Homer the Gay Homer bankrupts the family once again buy buying a brain damaged horse instead of groceries and it goes on a rampage at a horse race causing $100,000 worth of damage and several deaths.

Although the horse has died and Homer throws it in Jurkle’s Dad’s pharmacy. They are still saddled with the bill for the damage the horse caused so Homer takes up being a guinea pig again.

Plot[edit | edit source]

Marge sent Homer shopping. “Now Homer don’t touch this money until you get to the grocery store... buy one can of beans and get back. Do you understand?” She put money in his front shirt pocket.

“Of course sweetie! I’m your man! After all I did conquer Dragons Lair!” said Homer.

Homer was playing Dragons Lair. However he died slamming Dirk into a wall.

You are Dead! said the game.

“Oh I got dead again...” Homer whined as he played Dragons Lair with Bart.

“Ho boy, you’re really sucking tonight Home boy!” said Bart.

“Why you little!” Homer strangled Bart.

“Homer we don’t have time for cutaway gags! Oh brother...” said Marge as Peter Griffin arrived with Conway Twitty.

“Yeah I wanna waste five minutes of a twenty five minute episode of my show with a live action gag of the real Conway Twitty singing one of his songs.” said Peter.

“But Peter that eats away at valuable story telling!” said a producer.

“I don’t have time to resolve stories and conclude them! Just have everything return to the status quo at the end of the episode! No character evolution! Nothing!” said Peter.

“But Peter that’s terrible! If a show doesn’t evolve it gets stale and boring...” said the producer.

“Errrrr... I better get going...” said Homer.

Homer left and sometime later he returned with the beans and a horse.

“Homer did you get the beans?” said Marge.

“Yes Marge and I even got us a horse!” said Homer with a horse. Something wasn’t quite right about the horse.

“A horse?! But Homer I didn’t even give you that much money!” said Marge taking her beans she asked for.

“I know! It was free!” said Homer.

“Why was it free?! People don’t give away large animals for free...” said Marge.

“Because Marge, this horse is brain damaged!” said Homer.

The horse head butted the wall repeatedly.

“Homer it’s breaking the dry wall! We can’t keep a brain damaged horse...” said Marge.

“Oh come on! It would be fun! And Lisa always wanted a horse!” said Homer.

“I said I wanted a pony!” said Lisa. “And I’d want a healthy one...”

“Fine... we’ll keep the stupid horse...” said Marge sighing.

“Excellent Marge. Boy your more easy to persuade than Lois when Peter did this exact same thing...” said Homer.

In Family Guy.

“Lois let me have this brain damaged horse!” Peter demanded.

“No Peter! That’s ridiculous!” Lois yelled.

Peter punched her.

“Ow!”

“Let me have the friggin horse!” Peter yelled.

“No!” Lois Yelled.

Peter beat her violently.

Some time later he is under police escort in a hospital ward as Lois is unconscious.

“Well kids, your mother is in an ICU. (intensive care unit) and I’m doing five years for domestic assault and battery, but I got my horse...” said Peter to his children.

“Oscar that ruined version of family guy you made is horrible! I thought you hated Peter! Why are you helping him?!” Bart asked.

“I’m just letting everything run to its natural conclusion... Peter gets his own way, is hated by everyone even his own family... hopefully one day he dies horribly. Sooner than later thanks to my meddling...”” said Oscar.

“I’m not sure having a brain damaged horse is a good idea...” said Marge.

The brain damaged horse urinated on the floor.

“Okay now the horse is self conscious. Everyone pee on the floor!” said Homer.

“Homer no!” Marge nagged.

“Everybody pee... now...” said Homer aggressively.

“We’re an unusual family...” said Bart.

...

They were having breakfast one morning when the horse came in.

“Uh Homer... the horse is in here...” said Marge.

“Why is it staring? It’s so creepy!” said Lisa.

“I thought you loved Equines Lisa. There I got that one right. Unlike that time with Stampy...” said Homer.

“Dad the poor thing is brain damaged! Someone put the poor thing to sleep!” Lisa whined as the horse head butted the walls.

It then breathed on Oscar.

“Eeeeeeew! Teddy we’ve spoke about the creepy sniffing!” Oscar groaned.

“That was a Paul Sorvino gag!” said Stewie from somewhere.

“I have no idea who that is Stewie...” said Oscar eating his cereal as the horse sniffed him.

“Hey horsy, want a sugar cube...” Bart smirked as he put a sugar cube on Oscar’s head.

“No Bart don’t!” Oscar whined. The horse sucked his head. “Eeeeeeew! Eeeeeeeew!” Oscar groaned.

“What are we gonna do with a brain damaged horse?” Hugo asked.

“Well I don’t want to ride that poor thing.” said Lisa.

“We could eat it.” said Marge. Everyone stared at her grossed out. “What? My family are french! Horse meat is a delicacy in France!”

“Eeeeeeew!” said everyone.

“We could race him.” said Homer.

“I don’t think that’s such a great idea.” said Marge.

In a cutaway the Griffins took their brain damaged horse to the derby.

“Wow! It even runs messed up!” said Meg. The horse galloped in a retarded manner.

Then it caused a horrible accident when it ran straight into the stands. Killing and seriously wounding people. Including several mute people the commentator commented were using sign language to convey cries of agony.

“And the horse is back...”

There is a horrid crash.

“Oh my god! My baby’s dead!!” A woman screamed.

“That universe is horrible...” said Bart getting to get some milk.

“Oh and be careful. Some of that milk isn’t milk. It’s horse sperm. I’m breeding the horse.” said Homer.

“Eeeeeew!” said Bart.

Oscar stopped eating his cereal then ate it slowly like Stewie was.

...

The family watched TV when the horse head butted the walls again.

“Dad that thing has to go...” said Lisa.

“No!” said Homer refusing.

“Homer you have a thing for mentally handicapped animals... remember that handicapped whale we adopted....” said Marge.

At sea world everyone in Springfield watched a whale leap in and out of the water.

Everyone cheered.

“Hi everyone!” said a cartoon handicapped whale wearing a diaper as it jumped out of the water.

“Awwwww! The whale is wearing a diapee!” said Oscar.

The next day they took the horse to race it and bet on it.

”Homer no! That’s a very bad idea!” said Marge.

”Ugh... Peter doesn’t have this problem with Lois. Peter don’t do this! Don’t do that. I really don’t think that’s a good idea Peter...”

Peter Griffin was violently beating up Lois because she wouldn’t let him be moronically stupid for the episode.

”Oz! Enough!” Bart yelled.

”Well The one thing you yanks get right, is letting people dress casual at the horse racing.” said Oscar ignoring Bart as they watched the horses dressed in their usual attire.

”Good heavens! Look at those barbarians!” A posh lady dressed at her finest for the derby screamed while looking at the Simpsons and Oscar through her opera binoculars.

”Uh you can’t be here dressed like that...” said Squeaky voiced Teen. The handicapped whale wearing a diaper slapped him with his fin. “Never mind...”

The horses were put in their stalls ready to race. They were guided there by evil jockeys that think they’re elves that live in a fantasy land with a chocolate river.

”Hi there little fella! Mmmmmmhmmmhmmm!” Mr Herbert the pervert giggled pervertedly.

”Sir, I am 42 years old...” said the jockey.

”This whole place is a mindfuck!” Mr Herbert said annoyed.

”Look! There’s Dad’s horse!” said Bart.

”And they’re off!” said the commentator as the horses were released. They raced round the track with jockeys riding them.

”Wow! It even runs messed up!” said Lisa.

The horse ran in a retarded manner having a stroke constantly.

Then the horse ran into the stands causing carnage. Then Family Guy’s writers thought it would be hilarious to make note one of the stands had deaf people in it and that a woman horrifically screaming that her baby had been killed was hilarious. Shame on you Seth. Your humour is so dark and edgy it’s attracting goths...

...

At home.

“Oh um... the horse has died...” said Homer. The horse had suddenly died.

Everyone gasped and went to check on it.

“Looks like it died of a heart attack...” said Lisa.

“Well I guess we can stop flogging this dead horse now.” said Oscar.

Everyone went silent with crickets chirping.

“Oz get out...” said Bart not finding his joke funny.

A day later.

“Homer did you get rid of the horse properly in an ethical manner...” asked Marge.

“Um yes...” Homer lied. He actually catapulted it into Jurkle’s father’s pharmacy. The dead horse smashed up everything.

“Oh dear!” said Jurkle’s Dad.

“Well that’s a shame. But I had a lot of fun annoying everyone with dead horse jokes.” said Oscar.

At the school cafeteria.

“For the last time Edna! The school does not have the budget for proper reading and teaching materials...” said Skinner.

Oscar riding a mini forklift dumped the dead horse on the cafeteria floor.

“Fine! You win Edna! But if the school goes bankrupt!”

Then in Fat Tony’s bedroom one night.

“Ah... Mamma Mia! I’m tired...” said Fat Tony going to bed. Then he screamed because there was a dead horse in his bed.

“What is it boss?!” asked Curly the high pitch voiced mobster. “Oh my god! A dead horse!”

“A whole dead horse!” said Legs. “That’s even worse than just a head! Who did you upset Fat Tony?” Legs asked Fat Tony.

“Nobody! Just get rid of this thing!” said Fat Tony.

...

“Well, it’s a shame really that the horse was too sick to ride because I have just the right frame to be a jockey.” said Bart.

“Aren’t jockeys evil in this universe?” Oscar asked.

“That’s just a silly urban legend...” said Bart.

“Well unfortunately you can’t Boy.” said Homer. “And besides those race tracks look so expensive!”

Suddenly the police were at the door. Homer answered to a very cross Wiggum.

“Homer you have been charged with unlawful dumping of an equine and will full destruction and vandalism of this man’s property!” said Wiggum as Jurkle’s Dad stood outside glaring at Homer.

“Homer! What did you do to Jurkle and his family?!” Oscar yelled.

“I threw a horse through his shop... I didn’t know he’d be upset about it!” Homer whined.

“You threw a horse through his window! Of course he’d be upset!” Oscar yelled. “That’s the exact idiotic behaviour I’d expect from Peter Griffin! Not you!”

“Officer how much does my husband owe?” Marge asked.

“One hundred thousand dollars!” said Wiggum.

The Simpsons gasped.

The handicapped whale fell on Wiggum’s car.

“Hi!” said the diaper wearing whale.

“And the cost of that police car...” said Wiggum.

Plot 2[edit | edit source]

In the kitchen one morning Marge was not happy with Homer. She was pacing up and down. “In debt again! To the tune of a hundred thousand dollars!”

“And the cost of a police car...” said Lisa.

“Now now... I can always ask Mr Burns for a raise...” said Homer.

We cut to Homer being dragged out of Mr Burns’s office by Crusher and Lowblow.

“I’ll take that as a no...” said Homer as he was dragged out.

“Homer you have to do something... I can always-“ said Marge.

“Oh! Science guinea pig!” said Homer.

“No dad... remember what happened last time?! When they removed your Brain crayon and you became super intelligent but miserable?” said Lisa.

“Only because you geniuses have to ruin religion and movies for people!” said Oscar.

There was a cutaway of Oscar and Hugo watching a movie in the cinema.

“She’s his sister...” said Hugo bored.

Everyone yelled at him.

“What?! It is plain obvious! You don’t need an IQ of 200 to know that!” Hugo yelled.

“Hugo shut up and stop ruining the movie for everyone!” Oscar yelled.

Everyone cheered Oscar and Hugo in a strop sat quietly.

“And stop trying to convert that Christian guy in front to atheism by scientifically disproving God! Logic and personally seeing with our own eyes there is plenty of evidence that the supernatural exists!”

“Oz whenever that stuff happens it is not supposed to be canon! It’s a dream sequence or a Halloween episode!” Hugo yelled back.

“Well I’m taking this guinea pig job.” said Homer. “It pays well, and what could possibly go wrong?!”

...

Homer went back to the lab where he got his brain crayon removed. However this time Frink was here.

“Great Glavin glavinoid! Is this him?!” Frink asked the scientists.

“Yes Frink. This is the crayon in his brain Guy...” said the lady scientist.

“I want to be a human guinea pig again...” said Homer.

The scientists gasp.

“Why that’s wonderful! Flavin! Zorp! Ahem sorry. Human guinea pigs are my favourite kid of people! Apart from actual guinea pigs... oh they’re so small and cuddly and squeaky and the eating vegetables and holy crud! Giant ones in South Park!” said Frink.

Homer was disturbed by his insane rambling.

“Right this way sir!” said Frink welcoming him in.

Homer sat in a small lab.

“This here is Squirrel DNA. The effects should be obvious.” said Frink.

He injected Homer with Squirrel DNA. Immediately Homer grew a big bushy tail, pointy squirrel ears, big buck teeth, whiskers and a big wet shiny black nose. He twitched his nose and when Frink offered him a giant acorn he chattered and squeaked and took it in his mouth and went somewhere. Homer was in the background on a power line nibbling an acorn.

Some time later.

“This is Seth Rogan DNA. If I’m correct it will make you extremely funny!” said Frink. He injected Homer.

Homer turned into Seth Rogan. “Okay Doc are we gonna be long? Because I have to get home to my wife and family.” said Seth Rogan.

Frink laughed hysterically.

“Oh god stop! Hahahahaha! No! Stop! Hahahahaha! You’re hilarious! Oh!” Frink was laughing hysterically at Homer.

“And now for our final test. I believe we have finally isolated the gay gene. If correct it proves homosexuality is genetic and not choice.

“Wait! I don’t want to take a chance being Gay! I’m extremely homophobic!” said Homer.

“I thought your wife cured you?” said Frink.

“No she suppressed it. I still blurt out things at gay people sometimes.” said Homer.

“How about for an extra fifty dollars?” Frink asked.

“Of course! Wow! You’re more persuasive than James Bond!” said Homer.

James Bond had just killed Jaws.

“Now let get down to some unfinished business...” said James Bond.

“No James!” said a woman.

“Yesh! You are going to have Shex with me!” said James Bond.

“No James! I don’t want to!” said the lady.

“Yes you do!”

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do!”

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do!” James Bond said aggressively.

“Okay James.” The lady relented.

“See? Fifty no’s and a yesh means yesh!” said James Bond to the audience.

...

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