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My Mother the Carjacker Marge wins a t shirt from finding an embarrassing blooper in the newspaper and Homer is jealous and wants one too. However in his failed attempts to find bloopers he finds a secret message to him in an article about a giant pizza. However when he sneaks out at night to find the mysterious messenger they turn out to be, his mom!

Plot[]

The Simpsons are in the garden one hot day when Marge had news.

"Come inside! I have something to show you!" said Marge.

The kids went to follow her.

"Wait! It's a trap! There could be chores in there! Or a dentist!" Homer yelled.

"Oh for crying out loud! Everyone inside now! I'll use the hose!" said Marge annoyed. The kids except Oscar instinctively went inside.

"It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!" said Oscar before getting squirted.

"Oscar stop quoting Buffalo Bill..." Bart sighed.

Marge chased Homer round the garden trying to squirt him.

Eventually everyone was in the lounge.

"Tah dah!" Marge had a T Shirt with the words Oops! On it. "I found this amusing typo in the newspaper and wrote in and won a free T shirt!" The newspaper read: Mayor Unviels Erection In Front Of Crowd.

"Wow Mom!" said the kids.

"I even got on the news!" said Marge.

On the news headed by Kent Brockman he announced sometime had won the Oops Patrol prize. "Our very own Marge Simpson, for finding this hilarious typo! Well done Marge! You win a free T shirt!" said Kent on the morning news Marge had taped.

"Hot damn!" said Bart.

"Bart! You're not at school! Watch your language!" Marge told him off.

”Anyway in other news, some British kid called Bernard confiscated my stopwatch that stops time from the last Treehouse of Horror.” said Bart.

”Oz, no one in America gets that reference...” Lisa sighed.

...

Marge went about town wearing her shirt. Everyone was in awe of it. One person even tried trading their pretzel for it.

"Sorry, people but I'm keeping this shirt. Perhaps you'll all win an Oops! Patrol t shirt one day!" said Marge.

Everyone cheered.

Later Homer was in the bedroom trying to wear the shirt, however it was too small for him.

Marge came him.

"Homer!" She gasped. "Get your own shirt!" She took it off of him but he had stretched it. She grumbled angrily.

At lunch.

"Okay everyone, get ready to laugh..." said Homer. He took out some cards with newspaper clippings stuck to them. "Brantford Man Missing. What's he missing? His shirt?! Ha?"

Nobody laughed.

“Homer, that’s not funny...” Peter Shepherd said frowning.

Oscar giggled. “Jumanji...”

"Okay, too soon... How about Drought threatens to turn west into dessert? Why yes I would like some whipped cream on my Wyoming! Yum yum!" said Homer.

"Dad, that says desert..." Bart replied dryly.

"And those poor farmers are suffering!" said Lisa.

"From what?! Hot Fudge?!" Homer asked expecting a laugh. "Ha?" But none came. "Come on boy show your old man some support!"

"Don't drag me down with you old man!" Bart glared st him.

...

At bed time Homer was wide awake looking at newspaper clippings.

"Gotta win that shirt! Gotta win that shirt!" said Homer. "Wow my brain goes weird when I haven't had much sleep..." words on the newspaper clippings glowed.

Homer giggled. "Nah, that's not that funny." He read another. "That can go on the maybe pile..."

Suddenly he saw his name spelt out in the first letters of each line in an article about a giant pizza.

"Marge wake up! The newspaper is talking to me!" said Homer.

"Oh Homer, that's just your brain going crazy, get some rest..." Marge groaned.

"No I'm serious! Someone out there knows I like giant food and big punchy headlines! There's a message in the first letter of each line!" Homer explained.

"This is today's newspaper! And so there is!" Marge gasped. "Homer, meet me 4th street underpass, midnight."

"See? It's a sign!" said Homer.

"Homer you're not seriously considering going to this meeting tonight?! What if it's a trap from one of your enemies?!" Marge asked.

"Marge, I don't know, but sometimes you've got to go with your gut." said Homer.

"You always go with your gut. This time listen to your brain!" Marge nagged.

"Okay, I will." said Homer. His brain played ukulele music. "That's why I don't listen to my brain."

Marge grumbled annoyed.

...

Homer had smuggled Bart out for a drive. Bart woke up. "Ugh... Dad it's almost midnight... why have you taken me for a drive?"

"Do you want to go on an adventure with your old man?" said Homer.

"No..." Bart groaned.

"Well tough you have no choice." said Homer.

"Where are we going?" Bart asked.

"To meet the strange person sending me cryptic messages in the newspaper." said ahomer.

"Cooool! What if they're dangerous?" Bart asked.

"Then we beat the snot outta them!" Homer had a baseball bat...

They arrived at an overpass.

"There's coffee in the thermos." said Homer.

Bart still sleepy poured himself a cup of coffee.

"This is boring. Can't we go home?" Bart whined.

"No." said Homer.

"This overpass smells like urine." said Bart.

"They all do." said Homer.

"Fresh urine!" said Bart.

"Hey! The bathroom's a block away!" Homer yelled.

(ZIPS PANTS)

Eeeeeew!

"This place looks creepy! I bet there's crazy hobos down here!" Bart shivered.

"If you're gonna be a baby you can wait in the car..." Homer replied.

"No way!" said Bart. Suddenly a hooded figure appeared. "Agh! Dad! Look out! I'll save us! Karate!"

Bart did a flying karate kick at the hooded figure but missed and landed squarely on his feet but somehow the figure had put a sweater on him that read: World's Greatest Grandson. "Uh?"

The figure revealed their identity.

"Mom?!" Homer gasped.

"Yes Homer, I'm back!" said Mona. They all hugged. Awwww!

“Uh, Dad... You’re hugging a bum...” said Bart as Homer was hugging a hobo.

"Bum! Bum! Buuuuuuum!" Oscar sang.

Bart winced.

“Oh sorry.” said Homer.

“None taken. Actually I think you’re rather cute!” said the gay hobo. “Hey gimme my booze!” He snatched back his booze in a brown paper bag.

"Sorry." said Homer.

"But why have you come back?" Homer asked Mona.

"I was looking at a macaroni picture you made of me when you were five and it reminded me of you..." said Mona.

"Oh mom!" Homer hugged her. "Wait, aren't you still wanted for destroying Mr Burns's germ lab?"

"I'm afraid so. That's why we have to be very careful!" said Mona.

"Don't worry, my car has a very large trunk. Hope you don't mind stowing away in there. I once accidentally left my three friends from college in there all week!" said Homer.

"Homer! You went to college?" Mona asked.

"It's a long story, I'll explain when we get home." said Homer.

...

At home as they smuggled Mona inside during the night.

"By the way that sweater you gave Bart was rather sweet, but uh. You're gonna have to knit another one for Hugo." said Homer.

"You've had another baby?!" Mona asked as they went inside.

"Well, not exactly. Turns out Bart was a conjoined twin and his snitchy friend Oswald-" said Homer.

"Oscar." Bart corrected him.

"Whatever. Had found out about it and well, we did something really bad with little Hugo, got in trouble with the law and now have four mouths to feed..." Homer replied.

"Homer? Have you brought back late night guests again?! I swear I- Oh my goodness! Mona?" Marge gasped as she came down stairs.

They had a late night reunion with Mona before deciding they were too tired and would wait until the next morning. Mona slept in the window box that was actually an illegally built spare room.

The next morning they continued their reunion and talked about what they had been upto.

Mona also spent the day knitting a grandson sweater for Hugo. However he struggled and squirmed as she put it on him.

"Um yeah, he is rather squirmy when we take him clothes shopping..." Marge sighed. "Hugo! Behave!"

Hugo's head was just peeking through his sweater collar. He was glaring while Mona put the sweater on him.

...

Bart went into the backyard when he fell into a deep hole. "Oof! Who dug this?!" He asked.

Oscar looked into the hole while petting a small white dog.

"Oscar?!" Bart asked.

"It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again..." said Oscar.

"Oscar stop quoting Buffalo Bill and get me outta here!" Bart yelled.

Oscar eventually did so.

Meanwhile Mr Burns was monitoring his security cameras around town when he saw something incriminating on one that was watching the overpass at fourth street. Homer and Bart were talking to Mona Simpson.

"So we've come crawling back have we?!" Mr Burns held his fingers in his Excellent pose.

Mona was at home with the Simpsons enjoying some family time when the SWAT team broke in and arrested Mona for her crimes in the 60s.

"Mommy nooooo!" Homer cried as she was taken away.

"Don't worry, Dad. We'll get her back." said Bart and Lisa.

Mona went to stand trial. However the judge had some rather pleasant news that backed up her character.

"Mr Burns you say this woman is a menace, who spent her youth playing music to sick children in hospital, worked as a road crossing guard and was a loving mother to her only child?!" Snyder ranted at Mr Burns. Everyone awwwwwed at Mona's virtuous life. "While you spent most of the 19th century torturing children and whipping them! According to this old woodcut!" The court booed Mr Burns.

"This is an outrage! My I remind you people she wrecked my college laboratory and killed several valuable germs! Can't rich scientists grow their own germ colonies anymore?" Mr Burns argued.

"We don't even know why you were even growing germs and what ones? Why do you care so much about some slimy germs?" Oscar asked.

"I er was developing er vaccines for sick needy children!" Mr Burns replied.

The court booed him.

"Order! Order please! There'll be time for jeering later." said Snyder. "Mr Burns may I remind you that last year during cat flu season you stole all of the vaccines and smashed them up so only you got vaccinated!"

"My life is more important than all of yours you worthless peasants!" Mr Burns yelled. Smithers face palmed.

"Mr Burns, I have no choice, but to quash all charges against Mrs Mona Simpson!" Snyder tapped his gavel and everyone cheered.

"Oh Mom!" Homer hugged his mom as they celebrated.

Mr aburns growled. "You haven't seen the last of me Mona! I swear I will have my revenge! You and your whole family will pay?" He ranted. "And Homer, you're fired!"

"D'oh!" Homer groaned.

Plot 2[]

At Springfield Republican Headquarters.

The evil republicans of Springfield held a meeting.

"What is the progress on renaming things after Ronald Reagan?" Birch Barlow asked. "Brother Hibbert?"

"All Millard Fillmore Schools are Ronald Reagans, McDonalds is now McReagans, the Mississippi River is now the Mississippi Reagan." said Dr Hibbert.

"And my friend Frankenstein is now Franken Reagan!" said Dracula. "Bleh!" He realised how that didn't suit him.

"How is your on going feud with Mrs Simpson going Sir?" Smithers asked.

"I'm positively furious!" Yelled Mr Burns hitting the table. "But, I have decided to let Homer have his job back."

"But why?" Smithers asked.

"My dear Smithers. I like to keep my friends close, but my enemies closer." Mr Burns was holding a letter knife. "Let him think he has won while the sword of Damocles hovers over his head. Waiting until one day it plunges down upon him! Bwahahahaha!"

The rest of the evil republicans laughed as well.

...

"Woohoo! I got my job back!" Homer cheered.

"Oh Homer..." Mona sighed.

"Mom, I know you hate Mr Burns, but I have to pay the bills somehow. No one else will employ me..."

"That's where you're wrong son! I have two old friends of mine that could use someone at their vegetable drink factory!" said Mona.

They went to a place That Homer soon remembered from his childhood.

"I know this place! That hippy festival you took me to when I was a kid!" said Homer.

Homer had a flashback of himself as a little kid dancing about in the mud naked at a hippy festival.

Some hippy friends of Mona were admiring Homer.

"Oh, Mona you have such a cute kid!" said her friends.

"Thanks guys!" Mona hugged her friends.

"Wheeeee! I'm a hippy!" said little Homer dancing in the mud.

"Like hell you are! You're coming home right now mister so I can spank some sense into you! Now put your clothes on!" Young Abe tried to take Homer home.

But Mona stopped him. "Leave him alone Abe! He's having fun!"

"I won't have you and your damn hippy friends corrupt my child!" Abe yelled.

"Our child!" Mona yelled.

The day dream ended.

"Dad never let me do anything fun! He always called me a melon head!" Homer sighed.

"Get away from that hippy grass factory boy! You melon head!" Abe pulled up in his car.

"Stop poisoning our son against me!" Mona yelled.

Abe gasped gibberish. "You're back in town?!"

"Yes, and I'm here getting Homer an honest job that doesn't poison the environment!"

"Damn woman!" Abe drove off.

"Come on Homer, I'll introduce you to a few old friends of mine..." said Mona.

...

Mr Burns was planning some revenge scheme. He shut down his old college and renamed it the Mona Simpsons nature reserve to try to lure Mona there.

Elsewhere at the Simpsons. Milhouse was there, probably hanging out with Bart.

But he lost someone important to him.

"Help! Puppy Goo-Goo is gone! He's my best-est stuffed animal, and he's gone!" Milhouse cried unable to find Puppy Goo Goo.

Bart winced.

”Waaaaaaaaaaah! I can’t find my Teddy Beddy!” Oscar cried trying to find his teddy bear creature Teddy.

”Oh Leaping Electrons! Why are you two losers my friends?!” Bart groaned embarrassed.

”Bart! That’s not very nice! Show some compassion!” Marge told him off as she looked for the stuffed toys.

“Puppy Goo-Goo? Puppy Goo-Goo, where are you?” Milhouse cried.

Oscar decided to sing the Scooby Doo theme.

”Oz that’s not helping! Oh puppy Goo Goo...” Milhouse cried.

“I got your age-inappropriate security animals right here.” Bart had Puppy Goo Goo and Teddy the living teddy bear.

”Knock it off Bart! Milhouse can have a stuffed toy if he wants! And so can I!” Oscar snapped taking back his teddy bear.

”Oz... Milhouse... you’re nine and ten years old... no! It’s not normal for you two to still have stuffed animals!” Bart whined embarrassed about his friends.

Lisa frowned at Bart for being mean.

Milhouse noticing Lisa was at home was trying to woo her again, like he usually does...

"You'd better stick with Puppy Goo-Goo and Headless Hellraiser instead of my sister." Bart groaned feeling like a gooseberry.

”HEADLESS CLOWN-“ Oscar tried to scream but Bart hand gagged him. Bart was glaring at Oscar exasperated in him.

...

Meanwhile Mona got Homer a new job working with her friends picking vegetables and taking them to the factory to make into vegetable drinks packed full of healthy vitamins.

Her hippy friends were really nice to Homer until he accidentally got a frisbee lodged in a machine.

”Oh Homer!” Seth and Munchie groaned.

However Mona stood up for her son.

"Boys... It was just an accident! Homer didn't mean it..." Mona frowned at her friends telling Homer off.

"Fine... We're sorry Homer. But this will cause us weeks of backlog!" said Seth and Munchie.

Then Homer found their personal vegetable patch behind some camouflage nets.

"Oh my god! Weed!" Homer screamed.

Mona and her friends hushed him.

"Not so loud Homer! Yes, we're growing Weed! But you can't tell anyone. It's still illegal in this state!" said Seth.

"Not even my family?" Homer asked.

"Not even your family." said Munchie.

"So... Does that stuff really make you, you know inspired like the Beatles?" Homer asked.

"Oh Homer! The Beatles never smoked hemp!" said Mona. "Except for that John Lennon lad, I always thought he was one of us after he married Yoko Ono..."

"Oh that reminds me. Did you know I used to be in a barbershop quartet with Barney Apu and Skinner? Wiggum was there too! But he got hit on the nogging and couldn't sing properly anymore..." Homer explained.

"Oh Homer!" Mona was fascinated with his stories.

“Mrs Simpson it’s nice to feel nostalgic but we have to make up an order of missing bottles of vegetable power juice!” Seth groaned.

”Of course! Homer we have a lot of work to do!” Mona said to her son.

...

Oscar and Bart were at the under the bridge junction/overpass. where they found Mona.

Oscar was humming a tune.

"This is boring. Can't we go home?" Bart groaned.

"No." said Oscar.

"This overpass smells like urine." said Bart.

"They all do." said Oscar.

"Fresh urine!" said Bart.

Hey! The nearest bathroom is a block away and I still haven't learned how to hold myself until I get to one! So I just went in my diaper." said Oscar.

Bart winced.

...

One afternoon Mona received a letter from Mr Burns personally inviting her to open his new nature reserve.

"Don't do it Grandma! It's a trap!" Bart and Lisa yelled.

"Don't worry I won't. I don't believe any bile that oozes from that awful, awful man!" Mona replied ripping up the letter.

Later.

"I er don't think she's coming sir..." said Smithers.

Mr Burns was furious.

Elsewhere Milhouse held Weird Al Yankovic hostage.

“Listen, Milhouse, it's been great meeting all your stuffed animals. Big fan of Puppy Goo-Goo.” said Weird Al Yankovic. “But I really have to get to the Hullabalooza Music festival.”

”How do you feel about Teddy?” Oscar asked holding his living teddy bear Teddy.

”Don’t really like him to be honest.” said Weird Al.

”How dare you! You’ve hurt his feelings!” Oscar snapped.

Ralph was there because he briefly took over as Milhouse’s master when that dog was chasing Bart. “I like pretending where I’m a Dracula driving a bulldozer.”

”Cooooooool!” said Oscar cooing.

What is up with these kids?! Weird Al Yankovic winced.

Ralph was day dreaming about Dracula driving a bulldozer.

"Please let me go!" Weird Al cried.

"Don't play the victim Sonny! Everyone knows you're in cahoots with Dr Demento because he was your mentor! Your mentor in the dark side of music!" Oscar snapped getting a little too close in Al's personal space.

Weird Al Smirked evilly.

"You're friends with Bart Simpson aren't ya?"

"Sometimes..." said Oscar.

"Look, I helped get Marge and Homer to make up in Three Gays in a Condo. Do I look like I'm interested in Demento's weird feud with Bart?" said Weird Al.

...

So Mr Burns went back to the drawing board.

Meanwhile at the Simpsons.

"Mona, I'll always remember raspberry trolley cars because my mind is shot." said Abe.

Mona winced exasperated.

Bart was being a smart Aleck. "Sometimes I think Homeboy's memory is on the fritz.

Homer growled at him.

"Oh, Bart. Are you still a little hell-raiser?" Mona said smiling.

"Yes Grandma." said Bart grinning because Grandma didn't approve of Homer strangling him.

Mr Burns drove a tank to the Simpsons house and threatened to blow it up.

"I have a World War II panzerfaust Old man! It's name means Tank Buster for a reason!" said Oscar pointing a rocket launcher at the tank from the upstairs window. "Leave now or I'll blast you to oblivion!"

"Oscar no! You can't sink his level!" Lisa cried.

Mona was shocked by Bart's friend having a violent streak.

"It's a long story Grandma. Oscar has a bit of a temper... And a penchant for fire arms..." Bart explained.

"I guess I have no choice..." Mona sighed. "Burns, you scoundrel! I'll cut you a deal!"

"What is it you old hag?!" Mr Burns yelled getting out of his tank.

"If I leave town will you promise to leave the Simpsons alone!" Mona asked.

"Mom no!" Homer cried.

"I'm sorry Homer..." Mona sighed.

Oscar was still pointing his rocket launcher at Mr Burns.

"Fine, very well. But you must never see Homer ever again!" said Mr Burns. He drove his tank away.

...

The Simpsons said their goodbyes to Mona at the train station out of Springfield.

"Please don't leave me Mom!" Homer cried.

"I'm sorry Homer, I must!" Mona explained.

"Can you guys give me one good reason for not blowing up Mr Burns's bony old behind back there?" Oscar sulked.

"Because Grandma wouldn't have wanted to win like that Oscar... You can't always solve your problems with violence." said Bart. "Don't stoop to his level, you're better than him..."

Oscar sighed. If only you knew... he said to himself.

Homer tearfully waved his Mom goodbye.

"Don't worry Oscar, we'll make Mr Burns pay, one way he will pay for what he's done." said Bart as they went home.

The end.

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