Holidays of Future Passed After thanksgiving and embarrassing Christmas photos. Marge says the kids will cherish these times when they have kids, but Bart and Lisa do not want any kids. However, the future shows that they will have kids and again, Bart’s future is grim. Introducing Kirk and Picard Simpson, Bart’s sons. And Jenda moves on from him to an alien life form called Jerry.
The title gag is Kang or Kodos as Santa riding a sleigh pulled by reindeer.
The titles are Christmas themed again, with snow, characters dressed as Christmas elves or their winter clothes, Lil Larry Newell from Shelbyville knocking Bart off his snowboard etc.
The billboard gag is “Bah Humbug! And Happy Hanukkah! Christmas ignorers united.” With pictures of Mr Burns and Rabbi Krustofski.
The chalkboard gag is “cafeteria trays are not toboggans”
The couch gag is the Simpsons as gingerbread men lay on a plate. Gingerbread Homer eats his left arm. The TV is decorated with Christmas decorations and the Christmas presents.
The episode starts with the Simpsons finishing Thanksgiving dinner. Bart is very full and fat with his plump belly sticking out. He groans.
Lisa groans and takes off her pearl necklace.
Hugo wearing a green Christmas sweater groans with food stains down his sweater.
Maggie with a fat tummy belches and takes off her diaper.
Eric is sleeping in his food.
Homer gets up from under the table groaning and holding his head. “Oooooooh no more turkey... I could not eat another bite... and I had to eat what we’d serve Lisa...” Homer groaned. “Oh! Marge! Got any more ham?”
Spider Pig bursted into tears and sort of sobbed in pig oinks.
“Daaaaaad! You’ve hurt Spider Pig’s feelings, considering him as food!” Lisa yelled.
“So?” Homer asked.
“So?! He’s your pet! And you’ve upset him!” Lisa replied.
“Narrator stop fan boying over Spider Pig!” Homer groaned.
Oscar full and tired from eating sung the spider man song but for Spider Pig.
Marge came in. But she had no ham. “I officially declare this thanksgiving dinner over! Which means we can start the next holiday, which is Christmas with...”
“Aaaaaaaagh! Christmas photos!” The Simpsons and Oscar screamed.
“Yep!” said Marge.
Everyone reluctantly went to the living room.
Marge found Abe sleeping with a beard of mashed potato like a certain jolly fat man in red. Hohoho! She sat Abe upright and put a Santa hat on him.
He woke up and saw his reflection in his plate. “Oooooh! I’m Santa?! Oooooooh... now I’ll never die!” He whined.
The Simpsons sat on the overcrowded couch.
“Oof! This is why canon characters only on the couch gag!” Homer groaned squashed up by all the kids on the couch squabbling. Particularly Bart and Lisa as they were too close to each other.
Marge sighed. “Fine... Couchus, slouchus!” With her wand she casted a spell and the couch got longer until there was room for everyone to sit comfortably.
Marge adjusted and fussed over everyone. She put bells in Lisa’s hair and a Christmas scarf on Bart. Bart pulled the scarf down because it was too high on him.
Oscar laughed at his predicament.
“Mom... can’t we just send out pictures of the pets dressed like reindeer again?” Bart groaned and adjusted his green and red Christmas scarf.
“No we tried that last year.” said Marge. She showed a funny picture of Homer fighting with the cat and dog to wear antlers and pose for a photo.
“D’oh!” Homer grunted.
“Who cares what we look like? In whatever stupid year we’re in?!” Bart questioned rudely.
“You’ll understand one day when you have kids of your own.” said Marge.
“Um.... who says we’re gonna have kids of our own?” Lisa asked.
“Not me man! This cycle of jerks has to end!” said Bart.
“Are we done yet?” Homer asked as Marge prepped the camera. “It’s a wonderful life is on! I wonder what my life would have been like if I had never seen that movie...”
“Just look happy!” Marge said flustered it’s their whining as she hurried to the couch to sit with them and picked up Maggie who she thought would look cute sat in a giant Christmas stocking and sat down posing with the family for the Christmas photos. The cat yowled or screeched probably because someone sat on her.
The song Just hear those sleigh bells jingling was sung over Christmas photos over the years as the Simpsons grew up. There were funny moments throughout the years such as Lisa going back to her goth phase, Maggie becoming a rock star with increasingly zany stage outfits, Lisa marrying Milhouse then dumping him for a woman. Then the kids one by one growing up and leaving house. Except Bart who mooched and grew a stubble until Homer had enough and kicked him out. Then this aligns with the future timeline of the Eric fan art as very old Marge and Homer now just live with kid Eric.
Springfield in the future.
Bart lives at the school in one of the classrooms. He wakes up and makes himself a coffee and watches a hologram of the Itchy and Scratchy.
“They fight! They fight!” Plays the theme tune.
“Meh...” Bart turns off the hologram.
Skinner comes in.
“Bart you’re two weeks late on the rent! Not to mention late on that geography assignment from 30 years ago!” said Skinner.
“Don’t worry. I’ve got some buyers coming round to look over my good kidney. They grow back, right?” Bart explained lifting up his shirt. On his stomach written in black sharpie was “The Good one” and pointing to Bart’s scar where he was once attached to his Siamese twin brother Hugo.
“Omg! Hugo reference!” said Oscar.
“Get to class Oscar and stop bothering Mr Simpson!” said Skinner to Oscar. “Bart, enough of your phoney excuses! Just get me that rent or you’re expelled!”
“You mean evicted.” Bart replied.
Skinner left annoyed.
Bart was getting himself a beer from his ice box when a computerised female voice spoke. “Transportation pad receiving.”
“Now what?” Bart asked annoyed.
Two small Barts arrived. “Mooooom! Please don’t make us go to Dad’s! It smells like dog but there’s no dog!”
“Boys, you know I can hear anything said during cross phase...” Bart sighed to his sons Picard and Kirk Simpson. Yes he named them that until Simpson Wiki retconned them to Skippy and Jiff. But in this timeline it’s Picard and Kirk.
“Anyway why are you boys here?” Bart asked.
“Mom says you have to look after us over the holidays!” said the smaller Bart, Kirk Simpson. He was wearing a grey suit and big black, nerdy glasses like his Dad’s during his nerd phase in The Last Temptation of Homer.
“Yeah she says you need to start acting more like a Dad, Dad!” said Picard/Skippy. He was the older brother. He was wearing a red cardigan like Alvin Woosterfield, Simon’s naughty brother. His spikes were combed down to one side.
“This holiday is gonna suck!” Kirk Simpson whined.
“Oh on the contrary boys...” said Bart. Hehehehe! I’ll just dump them off at Mom and Dad’s house...
“Dad you do know we can hear thoughts now too...” said Kirk.
“Damnit!” Bart yelled.
At Lisa’s recycling themed house.
Lisa finally married Milhouse somehow.
“Yay!” Kid Milhouse cheered in a thought cloud.
Lisa lived with Milhouse who was even more asthmatic as he wheezed and gasped from just trying to walk across the kitchen.
Milhouse was suffering from an allergic reaction to the holidays. Apparently he’s allergic to snow, mistletoe, holly and the red part of Candy canes. His nose was red and swollen as he sneezed into a hanky.
“Elf bone marrow?” Oscar asked.
“Oz are you just popping up in all our scenes making silly references?! Don’t you have a history class to attend to?” Lisa sighed.
“I am.” said Oscar wearing his virtual reality helmet. “Right now I’m in a battle with Genghis Khan listening to him going on about killing and eating his enemies.”
Then Zia Simpson arrived. She looks just like Lisa except one of her starfish points is blue.
“So.... how was your maths test?” Lisa asked Zia.
“I’m fine mom... I’m going online.” said Zia. The teenager plugged herself into a laptop and fainted as her conscience went online.
“Ugh! How did my daughter end up like my brother?!” Lisa ranted.
“Don’t ask me, they picked out only the best genetic material! She didn’t get any of mine!” said Milhouse.
“Where did you think she got the genetics for blue hair sweetie?” Lisa comforted her sneezing husband.
“Obviously your mother’s recessive genes...” said Milhouse.
“Maybe Mom and Dad can help.” said Lisa.
“Yes. Go over to your mom and dad with Zia and I’ll go back to one of the non holiday states for the season.” said Milhouse.
“Well Michigan is still under sharia law.” said Lisa.
“Yeah but they always make me wear a burka...” said Milhouse showing a photograph of himself dressed as a very conservative Arab woman in full burka and veil.
“See this is why you should have let me genocided Bashir’s people! An eye for an eye!” Oscar ranted.
In England of the future.
There is now a cathedral dedicated to the Beatles called St. Beatles cathedral. Presumably they were canonised after the last Beatle died.
Big Ben’s clock tower is now a four stage rocket.
There are Daleks as police officers!
“Cooooool!” said Oscar.
“Littering is a capital crime! Punishment, extermination! Exterminate! Exterminate!” screeched the Dalek police.
And there were TARDISes flying about and a Benny Hilton hotel. A Dalek was chasing a woman in and out of the Benny Hilton as Benny Hill music played.
“Oh god no! It’s Helen Fielding!” Homer screamed.
Helen Fielding ran about as Benny Hill music played causing mayhem with a Dalek police officer and a man in a gorilla suit.
Oscar winced at this insanity.
Up in a British hospital. Maggie was pregnant. Yes Maggie...
She was in a British rock band now and Med Bots or medical robots do most of what a doctor or nurse used to do as the robot checked over Maggie. Unfortunately she would not be able to perform while pregnant or even make a sound.
Her band mates were disappointed in this news.
And the umbilical cord is now a vocal cord apparently.
The Med bot asked which of Maggie’s band mates were the father.
“We won’t say. Now let’s watch the football, which yanks call soccer.” The blond band mate put the soccer on.
At Marge and Homer’s house.
Marge and Homer are in bed one night.
“You are reading a children’s book, yet your profile says you are an adult. Is this an error?” His hologram book reader asks.
“Shut up...” Homer shuts off the device. This is the present, almost! People now buy kindles to read books!
Homer wanted to have sex, a few days time because that’s when his new penis arrives.
“Homer shhhhh! Eric can hear you!” Marge hushed him.
“I hear everything! And gross!” said Eric.
“Go to sleep boy!” Homer yelled.
Then Marge got emails.
“Maggie’s coming over from England after she has the baby! Bart’s coming over with the boys, Lisa’s bringing Zia! And Arkham Asylum has accepted Hugo’s holiday release from incarceration!” said Marge happy. Hugo got sent to Arkham because of his mad scientist shenanigans reached super villain levels. “The whole family is coming over!”
“I got a femail too! You have won a prize.” said Homer.
“No don’t open it! It’s a virus!” Marge warned.
“Too late!” Homer opened it. He had a spasm fit from the computer virus infecting him somehow.
Outside the Simpsons house one Christmas morning. Yeah I’m saying Christmas and not holiday. Go cry in your safe space snowflakes!
Kirk and Picard have made snowmen. The decorations were nice for once and not broken Christmas lights tangled up or falling down.
On the drive are four cars. Homer’s pink car. Marge’s orange car. A blue car and a white futuristic looking car that might be a hybrid.
Next door, Ruth had turned her house into a white futuristic mushroom house with a stairwell in the stalk and the living space in the cap.
“Um... Are you moving Ruth back in Narrator?” Bart asked at his old bedroom window.
Well either her or Walt Warren or Sideshow Bob with Walt’s face.
“Okay... I’ll be thankful it’s Ruth...” said Bart.
Inside. Lisa and Zia were upstairs. Lisa found her dad making tiny ships in bottles.
“Wow Dad! That’s amazing!” said Lisa. But the tiny ships weren’t sea vessels but tiny space craft like tiny Star Destroyers from Star Wars etc.
“Thanks sweetie. Ever since I had to stop drinking to receive a liver transplant this is the only thing to keep me sane.” said Homer making tiny ships in bottles. “For some reason The blond dad of Bart’s four palmkateers/sword scar friends now wants to hang out with me...”
“Hey Homer, how’s sobriety and making those ships in bottles going? Ooooooh that’s a good one!” said the blond dad of Bart’s kindergarten friends he reunited with because of his sword scar.
“You should have offered your friendship to me regardless of my hobbies or whether I drink or not!” Homer snapped at the hologram of his new friend.
Homer switched off the hologram Skype and let his latest ship in a bottle model float to the ceiling of a bedroom he was in. “Grrrrrr! Everyone of you bottles reminds me of the sweet, sweet Duff I’m missing!”
Downstairs in the living room Bart and his sons were putting lights on the Christmas tree but they were tangled up.
“You’d think they’ve already invented something to untangle Christmas lights by now...” said Bart.
“Mom’s boyfriend is great at untangling things!” said Kirk/Jiff.
“Well maybe Mommy can marry him then...” said Bart bitter.
“She did!” said Picard but Kirk hand gagged him.
“We weren’t supposed to tell Skippy!” said Kirk.
“Awwwwww! She remarried?! We agreed to give each other space for me to improve my life and make her proud...” Bart whined.
“Dad you live in your old school...” Kirk sighed.
Bart lied on the couch depressed.
Homer came in.
“Dad look after the boys for a bit. I’m going to Moe’s.” said Bart. “Jenda remarried and now I’m depressed.”
“Oh thanks for spending time with us Dad!” Kirk ranted.
“You suck!” said Picard.
“Why you!” Bart snapped but stopped himself. “No. I ain’t ending up like you Dad, lashing out at my kids every time they’re rude to me. Boys apologise at once!”
“Why should they? You’re as bad a father as I was! Even worse!” said Homer.
“Unlikely! Jenda divorced me after we only had two kids so I can’t have any more unless I get back with her of find another girlfriend. And I never locked Kirk or Picard up in the attic and starved them!” said Bart.
“Get off my back about that! And I thought you hated the freak!” said Homer.
“Dad he has a name, Hugo. And how you treated him is probably why he turned out to be a psychopath...” said Bart.
“Grrrrr! Just for that no! Look after your own kids! Oh! I could smash up my stupid ships in bottles just for a beer!” Homer would not take Kirk and Picard out.
“Kids go and play with your uncle Eric...” said Bart.
Eric sighed. “Come on... I’ve got the latest video games for Christmas.“ Kirk and Picard followed the blue haired boy upstairs.
“Ugh.... I need to get a new bird... but how...?” Bart sighed.
“Well that’s a hunkydory of a question Bart! You see after Homer accidentally killed Edna I married Maude’s ghost!” said Ned. He married his first wife’s ghost...
“Neddy there is no heaven... on,y a black empty void...” said Maude.
Ned chuckled “Oh Maude you’re still just as pretty as when you were alive!”
“How can my Dad accidentally kill both your wives?! And that is so cliched to repeat that storyline... Ay carumba...” said Bart.
“Holy crud! A ghost!” Oscar screamed. He ran off and returned wearing a Ghostbusters proton pack. He threw out a ghost trap and trapped Maude with it.
“Maude!” Ned cried.
At the teleported room of the airport.
“Ma’am you shouldn’t really teleport while pregnant. I’m afraid your only option is air travel.” said a gate manager at the departure gates.
Air travel on planes is now managed not by professional trained pilots and air crew but by Mad Max characters with Mad Max cobbled together planes with flames and skulls painted on them. Coooool!
“What a day! What a lovely day!” That Guy with goggles yelled who was in Mad Max Fury Road.
“Ah... when you get sacked from your own franchise and it carries on without you because you decided to be racist...” said Maggie voiced by Jodie Foster.
She got on the Mad Max plane.
At the Simpsons house Lisa was drinking tea in the kitchen while her daughter Zia was on her laptop and Marge was baking.
Marge got out from the cookie jar a instant just add water capsule and laid it on the dough board and dropped some water on the capsule. It morphed into a generous amount of chocolate chip cookies.
“Gee, these instant food capsules really take the fun out of baking...” Marge sighed.
“Zia, want to go to a concert and see the remaining 60 percent of Cher after that horrible matter transporter accident?” Lisa asked Zia.
“No.... I’d rather go on Facebook...” Zia plugged herself into her laptop again and went unconscious
“Grrrrrr! I miss when it was legal to strangle your own kids...” Lisa sighed.
“It was never legal! That’s why I got your dad incarcerated for thirty years in prison after I got fed up with him throttling poor Bart!” Oscar ranted.
“Shaddup...” Lisa sighed.
And that’s the end of act I!
The present, thanksgiving evening.
“Okay... that raises so many questions...” said Bart.
“Such as...” Homer asked as they played board games.
“Why would I name my children after Captain Kirk and Captain Picard?!” Bart asked.
“Star Trek became mainstream in the future. It’s no longer geeky...” said Oscar.
“How is Eric still a kid?” Lisa asked.
“How is a Maggie still a baby?” Oscar asked.
“Ah touché.” Lisa sighed.
“Plus the fan art depicts Eric as a kid in the future.” said Oscar.
“Anyway I think it’s time we let the story continue...” said Marge.
In the future. The lounge.
“Cheer up boys. Let me tell you the story behind the scar on my torso...” said Bart to his sons, Kirk and Picard.
“That time on Halloween when there was story where you were a Siamese twin attached to Uncle Hugo?” Picard asked.
“Unky Hugo is weird... and when he’s not weird he’s boring like Aunt Lisa and reads books...” said Kirk Simpson.
Hugo sighed annoyed as he read a book.
“No wonder you haven’t got laid, Hugo. Even Lisa’s married...” said Bart.
“Unlike Lisa I don’t have a cringeworthy girl with braces or allergies having a mad crush on me...” said Hugo.
In the kitchen.
Marge was using a laser cutter to cut up tiny Christmas tree cookies and for the boys, bloody spear head cookies.
“Oh sweetie that’s no longer illegal ever since they made Homer’s law.” Marge and Lisa were talking about something that was now illegal.
“Marge, laws named after someone are named after the victim and not the vindicator...” said Oscar eating a chocolate chip cookie. “And they’re always named after girls...”
(See anti Pedophile laws.)
Lisa noticed her daughter was still plugged into the internet. “Grrrrrr! My daughter thinks I’m some sort of tyrant! Like Adolf Hitler or Prince Harry!”
“Hey! You will not slander his majesty like that!” Oscar yelled.
“Oz, he forcefully exiled everyone from Britain except the ginger haired people and married Megan Markle!” said Lisa.
“And...” said Oscar.
Marge sighed at their bickering and put down the Christmas tree shaped laser cutter. But it activated and cut a Christmas tree shaped hole in her blue hair.
In the Mad Max plane. A guy climbs on the plane to talk to one of the Mad Max warriors. “Can I have some more wet towels?” the man politely asked.
The Mad Max desert warrior who probably drives a weaponised car shot him with a shotgun and laughed as he piloted the plane from its roof.
Inside a punk girl with purple hair handed out refreshments. “Suicide pill, some meat in a bag. Sandwiches with nothing in them. Congealed airline food...”
“Oh! Do you have any dog food?” A man sat next to Maggie asked.
The purple haired lady was about to serve him some dog food.
“Oh can I have the whole can?” The man asked.
The purple haired lady annoyed plonked the can of dog food on his food tray.
Maggie sighed as the man ate dog food. She rubbed her pregnant belly as her baby rested inside of her.
In the Simpsons house lounge.
Homer arrived dressed as a snowman. He was wearing a top hat and scarf smoking a pipe and eating a carrot.
“Grampa are you building a snow man outside?” Kirk and Picard asked joyfully.
“No, no boys... I just like to dress up as a snowman and smoke my pipe while eating carrots...” said Homer smoking a pipe and eating a carrot.
“Dad... play outside making snowmen with my boys... be a Grampa...” said Bart.
“No! You be a Dad!” said Homer.
“Yeah!” said Kirk and Picard annoyed
“Ugh... fine... boys, remember last summer when we were super heroes and we went with my friend Milhouse to Big Town to help Cleto-Man defeat the evil Dr Caligarus?” said Bart.
“No because you just made that up...” said Picard rolling his eyes.
“If it’s on the wiki it happened...” said Oscar.
Cletus the slack jawed yokel as Cleto-Man, a costumed super hero in a cape arrived. “Daaaaah... super villains gone took my sorghum!” Cleto-Man jabbered while drinking moonshine.
The Simpsons sighed.
“Kids! Cookies are ready!” said Marge.
Rejoining up with the canon ending of the scene where Marge accidentally laser cuts a Christmas tree shaped hole in her hair due to my expanded canon. Marge is serving cookies, Lisa is sat at the kitchen table with Zia who is still unconscious hooked up to the Internet.
Kirk, Picard, their uncle Eric and their godfather Oscar ran in giggling because they’re kids and ate some cookies.
Bart then comes in to speak to his mom.
“Why is no one listening to me?! My daughter thinks I’m a ruthless tyrant!” Lisa ranted. “Like Hitler or Prince Harry!”
“Ahhhhh.... Bloody Harry... he brought back beheading in a good way...” said Bart.
“No he did not! And my people would not allow the monarchy to overthrow the government!” Oscar ranted.
“Okay okay... I’ll take your boys round the park....” said Homer to Bart. He sighed in defeat.
“Yay! Grampa is better than Dad!” Kirk and Picard cheered.
“I wish I could say the same about my Grampa.” said Bart. “But he was as mad as a fruit loop and made up silly stories. And now he’s in a cryogenic sleep chamber to keep him alive.”
“Yeah ever since they outlawed death we’ve had to freeze our poor old folks...” said Homer taking Kirk and Picard to the park.
Homer took Kirk and Picard round the park.
“Wow... the park... lame! I’m taking Eric and Oscar down town...” said Hugo as Homer left with Bart’s kids.
“Isn’t that place extremely dangerous?!” Lisa asked.
“Nah I’ll just wear my invisibility cloak!” said Hugo looking in a closet. It was empty except hangers. “Uh oh...”
The song breaking the law played as Hugo, Eric and Oscar went to the Kwik e Mart where it was now terrorised by Cyber Snake as a Robocop cyborg with chain gun arms! Cooooool!
Cyber Snake gunned down the shop but Apu and his octuplets retaliated with laser guns! Double cooooool!
“Help me my octuplets!” Apu yelled as his children fired back at Cyber Snake with guns.
“Cooooool beans!” Oscar cooed as Hugo shielded him as they cowered from the high octane gun battle and collected the squishee leaking out of the bullet hole ridden squishee machine in squishee cups before fleeing.
Homer then came in with Kirk and Picard Simpson and they cowered in a corner by the Squishee machine and helped themselves to the green Squishee leaking out of it from the bullet holes from the high octane gun fight. Homer turned round and saw two tanks of flavoured drink, possibly spare flavours of Squishee for when the days Squishee is all gone. Homer saw the flavours were lemon and cherry.
”Ewwwwww! Lemon.... Aaaaaaaaaaagh! Cherry!” He screamed because he disliked lemon and cherry flavoured things.
Then Homer with a Kirk and Picard threw a rock through Mr Burns’s window.
“Smithers! Release the hounds!” said Mr Burns.
Smithers got out a box and spilt dog bones and skulls on the floor. “The hounds died of old age Simpsons.” said Smithers.
Homer laughed at him.
Meanwhile at the first church of Lard Lad. Mmmmmm! Holy donuts.... (drools) and next door was a skyscraper belonging to Howard’s flowers. Suddenly mutant blue roses and vines bursted out of the skyscraper screeching alien monster noises.
“Enough of the blue rose monster...” Bart sighed as he drank hooch.
Meanwhile Pregnant Maggie was being driven home in a taxi by Kerney.
“Hey! Didn’t I go to jail with your brother?” Kerney asked Maggie.
Then she cried as she went into labour. “Personally I’d prefer if she went into conservative...” said Oscar.
“Not funny Oz...” Maggie cried from labour pains.
“Taxi, to the hospital!” said Kerney. The hover taxi flew to the hospital.
As it flew threw town, Bart as Bartman with Milhouse as his Robin and Cleto-Man were fighting the evil Dr Caligarus. (Gary Chalmers as a supervillain.)
“Skiiiiiinnnnneeeeer! Help me defeat these obnoxious costumed superheroes!” said Dr Caligarus.
That evening in the backyard of the Simpsons house. Lisa is looking at the constellation commercials. Yes science and corporate marketing somehow made constellations as commercial slogans in the sky. Lisa drank wine.
“Bart can I come up?” Lisa asked up to Bart’s treehouse. He lowered a rope and she climbed up.
“My daughter thinks I’m a bad mother.” said Lisa drunk.
“My boys think I’m a bad father.” said Bart.
In Bart’s old room Homer is playing with Kirk and Picard Simpson. They are wearing cute blue sleeper pyjamas/Feety pyjamas. Homer shrinks them with a shrink ray and they giggle in high pitched voices and climb into a Lego spaceship and fly about in it before it explodes into a spray of Lego pieces everywhere and they return to normal size giggling. That’s a very odd game...
“Oh yeah? Guess who took Zia’s side? Marjorie Bouvier...” said Lisa. “She told me to relax and bake cookies...”
“And did you?” Bart asked.
“Yes and they were the most delicious cookies ever.” Lisa said drunk. XD
They continued to talk. In Bart’s room Homer tucks Kirk and Picard in Bart’s ole bed and kisses them goodnight. The curious bear cub sniffs them with his big wet shiny green nose.
“Hey you turned out alright despite Mom.” said Bart to Lisa.
“You mean it?!” Lisa asked.
“Sure! I actually wanted to turn out like you!” said Bart. “The genius part, not the being a girl part...” said Bart.
“Aaaaaaw! That’s so sweet!” said Lisa hugging him.
They decided to get down from the treehouse.
“How do we get down again?” Lisa asked.
Bart tapped the side of his treehouse. The tree suddenly had a face and lowered the treehouse down to the ground so they could get out.
“Our secret of speech has laid dormant for thousands of years. Then one pine tree had to open his fat sappy mouth...” said the tree in a deep voice.
“Uh okay Uncle Oak tree...” said Young Link wincing.
“Back in position...” said Bart to the tree. It grumbled and stood up straight.
Up in Bart’s room the curious bear cub shrunk Kirk and Picard Simpson with the shrink ray and grabbed the tiny boys. He grinned at them deviously.
Young Link made himself sick drinking from Bart’s wine box he left in his treehouse. Young Link groaned as he clutched his stomach and stumbled towards a tree.
“Link, if you throw up on me, I’ll swear I’ll fling you!” said a tree with a face with a Crazy Old Jewish Man voice. “Oy Vey!”
Young Link gulped and swallowed his puke deciding to go and find somewhere else to puke than one of his adopted tree uncles.
Lisa woke up Marge to say she loved her and hugged her. Awwwww! They made up!
“Awwwwww! Thanks sweetie! But can’t it wait until morning?” said Marge.
In Bart’s room, Bart was with his sons Kirk and Picard. Still in those cute blue sleeper pyjamas. Awwwww!
“Hey kids, wanna watch Krusty?” Bart asked them.
“Who’s Krusty?” Kirk asked still pronouncing his Rs as Ws.
“Only the funniest clown there is!” said Bart. He clapped to turn on the TV.
On the TV Krusty was doing a documentary about fax machines.
“Ay carumba....” Bart groaned.
At the hospital.
“Sorry we have no room at the inn, I mean inpatients ward.” said the receptionist. Mmmmm... holy birth...
“Ma’am this is Maggie Simpson! She just performed at a concert bin China!” said Kerney.
“An eastern star...” more Jesus references! “Well we may have a small room in the manger, I mean Manger wing!” said the receptionist.
“Okay enough!” Jesus yelled.
The next day in the lounge.
Bart and Lisa are in the lounge for some reason.
“Where’s the kids?” Marge asked her kids.
“Well I know where mine is?” said Lisa pointing to the kitchen doorway where Zia was at the kitchen table asleep and still plugged into the internet.
“Dad took the boys out.” said Hugo performing a science experiment with a vial of green glowing stuff and pouring it between vials.
“That does it! How can that man be such a cool granddad and such a terrible Dad!” Bart ranted and stormed off.
“Your father made a lot of mistakes and now he’s making it up to you!” said Marge.
“No, he just likes my kids better than me!” said Bart.
Marge sighed. “Anyway your aunts Patty and Selma are coming round with their sex robots to help decorate!” said Marge.
Patty and Selma arrived with robots.
“Make me a Bloody Mary, sugar...” said Selma to her love robot.
“No Selma. Even though I am a robot programmed to love, I cannot love you! Now I am leaving you to be with Patty’s fem bot!” said the man bot from AI Artificial Intelligence as he left with Patty’s love bot.
Patty and Selma hmmmmphed annoyed.
“Well since you’re referencing AI Artificial Intelligence, I’m back!” said David the robot Boy from Treehouse of Horror XVI. “I See dead people...”
Bart ran in and clobbered David the robot boy with a sledgehammer.
In a surgery room Maggie was about to give birth with Dr Hibbert wearing that visor Geordi La Forge from Star Trek: TNG wears performing the birth.
“Dr shouldn’t you administer an epidural?” The nurse asked.
“A hehehehe! No a new more effective method has been discovered!” said Dr Hibbert, chuckling. He put a red pacifier in Maggie’s mouth and she sucked it relieved.
Meanwhile at Apu and Manjula’s. Despite that not being a thing yet in my canon except during Apu’s dream. His mom got deported in my fanon.
“It is so wonderful to meet the octuplet’s octuplets!” said Marge. Each octuplet had octuplets.... sweet Shiva! Why?!
Marge got a text. “Oh my! Maggie’s giving birth!”
“Oh great... another grandchild... how wonderful for you...” Apu said sarcastically.
“Be careful how you shut the door!” said Manjula.
Marge shut the door softly. The babies heard that and immediately cried!
“Oh Ganesh! No!” Apu cried.
A cow came in mooing.
“Oh Sanjay! Why didn’t that jerky truck run me over! Why?!” Apu cried as he spoke to the cow, lamenting.
“(I am not Sanjay! I am a mongoose that died six hundred years ago!)” said the cow in mooing sounds.
Lisa was worrying about Zia. “Hands off... hands off...” said Lisa pacing up and down the kitchen as Zia slept.
Zia had microchip lines and neon in her drool.
“Ah screw it! There is a time a mother needs to butt in!” said Lisa sitting down.
“Lisa.” said Marge carrying a balloon that couldn’t decide the gender of the baby as whether it was a boy or a girl. Along with other gifts in baskets.
“Butt out!” Lisa said rudely. Marge sighed and left. “I am going to save my daughter by going into the ultra net!” Cooool! She plugged herself in and went to sleep.
Lisa’s soul was in the Internet. She saw various other people whizzing about a virtual city.
Suddenly a building appeared with pictures of all her school friends and college friends on it.
“Lisa Simpson. All these people want to friend you on Facebook!” boomed a voice.
End of act II!
“Coooooool! I can’t wait for act III!” said Bart in the present.
“Can Oscar stop adding filler...” Lisa sighed.
“Never!” said Oscar. “And I haven’t added that much!”
In the Internet Lisa tried ignoring the friend requests one at a time.
“Oooooh! Martin Prince is now Martina?” said Lisa. “Ignore...”
“Right that’s it! Now no one can whine at me for making Minnie Mouse jokes about him or should I say her!” said Oscar riding a Tron Lightcycle.
“Oz be useful and help me get to the Google door.” said Lisa.
“Fine... hop on...” Oscar have her a ride.
They got to a door with Google’s logo on it. “Ah... Dr Seuss’s birthday...” Lisa sighed.
“Hehehe! Dr Seuss...” Oscar laughed.
They both went in the Google door.
“Google, you may have enslaved the world. But you’re still a brilliant search engine...” said Lisa typing at a computer in the ultra net realm.
All the doors were whittled down to one.
“Bingo!” said Lisa. Two doors for bingo websites or bingo related search results appeared. “Aaaaaargh!” Lisa growled frustrated. A door labelled Arrrrrrgh! appeared. Lisa swatted the doors out of the way to get to Zia’s door. “Now to go from one kind of parent to another...”
Downstairs at another terminal Oscar was typing away. All the doors for him whittled down to a green door with the Monsters Inc logo on it. He went up to the door and knocked. Sully (James P Sullivan) answered.
“What?” Sully the monster asked.
“Well since the Simpsons think the Internet is hundreds of doors, I wanted to make a Monsters Inc reference...” said Oscar.
Bart was driving about a rough neighbourhood in his blue car with red fuzzy dice. “Come on Homer... where did you take the boys...”
He passed District 9. A horrible flaming wasteland based on that film District 9. Except Jerry the alien’s people live there.
Then he passed district 10. Which is far more upperclass with Jerry the alien’s kind playing croquet.
Then the cops chased him.
“Awwwww.... Chief Wiggum...”
However the Chief was now, Ralph Wiggum! “Hi Bart!” said Ralph.
“Didn’t you die?” Bart asked.
“I cloned myself!” said Ralph. Then he accidentally shot himself in the head with his gun, Bart was horrified.
However another Ralph clone arrived. “What’s going on here?”
Bart drove away in a hurry.
“Hey! Stop!” Ralph clone yelled but a truck ran him over.
“Hehehe! That clone was stupid!” said a trucker Ralph clone. He crashed his truck into a wall and it blew up. Ralph clones climbed out of the burning wreckage and ran about screaming and on fire.
Bart arrived at Moe’s. He bursted into laughter when he saw chalk outlines on the floor for a murder crime scene being re-enacted that involved his arch nemesis Sideshow Bob and rakes.
“Is Homer here?” Bart asked.
“No you’re dad only really comes here now to talk to Lenny and Carl since he can’t drink anymore.” said Moe.
“He went to the cryogenic centre.” said Barney before belching.
“Thanks! Oh and hi Lenny.” said Bart.
“I’m Carl.” said Carl’s voice from Lenny.
“I’m Lenny.” said Lenny from Carl’s body. “We switched brains remember?”
“Why did you do that again...” Bart asked.
“For fun.” said Lenny. “And to get back with my wife who was dating Carl at the time.”
“But turns out she swapped her brain with a chimp’s on a Japanese game show and then it gets all stupid...” said Carl.
Marge arrived at the room Maggie was in giving birth.
“Ah Marge. Two minutes!” said Dr Hibbert.
“Between contractions?!” Marge asked excited.
“No! Between my medical bills! Ahehehehehe!” said Dr Hibbert, chuckling.
In the virtual realm. Lisa decided to pry on her daughter’s Internet room.
To her surprise and joy. Zia was a genius and keen student as well as a feminist. She had pictures of Queen Elizabeth I, Marie Curie and Queen Amidala from Star Wars! Coooool!
Zia materialised from a beaker of chemical goop. Demanded to know why her mother was snooping about.
Lisa pleased that Zia shared her interests and looked up to her hugged Zia and they lived happily ever after.
“I look up to both my parents.” said Zia.
Burka Milhouse appeared. “Alluha Ackbar!” he said.
“Stop doing that!” Oscar yelled at him.
Homer was with Kirk and Picard Simpson at a cryogenic storage place. Abe was in a vault frozen. As well as Crazy cat lady and Gil. You can’t make out the other frozen occupants but for laughs Oscar is passing vaults with Boris Grishenko from Goldeneye in one, still in his “Yes! I am invincible!” Pose and one with Phillip J Fry in it.
“Hehehe! Fry...” Oscar giggled.
Homer explained to his grandsons that Abe, their great Grampa was frozen because he was sick and wanted to stay frozen until they found a cure to his illness.
“Have they, Grampa?” Kirk asked.
“Of course! But don’t tell him! It’s cheaper to keep him frozen then let him live in a nursing home!” said Homer.
Homer thawed out Abe.
“Hey Dad! Say hi to your great grandkids!” said Homer.
“Ah they ain’t so great! And you’re still a failure! And-“ Grampa ranted but Homer froze him again.
“Grampa why have you taken us here?” Picard asked.
“To show you all Dads are lousy. Even my Dad. But your dad tries his best because he loves you!” said Homer. D’aaaaaawwwwwww!
Bart arrived exhausted.
“Boys I’ll stop behaving like a ten year old and behave more like a twenty year old, like a forty year old divorcee should!” said Bart.
“You’ll have to better than that Dad!” said Kirk as Nancy voicing him accidentally broke into her Ralph voice. He should be sounding like baby Bart.
“Come on boys... it’s Christmas...” Bart begged.
Picard and Kirk cried and forgave their father.
“Awwwww! If they can forgive their father maybe I can... nah...” said Homer.
Maggie arrived with her baby.
“It’s a girl!” said Marge.
“And I just single handedly liberated Michigan from Al Qaeda. Okay ninety percent of the Arabs there I killed were civilians but hey at least women can now dress in scantily hot pants and boob tubes now if they want...” said Oscar.
“Everyone pose while the pets take our photos!” said Marge.
The dog and cat were now some kind of big brained super people.
“Funny how they evolved and we didn’t.” said Bart.