Insane Clown Poppy Krusty meets his daughter and the Simpsons go to a book fair on Lisa's birthday are Homer blows up her room with fireworks.
Homer and Bart one Tuesday afternoon were in the garden attaching fireworks to a watermelon.
"Goodbye watermelon!" said Homer lightning the fireworks. They hid and the watermelon exploded all over the house.
"Wooooo! I love our Tuesdays together!" said Bart.
Marge came to the window with watermelon in her hair. "Hmmmmm! I asked you to do your chores!" said Marge annoyed at them for making a mess.
"Hey we just saved your garden from a vicious watermelon..." said Homer.
"He's got a point Mrs Simpson. Did you know vampire watermelons are a thing?" said Ace.
"Don't be stupid Ace! There's no such things as vampire watermelons!" Bart replied.
"There is too! It's an old Romanian legend! And I should know because I'm Romanian!" said Ace. "They're caused by watermelons being bitten by vegetarian vampires..." Ace explains sheepishly.
Bart doesn't believe him.
Then Homer and Bart saw to their chores. First up was dislodging a stuck draw in the lightstand of the front lounge.
"This is impossible..." said Homer.
"No it ain't!" said Bart passing a firework to him.
"What? It's impossible!" said Homer.
"And I said no it ain't!" said Bart.
Homer eventually got the message. He stuck loads of fireworks in the draw.
"Homer what are you doing?!" Marge gasped.
"Look, do you want it done right or fast?" said Homer.
"Well like most Americans Fast!" said Marge.
"Woohoo!" Homer lit the fireworks and they exploded sending the draw flying out of its slot. Marge put it back and found it was no longer getting stuck.
"Wow! I guess that worked!" said Marge.
Next Homer and Bart had to demolish Santa's Little Helper's dog house.
"Uh Dad, didn't that take you weeks to build and then you gave up when Mom brought a new fresh one?" Bart asked.
"A Badger got in there." said Homer. The dog house growled.
Homer taped fireworks to it and it blew up violently taking the Badger with it.
Santa's Little Helper was sad.
"Don't worry boy. We'll build you a new one! Here's the blueprints!" Bart showed his dog the blueprints to his new dog house.
Santa's Little Helper went to sleep under them.
Finally Homer and Bart were in Lisa's room. She had a tape stuck in her tape player. Homer stuffs it with fireworks and blows it up breaking the windows and causing a mess.
"Dad! What have you done to my room?!" Lisa yelled.
"Lisa there's a time in a daddy's life where he blows up his daughter's room." said Homer.
"You didn't blow up Maggie's room!" said Lisa. There was a massive explosion.
"Look you ruined my stuff! My panda teddy! My bongo drums! No! My painting of Yendor and the curious bear cub!" Lisa cried.
"Look think of something you really want to do. Like it's your birthday." said Homer.
"It is my birthday!" Lisa yelled.
"Really?! Again already?" Oscar asked.
"Yes!" Lisa replied. "Don't you have a birthday cake for me?! Ugh, don't tell me you forgot my birthday again!!!"
"I wonder what happened last time." said Homer.
"Dad you got sent to a mental hospital because Bart's hat turned your work shirts pink and met a guy who thought he was Michael Jackson..." said Lisa.
"Okay whatever you want we'll do sweetie." said Homer.
They went to a book fair...
"D'oh!" Homer groaned.
Milhouse was selling medieval poetry. However a crowd descended upon him and tore him apart to get the cheap poetry. He was lying with torn up clothes groaning about their hands being everywhere.
Then Marge went past several stalls. She met Stephen King.
"Oh! Mr King? What kind of tale of horror and macabre are you writing now?" said Marge.
"Uh I'm not doing any horror stories right now." said Stephen King.
Marge sounded disappointed.
"Instead I'm doing a biography of Benjamin Franklin. Did you know he discovered electricity by torturing rats and summoning unholy monsters? And the key on his kite unlocks the gates of hell?!" Stephen King ranted as a lightning storm brewed. Lightning struck for dramatic effect.
"Um.... I'll wait until you're back to writing horror stories..." said Marge before leaving in a hurry. Stephen King wrote a post it note reminding himself to let Marge know when he was back to writing horror.
Reverend Lovejoy was selling delicious cakes. Marge tried one and liked it.
"If you liked it than try my chocolate orgasm eclairs. Helen decided on the name not me..." said Lovejoy.
Homer ate one but squirted chocolate all over a man's fine white suit.
"Oh dear! You know to be careful of men in fine white suits Homie! Especially after last time!" said Marge.
Then Frink was showing off another of his crazy inventions and Dr Nick had a new diet book but was too nervous to admit it wasn't for losing weight but for massively gaining weight.
"Oh Look Maggie! Christopher Walken is reading Goodnight Moon!" said Marge.
Christopher Walken was indeed doing just that.
"Goodnight moon? Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon." Christopher Walken read the book. The children were scared of him and scooched away from him.
"Children scooch closer please. Don't let me tell you again about the scooching!" he said harshly. "You in the red chop chop!"he leered at them creepily.
Bart was looking at the "For Dummies" guide books.
"Accounting for dummies. For dummies for dummies... Moby Dick for dummies?!" Bart read the book. "Call me Ishmael, Dummy!"
Bart asked the author who happened to be nearby how he writes them.
"Daaaaah I don't know... Me go over there to put money in bank..." said the author. He walked off.
Bart then came upon a reading seminar in a tent with a sign that said "Panel discussion: the future of reading." In capitals.
Bart changed it to say "Panal discussion: the future of Breading." with his marker pen and laughed. "Meh." He decided it wasn't that funny.
Oscar took his marker pen and changed the sign to say "Penal discussion: the future of Breeding."
They both laughed hysterically.
Then everything that happened in there was boring. Lenny tricked Maya Angelo into saying Star Wars quotes and Lisa embarrassed herself in front of an author by getting her book's meaning wrong.
Homer was annoyed with the author of To kill a mockingbird because their book didn't offer any advice on how to kill mockingbirds.
"Now it did teach me about racism! But not about killing mockingbirds!" Homer ranted.
The author face palmed.
Bart and Oscar went in line to get their books sighed by Krusty. Bart was talking to a green haired girl.
"Wow! You know so much about Krusty!" said the green haired girl who will be becoming very important in this story.
"Why I'm his biggest fan!" said Bart.
"Next please!" said Krusty. "I haven't got all day..."
Bart got his book signed.
"Hi! It's me!" said Bart.
Krusty didn't recognise him.
"I'm Bart Simpson! You're biggest fan!" said Bart.
Krusty was still confused.
"Ugh! I saved you from jail when you were framed by Sideshow Bob. I reunited you with your estranged father. I saved your career. I got you a danish. I worked for you once. I saved your career again..." Bart ranted.
"Oh... That Bart... hehehe! I suppose you want my autograph! Here you go!" He gave Bart his autograph.
"KC?" Bart asked.
"This pen has to last me all day! Next!" Krusty called for the next kid. They were the green haired girl.
"And what is your name little girl?" asked Krusty.
"Sophie." said the green haired girl.
"Sophie. That's a nice name." said Krusty.
"I'm your daughter!" said Sophie.
"Whaaaaaaat?!" Krusty dropped his pen in shock.
"And I've finally found you Dad!" said Sophie hugging him. Krusty made the funniest face.
"Ohhh...." Krusty sighed. "I think I seltzered myself."
Some guy laughed.
"Hey shaddup!" Krusty yelled.
Krusty then had to explain to Sophie. "Look a lot of kids think of me as their daddy. Here have a keychain." said Krusty.
"No you really are my dad. You met my mom in the gulf war!" said Sophie.
Krusty groaned. "Was she Israeli?"
"No." said Sophie.
"No." said Sophie.
"Then what?" said Krusty.
"She was a soldier. Short brown hair..." Sophie described her mom.
"Oh dear... now I remember...." Krusty had a flashback of the Gulf War. "I was doing stand up comedy to boost morale when there was a sandstorm. I sort shelter in a tent where I saw the most beautiful mirage... your mother."
Krusty then said in certain ways that he could to a kid that they made love. Yeeeech! Then Sophie's mother had to go on her mission to assassinate Saddam Hussain.
"But he's half my act!" Young Krusty protested.
He then Stupidly foiled the soldier's assassination attempt on Saddam. And started rambling about his act.
"You stupid clown!" the lady soldier strangled Krusty.
"And when I cane to she was gone..." said Krusty. "But how did you know it was me?!"
"Mom said my dad was just some pathetic clown, so I googled pathetic clown and you came up!" said Sophie.
Krusty groaned and buried his head in his hands.
Then a car pulled up and honked its horn.
"That's mom! I have to go!" said Sophie.
"Oh hiya toots! Remember me?" Krusty asked Sophie's mom. His former one night stand.
She glared angrily at him.
Krusty chuckled sheepishly.
"I know she looks mad but I want to get to know you Dad!" said Sophie.
"Look I'm not good father material. I swear, I drink, ugh, I get mothers claiming I'm the father of their kids! So watch out you've got lots of brothers and sister to share me with kiddo... and I- What's up with your face?"
Sophie was crying.
"Okay! You can spend one day at the beach with me!" said Krusty. Sophie cheered up. "But it has to be with an assistant." Sophie looked sad. "Okay! I'll take you myself!"
"Yaaaaay!" said Sophie.
Sophie's mom was getting impatient. And bibbing the horn. "Get in the car Sophie!"
"See you soon Dad!" said Sophie.
The Simpsons were having dinner and praying.
"Dear God... Did you hear about what happened to Krusty! Talk about a bombshell!" Homer chuckled while gossiping to God."
"Homer that's not praying! That's gossip!" Marge told him off for gossiping.
"Okay I'll talk about something heavenly... So dear Maude, is she putting out? Oooooh! With all those men!?" Homer said to God.
The Simpsons were horrified with him talking about Maude like that.
Then Krusty was at the beach with his daughter Sophie. No I don't know how her mom agreed to that. Maybe she thought it was a good idea to get paternity money from him since if he wants to see his kid he has to pay for them! Kaching!
However Krusty wanted to sunbathe.
"How about I just throw the frisbee at you and you catch it." said Sophie.
"You know for a clown you're not very fun..." said Sophie.
"Okay I'll play frisbee..." said Krusty. "Ugh. Fatherhood! How do they do it?" Krusty groaned.
Apu's supposed be in this scene with his octopulets but I haven't written that yet in my canon. So we go onto the Flanders making a sand cathedral.
"Whoa Rod, those steeples are looking a little Roman!" said Ned.
"Oh how should I punish myself Dad?" said Rod.
Kerne junior was holding a stick and crawling.
"No wait for them to finish then kick it down!" said Kerne.
Homer was at the beach with his kids.
"Ah there's my mentor..." said Krusty.
Homer and his kids decided to play Frisbee with Sophie and Krusty.
Homer then went for walk with Krusty while giving advice to be a father.
"Daaaaad!" Lisa yelled.
"I heard you honey. That's some nice diving!" said Homer.
"Daaaaaad!" Lisa cried as manta ray was circling her like a hungry shark.
Meanwhile Bart, Hugo and Oscar were hanging out without Sophie.
"So Krusty's your dad..." said Bart.
"Yes like for the eighteenth time I've told you." said Sophie.
"Must get teased at school." said Bart.
"I'm home schooled." said Sophie.
"I think it's cool! Having a clown for a dad!" said Oscar.
"You're just saying that because you spent the weekend being babysat by your magic jack in a box creature Clownja." said Bart. "That's Oscar. He is obsessed with clowns..."
"Yeah and I loved it!" said Oscar.
"Well I didn't think it was that funny you magically turning me into a clown every few minutes!" said Bart.
Sophie wondered what on Earth they were talking about.
Soon it was time for Sophie to go home. She was with Krusty outside her mom's apartment room.
"Can Dad come in for milk and cookies?" said Sophie.
Krusty looked in the flat and got a shock. The walls were decorated with paintings of dead clowns and models of dead clowns being killed violently.
"What's wrong Dad?" Sophie asked.
"Oh nothing. I'm just admiring this lovely room of Death!" said Krusty. He reluctantly stayed over.
Then there's a plot line involving that Sophie plays the violin. That Krusty has a serious gambling problem with the mob... yadda yadda...
Let's have the Simpsons hang out with Krusty and Sophie again!
Sophie was playing her violin. Lisa was jealous somehow. She doesn't enjoy competition from other musically gifted children...
"Lisa turn that frown upside down! You can't be expected to be the only gifted musician in town. Besides I thought you wanted to meet other musical kids." said Bart.
"I have plenty of friends in music class... And I always get jealous around them, it's just my nature." said Lisa.
Oscar was on the phone. "No Matt, Lisa can't have a violin in the title gag. No because her instrument is a saxophone! No! You can't ignore continuity over the brown house when it suits you! That's Ruth's house! No! I don't care that you need it empty for a sideshow Bob episode! You're a stupid writer!" Oscar slammed the phone down rudely.
Bart grimaced. "I'm not gonna ask..."
Then Sophie's mom had something that horrified Krusty. The paternity payment papers! She was expecting money from him to look after Sophie.
"Dad! Are you alright?" Sophie asked when he finally came round.
"Oh I thought for a second that was the paternity papers asking me to pay for you..." said Krusty.
"They are." said Sophie's mom. "You want to be in your daughter's life, you owe me years of money for her health and education! Especially since you got me kicked out of the army you stupid clown!"
"Oy vey...." said Krusty.
"And Sophie's Bat Mitzvah. As much I don't like clowns, I'd still be honoured to meet your family Krusty." said Sophie's mom.
"Ugh.... Okay but my dad isn't great company..." said Krusty.
At Sophie's mom's anti clown apartment they invited the Simpsons and Rabbi Krustovski round.
"Now I'm pleased to see my granddaughter like any grandfather but (Whispers to Krusty) did you have to knock up a gentile!?" said Rabbi Mrustovski.
"You know what my favorite film is? Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the lost ark." said Oscar.
"Why Oscar..." Bart wondered why he brought that up.
"Because Jewish God is awesome when he gets mad and melts people's faces off like aaaaaaaaeeeeeeeghhhhkkkkk! (Makes demented dying sounds across the table)"
"Oscar Jews and Christians worship the same God.... it's just that in the Old Testament he was rather-" Lisa explained.
"Gnarly?" Oscar replied.
"No not gnarly!" Lisa sighed.
"And he was like smiting mortals with lightning and fire! And face melting!!" Oscar was flicking food everywhere.
"Oscar stop flicking food or you're wearing a bib..." said Bart.
The next day they went to the book fair again. Um it was a week thing...
"It's been over a week!" said Bart.
Oscar was sitting listening to Christopher Walken reading. He put his hand up to speak.
"Yes what is it..." Christopher Walken sighed.
"It needs more Cowbell," said Oscar.
He got chased out of the reading area by an angry Christopher Walken. "I warned you about constantly making that reference you little turd!" Christopher Walken screamed.
"Aaaaaagh! Max Zorin is trying to kill me! Save me James Bond!" Oscar yelled.
Bart face palmed.
Once Oscar escaped Christopher Walken he found in the tent at the book fair Orson Welles reading War of the Worlds.
“And then the Martians fired their heat rays at the humans! Oh god! The heat rays!” said Orson Welles.
“Nahahahaha! Narf!” Pinky the cartoon mouse from Pinky and the brain giggled. “I once dreamt of a giant noodle with the face of Alex Trebek! Hahahahaha!”
“Quiet you fool!” Orson Welles told him off.
Oscar was quiet disturbed by the image of a giant noodle with the face of Alex Trebek.
“I’m going home to watch cartoons in a diaper.” said Oscar.
He was watching Brainy the Pooh and Pinklet. A Pinky and the Brain sketch based on Winnie the Pooh.
The Jagger appeared. A spotted jaguar like creature with a big red shiny clown nose. It was making references to the fact it was Mick Jagger and was getting old but was still very athletic on stage.
“And the greatest thing is that I can prance about the stage like a cat half my age! My lips my be full of collagen! But I- What rhymes with collagen?” said the Jagger.
Oscar was transfixed by the clown nosed creature’s big red shiny nose. He wet himself.
Then Krusty owed Fat Tony money again.
“Oh great... if it’s not you owing Fat Tony money, it’s me... And if it’s not me owing him money it’s me earning his wrath by forming a posse of vigilantes slash police force!” Homer whined as the mob lead by Fat Tony arrived holding guns in a menacing manner.
“We have to do something Homer!” said Krusty. Then he saw Sophie’s violin. An extremely rare Stradivarius. “Hello!”
Homer screamed when he learned Krusty would fence his own daughter’s violin to the mob just to settle a debt. “You monster! You’d sell your own daughter’s beloved musical instrument!? That’s like me selling Lisa’s saxophone!” Homer yelled.
“Well you come up with something Einstein!” Krusty yelled.
“I know! We’ll ride on a tiny bike for their amusement!’ said Homer.
“No we’re not doing that again...” said Krusty,