Meanwhile Party Posse we’re trying to solve another mystery. Involving the old coin.
”Just like when you got a phoney drivers license and we drove to the sun sphere tower and wore fruity wigs...” said Oscar.
”Yeah but Ralph wasn’t with us, Martin was, so it wasn’t the Party Posse...” said Bart. “And what inspired you to give me a story this episode? It’s supposed to be about Lisa eating bugs and Dad’s new bowling partner Dan and the mob...”
”Um Alvinluvr...” said Oscar.
Alvin was making Hugo talk posh again. “Yes quite so old chap.” said Hugo as he sipped a cup of tea while holding the saucer.
”ALLLLLVIIIIIIIINNNN!” Oscar yelled like Dave the human from Alvin and the chipmunks.
Bart face palmed.
They went to see Martin to see if he knew anything about old coins.
”Excelsior! Why yes my good chaps. I most indubitably know about old money!” said Martin talking like a geek. And damn it Minnie! Get the hell outta there!
However Nelson found his geekiness insufferable and felt the urge to punch him.
”Hey put down those dukes bandit... What is your problem with us smarter, more intelligent kids...?” Hugo sighed.
”Because you are annoying geeks!” said Nelson.
”Dorks!” said Milhouse.
”Insufferable Poindexters!” said Bart.
”Poindexter... wow... haven’t heard that one before...” said Hugo,
”Please do not hurl insults... (A plate smashed.) Or my fine China...” said Martin.
”Anyway Guys maybe lay off of Martin, because I have this weird freaky friendship with him for some reason that blossomed over him helping me study for a test in Bart Gets an F and bonding over soap box derby cars...”
”Ha! You’re gay for Martin!” Nelson laughed.
”I am not! I just am a hypocrite and try to act cool and rude towards insufferable know it alls but then I befriend them for some stupid reason Matt!” Bart ranted.
The the universe sort of collapsed in on itself from the contradictions.
”Oh great, Matt contradicting himself broke the universe.” Bart sighed.
Eddy from the three Ed’s cartoon ate the sun.
In the basement Lisa had set up a vivarium. She put grasshopper eggs in it and watered them and buried them while singing.
”Now as I am growing my own grasshoppers, am I a farmer or a rancher? Oooooh there is gonna be a lot of heated blogs on this topic!”
“Lisa! Dinner’s ready!” said Marge.
”Oh!” said Lisa going upstairs.
Snowball II meowed and knocked all the grasshopper eggs, and food and a sack of Higgs Boson particles into the vivarium. This made a green mystical cloud. X Files theme plays... 👀.
At Dinner Lisa had a plate of spiders and was eating them.
Bart laughed. “Ha! Lisa eats bugs!”
“Bart! This is America!” Homer yelled pointing his fork with a lump of mashed potato on it at Bart. “Anyone can eat what they want, as long as they eat too much.”
”Okay can I eat you then?” Oscar asked Homer.
”No Sonny, because that would be cannibalism. And that is frowned upon in most civilised societies.” Homer explained to him.
“Lisa, would you like some shrimp?” Marge asked putting a chalice platter of shrimp on the table with a small dish of marinara sauce in the middle.
”Mooooooooom!” Bart whined. “Keep that away from me! I’m allergic remember!?”
”You don’t have to have any dear. This is for Lisa.” said Marge.
Hugo grabbed a shrimp and threw it at Bart.
”Ow! Bart had a swelling from an allergic reaction. “Mooooom!”
”Hugo! Stop that!” Marge told Hugo off.
Lisa pondered. as beautiful music played zooming in on the shrimps. “Hmmmmm... you know... shrimp aren’t that removed from grasshoppers. They’re both Arthropods...” she had a shrimp on her fork as we zoom in with beautiful music. It’s food... eat it... Lisa was about to eat it when the dog growled and ate it off of her fork. “Oh! You did that to help me out...” Lisa said sweetly to Santa’s little Helper.
Grampa grunted confused as the dog humped his leg! Omg!
”Not sure what your motivation for that is...” said Lisa.
”Oh my god! The dog is horny!! Go Santa’s little Helper!” Oscar yelled.
”Right that’s it! Kids shut your eyes! You too Hugo! Homer take the dog outside...” said Marge loudly and commanding. Every one of the kids quickly shut their eyes except Hugo because he likes seeing dog sex. But he shut his eyes once Marge insisted.
Homer mortified dragged the horny dog outside.
Outside Springfield Court, the Fat Tony theme tune played. Yeah he has a theme tune too Bob...
Dan was waiting for Fat Tony. (Fit Tony! Damn it!)
“Hurry up! Make it quick! I finally got a seat by the window and tittle Bulgarian Lady might take it.
Bulgarian Lady wearing a head scarf rants in Slavic gibberish.
”I have cut expenses by twelve percent.” said Dan.
”Excellent!” said Fit Tony. “But as my more ruthless cousin on Wall Street would say, cut another 12...”
We cut to The Wolf of Wall Street. Where infuriatingly there are no killer werewolves!
“Oz...” Bart groaned.
But there was Wall Street Tony, Fat and Fit Tony’s cousin from Wall Street. He chewed a cigar and spoke in the same voice. However he had to stay within the confines of the law and not engage in Mafia stuff like his cousins.
“This movie does nothing to help people get rich on playing the stocks on Wall Street! It’s just swearing, drugs and sex! And the Feds arrested my character in the end anyway!” said Wall Street Tony.
”And I was under the distinct impression that there were wolves in this movie!!” Oscar ranted.
In Springfield Dan explained to Fit Tony that in order to cut even more expenses he would have to fire mobsters.
Fit Tony took firing/sacking his henchmen to mean, rub them out... kill them in mafia talk. Dan was horrified and got wimpy again.
Then a Bulgarian Lady with glasses too the window seat.
”I uh... don’t know much about Bulgaria.” said Oscar. “Except Great Uncle Bulgaria from the Wombles and man eating horses from when it was called Thrace.”
In the American badlands. Western music plays as giant bugs stampede about.
”Get along little buggies!” said Cowgirl Lisa riding a giant grasshopper. Hugo what have you done?!
”Um... this is probably my sister dreaming...” said Hugo.
“If I may, just one question.” said a grasshopper. “Why are you eating us?!”
”You don’t feel any pain!” said Lisa. That’s stupid Lisa, every creature feels pain...
“Wha?! Who told you that?!” The grasshopper Lisa was riding on gasped.
“Um... I just assumed...” Lisa replied.
”This is what you’ve been dipping in chocolate!” said an ant with a posh accent ripping himself open to show his guts and organs. Eeeeew!
Lisa gasped. “Nooooooooooo!”
”Oh I’m afraid sooooooooooo!” said the posh ant.
“Noooooooooooo!” Lisa screamed.
”Sooooooooooooo!” said the ant in a creepy deep voice.
Lisa woke up in the kitchen gasping. “Oh good, just a dream... Huuuuuuuuuaaaaaah!” she gasped as she was holding a chicken drumstick. “I’ve been meat walking!”
Bart came in and switched on the light.
”Mmmmmmm!” he said and took Lisa’s chicken drumstick and began eating it.
”Bart why are you... Oh yeah you have midnight snacks... that’s a thing in cartoons...” said Lisa. It’s a thing in real life if you’re a night gamer.
”I won’t tell your mother, if you don’t.” said Homer getting food out of the fridge to make a Dagwood sandwich.
”Guys Mom’s right. It’s not healthy to eat this late at night and then go straight back to bed...” said Lisa. “But enough of that. Bart I need your help. Take my grasshoppers far away from me! Release them into the wild! Please!”
“Didn’t you start this bug eating because you couldn’t swallow your iron supplements?” said Bart.
”And now she can’t swallow her own hypocrisy...” said Hugo fetching a plate of fish heads from the fridge.
”Hugo I’m not giving up on being vegetarian!” Lisa snapped. “But I will have to give up eating bugs.”
”Okay I’ll help. But when I’m sleeping on your and Milhouse’s couch drinking your booze and eating your food, you have to be cool about it.” said Bart.
”Fine...” said Lisa.
”And I am not sharing my mini fridge with Homer.” said Bart.
”Dad’s there as well?!” Lisa gasped.
The next morning or later on a twenty four hour clock Bart in his cute green pyjamas was trying to put Lisa’s Vivarium full of grasshoppers through the tiny basement window.
“Almost...” he dropped and smashed the vivarium. The grasshoppers clicked as they escaped. “Oops! Oh well... free is free...” he whistled as he went upstairs to get dressed. The grasshoppers followed him.
”Homer I mean it this time! The dog needs to be spayed/neutered!” Marge nagged Homer.
Suddenly grasshoppers hopped in en mass.
”Oh my!” said Marge.
”It’s the plagues of Egypt! God is pissed!” Oscar screamed.
”Oscar! Language!” Marge scolded him. Homer went to get a glass of tap water. But the water came out bright red...
”Oh my god! He’s right Marge! God is mad!” Homer screamed.
Marge face palmed.
Bart got dressed and left to continue to work out the value of his coin.
”Well?” Bart asked Martin. “Is my coin worth something?”
”Well... this is a bit beyond my knowledge of coin collecting, we need to ask an expert.” said Martin.
Party Posse sighed and went to ask um Comic Book Guy probably. However along the way Nelson wanted to hawk the coin at old people. Oscar wanted to drop it off the needle tower in Seattle like Itchy did. And as they passed a kerb sewer outlet Pennywise, as a green haired Bill Skarsarg Pennywise leapt out and screamed at them.
They screamed and fled the evil clown as he laughed.
”Cousin Pennywise you really need to stop doing that...” Krusty sighed. Yeah he’s related to a fifth dimensional monster.
meanwhile Homer was held hostage by Dan for some reason, crazy between not wanting to kill people and wanting to because he wants to be ruthless because he lost his last job not being ruthless enough.
”Dan you don’t want to murder people.” said Homer.
”Sure he does. Just like I do, because I’m Dark Oscar now...” said Dark Oscar pointing a gun at Homer.
”No you don’t! It’s a perfect storm! said Homer.
”Don’t use that turn of phrase! Grrrr! It is so cliched!” Dan yelled pointing his gun at Homer.
”Aaaaaaagh! I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me! It’s like a storm in a-“ Homer screamed.
”Say something else!” Dan yelled.
”Gahsgthhjjkkooiujhthgblipbliphalamala!” Homer spoke in gibberish.
”Yes the weather is fine today! But that’s besides the point!” Dark Oscar yelled.
”I just want my frisbee back!” Homer cried.
”Uh chief I think Homer is being taken hostage....” said Lou.
”Ugh.... Lou I was sleeping...” Chief Wiggum sighed.
”Chief why did you want to become a cop again?” Lou sighed.
”Adrenaline junky.” said Wiggum.
Then Homer somehow took Dark Oscar and Dan hostage and tied them up in the basement.
”My Dad used to tie me up when the ice cream truck came by because no amount of ice cream could fill me up. Except that time Bart was in an eating contest and I ate too much as a boy before an eating contest and got full.”
Dark Oscar laughed. “That is funny. For some odd reason when I’d usually find my victims dying screams hilarious...”
Dan was um aroused. “Oooooh! Tighter! Oooooh rope burn, mmmmmmm! Oh yeah....”
”Uh can you not enjoy this...” Homer groaned.
”Sorry, I’m in to weird stuff...” said Dan.
”Okay I’ll be back every hour with food and every eight hours with food for you two.” said Homer.
”We’re Hugo now? You monster! Will you ever learn?!” Dark Oscar ranted.
”Shut up, if you’re the evil Oscar you’d like what I’m doing to the freak...”
”No, I’m Oscar’s unbridled rage! I hate your cruelty to Hugo even more!!” Dark Oscar yelled.
”Well that reminds me, Freak! It’s lunch time!” said Homer loudly to upstairs.
Hugo growled in gibberish angrily.
Homer left his hostages until they calmed down.
”Sooooooo... what else are you into...” Dark Oscar asked Dan.
”Inflation, feet... face sitting...” said Dan.
”How about diapers?” Dark Oscar asked wagging his eyebrows.
”No that is weird.” sId Dan.
”Kink shamer...” Dark Oscar muttered annoyed.
A grasshopper arrived.
”Ooooooh look! A friend!” said Dan. Then another. “Oh two!” Then the entire swarm....
”Oh god no....” Dark Oscar winced as they hopped backwards and fell over. The grasshoppers crawled all over them.
”Awwwwww! I’m gonna call you buggy and you- Please don’t crawl in my mouth...” said Dan. The grasshopper went in his mouth. “Okay go in my mouth but don’t lay egg- Uh...” she laid eggs...
Upstairs Homer and Bart watched a programme about horror movie screams. Then Dan screamed.
”Someone else must be watching the same show in the other room! Great show uh Marge? Lisa?” said Homer.
”Uh Dad I think that’s coming from the basement...”
”Ooooooh! Stop making me get up and do things...” Homer whined.
”And now three screams from Scream.” There were three lady screams then Dan screamed.
”That was four screams you idiot! Never work with directors boy,..” said Homer.
”What about Disney’s Ethnic minorities programme?” Bart asked.
”How would you apply for that?!” Homer asked.
”I’m bright yellow and I’m the son of an oaf....” said Bart.
”Why you little!” Homer strangled him. “I hope you like getting coffee for Roy Disney, the third!”
Homer later got lunch for Dark Oscar and Dan.
”I got you lunch... I know you’re hungry... I can hear you rubbing your legs together- Oh my god!!” Homer screamed. The grasshoppers had eaten Dark Oscar and Dan alive, and were crawling over their picked clean bones and shredded clothes. They’re evil grass hoppers... Thanks Lisa and the Higgs Boson powder.
“I would have never thought Homer Simpson would have been part of The Day of the Locust...” said Homer. “Or Moses’s stupid plagues.”
”Let my people go!” Moses yelled waving his stick.
”Get outta here...” Homer yelled.
”That’s it?! Man eating locusts?! Oz that’s really stupid...” Bart groaned.
Oscar’s ghost arrived. “Hey I’m dead and you’re still on my back?!”
”Oh and Ghost Oscar, use Google, you’ll find I was making a media reference... Matt named me after a character in Day of the Locust.” said Homer.
Oscar Googled the novel Day of the Locust and found the Wikipedia article. He screamed with hysterical laughter and promptly vandalised it with Simpsons references. “Ha! You’re right Homeboy.”
”At least that was a reference... ghost boy...” Bart sighed at Oscar’s ghost.
”Hey if we’re ghosts I can possess people and kill from beyond the grave!” said Dan. He possessed Bart. Bart possessed laughed evilly and picked up Dan’s hand gun.
”On your knees...” Dan in Bart’s body demanded.
”Please don’t shoot me boy!” Homer cried.
”I’m not. I just know it takes you ages to get up from being on your knees that I’ll be far away shooting some mobsters...” said Dan possessing Bart.
Bart ran off.
”Oooooooh.” Homer groaned.
Death march played as the jury Fat Tony was part of considered its verdict.
Johnny Tightlips was having his hair cut when a bullet missed him.
”Johnny Tightlips! Give me one goood reason why I shouldn’t kill you!” Dan possessing Bart demanded.
”I have a reason but you’ll never get it out of me! Never!” said Johnny Tightlips.
“On vacation he digs wells in Darfur!” Homer yelled.
”Oooooooooh! Dan groaned.
The squeaky voiced mobster Guy was watching Jeopardy. “Alex Trebek? I remember when you were Alphonse Trebagoogoo!”
Bart pointed a gun at him. But Homer grabbed Bart and threw him forcefully against a wall of Squeaky Guy’s apartment. Dan’s ghost was forced out of him.
”Damn it!” said Dan.
”Oh come on! I wanted to see someone get shot!” Bart whined.
”Oh my god he’s still possessed!” Oscar’s ghost yelled as he picked up a lamp and hit Bart with it.
”Ow! Stop! Ow! Knock it off!” Bart yelled.
”Giant banana of Farnana!” Hugo yelled causing a Deus ex Machina that brought Oscar and Dan back to life.
”That’s original.” said Dan calming down but only briefly as he ran off to kill Legs.
Legs and another mobster were still holding the Luigi’s restaurant hostage for meetings when Dan arrived to shoot them. Homer decided the only way to stop him was to grab the gun off of him.
”Gimme that!” Homer tried to get the gun.
”No it’s mine!” said Dan.
Gimme! No it’s mine! Mine! No mine! Etc.
Suddenly gunfire rang out as Dark Oscar shot Legs and the grey haired Mobster Joey problem dead.
”Oh my god! You killed them!” Homer screamed and fainted.
”I just wanted some spaghetti and breadsticks!” Dark Oscar screamed. He breathed heavily trying to contain his anger.
Marge drove Lisa about with all the locusts/grasshoppers recaptured and put in jars to release properly into the wilderness. Yeah like that’s sensible Lisa!
”Just here Mom.” said Lisa. They stopped. “I think this far enough.” They got out with the jars of locusts.
“Finally a place where you can spread you wings and hop!” said Lisa releasing a plague of locusts!!
They ate a corn maze freeing a family trapped inside.
”We’re free!!” said the mom.
”Now hold on... there was a corner here...” said the Dad.
”David...” said the mom.
”Damn it Judy! Let me have this!” said David.