Lisa's Bully Bart's had his rogue gallery of bullies like Nelson and Jimbo, now it's Lisa's turn.
Meanwhile Maggie has another bout of her violent streak against Homer...
The Simpsons are watching Itchy and Scratchy advertise cereal. They have a cereal called stabbi-ohs. And the commercial is rather violent...
A boy and a girl go down to breakfast one morning to find Itchy and Scratchy in their kitchen.
“Itchy and Scratchy!” They cheer.
Itchy force feeds Scratchy the cereal with a conical decanter. Then he throws him on the table and cuts open his belly and pours milk in him. The children in the commercial eat the cereal.
"Wow! Pink daggers!"
"Yellow ice picks!" The kids list the cereal shapes.
"Wait, if you're making breakfast, where's mom?" asks the boy.
"Right here!" said the mom's decapitated head under a serving lid. "Most of me is still in bed!"
"Hmmmm! I think that commercial may have crossed the line..." said Lisa.
"Eh, whattya gonna do..." said Bart. They were all still in their pajamas.
Maggie had a kitchen knife somehow and brandished it at Homer. Homer screamed.
"No Maggie! No! Bad baby!" Marge took the knife off of Maggie. "Kids what was that you were watching?"
"Just an Itchy and Scratchy commercial for their new cereal." said Bart rewinding the TiVo. They watched the commercial again.
Marge was horrified. "Well, I never! I'm campaigning against against that Itchy and Scratchy commercial once and for all! And this time I mean it!" said Marge, putting her foot down.
"Yeah sure Mom..." said Bart.
"Homer why are you still here?! And why aren't you dressed?" Marge gasped. Homer was in his pajamas watching TV with the kids.
"Work said I can't be late again or I'm fired! I can't risk that!" said Homer wanting to stay home. Uh it doesn't work like that Homer...
"And Kids you should be dressed. The school bus is due any minute!" Marge explained.
"Can't we stay at home?" Bart asked.
"Hmmmm!" Marge yanked Bart and Lisa off by their pajama collars. "Homer do something useful and help get Hugo ready."
Marge was brushing Bart and Lisa's teeth with one toothbrush across both of their sets of teeth. Homer was in the background holding Hugo and brushing his teeth. He had just woken up and was alarmed to get a mouthful of toothpaste and a brush shoved in his mouth.
"Mom I need to spit..." said Bart.
Hugo gargled and blurbled with toothpaste in his mouth.
"You can spit on the bus..." said Marge dressing them quickly in the wrong clothes. Each other's...
"I'm comfortable like this..." Bart grinned, wearing Lisa's dress.
"No you're not..." said Lisa sighing.
Homer grunted as he tried to dress Hugo. Hugo would not keep still as Homer put his rotten full of holes shirt on.
Marge then force fed them their breakfast quickly. Bart choked on a grape.
"We don't have time for choking!" said Marge squeezing him. The grape went flying and Homer caught it in his mouth and ate it.
Marge and Homer took the kids to the bus after packing their stuff. I.e. Lunches and books...
However the bus left before they could get on it.
"Oh dear... guess we'll have to stay at home..." Bart said smugly.
"Not on my watch!" said Marge. She drove them to school.
Marge drove the kids to school.
Hugo was wearing Bart's glasses from The Last Temptation of Homer
"Moooom... Hugo's wearing my glasses!" Bart whined.
"Hugo don't wear other people's glasses! That can ruin your eyes!" Marge told him off.
Hugo sighed and gave Bart his geeky glasses.
Eventually they arrived at school just before the school bus.
"Now get on the bus kids!" said Marge.
"But Mom we're at school!" said Lisa.
Marge went “hmmmmmm!" They dared not argue with that and got out and on the bus.
"Here we are kids! Oh wait! I forgot to pick up the new kid!" said Otto. He suddenly turned the bus around and went back for the new kid. Everyone was sent flying about by the inertia.
The kids chatted about the new kid and what he or she could look like. Sherri and Terri imagine a boy riding a unicorn, Nelson imagines an octopus monster for some reason and Ralph imagines a goat...
The new kid is Francine. A girl with red hair like Annie's. All the kids are rude about her as she goes to the back of the bus.
"That poor girl. Someone should talk to her!" said Lisa.
"Yeah someone..." said Bart. "Oh! One hour car wash! That's fast!" Uh no it's slow...
Meanwhile Homer didn't go to work and spent the day drinking coffee with Marge. They awkwardly had idle conversations about the coffee when suddenly the door bell rang.
"I'll get it!" They said at once and fought to open the front door. There was a lady at the front door.
"Mrs Simpson. Your baby is dead!"
The Simpsons screamed.
"That's what a coroner would say upon looking at your house and it's lack of babyproofing!" said the lady.
The Simpsons sighed and were holding their chests and breathing heavily. Homer took a card from the lady.
"But Maggie Simpson is dead!" said the lady.
They gasped at her.
"Dead tired of not having a free examination of your house to see if it's babyproof!" said the lady.
Marge and Homer sighed.
"And also dead." said the lady. Uh no she's not...
The Simpsons gasped.
They went to the kitchen.
"Now just imagine I'm a baby." said the lady putting on a stupid baby bonnet and crawling around gurgling.
"That's a pretty big caboose for a baby..." said Homer.
"Homer! Don't say tha- Oh! You're right..."
Oscar came in to get some milk.
"Oh please Lady... if you want someone to pretend to be a baby just ask me!" said Oscar.
The lady stopped pretending to be a baby and took off the baby bonnet she was wearing.
"Shouldn't he be at school?" The lady asked.
"Eh... he's not our kid..." said Homer.
"I'll be your baby... said Oscar. He turned himself into a baby. Baby Oscar was wearing just a diaper. He started crawling about gurgling.
The lady was speechless about Oscar's antics. "Uh how about you try to get bleach out of the cupboard and try to drink it?" said the lady wanting him to demonstrate how dangerous the under the sink cupboard was.
"Now why would I do something so stupid?!" Baby Oscar asked.
"Because you're a baby?" The lady asked.
"Do I look handicapped to you?" said Oscar. The lady was insistent. Oscar sighed and crawled to the sink cupboard.
"If you're trying to prove how unsafe the Simpsons are with their cleaning products you'll be disappointed." said Oscar. "Their bottles all have childproof caps, not even Homer can get these open. (Homer glared at Oscar for making fun of his stupidity)" Suddenly Teddy grabbed Oscar to stop him getting the bleach. "And my pet teddy bear is constantly watching me and Maggie..."
Teddy had grown into his adult form and carried baby Oscar away.
The lady sighed in defeat.
"By the way, lady, who are you?" Oscar asked her.
At recess Bart, Milhouse were watching Francine sit on the Teeter totter on her own.
"Look at her own the teeter totter like she owns the place!" said Bart.
"Who does she think she is?!" said Milhouse.
"Guys! It's her first day! Milhouse you must remember your first day..." said Lisa.
"Not as long as I take these!" said Milhouse holding a bottle of pills called Represserol.
"I'll talk to her..." said Lisa climbing down from the climbing frame.
Lisa walked up to the new girl Francine.
"Hi, I'm Lisa Simpson!" said Lisa.
The girl punched her in the face. A dramatic chord played. Dun! Dun! Dun!
That afternoon after school Lisa was in the kitchen nursing a black eye.
"There there... I remember my bully problem..." said Homer.
In a flashback young Homer wearing a #1 shirt was bearing up a young Waylon Smithers while singing "They were kungfu fighting!" And Barney would play a kazoo sounding flute.
Lisa and Marge sighed as if they didn't believe him.
"Don't look so glum Lis... I have a bully problem every day! If it's not Nelson it's Jimbo and his gang. If it's not Jimbo it's Dad..." said Bart.
"But I barely said two words to her and she hits me!" Lisa whined holding an ice pack on her eye.
"How about you find something to bond over?" Marge asked.
"Like jazz?" Lisa asked before playing her saxophone.
"Um no. How about your Malibu Stacy Dolls?" said Marge.
"Mom they're aspiration figures... and that's a great idea! Thanks Mom!" said Lisa.
In the lounge Homer was doing something with the plug sockets. "Can you believe that woman? She wanted us to fork out a fortune for power socket covers?! I'll just draw bunny faces on them! That'll keep Maggie away..." said Homer drawing cartoon bunny faces on the plug sockets.
"Maggie's not afraid of bunnies..." said Marge.
"She will be..." said Homer.
Marge sighed and read one of the magazines the lady left. There was a two page spread article titled "Are bees turning your baby's diaper pail into a bee hive?" There was a funny illustration of bees flying out of a diaper bin and a cartoon baby wearing a diaper crawling about.
"I bet his diapers stink..." said Bart.
At school the next morning Lisa went to speak to Francine.
"Francine I think we got off on the wrong foot and- You like Malibu Stacy too?" said Lisa.
"Yeah..." said Francine lying.
"And you have the same one with the scholarship haircut that... Was in my locker..." Lisa realised she had stole her doll. "That's mine isn't it..."
Francine bit off the doll's head and spat it at Lisa. The doll head clonked her on the head.
"Tastes like yours..." said Francine. She then grabbed Lisa and stuffed her in her own locker and locked her in.
"How about jazz? You like Jazz?" asked Lisa from the locker.
"Ay ay ay! El Bee Pelicula!" said Bumblebee Man appearing.
Barry the bee from Bee movie flew past.
"Hi Lisa!" said Milhouse from the locker next to her.
"Milhouse?! She got you too?" Lisa asked.
"No... Jimbo put me in here." said Milhouse.
"Oh..." said Lisa.
"It's alright, I'm standing on Ralph." said Milhouse.
"I'm a totem poll! Ayayya aya! Ayaya aya!" Ralph chanted.
At Home Homer was using a nail gun to nail cushions over things. "See Maggie? Daddy's covering up all the sharp corners so the house is baby safe!" said Homer. "Now hold this a sec." He stupidly gave her the nail gun. Of course she shot him.
"Ow! Aaaaaaaghhh! (Crying)!" Homer was nailed to a table.
Maggie giggled evilly.
"Okay Maggie put down the nail gun!" said Homer. Maggie shot him sticking his other hand to the wall. She giggled.
"Okay this isn't funny anymore Maggie..." Homer groaned. Maggie nailed his ears to the wall with two shots of the nail gun. She giggled evilly.
Marge came in. "Oh no! Maggie no no no!" Marge got the nail gun off of her somehow. "I think we need to take her to see a psychiatrist..."
"How about getting the pliers for me first Marge..." said Homer.
Nelson and Jimbo's gang were throwing tomatoes at Martin as he hung upside down by his shoe laces.
"Stop gazpachoing yourself! Stop gazpachoing yourself!" said the bullies.
Lisa went to speak with them. "Hi guys."
"Ohohohoho! She fancies you Nelson!" Jimbo's gang teased Nelson.
"I do not! Look I need help with a bully!" said Lisa.
"Wait. You're asking us, bullies, for help with a bully..." said Jimbo.
"I thought you were doing bodyguard duties for a charge?" said Lisa. "Anyway my bully is really vicious! Look at these Native American rope burns!" Lisa showed the Indian burns on her arm. The bullies were impressed.
"I'll need round the clock protection from her." said Lisa.
"Her?!" said the bulllies.
"Yes she's a girl..." said Lisa. "And I use the term girl loosely..."
"We can't! We don't hit girls!" said Jimbo.
"And sometimes we fall in love..." said Kerney.
"Wow... I didn't know you bullies could be so deep..." said Lisa.
Meanwhile Francine was tripping people over at lunch. She had already tripped over Ralph and Database. However Bart saw her stick out her foot so he walked around her table humming and laughing at her attempts to trip him.
Francine got out a slingshot and fired a rock at him.
"Ow!" Bart yelled as it bruised the back of his head leaving an angry pink welt.
Homer and Marge had taken Maggie to a baby psychiatrist.
Maggie had got a hammer from one of the toys in the psychiatrist's office and was hitting Homer with it.
"D'ow! Ow! Ow! (Cries)" Homer yelled in pain as Maggie hit him.
"We don't understand doc! Maggie is usually kind and loving to her dad! But sometimes she has this violent streak..." said Marge.
Maggie was still hitting Homer.
"Um a little help here..." said Homer.
"Anything she may have have copied off the TV? Or an older sibling?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Well uh..." Marge pondered. "There's that violent Itchy and Scratchy cartoon her older brother and sister watch..."
The psychiatrist made notes and shook her head.
"But wait! There's something else! Homer uh... is rather short tempered with our son..." said Marge.
"She means when he's acting up I lose it and throttle the little bastard..." said Homer.
The psychiatrist was not pleased... "I'm seeing the problem! There's far too much violence at home!" said the psychiatrist.
"Dr. Catherine Kartwright," Marge pleaded desperately. "I need your help. Tell me what is wrong with my baby!"
At school Lisa finds Willie in the corridor cleaning up vomit. A sickly Wendell is standing nearby groaning. Lisa notices a security camera.
"Willie there's cameras everywhere right?" Lisa asked.
"Aye. Even in the toilets! Although Willie hasn't the foggiest why Skinner needs them there..." said Willie.
"Can I see the monitoring room?" Lisa asked.
"Ach! Okay! But tell no one..." said Willie taking her to the security room to look at the archive tapes and live footage around the school.
While Lisa did this on one of the cameras Bart was doing something he shouldn't be doing. However Willie didn't care or notice and went to sleep.
Lisa found footage of encounters she had with Francine that day. At lunch she hid under the tables but Francine stopped and found her. Grabbing Lisa out from under the table by her throat.
Lisa looked at another scene. Swimming lessons. Francine waved at her. But that was all. She didn't harm her in any way.
"That's odd..." said Lisa. So she rewatched the footage. Then she realized. Francine had a nose plug on. In the footage from lunch Lisa saw Francine was sniffing. She could smell something on Lisa that made her aggressive to her.
"I've got it Willie! I've found out how to defeat that ape Francine!" said Lisa. However Francine was behind her...
Oscar tried to warn Lisa by making Shemp arm gestures.
"Oscar I've seen your stupid Shemp..." said Lisa.
Francine was breathing heavily.
Lisa gulped. "She's right behind me, isn't she...?"
Oscar with a horrified look nodded.
Lisa turned round and gasped as Francine leapt on her and beated her up.
Bart and Oscar were at the nurse's office with Lisa as she nursed her injuries.
"I don't know why I'm shocked. I've had a problem with bullies before! But they were never this violent!" said Lisa.
"Really?!" said Bart and Oscar.
"Yeah! Those girls who have their own toilet for Bad girls..." said Lisa.
There was a flashback of Lisa about to enter a girl's bathroom with smoke coming out of it. However Janey stopped her.
"No Lisa! That's a bad girls bathroom!" said Janey.
"Well duh!" said Lisa. She went in there. There was punching sounds from inside and Lisa stumbled out bruised with messed up hair.
The flashback ended.
"And they always shoved me in the mud and made fun of my nerdie behavior..." said Lisa.
"That's it! Lis, you're getting picked on for being a nerd. The same thing happens with girls as boys. There are plenty of girl bullies willing to pick on you just as there are boys picking on me." said Bart.
"That really helps Bart..." said Lisa.
There was a montage to rock music of Lisa getting bullied by Francine or by Donna and her gang. (The toilet gang with their own bathroom) Francine was beating up Lisa and shoved her in a locker.
Donna and her friends Claire and Monique gave Lisa a swirly in the toilets. (Shoved her head down a toilet and flushed). Francine gave Lisa a wedgie...
At Home Marge had some news for the kids when they got home.
"Kids. Your little sister has been influenced by your Itchy cartoon again... I really think you should find something else to watch!" said Marge.
"Mom! Don't blame the TV for not teaching Maggie right from wrong and not to copy!" said Lisa.
Maggie was strangling Homer with a belt. Marge gasped horrified.
"Coooooool! I can raise her to follow in my footsteps! Mwuhahahahaha!" said Bart laughing evilly.
Bart did precisely that.
He was giggling at a picture of himself as a baby one Fourth of July night. The picture was of Bart as a baby at an outdoor party at night crawling about in just a diaper and handing Homer a lit Roman candle firework. Obviously this scene didn't end well for Homer.
"Okay Mags, this is a picture of Homer with a target drawn on it. And this is Betsy the slingshot. I'll let you borrow her and see what you do." said Bart.
Maggie grinned evilly and fired a rock at the picture of Homer. Bart laughed evilly.
Then music from a clockwork Orange played as Maggie drew on Alex De Large eyelashes on the bottom lid of her eye.
At school Lisa had all the nerds in the gym exercising. She was taking samples of sweat from them.
"Lisa what is the point of this experiment?" Martin asked.
"I believe there's a chemical in nerd sweat that enrages bullies. Now I'm about to prove it!" said Lisa dressed as a scientist as she took some sweat from Martin.
"And I'm just taking DNA samples so I can create an army of mutant nerds! Mwuhahahahaha!" said Hugo also dressed as a scientist laughing evilly.
Lisa sighed at his craziness.
"Hey! That was my evil plan!" Bart ran in dressed as a scientist. "Ay carumba why am I dressed like this?!"
"Oh really? How do you intend to harvest the correct dominant genes and not recessive ones and correct nucleotides and amino acids..." said Hugo.
"I give up..." Bart storms off as Hugo is ruining the fun of being a mad scientist.
In fourth grade, minus Bart, Hugo and the nerds who were all in the gym, had a guest speaker, Drederick Tatum. He was explaining he was the new voice of Tiny Tiger in the Crash Bandicoot reboot.
Oscar kept jeering and throwing things. "Booooo! Leave Tiny alone! He was fine the way he was!"
"Tamaki be quiet!" Skinner told him off.
Lisa then came in. "Skinner I need our guest speaker for a sec."
"Okay but hurry because-good lord! What are you doing?" said Skinner as Lisa dabbed something from a chemical tube on him.
"Please sir, it's just a little experiment! Now everyone watch Nelson." said Lisa.
Nelson suddenly got up and was being controlled by an unknown force that pulled him towards Drederick Tatum.
"Nelson sit down!" Skinner told him to sit down.
"I can't! Must whale on nerd!" Nelson grunted. He started hitting Drederick Tatum. "I'm sorry Mr Tatum! Don't kill me!" said Nelson.
"I'm sorry but you leave little recourse." said Drederick as he pulled up his sleeves.
Nelson cried as he gave Drederick a wedgie.
Lisa grinned smugly. Her experiment was a success. Now she needed something to neutralise the chemical in nerd sweat that enraged bullies.
At home that afternoon after school Bart and Maggie were planning a very cruel, violent prank on Homer. There was a hat on a pedestal labled put your head here for a free hat. In the shadows were swinging log traps meant to crush the head of anyone stupid enough to hold their head above the pedestal.
"Free hat huh? Woohoo!" said Homer resting his head in the air above the pedestal.
Bart and Maggie laughed evilly and cut the ropes holding the logs. The trap activated. The logs crushed Homer's head. He screamed in pain.
Bart laughed loudly.
At dinner he was big trouble...
"Bart stop encouraging your sister!" Marge told Bart off.
"Jokes on you! I got my hat!" said Homer with a crushed head.
Lisa was in her room studying when she determined a very simple way of blocking the smell of nerd sweat. A simple vinegar spray.
"Or deodorant?" Oscar suggested.
"Probably but I can't see fourth graders starting to wear deodorant at gym..." said Lisa. "This is much simpler and cheaper.
"It doesn't answer one problem though." said Oscar.
"What's that?" Lisa asked.
"Why does Jimbo and Nelson pick on me and Bart? We're not nerds! I'd know if I were a nerd..." said Oscar.
"Now I can't say... that is a conundrum... but it'll have to wait another day. The science exhibition is in town again and I need some help capturing Francine..." said Lisa.
"You want me to be bait?" Oscar asked.
"No I bribed Martin to be bait..." said Lisa.
Martin was at a theatre watching a Klingon opera.
"You're on security in case she gets violent..." said Lisa.
"However Francine was surprisingly easy to capture as she was stupid enough to fall for the bait and got stuck in a cage. She wasn't happy.
"Let me out! I'll kill you nerd! Aaaaaaghhh!" Francine screamed in a violent rage.
Lisa tutted and asked her volunteers to take Francine off somewhere.
While Lisa waited for her turn at the science fair they could hear Professor Frink alarm the scientists to get their attention by saying "Pi is exactly three!"
"Mmmmm! Pi..." said Oscar drooling ad gargling like Homer.
Lisa rolled her eyes.
Eventually it as her turn up to explain her discovery about bullies and nerd sweet. While she was on stage Oscar and Bart read the baby care magazine article titled "Are Bees Making a beehive in your baby's diaper pail?" With the crawling cartoon baby illustration.
Oscar giggled. "He looks like Martin as a baby!"
Bart gave him a hard look. "How do you know what Martin looked like as a baby...?"
"It's just his hair. Look! He has Martin's hair!" said Oscar.
"Ay carumba! He does!" said Bart.