Simpsons Fanon
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Homer the Glutton Dissatisfied with the two bowl limit of jumbo shrimp at the Hillside Wrangler Steakhouse. And causing mayhem trying to get his fill of jumbo shrimp. Homer is desperate for a restaurant that serves portions to satisfy his hunger when his prayers are answered.

Meanwhile Lenny gets diamonds installed in various odd places on his body.

Plot[]

The couch gag is that the Simpsons come in to find Hugo lying across the couch relaxed and watching TV. They all sit on him.

The episode starts like Pranksta Rap. Homer is watching sports and eating potato chips while over enthusiastically tapping the arm of his couch as the game is about to start. He tips over the remote and his bag of chips. Santa’s Little Helper eats some and then swallows the remote. He barks and the channel changes to a sitcom.

Homer screams. “Where’s the remote?!” He looks everywhere for it. “Come on people this is not a drill! We have a missing TV remote!”

“Did you mistake it for your ice cream sandwich again...” came Oscar’s voice.

“No smartass... and besides I haven’t got an ice cream sandwich I’m eating potato chips...” said Homer. The Simpsons found him ripping up the carpet to find the remote.

“Homer what are you doing?” Marge asked.

Then Homer looked in her hair. He found a framed picture of Lenny. “D’oh! How did that get there?!”

The TV channel kept changing. Now Spanish Wheel of Fortune was on. Rueda de Fortuna! came up on screen.

Then the TV changed channels again.

“And now the Veggitales in. Mel Gibson’s The Salad of the Christ.” A violent adaptation of Veggitales based on that violent movie about Jesus was on.

Oscar laughed hysterically. “Cooooool!”

“Laaaaame!” said Bart. “And written by a drunk anti Semite...”

“What’s happening?!” Homer asked as the TV kept changing channels.

“I think the TV appears to change channels when the dog barks!” said Lisa.

Santa’s Little Helper barked. The channel changed back to the football.

“Ay carumba! I think the dog swallowed the remote!” Bart gasped.

“Dog! Serve your master!” Homer picked up Santa’s Little Helper. “Come on! Bark!” He tried to get him to bark.

“Regurgitate the remote! Stupid dog!” Homer tried squeezing the dog to force him to cough up the remote.

“Dad! No! Let the dog go!” Bart yelled.

Santa’s Little Helper escapes from Homer and ran outside via the dog flap.

“Come back!” Homer tried following the dog but got stuck in the dog flap. “Ooooh! Curse my voluptuous behind!” He struggled but was stuck.

Suddenly two shadows appeared. Patty and Selma...

They decided to give Homer a makeover for some odd reason...

They put lipstick on him and blusher and did his eyelashes and eyeliner.

“How do I look?” Homer asked unable to get away.

“Like diamonds of dog doo doo!” said Patty laughing.

Bart decided to humiliate/annoy Homer as well. He kicked him up the butt.

“Ow!” Homer whined. Bart kicked him again. “Ow! Who’s doing that?!” Bart laughed and kicked him again. “Boy... When my makeover is finished and I get outta here you’ll be sorry...” Bart kicked him again.

“Okay enough silliness! Bart stop kicking your father! Homer get out of the dog flap...” said Marge dressed up. “Come on come on! We’ve got to get ready!”

“Why?” Homer asked having somehow got free of the dog flap but had the frame stuck round him as he had ripped it out of the door leaving a gaping hole.

Bart laughed at Homer’s pretty makeover.

“Because we’re going to that The Land of Wild Beasts- Sorry Oscar, I meant Where the Wild Things Are themed steakhouse. The Hillside Wrangler.” said Marge. “They’re great with kids!” Marge was happy to find a restaurant that was suitable for families with young children.

“Oscar you have to get that out of your system... for copyright reasons it’s called The Land of Wild Beasts...” said Lisa.

“Then why are Aunt Patty and Selma here?” Bart asked Marge.

“We’re bringing Ling Ling. She hasn’t gotten to know her cousin Maggie yet!” said Selma holding Ling Ling.

“And she hasn’t seen much of her foster cousin Nemo either!” said Treehouse of Horror XI Satan appearing in a burst of fire. He was carrying Nemo in a papoose/baby sling.

“Uh Satan this isn’t a really good time...” said Marge. “This is a family night out...”

“Well too bad! I am the prince of darkness! And I am inviting myself!” said Satan. Well shouted Satan really... Maybe even bellowed.

Marge sighed.

...

The Simpsons and the Bouviers and Uh... Satan arrived at the Hillside Wrangler. The waiter guided them to their table. He didn’t know Satan had suddenly invited himself so the table had only two high chairs. For Maggie and Ling Ling.

“I demand a high chair for my son mortal!! Raaaaaaaagh!” Satan bellowed before roaring and breathing fire.

“Right away sir!” said the waiter, who was a Squeaky Voiced Teen clone.

He eventually returned with a high chair for Nemo.

Satan put Nemo in the high chair and strapped him in. The devil himself then sat down. “These chairs are too small! And far too plain for the prince of darkness! I’m used to a demonic throne you know!” Satan bellowed.

“Satan please... people are staring...” Marge sighed.

“Then let them!” Satan roared. “Yes I, the devil am having dinner! Is that so fascinating to you mortals?!”

Everyone went back to eating or talking amongst themselves.

Marge sighed.

...

The Simpsons and the Bouviers felt awkward so Oscar engaged in small talk.

“That’s funny you should mention your throne. Because I saw Mr Burns sitting on a very demonic throne that time Homer went to college. I was eavesdropping on his meeting with his associates and college dean friends. That wouldn’t happen to be yours Satan?” said Oscar.

“As a matter of fact it was Mortal! I um allowed him to borrow it! He wanted to show how evil he is and all that! Look, I don’t care for why he does that! As long as there’s not a scratch on my throne I’m happy! Now this conversation is tiresome! Talk about something else!” Satan explained. Then he screamed “Talk about something Else!” In Oscar’s face.

“So... Are any of us going to Hell...?” Bart asked.

“Bart!” Marge didn’t like him asking that.

“He said talk about something else!” Bart replied under his breath.

“Yes! All of you are!” Satan bellowed. “You for being a Buddhist! There is only one path to God! You for being a Brat!” He started with Lisa then Bart. “You for the sins of Gluttony, Greed! Wrath! Envy... You’ve committed every one?! What is wrong with you?!” Satan was now talking about Homer.

“I’m a man of many vices...” said Homer.

“And you Oscar Tamaki are going to Hell for mass murder! You make me look calm and friendly!” said Satan.

“I knew it!” Bart glared at Oscar.

“I have a short fuse...” said Oscar.

...


The Simpsons ordered their dishes.

“I’ll have the jumbo shrimp.” said Homer.

Bart was uncomfortable because he was allergic to shrimp. “Just keep that shrimp away from me Dad...”

“I will... Stupid kids with allergies...” said Homer.

“Very well sir. Remember it’s a maximum two servings per customer.” said Squeaky Voiced Teen.

Eventually everyone got their meals. Satan was going on about his diet.

“Apparently the wife says I should eat less red meat. So I casted her into the hell fire.” said Satan.

Homer had finished his second bowl of jumbo shrimp but was still hungry.

“What a let down that was! That was hardly an appetiser!” said Homer.

Homer tried to get more jumbo shrimp.

“No sir! It’s two servings maximum per customer!” said Squeaky Voiced teen. When Homer got aggressive they had to call security.

Marge was embarrassed. “It’s just like that night at the Frying Dutchman again...”

Satan decided to handle things.

“Homer this is the restaurant’s policy.” said Satan.

“And...” Homer asked.

“And Gluttony is a sin.” said Satan warning him.

“So...” said Homer.

“Oh well, I love a bit of chaos and discord! I’ll help!” said Satan smashing a chair over a security guard.

“Cooooo! I like causing mayhem trying to help the Simpsons even if they’re in the wrong!” said Oscar joining in beating up the security guards.

Marge was deeply embarrassed.

...

They eventually went home from the now burning restaurant. Homer was eating his fiftieth bowl of jumbo shrimp.

“I’ve never been so humiliated in my entire life!” Marge ranted.

Oscar coughed.

“Well except for that trip to Itchy and Scratchy Land and that time at the caramel factory...” said Marge.

“I was a political prisoner!” Homer whined.

“How were you a political prisoner?!” Marge yelled.

“They were denying a greedy fat guy his fill! Do I have to draw you a picture?” said Homer.

“Homer J Simpson! Your stomach has done nothing but get you into trouble! You need to go on a diet and I mean it this time!” said Marge.

“No! I need a restaurant that serves me sized portions!” said Homer.

“You mean enough to feed Stampy.” said Bart.

“Why you Little!” Homer strangled Bart.

...

At Home the next day Homer was still in a mood at the Hillside Wrangler.

“Stupid two servings maximum...” said Homer.

Suddenly Lenny called.

“It’s Lenny! And he has news!” said Homer. He let him in.

“Hi Homer! Remember that time at the union meeting where that guy stole my diamond from my tooth?” said Lenny.

“Yeah...” said Homer.

“Well I got another one! See!” Lenny grinned showing off a diamond on his tooth sparkling.

“Yoink!” An unseen guy whose arm was all we could see snatched the diamond. Lenny held his hands over his mouth in shock.

“That kleptomaniac scoundrel! Poor Mr Lenny!” said Lisa.

“That’s alright. Easy come easy go...” said Lenny. “I have another new diamond installed! In my belly button!” said Lenny. He pulled up his green sweater to show he had a large diamond in his belly.

“Uh.... Okay...” said Homer. That was a weird place for a diamond.

“Oh that’s nothing! You should see what I got back from R’lyeh!” said Oscar. He pulled up his blue sweater and giggled as a tentacle slithered out of his belly button and wriggled about before going back in. He’d coo and laugh before sending it out again.

“Oscar, that’s just grotesque...” Bart sighed.

Then Satan arrived in a burst of hell fire carrying Nemo in a papoose. “Did I leave Nemo’s rattle over at your house last night?” Satan asked.

”Yeah.” said Homer handing over a baby’s rattle.

”Thanks mortals.” said Satan and he went back to Hell.

...

During this time Bart got into rap/hip hop. “You dissing me Oz? I’ll give you the four one one with ma homies! Yo Mac daddy!” said Bart wearing a red hoody.

Oscar stared coldly at him. “Bart, never, ever talk like that ever again...”

“Sorry boss...” Bart took off his hoodie and agreed never to take up rap and street talk ever again.

”I think Bart’s finding rock too mainstream now Christian rock is a thing and grown ups like it now so it’s not the latest rebellious devil music anymore...” said Lisa.

”I don’t want to hear him talking like a young black person! That is black people talk!” said Oscar.

”No it’s not! Some black people can be very refined and polite! Like Dr Hibbert! And some white people can be crass! Like Eminem...” said Lisa.

”Mom can I go to see 50 cent?” Bart asked.

Oscar sighed.

Plot 2[]

Marge and Homer were due out for dinner again. Marge had words with Homer.

“I hope you can behave tonight Homer...” said Marge.

“I will Marge Homer sighed as she did his bow tie for him. “Besides this is the singing sirloin, not a steakhouse or buffet restaurant. It would be unexpected to expect to be allowed to eat like a pig there.”

“Pigs tend to chew. I’d say you’re more like a duck...” said Marge. “Oh well, as long as you promise...”

“Hey at least the kids aren’t coming it’ll be a swell night!” said Homer.

Marge kisses him.

“Yeah that place is not for kids! They don’t even have a kids menu!” said Bart.

“Or happy meals...” said Oscar.

“Oscar at Krusty Burger it’s called a Krusty meal...” said Bart.

“Well, you kids be good for Laura! And I’ll tKe you on our next family outing!” said Marge.

Laura Powers was babysitting.

...

The kids must have behaved because they were taken to a fancy buffet brunch somewhere the next day.

“Now you all know why we’re here...” Homer asked.

“No...” said Bart.

“I’ve finally cleared our second mortgage! Now we can sleep on proper mattresses and not straw...” said Homer holding an official document labelled Mortgage and several lines too small to see.

The family cheered.

“Now one rule. Don’t fill yourselves up with crap. Only go for the good stuff!” said Homer.

Homer got up and went to the buffet tables.

“Porridge sir?” A man asked with a cauldron of porridge. Homer punched him out. Then went for the fancy foods like glazed hams and lobsters... Mmmmm! Glazed hams...


Eventually Homer ate so much he was full. He was trying to eat a shrimp but its tail kept coming back up. Homer cried. “I win...” he fell across a table with his shirt bursting open from how fat he had got.

Bart meanwhile was torturing a chef cutting up meat for him by asking for it to be sliced thinner.

“Thinner... Thinner... Thinner... Nah too thin! Better luck next time (reads something) Tommy K from Virginia! Bwahahahaha!” Bart laughed and went off somewhere.

The chef looked sad.

Oscar saw a sign that read. “Fancy Brunch. It’s like Breakfast but with booze!”

Oscar laughed.

However a clerk of the restaurant stopped him from having fun. “Um it’s a felony to let a minor drink...”

Oscar frowned and fired a tranquilliser dart at him from his blowpipe. The clerk was knocked out. Oscar has shifty eyes as he poured himself some wine from the wine box.

...

The Simpsons were eating at a table. Homer had somehow got his appetite back and was eating too.

However Bart was up to mischief again. He laughed evilly and took some meat and rolled it up into a chocolate chip pancake thing he had on his plate and fired the meat like he was using a blowpipe to shoot it into Lisa’s mouth.

She gagged as she swallowed the meat.

“Ha! You ate meat! You ate meat!” Bart taunted her.

Lisa used her spoon to catapult fruit into Barr’s mouth. He gagged as it went down.

“Ha! You ate fruit! You ate fruit!” Lisa teased him.

Bart coughed up the fruit and spat it out. Then they started throwing food at each other.

“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” Marge tried to stop them.

“Ow! Mom! Lisa threw a shrimp!” Bart whined as a shrimp hit him and caused swellings from his allergic reactions. His throat began to swell up.

“Stop it! You’re ruining this brunch!” Marge yelled.

Bart and Lisa stopped throwing food.

“How rude! I can’t take my secret other family anywhere!” said Joe Quimby with his girlfriend with the horrid screechy voice and three Quimby like kids.


“I can’t take you kids anywhere! And what’s worse is this is Brunch! So that’s two meals you’ve ruined! I’ll see you all at lupper!” Homer stormed off.

The Simpsons looked ashamed.

Oscar was dancing around drunk hiccuping and singing drunkenly. “La la la laaaa Hic! La la la...”

Bart face palmed.

...

Homer was at Moes getting drunk like in Mommie Beerest complaining about his kids.

“Why did I have kids...”

“Here Homer. Have a tall frosty glass of forget it all...” Moe poured him a beer. “That’ll be two dollars ninety nine.”

Homer sighed and paid him.

...

At home Marge was very cross with the kids.

“I can’t take you two anywhere! Lisa you should know better than to retaliate at your brother’s antics!” Marge nagged. “And Oscar! You’re um drunk! And that’s not a good thing!”

Oscar stumbled around drunk. “Eh I don’t wanna fight no union...” He slurred.

Bart grimaced. “Look Mom we’re really sorry!” said Bart.

“Sorry doesn’t unruin today’s brunch! I want you to go to your rooms and think about what you did!” said Marge.

“Okay mom...” Bart and Lisa went to their rooms.

Oscar stumbled about like Maggie and fell flat on his face with a thump.

Marge sighed.

...

Sometime later Homer had the kids alone because Marge went out. They had a TV dinner.

A guy on TV was being weird and wanted everyone inside him. Sexually...

“Okay Freakazoid...” said the bartender.

Oscar started singing the Freakazoid theme tune.

“Oz he wasn’t making a reference! Now sit down and eat your TV dinner...” Bart sighed.

“I think Mom is really upset with us...” said Lisa.

“What are you inferring?” Homer asked.

“Dad I don’t infer anything! That’s your thing! I imply...” said Lisa.

“Imply or implode...” Homer was being annoying again.

“Daaaaad....” Lisa whined.

...

That night Marge didn’t get in till four am!

“Woo hoo! Four Am! Time to make chocolate pudding because I’ve lost control of my life!” Homer got up and ran downstairs to make chocolate pudding.

Marge sighed and went to bed.

Bart hearing Homer tossed and turned in his sleep.

“Must make Oscar stop making Nickelodeon running gags references...” Bart groaned.

“Homer that Potato Salad took me three days to make! Three days!” Oscar yelled angry at Homer over potato salad.

Bart groaned and put the pillow over his head.

...

Homer had a disappointing lunch at the UFO restaurant after NASA managed to find it near Proxima Centuri near the Rigel system and took it back home and rebuilt it and cleared out all the dead people from Treehouse of Horror X who asphyxiated. The portions were too small.

However an advertisement for an Australian themed steakhouse called Outback Steakhouse with ridiculous sized portions for fat people was on. A fat guy was eating his food disappointed in it.

“Are you a fat bastard and love eating at steakhouses but think the portions are too small?” The narrator asked.

The fat guy nodded.

“Then come on down to Outback Steakhouse Extreme!” said the narrator. A branding iron branded Extreme on the logo.

“Phew! At least they didn’t deliberately misspell it as Xtreme or with intercased capital and small letters.” said Homer.

“No because only douchebags do that...” said the Commercial Narrator. Homer screamed.

“We don’t just have a blooming onion! (A blooming onion dish. That’s fried onion served like a flower with a dressing/dip in the centre) We ave a blooming pumpkin!” A fried pumpkin falls on and crushes the blooming onion. The man gasps with joy.

“And we have elephant steaks! Fifty pound elephant steaks!” said the narrator as an elephant steak fell on and crushed the blooming pumpkin.

“And you can wash it down with litre glasses of liquor and malt whiskey you fat bastard!” said the narrator as a man splashed liquor and malt whiskey over the man and slapped him.

“Outback Steakhouse Extreme! Punish your toilet!” said the commercial.

Homer was eager to go. “Marge get ready! We’re going to Outback Steakhouse Extreme!”

Marge sighed. “Homer...”

...

They went to Outback Steakhouse extreme...

“Hmmmmm! Doesn’t look like there’s anything vegetarian on the menu...” Lisa grumbled.

“Lisa don’t ruin this night!” Homer yelled.

“Oh blooming onion junior! The menu is insulting us none gluttons but I can live with that... after all onion is a vegetable...” Lisa decided to have a blooming onion to start.

“Very good little girl. Wimp...” said the waiter noting her order.

“Lisa! Everything is fried in tallow or chicken fried...” Oscar explained showing her the small print under each dish.

Lisa gasped in horror.

“Hey Bart, since this place is Australian. I bet Tobias is here...” said Oscar.

“Oz just because it’s Australian themed doesn’t mean Tobias is here.” Bart sighed. Tobias was with his dad on the table across the restaurant from them waving at Bart. “He’s waving at us right now isn’t he...” Bart sighed.

“I want to see if he’ll make anything else Zelda related like a grappling hook or bombs or a bow and arrows or...” Oscar went off on a tangent.

Homer did something that upset Bart.

“Oh! I’ll have the elephant steak!” said Homer. “Mmmmm! Elephant...”

“Dad no!” Bart whined upset.

“I’ll order what I want brat!” said Homer.

“Dad! That’s like eating Stampy! Please!” Bart was tearful.

“Oh great hear comes the water works...” said Homer as Bart sniffled.

“Well I sympathise with Bart. Thinking about that poor lamb is what turned me vegetarian!” said Lisa.

“Lis I’m not going vegetarian! I just don’t want anyone to eat elephant!” said Bart.

“What about horse!” Homer asked.

“No! Duncan!” Bart cried.

“Come on Bart... Join the vegetarian side of the force...” Lisa smirked holding a carrot and poking him with it.

“No way! You won’t turn me!” said Bart.

“Don’t worry Lis! We’ve still got Spider Pig and Lou the calf to be introduced!” said Oscar reading the Simpsons episode guide.

Bart squinted at him for breaking the fourth wall.

...

After dinner that night Bart once again in his rapper phase asked to go to see 50 cent.

“Absolutely not! That hippity hop funky music belongs in the trash! It’s a bad influence on you!” Marge nagged.

”Oz...” Bart frowned.

Oscar used his evil powers to telekinetically make a lamp throw itself against a wall smashing to pieces.

”Okay! Fine! Anything as long as Oscar stops breaking things!” Marge sighed.

”Mom! Toe the line!” Lisa whined.

Bart used his evil powers to turn her into a freakish monster with horns for ears that made the trumpet sound grownups make in the Peanuts comic.

Marge sighed at Bart’s behaviour.

Plot 3[]

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