Kiss My Aspen! The Woosterfields invite the Simpsons to a skiing trip to Mount Aspen. However when Bart thanks his friend and doppelgänger Simon he explains it wasn’t his idea. They eventually find it was Devan and Quenly’s idea. They have masterminded yet another plan to kill off Simon to get to their father’s fortune.
Meanwhile Carl becomes Homer’s new supervisor. And Marge accidentally becomes a pin up model.
The title gag is Homer riding a garden chair with balloons attached so it can float in the air. He drinks beer.
The billboard gag is a drunk Santa with the message “Don’t face this Christmas sober!”
The chalkboard gag is “I do not have the hots for my mom.”
“Eeeeeeew!” Oscar groans.
The couch gag is the Simpsons as cave people in the prehistoric times sit on a log in a conspicuous black patch only to find to their dismay it is a tar pit and they sink into it and drown. Millions of years later their skeletons are put on display in a museum still sat on the log.
The episode begins at the power plant with all of sector 7G singing For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow! At a retirement party for their supervisor Ted.
“What are you going to do now Ted?” Carl asked.
“Do a little gardening, a little fine dining, learn to speak mandarin...” said Ted the supervisor.
“Oh! Oh! I speak fluent orange!” said Homer being stupid.
“Mandarin is a language in China Homer...” said Ted.
“Yeah you numbskull!” said a rude coworker.
Homer groaned sadly as coworkers insulted him.
After the party they had cake. Homer, Lenny and Carl were eating cake.
”The cake is a lie!” said GLADOS. Mmmmm! Portal....
Homer, Lenny and Carl were in Homer’s work station drinking beer.
Homer and his friends remembered Ted for being a nice, laid back supervisor who didn’t mind them coming in late, or even not at all. And he let them drink alcohol at work.
“And he never had a problem with us making a few adjustments to the vending machine.” said Lenny as the vending machine now produced beer!
“To the unsupervised!” They cheer as a beaky nosed silhouette appeared. They yelp as it is Mr Burns and hide their beers.
“Ahoy hoy. Perhaps you’re all wandering who will be your new supervisor?” Mr Burns asked them.
“Uh can’t we supervise ourselves?” Homer asked. He day dreamed he and his friends Lenny and Carl were driving minis from the Italian Job. Homer collided into a truck blowing it up.
“You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!” Michael Caine yelled at him.
Then they made a crap remake.
The day dream ended.
“No.” said Mr Burns. “But because I have a kidney where my heart should be I have decided one of you will be the supervisor. Now to make the choice...”
Homer stared brain dead as a fly flew into his mouth and he swallowed it. He coughed it out again. The fly then flew off but got eaten by Paul Freeman as Belloq from Indiana Jones.
“How about another crack at the scene Mr Freeman?” asked a director.
“How about another quack at it!” said Paul Freeman using purple force lightning to blow up the director killing him.
”Um what’s with the Paul Freeman cameos...?” Homer asked.
”Why not? He’s cool!” said Oscar.
Mr Burns then checked Lenny. He was drinking a beer so he quickly hid it upside down in his trousers and it formed a wet patch as the beer poured out.
Then Carl. He was standing near a lamp with a flickering bulb. He adjusted it and it stopped flickering.
Mr Burns smiled. “I have decided! The new supervisor will be-“ but heavy debris fell from the ceiling as the corridor collapsed on Mr Burns and Smithers crushing them to death.
“Oh my god! Mr Burns is dead!” Homer gasped. “And we never found out who the supervisor is!”
“Cool! And I got Smithers too!” said Oscar admiring his handiwork as he was the one that caused the ceiling to collapse.
“Meh lets goof off for the rest of the day.” said Lenny.
They went off to goof off.
Carl found the executive bathroom key. It had a little mirror in it.
“The executive bathroom key! So that’s what it would have looked like in that episode where I grew back my hair with dimoxinil.” said Homer. “Let’s go in there!”
They went in the executive bathroom. This time it led to a heliport.
“Executive bathroom?” A goon with sunglasses asked.
“Um yes.” said Homer. The goon welcomed them onto a helicopter.
They flew for some time. “Where are we going?” Homer asked.
“Executive bathroom island!” said Richard Attenborough from Jurassic Park. The Jurassic Park song played as they arrived on a tropical island called Executive bathroom island.
Homer was then in the middle of a jungle sitting on a toilet with his trousers and pants down relaxed. He sighed.
Suddenly a T. rex appeared and roared before eating him.
”Oscar why did you kill Mr Burns and Smithers and reference Jurassic Park?!” Bart groaned.
At the Simpsons house Marge, Luanne, Sarah Wiggum. Bernice Hibbert and Agnes Skinner were discussing their charity bake sale Charity Chicks.
“Our bake sale charity chicks raised five thousand dollars to help fight childhood obesity.” said Marge.
We cut to Bart’s treehouse where Bart, Martin and Uter have bought lots of cakes from the bake sale and were eating them. Bart groaned as he was getting very full.
“To Charity Chicks!” said Uter in a German accent before the wooden floor of the treehouse collapsed under him and he fell.
Back at Marge’s meeting with her friends, the moms.
“What should our next idea be?” Marge asked.
“How about a sexy calendar like the Springfield police department released with their beefcake calendar.” said Luanne.
They looked at a sexy calendar with pictures of the police officers and some of the inmates wearing hot pants or in sexy poses. There was Lou riding a police motorcycle in his hot pants. Eddie helping people cross the road in his hot pants and Snake bare chested lying on his prison cell bed.
“Why is Clancy not in this calendar?” Sarah whined that her husband wasn’t in the calendar.
“Hmmmmm! I don’t know Sarah...” said Marge comforting her.
“I’ll tell ya why!” said Clancy Wiggum. “Because nobody thinks I’m attractive! Well get a load of this ladies!” Clancy came in to the lounge wearing just his hat, hot pants and boots with a gun holstered on his waist and hand cuffs attached. He did a sexy dance.
Everyone except Sarah screamed and recoiled in disgust at his fat almost naked body with his flabby belly as they imagined him as a talking pig.
”Oooooooh Clancy!” Sarah was smitten.
On the twenty fifth of Wiggum... Marge and her friends the moms went to a photo shoot ran by Julio the gay hispanic hairdresser. Luanne was up first dressed in the American flag.
“Okay that’s enough we have plenty. Now who’s the next sexy lady? Ugh! Can’t believe I said that! I need to go wank to a picture of Elton John! Mmmmmmm!” said Julio.
Marge did not get the point of a sexy calendar and came as a fully dressed nineteenth century golfer. And as you should know people in the nineteenth century were embarrassed by table legs.
“Marge I don’t think you get the point of a slutty pin up calendar...” said Julio.
“I Uh don’t want people seeing too much of me!” Marge blushed.
Suddenly her mom arrived!
“Oh come on Marge! Even I showed a bit of leg back in my youth! Here’s a photo of me being arrested on the beach for wearing a revealing swimming costume!” said Jacqueline Bouvier showing a picture of her younger self being arrested on a beach for showing off her legs.
“Hmmmmmm! Yes Mom...” said Marge. “Okay I’ll remove one glove...”
Everyone face palmed.
“Marge hold this glass of red wine.” said Julio pouring her a glass of red wine. She tried some.
“This is good wine!” said Marge.
“Yes it’s under D’illusion. I bought some for my engagement to Brady.” said Julio.
“Well it seems real enough!” said Marge.
“Here have some more wine.” said Julio.
Eventually Marge was so drunk she stripped off naked! Her friends laughed as Julio took pictures of her.
”Oh! Pop goes the chupacabra!” said Julio.
Oscar at an erotic photo shoot for some reason was winding up jack in a boxes. A chupacabra popped out of one hissing and snarling.
Meanwhile at the power plant. Carl was riding the hover boards. No not the cool ones from the future. The crappy mini Segways that explode when recharged.
Homer ran into the office he was in.
“Look! Carl! I took the plant softball team register and mucked up the names!” Homer chuckled.
“Hold a sec Homer I’m seeing how long the battery lasts on these things.” said Carl.
“You see I took Smitty and changed the m to a p.” said Homer.
Carl’s hover board ran out of power. He listened to what Homer had to say.
“So his name is now Spitty. Because of how he spits when he talks?” Homer thought his gag names were funny.
“He had part of his tongue removed. That real funny ya jerk!” Carl scolded him for making fun of another worker’s disability.
“Ooooooh! I’m making an ass of myself again!” Homer cried. “Like when I got kicked out of Moe’s for ruining April fools night and when I ruined Barney’s birthday party...”
“There, there... it’s okay Homer. We all make mistakes...”
“Like that time I dressed as a ghost for Halloween?” Homer asked.
“Homer you went dressed as a ku klux klan member! That’s why I was cross with you!” said Carl.
At the mall Marge was dragging Bart somewhere. Um maybe he’s in trouble? Or getting his tattoo removed. Nah because I’m not allowing that.
“Ungh! Quit dragging me around!” Bart whined. “When you’re old I’ll drag you around and buy you clothes!”
“That’s nice dear.” said Marge.
Bart groaned annoyed. “Peter doesn’t have this trouble with Mudboy!”
Mudboy was laughing maniacally while trying to pull Peter by his arm. He sprayed mud everywhere before falling flat on his face with a cartoony splat. He got up and patted his ear to get mud out of them.
“You do what you want! I’m going to buy a carton of juice!” said Peter annoyed with muddy clothes as he went off alone.
“Wouldn’t Aunt Nora or his older sister Judy make more sense?” Lisa asked.
“No because they have never been depicted dragging Peter anywhere. Only Judy in this picture where she’s pulling Peter by his ear.”
“I got in a lot of trouble from Aunt Nora over that scene. Something about anti child cruelty laws. I don’t think I was pulling his ear that hard...” said Judy.
“Jude that’s really cruel! I campaigned and fought for that to be stopped. Still get a few old fashioned moms who do that!” Oscar ranted.
Mrs Apu as dragging her son Apu by his ear somewhere.
“Kids pipe down! What is all this hub bub?” Marge asked as there were crowds of people reading pin up calendars.
“Nyaaaaagh! I’ve been pin upped!” Mage gasped picking up a calendar. “I’m on every month! Even Smarch!” She went through the erotic pictures of herself. Purrs seductively. “I don’t remember doing any of this! I certainly don’t remember doing that!!”
“Hey naked lady! Take your clothes off!” Cleatus yelled.
“Certainly not!” said Marge.
“Oh well! I have the next best thing!” said Cleatus folding over a page of the calendar so he was imagining Marge’s angry face that was glaring at him on her naked body in the increasingly racy pictures. He was giggling as he ogled them.
“Cleatus your married to Brandine!” said Marge.
“Gimme that!” Brandine yelled snatching Cleatus’s Marge calendar. “Ogling another woman?! We’ll see about that!” Brandine angrily dragged him home by his ear.
“Ow! You’re pulling my ear lobes! Brandine!” Cleatus cried.
Oscar was purring in a perverted manner as he read a Marge pin up calendar. His nose was bleeding.
“Hey! Stop hitting on my mom Oz!” Bart snatched the Marge calendar from him.
“Hey great work Homer. This safety report is excellent! And you haven’t had a melt down all week!” said Carl.
“Oh! I knew I forgot to do something!” said Homer. He ran to his station and suddenly sirens and red warning lights flashed/went off. “Warning melt down imminent! Sector to be locked down in t minus thirty seconds.” said a computerised female voice as lockdown doors sealed them in.
“Oh thanks Homer now we’re trapped in here!” Carl yelled.
“Not exactly. Oscar bought a welding kit with him!” said Homer.
Oscar was wearing a welding mask while using a blow torch to cut through the doors.
“Homer those doors are there to contain radiation! You’ll cause a Chernobyl!” Carl yelled.
“Hey I thought we were staying at the plant to have fun! Don’t make me report you to the new boss Lenny!” said Homer.
Lenny was in Mr Burns’s office relaxing. He spoke on the tannoy. “Attention everyone! Uh... work harder!” said Lenny. He then relaxed. “Piece of cake!”
That weekend Marge was not driving the kids to church! (Except Hugo, Maggie and Oscar of course.)
Bart and Lisa warped away to their places of worship with two pops.
Marge groaned annoyed.
Then she saw a big turn out at church but they were all reading her pin up calendar!
Bart arrived at cathedral. He shrugged and went in.
“Hi Bart.” said Father Liam Neeson.
“Hi Father Liam Neeson.” said Bart going to confess in the confession booths.
Lisa arrived at Buddhist temple where Richard Gere was meditating.
Lenny and Carl were doing over time at the plant that’s why Homer wasn’t at church for some reason. See?! My screwed up canon makes more sense than the actual canon!
Marge went to church with just Maggie and maybe Oscar and Hugo.
Hugo taking Bart’s stage directions ran briskly ahead once they got out of the car to the crowd outside the church.
“You can hardly tell the difference sighed Marge proudly.
Hugo turned around and laughed maniacally at Marge while rubbing his hands evilly. Plus he has two big Dale style buck teeth sticking out and Bart does not.
“Never mind...” Marge sighed.
Everyone soon noticed her.
“There is the woman that made February the hottest month of the year!” said Comicbook Guy.
“Well he’s single.” said Marge’s brain to herself.
“Ahoy hoy! Because of your shapely figure Marge I have decided to convert from the Julien calendar to the Gregorian calendar.” said Mr Burns despite being dead!
Gregorian the raven headed evil wizard from the Smurfs laughed evilly. “A calendar named after me! How delightful! Mwuhahahaha!”
“Oh no! Gregorian!” Peewit the dwarf/midget/ambiguously possibly a short kid gasped. “I’m twenty five! I’m a dwarf!” He said to the fourth wall.
“Mr Burns, aren’t you dead?” Marge asked.
A crucifix from the church fell on Mr Burns and crushed him to death.
Then a big sassy black woman appeared. “Marge I heard your pants ain’t hiring because your butt won’t quit!” She did a sassy head Bob.
Everyone clapped and cheered at her wit.
“Um... who are you exactly?” said Marge. “I’ve never seen you at church before.”
“Mavis. I’m the token black character in church scenes now. Since the Hibberts went to gospel church! Ooooooh! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord baby!” said Mavis the sassy black lady.
At cathedral Bart saw Father Liam Neeson go into his office by inputting a password. He put in Kneel before Christ!
“Kneel before Christ!” said the key code in a computerised female tone.
“I really wish it wouldn’t shout out the password loudly...” Liam Neeson sighed as he went in to do paper work.
“Kneel before Zod!” Bart yelled.
“Bart no shouting in church please. And it’s kneel before Christ...” said Father Liam Neeson.
“Sorry Father Liam Neeson. It’s time I get going. My mom still doesn’t accept I’m Catholic now...” said Bart.
“Hmmmmm. I could have a seminar with her Bart.” said Father Liam Neeson.
“No point. She’ll only talk to Reverend Lovejoy. And he’s not likely to support my decision...” said Bart.
“Well see you next weekend Bart.” said Father Liam Neeson practicing his golf swings with a green lightsaber.
Bart shrugged and left.
At the plant Homer and his friends Lenny and Carl drove minis from the Italian Job around the car lot until it was time to go home.
At the Simpsons house there were power fluctuations as the lights flickered.
“Hmmmmm! Your father and his friends at work need some discipline now that Mr Burns is dead again! They can’t keep mucking about all day not producing electricity!” said Marge.
“Maybe if we went over to wind energy Mom this wouldn’t happen!” said Lisa.
“That’s not going to happen until clean energy becomes as reliable and always available as coal, oil and gas.” said Hugo.
“You can’t have it sunny all the time or windy all the time! The results would be devastating on the environment!” said Lisa.
“Then you can’t use clean energy to meet today’s current demands for electricity then!” said Hugo.
Lisa sighed defeated.
Homer arrived home with the mail. He was reading it. “Bill. Bill. Final summons. Bill. Bill. Oh! Free carpet sample! Fuzzy! Bill. Bill. Death threat to Bart from Sideshow Bob. Bill. Bill. And oh! A letter from your posh friend Simon Woosterfield!” said Homer giving Bart the letter.
Bart opens it and reads it.
I cordially invite you and your family to Aspen for a skiing trip.
PS. No Alvin and the Chipmunks jokes!”
“Cooool! Simon’s inviting us to go skiing at Aspen!” said Bart.
“Awwwwww! I wanted to go to France with Carl...” said Homer.
“And I wanted to have a not quite friendly dinner, not quite affair with Ned Flanders...” Marge sighed.
“Marge we’ve been through this. Your little crush on Ned is nothing more than a crush. You’re not ruining your marriage to Homer just so you can bang Ned!” said Oscar.
“Oscar don’t talk like that!” said Marge.
“Well we better get packing!” said Homer.
“Wait. The kids have to attend the beginning of the next school week so I can ask Skinner to give them the week off. Otherwise we’ll get a fine!” said Marge.
The boys groaned. Lisa was quiet happy going to school Monday.
However for Bart School was even more obnoxious as while Mrs Krabappel was reading out historical facts Nelson would rhyme with a remark about Bart’s Mom while reading a sexy calendar of her.
“Today class we will be learning about Washington crossing the Delaware.” said Krabappel.
“I’d rather see Bart’s mom in her underwear!” said Nelson reading a pin up calendar. Bart glared at him.
“The British were lead by General Howe.” said Krabappel.
“Bart’s Mom is a general wow!” said Nelson.
“Shut up! That’s my mom you’re hitting on!” Bart shouts at him.
“Keep away Bart’s Mom!” Nelson throws the calendar to Milhouse. He ogles the calendar.
“Ooooooh! Mrs S! You can tuck me in anytime!” said Milhouse pervertedly.
“Lower those eyebrows now Milhouse! Or you get one between the eyes from Betsy!” Bart yelled aiming his slingshot at Milhouse.
“My eyebrow is stuck! I have a quizzical expression for the rest of my life!” said Milhouse.
“I’d like to get quizzical with Bart’s Mom!” said Nelson.
“Shut up!” Bart dived at him and they started fighting.
Bart was sent to the principal’s office.
“For standing up to an older Boy! Bart I don’t see why your behaviour today should be rewarded with the week off!” Skinner scolded him.
“Now hold on Seymour... let’s look at my calendar.... Ooooooh!” Super Nintendo Chalmers was ogling a Marge calendar. “Suddenly I’m feeling unadministrative... Ohohoho!”
“Oh yes sir! Oooooooh!” Skinner ogled the calendar too.
Bart growled annoyed.
Meanwhile Marge was somehow roped into more drunken photo shoots.
“Oh! Oh! Naughty Marge! Oh there we go! (Marge’s hair pops up) Pop goes the chupacabra!” said Julio taking photographs.
Meanwhile Oscar plays with a Jack in a box. He turns the handle as it plays pop goes the weasel until suddenly the jack in a box pops open but instead of the Jack/clown, a chupacabra leaps out hissing and snarling. The goat sucking monster leapt about the Simpsons house.
“Eep!” Oscar gulped.
Marge heard about Bart’s fight at school.
”Mr Skinner, I am not mad with Bart because he was right to stand up for me and be annoyed at his friends lewd remarks! I have no idea why I stripped off for a calendar... oh it was for charity.... But you’d have to get me blind drunk to be that naked!” She noticed Skinner ogling a calendar. “Skinner! Stop that!”
“Ahem! Sorry Mrs Simpson.” said Skinner.
”Bart. I understand why you were mad at Nelson. Unfortunately I couldn’t get you out of your months suspension.” said Marge.
”It’s okay Mom. I can’t wait for my vacation with Simon Woosterfield.” said Bart. “I wonder what he’s doing now...”
At the Woosterfield mansion.
”Alvin! Simon! Theodore! We’re the chipmunks!” Simon and his brothers sung. Hehehe! Chipmunk...
”Narrator enough! Please!” Bart whined.
”Well goodnight dear.” Marge tucked Bart in.
”Night Mom.” said Bart as she kissed him.
Then Marge tucks Oscar in like Simon in Double, Double, Boy in Trouble but even more babyish. Because Oscar likes cute stuff...
”Okay sweetie lie on your plastic mattress so I can change you. I’m sure your diapee wipey is a little stinky today, munchkin.” said Marge.
Bart in his room sleeping could hear this and rolled his eyes.
Oscar grinned and complied lying down in his pyjamas on his plastic mattress. Marge pulled off his bottoms so his diaper was accessible.
”Oh looks like you only had a small puddle wuddle today, munchkin.” said Marge.
”Yep, been a good boy today haven’t you, champ?” said Teddy, Oscar’s living teddy bear creature as Oscar hugged him.
”Now Munchkin. Are you sure you want the whole tuck in time routine.” Marge asked.
”Yes Mrs Simpson.” said Oscar lying there with his diaper visible.
“Okay put back on your pyjama bottoms.” said Marge. Oscar did so and got into bed with his teddy bear creature.
Marge lovingly tucked Oscar in. “And I’ll tuck you in, fluff your pillow and tickle your feet! Tickle tickle tickle!” said Marge tickling his feet.
Marge Sung the lame tuck in time song.
”All aboard the sleepy train to visit Mother Goose. Oscar’s stop is Snoozyland to rest his sweet caboose.” Marge sung as Oscar yawned and nodded off. Marge put his shiny blue pacifier in his mouth. He sucked it gently.
“And here’s some magical fairy dust to keep the monsters away.” Marge sprinkled something. “It’s cinnamon...” well duh! “Good night sweetie.”
“Night Mrs Simpson!” said Oscar. (I could get used to this!) he told himself.
That afternoon they were all packing to go to Aspen.
“I can’t wait to leave town for a while.” said Bart.
“Why’s that sweetie?” Marge asked.
“Because your underdressed calendars are embarrassing me at school! All my friends and the male teachers keep hitting on you!” Bart yelled.
“Well I certainly won’t have that! Believe me sweetie I am not enjoying this new found fame! I most certainly don’t find it amusing!” said Marge.
“Yeah the only man who should be ogling your mother is myself!” said Homer.
“Eeeeew! Dad...” said Bart.
“Now let’s forget this horrible turn of events and go on w fun holiday!” said Marge.
They all got in Marge’s Orange car and drove away.
To make sure everyone had room. Marge carried Maggie and Hugo sat in the baby seat.
“Mom Hugo’s squirming. I’m tightening his seatbelt.” said Bart. He pulled Hugo’s seat belt far too tight.
“Yeeeowch!” Hugo cried as the belt crushed him.
“Kids settle back there and be on your best behaviour! Bart’s friend Simon is very posh!” said Marge.
“He’s also quiet easy going Mom. Although he’s a bit of a dork...” said Bart.
“Hmmmmmmmm...” Marge sighed.
Eventually they arrived at Aspen ski resort. The Woosterfields were there. Oscar was annoying Bart by singing the Alvin and the chipmunks theme tune from the nineties. “We’re the chipmunks! Alvin! Simon! Theodore!”
Bart growled and shoved him in the snow.
“Bart!” Marge scolded him.
“Greetings Bart!” said Simon.
“Hey Simon.” said Bart. Oscar was face down in the snow still singing Alvin and the chipmunks. “Just ignore Oscar he’s in one of his silly moods about you being Simon from Alvin and the chipmunks....” said Bart.
“Well you probably won’t want to hear about my wardrobe malfunction today...” said Simon.
Bart yawned to show he was not interested.
“It all started this morning...” said Simon having a flashback.
Simon Woosterfield was getting dressed. He couldn’t find one of his dorky cardigans.
“Father I have no clean cardigans!” said Simon.
“Just wear your colour coded turtleneck sweater that matches up with your brothers’!” said Dave the human.
“But father! Those sweaters make us look like Screwy, Dewey and Louie!” Simon whined.
“It’s Huey, Dewey and Louie, Brainiac...” said Alvin Woosterfield.
The flashback ended.
”SImon I don’t want to hear about Alvin and the Chipmunks references... And you wrote to me asking me not to do that!”
”Did I?! How laughable! Bart I I find Oscar’s light hearted rubbing of my family hilarious!” Simon giggled.
Bart and Simon were at a peak of a skiing course.
“Thanks for inviting my family Simon.” said Bart.
“Uh, I didn’t invite you.” said Simon.
“You didn’t?” said Bart.
“I just assumed my dad was being generous to your family for swapping us back in the nick of time.” said Simon.
“Not my idea Simon!” said Dave the human.
“Alvin?” Simon asked his brother.
“Search me bro.” Alvin was confused.
“Theodore?” Simon asked.
“Nope Nope! Not me!” said Theodore nervous of heights.
“Oh yeah, I forgot Theodore is scared of heights.” said Simon.
“Then who orchestrated this holiday?” Bart asked. Suddenly two tall shadows covered them as ominous music played.
“Why this was our idea little half brother...” said Quenly. They did a Team Rocket rap. Nooooo!
“To protect the world from devastation!” said Devan.
“To unite all people within one nation!” said Quenly.
“Yaaaaaaagh! Quenly and Devan!!” Simon screamed. He nudged Bart.
“Oh yeah. Your murderous evil half brother and sister! I forgot!” said Bart.
“Yes it is us twerps!” said Quenly. Oh great and the girl is calling them twerps too! What next? Devan having a thing for roses?
“Why not?” said Devan holding a red rose.
“Are you guys doing a reoccurring antagonist now?! Seriously!?” Bart asked.
“I don’t see why not!” said Quenly.
“I think we should come back to terrorise and attempt to kill our half brother constantly until we eventually succeed!” said Devan.
“Which will be today brother.” said Quenly.
“No offence my homicidal half siblings. But I’m not as half witted as my doppelgänger Bart.” said Simon.
“Hey!” Bart yelled.
“Sorry but Quenly and Devan told me how when you were pretending to be me they managed to trick you into thinking corpses decompose into red liquorice laces! Honestly Bart...” Simon sighed.
“I’m easily mislead!” said Bart.
“Anyway as I was saying my murderous half siblings. Whatever devious plot you have I’m not going to fall for it.” said Simon.
“Oh we’re just gonna push you and Bart down this mountain. Bye bye twerps!” said Quenly pushing them to their deaths down an expert skiing course.
The siblings gloated that they had got rid of Simon and Bart once and for all.
“Have a jacket potato brother.” Quenly tried to give Devan a possibly poisonous baked potato. He grimaced as he didn’t want it.
“Where’s your brother and his friend Simon?” Marge asked.
“It looks like they’re in a giant cartoon snowball with their heads and skis sticking out while rolling down the mountain.” said Lisa.
“Oh lord!” Marge gasped.
“Oh if it’s a people stuck in a giant snowball rolling down the mountain gag they’ll be fine...” said Homer.
“Daaaaad! This is not a cartoon! They’ll die if we don’t stop them!” said Lisa.
Meanwhile Oscar and Hugo were skiing down a beginners course.
“This looks just like those silly corny video games that got included in the very first web cams...” said Oscar.
“You have a web cam?” Hugo asked.
“Not exactly. I can’t go online. It’s just for gimmicky video games where you can super impose your face into them. Like that video tape Homer got for Lisa’s birthday once.
“Well, at least she got a nice video tape for her birthday... “ said Hugo.
There was a cut away to Hugo’s birthday party.
“Here’s my present. Mutant Bart.” said Homer.
Hugo opened the present it was a blank VHS tape.
“Put it in and see what’s on it boy!” said Homer.
Hugo shrugged his shoulders and put the tape in the tape player under the TV. It automatically played the tape. On a black screen a white ring appeared. Then static then black and white film of a creepy girl with wet stringy hair climbing out of a well by crab walking. She then approached the screen.
“Seven days...” she whispered.
The cut away ended with Hugo shivering.
Bart and Simon rolled screaming down the mountain. Simon’s glasses got buckled along the way.
“My glasses!” Simon whined.
“What about our lives Simon!?” Bart replied.
Oscar imagined the ski course like that corny Macintosh eye toy rip off video games for the PC with a cheap webcam that doesn’t even go online and Stupid cartoon characters. He imagines cartoon seals, penguins and polar bears and that he has to dodge them.
“Why is rubber dinghy bobsledding not a thing?” Hugo asked.
“Because Indiana Jones won’t allow it!” said Oscar.
“Can you two nuts not interrupt our dire situation?!” Bart yelled as he tumbled down the mountain with Simon in a big snowball. Eventually they landed in a hot tub. Unfortunately not a time travelling Hot tub...
“That movie sucked!” said Homer.
The snow melted and Bart and Simon relaxed in the lovely hot water.
“Excuse me. Are you members?” A waiter asked them.
Simon fished out a laminated card with his name on.
“Ah Master Woosterfield! Your father owns this ski club! Come in!” said the waiter helping him out of the tub.
“This boy is invited too.” said Simon pointing to Bart.
“As you wish Master Woosterfield.” said the waiter welcoming them into the lovely warm ski lodge.
“Wow! Sweet place your dad owns Simon!” said Bart.
“Sssh! I’m trying to call my Father to let him know I’m alright. Then I need to call the authorities and your folks.” said Simon.
Suddenly Quenly and Devan barged in. Because they’re members of the ski lodge too!
“Ah I see you two are still alive...” said Quenly.
“But not for long!” said Devan.
Bart and Simon screamed. Then Simon’s mobile went off. It played chipmunkified versions of popular pop songs.
Bart glared at him.
“Not funny! You’re not a cartoon chipmunk in a turtleneck sweater!” Bart ranted.
Simon smirked despite them facing death.
Suddenly Oscar in a giant snowball rolled into Quenly and Devan scooping them up in the snowball and rolling out the balcony doors and off the hot tub balcony.
“Looks like we’re rolling off agaiiiiin!” Quenly and Devan cried as they vanished.
Bart and Simon went to check on them.
“Do ya think they’re... dead?” Bart asked.
“I highly doubt it. Against all possible logic they’ll be back...” Simon sighed.
“Master Woosterfield your hot chocolate is ready.” said a waiter.
“Thanks!” said Simon going indoors.
The Simpsons and Dave the human with Alvin and Theodore found Bart and Simon.
”Oh my sweet little baby! You’re alive!” Marge embarrassed the hell out of Bart and hugged and kissed him.
”Moooooom!” Bart whined.
”I’m so glad you’re okay and in one piece Simon.” said Dave Woosterfield hugging his son. “Devan and Quenly are so going straight back to juvenile hall when we get home...”
”Well Dave, it’s been an eventful day today, but we’re tired and want to get back to our beds.” said Homer.
”As you wish Homer. Simon’s had quiet a day today too.” said Dave.
”But I’m not tired...” Simon Woosterfield whined.
We cut to Simon in a fancy room of his mansion with a fireplace.
“And that’s how I Simon Woosterfield survived yet another attempt on my life from my evil half brother and sister.” said Simon wearing his glasses and a blue over sized cartoonish turtleneck sweater that was so long only his feet poked out of the bottom. But it was in the correct proportions to fit him. “Oh and Bart reunited with his family, Marge’s short lived infamy as a pin up babe fizzled out and Mr Burns returned to life once again to terrorise Springfield...”
“Alviiiiiiin!” Dave shouted. Causing Simon to cover his ears in pain.