Naturepants is the ninth episode in my fanon. It is loosely based on The Call of The Simpsons. Homer, jealous of Ned's RV goes and buys one himself and takes the family on a road trip, but they crash in the forest.
- Dan Castellana as Homer Simpson
- Julie Kavner as Marge Simpson
- Yeardley Smith as Lisa Simpson
- Nancy Cartwright as Bart Simpson
- Hank Azaria
- Harry Shearer
- Tress MacNeille
- Phil Hartman
- Eileen Stevens as Oscar Tamaki
The chalkboard gag is “Garlic gum is not funny.” Ace the vampire is sick from garlic poisoning.
Bart is mowing the lawn with an old rusty lawn mower and moaning about it. Rod drives by their shared fence in a luxury rideable mower. Bart is jealous of the lawn mower and whines about it.
”Howdy Bart! Hot enough for ya?” Rod asked.
”Shut up Flanders...” said Bart.
“Man! Rusty old hunk of junk!” Bart mutters as he pushes the rotary lawnmower about.
"Dad can't we get a real lawnmower like the Flanderses?" Bart whined.
"Quiet boy." Homer told him to shut up. “Do I look like I can afford a fancy new lawnmower?! You should be happy with what you’ve got! Not wanting to be like the Flanders...”
Suddenly Ned pulls up in a luxury RV and modestly shows his pride for it. Bart and Homer gasp at it.
”Wow! What an RV!” said Bart in awe.
”Bart!” Homer snapped at him. He won’t let him speak for some reason. Especially if it is to the Flanderses. “Well... I suppose it has all the features...” said Homer.
”Oh yessiroonie!” Ned replied going on about the features. Ie a cable TV, a deep fat fryer etc.
”Big deal... Ben’s Grampa has an RV...” said Oscar.
”Oz it’s the nineties. Ben 10 isn’t a thing yet...” Bart sighed.
Homer sees a satellite dish on the RV. “Oooooooh! A satellite dish!”
”Yessiree! Thousands of channels! All locked out of course to protect my boys! Only the Christian channel for them!” said Ned.
Oscar rolled his eyes.
”Mr Simpson. You dropped your pork chop.” Todd squeezed a pork chop Squeaky toy. It squeaked.
”Gimme that!” Homer snapped and took the squeaky toy pork chop. It squeaked.
Oscar tells Ned the bible frowns upon having material goods. Especially ones that make work easy. Ned, horrified, asks Homer to take everything off of him. He also says that pride/showing off wealth is a deadly sin.
"Oh my! Homer please be a good neighbour and get rid of these sinful indulgences of mine!" said Ned.
"Certainly Ned!" said Homer grinning.
"Homer! Oscar!" Marge scolded Homer for taking Ned's things and Oscar for deliberately using the bible and Ned's faith to trick him.
Meanwhile Zeus, Greek God of the sky and ruler of the gods of Olympus arrived at a place selling RVs with his wife, Hera, goddess of marriage. Athena goddess of wisdom standing in for Lisa. Zeus’s love child Heracles standing in for Bart. And err... Baby Artemis...
Zeus and Hera are arguing because they argued a lot. Especially over Zeus having sex with mortal women.
A cowboy RV salesman arrived and greeted them warmly.
”Howdy folks!” said the cowboy.
”See Hera, polite and endearing as usual...” said Zeus whispering to his wife.
Hera sighed and and with a thought, a lady in the background walking about turned into a gorgon.
”It’s obvious but I’ll ask anyway. You’re here to buy an RV right?” said the cowboy.
”Yes, bigger than my house please! Which is pretty big!” said Zeus.
”I hear you have something that’s bigger than the behemoth.” said Athena.
The cowboy chuckled. “Then you’ll be wanting the Ultimate Behemoth!” He showed a giant RV.
Oooooooooh!” Zeus and his family gasped.
”Gee I was looking for an ultimate chimera.” said Oscar being moronic.
Lucas from Earthbound 2/Mother 3 winced as an ultimate chimera was skulking about.
”I’ll take it!” said Zeus.
The cowboy chuckled. “I like you partner! I really do!” And here’s why Homer is now Zeus... “I don’t know why... You’re not Greek are you?”
”Yes, why?” Zeus asked.
”You look like a god or something!” said the cowboy.
Now Zeus chuckled.
”Hohohoho! You don’t know who I am! Do you?” Zeus laughed.
”Should I?” The cowboy asked.
”I am a god. In fact I am the almighty Zeus! King of the gods and lord of the sky!” Zeus boomed. It was fairly obvious he was Zeus because he had a wispy white beard and was wearing a toga.
The cowboy showed them inside.
”Ooooooooh!” The Greek gods gasped.
”Ay carumba!” Hercules/Heracles gasped.
”Dude that’s my line stop negating scenes with moronic stuff...” Bart groaned. No you’re Hercules now!
”Does it have a satellite dish?” Heracles asked.
The cowboy chuckled. “Zeus the almighty, you can tell your son it has a satellite dish...”
”Uh, I don’t really like to tell mortals that Heracles is my extramarital son... my wife is still furious with me....” said Zeus as Hera glared at him.
”Does it have its own deep fat fryer?” Athena asked.
”It has four, one for each part of the chicken...” said the cowboy.
”Mmmmmmmmmm.... chicken...” said Oscar drooling.
The god Zeus is in Bob’s office talking when Grampa Max, Gwen and Ben arrived because Grampa Max owns an RV, the rust bucket.
”Excuse me, more customers. And that means more money for me! Hoohoohooeeeeey!” said Bob going out to greet Grampa Max.
”What a nice Mortal!” said Zeus.
Hera glared at him.
In canon Homer couldn’t afford the Ultimate Behemoth and bought a crappy RV.
Homer takes the family on a vacation to the national park.
Bart doesn't want to go and Oscar breaks the fourth wall telling the animators to stop the annoying sappy music. (Seriously, it's annoying.) They drive off to Ned waving at them.
On the freeway Bart and Lisa are playing what's that odour.
”A turkey farm.” said Bart.
”No.” said Lisa.
"A skunk." said Bart.
”No.” said Lisa.
”A slaughter house.” said Bart.
”No.” said Lisa.
”Oh I know! My diapee!” said Oscar.
"Kids what are you playing?" Marge asks.
"We're playing what's that odour?" said Bart. He sniffed. "Dad's feet?
"Bart!" Homer yelled.
"Close but not smelly enough." said Lisa.
"Lisa!" Homer yelled.
"What Dad?" Lisa asked.
"Nothing just go back to your smelling game." said Homer.
Then they hit a traffic jam. Homer groaned and decided to drive into the woods to take a shortcut suddenly cheery music played! Doo de doooo! Doo de dooooo!
Oscar was singing along to the music!
"Oscar stop singing!" Homer yelled. Oscar stopped and sulked.
”Homer! Let him sing!” Marge snapped.
"Homer I don't think this is the way to the park." said Marge reading a map.
"Rrrrrtz! Maps..." Homer made a noise to show his disapproval of maps.
"I really think you should pull over and ask for directions." said Marge.
"Relax. It's an all terrain vehicle!" said Homer.
The cheery theme played again as Homer drove into the river.
"Mom! There's a carp swimming around my leg!" Lisa whined.
"Homer! You're driving in the river! Get out of it!" Marge yelled.
Homer sighed and drove out of the river. He was driving while whistling to the cheery music.
"Hey how comes you get to whistle to the music..." Oscar whined.
"Quiet boy." Homer growled.
Homer isn't watching the road and they nearly drive off a cliff. Luckily they get out, but the RV falls off the cliff and blows up. Lisa says, "The Simpsons have entered the forest." Then really sad music plays. (Seriously, it's really sad!)
They then get their bearings. Maggie is scared of something and shivers.
“What’s wrong with stinky?” Homer asked.
“She’s scared Dad.” said Lisa. “Look Maggie! Birdies!” Lisa points at some rather big birds circling over ahead. Buzzards/vultures.
Marge mumbles in concern. She mumbles a lot early on in the series.
Home then laments the situation he has put his family in. “Oh it’s no use! No spare clothes, no tent not food! I’ve murdered us all!”
“Murdered us all! Murdered us all! Murdered us all!” said his echo.
“Shut up!” Homer yelled angrily at the echo.
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” said the echo.
“D’oh!” Homer groaned.
“D’oh oh oh oh oh!” Went the echo.
“Hmmmmmmmm!” Marge grumbled in annoyance at his silliness.
”I have a five hour energy drink and a jar of Nutella.” said Oscar.
”Yeah that’s real helpful Oz...” said Bart sarcastically.
”I also bought these.” Oscar dumps books on the ground. “100 Different Moose Calls ... Travel by the Stars... Official History of the Can Opener!” (chuckles) “But I didn’t bring a can opener or cans! Gahahahaha!”
Bart face palmed.
“I had no disagreement with Barbra Streisand. I was merely exasperated at her tendency to be a complete megalomaniac.” said Homer. The Walter Matthau quotes is because Dan based his voice for Homer originally on Walter Matthau by grumbling and mumbling. Then Matt wanted Homer to be silly and stupid...
“I got, uh, brown sandwiches and, uh, green sandwiches. Which one do you want?” Oscar also had sandwiches. Some had gone mouldy...
”Eeeeeeew!” Lisa groaned.
“It’s either very new cheese or very old meat.” said Oscar looking at one of his mouldy sandwiches.
”Eeeeeeew!” Lisa groaned.
The Simpsons set up camp.
This is season one so Homer goes on long diatribes rather than saying funny things.
”Blah Blah Blah! (Jokes that go over my head. Stupid Walter Matthau references...)” said Homer.
”Well I want to talk about random things like laser eyed mutant alligator men!” said Oscar.
”Quiet boy!” Homer barked.
Oscar answered back rudely. “Screw you! Fat man!”
“Then don’t come to my house and eat my potato chips.” Homer snapped.
”Boys don’t argue...” Marge sighed.
So to add some humour Homer and Marge after setting up a makeshift shelter of sticks wanted to have private time. Bart and Lisa knew and went off for a few minutes. Oscar stood there holding his teddy bear staring at Marge and Homer.
”Oz please... private moment...” Marge sighed.
“What Marge wants to talk about Oz is... our private time.” Homer sighed.
“Our private time? But Homer, I love our private time! Why I even love our private time when Bart is with us too!” said Oscar nuzzling Teddy/Eskimo kissing him.
”Oz!” Homer snapped!
”Okay! Okay! I’ll go in the woods and look at a bird or something!” Oscar sighed as he left Homer and Marge to have sex...
Later the kids come back.
”We’ll try to get supplies.“ Said Homer going off with Oscar and Bart. Ie forage for food.
”Dad remember to follow the North Star...” said Lisa.
”That’s nice dear but we’re not in astronomy class!” said Homer.
Bart, Homer and Oscar go off to gather supplies. Maggie follows them.
Bart is worried about the forest so Homer explains things.
“And remember not to act afraid. Animals can smell fear and they don't like it.” said Homer.
Oscar thought he said beer, not fear.
”Well they won’t be interested in you then, Boozer...” said Oscar.
”I said fear! Not beer!” Homer yelled.
They don't know Maggie is following them and think a jaguar is after them. They run away, but fall into a ravine. Homer surfaces in a lake and calls for Bart “Bart? Bart?” He gurgles while swimming under water to find Bart and sees Bart's red cap and thinks the worst.
“Oh no my only son is gone! Why God?! Whyyyyyyyy!” Homer cries.
Hugo is swimming in the background.
“Don’t have a cow man.” said Bart’s voice.
“Bart? You’re alive! And hehehe! Naked!” Homer giggles because Bart’s naked.
Peter Shepherd screams in terror at the sight of a Bart naked. Bart blushes and holds his groin embarrassed. “Oh shoot!”
“Hey you’re naked too Homeboy!” said Bart.
Homer grunts annoyed but then sees the funny side. He does a Tarzan yell and chuckles.
But Bart is alive, but naked. Embarrassed, they realise they need cloths.
Back at camp. Marge notices Maggie has gone missing, but for some reason isn't bothered and is busy putting the squirrels in a line. (Early episode weirdness)
“Now you squirrels stay nice and still for the camera.” Marge is taking photos.
The squirrels roll their eyes.
“Mom...” Lisa sighed.
Marge was then polishing the camp and tidying up.
“It’s been given the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.” said Marge.
Lisa sighed exasperated.
Meanwhile, Maggie encounters a bear who growls at her, but she sticks a pacifier in his mouth. The bear takes her back to his cave with other bears and convinces the bears not to harm her.
Oscar breaking the fourth wall again whines that he wanted the bears.
“Shut up boy.” Homer grumbled annoyed at his comments.
Homer finds some material to make them some leaf skirts to cover their nudity.
“But I like being naked! Everyone can see my bum and my dinky!” Oscar grinned with a black censor bar over his genitals.
“Fine, be naked see if I care...” said Homer.
"Some leaves, ah! Poison ivy! It burns!" said Homer picking the wrong kind of leaf.
"So that's what your wiener looks like..." said Oscar to Bart.
"Oscar! Don't look at it?!" Bart yelled.
"Some mud, oh! And some moss for me." said Homer.
They came out of the bushes wearing leaf skirts.
"This feels like a Tracey Ullman short." said Bart.
"Bart!" Homer yelled.
They’re walking and walking and walking...
Bart rolls his eyes at the fourth wall.
“Through here, boy. Back to civilization.” said Homer.
”How do you know?“ Bart asked
”When you're an experienced woodsman like me, you get a feel for these things. It becomes natural, like a third sense.” said Homer.
”Sixth sense you moron...” said Oscar.
Homer growled and throttled him.
”Dad no! You’re strangling a baby!” Bart yelled.
HOmer then tries to catch something to eat. He is making a snare with a young sapling.
”What are we gonna do? Hang ourselves...” Bart asked.
”No... because we’re not black...” said Oscar.
”Oz what the hell is wrong with you?!” Bart yelled.
“Boys quit arguing!” Homer snapped. He folded up a young sapling into a snare.
They his and watched a rabbit arrive.
Homer cooed as it took the bait.
The rabbit was on the snare eating.
”Gotcha!” said Homer victorious.
However Homer fails miserably When the rabbit gets catapulted across the forest.
“Okay plan B. I’ll walk into those bushes making a lot of noise flushing out the creatures. When something runs out. You step on it. Okay?”
”Yup!” said Bart.
Homer fails miserably and gets attacked by wild animals when he goes into a bush to flush them out.
Homer screaming while being bitten by rabbits, squirrels and raccoons.
Meanwhile the bears gather toys for Maggie. Including a bottle of milk from a noisy father showing off.
“Darling I think this holiday was a waste of time. I haven’t seen anything. Not even a squirrel...” said the noisy husband.
“Well the brochure says we should look out for bears!” sId the wife.
“Let me show ya how many bears are out here. Hey bears! Come on now! Have a donut? No forget it! Have me! Come and get it!”
“Alright! Alright! You’ve made your point!” The lady yelled making her husband sit down.
“Pfffff! Bears...” said the husband.
A bear stole their creepy looking baby’s milk bottle.
There is a montage of the bears collecting toys for Maggie. She picks up a bottle of milk and drinks it.
Elsewhere with Homer, Bart and Oscar.
”Dad I think we need to find material to make better clothes than leaf skirts. I’m getting poison ivy burns...” said Bart.
”Quiet boy!” Homer snapped.
“Well as much as I like being naked I don’t have to be. Because all the cute forest creatures have spare diapers for me. For some reason.” said Oscar. He whistled and a green curious bear cub appeared with a diaper in his mouth fresh from a packet of diapers.
Oscar took the diaper and taped it upon himself.
They walked and walked and walked. In the green forest um forest.
Oscar whined because he was exhausted.
Bart cheered him up by making faces at him.
“The hell’s so funny?” Homer snapped.
“I was just cheering him up Dad! He’s only a baby!” Bart replied defensive.
A butterfly appeared.
”Bubbfwy!” Oscar ran after it.
”D’oh!” Bart and Homer groaned.
Elsewhere Marge and Lisa were doing extremely well and had started a fire successfully and gathered some wild food that was safe to eat. Because Lisa’s smart.
”Chanterelles, seps, No Mom, that’s a Death cap...” said Lisa.
Eventually Bart found Oscar but lost Dad.
“Great. You had to chase the butterfly.” Bart scolded him.
“Yes, I had to chase the butterfly.” Oscar sighed annoyed and cranky.
He looked around at the beautiful flowers and forest, taking it all in. “I came out here to observe nature. What did you come out here for? “
“Dad made us come out here.“ Bart sighed.
Eventually they found Homer.
Elsewhere Marge tidied up the camp some more. Lisa picked out anything poisonous she gathered.
”That’s another death cap... that’s poison ivy. Those purple berries are poisonous...”
Meanwhile the boys are walking about and Baby Oscar coaxes some green curious bear cubs from Happy Little Elves to bring him toys. The green bear cubs bring him toys by carrying them in their mouths.
Oscar gurgles and squeezes the green bear cub’s shiny nose. It squeaked like a toy. He giggled.
“Hurry up idiot or we’ll leave you behind!” Homer yelled at him.
Oscar stuck his tongue out at him and went off on his own.
“Where are you going?” Homer seized the back hem of his disposable diaper.
”Away from you.” Oscar said annoyed and sour.
”No way Jose! You wouldn’t last a day in these woods alone...” said Homer yanking on his diaper.
Oscar sighed and followed Homer.
“Well my feet are getting rather tired.” said Peter, the only male in their group still fully clothed in his orange t shirt, purple trousers and black sneakers. There is a slimy squidgy suction sound of him walking in thick mud. “What’s going on?” He finds himself up to his ankles in thick mud. Suddenly there is inhuman groaning as muddy arms reach out of the bubbling bog like mud and drag him down into the mud. Peter screams as he sinks in the quicksand like living mud.
“Ay carumba! Night of the living mud!” Bart yells.
“Peter! Don’t struggle! You’ll only sink faster!” said Oscar.
“Get me outta this gunk!” Peter growls trying to keep still.
“Homer reaches out to pull Peter out.
“No Homer don’t ever do that near-“ Homer is yanked into the bog by a mud monster’s arm. “Living mud...” said Oscar.
“Throw is a vine or something then! Smarty pants!” Homer yelled.
Oscar sweated and wet his diaper aroused by them sinking in the bog mud.
“Hurry Oz!” said Peter nearly submerged in the mud.
Oscar threw a vine lasso and pulled them out but they were too heavy.
“Use a tree!” said Homer as he and Peter disappear under the sinking mud. Oscar uses a tree like a pulley and wraps a vine round it and pulls.
He successfully rescues Homer and Peter from the bog not realising he’s peeing.
A mud monster desperately tries to grab Peter’s foot.
“Are you guys alright?” Bart asked.
“Yeah just a little muddy. Are you alright Oscar’s friend?” Homer asked Peter.
Peter screamed looking at his muddy appearances.
Oscar got aroused by muddy Peter.
“Don’t look!” Peter his behind a bush.
“Why?” Bart asked.
“Because I’m naked! That goop ate my clothes off?” Peter yelled.
“Last time I checked mud monsters don’t eat clothes. Well they might eat Bart’s shorts.”
“No Oz.” said Bart.
“Peter you’re not naked. You’re still wearing clothes it’s just that they’re really muddy at the moment.” said Bart.
“Yup! You thought MudBoy was naked?” asked Mudboy standing in the bog.
“Kinda. Aren’t all mud monsters naked?” Oscar asked.
“No silly! Mudboy wear underwear!” Mudboy took off his muddy underpants.
“Now you’re naked...” said Oscar.
That night Marge and Lisa sleep comfortably. In contrast Homer, Bart and Oscar are cold and terrified. Maggie is comfortable though with her new bear family.
Teddy would not allow Oscar to suffer alongside Bart and Homer for Homer’s poor survival skills.
He was a cartoon full sized Male bear. Or the boar.
He picked up Baby Oscar.
“A hug is always the right size.” He said grinning as he hugged Oscar.
The next morning, Marge wonders where Bart and Homer are. Meanwhile Homer finds a beehive. Hive means honey! And bees...
“Look! Honey!” said Homer delighted as he was hungry.
”Uh Homer... bees...” said Bart.
The bees sting Homer and he runs away trying to find water. He then scares off a deer and falls into deep mud. (Like quicksand). The mud makes him look like a Bigfoot and that scares away the photographer because Homer is yelling gibberish.
A park ranger rescues Marge and Lisa and warns them a Bigfoot has been spotted.
Muddy Homer ran around screaming gibberish and scaring everyone.
At the beehive.
”Teddy what are bees for...?” said Oscar annoyed by a bee bothering him.
“The only reason for being a bee is to make honey. And the only reason for making honey is so I can eat it.” said Teddy.
Bart rolled his eyes.
Homer and Bart find Maggie, but the bears nearly attack until Maggie convinces them to leave Bart and Homer alone.
”Eep! Nice grizzlies! Good grizzlies...” Homer gulped.
”Nice grizzlies!” Bart quivered scared.
”Praise the grizzlies son.” said Homer.
Oscar prostrated and bowed in prayer. “All hail the bears!”
“Not in that way you ninny! Get up!” Homer yelled.
The bears eventually leave them alone.
Maggie waves tearfully goodbye to the bears.
Hunters mistake Homer for a Bigfoot and try to subdue him. They're about to shoot him when wild animals, led by Oscar, attack! The family reunite and Lisa remarks that Homer smells bad.
A stray tranquilliser dart hits Homer.
”Dad!” said Bart as a Homer was sleepy from the dart.
”Avenge me, son. Avenge my death.” said Homer before snoring.
Bart rolled his eyes.
However because Oscar said so, he puts muddy strips on his cheeks as camouflage and becomes Rambo and kills the fuck out everyone with Vietnam booby traps, a Bowie knife and a bow.
Back home, Ned says he's had a change of heart upon reading that the bible rewards hard work and wants his RV back. The Simpsons laugh nervously.
That evening Homer after having a long shower to wash off all the mud watches a programme of scientists discussing the sighting of him as Bigfoot. They can't agree if it is a man or a beast.
"Pfffff! Eggheads! What do they know...." Homer switched off the TV. His wife called him her brilliant beast and kissed him good night and they went to sleep. Then they had weird dreams.
Homer dreamt he was in a science lab in a glass chamber naked being examined and fed raw pork chops.
He is growling while eating. "Can I have some apple sauce?" said Homer.
Then Bart had a weird dream.
Bart was swinging through the forest wearing just a leaf skirt. He gets chased by an angry Bigfoot that vaguely resembles Homer, watches his feral Dad fail to catch animals to eat and watches him get mauled by rabbits and raccoons and squirrels.
Then Bart encounters vicious bears that growl at him. However he's insane friend Oscar, also wearing a leaf skirt turns them into Curious Bear Cubs from Happy Little Elves. A green cartoon bear cub sniffs Bart and he grimaces as the bear cub sniffs him.
Bart then finds a beehive and gets honey from it. However angry bees attack him.
Bart screams and runs away with bees chasing him.
Then he falls into some deep slimy and smelly mud.
"Ugh! What is this muck?! Quicksand?!" Bart whined wading about in the mud.
Bart then has a bath in a lake to wash off the mud.
The next day.
Marge had taken a call from the school.
The kids were eating breakfast.
”Bart that was the school. Thanks to government meddling they’ve relented and are willing to let you re attend.” said Marge.
Bart was annoyed he had a school to go to again. But hopefully his parents would stop giving him the cold shoulder and coldly saying goodnight to him because they were annoyed over his tattoo.
”I’m still annoyed you got that tattoo Bart.” Marge said sharply.
But Bart’s Mother Tattoo was there to stay.
Elsewhere as Bart and Lisa got ready for school. Dino did not like Oscar’s hat.
Oscar was wearing a fruit hat or a turban or something.
Dino, his baby Chomby-resembling cartoon dinosaur barked and yapped angrily.
"Simmer down, Dino boy... you should realize it's just a hat." said Oscar.
Bart groaned while eating his breakfast.
”Oz it’s not even past seven hours yet! Tell him the heel!”
”Okay! That hat is gone!” Oscar banished the hat to hammer space.
Oscar was playing in the mud wearing a very stinky and poopy diaper. Dino arrived carrying a clean diaper in his mouth.
This episode takes place entirely away from the Simpsons house.