Luann Van Houten

Luann Van Houten
Gender
Status
Alias(es)	Mom Mrs. Van Houten Four-Eyed Woman (by Paula)
Hair	Blue
Age	37
Occupation	Housewife
Relatives	Parents: Enzo Mussolini and Sophie Mussolini Sister: Maria Mussolini Half Brother: Bastardo Husband/First Cousin: Kirk Van Houten Children: Hannah Van Houten and Milhouse Van Houten Daughter-in-Law (Future): Lisa Simpson Grandchildren (Future): Zia Van Houten and Chase Van Houten Brother or Brother-in-Law: Unidentified Parents-in-Law: Unidentified and Unidentifed Stepmother-in-Law: Unidentified Brother-in-Law: "Zack" Van Houten Niece by Marriage: Annika Van Houten Other Relatives: Van Houten Family, Mussolini Family
First Appearance	Homer Defined
Voiced By	Maggie Roswell

Luann Van Houten (née Mussolini) is the remarried wife (and cousin) of Kirk Van Houten and the mother of Milhouse Van Houten.

Biography

Luann is apparently of Italian and Greek descent. Her mother, Sophie, is Italian, although Luann never speaks Italian or is seen with her mother (who remains in Italy with Luann's half-brother, Bastardo). Luann was born in Shelbyville, a town founded on the principle of freedom to marry one's cousins. Her birthday is December 1. She lacks the stereotypical exaggerated mannerisms associated with most other Italian-Americans in Springfield, such as Fat Tony or the chef Luigi Risotto. When younger, she went to "Camp Land-A-Man" (which basically served as a finishing school) with Marge, Patty and Selma, the future Helen Lovejoy (maiden name unknown), and future realtor Cookie Kwan.

Luann was married to her cousin Kirk Van Houten and gave birth to Milhouse. Their marriage came to an unhappy end; after an argument over a game of Pictionary, she leaves Kirk. Although Kirk found single life tough, Luann used her newfound freedom and heretofore stifled promiscuity to live life in the fast lane. Luann began dating American Gladiator Pyro shortly after her divorce, but was caught cheating on Pyro with his (former) best friend, Gyro. It is implied that Luann had a one-night stand with Otto in the episode Moe Letter Blues after Otto tells Kirk "even I hooked up with your old lady" before apologizing to Milhouse, who says that Otto is his "favorite uncle". Even while married to Kirk she attended a key party at which she slept with Dr. Hibbert. Luann also dated Apu, Disco Stu, and Captain McCallister.

When the Van Houtens are on the verge of reuniting, Bart and Milhouse hatch a scheme to get them to separate again (because Milhouse enjoyed their fighting over him and trying to buy his love). The scheme backfires and nearly results in the separation of Homer and Marge. Since then, they are often seen together. After some years, they plan to marry again. Their honeymoon goes terrible when they are lost at sea and stranded on an island, believed to be dead. When they are rescued, they go back to Springfield, fully reconciled.

Even though they ultimately got back together, they are shown to still have some marital issues. For example, in Bobby, It's Cold Outside, Milhouse admits when reluctantly refusing to jot down Bart's last words that Luann deliberately locked Kirk out of the house and threatened to take away Milhouse's presents if he so much as even tries to let Kirk inside.

Milhouse and his parents all look so much alike that Bart once asked if Luann and Kirk were siblings. In the season 26 episode "Let's Go Fly a Coot", Milhouse reveals that his parents are actually cousins.

Friends

• Helen Lovejoy
• Edna Krabappel
• Agnes Skinner
• Maude Flanders (formerly)
• Marge Simpson (sometimes)
• Homer Simpson

Enemies

• Marge Simpson (sometimes)
• Kirk Van Houten (formerly)
• Bart Simpson (sometimes)
• Paula Skinner
• Marilyn Muntz
• Charles Montgomery Burns
• Russ Cargill

Appearance

Luann has bob-cut blue hair and red round glasses. She wears many different outfits. She sometimes wears white pearl earrings. She also had thick blue eyebrows that, according to Kirk, were fake.

Trivia

• She was apparently born without eyebrows, as Kirk once mentioned that she drew them on badly.
• Apparently, she may not have been a good cook, as Kirk Van Houten, during the dinner party with the Simpson family, implied twice that he hadn't had a decent breakfast since he was in the army, and thought he would get a decent breakfast from high school hooligans egging their Bonneville if they threw him some bacon.
• She apparently frequently told bedtime stories to Milhouse filled with negative vibes about his father, such as how "rotten" it was to be married to a "loser" or the fact that he carries a change purse.
• In the episode "Dumbbell Indemnity" she is shown dancing with Pyro, but has brown hair instead of her usual blue hair.
• She lives next door to Elizabeth Hoover.
• She has a real estate license.
• She once gave Milhouse a Bar Mitzvah card, even though none of the Van Houtens are Jewish and, even if they were, Milhouse would be too young for a Bar Mitzvah as you need to be age thirteen to have one.
• Prior to getting back together with Kirk, Luann showed traits of being a narcissistic parent, a form of abusive parenting. Luann is neglectful of Milhouse, ignores the bullying he endures at school, is overprotective of him, and she often manipulated him by demonizing Kirk. Luann always based her decisions on how it impacted herself rather than how it impacted Milhouse and refused to maintain a healthy relationship with Kirk for the sake of Milhouse's psyche.
• Despite being Italian, she doesn't speak with an Italian accent.
• Paula calls Luann "Four-Eyed Woman".