Love On The Rocks It’s like Judge me Tender but without Moe’s storyline. Bart and Homer take Santa’s little Helper to an Ugliest dog competition where Krusty fresh out of community service from the last episode (Elementary School Musical7 is judging however some of his comments when judging the ugly dogs are a little too close to being about his wife and reveals his marriage to Penelope is over. Or is it?
The title gag is Ned as an angel flying about with wings and a Halo. Oh my god! He died! Oh well, at least he gets to see Maude again. Ned hugs angel Maude and they kiss.
The billboard gag is “Krusty’s one year sobriety special. CANCELLED.” Probably because he turned up drunk.
The chalkboard gag is “The ending to LOST. It was all the dog’s dream. Watch us!” Lost is that programme on a deserted island with a plane crash and a polar bear and cult conspiracy.
The couch gag is a Punch and Judy style puppet show with Bart and Homer puppets. The Bart puppet gets hit with a stick by the Homer puppet so it strangles the Homer puppet.
“Why you little!” Homer yells and strangles Bart under the puppet stage.
Baby Eric wearing a babygro giggles and laughs at the show.
The episode starts one night at the Simpsons house with Homer and Bart painting something on the dog.
Homer laughs. “That is disgusting!”
“Hold on there’s still a spot that looks good.” said Bart painting on the dog.
“So do we have a winner?” Oscar asked holding a small cartoon paint brush with some blue paint on it.
Santa’s little Helper has a blue tongue, Bart’s old nerd glasses and pretty eyelashes. And pink bows tying his ears and head.
“Hmmmmmm...” said Homer reading the Ugly dog competition poster. “Not ugly enough!” Homer explains what he is looking for. “I want something that looks like this...” He has a news article on Bat Boy. A bald vampire boy.
“Ay carumba!” Bart yelled in shock.
“Had a baby with this.” Homer continued showing a picture of Mr Burns. “And that baby got sat on by this!” He shows a picture of Aunt Selma.
“I think I’ve come up with the answer!” said Bart drawing. He showed Homer the drawing.
“Oh my God!” Homer gasped. “You’ve never failed to nauseate me yet, boy.” Homer roughly and boisterously tousled Bart’s hair.
“Just call me Barf Simpson!” said Bart smugly.
“I wanted to, but your mother said kids would make fun of you.” said Homer. “Then she... wanted to call you Louie...”
Homer had a flashback of when Marge was pregnant with Bart and unknowingly at the time Hugo. Well of course at the time she didn’t know Bart was twins. And he spent most of ultrasounds mooning Dr Hibbert.
“What shall we call him?” Homer asked Marge.
“How about Louie?” Marge asked.
“But then the kids will call him Screwy Louie!” Homer whined.
Marge then came in. “Hmmmmmmm! I really wish you wouldn’t give the dog weird makeovers...” Marge sighed. “And Bart! Are those your old glasses?!”
“Mom we’re putting Santa’s little Helper in the ugly dog competition tomorrow. At the pet fair remember?” Bart replied.
“Oh.” said Marge. “Well you shouldn’t say the dog is ugly. You’ll upset him.”
“He knows we don’t mean it!” said Homer.
The next day the Simpsons were at a county fair.
The sign read, “Springfield Pet Fair.” and below it. “Meet the Stuffed dog from Frasier.”
Martin Crane From Frasier as Matheus Terwilliger. Sideshow Bob’s real father. They disowned him for not being snobbish and intellectually gifted. (Or murderously homicidal) Cried in anguish at the sign.
“Yes father... it’s upsetting...” said Cecil Terwilliger as he and his brother Bob took their biological father to the state fair.
Then the Simpsons arrived missing Bart’s archenemy. They parked up and got out. Homer was carrying a pet carrier. Santa’s little Helper was inside. Homer was chuckling. “Half an hour till showtime, your ugliness! Hehehe!”
“Homer stop that! You’ll upset him! He’s a very sweet dog!” Marge told off Homer.
“He knows we don’t mean it!” said Homer whining.
“Dad, do you realise we have put in more time and effort into this than all my schoolwork combined?!” Bart asked.
“But if we win this, we get a gift certificate!” said Homer.
“For what?” Bart asked.
Homer chuckled. “Doesn’t matter.”
They are in the fair proper, passing all the stalls. Homer went to get Santa’s Little Helper registered for the competition.
There was whack a real mole. People whacking actual moles with mallets. Oh dear... Lisa is not gonna like that... And a mongoose and cobra psychiatrist. A man was trying to stop a mongoose and a cobra killing each other as a cobra hissed.
Cleatus was running a stall labelled “get your pet skunks" destriped. Ie the stripes painted black. Personally getting their stink glands removed would be far more useful Cleatus. There was a line of people holding skunks.
Then a Socialize your hermit crabs stall. An Ant farm foreclosure. Mmmmm... ant mortgage...
Marge hummed while going past the chimp diapers stall run by Sideshow Mel. Drederick Tatum arrived.
“Good morning sir!” said Mel.
“How ya doing?” Drederick Tatum replied. “I am looking for a diaper for my chimp that won’t upset my tiger’s stomach if he eats the chimp.”
“No problem! Our chimp diapers have that nutty cinnamon taste that tigers love!” said Sideshow Mel. Eeeeew!
Drederick Tatum tastes a chimp diaper. Eeeeew! “Mmmmm! It’s a great time to be a tiger!”
Crash Bandicoot cried in fear and flinched.
“I’m sorry Crash but you leave me little recourse. I’m gonna have to eat your face.” said Drederick Tatum to Crash, because he is the gay Mike Tyson Tiny Tiger.
“Right that’s it! Stop ruining Tiny Tiger! He doesn’t talk like that! He’s like Rrrrrrrr! Me crush Crash! Me talk like me stupid! Grrrrrrrr!” Oscar yelled. “Oh and Mel I need some diapers for my capuchin and do you have any to fit a nine year old boy?” Oscar was buying diapers for his capuchin and himself.
“Yes Oscar.” said Sideshow Mel.
Children were laughing while playing at the pet fair.
Lisa found Ned with his Jesus fish again. I have a sense of Deja vu I made this gag before. He had an aquarium with angelfish inside with the word Jesus on them as markings.
“Wow! Mr Flanders where did you get these wonderful fish?” Lisa asked Ned.
Ned chuckled. “Well Lisa to tell you the truth, God made some similar fish and I just took them and bred them until I got a whole new batch with these holy markings!”
Lisa smirked with a look of smugness. “So that’s the origin of this species?”
“Yes indeed- Ohohohoho! Almost got me!” Ned chuckled at her attempts to get him to accept evolution.
A Jesus fish hopped out of the tank and breathed air.
“Not on my watch!” said Ned to the fish putting it back in the tank.
Eventually the main event started. The ugly dog contest. Krusty was judging.
Moe wanted a seat but no one wanted to sit next to him.
“Uh this is for a soy packet.” said Lindsey Naegal.
Moe sighed. “Geez you know you’re hated when they don’t even try with excuses... yeah I get it, screw you! I hope you choke!” Comic book Guy undid his belt so his flab occupied the seat next to him and Luanne put her jacket on one so everyone saw her bra.
“Ah here we go!” said Moe finding a seat.
“Oh no you don’t!” said Agnes setting fire to the seat next to her. It burnt up.
Moe muttered rude comments about her under his breath.
“Over here Moe! You can have my Dad’s seat while his on stage!” said Lisa.
Moe was tearfully happy. “Thanks Lisa! Thank you so much!” He sat next to Lisa. She got up and made rude faces at the other townsfolk.
“Why you ill mannered sack of crap!” Agnes yelled.
Krusty was now judging the dogs.
“Whoa! That one’s so ugly it reminds me of my Ex wife! Ha!” Krusty laughed.
Bart and Lisa gasped in horror.
“Oh no! Poor Penelope!” Lisa said sorrowfully. Even in canon this episode is after the one where Krusty marries Penelope so he must be talking about her...
“That one looks like her lawyer.” said Krusty.
“Congressmen... the elderly... commercials...” said Krusty. “Bella Abzug”
“Yeah we’ve heard your stand up clown now shut up!” said Moe.
“Everyone’s a comedian...” Krusty sighed.
“Except you!” Moe heckled him.
“Fine! You stand up here and entertain!” Krusty yelled.
“Go Moe! Go Moe! Go Moe!” Everyone cheered.
“Okay, I will!” said Moe. He got up and judged the ugly dogs.
“Hey look! Two train wrecks tied together with a belt!” He said about one dog.
“Whoa! I wouldn’t say it was ugly but PETA called and said we should kill this one!” said Moe.
Everyone laughed except some angry PETA workers.
“And now... owned by the ugliest family in Springfield!” said Bart coming on with Santa’s little Helper. “Satan’s Little Helper!” He presented his dog’s behind and pulled off a black cloak. Everyone gasped horrified at the face he made on Santa’s Little Helper’s butt.
“Whoa! That’s so ugly even the Koreans wouldn’t touch it!” said Moe. Mmmmmm! Koreans eating dogs...
Oscar was sat with some Koreans eating dog meat.
“We have a winner!” said Krusty giving Bart a ribbon and a gift certificate.
After the competition the Simpsons celebrated winning at the expense of humiliating poor Santa’s little Helper.
They then thought the crowd wanted to greet them.
“Oh! Everyone is coming over! Humble faces everyone!” said Marge. Everyone smiled. “Humbler than that.” Everyone smiled awkwardly and Homer was squeezing an old man hat and Bart was twiddling his feet. “Lisa too humble!” Lisa was being too humble.
However everyone wanted to see Moe and asked him to judge things.
“Judge my baby!” someone held up a baby.
“Say something cruel about me!” said Apu.
”Uh no... SJWs might get offended and cancel us...” said Moe.
“Will you do my kid’s birthday party?” Asked Krusty.
”Oh yeah, you have a long lost daughter!” Moe realised.
Everyone cheered. “Go Moe! Go Moe! Go Moe!”
Then Lindsey Naegal liked Moe.
“I don’t need your fair weather friendship!” said Moe.
Lindsey made a dejected purr.
“Is what I’ll say tomorrow morning! Oh yeah!” said Moe taking his new girlfriend home.
Everyone cheered as he left.
Bart and Lisa found Krusty leaving the fair to go home.
“Krusty! Krusty!” Bart and Lisa went after him.
“Oh it’s you two again. How’s my biggest fans...” said Krusty.
“Can the sweet talk Krusty, is it true?! You’ve divorced Penelope?!” Bart asked shocked.
“Yes! It wasn’t her, it was me. I don’t do relationships very well! I screw up! Or I get bitter and twisted like I was earlier! Ooooh! I shouldn’t say those things about Penelope. She’s a sweet woman...” said Krusty.
“Yes she is! How can you break her heart like this?!” Lisa scolded Krusty.
“Ooooooh! I’m a terrible husband! Just like I’m a terrible father!” Krusty cried and fled back to his mansion.
Bart and Lisa shrugged.
In Moe’s his friends were praising his judging skills.
”Eh, that’s nothing... I’m always being mean to animals.” said Moe.
A man with an outrageous moustache cane in. “Good evening sir! I am about to enter an outrageous beard contest and want you to be a judge!” said a man with an outrageous beard and moustache.
“A beard contest! That’s where the bigwigs play!” said Moe. “Can I do this?!”
“Come on Moe!”
“Please!” said the barflies and beard guy.
“Okay but ask me as ladies.” said Moe.
The men begged in girly voices.
“Hehehehe! Oh you!” The barflies and beard man spoke in girly voices.
“Okay you crazy dames! I will!” said Moe.
“However. That means there’s no one to run the bar! I’ll have to close!” said Moe.
The barflies whine.
“Oh come on Moe!”
“Don’t be like that!”
”I’ll have to drink better beer at home, for half the price! With my family! And natural light!” Homer whined.
Moe sighed. “I really didn’t want to do this...” he went near some rifles displayed on a large gun bracket but switched the lights on and off fast. Wheeeeeee!
The barflies ran out screaming.
“Heh! Just like cockroaches...” said Moe. Cockroaches fled.
Lisa somehow arrived as a Girl Scout selling candy.
“Hey Mr Moe! Would you like some candy?” said Lisa. Yes I know his surname is Szyslak.
Moe switched the lights on and off rapidly. Wheeeeee!
Lisa frowned. “That doesn’t work on me...”
“Well... here’s a scary face! Bleeeeeeh!” Moe made a scary face.
Lisa just laughed. “That’s not scary! That’s just funny!”
Moe sighed and reached in his pocket for money and bought some candy from Lisa.
Homer got home early while Marge was cutting up a carrot. If this was Family Guy the carrot would be screaming.
“Moe’s closed early Eh...” she asked dryly.
“Yeah...” said Homer.
Suddenly they made out passionately and snogged. Moe appeared in a thought cloud.
“Yes Homer, you’re much happier there!” said Moe.
“Would you like some band candy?” Lisa appeared in the thought cloud to offer Moe some band candy.
“What?! Even in a thought cloud I have to buy candy!” Moe was annoyed as he bought candy from Lisa.
Meanwhile in his bedroom Bart was Skyping Krusty and Penelope. Penelope had gone to France.
“Can we hurry this up? I have to get back to watching comedians who are funnier than me and steal their jokes...” said Krusty.
Penelope cried at his cruel behaviour.
“Okay listen up! I am going to get you both back together, and I’m gonna do it better than Jerry or Dr Phil!” Bart paused. “For half the price.”
“But why?! You didn’t even want us to marry in the first place?!” said Krusty.
“I was being selfish! Penelope loves you! She loves every part of you!”
Penelope sung beautifully.
“Okay but seeing my favourite Kids show turn into a girly princess fest was annoying though Princess Penelope...” said Bart.
“When I’m not on TV it’s just Penelope.” said Penelope. “We’re after the saaaaaame! Rainbows end... my huckleberry friend... moonriveeeeeer and meeeeeeeee...”
Bart cried tears, fountains of tears. “Stop! That’s so wonderful even Tintin would cry!” Bart said while crying.
Krusty also crying. “Ohhoohoohoo... now I know why I married you! Because of your beautiful voice! Aaaaah! (Crying sounds)”
Meanwhile Moe was a beard contest. A guy had an octopus beard.
“That looks like you ate a Rastafarian and he’s coming back up on ya!” said Moe.
Everyone laughed and cheered.
Rich Texan loved his put downs.
“I love your hatred! Your bile! Your scathing insults! As a judge of judges I want to make you famous! Put it there partner!”
They shook hands.
”I want to see more of your hilarious hatred!” said Rich Texan.
”Yeah because you’re a hardline republican everything, especially racism and cruel remarks is hilarious to you...” Lisa ranted as she sat in the writers room with Oscar while he wrote the episode.
Moe in a musical interlude judged a car contest he gave Danny Zuko from Grease a bad score and shook his head. Danny pushed his blue car off of a cliff.
He watched Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney wreck a sandcastle building competition by smashing up the sandcastles. But we pan out to find it is a bullying competition. Moe gives Dolph first prize.
At home Homer being around annoyed Marge as he creeped her out by appearing out of nowhere.
“Hello!” said Homer.
“Nyaaaaaaagh!” Marge screamed.
Outside in the garden the garden the dog was sad and hiding in his dog house.
“Can I help?” Homer asked.
“Yes. You can comfort the dog. I told you that ugly dog competition would give him a complex!” said Marge.
Homer got Lisa to do that job instead.
”How about I help you cook?” Homer asked.
”Well I’ll just get the-Nyaaaaagh!” Marge jumped because Homer appeared from no where. “I’ll cook this later...”
Snowball II was sleeping on the couch. Marge sighed. “I’ll see what’s on TV.” She sat down but screamed because she found she was sitting on Homer’s lap.
”What’s on dear?” Homer asked.
”Never mind... I’ll read a book...” Marge read a book but was confused because Homer had obviously added a page in the book that read in typed letters, “What are you reading? By Homer J Simpson.”
”After the first page it’s just Bob Dole’s memoirs...” said Homer.
Lisa talked to the dog like he might respond.
“You have lots of great qualities! I’d kill for your sense of smell!” said Lisa. Oscar screams in horror at the thought of Lisa killing people. “You have a firm handshake! And when you wag your tail it lights up the room!” Santa’s little Helper cheered up and licked her. “Now let’s scoot together.”
They scooched about on their butts to classical music, I think the Death March until Oscar came past scooting on his butt with a pained expression.
“Eeeeeew! Oz! Do you have worms again?!” Lisa groaned.
“Oz take your banana flavoured medicine for worms...” said Bart from inside the house.
Meanwhile Moe went to LA and met Simon Cowell and his trousers he pulls up too high. Before then he was being driven there by a chauffeur.
”Do you have any songs about California or Florida?” Moe asked.
”Those all suck. Here’s a song about Alabama.” said his chauffeur. He put the car radio on and it played Sweet Home Alabama.
”Sweet Home Alabama!”
Then Moe found Simon Cowell and his black tank top and his trousers up way too high only his hair and eyes were peeping out from the waistline.
“Well Author, you should see how low young black boys wear their trousers!” said Simon.
A black rapper had his trousers or as the Americans call them, pants, in a heap around his ankles with his underwear on show for all to see. “Yo! Quit dissing how I dress! G!”
Simon was giving out withering put downs to people who don’t realise they have no talent. The fat Chewbacca woman who does the cowardly lion was singing again.
“If I were king of the forrrrrrest! Not Queen, not Duke, Not Prince...” sung the fat lady.
Moe was also introduced to Randy Jackson. Who true to his name was being randy...
“Oooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooooh!” Randy screamed aroused, sexually...
“Randy stop getting aroused by the performances...” said Simon Cowell.
And he met Sharon Osbourne. She was petting a tiny dog. She loves tiny dogs.
“Ozzy stop eating those bats!” Sharon yelled at her husband Ozzy because he was biting the heads off of bats.
“SHAAAAAARRROOOOON! This bat tastes funny!” Ozzy yelled. “Now I’m off to ride the crazy train! ALL ABOOOOOAAAAARD! Gahahahahaha!” He rode on a rock gothic train decorated with skulls and fire!
Moe was confused by Ozzy’s behaviour.
“I also sometimes judge with Louie Walsh, when I’m in England and over here I sometimes judge with David Hasselhoff.” said Simon.
Baywatch theme plays as David Hasselhoff enters the room in red swimming trunks.
“Did someone call me? Is a drowning person in trouble? Do you need the Knightrider?” said David Hasselhoff.
Moe face palmed.
Homer was at home going to get the door because it was ringing to tell him someone was there.
“Yello- Aaaaaaaagh!” Homer greeted the guest but screamed because they were very angry vampires. Particularly Ace and an ugly bald vampire boy called the Bat Boy. He was the subject of a news magazine Homer was demonstrating to Bart at the start of the episode of what he wanted Santa’s Little Helper to look like after his bizarre makeover.
“You!” A vampire yelled. “So you’re saying my son is ugly?!” That vampire was Bat Boy’s father.
“No no no! It’s not like that! Honest!” Homer gulped as the vampires glared at him.
They hissed and he screamed and slammed the door on them.
Then the doorbell rang again.
“Go away!” Homer cried.
Oscar shrugged his shoulders and answered the door.
However instead of a horde of angry vampires, he got Hannah Montana and the Blue haired Lawyer.
“I am filing a cease and desist to Matt Groening from Hannah Montana over the identically named episode Judge me Tender, to an episode of the Hannah Montana show.” said the Blue haired Lawer.
Oscar face palmed. “First Darkwing Duck, then aviator Baloo and Kit Cloudkicker and the Dino Thunder Power Rangers and now you...”
“I have a hankering for some suing, Little Britches.” said Baloo.
Oscar face palmed.
In LA Moe was being interviewed by some goy from American Idol.
“Moe you are perfect! You are just what we’re looking for! You’re mean! You’re funny! And you’re not British!” said the producer guy.
“Yep. I am so not British!” said Moe. “Don’t let the pasty white skin and bad teeth fool you.”
Oscar whacked him with a steel chair. “Not funny! we Brits do not have pasty white skin and bad teeth!” He yelled. Then he paused. “Well okay my teeth are pretty bad, uh Guvnor?” He added grinning to the camera and showing rotten teeth.
Meanwhile at the Simpsons house Homer was annoying Marge in the kitchen.
“I labelled all the food in the fridge with Bart’s label gun Patty and Selma got him for his birthday.” Homer showed a box of eggs, each labelled “Egg” “and I mixed all the spices together into one super spice!”
Marge screamed because Homer had mixed all the spices together and put the resulting mixture in a flat dish on the kitchen table and Snowball II thought it was a kitty litter tray and was pawing about in the spice to go to toilet.
“Noooooo! You’re defiling the spice!” Cried God Emperor Leto II in anguish as a Sandworm human hybrid. I’ve got to start reading that series, a god emperor tyrant who turns himself into a sandworm hybrid is just cool!
Homer sweat dropped.
“Homer maybe you should go to Moe’s...” said Marge.
“I can’t! Moe’s is closed while he is in LA!” said Homer.
“Then find another bar...” said Marge.
“Ugh! Believe me I’ve tried during various times I fell out with Moe. And all I found was a scary rough neck with an eyepatch, the bar from Cheers, I ain’t going back, it was weird.... A lesbian bar with no fire exit and I got arrested for assaulting a snooty waiter at a posh bar because he asked me to leave.” said Homer.
“Hmmmmmm well find something to do! Your attempts to help in the kitchen are just annoying!" said Marge.
“Okay...” said Homer feeling hurt.
He drove himself to The Gridiron. A sports bar. However the fans there were watching obscure sports Homer hadn’t heard of. “So how’s the Hockey...”
”This is Lacrosse... dumbass...” said a man sat at the bar.
Homer sat at a table.
”Hey dude we’re settling an argument... who is gonna win the XFL 35th championship that we sports fans always say the yearly championships in Roman numerals...” said a guy. So the XFL XXXV championship or cup basically.
”Um.... The Long Island Iced Teas...?” said Homer confused.
At home Marge drank a Long Island Iced Tea and looked around shifty.
”Uh maybe you’re better off at the gay bar across the street, Newbie...” said the sports fan.
There was a pink gay bar called P.F Wangs across the street. Homer screamed as it triggered his homophobia.
In the living room/rumpus room Oscar and Ace with his new friend Bat Boy, the seemingly ugly bald vampire boy were arguing over what to watch on TV.
They were fighting with the remote.
“I wanna watch Somali Pirate Apprentice!” said Oscar.
Somali Pirate apprentice was The Apprentice but instead of Lord Alan Sugar or Donald Trump there was a gang of gun toting Somali pirates.
“Look at me! Look at me!” A Somali pirate demanded. “I am the captain now!” He then decided who should be fired this week. “Susan, you’re fired.” He fires one of the contestants.
“No! We wanna watch Pimp my Crypt!” Ace whined. Bat Boy nodded.
Pimp my Crypt was MTV’s Cribs crossed with Pimp my Ride but instead of houses it was about vampire castles and crypts. The host was some sort of ghoul.
“I love what you’ve done with the skeletons chained to the walls! And the shiny new coffins! Bleh!” said a vampire receiving a lovely new makeover to his crypt.
“No! Somali pirates Apprentice!” Oscar whined.
“Pimp my Crypt!” Ace yelled pulling at the TV remote.
“Forget it you squabbling kids... it’s super Saturday and I’m watching the game...” said Homer snatching the remote and and putting on a football game.
Oscar, Ace and Bat Boy whined and went off to play.
Marge found Homer in the basement dismantling a washing machine.
”I thought you were at that sports bar...” said Marge sighing.
”I was... but that place is for die hard sports fans... Not Dads who only watch when their team is winning or to spontaneously watch a football game to seem like a sports Dad and annoy family members.” said Homer.
”Oooooooh! A National Geographic documentary on African Savannah wildlife is on!” said Lisa from upstairs.
”Isotopes are playing the Falcons!” Homer called up rushing upstairs.
“Daggum it!” Lisa whined.
”Wait Homer! What have you done to our washing machine?!” Marge asked.
Homer peeped from the top of the basement stairs. “Oh, I dismantled it to see if if it swallowed a dime that was in my pockets.”
“Well put it back together please!” said Marge. “And sort out our water heater! It’s leaking!” A water heater leaked water as it spouted out in a stream from a hole.
”Okay...” Homer sighed. He sealed his lips round the leak and inflated as he swallowed water. Yuck... that water can’t be safe to drink...
Marge was in the front room with Grampa who was sat in the green armchair reading a newspaper with binoculars. Hehehehe!
“Sure is Hell having your husband around all the the time ain’t it?” said Grampa.
“At least in Hell the heating works...” said Marge.
“Marge Simpson!” Satan roared as he appeared in a burst of hell fire. He was wearing a tool belt and holding a monkey wrench. “Do you realised by jinxing my heating that my central heating has broken down!!” Satan was annoyed because Hell’s central heating stopped working. Kinda like when it does whenever someone says “when Hell freezes over.”
“Oh I’m sorry Satan!” said Marge frightened.
Homer ran to the front windows with his cheeks full of water and opened them.
”Well Hi Diddly ho Homer!” sId Ned but Homer vomited water all over him.
Abe suggested Marge get Homer into golf.
Meanwhile Oscar, Ace and Bat Boy resorted to watching TV in Hugo’s room in the attic.
“And now back to Springfield’s funniest home videos.” said the TV announcer.
“He’s a (long string of censor bleeps)!” said Ralph Wiggum angrily on the TV swearing.
Oscar, Ace and Bat boy were horrified.
“He swears worse than my Dad!” said Hugo stirring a chemistry set beaker of green liquid.
The kids showed Marge this.
“Kids swearing Ralph isn’t real... they just edited the audio! He’s a sweet little boy...” said Marge.
“Fuuuuuu— (censor bleeps)” Ralph swore after stubbing his toe outside.
“Ralphie! Watch your language!” Chief Wiggum yelled.
“Eh, We’re missing the animal videos... they’re always funny...” said Oscar. Oscar, Ace, Hugo and Bat Bly ran up to the attic.
”Aw we missed the animal videos... eh... let’s see what else is on...” said Oscar.
Grave robbers of Orange County was on.
”That’s offensive to corpses and the undead...” Ace frowned.
”You hate Grave Robbers?” Oscar asked.
”Yes!” Ace said as if it were obvious. “That is like you finding a cat burglar in your bedroom at night robbing you while you sleep!”
Mr Teeny the chimp switched the TV over to America’s Ripest Bananas and screeched happily.
In Bart’s room he was with Lisa giving marriage guidance to Krusty and Penelope.
“Now find something nice to say about one another.” said Lisa.
“Penelope... you are still as beautiful as the day I married you! And you have such a wonderful singing voice that even Tintin cried!” said Krusty to Penelope.
Penelope was touched. “Oh Krusty! And I love your sense of humor! And the way you try to dig your way out of trouble from telling a bad joke that’s got you into trouble...” said Penelope.
“Oh Smoochy coochums!” Krusty and Penelope made up and snogged.
“Awwwwwww!” Lisa cooed.
“And now I have to go and be violently sick...” said Bart turning green, hurrying to the bathroom to puke.
In LA Lynyrd Skynyrd were playing Sweet Home Alabama, while dressed as members of the Ku Klux Klan. Their album has a confederate flag on it!
“Gary where are all the vowels?” Ronnie asked.
”We hate vowels as much as we hate black people, Ronnie...” said Gary in a southern twang.
“Sweet Home Alabama! Where the skies are so blue! Sweet home Alabama! Lord, I’m coming home to yooooooouuu!”
”No! Please! I don’t want to be associated with you bible thumping racists!” God replied from heaven.
“Uh didn’t Ronnie die in a plane crash?” Bart asked Oscar.
”Well now he has come home to the Lord!” said Oscar.
In American Idol.
”Okay lowly mortals.” said Simon Cowell. In charge of deciding your destinies today is myself, Randy Jackson, Moe Szyslak, Ryan Seacrest and Ellen Degeneres.” Ellen Degeneres stole all the Es from Lynryd Skynyrd.... so they had to use Ys.
”Oh my god! I love you Dory!” Oscar screamed as he face hugged Ellen Degeneres.
”Ugh... I love you too fans... security...” Ellen sighed.
Then the amusing auditions...
A blonde, hot lady sung Happy Birthday beautifully.
”Happy birthday to yooooooouuuuu!”
”I am here on behalf of Warner and Chappell ordering you to stop singing Happy Birthday!” Blue Haired Lawyer stormed in with papers.
”Not a chance...” said Oscar dropping an anvil on him.
Then the Chewbacca lady sung If I were the king of the forest from The Wizard of Oz.
“If I were the king of the forrrrrrrrest... Not Queen, not Duke, not Prince.... My regal robes of the forrrrrrrrrest... would be satin... and not cotton, not chintz...”
”Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!” said Oscar hugging Ellen still.
Then the fat black dude sung Jigglypuff’s song from Pokemon.
”Jig-gah-leeeee puff! Jig-gah-leeeeeee eeeeeee puff!”
It was super effective! The judges and Oscar and security fell fast asleep!
”Jigglypuff!!” The man snapped annoyed and inflated himself like a balloon to show he was annoyed. He then got out a black marker pen and scribbled on their faces.