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Lisa on Ice Bart and Lisa become rivals when they join rival ice hockey teams.

Plot[]

The Simpsons are watching the evening news.

"Ah, Action News. The last place an impressionable kid can go for TV violence." said Bart.

Kent read more zany head lines.

"Hello, I'm Kent Brockman! Our top stories tonight:" Here we go!

"A tremendous explosion (Oscar gasps with excitement.) in the price of lumber." Oscar groaned disappointed.

"President Reagan dyes..."

Oscar screamed with anguish.

"Oz...." Homer growled annoyed.

"...his hair,"

Oscar sighed with relief.

The weather man announces there will be a blizzard over night.

"Woohoo!" said Bart. He threw his homework into the fire.

"Bart, that weather prediction is never accurate! It's the middle of summer!" Lisa explained.

"Lisa he's a professional meteorologist." said Homer.

"Dad! It's the middle of June!" Lisa said exasperated.

"Kent, I'd like to remind everybody to come down and watch me... ...at the Springfield Laugh and Brew and Burgers and Fries on Saturday. The forecast calls for a 75% chance of hilarity." said Krusty. Anything that's funny involves him because he's a clown.

"I like those odds." said Bart.

Lisa sighed that no one was listening to her and betting on a freak blizzard happening in June.

The next morning Lisa decided to prank Bart.

"Snowball fight!" Lisa yelled and threw a snowball in Bart's face. Bart furiously leapt out of bed and chased after her.

He arrived outside to find it was sunny and there was no snow. "Unseasonable warmth?" Bart asked.

"It was ice from the fridge!" Lisa taunted and laughed.

"Where did you get you jammies from Simpson?! Did your mommy buy them for ya?!" Jimbo laughed. Bart was wearing extremely cute baby pyjamas! (Footed pyjamas.)

Bart looked down at his pyjamas. "Of course. Who else would?"

"You win this round Simpson!" Jimbo annoyed he was no longer embarrassing Bart.

However Oscar saw Bart in his oh so cute pyjamas...

"Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh! Where did you get such cute pyjamas! Eeeeee!" Oscar grabbed Bart and hugged him.

"Oscar! Personal space!" Bart yelled.

"Bart get inside and get dressed it's time for school!" said Marge.

Lisa was looking smug.

"Oh hell no! You're not winning this round sistah!" said Oscar in a sassy tone. He used his magic wand and suddenly it started snowing!

"Oscar!" Lisa yelled. "That can't be good for the environment!"

Oscar shrugged and went inside.

Eventually the snow was so deep that the school was shut on the radio.

"Woohoo!" said Bart still in his cute pyjamas.

Lisa frowned. "It's the middle of one of the hottest Junes!" she said annoyed.

"Marge can I get some of those cute feetie pyjamas Bart's wearing?" Oscar asked Marge.

"You have plenty sweetie." Marge said lovingly to him.

"Can Bart get more? He looks cute in them!" said Oscar.

"Sweetie. Bart might not like dressing like that all the time." Marge explained.

...

Edna's Apartment.

"Snow?! In June?! Bah! I was supposed to take in fourth grade book reports! Now that brat Bart Simpson will escape a detention! Rats!" Edna sighed.

Also she apparently has a cat. Yes a cat...

After Bart's very abnormal snow day everyone was back at school.

"I have no idea why it snowed yesterday..." said Skinner.

Lessons were cancelled for an assembly. In the Butthead Memorial auditorium. Hahahahaha! Butthead...

Skinner announced because of missed deadlines. (The snow day) and impossibly low test scores, pink warning slips were to be handed out when ever anyone was in danger of failing in a subject.

"Your parents won't have to wait until report cards to punish you." said Skinner.

"How innovative. I like it." said Martin.

Martin was being nerdy as usual.

"Hey Kearney make a note on your electric diary to beat up Martin!" said Jimbo.

Kearney wrote Beat up Martin. It turned into "Eat up Martha."

Martha, a punk fifth grader with long black hair and face piercings looked at Kearney romantically.

"Martha and Kearney, sitting in a tree! K I s s I n g!" Dolph and Jimbo sang.

Kearney angrily threw his electric diary at Martin. "Bah!"

He yelped as it whacked him on the head.

Ralph was called up first.

"Ralph Wiggum."

"Yaaaaaay!" said Ralph.

"No Ralph. This says you're failing English. That's bad." Skinner explained.

"Me fail English? That's umpossible!" said Ralph. He just stood there.

"Ralph, get off the stage sweetie!" said Chief Wiggum.

"Next up is Simpson! Bart!" said Skinner. Bart gulped and went up.

"I wouldn't be so surprised Bart. You're failing in several subjects!" However Skinner had some good news. "On the other hand your excelling at your magical subjects!"

"Skinner... I have a reputation to uphold..." Bart blushed.

"Next up is Simpson, Lisa?!" Skinner was shocked.

Everyone gasped and stared at Lisa. She was horrified to receive a pink slip.

"Grades are all I have. What could I be failing? I'm smart and a teacher's pet." Lisa said softly to herself as she got up.

Bart laughed.

"There must be some mistake Principal Skinner!" Lisa stuttered.

"I thought so too young lady! But here it is! You're failing at Gym!" said Skinner.

"Gym? That's an outrage!" Lisa yelled. She screwed up the slip and threw it.

...

At home Marge and Homer are cross with Lisa.

"Hmmmm! Lisa we're very disappointed in you!" said Marge as she read Lisa's pink warning slip.

"Why aren't you mad at Bart?! He's got more than me!" Lisa protested.

"Yeah but we've grown to expect bad report cards! And he's got less than we expected he would get!" said Homer cross with Lisa.

"Well done boy for not flunking all your subjects!" said Homer as he scruffled Bart's hair. "As a reward for not failing Potions, Charms, Transfiguration and Defensive against the dark arts... here's your new turtle as promised." Homer gave Bart a small pet turtle.

"Thanks Dad." said Bart,

Lisa screamed and ran off upstairs.

"Hmmmmm! I think we're done something wrong here..." Marge pondered.

"You think?!" Oscar remarked.

Later Marge apologised to Lisa.

"Mom if I don't pass Gym I'll have an F that'll haunt me forever!" Lisa explained.

Lisa had a daydream. She was at her student graduation. However a man in a stupid hat interrupted it to explain she had failed 2nd grade Gym.

"In that case Lisa Simpson. I sentence you to an eternity on Monster Island!" said the college Dean as she was handcuffed. "Don't worry it's just a name."

Later Lisa and some other college students were being chased about an island by Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan and a fire breathing Gamera! XD

"He said it was just a name!" Lisa yelled exhausted.

"What he meant was Monster Island is actually a peninsula!" said a student.

Lisa's dream ended with her wondering why she dreamt about Godzilla and other kaiju chasing her of all things.

...

Bart was thinking of a name for his turtle. It was in a reptile and tarantula tank.

”Michelangelo!” Oscar yelled.

”No! Absolutely no way!” said Bart.

”I like it!” said Hugo having got out of the attic and hid with his head under the kitchen tablecloth like Barney.

Bart winced, baffled by this.

"Oh I know! Sheldon!" said Oscar.

"I like it!" said Hugo hiding under the table cloth.

"No! I'm naming it. I'm calling him Dave." said Bart.

"I hate it..." said Hugo under the table cloth.

...

Lisa decided to take up extra curricular sports lessons at school to bump up her grades.

Well she was advised to by the gym teacher.

"Join an outside school peewee football team or something."

Lisa snarked and was being a smart Aleck.

"Hey I don't need this! I inhaled my favourite whistle this morning." said the gym teacher.

Um... how?!

Lisa joins some extracurricular sports.

However...

In basketball she accidentally dribbled the ball with her chin. “Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!” she groaned.

In volleyball the ball bursted on her head because her starfish hair punctured it.

"Girls that was our only ball..." said the gym teacher. "There will be no team this year..."

Everyone was dismissed from class.

At dodgeball everyone threw their dodgeballs at Lisa very hard.

"Lisa the point is to dodge the balls..." said the coach.

However one evening Bart had joined an ice hockey team. He was on Chief Wiggum's team, The Mighty Pigs.

"Shoukd be the Mighty Ducks." said Oscar.

"No Oz..." said Bart.

Suddenly he saw a familiar mask.

Ki Ki Ki ma ma ma....

"Nyaaaaaaaagh! Jason Voorhees!" Bart screamed.

However the figure laughed Milhouse's nasally laugh. "Ha! You so fell for that!" Milhouse taunted. "It's just my hockey mask!"

"I so knew it was you Milhouse!" Bart retorted. "Anyway, why are you on Apu's team?"

"The half price Squishees were too tempting!" said Milhouse.

"Oh damn those tempting Squishees!" Bart groaned.

...

Bart's team slaughtered Apu's team. Milhouse got knocked out.

Apu groaned and tied his wrists to the goal edges to hold him up.

Milhouse resorted to exhaling to blow the puck away from the goal. It wasn't at all effective.

After the game Bart's team won and badly hurt Milhouse. However Wiggum had some bad news. He bet on the other team so he had to forfeit the pizza dinner reward to them.

Everyone on his team groaned in disappointment.

To take his frustration out on someone, Bart started shootings garbage and pucks at Lisa to torment her.

She screamed and dodged the projectiles. However a puck was going to hit her so she reflected it with a hockey stick.

Apu saw this and decide to make Lisa his new goal keeper. "Just to be sure this isn't a fluke. Hey little girl! Catch!" Apu fired a puck at her. She screamed and caught it.

Plot 2[]

"Hmmmmmm! Ice hockey? I don't know Lisa, that sport is so violent! Look at Milhouse's teeth!" Marge explained. She was holding some teeth that were knocked out at last night's game.

"Eeeeeew!" everyone groaned.

"Mom... stop showing us those...." Bart groaned.

Then Milhouse knocked. He was with his dentist. "Do you have my teeth?"

Everyone looked around awkwardly.

"Um... no." Marge lied.

However Lisa was allowed to go ahead and join Apu's team. Homer went with her.

"Now listen up! I don't want anyone giving my daughter a hard time just because she's a girl!" Homer ordered.

"Dad please, I'll be fine." said Lisa.

"Bleh Bleh Bleh! No pranks! No jokes! And- (Homer screams with laughter) Look! That kid has bosoms! Someone get me a wet towel!" User was naked and looking at his bosoms.

Suddenly we hear a wet towel being cracked and Uter yelping as Homer chased him a cross the changing room. "Don't make me run! I'm full of chocolate!" yelled Uter.

Oscar laughed.

...

Meanwhile outside the hockey arena Martha was trying to make out with Kerney. But he was too shy to say he wasn't interested in her.

"Uh babe.... Oh look! Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden!" yelled Kerney.

"Oh where?!" asked Martha but Kerney ran away.

Martha cried. "Why won't you love me?!"

At her first game Lisa was frightened every time the puck flew at her and screamed.

Marge was covering her eyes.

“Come on honey, don’t you want to see our little girl play?” said Homer.

“No. She must be so terrified! I should have never let her play!” said Marge.

Lisa screamed again.

Homer and Oscar laughed cruelly and obnoxiously.

However Lisa eventually proved to be a much better goalie than Milhouse. The game ended in a draw.

...

Bart that evening was furious. He was in Lisa's room pulling the heads off her dolls.

"Bart! Stop that!" Lisa yelled.

"It's a free country..." Bart replied.

"Get out of my room!" Lisa yelled.

"Fine, but I'll be doing this with my arms. (He starts windmilling his arms) and if any part of you should get hit it's your own fault!" said Bart.

"Very well. Then I'll be kicking air like this! Uh! And should any part of you occupy that air, it's your own fault!"

They both started making demented noises as Lisa kicked air and Bart moved about like a robot. Eventually we hear screaming from upstairs.

"Hmmmmm! I better see to that." Marge groaned. She saw Homer watching her pie. "Now Homer, don't you eat this pie!" Marge stupidly left the blueberry pie unattended.

"Pie, I will be doing this with my mouth! (Makes eating sounds as he bites air) And if any part of you gets eaten, it's your own fault!" said Homer. He started biting air and approaching the pie until he bashed his head on the cooker hood. "Ow! My head! Oh what the heck." He grabbed the pie and ate it.

...

Marge found the kids fighting in Lisa's room.

"Hey stop that! Stop that!" She started switching the lights on and off rapidly. Wheeeeeeee!

"Mom! Can you not do that! It's very annoying!" Bart groaned.

"I never want to see you ever fight like that again! You are not in direct competition! I repeat, not in direct competition!" Marge told them off.

"Okay Mom we get it." said Bart.

"Hey kids! I just got news! Both your teams are in the final! You'll both be in direct competition with each other!" said Homer excited. "USA! USA! USA!" He said repeatedly while flicking the lights on and off! Wheeeeee!

"Homer! Stop that!" Marge nagged.

“No! It’s coooool! Wheeeeeeeee! On! Off! On! Off! On! Off! On! Off!” Oscar played with the light switch.

"Oscar stop playing with the lights!" Marge said firmly.

...

”Hey Bart, since Lisa is getting good at sports, where does that leave you?” Milhouse asked Bart one morning at school,

”I’ll have to study and get good grades!” Bart gasped. Omg! He’s Hugey!!

Bart to music put up his hand in class at every question.

”Bart Simpson... Bart Simpson.... Bart Simpson.... Bart Simpson! You have put your hand up for every question and you haven’t got any right!!” said Mrs Krabappel frustrated with him after several questions.

”I’m sorry...” said Bart.

After class Jimbo’s gang beat him up.

”That’s for wasting teacher’s valuable time!” Jimbo grunted punching him repeatedly in the stomach.

”Hey leave him alone!” Lisa yelled and she beat the crap out of the bullies and pulled Jimbo’s shirt over his head.

”You’re just lucky Lisa’s your sister, dude...” said Jimbo.

...

It was the final.

"Hey Bart... I have a lucky charm!" Lisa was wearing a Krusty doll head as a necklace.

"Krusty!" Bart cried. "You clown murderer you!" They started fighting.

Apu and Wiggum broke up their scuffle. "Okay save it for the game!" said Apu.

"Hmmmm! This is bringing out the worst in them! Why can't they play nice..." Marge sighed.

The game started. Jimbo fouled Bart and slammed him into the safety screen.

"He fouled my boy! I demand justice!" Marge yelled.

"Mooooom!" Bart groaned with embarrassment.

"Jimbo has been penalised. Bart gets a free shot!" said the referee. Apu's substitutes booed.

...

"How comes you're not playing spiky?" Homer asked Oscar.

"Because I don't want to lose any of my teeth and I can't ice skate!" Oscar replied.

...

It then came down to a one on one final shoot out between Bart and Lisa.

However they started having flashbacks of themselves helping each other out as babies. Little Bart was doing shadow puppets for Lisa to make her laugh.

Baby Lisa nursed Bart's knee with a plaster when he fell off his skateboard.

"Daaaaaawwwwwwww!" Oscar can um see the flashbacks...

Bart gave Lisa some of his ice cream when she dropped hers.

Baby Lisa gave Bart the first cookie from the cookie jar when they helping each other to nick cookies.

Then I faint from the cuteness overload!

In the present Bart and Lisa surrended and the game ended in a draw.

"Let's never fight again."

"A draw?! That sucks!" said one of the parents.

"Heh, naughty game dude." said Otto.

"Let's riot." said Snake.

Suddenly everyone started ripping up chairs and rioting! Cooool!

Bart and Lis agreed never to fight again and skated to the changing rooms.

...

Bart was in class one morning. However, he hadn’t done his homework... He was dreading being called.

"Okay book report time class." said Mrs Krabappel.

“Luckily I’m a sssssssSimpson...” Bart said smugly.

“Okay we don’t have anyone with a name beginning with A....” Mrs Krabapple was reading the register. “I love this class! Bart is always first up! Mwuhahahaha!” She thought happily and wickedly that the first student alphabetically was Bart. She did everything by First names not surnames....

A boy coughed for attention...

“Oh nuts! I forgot we have a new student today... Ace Dracula...” Mrs Krabapple sighed. “Hand in your homework Ace...”

Isn't Ace in third grade?! Bart thought.

I'm cutting you some slack...

Suddenly Principal Skinner had an announcement over the tannoy. “Everyone to the assembly hall immediately for an emergency assembly!”

Everyone cheered and ran out.

“Single file children! Single file!” Mrs Krabapple yelled.

The assembly lasted all day so Edna never got to ask Bart for his homework.

”Damn it! Now he’s gonna pull a one nighter!” Skinner ranted.

Bart however instead of getting straight to cramming his homework last minute, decided to pull the heads off of Lisa’s dolls again.

”Bart! Stop that!” Lisa yelled.

”It’s a free country! I can do what I want!” said Bart petulantly.

”Get out of my room!” Lisa yelled.

”Okay but I pulled off the head from your favourite doll... Mr Honey Bunny!” said Bart decapitating Mr Honey Bunny!

“Bart, that’s your favourite childhood doll! Before you got into Krusty...” Lisa explained.

”Nooooooo! Mr Honey Bunny!” Bart cried and kissed his Mr Honey Bunny doll. Lisa laughed.

...

Oscar annoyed Homer by demanding he return to being Mr Thickly the wallaby from Taz in Tazmania, and singing the theme song constantly.

”Taz in Tazmania! Taz in Tazmania!” Oscar singing.

"Ooooooh!" Homer groaned.

Bart cried and tried to find Marge’s sewing kit to sew Mr Homeybunny’s head back on.

”Hmmmmm! I think the attic monster took it to the attic...” said Marge.

”Marge!” Homer barked. “I’ll get the sewing kit boy... now no more talk about monsters in the attic!”

Bart gave Mom a suspicious look.

Later Homer went through his warning cards.

"That's all of them. And I'm so proud you didn't try to forge my name." said Homer tousling Bart's hair. "How about a present, son?"

"Well, I could use a new pair of hockey skates." said Bart.

"Done and done." said Homer.

"Dad! That's not the correct response! You're supposed to punish him for bad grades!" Lisa whined.

"But Oscar keeps setting fire to my hair!" Homer whined.

"Oz stop undermining my parents!" Lisa yelled.

...

Anyway School was having a lot of emergency assemblies.

The tannoy barked out instructions from Skinner during class.

”Children please head to the Butthead Memorial hall for yet another emergency assembly.” said Skinner over Tannoy.

Bart and his friends laugh hysterically.

”Ugh.... I really shouldn’t have let them name it...” Skinner sighed in his office.

”No Butthead! Nooooooooo!” Beavis cried.

Bart winced.

After assembly he sewed Mr Honey Bunny’s head back on. “Honey bunny...” he cooed and kissed the Mr Honey Bunny doll and put it in his desk.

Nelson laughed at him.

Bart blushed.

Martin smirked.

In sixth grade Martha wouldn’t leave Kearney alone as she had a crush on him.

Kearney whimpered.

Jimbo and Dolph laughed.

Plot 3[]

At after school hockey.

Homer is driving Bart to hockey.

"Okay, son. Just remember to have fun out there today. And if you lose, I'll kill you" Homer threatened him.

"Oh, Dad." Bart thought he was kidding.

"I'm serious. Win or I'll murder you..." Homer growled.

Bart gulped.

The game starts.

"All right, Pigs, beat those Cougars." said Wiggum.

Petunia from Futurama walked past holding Squeaky Voiced Teen romantically. "Mmmmmm! Mama like!"

"Not that kind of cougar!" Wiggum groaned.

Oscar laughed.

"I could've been equipment manager, but no!" said Milhouse in goal wearing his Jason Voorhees mask.

At the end of the game.

”I’m surprised you managed to give Milhouse a concussion...” said Lisa who was substitute goalie but spend more of the game in goal because Milhouse got injured.

Bart made a face at her and hummed as he skated about on the ice.

...

At dinner.

“Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't... it's that girls should stick to girl sports. Such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and such and such.” As well as competitive. Bart was sexist in this episode.

Oscar moaned pervertedly. He was very aroused!

“Um... never mind....” Bart winced.

”Bart that’s chauvinism!” Lisa scolded him. “Girls can play any sport a boy can.”

Oscar was breathing heavily and was sexually aroused.

”Eeeeeew! Oz....” Lisa groaned.

“Pass ketchup.” said Homer.

Bart used his spoon to smack the ketchup bottle so it slid down the table.

However Lisa caught it and grinned.

”You'll have to do better than that tonight, chump.” said Lisa being competitive over ice hockey.

Bart tried to send the salad cream at her but it headed towards Homer.

”I asked for ketchup! I'm eating salad here.“ said Homer.

Bart and Lisa played hockey with their spoons as sticks and the sauce bottles and jars as pucks.

”Enough! I won't have any aggressive condiment-passing in this house.” Marge yelled.

Someone hurled a jar of mustard and it shattered against the wall splattering mustard everywhere.

”Oscar!” Marge yelled.

Moe climbed in through the window.

”Hello.“ said Moe.

”Moe, what are you doing here?“ Marge asked.

“What? What? A bartender can't come by and say hi to his best customer?” said Moe picking at their food rudely. “Hey, hey there, Midge. Oh, gee, I like what you done to your hair.” He was a bit too interested in Marge’s hair.

”You caught me at a real bad time, Moe. I hope you understand I'm too tense to pretend I like you.“ said Marge. Um you do like him...

She wanted him to leave.

“Yeah, and how are the little kids doing? I mean, really, how are they doing? Any disabling injuries?” said Moe. “Something that the gambling community... might not yet know about? Here, let me see those knees.” He tried to look at Bart’s knee.

”Moe, I think you should leave.” Marge shooed him outside.

”But Blanche, (It’s not the Streetcar Named Desire episode anymore!) you gotta help me out here! Please! I'm 64 grand in the hole! They're gonna take my thumbs!“ Moe cried as he was pushed outside and Marge shut him out.

”Um.... okay....” said Oscar.

Anyhoo Moe’s very random scene, especially the bit about his thumbs was a reference to the Pope of Greenwich Village starring Eric Roberts. The Master from the Doctor Who Movie.

The Master arrived. “I always dress for the occasion.”

Oscar screamed. “Aaaaaaaagh! It’s the Master!”

Bart winced exasperated.

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