Meet Dr.Acula Ace has a check up at the doctor. However Oscar and Bart find his doctor is a vampire.
The episode is identically named to an episode of Cosbymon. It starts as in Wild Goose Chase by Moonstar365.
Springfield is gripped by yet another heatwave. This couldn’t have came at a worse time, as humanity were still in the grip of a rapture/Satan invading again. On the plus side Marge was in yet another cookery competition.
“Pathetic mortals! You call this weather hot?! You try living deep below the Earth’s crust!” yelled Satan.
At the Simpsons house the Simpsons are suffering from the heat as they sit about in their underwear. Except Maggie and Oscar who are wearing diapers.
“Ugh! It’s so hot...” Homer groaned. as he laid back in the green armchair in his underwear.
“I feel like a piece of bacon sizzling in a frying pan...” Bart groaned as he fanned himself.
Homer gargles and drools. “Mmmmmmm! Bacon...” and doing his signature gurgling sound and drooling.
The weather report was on.
“This is Kent Brockman with the morning weather! Today’s highest temperature will be 110 degrees Fahrenheit! That’s a new record!”
“Oh no! That’s terrible!” said Lisa assuming the high summer heat from a heat wave was actually global warming.
“Yeah we’re sweltering...” said Homer.
“No I’m talking about the wild life and nature outside.” said Lisa. A polar bear was exhausted and dragging itself about exhausted from the heat.
“Speaking of animals, have any of you seen the pets today?” Marge asked unable to find the cat and the dog.
“No.... BART! WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE PETS?!” Homer yelled at Bart.
“Nothing! Jeez! You don’t have to blame me for everything Homeboy!” Bart whined.
“I find you hard to trust... especially after that ‘incident’ ” said Homer. “And you call me Dad!” There had been an incident recently where Bart flushed toys down the toilet but refused to admit he had done so.
“Oh.” said Bart. “That was different. This time I really haven’t done anything...”
We cut to the dog and cat frozen in big cartoonish ice cubes in the freezer shivering and going Brrrrrr!
“Yeah, it should be Fahrenheit 451.” said Hugo reading Fahrenheit 451 while sat in his underwear.
“Quiet bookworm!” Homer yelled.
“Dad! I’m a bookworm! Leave him be!” said Lisa.
“Then why aren’t you reading?”
“Because it’s too hot! I can’t study or read in this heat...” said Lisa.
Some time passes as the only sound is a clock ticking.
“Let’s go to the pool.” said Marge.
“Yay! The pool!” said Bart. Strangely happy to go swimming.
“Okay but please don’t take us to the one Milhouse threw up in.” said Lisa.
“Don’t worry sweetie. We’re going to the one in Shelbyville.” said Marge.
Homer screamed. “Aaaaaaagh! Like hell we are!!”
“Homer! Language!” Marge scolded him for saying hell.
“We’re going to a nice, but affordable pool in Springfield! And there will be no whining or questioning! We are not helping to finance the enemy!” said Homer.
“Homer stop this rivalry with Shelbyville! It’s foolish!” Marge nagged.
“Oh really Marge! Really?! I’m foolish for wanting to protect or kids from lemon tree thieves, incest loving freaks who poisoned our water supply with LSD?” said Homer.
“Yeah Mom.” said Bart supporting Homer.
Marge sighed. She couldn’t understand why their towns wouldn’t get along.
“Anyway going out today would involve me getting up from the green armchair.” said Homer.
“And...” said Marge.
“Uh I’m stuck, because of my sweat...” said Homer.
“Eeeeeeeeew!” The Simpsons and Oscar groaned in disgust.
“Come on kids, help your father out of that chair...” said Marge.
They all helped pull Homer out of the green armchair in a tug of war. Eventually he was unstuck from the fabric of the chair caused by his sweat.
However the force of them pulling sends Homer flying into a wall “Aaaaaaaghhhhh!” and impacting it leaving a dent. “D’oh!”
“Um... We’ll fix that later...” said Marge.
Outside in the car.
“No Homer! You can’t leave Hugo home alone! He’s just a boy!” said Marge.
“Ooooooooooh!” Homer groaned annoyed.
“I haven’t been swimming since that time I was in those Usborne story books with the little yellow duck when I went swimming with Harry Potter.” said Oscar.
Bart laughed. “Oz those books are for babies!”
“Yeah whatever.” said Oscar. He was reading the book to Maggie but including Bart, Lisa and Hugo in his conversation. “That’s me. Throwing a tantrum outside the pool. I’m not really proud of myself for doing that. I uh just got very annoyed I couldn’t have something some other kid had.” said Oscar pointing out a kid with big brown spiky hair throwing a tantrum on the way to the pool.
“Uh huh.” said Lisa.
“And there’s Harry Potter dive bombing into the pool.” said Oscar pointing out a cartoon boy with black hair and glasses dive bombing into the pool.
“Yeah like that’s totally Harry Potter...” said Lisa not believing him.
“Well it is!” Oscar insisted. “His evil Aunt and Uncle Petunia and Vernon took him along with their son Dudley.”
“Harry doesn’t seem like the sort of kid who dive bombs in the pool.” said Bart.
“He mellowed our in the books. When he was still my age he was a bit mischievous.” said Oscar.
“Kids have you got everything?” Marge asked. “Your swimming costumes”
“Yes...” said her kids.
“Yes...” said her kids.
“Goggles and hair hats and that sort of thing?”
“I always wear goggles as a fashion statement as well as for when I need them.” Oscar grinning as he pointed to his green goggles he wore to hold back his wild overgrown hair in his style.
“What look are you even going for Oz? Why is goggle in hair a thing?!” Bart asked.
“It’s an anime cliche. I’m copying Tai from Digimon’s look.” said Oscar.
As soon as the Simpsons arrive Bart was being competitive with Lisa over the sun beds.
“Ok kids pick a sun bed.” said Marge.
Bart had already spotted a sun bed in the shade. He wanted it. “That ones mine!”
But Lisa had seen that exact same bed. “In your dreams! It’s mine!”
They ran off to the sun bed.
“I called it first!”
Eventually Bart got there first because the original author of Wild Goosechase, Moonstar365 said so. Probably because they were routing for Bart. And why not? I’m a Bart fan too! Although their reason was that Bart was older and therefore got the bed. Yeah, if he was trusted and responsible he’d get the perks of being the older brother. But he’s not so your reasons don’t make sense... but hooray for Bart!
“True. If Bart was actually responsible and trustworthy I’d understand him getting his way because of age and wisdom. But I’m the responsible one here! So that’s not fair he gets the chair.” said Lisa.
“Yeah but Author is high so there.” said Homer.
“Oh yeah! Boys rule and girls drool! Oh yeah!” said Bart taunting Lisa while stood on the sun bed.
“Moooooom! Bart’s teasing me!” Lisa yelled.
“Bart! Don’t tease your sister! And stop bragging and get in the pool!” Marge yelled.
Bart dive bombed in the pool. “Wheeeeeee!” Splash!
“Hey! No dive bombing!” The life guard, who was Squeaky Voiced Teen explained.
Lisa sighed and took a sun bed next to Bart’s. It wasn’t quite as in the shade as his but it would have to do.
Marge was inflating Maggie’s water wings. “Maggie are you ready to swim today?”
Maggie nodded and sucked her red pacifier.
“Okay now let’s-“ said Marge.
“Marge! Help! My head is stuck in this sun bed!” Homer cried somehow getting stuck.
Bart is swimming. Moonstar365 writes him going off outside the premises of the pool area, which Moon really wanted to be a pool in Shelbyville despite Homer’s some what justified xenophobia against Shelbyville. He apparently foiled some smugglers burying stolen goods or something. But that’s not the start of story A here...
Instead action follows Oscar.
“Choose a sun bed Oscar.” said Marge trying to pull Homer free.
“I did but those Germans took it...” said Oscar as Uter and his parents took a bed.
“Well, schade...” said Uter. (That’s roughly German for “Too bad!” Or “Hard cheese!”)
“Yeah I know, that’s their national sport! Hehehehe!” Homer laughed thinking sun bed pinching was a national sport for Germans.
“No it’s not!” Marge said sharply. “Well that’s tough luck Oscar you’ll have to look around elsewhere...”
Oscar sighed and was distracted from sun bed hunting by the sight of Harry Potter and his evil Aunt and Uncle. Vernon was sharply reminding Harry not to perform any magic, and funny business or he would have no meals for a week.
Oscar pestered Lisa, Bart, Hugo and Maggie’s older cousin Jessica Simpson and famous musician and actress who for some reason was related to the Simpson kids and Marge and Homer were somehow her aunt and uncle somehow for hilarity.
“What is it Oz?” Jessica asked.
“I’ll pay you twenty dollars to act as my older sister while I throw a tantrum over that girl over there licking an ice cream.” said Oscar.
“Why don’t you just get yourself an ice cream. I thought you answered to no one.” said Jessica.
“I’m trying to act out in front of my friend Harry Potter.” said Oscar.
“Fine.” Jessica took the twenty dollars and went with Oscar.
As soon as he made himself very obvious to Harry and Dudley. Oscar’s face went beetroot and he started screaming and crying at Jessica over wanting an ice cream.
“But I want it!!!” Oscar is having a tantrum.
Harry Potter rolled his eyes.
Once Oscar established to his friend Harry that he was always throwing tantrums. He went and bought a double scoop ice cream to eat.
Harry then went dive bombing into the pool. “Coming?”
“No. Never go swimming straight after food.” said Oscar as he was still licking his ice cream. “And besides I’m not wearing my water wings or a swim diaper.”
“Fine, suit yourself.” said Harry Potter a few years before the books. “Wheeeeeeee!” He dive bombs into the pool.
“Hey! I said... oh what’s the use...” said Squeaky Voiced Teen.
Bart threw a water balloon at Homer. Homer woke with a start. “What the.” He soon determined this soaking was Bart’s doing because Bart laughed. “Why you little!” Homer ran after Bart to strangle him.
“No running around the pool...” Squeaky Voiced Teen sighed.
Meanwhile Oscar was hanging out with Hugo having finally found a sun bed.
“And there was that one time I wouldn’t go swimming... when my folks were still alive...” said Oscar.
Oscar was in a flashback but also for hilarity in the present sunbathing with a folding mirror to focus the sun on him.
His dad tried to coax him to go swimming.
“Go away, fat man...” said Oscar sun bathing and wearing sunglasses.
“Why you!” Dad yelled angry.
“Oz!” Mom scolded him.
“Oz you don’t have cream on and you don’t tan, you burn...” said Big Mouth.
Oscar pulled out an Uzi. His family quickly shuttled up.
Later he was getting an ice cream with his mom.
“I want that one.” He wanted an expensive sandwich ice cream treat but, it had dark chocolate in it. He hated dark chocolate. He just wanted to waste his family’s spending money.
“You don’t like dark chocolate and you’re not getting that. Look! A teenage mutant ninja turtles lolly! Raphael!” said Mom.
Oscar pointed his gun at her.
Oscar was eating the most expensive ice cream sandwich in the ice cream vendor box. “Bleh! Dark chocolate?! I hate dark chocolate! Why did I get this?!”
Mom face palmed.
“Oz you can be a right ass sometimes...” Bart frowned at him being mean as his parents and siblings faded away.
“No because I’m the main character and I say I’m the good guy...” Oscar said crossing his arms and holding the ice cream sandwich he didn’t like.
Oscar was eating the ice cream sandwich he didn’t like but wanted just to so he could waste his parents money on and thinking this would be the worst vacation ever for Ace, his vampire friend.
“There’s the sun, Vampires die in the sun light. There’s the water in the pool... water burns like acid to them...
“What would his ideal vacation be then...” Hugo asked.
“Bat watching in a dark cave at night.” said Oscar. “Or plundering a hospital blood bank.”
“Oz we came to swim and you’re getting a sun burn. Come on...” Bart groaned.
“Fine... just let me get ready.” said Oscar. Showing no concern for his own privacy he dropped his swimming trunks exposing himself to everyone as he put on a Finding Nemo swimming diaper and taped it up. Then he pulled up his trunks. Pulled out from hammer space a green pair and stuck them on Trunk’s (from Dragonball Z) head and laughed. Trunks glared at him and removed the green trunks from his head and threw them at Oscar.
Oscar then put on his water wings and got Marge to inflate them. Then he went swimming.
After Harry Potter dive bombed again and a dog jumped in the pool and Bart foiled smugglers, and made more arch enemies.
“Well that’s what I get for being a hero...” Bart sighed.
And Oscar hurt himself badly from running. That’s why you don’t run around near a swimming pool.
The Simpsons pushed Oscar about in a wheelchair to get his hurt leg bandaged up.
”Not just any wheelchair, my old wheelchair...” said Bart thinking of all the times he seriously injured himself.
At Springfield General Hospital.
The Simpsons waited in the waiting room. There were the Albino family with injuries. The sickening perfect family from Mr Burns’s picnic, Life in Hell bunnies and Ackbars...
Then Oscar saw his friend Ace and his vampire family.
Oscar waved at Ace.
“Ouch! That’s a nasty accident you had Oz.” said Ace.
“I know. That’ll teach me not to run around near a swimming pool.” said Oscar. “Why are you here?”
“Booster shot.” said Ace. “And there’s um.... well you see as I’m a vampire I have to see a specialist doctor for vampires...”
“Ace Drakul Tepes. Dr Acula will see you now.” said the nurse.
“Dr Acula...” Oscar asked.
“Come on Ace.” said Ace’s Mom.
Oscar silently asked Hugo to wheel him after Ace’s family to spy on them. He soon regretted doing so be he found Dr Acula was... a vampire!
In a clinical room/Doctor’s office was a vampire doctor who not only specialised in vampire patients but was a vampire himself. He was putting on rubber gloves and looked like Andy Garcia with fangs. Because whenever I see Andy Garcia in the Simpsons for example as the evil TweenLit corporate mongol I assume he’s an evil vampire...
Oscar gulped and Hugo wheeled him away back to the waiting room.
In the waiting room Bart and Lisa bored watched Cosbymon, a parody of Pokemon but with rapist Bill Cosby in it and creatures as the titular Cosbymon or Jellomon were constructed from Jello. Theo Huxtable was one of the characters as Ash’s character. He had just killed his rip off of Pikachu by over feeding it jello until it exploded just because it smoked and snorted his drugs. His coke, weed, meth, huffing kittens, crack, white China and smurfs. He also had a Jigglysnuff tat could inflate its like a beach ball and a Squattle, a female turtle like creature that squirts sperm out of its bunghole that causes death by dying immediately, and Mewthree, an as the author of the Cosbymon nonsense explained, was an angry African American that whips things with its three tails. Basically Mewtwo with three tails spliced with a black man.
The rapist Bill Cosby had just used his magic jazz powers to turn a character into a Japanese School Girl and he ate her. Literally he ate her.
Trunks was perturbed because the author of the Cosbymon show decided a cross dressing Vegeta in a pink dress would be a great character along with Rogue the bat and Minerva Mink. Rest assured said Author will be facing a Gallick Gun from Vegeta.
Dr Payne then called in Oscar.
Oscar was wheeled in his office by Hugo.
Dr Payne determined Oscar had fractured his leg and needed it set in plaster for until it heeled.
“That means no swimming Oz.” said Bart.
“Eh, on the plus side I’ll be able to get up to Dale from Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers antics.” said Oscar.
Bart face palmed and groaned. “Fine what are you gonna do all episode then...”
“Well... first I’m gonna be a cartoon bear cub.” Oscar turned into a cartoon bear cub with a big red shiny wet nose wearing a plaster cast on his leg. He had big buck teeth like Dale’s.
“Then I’ll just copy the plot of Kiwis big adventure.” said Oscar.
In a jungle.
Bear cub Oscar was playing with Timmy Thomas by racing about the jungle in their wheelchairs and giggling.
Bear cub Oscar was then sniffing Timmy Thomas’s diaper with his big wet shiny red nose. Timmy grimaced and wet himself.
In Springfield General, Dr Acula was giving Ace his tetanus shot when he was consumed by his vampire thirst for blood. He had green eyes as a green sclera’ed Andy Garcia with fangs and went off to raid the hospital blood bank to drink the blood there. Ace and his family shrugged their shoulders and joined him.
“I’m sure Dr. Acula is a Scrubs reference...” said Bart.
In a jungle Bear cub Oscar with a big wet shiny red nose and Timmy Thomas were on a boat while Oscar as a bear cub played the Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers theme on his boom box.
Then Tick Tock the Crocodile from Disney’s Peter Pan attacked. Then Dale with both his legs bandaged up ran on water like Jesus.
“I renounce my faith and praise Dale as my prophet! All hail Dale!” Oscar cheered as Dale sprinted on water to flee Tick Tock.
But Chip grabbed him and pulled him back into the water to stop defying the laws of physics and making him think he was Jesus.
“I’m not Jesus... I’m a toon...” said Dale as he swam for his life from the crocodile that was wasting valuable energy chasing tiny chipmunks and mice instead of actual large enough prey...
After getting beaten up by a fly, Tick Tock gave up and went to find sensible prey and not bother tiny chipmunks and mice.
On land Oscar fell off a shallow cliff. He was fine but Gadget Hackwrench decided his other leg was broken and bandaged that up.
Then Oscar would not help carry logs and feigned he hurt his arm. Gadget bandaged up his arm with a splint.
Very soon, like Dale he looked very silly with his legs in plaster, his arms bandaged up with splints and bandages on his head.
Gadget was feeding the tiny bear cub and chipmunk grapes which to a chipmunk were the size of plums.
Then they were ambushed that night by kiwi birds as tribesmen and got tied up and offered to their gods.
Dale got tangled up by his leg bandages that kept coming loose. Then he swung from them. Then Oscar wet his diaper for some reason watching this madness.
Then Gadget and the gang found Dale had faked his injuries to laze about and eat. Rest assured they got their revenge somehow.
“I faked most of mine too, except my leg. I really fractured that.” said Oscar.
“Hmmmmph! Karma will get you too Oz.” said Gadget.
And it did. In the Jungle Oscar invoked Jumanji by yelling Jumanji and a yellow pod grabbed his uninjured leg with its vine tongue and dragged him off somewhere. Then a giant fly pestered him. Then he was pulled free of the plant but green Jumanji pods webbed up his healthy leg with goo. Sticking him to the spot. as he struggled Van Pelt shot through his leg. Oscar cursed in agony as the bullet caused a severe internal injury in his healthy leg.
After the Rescue Rangers got him free they determined his other leg was now broken from a shotgun equivalent wound.