Lisa Muntz Lisa falls in love with Nelson because she thinks she can change him. However Nelson can't resist getting back at Skinner so he lies about being involved at attacking Skinner's house with Jimbo.
At School one morning Superintendent Chalmers pays Skinner a visit. Skinner is in his office having lunch.
”Probably steamed hams.” Oscar quipped sitting facing the corner for bad behaviour.
”No Oscar... a sandwich and a shiny red apple. No be quiet! Not another word...” said Skinner.
Skinner was about to eat when...
”SKINNEEEEEEEEER!!” Chalmers yelled.
”Yes sir!” Skinner stammered.
”Oh relax Seymour. You’re shaking like a leaf! I’m just here to announce that I have bought myself a new car!” said Chalmers beaming.
”Phew! It’s just sir when you yelled my name I thought I had enraged you in some way!” Skinner stammered.
”SKINNEEEEEERRRRR!” Chalmers yelled. “You are just paranoid my dear fellow! I yell everyone’s name! Like SIMPSOOOOOOOOON! Or TAMAKIIIIIIIIII!”
“My surname means a sushi hand roll, readers.” said Oscar facing the corner.
”Oscar! Not another word!” Skinner warned him.
Chalmers takes Skinner out to the parking lot to show off his new Honda.
”Isn’t it a beauty Seymour?” He said pleased. Chalmers stroked his orange Honda.
”Yes sir! I hope to buy a car myself. After I pay off my debts to mother. She insists I pay for all the food and clothing she provided me since infancy.” said Skinner. Now that’s cruel. Plus it doesn’t make sense in the Armin Tamzarian canon, does it Matt...
“Yes... that’s rather sad Seymour...” Chalmers mumbles rolling his eyes about Skinner’s sad life. “I however am paid Super Intendant wages so I can afford such extravagant things.”
However later that day someone cuts off the hood ornament! Chalmers is distraught.
"Aw that's how you know it's a Honda!"
"You could always borrow my car sir." said Skinner. There was a high pitched Piiiiiiiii as an artillery shell fell on Skinner's car and blew it up leaving a smouldering crater.
"Nailed it!" Oscar could be heard cheering.
"Tamaki what were you aiming at?!" said one of the military school drill sergeants/tutors. “And you are supposed to be in isolation for aiming your mortar at the school!”
”Don’t worry sir, we’ll find a replacement H from somewhere...” said Skinner.
Skinner was using a crowbar to rip off a Honda H from a blue Honda.
”Hey! Get away from my car!” Kearney yelled. Yes Kearney drives...
Skinner and Chalmers fled because apparently Kearney is too intimidating to discipline.
At the Kwik e mart, Homer is being sneaky while Apu is busy with another customer. Homer takes a donut from the donut cabinet and dashes off to the Pick N Mix and helps himself to it.
He then bold as brass heads to the till.
”Hello Homer Simpson!” said Apu.
”Hello Apu. One donut with sprinkles please.” Homer tried to buy his weirdly decorated donut as a donut with sprinkles.
”Certainy Mr- Oh by the tusks of Ganesh!!” Apu gasped. “Homer Simpson! A Mars bar is not a sprinkle! A Twizzler is not a sprinkle! A Jolly Roger is not a sprinkle! Perhaps in Shangri La! But not here! You have clearly helped yourself to the pick and mix and tried to pass them off as sprinkles!”
”I certainly did not!” Homer gasped. “Honestly! It was like that in the cabinet! I swear!”
”Homer stop mangling my merchandise to make monstrosities such as this! Get out of my store and come again!” Apu angrily sent him away.
Homer annoyed left.
Outside Wiggum was tossing equipment into the dumpster while arresting a criminal called Johnny the scumbag. He yelled in shock as an upset Clownja with green hair yapped and lunged at him because it had a cartoon bump on its head from him carelessly tossing heavy equipment into the dumpster.
”What’s that?” Homer asked.
”Oh that’s an auto dialer. Ya see Johnny the scumbag here was using it to pull a telemarketing scam. It is automatically keyed into every phone number in Springfield.” said Wiggum.
”Oooooooh!” said Homer wanting to break the law.
”Don’t think about it Simpson. Johnny here is heading for twenty years in prison. Bread and water. Icy cold showers. Shiv attacks and drop the soap antics and beatings from the wardens!” said Wiggum smacking his patrol car unnerving Johnny. “And the only way out? Suicide!”
”Eep!” Homer gulped and whimpered.
”Anyway,” He changed the subject. “Apu is being a sourpuss and not accepting my donut masterpieces as legitimate donuts...”
Wiggum sighed. “Homer why do you shop for donuts here still when we have a Lard Lads...” Wiggum pointed at the giant smiling Lard Lad holding a giant donut.
”Well one he smashed up our town one Halloween when I pilfered his giant donut because of blatant false advertising of their colossal donuts. And secondly their so called colossal donuts...” said Homer.
”Homer I think you’re looking for a gourmet donut place. Unfortunately this town doesn’t have one of those stores...” said Lou.
”I could open one!!” Homer had a zany idea that wasn’t stupidly illegal and annoying.
The school. Skinner was pacing up and down the halls.
He then went to interrogate his students. Mostly second, third and fourth grade. He took a dim view at them not owning up to whoever stole the hood ornament.
"Right now Superintendent Chalmers is in my office crying like a baby!" Skinner tried to be angry. However the children laughed hysterically. "I suppose that is funny."
Skinner had to get to the bottom of the missing hood ornament. "Willie check everyone's lockers!"
Skinner and Willie broke open everyone's Lockers. Bart was reluctant to let his be checked.
"Um maybe you shouldn't-"
Skinner knew Bart was a trouble maker and Bart's reluctance made him even more guilty. "Hiding something from me Simpson? I think I'll just look inside your locker!" However some eggs were catapulted at him and splattered over him. "Good lord! Half a dozen eggs?" Then some more eggs were thrown at him. "Oh there's the other six."
Skinner wiped himself clean. "Well, I apologise Simpson. However we'll speak about this shenanigan later after school."
Martin was cleared as all that was in there was books.
"Uh Martin, where's the secret tunnel?" Bart whispered.
"What tunnel?" Martin feigned innocence.
Eventually all that was left was Nelson's.
"Dun dun dun!" said Nelson.
"I wouldn't be so smug Nelson. Yours is the only one left. Willie crack it open!" said Skinner.
The locker was opened. However it was completely empty.
"Haw Haw!" Nelson laughed.
"Damnit! Damn! Damn! Da-?" Skinner in frustration bashed the back of the locker but it gave way. Revealing a secret cubbyhole full of stolen things including Chalmers Hood ornament.
"Good lord! A secret hole behind a child's locker!" said Skinner.
"Haw haw?" Nelson was confused how to react.
"Well Muntz, who's haw-hawing now, hmmm?" Skinner smirked.
"I dunno, but he's got lethal tuna breath," Nelson responded.
Kids gasped at his outrageous attitude.
”Who does Nelson think he is acting like that?! Who is he impressing?!” Lisa ranted.
”Not me...” said Milhouse.
He was sent to Skinner's office to be punished.
"And Willie, seal up any secret holes, tunnels and dismantle any devices installed in the lockers." said Skinner.
Nelson was given a telling off then his punishment. "Nelson you will return everything you stole from everyone and apologise to them! And then you will be sentenced to one week to the most disgusting and degrading work known to man! Janitorial work!" said Skinner mad at him.
"Ach! Skinner I'm right here!" whined Willie.
"Yes. Take a good look Nelson. As that's where you're heading!" said Skinner.
In the gym Nelson handed back everything he stole but instead of apologizing he was rude to everyone.
"Get bent, ma'am! You're dead! Screw you! Get lost loser!" were some of the things he said. "Bite me! Go to Hell! Cram it!"
Finally he had to give Lisa back her Malibu Stacy doll he stole.
"Dolls suck!" said Nelson.
"Why do you have to be so rude?!" Lisa ranted. "Don't you realize that you are getting a bad reputation?!"
"Why does your butt stick out so much?" Nelson asked.
"It does not!" Lisa argued.
Nelson kicked her up the butt.
"Hey!" Lisa yelled.
It was music class. Lisa was distracted by Nelson's shenanigans outside with Willie.
"Turn on the hoozle!" said Willie.
"The hoozle?" Nelson asked.
"The noozle of the hoozle!" said Willie.
Nelson waited until Willie had the nozzle of the hose up to his face and turned it on. He got a face full of water. He tried yelling for Nelson to turn it off but Nelson couldn't understand his accent.
Lisa laughed at this mishap.
"Lisa stop laughing and pay attention!!" Mr Largo yelled.
"Sorry I was just laughing at Nelson out-" Lisa explained.
"Lisa loves Nelson!" said Sherri.
"She does not!" said Milhouse.
"Milhouse loves Lisa!" said everyone.
"He does not!" said Janey.
"Janey loves Milhouse!" said everyone.
"She does not!" said Uter.
"Uter loves Janey!"
"Everyone be quiet!! Nobody loves anyone! Lisa you have detention after class!" Mr Largo ranted.
Lisa sighed disappointed in herself.
"I don't get it! Why am I so interested in Nelson? It's like he's a riddle wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in an enigma... sure is ugly though. So why can't I stop looking at him?" Lisa's thoughts said. "Oh no! I'm in love!"
"Hey Willie! Catch the football!" yelled Nelson. He had a hornet's hive attached to a garden fork.
"Okay I'll- Yaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhh!" Willie screamed as he was stung by angry hornets.
Lisa laughed hysterically.
In detention Lisa was doing lines. She had to write "I will not be a snickerpuss."
Bart cane to see her. "Oh you're doing it all wrong! Use the thing Mr Largo uses to draw scale lines!"
"No thanks, I'd rather do it properly." said Lisa.
"Fine, suit yourself." said Bart.
However Lisa decided she would cheat with the scale line drawer to do five lines at once. Eventually she was finished.
"Phew! How does Bart do this every episode?!" Lisa asked.
"All I know is my wrist sounds like a cement mixer now." said Bart twisting his hand about. It made horrid cement mixer crackling sounds.
"Eeeeew!" Lisa groaned. "Why are you here anyway? I thought you gave up guitar lessons?"
"Well I haven't sis. I'm here to jam. It's easier while Largo isn't around to criticise my choice of music. Wanna join?" said Bart.
"Sure, let me just get my saxophone." said Lisa.
The next day Lisa was writing a note to Nelson. She didn't want to deliver it herself so she tried to find someone to do it for her.
Milhouse conveniently arrived with a glue stick in his hair.
"Milhouse why is there a glue stick in your hair?" Lisa asked in disbelief.
"I er thought it was a hair styling wax stick." said Milhouse yanking it out along with some of his blue hair.
"Well I need you to deliver this note to Nelson." said Lisa.
"Why?" Milhouse asked.
"Because you like me." said Lisa.
"I fancy you. I thought you felt the same way." said Milhouse.
"No. I see you more as a big sister." said Lisa.
"Ugh! Why does everyone say that?! I'm a boy!" said Milhouse.
"Please just do this itty bitty favour. Please..." said Lisa.
"Sure, that's what big sister's are for!" said Milhouse taking the note. Then he realised what he said. "Stupid stupid! Stupid!"
A T rex was nearby. "Master?" it growled while holding its tail.
In Krabappel's class Milhouse gave Nelson the note.
"Guess who likes you?" Nelson read it. Milhouse stupidly did his eyebrow dance.
We cut to paramedics rushing Milhouse on a bed to an ambulance.
"Milhouse! I'm so sorry!" Lisa gasped.
"He can't hear you. We had to pack his ears with gauze." said the paramedic.
Um geez Nelson! That was a bit extreme!
Lisa rushed off to find Nelson. He was at his locker putting books away.
"Nelson wait!" said Lisa.
"Oh it's you. What do you want?" said Nelson.
"Milhouse didn't send you that note! I did!" said Lisa.
"Whaaaat?!" Nelson gasped. "Yeah right... you don't like me, no girl likes me!"
"I do!" Lisa twiddled her feet.
"Why?!" Nelson asked.
"I don't know, I just do!" said Lisa.
"Oh... Wanna hang out at my house?" said Nelson.
"Sure." said Lisa.
”Nelson!” Skinner said sharply.”
”Yes sir...” said Nelson irritated.
”I’m watching you Mr Smartenheimer... so just watch yourself!” said Skinner squinting at him like an eagle.
”That’s Wizardheimer! Wizaaaaaaard Heimer!” Wizardheimer the evil Koopa wizard yelled.
Skinner sweat dropped.
”No Homer. An Auto dialler scam is a really bad idea! Not to mention highly illegal!” said Marge. “I don’t want you pestering and annoying the neighbours!”
”Okay, well get this. I want to open up my own gourmet donut store.” said Homer.
”Well that’s a better idea sweetie. But is this over your childish feud with Apu over you adding your own toppings to your donuts...” Marge sighed.
”Maybe...” said Homer. “It’ll be like Krispy Kreme but better! Think of the fillings! The toppings! Russian nesting donuts!”
”Homer slow down! You’re getting excited!” said Marge. “Anyway remember that telephone scam you pulled when Maude was alive and she got so annoyed at Ned she made him sleep on the lawn?”
”Yeah... that was hilarious...” said Homer.
Meanwhile third grade music instruments recital.
”And should their be a request for an encore, we will reprise Pop Goes the Weasel.” said Mr Largo.
Oscar was playing with the crank on Clownja’s box and it played Pop Goes the Weasel until Clownja popped out of his box guffawing his Ripper Roo laugh. Oscar giggled.
”Oscar stop playing with your toys in Music class!” Mr Largo told him off.
Oscar made a rude face at Mr Largo.
Mr Largo ignored his petulance and continued explaining how the concert was going to go according to his plans. Apparently he was using the word Tromboner to mean the kid who plays the trombone in the orchestra. “Blah blah blah... Tromboner. Blah blah blah...”
Apparently the word Tromboner was highly amusing to Oscar because he screamed with laughter.
”Master Tamaki! Do you find something funny about the word Tromboner?!” Mr Largo yelled.
”(Snickering) Maybe...” said Oscar.
Lisa went over to Nelson's. It was very shabby and falling apart. His mother clearly drunk yelled at him that she was going to work.
Lisa and Nelson sat awkwardly in his room as there was nothing in there except his bed and a guitar.
"You play the guitar?" Lisa asked intrigued.
"Oh sure, I play it all the time!" said Nelson.
"Would you play for me?" Lisa asked.
Nelson got up to play. He played a few notes and coughed before badly playing Joy to the world.
"Joy to the world! The teacher's dead! We barbecued her head! And what we did with her bodyyyy... We flushed it down the potty. And round and round it goes... and round and round it goes...?" Nelson sung. Lisa wasn't pleased with his song about decapitating teachers.
"I wish I could say I enjoyed that song about a teacher being decapitated, but I can't!" said Lisa.
"Oh.... Maybe you should go. I'm tired." said Nelson. He went to sleep.
"But I don't know how to get home from here!" said Lisa.
"Should have thought about that before then." said Nelson.
However Lisa wasn't determined to give up on Nelson just yet. She invited him over. He was in her room while she had a dumb trick to show him involving the cat.
"Look this is really cute where Snowball II pretends to be a baby. Come on Snowball! Pretend to be a baby!" said Lisa trying to put the cat in a doll's pram. Snowball II screeched and her legs went stiff trying to avoid Lisa putting her in the pram. "Come on you like doing this!" Snowball II hissed and screeched before scratching Lisa's face and escaping.
"Yeah I get it! It's cute! Can we kiss now?" Nelson wasn't interested in Lisa's silly games with the cat.
Bart came in.
"Agh! Look out Lisa! Nelson's in our house!" Bart yelped.
"Yes I know because I invited him!" said Lisa wiping her bleeding face with a tissue. "We're going out."
"Eeeeew! Lisa you can do so much better! Even going out with Milhouse!" said Bart.
"Bart please! I think I can change him! I believe he has a sensitive side!" said Lisa.
Nelson was doing armpit farts.
"Ugh! Whatever happened to your relationship with Ralph?" said Bart.
"You know! He was being too forward!" said Lisa.
There was a ring from the doorbell.
"Now who could that be?" said Lisa.
"Lisa, it's Ralph..." said Homer.
Lisa sighed as Ralph was in the hall outside her room wearing a smart suit and holding a bouquet of flowers.
"Hi Lisa! Let's get back together!" said Ralph.
Bart was in the lounge with Nelson.
"So... you're not here to beat me up or steal my lunch money are you?" Bart asked.
"No I don't mix school with leisure. We're cool." said Nelson.
"Remember that time when you were bullying me for accidentally breaking your nose and I raised an army against you and we threw water balloons?" said Bart.
"Yeah..." said Nelson sighing. "I used to be so beastly and mean..."
"What happened to your two henchmen? You know the weasels." said Bart.
"You mean Wes and Roy? They got expelled and sent to Shelbyville Elementary." said Nelson. "We don't really speak anymore."
He then tried to get Lisa to dump Nelson again.
"Lisa he's only agreeing to go out with you because he's lonely! His little weasels got sent to Shelbyville!" said Bart.
"That's not true! You just don't want me to be happy!" Lisa ranted.
"Of course I do! Milhouse likes you!" Bart was bringing up Milhouse again.
"Oh please! Milhouse likes Vaseline on toast!" Lisa sighed.
"Wow..." Bart didn't know that about Milhouse.
Lisa sighed because Nelson was frying ants with a magnifying glass.
Lisa was being driven home from Nelson's one evening. Obviously the day didn't go well because she was annoyed at herself for thinking she could change Nelson.
"Lisa most women would call you a fool for thinking you could change a man. But they're quitters!" said Marge.
"Mom?" Lisa asked.
"Your father used to be crude, rude and a slob. But now he's a whole new person." said Marge.
"A whole new person Lisa." said Marge.
Lisa had an idea. Maybe Nelson needed a new image.
The next time they met Lisa took Nelson shopping to a geeky clothes store called "Wee Monsieur"
Lisa had dressed him somehow in a geeky sweater.
"Very smart Nelson!" Lisa praised him.
"Aww... I feel like such a tool!" Nelson sighed.
Oscar laughed at him. "Ha! This is the same geeky store Marge makes Bart buy his clothes from!"
"We went once Oscar... And I clearly stated I hated it and put everything back." said Bart.
"Hmmmmph! Well Bart we've got a dinner party coming up and you can't be wearing your T shirt and shorts! So you'll have to buy something from here!" Marge was cross with Bart's reluctance to dress nicely.
"Wow! You shop here too Bart?! And Nelson!?" said Martin.
"Tell anyone and you're dead dweeb!" Nelson threatened Martin.
Lisa frowned. "Nelson we talk politely to people..."
"There are way too many people in this scene Oscar..." said Bart.
"Okay, Lisa, Nelson you're on you own in Wee Monsieurs, We're all going to be in the corner near the shirts..." said Oscar.
Meanwhile in Bart's scene.
Bart, Marge, Oscar and Martin were in another part of the store.
Marge was picking out embarrassing clothes for Bart.
"Mom kids get beaten up for wearing those." Bart grumbled.
"Bart I can see you scowling through those clothes you're carrying! Now go and get changed." Marge told Bart off.
Oscar and Martin were admiring the geeky teddy bear hoodies they wore to extra curricular nature camp with Willie.
"They must have bought out Goober and Sons." said Martin.
Oscar was trying on the cute teddy bear hooded top thing and dancing.
"Hehehe. That suits you but didn't Bart give you his one?" Martin asked.
"No one wants a hand me down. Besides his mom made him take it back. Said something about his aunts being upset with him." said Oscar.
"We don't usually hang out to use the phrase." said Martin as they waited for Bart and Marge.
"That's because you're a dork and a snitch. I don't like snitches. And I sort of make fun of your voice." said Oscar.
"Well I hope you're more civil when we go to Dizzieland next week!" Martin said with a huff.
"Sure Minnie Mouse." said Oscar smirking.
”I heard that!!” Martin yelled in a girlish squeal.
Then Lisa and Nelson went on a date. It was boring the only thing important was that Jimbo taunted Nelson for losing his touch as a bully because he was too busy hanging out with his new girlfriend.
"Anyway, we're hawking jars of expired mayonnaise at Skinners house wanna come?" Jimbo asked.
"I'd love to get even with Skinner!" Nelson was eager but there was one thing stopping him. "I promised Lisa no more shenanigans..."
Jimbo made chicken noises and left with his gang to deface Skinner's house with expired mayonnaise.
Nelson got back to kissing Lisa. Yeeeuck!"
Meanwhile Jimbo and his gang were tossing pots of expired mayonnaise that had turned green at Skinner's house.
He was scolding them.
"Shame Nelson is missing this. He'd love this." said Jimbo.
"Why isn't he here again?" Dolph asked.
"Because your mom had a three month waiting list!" said Nelson.
His friends were surprised but happy to see him.
"What did you say about my mom?" Jimbo asked as they were happy to see Nelson.
They hawked more mayonnaise at Skinner's house.
He was watching them through binoculars. He was horrified to see they were mooning him.
"Seymour! What's going on out there?" said Agnes.
"No mother! Don't look out the window!" Skinner warned her. We hear her screaming.
That night Nelson rushed to the Simpsons and blabbed to Lisa some rubbish about Skinner being out to get him for causing trouble he claimed he wasn't involved in.
"Oh that's so unfair!" Lisa gasped.
"Look if you hear anything involving Skinner's house I had nothing to do with it! I was at home! Honest!" Nelson lied.
The next day Nelson was hanging round the Simpsons.
Oscar was in hysterics when he heard Nelson's middle name.
"Nelson Mandela Muntz?!"
"Yes that's my full name dweeb! What of it?" Nelson asked.
"Oooooh! Did you end apartheid in South Africa, murdered all the white farmers and caused a rift in the space time continuum that created an alternate universe where everything is slightly different?" Oscar was being stupid again.
"Uh no." said Nelson.
"Ignore him Nelson... He's being stupid again..." said Bart.