Jewbacabra During a baseball game between Little Isotopes and Brantford 9ners it snows unexpectedly and Oscar gets a cold. Unfortunately he is currently staying with his Jewish friend Jurkle who’s parents use old fashioned methods for curing illnesses. Then Bart misses a catch at the next baseball game and is bullied by the towns folk to nearly committing suicide and Homer sells mattresses.
The couch gag is the Simpsons playing musical chairs. Homer loses and groans.
The episode starts as in the Boys of Bummer. Bart’s baseball team, the little Isotopes are playing baseball. They are currently fielding. A fat kid is on one of the mounds. They are playing against Peter Shepherd’s team, the Brantford 9ners.
Homer arrives with snacks.
“What took you so long? The games almost over!” said Marge.
“Oh I was held up at the snack aisle watching the hotdogs go round and round like they don’t have a care in the world...” said Homer. “No more lazy Sundays for you!” He said to a hotdog before biting it.
Nelson did hand movements/ sign language to his team mate who was behind the batter of the other team.
Peter was in line to bat waiting bored and picking his nose.
“Ugh! Aunt Nora, Peter’s picking his nose again...” Judy sighed.
Aunt Nora sighed.
Nelson confident his team mate got the message threw the ball.
“Strike two!” said the umpire. The batter got a strike, his second one.
Frink was doing maths. “Ah two strikes, just one to go!” His sum was just 3 minus 2 = 1. Uh...
Oscar wrote 1 + 1 = Window! Which is true, just as 4 + 1 = Moo!
“Numbers are fun!” said Lisa. Francine lunged at her and beat her up for being a dork.
“This is it boys! We win this game and we go straight to the finals!” said Ned. “Let’s do it for Groundskeeper Willie for making me this lovely black bicep warmer!” Ned has a black mourning band on his bicep. “And eh Jimmy who I am wearing this black band for in memory of... poor little guy...”
Everyone cried and sobbed as they wore black memorial arm bands.
“Ach, it keeps me naughty hands busy!” said Willie making black memorial bands.
Nelson threw a fastball. The opposition batter on Peter Shepherd’s team batted.
The ball was heading for Milhouse.
“I got it! I got it!” said Milhouse.
Bart rudely pushed him over and caught the ball.
“I hogged it! I hogged it!” said Bart.
“My boy caught the ball! Homer cheered.
“Your boy pushed my boy over!” Kirk said annoyed.
“Shaddup Kirk.” said Homer.
The score keepers put a red Isotots Won! Banner down to show Bart’s team the Isotots won.
Everyone except Peter’s team cheers.
“Yes! This more than makes up for everything that’s gone wrong in my life!” Homer cheered.
“I am also proud!” said Marge.
Mayor Quimby held a rally in celebration of the local little league team winning. Anyway it’s boring, so let’s liven it up.
“Behold my naked butt!” said Bart mooning his friends and the rest of town.
People cried in disgust.
“Now little Bartholomew... be humble...” said Mayor Quimby, chastising him.
Oscar laughed hysterically. “Bum! Bum! Bum! Bum! Buuuuuum!” He sung the word bum repeatedly.
Springfield Isotots vs Shelbyville um... Sluggers?
Shelby’s team were playing Bart’s. They all gave the Springfield kids threatening looks and throat cut gestures.
The kid who wears a mask and sits behind the batter to catch the ball to strike him out was singing Bugs Bunny’s singing in the bath tub song. “Singing in the bath tub! Singing all along!”
The batter got annoyed and pulled hard on his mask allowing it to snap hard in his face.
The umpire/referee blew his whistle and sent the batter off. Then he got into an argument with the Shelbyville baseball coach. Peter in the stands wished he had his Jumanji voodoo doll still.
The next batter was up.
When Nelson tossed a fast ball, the batter hit it.
“And what a disappointment for Springfield as Shelbyville finally hits a ball. Our boys better catch it before Shelbyville gets a home run!” said the commentator.
“I got it! I got it! Bart went after the ball. He jumped to get it.
“It’s too high for Bart!” said Martin.
But Bart’s arm suddenly stretched as his Stretchdude powers took hold. He caught the ball.
“Your out!” The umpire caught a batter out between bases.
“Wow! Way to go Bart!” Nelson cheered Bart.
“No fair! No super powers!” said a player on the opposing team.
Wiggum’s patrol car arrived.
“I’m sorry kids, but Nelson here has earned himself a stay in juvie!” said Wiggum arresting Nelson.
“Awwwwwww!” Nelson whined as he was arrested. "What did i do this time?"
“Now who’s up to pitch?” Bart asked.
“Oscar, you’re pitching.” said Ned.
Oscar took the mound. He kept passing the ball into his glove.
His team mate Bart did sign language.
Oscar did disco era hand gestures.
“Oscar that doesn’t mean anything! Those are Disco era hand gestures from that one dance...” Bart sighed.
Oscar in sign language said “You drive me crazy.”
“Oz, you just said I drive you crazy...” Bart sighed.
“Just pitch!” Homer yelled from the stands.
Oscar learning from Baseball played on the TV spat on the ball before getting ready to throw.
“Oz do not spit on the ball... we have to touch that...” Bart groaned.
Oscar rolled his eyes and tossed a fast ball.
“Strike one!” said the umpire.
All the Springfield citizens sighed with relief.
Sometime later Shelby was batting. Suddenly it started raining.
“Oh it looks like rain folks!” said the commentator.
Very soon the pitch got muddy.
Oscar smirked and drew Mudboy in the mud. He oozed out of the mud. Seeing Peter in the crowd he pulled faces at him.
Peter rolled his eyes.
“Oz stop summoning Mudboy....” Bart sighed.
Then the rain became snow for some stupid reason.
The cold got to Oscar. His nose was red and he shivered badly. “Aaaaachooo!” He sneezed.
The umpire called off the game. “Game postponed.”
Everyone one went in the changing rooms.
In the Isotopes changing room.
“Oz doesn’t look very well! I think he has a cold...” said Milhouse.
“Oh an of all days to get one!” said Jurkle, the Jewish kid. “He’s staying over at mine! And my mom believes in traditional home remedies....”
“Ugh! Poor Oscar...” Bart sighed.
Oscar soon felt very poorly at Jurkle’s house and retired to bed. The Simpsons and Jurkle’s family checked on him to see if he was alright.
“I just want to rest. Leave me be so I can sleep.” said Oscar. “My cold should go away soon on it’s own...”
“Maybe take some vitamin C Oscar.” Lisa suggested.
“Okay...” said Oscar bunged up.
“Oh no no no! That won’t do! You need to eat something nice and hot child! I’ll make my best chicken soup with dumplings!” said Jurkle’s Mom.
“Mom....” Jurkle sighed.
The Simpsons went home and Bart did not get depressed and try to commit suicide.
The next day Marge was at Cosingtons asking Aunt Nora, yes I’m insisting that posh woman at the service desk is Aunt Nora, if she had a certain dress for Bart’s big game.
“The narrator also thought Gloria Ironbachs was Aunt Nora...” Lois Griffin sighed.
Marge chatted on an and on about Bart.
“I’m just gonna hum to drown out your voice...” said the customer service lady that looks like Aunt Nora.
Marge continued chatting.
Homer groaned. “I hate shopping! I wonder where the husband chair is?” He looked round for a chair. Dr Hibbert took one.
“Unless your here to get me a soda or hold my bags go away.” said Dr Hibbert.
Homer saw an empty chair. He ran for it but Chief Wiggum sat in it and pointed his gun at Homer.
“My Sarah is looking for a bikini that doesn’t make her look like a hor-Yeeeeow! Pointy!” Wiggum explained but got up because a small round red thing with needles prickled him.
“This seat’s too pointy!” He gave up and left.
Bart popped out from behind it. “The Goose Gladwell brand pincushion! Hasn’t failed me yet!” said Bart collecting the red pointy ball. “Take a seat Dad!”
“Woohoo! Oh thanks boy!” said Homer taking a seat.
A Jurkle’s he was prostrating himself before a Star of David and praying.
“Um Marge ordered som air stewardesses to stop some Jewish men doing that on a plane because it scared her...” said Oscar coughing and sneezing.
“Gesundheit.” said Jurkle. “And she ought to be ashamed! I’m just praying the Jewish way!”
“Jurkle dear, don’t get too close to your friend. You don’t want to catch his nasty cold do you?” said Jurkle’s Mom. “Now leave him to eat his soup!”
She served Oscar a piping hot bowl of chicken and noodle soup with dumplings.
Oscar was confused.
“Just be thankful my Mom didn’t cook up one of her exotic recipes... Chicken banana fritter soup with curry fries... Eeeeugh!” said Jurkle gagging in disgust as he left.
Oscar waited for his soup to cool before attempting to eat it.
In the Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back themed episode of Codename Kid’s next Door Student Body President Jimmy some how has authority over the school buses and legal power to kidnap his fellow classmates and kids in other classes with 2X4 technology enhanced school buses that look like the AT-AT giant robot camels from The Empire Strikes Back. Seriously why did the teachers not stop a pupil hijacking and modifying the school buses?! Why are the authorities not stopping him from kidnapping kids and imprisoning them in the school?!
“See absurdly powerful Student Body council” said Bart.
His secretary reveals she helped give the leader of sector V, Nigel Uno aka Numbuh One a cold thanks to her uncle being the Common Cold.
“There is a cold virus themed super villain that has a big shiny red clown nose! Cooool!” said Oscar/Lucky Numbuh Seven.
“Oh great not the clown thing...” Wallabee Beatles aka Numbuh Four groaned.
“Well in my universe and the Simpsons the cold is spread by Meuka, a cartoon slime monster round rodent with a long slimy tail.” said Oscar.
Instead of losing the game and getting horribly and cruelly humiliated. Bart’s team were just disappointed and down that they lost. They had just lost against a not very well known team from Dallas. Which I suppose is embarrassing.
“Booooo!” Krusty tried to rile the crowd up at Bart for costing the game.
“Krusty! He’s just a boy! Leave him alone!” Marge scolded him.
“Hey it’s the mother of that boy! If you used a condom we would have won and that loser would never been born!” Moe yelled.
“Hey leave my wife and my not so perfect kids alone!” Homer yelled.
“Yeah! If Dad used a condom. I’d never be born!” said Hugo.
“Quiet boy.” Homer told him to be quiet.
The crowd argued. Some were arguing with the Simpsons over Bart, some were scolding the cruel ones in the crowd like Rich Texan and Krusty for being horrible to Bart.
A big screen read the message “Throw beers at him!”
Krusty and Moe threw beers at Bart. They missed him and he caught one. He laughed deviously and drank one before another knocked him out.
People continued arguing as Bart was escorted out on a stretcher.
The Simpsons sighed and went home.
At Jurkle’s, Jurkle found Oscar sitting on his bed wearing a diaper.
“Oz why are you on the spare bed in a diaper?” Jurkle sighed.
“Because I have a fever and need to cool down. And because Meuka likes cute babes! They’re his favourite...” said Oscar.
“That doesn’t sound right...” Jurkle cringed.
“Anyway that soup wasn’t so bad.” said Oscar.
“You should see my Mom’s other cures.” said Jurkle. “Wait! Why tell you when I can show you!” said Jurkle with joy. “But no wearing a diaper in the musical montage...”
There was a montage.
“When I’m just poorly and fatigued!” Jurkle sang.
“Have some borscht dear!” said Jurkle’s Mom serving a sick him in bed with a bowl of borscht. (Beetroot soup).
“Eeeeew! Beetroot...” Oscar groaned.
“When I have chicken pox...” Jurkle sang.
“Porridge bath for you!” said his mom. She dropped naked Jurkle in a bath of goopy slimy porridge with a splat. He was covered in oozing slimy porridge.
“Wheeeeen I’m on the road and I’m travel sick...” Jurkle sung. There was a scene of Jurkle on the school bus. His face turned a cartoonish green and he had bulging shiny cheeks.
His mom who was the designated parent for that school trip gave him an elixir/health drink of ginger. Or a can of ginger beer.
“My mom dislikes me consuming E numbers narrator, it would definitely be a home made health drink...” said Jurkle.
“Eeeeeeeeeee!” yelled Oscar making fun of a disabled kid at his old remedial school.
“Wanna know what she does if I get pleurisy?” Jurkle asked in song.
“I think Peter got that once... or was it Norwegian Pleurisy...” said Oscar.
“Same thing more or less, just different strains. I bet his aunt used the traditional treatment for clearing sinuses. A mustard chest rub...” said Jurkle. In the song he shows a scenr where he is bed sick. His mom takes off his pajama top and smears a mustard chest rub on him.
“Yep. When will they learn to go to the pharmacy and buy some vapouril?” Vapour gel for clearing sinuses.
“That camomile lotion for chicken pox is so addictive though...” said Jurkle.
“Jurkle let your friend rest please! And come down and eat your (Yiddish or throat clearing sounds)” Said Jurkle’s Mom.
“Is she trying to cough up phlegm?!” Oscar asked.
“No! That was Yiddish!” Jurkle said offended.
Homer found a bed that felt comfortable. He sat on it. “Hmmmmm doesn’t feel right that I don’t lie down and really get the feel of it...” Homer lied on it. “I should really lie under the covers.” He pulled the blanket over himself. “Hmmmmm! I feel more comfortable with my pants off...” he takes his blue trousers off and drapes them over a night stand near the bed. He then went to sleep.
“You’re doing it all wrong...” said Peter Griffin. He stripped down to his underwear. He put on blood pressure socks, a breathing mask and turned on a machine it was attached to, and then ate a big bowl of berries making a big mess as he got berry juice everywhere.
“Right that’s it! Get out of my store!” Mr Cosington threw Peter out of his store.
Oscar in a diaper was sleeping when he needed to sneeze. He sneezed very hard. “Aaaachooo!” and Meuka oozed out of his nose. The snot monster laughed hysterically.
Oscar gulped and wet his diaper.
Suddenly Jurkle came in.
“Oscar wanna see my- Oh crud! A giant living booger!” Jurkle screamed.
Meuka oozed back up Oscar’s nose.
“Jurkle do you mind? Meuka was in the middle of tormenting me...” Oscar frowned.
“I was just about to show you my Dreidel...” Jurkle had a dreidel. He put it on the bedroom floor and spun it. He began singing “dreidel, dreidel! I made you out of clay!”
As the dreidel spun Oscar launched his beyblade at it and it knocked the Dreidel until it fell over
“Oscar! No! It’s not a beyblade!” Jurkle groaned. “Look if you want to play with gross blobs of slime my night stand has a yodelling slime puddle in it...” Jurkle opened the middle drawer of his nightstand and a slime oozed out and fell onto the carpet as a messy green puddle. Then it started yodelling.
Oscar giggled and coughed.
In his room, Bart was throwing away his a Krusty stuff. Then he wrote a list of people he hated. They were the people throwing beers at him. They were, Krusty, Moe, Rich Texan and Willie.
“Moe doesn’t even deserve my prank phone calls any more!” Bart ranted. “Oh well, back to prank phone calling Linda Lavin!” Bart rang up Linda Lavin. “Hey Linda! Guess who! Mwuhahahaha!” Bart laughed when Linda answered the phone.
Marge was at a town meeting scolding all the people who were mean to Bart.
“I say we egg their houses and leave flaming bags of dog poop on their doorsteps see how they like it!” Lenny yelled.
“No, two wrongs don’t make a right, Lenny...” Marge sighed. “We will blank you and boycott Krusty until you apologize to Bart personally.
“Well you’ll be waiting an eternity ma’am because I ain’t apologizing to a loser...” said Krusty. "We hate him and we wish he would die!"
Jurkle was wearing a surgical mask when he went to see Oscar.
“Mom wants to know if you’re well enough for dinner. It’s Saturday so it’s Shabbat.” said Jurkle.
“What’s Shabbat?” Oscar asked.
“Sabbath night dinner. For Jewish people the sabbath is on Saturday.” said Jurkle.
“Ah.” said Oscar.
“I hope you have enough space in your tummy for all of it because there are a lot of courses...” Said Jurkle. “And try not to sneeze on everything...”
“That reminds me of the time a snot chia kidnapped me.” said Oscar imagining a time when a giant snot chia was holding him in its slimy hand and serving snot food.
Oscar sat up but felt woozy and light headed.
“I still feel unwell. I’ll have to pass.” said Oscar.
“I’ll let Mom know.” said Jurkle.
Oscar got some much needed privacy to act like a baby. He sat on the spare bed in a diaper with his teddy bear Teddy. Teddy sniffed his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose.
Oscar gurgled like a baby and honked Teddy’s nose. It squeaked like a toy.
”Ow! My nose!” Teddy whined but smirked as he played along by sniffing Oscar’s diaper again.
Lisa took Bart to get support from Joe La Boot. A famous baseball player.
”Come on Bart, I’m sure old Joe will understand even the finest catcher misses a catch.” said Lisa.
“Bart?! Are you Bart Simpson?” asked Joe La Boot.
Bart nods his head.
“The kid who dropped that easy fly-ball?! You stink like a dutchman's throw up! Talking to you was the biggest error of my life!
A crowd forms and boos at Bart.
”Go to hell!”
”We hate Bart! We hate Bart!” Lisa noticed the hateful townsfolk’s eyes turn red.
“Boo. Boo indeed!” Joe La Boot was just as nasty too.
Bart cried as tears welled up and he hiccuped from crying.
Meanwhile at Jurkle’s house.
Red lightning jolted from Oscar as he was restless with anger.
”What’s wrong Oz?” Jurkle his Jewish friend asked.
”It’s Bart. Everyone is being horrible to him! I have to stop them!” Oscar said and snorted as he was bunged up from his cold.
”Nuh uh! You are in no fit state to do anything! Just rest Oz!” said Jurkle.
Oscar sighed. He was right. It would be a very bad idea to over exert himself right now while he was sick.
Bart decided to leave Springfield, and never come back. He knew when he wasn't wanted.
He left a final message to all the people of Springfield, "Goodbye Springfield. I am sorry I messed up. I never meant to lose the Isotope game for you. You all make it like it's the end of the world or something. Now you all hate me and wish I were dead. Well, I won't be a burden to you or troubling you anymore. I will be in another town where nobody will hate me for screwing up a Little League Game. Goodbye forever, Bart Simpson..."
The Simpsons trying to find Bart because it was dinner and he hadn’t came down found the note.
They cried and sobbed.
“Oh no! Poor Bart! He felt so hated he left!” said Lisa crying.
"My twin brother is gone?!" Hugo gasped in horror.
“This is the final straw! My poor baby!” said Marge.
“Well I’ve got to go to Crazytown to sell mattresses for Mr Cosington.” said Homer.
Homer drives to Crazytown.
Happy Together by the Turtles played as Homer drove through a crazy insane place where it rained pretzels and a guy from Lisa’s laughing has induced dreams when she had her braces installed. Ay big pair of cowboy boots with another pair upside down in rotational symmetry on top was back flipping constantly and their were weird flowers with eyes etc.
“Aaaaaaagh! This place is nuts! Make it stop! Make it stop!” He screamed.
Meanwhile Marge has the radio on for signs of Bart.
However KBBL radio were being nasty about Bart.
“Bart sucks! Bart sucks! Baby Bart sucks! Bart sucks baby pleeeeeease!” To the tube of B52’s Loveshack.
“Ooooooh! They ruined my favorite song!” Marge yelled.
Then there was a crazed laughter like a maniac laughing.
“It’s time to get dementeeeeeed! With Dr Demento!” said Bart’s arch nemesis Dr Demento laughing maniacally. “Wipe out!” Surfer music then played.
Hugo was on fours like a dog and sniffing for any sign of his twin brother.
"Any luck, Hugo?" Lisa asked.
“No but I smell Amanita Phalloids.” said Hugo. He looked up and a couple of meters away sprouting among fall leaves were some death cap mushrooms.
“Death caps. Yes Professor... but we’re looking for our brother Bart...” Lisa sighed.
Meanwhile Bart hadn’t left town yet but gone into hiding. He was in his black ninja outfit abseiling up and down the chimneys of the Nuclear Power Plant as he graffitied in black paint; “Bart Simpson sucks!” And “i Hate Bart simpson.” And “Go die Bart!”
Bart cried and sniffled as he wrote hateful messages to himself.
Meanwhile in Crazytown, Homer was selling mattresses. “Let me tell you of a land where it rains beer and hails pretzels and you can play swim up blackjack with Abraham Lincoln!” said Homer.
“Homer what has that got to do with mat-“ Mr Cosington asked as the crazy surreal people or creatures of Crazytown looked bored.
“It’s the land of sleep!” said Homer. “And this mattress is your passport!”
The surreal creatures cheered and eagerly bought mattresses.
Homer smiled confidently at Mr Cosington who shook his hand delighted.
Tourniquet by Evanescence played in the background as Bart continued to spray paint hateful messages to himself and slash his wrists. He spray-painted a farewell message on the walls of the Springfield Gorge.
He climbed to the water tower and attempted to kill the pain, but only brought more. He was dying... praying...bleeding...and screaming silently inside. Was he to lost to be saved?
"My God, My Tourniquet...return to me Salvation...do you remember me...lost for so long...will you be on the other side or will you forget me?" Bart prayed to God as he was dying. His wounds cried for the grave, yet his soul cried for deliverance.
Would he be denied Christ?
Meanwhile I take lines out of context for laughs and to add surrealness to the episode.
Homer in canon had suggested to Lovejoy and his wife a new mattress to help them with their love life.
But their um complaint...
“It’s about our mattress.” said Helen.
“What’s wrong with it?!” Homer asked astonished a customer didn’t like one of Mr Cosington’s mattresses.
“We tried raising Cain, we weren’t able.” said Helen, I don’t know if that’s a euphemism for getting aroused or the Lovejoys were literally performing necromancy to bring back Cain, the first ever murderer.
Homer was horrified.
“What the hell?! You’re the reverend and his wife! You shouldn’t be doing that?!” Homer gasped.
“Doing what?” Tim asked.
“Raising the dead!” said Homer.
A record needle scratch
“Um Homer I think my wife meant have acts of wanton carnality and passion in the bedroom...” said Tim.
“Oh you mean sex.” said Homer.
“Don’t say that!” Tim Lovejoy scolded him.
“Say what? Sex?” Homer asked.
“Yes that! Don’t say that!” Lovejoy said sharply.
Suddenly Oscar in his pajamas with a hot water bottle on his head and a thermometer in his mouth still rather poorly appeared.
“Look, (snorting and sucking up mucus) I really need to get back to my sick bed but... I think it far more amusing if the vicar and his wife were literally raising a long dead murderer from the grave! That would be cool!” said Oscar snorting and sucking up mucus that was running from his nose.
“But how does a mattress fit in with that you nut?!” Homer asked.
“I dunno. I just think that it’s funny that Lovejoy would try to raise the dead.” said Oscar. He snorted and sharply inhaled as he wiped his snotty nose and then left. “Oh and Reverend. A pentagram and a book on raising the dead helps...”
Ned was astonished to find anti Bart graffiti on his house. “A little water and sponge will clear up this mess.” Ned tries to use a sponge and soapy water on the message “Bart Sucks!” Daubed on his house.
“It’s oil based! Oh fiddle sticks! Boys! Get me my paint thinner!” said Ned to his sons.
“But Daddy that’s in the stay away closet!” said Rod. “We’re not allowed in there!”
“Just this once I’m asking you to go in there and get me my thinner Rod!” said Ned. “There’s a good boy.”
Marge was looking over at all the hateful messages spray painted everywhere.
“Who would do such a horrible thing to Bart?” Marge asked.
“Someone who hates Bart more than anyone else.” said Lisa.
Somewhere in England.
Sideshow Bob is laughing maniacally while plotting once again to kill Bart Simpson.
“Oh yes Bart! We will be seeing each other again, very soon! Gahahahaha!”
Gino laughed evilly as the Terwilligers were sight seeing/Touring across England.
“Look!” said Lisa as Bart was on the water tower about to end it all.
“That is really something.” said Marge.
Lisa frowned bemused. “Mom put on your glasses...”
“But they make me look so dowdy!” said Marge. She put on cartoonish thick rimmed Harry Potter/Where’s Waldo glasses. Hugo laughed at her.
Marge gasped when she saw Bart about to jump.
“Goodbye, cruel world. I know I’ve failed you! Even I hate me! So goodbye!” said Bart.
“Nooooooo!” The Simpsons cry as he throws himself to his death.
However a blur caught him. That blur was Oscar. Oscar snorted from his cold.
“Oz? You saved me?! But why?” Bart asked.
“That’s what friends are for! You’d do the same for me.” said Oscar.
“Um... sure...” said Bart.
In a dream cloud Bart rested in his dad’s hammock drinking a Buzz cola while Oscar is screaming for help trapped in a burning house.
There was booing and jeering from the evil townsfolk. Basically everyone except the Simpsons and the Flanders. Basically everyone who became evil and nasty towards Bart has red eyes.
“Bart sucks! Bart sucks! Bart sucks!”
“Bart needs some peace and quiet and a lie down.” said Oscar to Marge but being drowned out by the angry crowd.
“Bart sucks! Bart sucks! Bart sucks!”
"Shut up!!!!" Hugo shouted. "Leave my twin brother alone!!!“
”Booooooo!” The evil people booed.
“Enough! Shame on you! Shane on you all!” Marge snapped. “Picking on a poor little boy and driving him to Suicide over a sports boo boo! Haven’t you lot ever made a mistake in your lives?!”
“Yeah, our one mistake was not finishing the loser off when he was born blue and breech birthed.” said Dr Hibbert.
“I thought I was born attached to my twin Hugo.” said Bart.
“There is a lot of contradictions surrounding your birth Bart...” said Lisa.
The angry mob yelled and chanted horrible things to break Bart mentally.
“Bart’s a fat ass loser!”
“Die Bart! Die!”
“Enough!” screamed Oscar in a voice of legion.
“Oz?” Bart asked as Oscar with glowing red eyes was floating.
“You all ought to be ashamed! Bullying and tormenting Bart! Leave Bart alone and stop picking on him!!”
“No. What are you gonna do? We’ll have to go through you if you’re gonna defend that loser!” said Krusty.
“I swear if you bastards don’t stop. I will kill all of you!” Angry Oscar giving off huge amounts of energy and heat from his tremendous powers and his immense anger that simply made him more dangerous, the angrier he got.
“No Oscar! Don’t!” Lisa cried.
Hugo hissed angrily at the murderous mob. "How dare you treat my twin brother so shamefully!!!"
The Simpsons angrily scolded the crowd but they just argued back.
”What are we supposed to do?! Replay the game just to spare that brat’s feelings so he can make the catch and feel good about himself?!” said Krusty.
”No. But how about just letting it go that you lost at a little league baseball game, big deal,,, are you fools that sad you’ll harass a little boy over a little league game?!” said Oscar floating in midair.
”How about you put a sock in it!” Willie yelled.
”Keep provoking me. I just get stronger the madder I get!” Oscar yelled.
”No don’t! Oz please! There must be another way!” Lisa cried.
”Go to hell brat!” Sea captain yelled.
”Shut the hell up! My poor little boy wants to kill himself because of you assholes!” Homer snapped.
The situation got more and more dire as Oscar’s anger grew.
Everyone on the side of the Simpsons suddenly started singing Bridge over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel. The power of the song calmed everyone down, including Oscar.
“When you're weary
When tears are in your eyes
I'll dry them all
I'm on your side
Oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me doooooowwwn!”
The power of love and good music made everyone nice again.
“I will ease your miiiiiiiiiiiind!” The song caused an almighty mind crush that purged Oscar’s righteous, vengeful anger, destroyed the evil in everyone’s hearts that was born that day and purged Bart’s suicidal thoughts.
Then they set aside their differences and vowed never to argue like this again.
Everyone hugged and apologised to the Simpsons, especially Bart. Bart felt better but tired and needed some rest.
However there was no time to rest as the Lovejoy’s biblical love making necromancy brought back from his grave, Cain, the first ever murderer!
”Isn’t he cursed with immortality to walk the Earth alone anyway?” Lisa asked.
”Would you want an immortal homicidal maniac walking the Earth?” Oscar replied.
”No!” said Lisa.
”Then pipe down! Now we’re reunited we need to work together to fight Cain!” said Oscar.
Cain, the first ever murderer laughed evilly with half his face horribly melted and rotten. He only felt an urge to kill. Also he has a horn on his head!
”Go back to the land of Nod!” Oscar snarled.
”What? I can’t very well yell at him to go to Hell, he’s from the land of Nod... read the bible...” said Oscar.
Cain laughed. “I will kill! Fear the wrath of my bloodline!”
”No! It is I who will kill you if you don’t go away!” Oscar yelled.
”No Oz! If you you kill him God will smite you with seven times the punishment he punished Cain with!” said Rod.
”Basically Cain’s Great Great Great Grandson accidentally killed him so Fate caused his wives to refuse him sex so he died with no heirs.” Lisa explained.
”Hate! Anger! Envy! See the hearts true virtues, sustain me!” Cain yelled.
”That’s it! The power of love and song!” said Oscar getting out his guitar.
Bart sweat dropped.
Wet Wet Wet suddenly sang.
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
Love that's all around me
And so the feeling grows
It's written on the wind
It's everywhere I go, oh yes it is
So if you really love me
Come on and let it show, oh
You know I love you, I always will
My mind's made up by the way that I feel
Bart smiled tearfully at Oscar as he sang to him to cheer him up and let him know he was loved.
There's no beginning, there'll be no end
'Cause on my love you can depend....
You know I love you, I always will
My mind’s made up by the way that I feel!
There’s no beginning, there’ll be no eeeeeend!
”Noooooo! It burns!” Cain screamed.
”Keep singing!” said Oscar.
You know I love you, I always will
My mind’s made up by the way that I feel!
There’s no beginning, there’ll be no eeeeeend!
Cain ignited into flames and burnt up screaming as he went back to Hell or the Land of Nod.
”We did it! We defeated Caim the first ever murderer!” Oscar cheered.
Oscar felt woozy and collapsed.
”Oscar!” Lisa cried.
”I’m still a bit giddy from my cold. Damn, should have listened to Jurkle...” said Oscar breathing heavily.
”We better get you to bed then. Or back to Jurkle’s.” said Lisa.
”Hold on. I want to make sure Bart’s okay.” said Oscar.
”I’m much better now Oz. Thanks pal.” said Bart.
Oscar smiled a weak smile because he was exhausted from over exerting himself while sick.
”And I never want to witness a hate campaign against my friends the Simpsons ever again! Do I make myself clear?” Oscar scolded everyone.
”Yes Oscar...” everyone sighed.
”Come on Oz...” Lisa helped get Oscar back to Jurkle’s house.
Meanwhile Bart went back to playing baseball and everyone made up with him and lived happily ever after while a montage of happy scenes and him winning a baseball game played out alongside the song A little bit of love by Tom Grennan.
I've been holding onto pieces, swimming in the deep end
Tryna find my way back to you
'Cause I'm needing a little bit of love
A little bit of love, I need a little love
Just like the air I'm breathing
These awful wounds ain't healing
Tryna find my way back to you
'Cause I'm needing a little bit of love
A little bit of love, a little bit of love
A little bit of love.