Hugo's First Day It's Hugo's first day of school! Of course chaos insues. Then the family struggles to live with Hugo as he acts out and attacks Bart and bites Oscar.
Chalkboard gag is: "I will not curse in class."
Cough gag: The family is in the soapbox derby race.
One school morning, all the Simpsons kids are getting up and ready for school.
"Hugo! Put your shoes and socks on!" Marge yells. Hugo Simpson II threw the shoes and ran around yelling. "(Sigh) Was this a really good idea, Oscar..."
"He's got to get an education like any other kid." Oscar explained. Eventually they got Hugo to wear his shoes. They were blue trainers like Bart's.
"I remember Bart's first day at school..." Marge sighs. She has a flashback.
Five year old Bart is ready to get the school bus on his first day of school. He has his spikes neatly combed down and his holding his lunch box.
"Omg! He's so cute! I want to eat him!" Oscar cooes.
"Hrrrm... I don't think you should be finding him cute..." came Marge's voice.
At school Willie yelled at Bart but Bart couldn’t understand his Scottish accent. Bart immediately made friends with Milhouse by making a fart noise by blowing into his hands over his mouth, causing Milhouse to squirt milk up his own nose from trying to laugh while drinking his milk carton. Then he performed for the other kids and kindergarten Jimbo liked him.
The flashback ended.
"Well, since Hugo is behind Bart by five years, he'll have to catch up, that means Hugo, you'll have to pass off as kindergartener." Oscar explained. He age regressed Hugo until he was five.
"What if kids start asking questions..." Bart groans.
The school bus arrived and everyone got on. However Hugo instead of walking like everyone else, ran about on all fours like a dog. Some of the kids smirked at the feral kid scuttling about sniffing everyone.
"Hugo! Sit down!" Bart got Hugo to sit down.
"I didn't know you had a brother!" Milhouse asked.
"Neither did I till last Halloween..." Bart replied.
They soon arrived at school. Bart went to Mrs Krabappel's class. Hugo went to kindergarten. However Hugo soon got himself into trouble for biting another kid.
"Simpson!! Please don't tell me I have another Bart to deal with! One is more than enough!" Principal Skinner ranted as he paced about his office. Hugo was sat down in the student chair sniffing himself and scratching. "Sit up straight and stop scratching yourself you unhygienic child!"
Hugo continued to misbehave. He jumped about the tables in the cafeteria at lunch time like a wild animal.
At recess he gets unwanted remarks from people unnerved or making fun of him.
"Haw Haw! you're a freak!" Nelson laughed at Hugo. Bart dudn't react and defend Hugo but Nelson did hit a raw nerve with Oscar.
"How dare you! what was that you called him?! come on, spit it iut!" Oscar yelled.
”I said, Haw haw! You’re a freak... what’s it to you?” Nelson replied.
Oscar’s eyes turned red and his hair spiked up. “Don’t ever, ever let me hear you call him a freak again! He is not a freak!” Oscar screamed. “You wouldn’t care or understand! He’s been neglected and mistreated his whole life and it’s broken him mentally!”
”He’s mental alright! Ha!” said Nelson.
”Shut up!” Oscar snapped.
Hugo was scratching himself like a dog with fleas.
Recess soon ended.
”Bart why the flip did you not stand up for your twin brother?!” Oscar ranted.
”Because Oz... I don’t like him! He scares me!” said Bart.
”You are just like your dad!” Oscar ranted.
After school Hugo is made to do lines, however he just scrbbled on the board so he was made to sit in the corner until Bart and Lisa came to pick him up.
"Simpsons." Skinner addressed all three of them. They stood to attention. "I hope I don't have a repeat of Hugo's behaviour tomorrow or I'll have to expel him!"
Lisa told the news that Hugo bit someone in class.
Marge gasped in horror.
"So how do you punish your kids for biting?" Oscar asked.
"I have no idea, none of my kids have ever bit anyone!" Marge replied.
"Soap in the mouth?" Bart suggested.
"That's for swearing isn't it?" Oscar asked.
"Can be for both, I don't see why not." Marge replied. She glared at Hugo. "Hugo Simpson! Over here now!" She took him upstairs into the bathroom and stuffed a bar of soap in his mouth and laid him across her lap and spanked him. Hugo flinched and made a muffled cry as he was being spanked.
"You know if Mom spanked you years ago instead of letting Dad strangle you, you'd probably had behaved..." Lisa remarked.
"How'd you work that out, Einstein...?" Bart remarked with a sarcastic question.
"It's simple, Homer's strangling is abuse not a punishment. That's why you don't respect him because it's his go to for whenever he's angry. Where as if Marge spanked you, you'd probably know why you were and hopefully you wouldn't do whatever it was that got you spanked in the first place." Oscar replied.
"Why not?" Bart asked.
"Cos spanking hurts! (He smacks Bart) like so!"
"Ow! Gee that really hurts! I wouldn't like Mom to do that when she's mad at me." Bart rubbed himself where Oscar had smacked him.
Eventually Hugo walked passed glaring as he rubbed his sore behind.
At bed time. Oscar over years a cruel conversation from Homer.
”Why do you insist on leaving the house boy? School will do you no good. You’ll never amount to anything. Who would hire a freak?!”
Oscar growled and got angry...
”Why reach out to a world that treats you like an outcast? The outside world is dark and cruel...” said Homer.
Homer’s mocking advice reminded Oscar of his own dad’s cruel advice mocking his autism, that the world would not accept him for his abnormal behaviour and actions. It stung him emotionally pretty hard because those words were so familiar to him.
”You are not like them. You never will be. They’ll never accept you. Just accept it!”
Oscar growled and went storming off to the spare room flower box.
Eventually Hugo calms down at school as he doesn't want a spanking from his mom. He still eats his napkin and runs around on all fours like a dog though.
At recess Hugo only hung around with the weird kids because no one wanted to be near him. He was sitting near the kid who eats worms and the kid who wears diapers.
The kid who eats worms offered him some live worms.
"Uh no thanks. I just ate." Hugo lied.
Recess soon ended and everyone headed back to class except diaper kid who made a pit stop at the nurses office to get his diaper changed.
Homer for once got to the donuts before Lenny and Carl did and decided to greedily scoff them.
"Homer slow down!" Carl warned him.
"Yeah save us some!" Lenny whined.
"Hey, don't tell me how to eat!" Homer spoke with a mouthful until he suddenly started choking.
"Oh god! Lenny give him the heimlich!" Carl gasped. They helped Homer bring up the chewed up donuts that were choking him. He could breath again.
"Phew! Thanks guys... I don't know what I'd do without you..." Homer said while breathing heavily.
"Just slow down when eating in future." Carl explained
At School for lunch Lunch lady Doris was cutting the heads off of fish for one of the dishes. Oscar and Hugo sneaked in to collect the discarded heads for Hugo's lunch.
"Ugh! Hugo! Mom made you lunch..." Bart groaned.
Hugo tried his sandwich. He surprisingly liked it. "Whoooa! What have I been missing!" He greedily ate his lunch.
"Well that's what happens when your parents lock you away and only feed you fish heads for most of your life." Oscar explained.
"Yeah we get it! My parents are monsters..." Bart sighed.
"Actually there's something you guys should know... especially you Oscar." Hugo explained.
"Go on..." Oscar listened.
"Locking me away was all Dad's idea and Dr Hibbert's. Mom would visit me every time before bed and tell me how she hated what Dad was forcing her to do. She was even planning to spring me so I could live a normal life." Hugo explained.
"How did Homer make Marge do anything?! You're mom can be the bossy one sometimes." Oscar retorted.
"Actually you may not have noticed but much earlier on in our history back when we were crudely drawn characters on the Tracy Ullman show Homer was quiet the ruler of the family. Even upto that picnic at Mr Burns's Dad was being forceful to everyone! Didn't you notice?!" Bart replied.
"Oh yeah, I call those the Homer being a tyrannical asshole years." Oscar explained. Bart winced at him cursing. "Now we're in Homer being a drunken buffoon years. I'm not sure what's worse, his overbearing strict parenting or his half assed under parenting..."
At home one day Homer was mad at the bills.
"Look at this medical bill now we have to look after mutant Bart property! This is why I barely wanted three kids!" Homer yelled.
"Homer! His name is Hugo! And he's our son whether you like it or not!" Marge yelled back. "Geez you're starting to become uptight and aggressive again like you used to be!"
"Whenever have I been aggressive to anyone except the boy?" Homer asked in disbelief.
"You kept snapping at me at your boss's picnic!" Marge yelled.
"That's because old man Burns is such an ogre! He'll fire employees even on days out and picnics if he's not happy! That's why I had to be so harsh that day! I didn't want to get fired!" Homer explained.
"And that night you woke everyone up for a nuclear fallout shelter drill and scared the living daylights out of us all?!" Marge yelled.
"Fine! I won't wake you up when it's World War III then! See if I care!" Homer retorted.
"Dad the chances of it being World War III or a nuclear war with Russia is nearly zero. Things have changed a lot now the UN has formed." Lisa explained.
"Look I was mad because I had a sore throat a lot of the time. Now I feel much happier! Like a blue genie!" Homer replied.
Marge and Lisa hmmmmmmed.
One afternoon Bart was at the park with Hugo and Oscar. He was skateboarding.
"Can I try?" Hugo asked.
"Okay but be careful, that skateboard is like my baby." Bart asked him to be careful with the skateboard.
Hugo tried to skate, but wasn't very good and lost balance and face planted.
"Okay, you're not a skater boy. I'm sort of surprised, I'd figure us being twins we'd share hobbies." said Bart.
"That's not strictly true..." said Aunt Patty. "Selma and I don't always agree on everything..." Patty and Selma went out to the park as well to get fresh air and ruin everyone else's fresh air with their cigarette smoke...
"Yeah identical twins who insist on being completely identical is so creepy..." said Selma smoking.
Sherri and Terri glared at them.
At home Lisa and Homer are watching something when it is interrupted by a news report.
“This is Kent Brockman with a special news report. A tanker of oil has crashed against a rock spilling its oil all over Baby seal beach.” said Kent.
“Oh no!” said Lisa.
“Now these animals are looking for volunteers to help clean them up. May I remind volunteers they are adorable baby animals!” said Kent.
Lisa ran off to the kitchen.
She begged Mom to take her to Baby Seal Beach to help clean up the cute animals.
“Hmmmmmm! Sweetie we don’t need to travel four hundred miles to a beach to clean some animals... You can give the dog a bath! Or trim the cat’s claws!” said Marge.
“But I really want to do this environmentally friendly thing! You can make it my birthday and my Christmas present!” said Lisa.
“We already planted you a peach tree in the garden for your birthday! And you hardly even play with it anymore...” said Marge. There is a peach tree in the back yard with peaches growing in its branches.
“Monkey from Monkey Hero keeps eating all the peaches from it...” said Lisa.
Monkey from Monkey Hero was in the backyard and picked a peach and ate it moaning with pleasure at how they tasted. “Mmmmmmm! So sweet!”
“What if I play with it more? Then can I please, please go!” Lisa begged.
“Well I suppose... but how would you play with a peach tree sapling? It’s far too small to hang a swing from!” said Marge. “Lisa? Lisa?”
Lisa was out in the yard dancing around the tree singing la la la la to prove her point.
“Okay! Okay! Geez!” Marge sighed.
Monkey picked up a blue fruit and threw it at Lisa with a distinctive sound effect as it splattered on her.
Outside the house at the front season eight characters so far gathered. They were, Hank Scorpio, Hugo, Homer as a boxer, Larry Burns, Belle and Kirk Van Houten.
Oscar was trying to get a nice photo but Hugo was playing up. First up he showed Hank his pigeon rat. Hank didn’t seem interested.
“Hugey... I don’t think his interested...” said Oscar. “Now look at the camera... and try not to look so psychotic...”
Hugo then took to poking Hank with his needle from his needle and ball of thread.
“Ow!” Hank yelped.
“Hugey!” Oscar yelled.
Hugo made a face at him.
“One last photo... three times the charm hopefully...” said Oscar.
Hugo’s pigeon rat flew away.
“My pidgey rat! Nooooo!” Hugo whined.
Homer was cosplaying as Judge Frollo from Disney’s Hunchback of Norte Dame.
”How do I look?” Homer asked.
”Like an ass...” Oscar snapped.
”Boy we’ve told you about cursing...” Homer said sharply to Oz.
”Do not call me boy! My name is Oscar! Or Oz!” Oscar snapped. “And I tell you what, I’d rather hang out with a kind, unfortunate hunchback like Quasimodo than a monster like Frollo!”
Oscar went to Notre Dame and insisted in seeing Quasimodo, the bell ringer.
”You’d rather spend all day with a hideously deformed bell ringer... are you insane?!” Frollo remarked.
”No. just kind. But you’ll never know what kindness is...” Oscar replied coldly as he went up to the belfry.
Oscar did not see Quasimodo as some sort of monster. He saw a poor, nervous man who spoke softly and shied away from people because his deformities scared them. Also he is really sweet with Zephyr in the sequel.
Oscar appreciated Quasimodo’s gift for making small figures of the towns people. He also found it amusing that the gargoyles were alive, or Quasimodo had gone mad from isolation and was seeing and hearing things like the gargoyles coming to life to have conversations with him.
Quasi explained the short fat, ugly pig like Gargoyle was called Hugo.
Hugo Simpson scowled.
”I am not a gargoyle! Oz you’re making fun of me now!” Hugo said sharply.
”Okay! Okay! I’m sorry! I won’t find that funny anymore...” said Oscar. “Oink... hehehehe!”
Hugo got his pigeon rat back. Now he could once again plot to capture his twin brother and take him to the attic and perform reattachment surgery.
“Noooooo! Ah help!” Bart cried as Hugo tried to chloroform him. The chemical made him sleepy. Luckily the Simpsons pulled Hugo off of him.
“That’s it! The freak’s going back in the attic!” Homer yelled.
“He’s not a freak! And how dare you!” Oscar snapped. “I am aware Hugo’s in the wrong here! And that he is borderline psychotic! But you’re his parents! Maybe try disciplining him once in a while instead of locking him away like a dangerous animal!”
Hugo growled. But then he winced when Oscar grabbed his ear.
“Now you listen here Hugey! This behaviour is not acceptable! You can’t go around frightening your brother and trying to perform surgery on him! This is bad! You’re a very bad boy!” Oscar scolded him.
But Hugo got free of him and bit Oscar’s arm badly.
“Yeeeeeowch!” Oscar cried.
“Hugo!” Marge snapped. She spanked him hard. That made him cry. He ran off tearfully.
“Oh no!” Marge felt sorry for him.
“Don’t Marge. You did the right thing!” said Oscar. “He’s just bit a chunk from my arm!”
“But I don’t approve of spanking!” said Marge.
“That’s better than strangling him or locking him up in the attic and starving him.” said Oscar. “Now someone get me a doctor!”
“Ahehehehe! Did someone say doctor?” Dr Hibbert chuckled.
“Not you! You monster!” Oscar snapped.
“Oh can it! Don’t you see Hugo is a dangerous lunatic and must be kept locked away?!” Dr Hibbert argued.
“No because only a quack would suggest such an inhumane thing!” Oscar snapped as his arm bled badly. “I want Dr Payne! Get me Dr Payne!”
Dr Hibbert was examining Bart as he tried to wake him.
“What are you doing?” Oscar asked sharply.
“Hold on! This can’t be right!” said Dr Hibbert concerned. “Bart’s scar is on the wrong side! It should be on the right side of his torso!”
“And...?” Bart asked waking up woozy.
“That means Bart is the evil twin!” said Dr Hibbert.
“No it doesn’t you quack!” Oscar snapped.
“Well that doesn’t surprise me. Mwuhahahaha!” said Bart laughing evilly.
“There is only one solution to this.” said Dr Hibbert.
“Don’t even think about it!” Oscar snapped.
Suddenly Dr Hibbert made everyone a turkey dinner and Hugo sat with them.
“A hehehehe! Turkey leg Hugo?” Dr Hibbert gave Hugo a turkey leg.
Hugo tasted the turkey leg meat. He enjoyed it and greedily striped the bone bare of its meat in a savage manner. Then he tried to eat his napkin.
“Mom! Hugo’s eating his napkin...” Lisa groaned.
Everyone laughed including Hugo.
Bart was in the air vents. “Can I have some turkey?”
“Hmmmmmm! You finish your fish heads. Then we’ll see...” said Marge.
“I’m warning you!!” Oscar snapped cocking his shotgun.
“Okay! Okay! Bart sit down and join us! Everything is completely normal! We’re a normal family with our four children!” Marge nervously complied as she ,eat Bart out of the vents and he sat down at the table.
“And get out Hibbert! You are not fit to be a doctor!” Oscar snapped.
“I hope Hugo gave you rabies!” Dr Hibbert retorted as he left.
“Drop dead Hibbert!” Oscar snapped. Speaking of his arm. It was now bandaged up and had been during dinner.
He paced up and down, leaving his turkey dinner for a second. “Okay listen up. Hugo is part of the family now, officially! Whether you like it or not!” He paused. “You’re still assigned a social worker so don’t try anything funny because you will lose all your kids!” He was very, very serious. “And as for you Bart, your brother is not a freak, he needs help! Help to show him how to be human!” Then Oscar turned to Hugo. “And Hugo. I had to yell at you earlier because brothers do not knock out their siblings with chloroform and tie them to the pool table in the attic and perform surgery on them or make them frightened to the extent that Bart is frightened of you. Your behaviour was unacceptable! I am sorry about how your family mistreated you but you must try to behave! You were being bad!”
“Me bad?” Hugo asked.
“Yes! You were very bad!” said Oscar.
“You no tell Hugo what to do!” Hugo sulked and went off to his room.
Bart was about to speak.
“Oscar... you clearly care for Hugo, but I think he’s just beyond listening...” said Marge.
“Normally Oscar’s attempts to help my brothers is usually obnoxiously helping Bart get a tattoo or something just because ‘Why not?’ But for once I agree with Him! Oscar has really matured for once!” said Lisa.
“Don’t I get a say in this?” Bart interjected.
“If it’s to say Hugo’s a freak or a monster then no, I don’t want to hear unhelpful comments Bart.” Oscar replied.
Hugo had stormed off to the attic yelling and ranting. He couldn’t or just wouldn’t see why he was in the wrong. How dare they yell at him and tell him he is being bad! And especially how dare Oscar, the one person he could trust scold him and call him bad. Hugo was too blinded by rage to see reason.
He hissed as he heard his parent and siblings come up to speak with him. Mom sharply scolded him for attacking Bart and biting Oscar’s arm.
”Hugo Victor Jeremiah Zachariah Simpson!” Marge yelled reciting all his long embarrassing middle names she gave him because she likes long biblical or classic names, long variants or names like Bartholomew, Thomas, Joseph, Zachariah... but not shortening them ie Bart, Tom, Joe, Zack etc. She also loved giving her kids multiple middle names to full name them when angry. The longer string of long variations of names. The better. Hugo winced as he was full named in such an undignified manner. No one really used his embarrassing middle names. Except to scold him. Plus it’s cliched and sappy. Only Arthur and other similar kids shows do that...
Oscar snickered trying not to laugh at Hugo’s dorky middle names. “Hehehehe! Jeremiah...”
”Hugo Victor Jeremiah Zachariah Simpson!” Marge raised her voice once again. “I have just about had it up to here with your behaviour today young man!” Her tirade continued. “How dare you attack your brother! Chloroform him! And where on Earth did you get Chloroform from?! Not to mention frightening and unnerving him when you know full well your obsessions with reattaching yourselves scares him!” And after catching her breath. Hugo rolled his eyes as more scolding followed. “And don’t you roll your eyes at me young man! How dare you bite Oscar! What have I told you about biting?! You are grounded young man! No TV!”
”NO!” Hugo spat. He was being petulant.
”Don’t yell at your mother like that!” Homer yelled. He overzealously punished Hugo. Oscar gave him the look that meant he felt he had gone too far barring him from eating as a punishment and selling him to the circus was not an appropriate punishment either.
”NO! NO! NO!” Hugo yelled. Hugo slapped the crows. There were crows in the attic some how observing this argument and I referred to them as particular crows and not some crows as Hugo slapped them... The line “So and So slaps the crows” is just hilarious to me, okay?
”And how dare you slap the crows!” Homer yelled at Hugo.
Oscar cracked up laughing at the very image of Hugo slapping some crows in a tantrum.
”That does it! You are so banished to the attic!” Homer snapped, intending to re-incarcerate Hugo in the attic.
”Homer! No!” Oscar snapped.
”Oscar shut up!” Bubbles821 yelled.
Oscar slapped the crows.
“I don’t think slapping the crows is very funny!” The strange um female yelled in a tirade.
Then Lisa told Hugo off. Simply because I find that funny her telling him off. “Hugo you are really making this difficult for us to get used to living with you! Oscar has tried his best to rehabilitate you! How dare you bite him!”
Hugo did the chit chat/ Yak yak yak... hand gesture to show he thought she was talking too much.
”Hey!” Lisa yelled at him for rudely doing that hand gesture.
Oscar assumed that hand gesture was Hugo pretending his hand was a chick cheeping, like he often did in his Asperger fuelled bouts of madness. “Haaaaaaaaw! Chicks! Haaaaaaaaaaw!” Oscar made a guttural gurgling sound with his throat.
Bart face palmed at his silliness and weird behaviour.
Meanwhile Dr Hibbert, technically ex Dr Hibbert. He still had the PHD, I don’t think you can lose your PHD. But he could no longer practice in any hospital or surgery in the land anymore. Was angrily pacing up and down his lounge while Bernice drank tea. “Blast that Oscar! Blast him for costing me my job and livelihood!” Hibbert ranted. And also he’s a reoccurring antagonist now, just because Evil Hibbert sounds cool. Plus he is evil for having the Simpsons lock Hugo away.
Elsewhere at the Simpsons after everyone went back downstairs from the attic after scolding Hugo.
”Hugey...” Oscar tried to be sympathetic towards his friend.
”Go away!” Hugo snapped, not in the mood.
Oscar sighed and sat far away from him in the attic as Hugo experimented with his science equipment. Oscar sung Ben by Michael Jackson but about Hugo.
Hugo, the two of us need look no more!
We, both found what we’re looking for!
Wiiiiiiiith a friend to call my own,
I’ll no longer ever be alone.
And you, my friend will see...
You’ve got a friend in me...
“Oz shut up. That heart warming singing doesn’t work on me!” Hugo snapped while working on a science experiment.
Lisa in her room reading heard Oscar’s singing from the air vents. She started crying because that song was such a sweet, lovely song. “(Lisa sobbing)”
Meanwhile Dr Hibbert was planning something insidious to do away with Oscar. And he later ends up on a skull shaped island where he performs hideous mad scientist experiments on people turning them into man animal hybrids or “Manimals!”
”Cooooool!” said Hugo.
”Your grounded from all character interactions mister until you learn from your bad behaviour...” said Oscar sharply.
Hugo threw a book at him. And slapped the crows again.
”Stop writing that!” Bubbles8218 snapped.
Eventually Hugo was ungrounded from the attic. He went down to Bart’s room. Bart was understandably nervous around him. However Hugo was more interested in his Krusty the clown bedside lamp.
”Hugo what are you doing with my Krusty lamp?” Bart asked.
Hugo fiddled with it until it sparked and exploded.
”Hugo! You broke my favourite Krusty lamp!” Bart yelled.
”I’m sorry. I just wanted to see what it does. I’ve never seen a lamp before.” said Hugo.
”Hugo don’t touch anymore stuff. Okay?” Oscar asked him.
”Don’t tell me what to do! Boss monster!” Hugo said petulantly.
”Hugey... don’t talk like Mud Boy. I doesn’t suit you...” Oscar sighed.
”(Angry muttering) Boss monster! Me smoosh boss monster!” Mud Boy from Jumanji ranted.
”I don’t want to talk to you right now!” Hugo snapped. “You yelled at me! Told me I was bad!”
”I was telling you off for bad behaviour. Because it was. And because I care for you. Your Dad would rather take the easy option and lock you away and starve you, than teach you right and wrong. I care enough to get you to see reason no matter what.” said Oscar. He started singing Ben again. “Huuuugo... must people would turn you away... I don’t care about what they saaaay! Iiiiiif they saw you the way I doooooo! I really wish they’d try tooooo! And maybe one daaaay... they’ll have a friend like yoooooouuu!”
”Say what you want about Oz, but that boy has a voice like an angel.” said Bart applauding him.
”Thanks Bart.” Said Oscar.
”Yeah whatever. That sappy stuff doesn’t work on me. Now I’m going back up to my room to slap some crows.” said Hugo.
”Stop writing that!” Bubbles8212 yelled.
Meanwhike Dr Hibbert assembled his injection needle gun he used when Bart glued stuff to his face. He chuckled evilly.
”If Hugo doesn’t like my singing I’ll find someone who does... Oh I know!” said Oscar. He went to Clock Town in Termania. Young Link has just summoned Elegy of Emptiness clones of himself. Oscar called the creepy looking statues Ben, after the Internet meme. Link winced when he did.
”Beeeeeen, the two of us need no look no moooore. We both found what we’re looking fooooor. Wiiiiiith a friend to call my own! I’ll never be alone! And you my friend will see, you’ve got a friend in me!” Oscar sung sweetly.
Young Link was concerned he was singing to a statue.
After a day of beating him and depriving him of donuts, Oscar got Homer to try to be civil to his other son Hugo. The good twin even though I believe they are more like the Valeska twins in Gotham.
“Hugo,” said Homer to Hugo. “I just want you to know, that even though you’re a weird little monster-face,” Oscar glared at Homer for calling him that. Even though he smirked because it was a funny insult. “I think of you as my son.”
Hugo frowned. “I AM your son!” He said with emphasis. Bart and I were conjoined twins! Don’t you remember?”
“Right, right... I really should remember that...” said Homer. “Say... let me take you out to Krusty Burger, eh son?”
“All I eat is fish heads. I’m trying to cut down on carbs. But I have extra, wanna join me for dinner?” Hugo replied offering him some of his extra fish heads. They stunk out the house and repulsed Homer.
”Absolutely. You get started and I’ll be right there...” said Homer being insincere.
”Dad, I’m not dumb. I can tell when you’re lying...” said Hugo.
"No I'm serious! I'll be there! I swear!" said Homer.
Homer didn’t show up until late, Hugo was hungry so he started on his fish heads. Homer came in eating two buckets of chicken.
“Dad? I missed you at dinner...” said Hugo finishing his fish heads in the hallway downstairs.
”I’m sorry. I’m just not that much of an eater...” Homer lied.
“You’re eating two buckets of chicken right now...” said Hugo. Homer was devouring fried chicken.
”Yeah. I’m also incredibly inconsistent.” said Homer.
”Dad?” Hugo asked.
“Yes boy, I mean- son?” Homer replied.
“Are you embarrassed of me?” Hugo asked.
“What?!” Honer acted like he wasn’t but he was or is just cruel, “No, no, no, no! Absolutely not!” Liar...
The Doorbell rang. “Oops! I think there’s someone at the door! Time to go to your attic. Where no one can see you.” Homer sent him up to his room because he did not want the visitor to see Hugo. Hugo was so upset his Dad was embarrassed by him he ran up there anyway bawling his eyes out. Oscar passed him on the stairs.
”Hugey...” Oscar was concerned for him. “Homer what did you do-“ he stopped when he saw that Dr Hibbert was at the door chuckling. He glared at Hibbert. “You! Didn’t I tell you I never want to see you round here ever again?!”
“Ahehehehe! My diagnosis is one brat who wrecked my career! My prescription? Death!” Hibbert spoke in a harsh barking tone the Simpsons never heard before that was nothing like his warm professional manner. He was holding an injection needle gun like the Medic’s syringe gun in Team Fortress 2.
”Don’t try me, punk...” said Oscar drawing a handgun on him.
Homer screamed and fled for the lounge.
Hugo in the attic was talking to his pigeon rat experiment. “Oh pigeon rat, you’re my only friend. Let us clear our heads and go for a walk. Hmmmm, wish I could understand what those coos and squeaks mean...”
”Please don’t take us outside! We don’t want to be seen with you either, freak!” was a rough transition of the coos and squeaks coming from the pigeon and rat sewn together.
Hugo suddenly heard gunfire from downstairs. He hissed because he was not used to the sound.
Oscar and Hibbert were in a high octane gunfight. Hibbert with his injection needle gun and Oscar now using uzis.
Marge called the police.
Wiggum had to stop for a Krusty burger so he arrived late. However once he arrived he arrested Dr Hibbert for attempted murder.
”Bake him away, toys...” said Wiggum.
”What?!” Lou asked.
”Take him away, boys. Lou do your ears work?!” Wiggum sighed.
After Wiggum was gone Marge apologises to Hugo for the way he had been treated all his life.
Hugo, your father and I are sorry that we’ve locked you away all this time.” said Marge. “I guess it’s this whole “Evil Twin”, thing.”
“But I’M the good twin!” said Hugo pointing to himself.
“Oh that’s right. That was the twist.” said Marge,
”Why do we keep forgetting that?” Homer asked.
“Because you’re a lard head! Nyahahahaha! Smell ya later, gang!” said Bart laughing as he made a smart remark and went upstairs to his room.
Hugo decided his entire family were evil twins and the world was dark and cruel. He packed what little belongings he had and ran away.
”Oh no!” said Marge.
”I know where he went. Ace’s neighbourhood. Where all the haunted houses are...” said Oscar.
Oscar rode his bike with the stabilisers still on because he is a big baby, to an entire street of haunted decrepit houses. He went in one that looked as if it was glaring at him from its windows. In one of the upper rooms he found Hugo with his pigeon rat sat in the corner, muttering like Gollum.
”Hugey...” Oscar squealed in a babyish manner.
”Go away...” Hugo groaned rudely as he curled up on the floor.
”Hugh...” said Oscar. A crow settled on the window sill with no pane. Oscar slapped it flying.
”Stop that!” Bubbles8218 yelled.
”Oz, I said go away... I’m not in the mood...” Hugo groaned.
”Your family is worried about you. They’ve called the cops.” said Oscar.
”Fat chance...” Hugo replied.
”Yeah I suppose that is far fetched... but they are wondering where you are...” said Oscar.
Hugo was in a dark mood stroking his pigeon rat he made by sewing a pigeon and a rat together.
”Well my help is needed elsewhere... in England.” said Oscar.
Hugo if he could prick up his ears like a cat’s, he was doing so now as he listened.
”Some kid, James Henry Trotter. His parents got eaten by a giant storm cloud rhinoceros. He was adopted by his aunts Spiker and Sponge but they’re mistreating him by locking him up in the attic and feeding him fish heads...” said Oscar.
Hugo rolled over and frowned at him. “That’s not funny...”
”I’m not joking... There’s really another kid out there who’s relatives think they can just lock him up and feed him fish heads...” said Oscar.
One evening before the brown stuff hit the fan with his existence. Hugo was out of the attic. Luckily for Homer, his other kids were sound asleep because he was having a late romantic dinner with his wife.
Hugo came into the kitchen.
”I did my chores and stayed quiet all day. Can I have something to eat?” Hugo asked.
”Hohohoho! Well I’m sorry boy, but this meal was so delicious your mother and I ate all of it!” said Homer cruelly.
”There might be something in the oven for you.” said Marge whom I’m nit sure if she just reluctantly played along or she’s just as cruel as Homer. Cruel doesn’t seem to suit her though...”
Hugo looked in the oven and grimaced disgusted. Fish heads...
”Well there’s nothing else!” said Homer frowning.
Hugo sighed and poured the fish heads onto a plate. While his dad was distracted having romantic conversations with Mom, Hugo stole a half eaten packet of kettle baked chips (Phileas Fogg) and hurried upstairs to eat.
Bart’s Comet. 4 am in the morning.
Marge was woken up by Oscar cooking.
”Oscar it’s four AM! What are you doing?!” Marge asked tired and yawning.
”Making chocolate pudding.” Oscar replied wearing a white chef’s hat and stirring chocolate pudding mix.
”Why on Earth are you making chocolate pudding at 4 in the morning?!” Marge asked annoyed. Raising her husky voice slightly.
”Because I’ve lost control of my life...” said Oscar miserable.
A studio audience laughed.
“Nnnngh! Enough of the stupid Rugrats chocolate pudding at four in the morning gag!” Bart yelled. He slumped about like a zombie because he was very tired.
”Bart I told you, you are not going to the school at this hour for an unreasonable and weird detention with Skinner! Quite frankly this smacks of creepiness! Why would the principal need to see you at this hour!?” Marge ranted.
”I dunno. But if I don’t turn up Mom, I’ll be in even more trouble...”
”I’m sorry dear but I wouldn’t be any sort of mother if I let you leave the house at this hour for any reason! Go back to bed and get some rest dear! You have school in four hours! You can apologise to Principal Skinner at school time.” said Marge softly.
Bart sighed and went back to bed.
Hugo came down, having escaped the attic somehow.
”Mom can you make me breakfast?“ Hugo asked.
”There’s a stuffed pepper in the garbage. Make sure to wash it thoroughly before you eat it...” said Marge.
Hugo frowned and went through the garbage.
”Marge!” Oscar snapped.
”Fine! Here’s ten dollars. Find an IHOP or something that’s open at this hour...” Marge sighed giving Oscar money.
Oscar frowned and took Hugo out to get him some breakfast.
”Hugey... don’t eat that...” Oscar sighed as Hugo was eating a stuffed pepper that had been in the garbage.
Hugo eventually returned home. He was lying on the attic floor, because I don’t think Homer bothered to buy him a bed.
Oscar came up.
”Oz.” Hugo asked.
”Make me some chocolate pudding...” Hugo asked.
”I’m sorry Hugey. But it’s almost dinner time, it’s not a sensible time to have chocolate pudding...” said Oscar. “Besides I don’t have any.”
”But I want chocolate pudding!” Hugo whinged petulantly like a child.
”Hugey I’m sorry! But I don’t have any! And besides your brother gets annoyed at me for mentioning chocolate pudding! Especially at four in the morning! Oh Stu.... hehehehe!”
”I want chocolate!!” Hugo yelled.
”You’ll get a smack if you don’t stop!” Oscar warned him.
Hugo curled up and tried to sleep, tearful with anger and frustration that he couldn’t have chocolate pudding.
Hugo eventually returned home and went to school the next day.
Jessica, because she was expelled from a covenant for something involving itching powder was at the school.
”What’s up, my twin brother? A girl?” asked Hugo to his brother.
”Absolutely, Hugo. And not a nice one... Stay away from her... she’s trouble.” said Bart.
Jessica glared at Bart plotting some sort of revenge against him.
“Pleasure, Jessica! As you know, I'm Hugo Simpson!” said Hugo trying to compel himself to speak and not growl or drool like freakish monster.
Bart face palmed.
Jessica ignored Hugo.
“Hey, I know you! You informed me where the school was yesterday!” Hugo said to Jessica who was blanking him because yesterday he was scratching himself like a dog and this put her off of him.
”Hugo I said she’s trouble. Stay away from her.” Bart pulled him away from Jessica.
“Hugo is Bart's Siamese/conjoined twin, who lived locked in the attic like an animal until he was 10, and wanted revenge for it! But when we discovered a certain truth, he moved in with Grandpa and adopted a quieter personality, visiting us from time to time!“ Lisa explained.
That just gave Jessica further reasons to ostracise the Simpsons from her social circle and treat them poorly. Her ex boyfriend was a gullible fool, his sister a clever, too clever for her own good interfering little harlot and now their freakish long lost brother Hugo.
“What certain truth?” Janey asked.
”That he was the good twin, not the evil one. Although I have my doubts there is a good twin...” said Lisa.
“I see. He’s rather... unnerving.” said Janey. She had to stop herself saying freaky or freakish because Oscar was nearby and didn’t tolerate people insulting Hugo.
“I see Oscar’s been haranguing you as well. I’m sorry but his heart is in the right place. He feels really bad for what my beastly, inhuman father did to Hugo, locking him up all his life.” said Lisa.
Janey winced because Hugo was sniffing her like a dog would.
Eventually Hugo came to understand Oscar was looking out for him and showed him far more love and respect than anybody else ever did, even his own father.
”Mmmrrrrrrrhhh...” He tried to speak to Oscar but murmured like the mushroom boss from Monkey Hero.
”Hmmm?” Oscar asked while scribbling and drawing clowns on his assignment.
”Mmmmmmrrrrrr-Oscar. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I bit you. I’m sorry I was mad at you.” said Hugo.
”That’s okay Hugey.” said Oscar.
After school, the Simpson kids went home. Grampa who volunteered to take in Hugo picked him up as he didn’t like living with his family because of how they treated him.
And Homer learnt the error of his ways. For now anyway...
"I'm not the father you thought you married!" Homer cried and sobbed and ran off. Directing this dialogue to his wife before running off upstairs sobbing. “Oscar’s right! I’m a terrible father!”
”Oh... Sweetheart... I... I... don’t know what to say... I mean he’s right about Hugo. We should have loved Hugo unconditionally... but....” Marge went up after him to comfort him.
Later the family were having dinner. Marge kissed Maggie and put her in her high chair. She was wearing a pink top and a diaper.
”Mom do you think it’s wise to send Hugo out to get dinner?” Lisa asked.
”You worried he’ll come back with fish heads or something gross Lis?” Bart smirked.
”Kids we’re having KFC and that guy behind the weird clones wanted to reference South Park where Cartman ate the fried chicken skins and made Kenny cry.” said Marge.
”Come on, where is that boy?” Homer asked.
”That’s him now.” Marge answered the door.
Hugo ran in on all fours like a dog with a greasy and hot bucket of KFC with extras like fries and beans etc tied to his head and a chicken leg in his mouth.
”Well I guess we can rely on him after all.” said Lisa.
”Hurry up and take the chicken bucket! It is extremely hot!” Hugo whined as it was burning him.