Not so Final Fantasy The Simpsons discuss their Fanbases strangest but coolest ideas like Final Fantasy Simpsons and Eric Simpson.
The chalkboard gag is “Hugo is not canon.” Yes he is in my fan fictions...
The couch gag is Alvinluvr30 deviously typing away at a computer in the living room of the Simpsons house. When they are caught as the Simpsons and Oscar run in.
“Alviiiiiiiin!” Oscar yells like Dave does to Alvin in Alvin and the chipmunks. Alvinluvr30 sweatdropped and laughed nervously, admitting that a work could never be done as long as the show was on the air.
The episode starts with the Simpsons, minus Bart and Lisa (Bart’s at Catholic Church with Father Liam Neeson. Lisa’s at Richard Gere’s Buddhist temple.) Matt Groening is throwing a tantrum about this.
“Status quo!” He screamed.
Oscar rolled his eyes and ignored him as he went to church with the Simpsons.
The church marquee says “Christmas. It’s easier to spell than Hanukkah.” It also happens to be mid December and snowing.
Jurkle storms up to the marquee. Rips off all the letters and throws them on the floor and stormed off to Synagogue.
The Simpsons minus Bart and Lisa go to church while Homer whines about wanting to stay at home, Marge is exhausted having got up early to look her smartest and get the babies ready as she carries Maggie and Eric.
They sat down and Lovejoy used the sermon to bitch about Bart and Lisa joining other faiths. Embarrassing Marge.
Mavis the sassy black lady went “Mmmmmmhmmmmm! And bobbed her head. “Mmmmmmhhhhhmmmm! We’ve all got time for that!”
Marge sighed. Oscar mimicked doing sassy black lady impressions.
Then there was a giant praying mantis because they are the most religious insects. The mantis was praying.
Marge sighed. The church has been getting zanier members lately.
“And as we come to the end of yet another season. Still with far more episodes than any other long running TV series... we have been through so much this year. From Bart’s cartoon Angry Dad being a highly successful franchise, to Lisa becoming a magician and discovering a drug that makes people’s eyes fall out.” Lovejoy jabbered on.
Homer snores loudly and rudely. Marge glared at him.
Hugo took his shoes and socks off to air his feet because he hates shoes. The stench made Oscar gag and his face turn green in a cartoon fashion as he clutched his mouth trying not to be sick. Hugo smirked.
Then Oscar was on his Mypad editing Homer Scissor Hands. “I can’t adapt this episode! It’s just Homer as a hairdresser! Boriiiiing! I mean it’s obvious! Make it about Homer as Edward Scissor Hands! Mmmmmm.... Johnny Depp... you have so many different characters...” said Oscar.
“Shhhhh! Oscar don’t talk over the sermon!” Marge hushed him.
Oscar frowned and put his Mypad away.
Then he got out his Walkman and listened to music.
Oscar sighed. “I miss Bart when he would bring things he wasn’t supposed to to church...”
After church Homer took them to Church’s Chicken.
“The only church anyone should go to is one that sells fried chicken! Mmmmmmmmmm! Sacrilicious...” said Homer drooling.
Marge sighed. “Homer don’t be so heinous!”
Homer didn’t answer because he was on the phone to Bart and Lisa. “And get your sinful butts over to Church’s Chicken at Klondike S! We’re having brunch there! Pssshhh.... why are my kids such heretics...”
Oscar was hobbling.
“Oscar keep up! What’s wrong with you foot?” Marge asked.
“I’ve got pebbles in my All Stars.” said Oscar. There was a hole in the sole of his right Sneaker. And Robbie Williams sung about it.
“Hole in my soul doofus...” Hugo sighed at the fourth wall.
“Oh my. This time you really need new shoes for church Oscar! And I mean it! I’m putting my foot down!” said Marge.
“I know. And I agree! Unlike you kids I love clothes shopping! Especially for sweaters!” said Oscar.
“No sweaters! Just shoes!” said Marge.
“Okay we’ll go on a shopping spree at Wee Monsieurs...” said Marge.
“Yaaaaaaay!” Oscar cheered.
Eventually Bart and Lisa arrived at Church’s Chicken which I’ve never been in but for laughs it looks exactly like the inside of a church with pews...
“Yeah I got your text Oz that you miss me playing up in church. Well I did get told off by Sister Eunice again...” Bart mentioned off hand that he got in trouble with the nuns at his cathedral and catholic school again.
“Well this is a pious restaurant so control yourself Bart...” said Lisa. She was being a bit sarcastic about it being pious. It annoyed her the restaurant was mocking churches.
Bart to amuse Oscar by annoying Mom, got out things she didn’t let him have in church when he was still Lutheranism/Protestant.
He put in his headphones and listened to rock music on his Walkman.
“Hmmmph!” Marge annoyed confiscated it.
Then Bart got out his laser pen and pointed it so it made a red dot on Hugo’s forehead as he sat in the opposite facing pew eating his bucket of chicken. He stopped eating annoyed he has a red dot on his head.
“Oh my bloody bloody, Amrita your bindi looks beautiful today!” said Oscar doing a racist caricature of an Indian accent.
“Holy crap! A sniper!” Homer dived on Hugo. Hugo yelped in pain from Homer crushing him.
“Homer sit down!” Marge sighed as she confiscated Bart’s laser pen.
Bart got out a troll doll with a tall blue hair style and played with it by dancing it about and singing. “Do do do do... do do be do...”
Marge grunted and confiscated that too. And once again criticised its awful hair style.
Bart then got a paddle and ball and played with it.
Marge confiscated that too.
Bart sighed and got out a Gameboy. It played Tetris sounds.
Marge confiscated that too.
Bart got out his switchblade.
Marge gasped horrified and confiscated that too.
Bart got out a Radio Active Man Comic and read it and laughed at a joke or pun inside it.
Marge confiscated that too. “Mmmmmm! Bart eat your chicken...” she sighed dressed in her green church clothes and hat.
Oscar sighed and continued the gag of having things he shouldn’t have in church.
He got out Betsy the slingshot and aimed at things. Bart confiscated her from him.
Oscar then got out his Leap Pad Leapfrog Jumpstart computer book, that are for preschoolers... he played with it and giggled at the cute cartoon characters inside. Well the artists have been slacking lately. They can draw cute most of the time.
Marge sighed and shut his computer.
Oscar then got out Teddy, his living teddy bear and cuddled him. Bart blushed mortified at his friend being so childish.
“Oz eat your brunch...” Lisa sighed.
Then Marge got a call from Patty and Selma.
“Hey Marge! We’re stuck outside your house like a pair of lemons! Where has the fat man taken you?!”
“Well you two are sour...” Homer retorted in the background.
“Oh my! I forgot! Homer we were supposed to be having my sisters round today early! Everyone you’ll have to eat in the car! Come on! Come on Eric... that bone is not a pacifier...” Marge fussed and hurried everyone.
“And this is why I eat from a bucket.” said Hugo.
“Quiet freak...” said Homer.
Eventually the Simpsons got home and let Patty and Selma in who had been waiting on the street outside their house for some time. They were annoyed about this.
Then Global Warming somehow made it unseasonably warm to the point of a hot summer’s day. In December...
Patty and Selma used the sudden, spontaneous heatwave to go outside and smoke. Bart used the sudden heatwave to play about in just his shorts. Lisa used the sudden hot weather to paint a lovely painting of Patty and Selma in a positive light. It took six months...
Six months later. Now it was summer. And the weather was normal to be pleasant then.
Patty was tired wearing an oven glove and Jub Jub the lizard perched on her arm.
“Lisa I need a rest. Is that okay with you sweetie?” Patty asked.
“Yes Aunt Patty. But I will have to make the painting Renaissance instead of neo classical.” said Lisa.
“Oh you say such sweet things...(snores)” said Selma before the ugly sisters suddenly snoozed and went to sleep.
Bart decided this was a great time to annoy Lisa.
“Hey Lisa I just jumped into your painting! Ruining it!” said Bart posing in front of Patty and Selma.
“Bart, this isn’t a photograph. I’m not just gonna paint you into my-Aaaaagh! I did! And ruined six months work!” Lisa whined as she painted Bart into her painting in his pose.
“Ha! Should have been a year!” Bart laughed.
Lisa growled and in a bad mood she threw her pallet at him but it landed on Patty’s hair. Lisa gasped in horror. She was even more horrified that there were colourful paint stains in her hair.
“Coooool! Reminds me of those cartoon elephant family books where the mom sits on the kids’ paint box and gets colourful squares on her dress!” said Bart.
“Bart this is all your fault! Do something!” Lisa snapped trying not to wake her aunts.
“Oh paint is easy to get out!” said Bart. He picked up a white bottle of a hazardous substance. It was labelled Turpentine.
“Bart careful with that! That’s turpentine!” Lisa warned.
“It only dissolves stains... not people...” said Bart. He poured it on the paint in Patty’s hair. The turpentine dissolved and ate threw Patty’s hair leaving a gaping hole.
Lisa gasped at its destructive power on Patty’s hair.
“Oh shazbot...” said Bart horrified.
“It’s Diiiiiiiip!” Oscar screamed like Jessica Rabbit.
“Aaaaahhhh! Oz don’t remind me of that!” Bart cried.
“Why? Besides that Who framed Roger Rabbit was rather terrifying for a lot of kids.” said Oscar.
“Oz, do you know who does the squeaky sounds of those cute cartoon shoes in that movie...” said Bart.
“Uh...” Oscar replied.
Bart gave him a look that gave him the answer. He was looking right him.
“Oh my god! No... you... you’re...?!” Oscar asked.
“Well my voice actor Nancy is the cartoon shoes. So yes...” said Bart.
“But there were two! And one got dipped! Aghhhhhhhg!” Oscar screamed and cried. “Noooooo! Doom killed Hugo! He killed Hugooooo!” Oscar dashed inside crying.
Homer came out dressed as Edward Scissor Hands.
“Oscar insisted...” Homer sighed with scissors for hands.
Marge was wondering why Oscar was crying.
“Bart what did you do now?” Marge sighed exasperated.
“Nothing! Oscar’s got this notion that because my voice actor was the voice of those cute cartoon shoes in Roger Rabbit... he things the one that got melted was Hugo...” said Bart.
Marge sighed at Oscar getting upset over such odd things.
“Hey there buddy! I’m still alive and well and totally not melted or dissolved.” said Hugo comforting Oscar.
Oscar cheered up and dried his eyes. “Good that puts me in a better mood. A mood to kick Doom’s butt before he can dissolve Hugo shoe!”
“Speaking of shoes, it’s been six months! You really need to go shoe shopping!” said Marge. “Come on!”
“Okay... I’ll get in the car...”
At the shoe shop from the episode The Last Temptation of the Krust/The Passion of the Krust as I’ve called it. Oscar was getting his feet measured by Ol Gil.
Bart made Gil take off his shoes. This meant bending and hurting his back.
“If you didn’t want to take off shoes you shouldn’t have got a job in a shoe shop...” said Bart.
Lisa was in a mood as to why Oscar found Homer Scissor Hands so bad it wasn’t in my fanon. And lying she didn’t wear socks out. “Oh my Mom I forgot to wear socks today!”
“That’s okay dear! You can wear the shop ones!” said Ol Gil taking outa horrid rotten pair of socks.
“Eeeeeeew!” Lisa groaned in disgust.
Hugo threw a tantrum and wouldn’t keep his shoes on. He chucked them at Gil.
“Hugo!” Marge scolded him.
“Marge I need shoes. They can shop elsewhere...” Oscar explained.
“Yes. If you kids don’t like the shoe shop I use you can find your own shoe shop and buy your own shoes!” Marge lectured.
“Fine suits us...” said Bart and Lisa. They left with Hugo.
Like with The Passion of the Krust, Homer was asked to finds distraction to keep him occupied while the kids bought shoes. He had found that parrot in the mall he liked again.
“So I says to Al...” said Homer as Genie.
Iago face palmed with one of his wings and sighed.
Bart winced and tried to ignore him. Bart found his friend Milhouse.
“Hey Bart! Still shopping for shoes at that dork store...” Milhouse chimed in.
“Not anymore pal! I’m finding a new one!” Bart bragged.
“Well check out this one! Jimbo and his gang work here!” said Milhouse.
“Oh cool! Let’s annoy them and make them treat us like kings while their boss is around and the can’t do anything about it!” said Bart.
They went in and immediately annoyed the bullies. Bart was presenting his cute feet in their white socks at Kerney to smell them.
However Bart and Milhouse’s fun ended when the boss said “Ay boys,” the boss was Raphael or one of his clones. “Can I trust you three with the store while I get a coffee? Ah sure I can...” he left.
The bullies turned on Bart and Milhouse...
We cut to Lisa outside the shop seeing Bart and Milhouse in a giant spider web of shoe laces at the shop window. Lisa laughed at them.
At Gil’s, Oscar couldn’t find the shoes he wanted. A shiny black pair that were as shiny as his teddy bear’s big wet shiny black nose.
“See?” said Oscar, honking and squeezing Teddy’s nose. Teddy winced.
“Well unfortunately all that’s available is what’s here Oz.” said Marge.
“Marge, we both agree I need shoes for church and other formal engagements. But I want shiny shoes!” said Oscar.
“And how are you going to get some if Gil doesn’t have them...” Marge sighed.
“I know a shop that does." said Oscar, putting on his sneakers.
They were in a quirky store with all sorts of things on the shelves and walls as well as shoes.
There were school ruck sacks for very young kids with a chibi Doctor with Ryoko from Tenchi hair and a head mirror cartoon doctor’s wear.
A rucksack with a cartoon chipmunk with a red shiny nose.
And a yellow skateboard with a badass design on it of a snarling monster.
“Ah! Perfect!” exclaimed Oscar, finding some shiny black shoes that were as shiny as Teddy’s nose. Teddy seeing his distorted reflection in them made silly faces.
However the shoes were pricey. Marge sighed as she reluctantly paid for them and black shoe polish and a cloth to maintain them.
Then as promised, she took Oscar on a shopping spree at Wee Monsieur.
Bart having escaped the shoe lace spider web Jimbo put him in sighed as Oscar went to that geeky clothes shop he hated because it was geeky.
Later at home, Oscar was modeling his smart clothes and shiny black shoes. Teddy annoyed, polished his nose to keep it shiny.
“Oz, when you’re done being a geek, you have some fan base material to get through.” said Bart.
Oscar made a face at him and took the material to read.
“Eric fan art. Yup. I’m definitely in the Eric fan club!” said Oscar, looking at pictures of fan art of Eric a few years older, at about Lisa’s age.
Baby Eric, the blue haired child of Marge and Homer Simpson, gurgled and cooed. “Goo!”
“Yes Eric... Goo...’ said Oscar.
Then he got some sad fan art from an artist who kept killing off the Simpsons.
“Uh.... no...” he rejected that. But the next fan art was a great idea. It was Bart Lisa and older Maggie as Final Fantasy characters. Maggie’s weapon was a blue version of the Way to the Dawn key blade.
“That is so cool! I love final fantasy!” said Oscar.
“Meh... I want simple fighting games. I can’t be dealing with story telling and gimmicks in RPGs...” said Bart. “Okay... the role playing is cool when I’m the Shadow Knight...” said Bart sighing.
“Well I love RPGs!” said Oscar.
A change of scene later, Bart, Lisa, Oscar and a slightly older Maggie were in a fantasy world of an RPG game. Bart had a long red fighting staff, Lisa had a blue claymore, Maggie had a sword and Oscar had a Mage’s staff from Kingdom Hearts.
Bart sniffed something.
“What is it Bart?” Lisa asked.
“Hopefully not anymore malboros.” said Oscar.
Bart was digging at conspicuous ground. He dug up some truffles.
“Truffles! I forgot you were our truffle pig a few months ago!” said Lisa.
“You’re a truffle pig!” Bart insulted her.
“Well you’re a... a... well you’re a Marlboro!” Lisa retorted.
Suddenly they heard Luigi the Italian restaurant owner. “Come on nub nose! Find me a truffle!”
He was with Spider Pig.
“I have what you’re looking for!” said Lisa handing over the truffle to Luigi.
“Thank you kindly! As usual here is what we agreed per truffle.” said Luigi paying Lisa for th truffle. “But pray where is your truffle pig?” He asked.
“You’re looking at him!” said Bart boasting.
“Ha! You’re a pig!” Oscar insulted him and laughed.
“A human pig?! Thank you Lord for this abomination!” said Luigi.
Bart squinted at him as if he had said something weird. “Noooo... I am not some hybrid freak... I just have a great-“ Bart was about to explain when suddenly his nose morphed into a pig snout.
“Oh my god Bart! Look in this mirror!” Lisa gave him the hand mirror that gives advice. Bart saw that he now had a yellow pig snout. He screamed.
“Aaaaaaaagh! What’s happening to me!” Bart cried. Then Dr Hibbert’s arm shot out of the mirror and clocked him sharply on the chin. (Punched him) “Oof!”
“We really need to get going to the nearest town to stock up on supplies.” said Oscar as the group’s mage.
“Uh huh. Hopefully we’ll find a sorceress to fix Bart’s problem...” said Lisa as Bart got up and was rubbing his bruised chin. Then he was pressing and squashing his snout hoping that would turn his nose back to normal.
The four kids arrived at the nearest town. It had a castle that had suffered a recent attack and had holes blasted through it during the invasion. The town blamed the attack on some spoony bards.
“You spoony bard! Die!” said an angry old man at some spoony bards.
Bart, Lisa, Oscar and Maggie rolled their eyes.
Then they met the main antagonist. A deranged court jester with enough authority over the town guards that they obey him without question. Also he was portrayed by Sideshow Bob.
The court jester laughed a trademarked laugh Square would use as a reoccurring sound effect.
“That’s supposed to be Kefka Palazzo right...” said pig snout Bart.
Then they encountered a silver haired man with a huge katana and whenever he was on screen he had his own theme tune of ominous Latin singing. He was insisting that his mother was the alien mutant life form attacking the town along with lots of fire breathing fire elemental creatures called Bombs.
“That’s Sephiroth and the mutant alien thing is Jenova.
Then the encounter a tree. But he wasn’t actually a tree as he looked nothing like a tree. He looked more like a huge knight in shining armour.
“I am Exdeath!! And yes I am a tree!” said Exdeath. Birds land on him. “Guys! Can you give me five minutes?!” He yelled annoyed at the birds.
“Prove it.” said Oscar.
“Fine you insolent little!” Exdeath turned into a tree. A large extravagant tree in spring blossoms.
“Daddy!” Young Link squealed and hugged ExDeath in tree form.
Bart sweat dropped.
Luckily for the young heroes, Sephiroth, Kefka and Exdeath were not interested in them. Allowing them safe passage way on their quest.
“Our current quest is to find an onion knight.” said Oscar.
“What’s an onion knight?” asked Bart with a pig snout.
“Looks sort of like a little kid in a helmet and fancy red material and ribbons and armour as their costume.” said Oscar.
Eventually they found said onion knight. He asked them to find the legendary sword Excalibur. Oscar found in a stone, a legendary looking sword.
“No that’s Excalipoor. You’re looking for Excalibur. You’ll know when you see it because it looks far more ornate than this rather plain looking sword.” said the onion knight examining Excalipoor.
“I think I’ve found it, but Prince Arthur (Wart) won’t hand it over.” said pig snout Bart. Wart/Prince Arthur from Disney’s The Sword in the Stone would not hand over Excalibur.
“Don’t I get any lines?” Slightly older Maggie asked.
“No; because everyone talks over you or interrupts you.” said Oscar. “We don’t even have a voice actor for you except for baby cries and babbling.”
“Um... James Earl Jones?” Bart suggested.
“No that’s disturbing. I was going more for Jodie Foster” said Oscar.
“I find your lack of faith disturbing.” said Maggie in Darth Vader’s voice.
“Mags no!” Bart whined.
Eventually they found the gypsy from Treehouse of Horror XII, Hex and the City.
She saw Bart had a pig snout.
“Ah a curse you appear to be cursed with. How is that curse? Kirsty?” said the gypsy laughing.
“Not funny...” said Oscar.
She agreed for a price, to undo Bart’s pig snout curse. Some pieces of silver.
Luckily monsters dropped silver pieces and gold pieces when killed.
They killed Marlboros until they got enough silver to appease the gypsy. However when they got back she was making out, passionately with her husband the leprechaun.
“Oh me Jesus! Come ere you! Kiss me I’m Irish!”
“Eeeeeeew!” Bart, Lisa, Maggie and Oscar groaned.
Eventually after giving the gypsy privacy to make out with her husband, the gypsy removed the curse on Bart that gave him a pig snout.
“Phew!” said Bart checking his nose to feel that it was back to normal.
They said their goodbyes to the gypsy and left.
Then they had to put their role play on hold because...
“Kids get ready for church!” said Marge. They had RPed all night till Saturday or Sunday morning when they had church.
“And Buddhist temple...” said Lisa.
“And Lisa you have your heathen temple to go to...” Marge sighed.
“And cathedral...” said Bart.
“And you have to get to cathedral Bart...” Marge sighed.
Meanwhile in the Final Fantasy world fans of the Simpsons especially from Deviantart had Bart, Lisa and slightly older Maggie travel through time to fight Wainwright Burns to save Virgil the Slave.