Simpsons Fanon
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Married to the Blob Comic Book Guy/Jeff Albertson falls in love with and marries a Japanese manga artist. But her father doesn’t approve of the wedding.

Plot[]

The title gag is Maggie parachutes down wearing a diaper as baby New Year. She is the start of the new year, 2014 apparently according to canon. Grampa is pulled up into the sky, he is wearing a sash that says 2013 and he’s wearing a diaper.

The Billboard gag is a picture of Lard Lad and it reads “Lard Lad Donuts. Discretely Super Christian.”

The chalkboard gag is “Judas Priest is not Death Metal.”

Oscar writes “Nor is it anything to do with Judas Iscariot.”

Lisa is playing a harp.

The couch gag is the channel flicking Bill Plympton one. Everything is illustrated by Bill Plympton. There’s a fat dog and a giant stomping about. Oh and Maggie flicking between the animations. I.e. the fat dog panting and the giant stomping about. Eventually she flicks through faster and faster before violently hurling the remote bored.

...

High above Zenith City, Radioactive Man keeps a lonely vigil!, holy crud they gave me a deep baritone voice! Oh wait that’s the dramatic comic narration...

“All seems quiet. Maybe I'll fly to China and get some takeout.” said Radioactive Man. (gasps) He got a Tweet. “A sky tweet from Commissioner Sweeney! This looks like a job for: @radioactivemanó01.” (whooshing) He sees four villains destroying Zenith City. “Leaping Leptons! It's the Fossil Fuel Four! Old King Coal... Patroleus Rex... French Femme Fatale Charcoal Briquette... and the enemy of drinking water everywhere, the Fracker.” There was the Thing but made of coal and dressed as a regal monarch, a sultry femme fatale, a tyrannosaur with fuel pumps for arms and a redneck fracking site worker.

(grunting with effort) Fracker drilled into the Earth and fire shot out.

“Stop attacking the nuclear plant-- this country's safest energy source!” Radioactive Man yelled.

“Gee! Did Mr Burns help write this comic...?” Oscar asked over the imagination of the comic’s story of how it would play out if animated.

,Studies show, I'm America's best hope for energy independence.“ said the Fracker as he attacked Radioactive Man.

(laughs) “Those studies were industry financed.” said Radioactive Man.

“You lie!” Fracker blasted flames at him.

“Holy Hedrons! I need backup! Calling Citizen Solar, and his sidekick Wind Lad.” said Radioactive Man calling for help from other heroes.

(French accent): “I believe you will find them lacking in energy.” said Charcoal Briquette who is French apparently. Prrrrrrr!

”Prrrrrrr!” Oscar purred aroused.

”Oz don’t...” Bart said from somewhere as he read and imagined the story.

“It's too cloudy.” said Citizen Solar in a droopy voice. Also he looks like Squidward.

“People don't like the noise I make.” said Wind Lad as a fat nerd. “Eeeeeehhhhh...” Um what noise because I can imagine one unpleasant one...

“Ehhh...” Radioactive man sighed dodging streams of coal being fired at him.

“Petroleus Rex, please remember when you used to be Environmental Scientist Rex Bernstein.” Radioactive Man begged the dinosaur with flamethrower gasoline pumps for arms.

“I have become my destiny.” said Petroleus Rex.

(grunts, groans) pained sounds from Radioactive man being torched.

“I'll crush you like a gnat, King Coal.” said Radioactive Man.

(shouting in pain) He gets blasted with coal.

(grunting with effort) He tries to fight back...

(shouting) Radioactive man takes a critical hit. His Radioactive symbol fades segment by segment. “Half life. Quar... ter life. Eighth life. Gone.” He dies!! Nooooooo!

“Frack-cellent!” said the Fracker. I’m sure Mr Burns wrote this comic... (laughs sinisterly)

In the living room of the Simpsons house. Bart, Oscar and Milhouse read a comic, that that opening was telling the story of.

“They killed off Radioactive Man? I did not see that coming.” said Milhouse.

“Noooooooo!” Oscar cried holding a soda with a straw.

“Die-carumba!” Bart yelled.

”They'll just reboot Radioactive Man in an overpriced new origin issue and get clueless fanboys like you to line up at midnight to buy them.” said Lisa being a spoilsport.

“Clueless fanboys in costume.” said Milhouse. (text alert chimes) He got a text alert from Comic Book Guy. The rules for his midnight premiere. Were “Feeted pyjamas only!” “Wow! Midnight. I won't know which day to write in my diary.” said Milhouse. XD!

“If it’s a twenty four hour clock you write the next day... at zero hours...” said Lisa.

”Coooool! Feeties only!” Oscar cooed.

”No Oz! Do not come dressed in your sappy Feetie pyjamas/Babygro!” Bart groaned.

“Homer.’ Bart addressed his dad improperly again...

“What? and call me Dad!” said Homer.

“Will you take me to buy a comic book Tuesday at midnight?” Bart asked.

”And miss the back half of Jimmy Kimmel? That's when he experiments, boy.” Homer whined.

”You never watched an episode of Jimmy Kimmel in your life.” said Bart frowning.

”Yes, I have. After the Oscars, when he forces you.“ said Homer.

“Dad...” Bart whined.

”Homer you have to take him!!” Marge came in sharply.

”Oh why?” Homer whined.

”Because we promised him as a reward for behaving when we took him out at midnight so Lisa could get the latest Angelica Button Book back in Season 18! If you don’t he won’t think it’s worth behaving if we don’t keep our promises!” said Marge.

Homer groaned.

”Okay... I suppose a deal is a deal...” said Homer to Bart.

”Author that ignores all the times he misbehaved since then...” Lisa sighed.

...

Outside Android’s dungeon at midnight. There were lots of kids in super hero costumes with their dads.

(Ralph Wiggum singing random melody) Ralph sings while running about in a circle.

(door bell dings, all cheering, clapping) Comic Book Guy reopens his closed store for this night. Kids cheered.

“Quiet. Quiet! And attention please, valued customers. You will each be allowed to enter the store, and buy one copy. One! Swallow your gum, now.” said Comic Book Guy.

(all gulp) boys, particularly the nerds, swallowed their gum.

“Oh. Oh. Mr. Book Guy. Can I go first?” Milhouse from the back of the line asked. Apparently he’s Milton now. “I was once cast to play Fallout Boy in a movie.” Milhouse when we pan over to him, was dressed as Fallout Boy from the Simpsons episode Radioactive Man (BlueKraid episode). Including his cute Quiff.

Oscar was admiring Milhouse’s Fallout Boy Quiff.

“Tell it to Harlan Ellison.” said Comic Book Guy.

Harlan Ellison was in the queue with his children. “I think, you over-privileged kids with your electronic tablets and your talking phones, wouldn't know a good piece of fiction if your iPod read it to your ass.” XD!

“I wish someone would have come from the future, and warned me not to talk to you.” Milhouse as Fallout Boy whined.

Several minutes ago...

”Oh! Oh! Mr Book Guy? Can I-“ Milhouse asked but another Milhouse dressed as Fallout Boy arrived from the future.

”No don’t!” Future Milhouse warned him.

”Jiminy Jillickers! It’s another me!” said Milhouse.

”Yes I am you from a few minutes in the future warning you not to talk to Harlan Ellison....” said Future Milhouse.

”And...” said Milhouse.

”Oh and you have to marry Lisa. The future is pretty dire if I don’t...” said Future Milhouse.

“That's my idea! You're stealing my idea!” Harlan yelled and grabbed Milhouse and shook him.

“Sorry.” said Milhouse.

Elsewhere in the line.

”Oh look my little pup! It’s lunch time! What can Daddy get you?” Dracula asked his son Ace.

”Well I fancy a Krusty Laffy meal and.... to feed on that fat boy’s neck over there outside the queue.” Ace pointed to Database checking his watch. He was across the road.

”Ahhhh.... that’s my boy...” said Dracula tousling Ace’s blond hair.

”We get it... he’s your vampire OC....” Bart sighed.

Time passed.

there were time zones for Earth, Vulcan, Krypton if it didn’t blow up and Bizarro Earth. And of course in my fanon Gallifrey too!

As such there were Vulcans or Spock dressed nerds in the queue and Kryptonians or Superman dressed nerds, and Bizarro dressed nerds. And don’t forget the Whovians!

Martin paid for a comic and left with it. I’m sure Nelson is outside ready to rob him of it...

Homer was now at the front of the Queue in the store carrying Bart and Milhouse who are fast asleep as he buys their copies of the new Radioactive Man comic. D’aaaaaaaaawwwwwww! Cute!

Uncle Buck Tamaki is behind him carrying Oscar who is also fast asleep.

Milo from Coolsville arrived.

“C-B-G. What's the happs, my man?” said Milo.

”Well, well, well. If it isn't Milo, the owner of my main competitor, Coolsville. Or should I say, "Foolsville."” said Comic Book Guy still sour at no longer having a monopoly in the comic book store business. In Springfield at least.

“That is some tasty cashish, my friend.” said Milo. Mmmmmm! Hashish...

“Indeed. And how did you spend your evening?” asked Comic Book Guy counting his money.

“Um... Let's see. I wrote a Lost fan fiction finale that also answers all the questions from Twin Peaks. (Sad....) Reranked all the Doctor Whos by puffiness of the hair.” said Milo.

”Tom Baker is the puffiness...” Oscar murmured in his sleep.

”This kid gets it.” Milo said with a grin pointing to Oscar asleep and carried by Buck.

“Oh, and I also got married to my actual, non-imaginary, comic-tolerating girlfriend, Strawberry.” said Milo. Yeah they’re married now.

“Now when Milo talks to himself, it won't seem crazy.” said Strawberry (Milo’s surname.)

“So, Milo talks to himself. We will treasure that information. Yes... we will.” said Comic Book Guy acting like Gollum and rubbing his hands.

”Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna share this primo origin ish with my bride.“ Milo bought a comic that was part of the midnight promotion of yet another Radioactive Man reboot. “Even the mintiest comic is just acidifying pulp, if you have no one to read it with, right?” Milo left after paying.

“Nerds don't get girls.” Comic Book Guy yelled.

”These days they do, man. Comic-Con is now eight percent women.“ said Milo as he left with his wife.

“Burn!” said Strawberry.

”Wrong... Wrong!” Comic Book Guy yelled. “Wro-- Where is he?”

Homer was still waiting and carrying Bart and Milhouse. “Come on, buddy, I gotta get home and climb into bed with my loving wife.” Homer whined.

“Oh, right. You have a loving wife.” said Comic Book Guy rolling his eyes.

”Oh. Marge and I get along perfect. We're like George Burns and John Denver.” said Homer buying a comic book for Bart and Milhouse. He said one copy only!!

“It’s okay. I’m sure there’s a reason Homer is buying for Bart and Milhouse instead of Kirk Van Houten bringing his offspring...” said Comic Book Guy.

Homer left grunting as he had to carry two boys and two comics.

“Oh, man! Carrying these kids is hard on my back. Oh...!” He scratched his back on Badgerine’s claws. Hehehe... Badgerine... “Oh, yeah!” He sighed. “And now to Moe's.” No! Off home and put those kids to bed!! Bad father!

Homer left.

“Look at him. Look. He's got family... friends. What do I have?” Comic Book Guy sighed. “Oof. Jimmy Olsen vs. Matter Eater Lad.” Hehehe! He read a comic. “Hm. This is better than I remembered, actually. No...! No it isn't! It-It's horrible!” He threw the comic away in disgust.

(moans) “The only thing that could make this moment more cliched, is if I started to sing about my feelings.” Please don’t sing...

“And... here I go.” He put on a grammaphone.

(slow, melancholy intro)

♪ I've always been happy ♪

♪ To call myself single ♪

♪ No Mary Jane ♪

♪ Or Lois Lane ♪

♪ With whom I'd co-mingle ♪

♪ You could say that I was ♪

♪ An unstackable Pringle ♪

He ate Pringles. Mmmmmm! Pringles.

♪ I've got originals signed ♪

♪ By Siegel and Shuster ♪

♪ But they don't satisfy ♪

♪ In the way that they used-ter ♪

Suddenly Milo playing a guitar while Strawberry played Jack White’s drums sang aggressively as he taunted Comic Book Guy. Oh and I think Jack White wants his drums back...

♪ It really don't matter if you've got a Cap Anson ♪

♪ If you spend your nights in your underwear prancin' ♪

♪ With your cardboard stand ♪

♪ Of Scarlett Johansson! ♪

(yelling, grunting) Comic Book Guy fell into a box of merchandise.

♪ Guess I've always been lonely ♪

♪ But I've never revealed it ♪

♪ Dropped my heart into Mylar ♪

♪ And then... (sobs) ♪

♪ Vacuum sealed... it. ♪

(quiet sigh)

Plot 2[]

Apparently that was all the first act...

Comic Book Guy gasped because Stan Lee was in his store smiling at him.

“Stan Lee! Or, is it my imagination?” He gasped.

“I'm your imagination.” said imagination Stan Lee. “The real Stan Lee's over there.”

“Excelsior!” The real Stan Lee stoke a comic and ran off. Call the cops!

”But listen, as comic book guys go, you're trim, friendly, and, quite a catch” said Stan Lee if Comic Book Guy’s imagination.

(laughs) Comic Book Guy laughed dryly.

”But now... your opportunity is knocking.” said Stan Lee as a Japanese anime fan girl came in with huge anime eyes!! Aaaaaagh!

“Huh...?!” Comic Book Guy gasped.

The Japanese girl took off her Anime eye glasses. Yes they were just glasses....

”Oh.” said Comic Book Guy. She was beautiful.

“Don't let it slip by.” said Stan Lee.

“Can you help me?” Comic Book Guy asked.

“I can only watch. I cannot interfere.” said Stan Lee disappearing in a puff of smoke.

“New Radioactive Man number one, please.” the Japanese girl asked.

”Come on, nudnik. Ask her out.” Stan Lee appeared.

“You're interfering.” said Comic Book Guy to his imagination.

“Hey, I'm 90 years old. I can do what I want.” said Stan Lee. He leaned on the till desk and smiled at the Japanese girl but of course since he is part of Comic Book Guy’s imagination she couldn’t see him.

”Um... Er...“ Comic Book Guy stammered.

“Stammer.” Stan Lee sighed.

”Eh... C-Can I sign you up for our frequent buyer's club? The Just Us League” Comic Book Guy asked the Japanese girl. “You would be member number 003. I-- I am the first two.”

“Sure. I am Kumiko Nakamura from Osaka.” Lol Osaka! Basically as anime fans would understand, people from Osaka are loud and crass like Hillbillies in America.

”I am visiting America's saddest cities, as research for my autobiographical manga. Volume Six, Springfield. Land of Angry Tears.“ said Kumiko showing Comic Book Guy a manga. “That's you. The man with sparkling eyes, and zigzag beard.” She had seen him before and drew him.

“You have seen me before?” Comic Book Guy asked fascinated.

“Yes. Through window.” said Kumiko. “But you don't see me. You're either looking down in disgust, or up in disdain. I think you have great soul.“

Comic Book Guy gasped flustered. This sweet girl loved him!

”Would you permit me to go in the back, and do a brief inventory?” Comic Book Guy asked.

“Of course.” Kumiko smilied.

(muffled): “She tolerates me!” said Comic Book Guy from the back room. “Ah... Is it too soon to give you flowers in a Hulk hand?” He returned with flowers he held while wearing a Hulk Hand.

”It is the perfect time.“ Kumiko smiled. Well now you’ve caught your girl Comic Book Guy. Woohoo!

...

Meanwhile.

Homer tries to take Bart and Milhouse with him into Moe’s late at night. They’re still asleep in his arms.

”Hey hey hey! You can’t bring kids in here! And besides I’m closing!” said Moe as all the barflies were asleep in a drunken stupor.

”But I had a hard day....” Homer whined.

”Homer it’s two AM! Go home to Midge!” Moe insisted.

Homer sighed and went home.

...

The next day. At the Simpsons house.

(doorbell rings) The door rings.

(humming happily) Homer hums and answers the door. Comic Book Guy is there. “Hmm? (yelling): Bart! Your comic vendor's here.” Homer yelled to Bart.

“Uh, actually, it is you that I am here to see.” said Comic Book Guy. “I, um, I need your help. I am getting ready for a date.” (stammers) “The closest thing I have to a father is the Obi-Wan doll in my store. And he comes from a race of celibate knights.”

“Anakin was in love with Padme and had kids with her before he turned evil and became Vader...” said Oscar.

”Do not try to school me in movie and nerd trivia! I knew that! And he had to keep his relationship a secret because it wasn’t allowed! A commoner dating the young queen! So it doesn’t count!” said Comic Book Guy.

”Yes it does...” said Oscar.

Homer shoved him out of the way.

“I will help you. As long as our bellies never touch again like they are right now.” said Homer their bellies were stuck together.

“Ew!” Homer and Comic Book Guy groaned.

“Oh...!“ Marge gasped in disgust.

...

“Why pick me?” Homer asked still at the door with Comic Book Guy.

“Because you are the only fat man in real life who ever got a hot woman.” said Homer.

“I’m sure that’s not true and that’s hypocritical commenting on Homer’s weight, Butterball...” said Oscar.

“Hey.” Homer yelled annoyed.

”Ooh...” Marge was touched. (laughs) “Well, come in. I'll explain how it all works.” said Marge.

”Okay. It helps if she's got a mother she's trying to get back at.“ said Homer as Marge smartens Comic Book Guy up in a nice suit.

“Homer I didn’t marry you to get at my mother...” said Marge as she did Comic Book Guy’s tie.

“Aw... No woman will be able to resist you, dressed like this.” said Marge as the Simpsons minus their children who were likely unsupervised again!! were outside the Android’s dungeon with Comic Book Guy dressed for a date. “Now, remember, don't be the way you normally are and sustain that for the rest of your life.“

”CBG why didn’t you ask for our help when you were dating Edna? Or when you fancied that lady with braces handing in water damaged Little Lulu comics?” Oscar sighed.

”Hey! Only I may reference continuity!” said Comic Book Guy.

“Oh and don’t forget when you dated Skinner’s Mom!” Oscar added.

Homer sighed.

”Sorry Funny Face, but Matt’s decided you’ve moved on...” said Agnes in a sultry manner.

Kumiko arrived.

“Kumiko, uh, meet my dear friends uh, Homer and Marge Simpson.” said Comic Book Guy introducing Homer and Marge.

”Hey.” said Homer.

”Ciao!” said Marge.

“I-In my country, it is a tradition to bring a much older couple on a first date. It is not in any way, weird, or-or sad.” said Comic Book Guy.

“Hey we’re not that much older than you! Um rude!” Homer huffed annoyed.

‘Does anyone tell you that you look like the man on a box of Mr. Sparkle?” Kumiko asked Homer. Omg!

“Aka ni taishte burei da! Yogore o yaburu!” Homer said in Japanese.

“In Japan, drinking your detergent is a popular method of suicide.” said Kumiko. Eeeeew....

(gasps) “Honki da yo?!“ said Homer horrified.

”Cooool! I am gonna have you talk Japanese all the time! It would hilarious!” said Oscar.

“Kumiko, for you, we chose the coolest restaurant in town.” said Comic Book Guy as they were suddenly in an American barn house rooting tooting restaurant that serves loaded potato skins.... Mmmmmm potato skins...

The restaurant was called Chuck Dukewagon's All American Chow Lounge.

The Lovejoy were there for some reason. Maybe they have a life outside the church...

“But the walls are covered with garbage.” said Kumiko. Uh, rude!!

There was a mutant squirrel from the movie mounted on the wall.

“Oh...“ Marge sighed. Kumiko did not like the decorations.

“Not garbage, Americana.” said Homer.

“Here's some more Americana, that bubbled up in the swamp.” Cleatus arrived with a sack and dumped garbage all over the restaurant floor.

Marge winced embarrassed.

Squeaky Voiced Teen arrived with their food. A potato skin sampler. Mmmmmmmmm! “Here you go: Your All-American Fifty State Potato Skin Sampler. Okay: Wisconsin, cheddar. Maryland, blue crab.” Mmmmmm! Maryland blue crab...

Comic Book Guy was annoyed they weren’t in any order. Alphabetical or Geographical. “They're neither in alphabetical, nor geographical order. What-What madness is this?”

Oscar inhaled. “Madness...”

”Oh no...” Marge moaned.

”THIS IS SPRINGFIELD!!” Oscar did a This is Sparta meme.

”Worst meme ever!” said Comic Book Guy.

“Please, sir. Ask your questions after all 50 "tates."” Squeaky Voiced Teen asked.

“Even the Tate Modern?!” said Oscar.

Homer face palmed exasperated.

“I cannot hide the snide inside.“ Comic Book Guy seethed.

”Oh. I don't mind. If you think it's a stupid, say it's a stupid.“ said Kumiko.

“Really?” Comic Book Guy asked.

”In Japan, no one ever says what they think. We know our game shows are degrading and our baseball fences are too close. But no one says anything.“ said Kumiko.

“I told Mr Wink what I though of his deadly gameshow. He yelled at me and accused me of being patronising...” said Oscar.

(gasps) Comic Book Guy gasped and got up to insult the restaurant.

”Attention, restaurateurs!“ said Comic Book Guy.

(diners murmuring)

“You should've spent less on the kitsch, and more on the kitch-en.” said Comic Book Guy. Oh that’s cold! “With this bowl of Chuck's Cherokee Salsa, I baptize you mediocre, at best.” (laughs) He flicked Cherokee salsa at Squeaky Voiced Teen as if he was baptising him. “American nerd snark is the finest in the world.”

“Let's go walking and mocking in the rain.” said Kumiko taking Comic Book Guy out of the restaurant.

“I'm in love! And, yet, still a little bitter. It's surprising.” said Comic Book Guy as they left.

”I’m very sorry. He’s always extremely rude... your potato skin sampler is actually awesome.” said Oscar apologising to Squeaky Voiced Teen.

...

Japanese pop music played as Comic Book Guy and Kumiko had a romantic picnic and listened to Jar Jar Bonks in the crucifixion of Jar Jar Bonks.

“Father, why-sa you-sa forsake-a me-sa?“ said Jim Jam Bonks or Jar Jar.

Oscar laughed hysterically as he listened to it on his own Mypod.

Then they went to the park and Comic Book Guy pushed a kid into the pond and Kumiko giggled.

Then they went to a costume convention at Bi Fi Sci Fi Con.

Comic Book Guy was dressed as a Stargate portal. Kumiko went dressed as a Sailor Moon character. Then she jumped into Comic Book Guy’s portal and came out the other side dressed as a Hogwarts student with a wand.

Milo and Strawberry were there being nice and actually applauding the new couple. Strawberry was also now heavily pregnant with a baby girl dressed as Batgirl, um did she grow the costume on herself or something?!

...

Bart, Milhouse, Martin and Oscar were in Bart’s treehouse reading comics.

”So Comic Book Guy has got himself a girlfriend...” said Oscar.

”Yes I know Oz, he asked my Mom and Dad to be gooseberries on his date.” said Bart.

”Mmmmmmm! Gooseberries...” Oscar moaned and drooled.

Bart grimaced.

”Oh and before you start. I am also aware of all of his ex girlfriends... and the time he nearly married Mrs K....” said Bart.

”Anyway I recorded you guys when you fell asleep in Homer’s arms waiting for your comics. Awwwww! You’re both so cute...” said Oscar revealing he some how recorded Bart and Milhouse when they were being carried by Homer.

Bart winced. “Oz I am not comfortable with you doing that! Delete that recording, now.”

Milhouse giggles. “You do look peaceful when you’re asleep though, Bart...”

Bart groaned annoyed.

”Anyhoo. What else shall we talk about chums?” Martin asked.

”Anything as long as it doesn’t involve you! Fartin Prince...” Bart was being hostile to Martin for some reason.

Oscar farted.

”Eeeeeeew! Oz...” Bart, Milhouse and Martin groaned.

”Sorry, one of the potato skins I had last night had habanero con carne in it...” said Oscar.

Plot 3[]

At Android’s Dungeon.

“Marge, Homer, you have nurtured our love like Steven Speilberg nurtured the careers of Zemeckis and Gale.” said Comic Book Guy.

(sympathetically): “Oh...” said Marge thankful.

”No one knows who those two guys that Spielberg nurtured are...” said Homer.

“So, we want you to know, I have decided to move in to the basement under his store.” said Kumiko.

“The Collector’s evil lair where he held Xena/Lucy Lawless hostage. Great...” said Oscar.

”Halloween episodes are not canon!” said Comic Book Guy. That one and the Hugo one are...

“At last, we'll be in the same bed. Just like Batman and Robin.” said Comic Book Guy. He had a comic featuring a gay Batman and Robin in bed.

“Time for Bed, Dick.” said Batman to Robin.

Hugo laughed hysterically.

”OMG! That’s sick! In some comics Dick Grayson is a kid still! I’m gonna throw up!” Oscar was disgusted.

“Uhh...” Homer cringed.

”Hmm...” Marge wasn’t sure about comparing Comic Book Guy’s relationship with a gay Batman comic was a good idea.

At the Simpsons in their backyard.

Homer was drinking a beer in his hammock.

“Homer, I want you to take Kumiko and Comic Book Guy a housewarming present, and maybe check in on them?” Marge asked him.

“We talked about this, Marge. The hammock is a chore-free zone.” said Homer. The hammock untied itself and Homer fell on his backside with a grunt.

“Apparently, including tying the knots on the hammock.” Marge sighed annoyed as she glared at Homef. The two trees fell over and termites crawled about. “And getting the termites out of the trees.” Then moles and gophers burrowed up from the ground and squeaked and ran about. (squeaking)

“Not a word.” Homer said annoyed.

At Android’s dungeon Homer encounters a Japanese guy. (Spoilers! He’s Kumiko’s father...)

(Japanese accent): “Excuse me, sir. I am looking for my daughter.” No wait that’s not right! Hold on! “Excuse me, sil. I am rooking fol my daughter! Ah so ah so!” said the man in a more authentic manner of Engrish. That’s better.

“I thought this was her residence,” Lesidence! You speak Wlongly! Me no rikey! “Fine! Lesidence... You are very racist Author!” No I’m not! And it’s Vely lacist from you slitty eyes!

“but all I see is a store full of, uh, non-pornographic manga.” Kumiko’s father continued.

“Mmmmmm hentai...” Oscar moaned with joy,

(gasps) “You're Kumiko's father?” Homer gasped. “Welcome, sensei.” He bowed time him.

”I am not a Kung fu instructor. I am a humble salary man who could kick your ass.” said Kumiko’s father.

“It’s saraly man! Ah so so! Say it ploperry! You stupid slit eyed gook!” Oscar was being racist to him for some reason...

”You are very racist young boy!” Kumiko’s father frowned.

”It’s Vely Lacist from you! Buck toothed gook! Shamefur dispray!” said Oscar pulling around his own eyelids to do Asian eyes.

“Say, has anyone told you you look like--“ Kumiko’s father asked Homer.

“I know. Mr. Sparkle. I get that a lot...” said Homer.

”I was going to say, like you're going to have a stroke.” said Kumiko’s father.

“Stloke!” Oscar corrected him.

(laughs) “I get that a lot too.” said Homer chuckling.

”Now, please,” Prease! Say it properly you Jap Gook! “Fine... Now prease, where is my daughter?” Kumiko’s father asked.

“Okay. She moved in with her boyfriend.” said Homer. “Well, he's not a boy. He's immature. But, fat and old.”

Kumiko’s father did not approve of this. “So, an obese nerd has stolen my daughter to live in his basement?” Kumiko’s father gasped.

”I didn't tell you about the basement.” Homer gasped.

“It was an obvious guess!” Kumiko’s father yelled.

...

(bell dings) He tries to force Kumiko to return home with him. Obviously Oscar will not allow this.

(crying) Kumiko crying.

“Daughter! You are coming back to Japan! There are 87 old people who need you to take care of them.” Kumiko’s father demanded.

“No. Please... Please. I was becoming cuddly.” Comic Book Guy whined. “I deleted rants from my blog.”

“You can retrieve rants if you did not empty your trash. Goodbye!” Kumiko’s father tried to to go off somewhere with Kumiko. “Get out of my way rat haired racist child!” But Oscar was in his way.

“SHUT UP!” Oscar snapped as his dark side awakened. “Do not insult my hair and I told you, you stupid slit eyed gook! It’s You can letlieve lants if you did not empty your tlash! Ah so ah so!”

Bart was mortified.

”You are not taking Kumiko back to Japan and stopping her from marrying who she wants! She will marry her beloved Comic Book Guy and you will not go anywhere near the wedding. Unless she invites you! If You do, I’ll call ICE on your gook ass and get you deported faster than you can say tempura!” Oscar ranted.

”Oz don’t use racist slurs...” Bart frowned.

”Risten hele...” Kumiko’s father got mad.

”No you risten hele! You will not attempt to leave the country with Kumiko! I am calling ICE to shut the boarders and keep you in here! And you’re barred from contacting Kumiko!” Oscar called the authorities.

”No Oscar Kun! I must see my Papa!” said Kumiko.

”Okay! You can see Kumiko.” Oscar sighed. “But you will not stop her marrying Comic Book Guy!”

”This ain’t over! You have made me Vely angly!” said Kumiko’s father.

”Oh I’m so scared! Bart’s country nuked yours once! They can nuke it again!”

”Oz we’re not nuking Japan!” Bart yelled.

...

Marge soo got wind of the commotion.

”Oh my! Where is Kumiko and her father now?” Marge asked.

”Kumiko’s with Comic Book Guy. Her father stormed of and is drinking in a sushi bar. The authorities have put him on a no fly list out of here unless he relents and leaves alone. He is not to take Kumiko...” said Oscar.

”Oz has gone on one of his tirades against old fashioned parents again like when Apu’s mother wanted him to marry Manjula...” Homer sighed.

”Homer I understand Oscar’s anger here! Kumiko can marry who she wants! With or without her father’s blessing!” Marge said sharply.

”Oz was also being racist again...” Bart added sighing.

”Oh... Oz...” Marge sighed. disappointed in Oscar.

...

Meanwhile Strawberry went into labor.

”I want her to go into conservative!” Oscar yelled.

Bart face palmed.

Milo took her to hospital and she gave birth to a healthy baby girl with red or strawberry blonde hair.

”Strawberry just like yours dear...” said Milo proud.

...

Homer took Comic Book Guy to Moe’s despite that he was thrown out for insulting it,

”I got some fruit schnapps...” said Moe.

Comic Book Guy was upset that Kumiko’s father did not approve of the marriage.

”Right now he’s in Sea-world Moe, killing all the whales and dolphins with a spear...” said Homer.

At Sea World. Kumiko’s father runs around stabbing the whales and dolphins with a spear.

”Fruck you dolphin! Fruck you whale!” He yelled frustrated over his daughter marrying a fat nerd.

At Moe’s Comic Book Guy was tearful.

“Now I know I've got a heart... because it's breaking.” Comic Book Guy sobbed. “Wizard of Oz reference!” He had a verbal tick where had to explain what he was referencing. “Did I do that? Urkle reference!” (panting) He panted exhausted. “Help me. Fire reference!” (panting): “I can't stop. I can't stop. Homer Simpson, this was your doing. And I want you to fix it.” He begged Homer.

”I have a bad feeling about this!” said Homer whimpering.

“Every action movie ever made reference!” yelled Comic Book Guy. “But especially Star Wars Episode 1! The Phantom Menace!”

“Homer you have to help him Now!” said Moe.

...

Meanwhile.

Bart and Oscar were reading the previous comic they were reading in the opening.

”I swear Mr Burns was on the writing stuff. Or bribed or threatened them.” said Oscar. Bart was blanking him because of him being racist to Kumiko’s father. Oscar instead turned to Lisa who was reading a book. “Look at this Lis. “Stop attacking that Nuclear Power Plant! It’s our countries safest resource!”” said Oscar reading a Radioactive Man comic.

Lisa gasped. “As if! Wind and solar power are far safer!”

”We’ll look how they portrayed Solar citizen and Wind Boy as wimps!” said Oscar.

Lisa frowned. “Bart put aside your anger at Oscar’s behaviour yesterday and listen! Mr Burns has clearly had a hand in writing this comic!” Lisa yelled.

”Oh sure... Radioactive Man, a Radioactive super hero who supports nuclear power is somehow in league with Mr Burns...” Bart sighed.

”Bart are you always this dumb...” Lisa sighed.

In a sushi restaurant.

“Yeah, Homer. We have much in common. We both love our daughters, and discipline our sons.” said Kumiko’s father.

“No... discipline would imply, I'm trying to make him better.” said Homer. He had long since given up on Bart.

“So... are you married?” Homer asked Kumiko’s father.

(sighs) “My dear Michiko has passed away. But she's always with me.” said Kumiko’s father.

”You promise double suicide.“ Kumiko’s mother as a ghost yelled.

“You hear what you want to hear.” Kumiko’s father yelled at his wife’s ghost. “Always with me.” he sighed. “Another drink! Something stronger!”

(creaks) The bar tender got it a dusty old bottle and blew off the dust. Bartender (dramatically): “Snake rice wine.” There was a bottle of rice whine with a snake inside. Eeeeew!

”Now, that's disgusting. Wine made of rice?“ Homer groaned in disgust.

“Try some.” said the chef pouring them both a glass.

”Hai.” said Homer saying cheers and drinking the wine.

(hissing) A snake lunged at the camera and we cut to Homer and Kumiko’s father stumbling home drunk.

(Homer slurring drunkenly)

(Mr. Nakamura drunkenly laughs)

(slurring): “Why didn't I stop with the snake wine? Why did I drink the fish wine?” Homer groaned.

”That was the aquarium.” said Mrs Nakamura drunk.

(quiet, gentle melody plays) They hallucinate they’re in every Studio Ghibli movie! XD!

They walk about the bath house of Spirited Away.

The shadows walk about and then they see No Face!

”Aaaaaagh! No Face!” Homer screamed.

Otto as the cat bus skids to a halt making a brake sound.

Ralph as a frog gets off the cat bus with his dad Clancy as a pig.

(engine humming) (tires screeching) Sound effects for Otto as the Cat Bus.

Homer and Mr Nakamura stop at Krusty’s Krusty Burger. The ghosts of horses, gorillas and giraffes appear from smoke.

“You didn't see nothin'. Scram.” Japanese Krusty yelled.

Homer and Kumiko’s father flee past frog Smithers and Mayor Quimby as a purple blob.

They encounter No Face again.

”Aaaaagh!” Homer screamed.

Patty and Selma are witches on brooms referencing Kiki’s delivery Service.

Skinner is a box kite.

Patty and Selma fly into a building called Department of Magical vehicles. Standing outside it is Gerald as the giant baby from Spirited Away.

Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney are a three headed Haku from Spirited Away. Dolph breaths fire and sets light to Jimbo’s hat.

The Kwik e Mart grows giant mechanical legs as a steam punk vehicle and walks off.

(clanking) stuff smashes inside the walking Kwik e Mart. “Uh! I am ruined by whimsy.” Apu cries.

Milhouse is a giant flying nose! XD.

“The good thing is, soon I'll be a beautiful swan.” said Milhouse as a giant flying nose.

(cackling) Agnes as a fairy godmother turns him into a dodo. “Aw...”

(whimpers) “What's going on here?” Homer is frightened by being trapped in a Studio Ghibli film.

Bart and Lisa are a two headed snail with two front ends with end. “We'll explain it. The rice wine has penetrated to the essence of your souls.” said Lisa.

”Yeah, listen to my tail.“ said Bart.

“You're the tail!” Lisa yelled.

”No... You're the tail.” said Bart.

(yelling) the giant snail fights among its two heads...

“Dad! Bart's stomach foot is on my half of the shell!“ Lisa yelled.

(screaming) they are squabbling.

“Why, you slimey little--“ Homer strangled Bart Snail.

“Ow!” Bart whined.

(both grunting)

(grunting)

However Homer’s hands turn into wings and Bart finds him rubbing his neck comfortable. “Ooh. Hey, that actually feels good. (grunting) Oh, yeah. More. A little bit more.” Bart sighs. “Right there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.” Homer grunts trying to strangle him.


“Enough nonsense! I came here for my daughter!” said Mr Nakamura.

Kumiko is a fairy singing.

♪ I-I am a golden bird ♪

♪ And I love the comic nerd ♪

♪ Of this, I won't be cured ♪

♪ Papa-san, Papa-san. ♪

Kumiko shrieks as No Face grabs her.

Homer screamed.

Kumiko cries.

Mr Nakamura unmasks No face to find he is a dark nightmare version of himself!

“The monster is me.” said Mr Nakamura.

”Who... 'da thunk it?” said Homer.

(weeping) Kumiko as a fairy cries.

(thunder rumbling) Studio Ghibli Oscar attacks No Face Nakamura with lightning magic.

Plot 4[]

(sighs) Homer and Mr Nakamura wake up in an alleyway. It is raining.

“Homer, drinking that snake wine, and going to White Castle afterwards, really opened my eyes.” said Mr Nakamura.

“I went there to see Harold and Kumar.” said Oscar in a bin for some reason. Um he’s being a grouch. “No.... I’m not author... stop referencing that...”

”Uh?” Homer asked Kumiko’s father.

”I should let my daughter go! Let her marry whoever she loves!” said Mr Nakamura.

...

At school Bart is in detention writing the alternative chalkboard gag if you’re watching a repeat of this episode. The Judas Priest one is the gag when the episode first broadcasted.

His chalkboard gag read: “If you haven’t broken your Christmas presents yet, you’re not trying hard enough.”

Elsewhere Blob Homer was back. He was rampaging through Springfield eating everyone.

(Screaming)

(Homer moaning with hunger as he grabs people and eats them,) Blob Homer oozed about eating people.

Oscar got aroused thinking about being eaten/absorbed by blob Homer.

...

At Android’s dungeon.

“Mr. Nakamura, I have used my hitherto unmentioned chemical engineering degree to get a real job at the Springfield Phosphate Works. They're giant polluters. But... the CEO is a woman. It's very vexing.” said Comic Book Guy. Lisa frowned, Hey what is wrong with a woman being a CEO?! She yelled inside her head. “Now, have I proven myself worthy of your daughter?”

(firmly): “No.” said Mr Nakamura.

“Please, take your time.” Comic Book Guy begged.

“You were worthy! The way you were.” said Mr Nakamura. “It is I that was wrong!”

“I-- I was? But I rented the store. I eBayed my stool.” Eeeeeew!

“Eeeeeeeew!” Oscar groaned.

”A chair without a back Oz.... not poop....” Bart groaned.

“Cancel the sale.“ said Mr Nakamura.

“But then my seller rating will go down...” Comic Book Guy whined.

“Stop being nerd!” said Mr Nakamura.

”Yes, Papa-san.“ said Comic Book Guy.

”Don’t call me that!” said Mr Nakamura.

...

At a comic Book convention wedding.

“Geekly beloved, we are gathered here in the eyes of me, King of the Cameos, Stan Lee.” said Stan Lee. “To celebrate the wedding of, Comic Book Guy, real name Jeff Albertson, and Kumiko Nakamura. Does anyone wish to offer any thoughts, on this blessed occasion?“

”Yes.” said Comic Book Guy. (clears throat) “I-I-I would like to say something. Um, since I met Kumiko, strangely, comic books no longer seem so important. I will also be selling greeting cards. And, every day, I will give one to Kumiko in commemoration of today, with the salutation, "Best... Day... Ever."“

”And I will be selling sweaters with my kawaii desu teddy bear design.’ Kumiko mentioned her pink teddy bear hoodie. “I already made one one sale.”

Toon Link from Triforce Heroes was wearing a sweater with a cartoon teddy bear head on the front. The Bear Minimum Digs.

Bart winced.

“Awwwwwwww!” said all the nerds. And Milo and Strawberry who was holding their newborn baby daughter. Oh and the Simpsons and Oscar were there and Mr Nakamura.

“Ghost Wife, are you happy?” Mr Nakamura asked his wife’s ghost.

”Kind of!“ said his wife as a ghost.

(traditional Japanese music playing)

In Studio Ghibli/Anime land!

Milhouse as a dodo thing: “How long am I gonna stay this way?”

“As long as we keep drinkin' this.” said Homer and Mr Nakamura drinking snake wine. (clink) Then it took him all this time to realise that a dead cobra was in the wine flavouring it. “Aaaaaaaagh! Cobra! Aaaaaaagh! Cobra! Cobras!!” Homer screamed.

Mr Nakamura drunk on Snake Wine winced.

”Um, he’s afraid of cobras.” said Bart.

Dolph as one of the heads of the three headed dragon: “Give us your eggs!”

“I'm a boy!” Dodo Milhouse whined.

”We said eggs.” said Kearney.

(all laughing) They bullies laughed as Milhouse as a bird laid an egg painfully. The egg hatched and a baby Milhouse bird dragon breathed fire at the bullies.

“Yes!” Milhouse cheered.

”Coooool!” said Oscar.

The End!

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