Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?

Guess who's coming to critise Dinner? Homer becomes a food critic. However he's too nice so one of his fellow critics convinces him of how to give bad reviews as well as nice ones. However Homer goes too far and is extremely rude to everyone resulting in Lisa quitting as his typist and every restaurant owner plotting to have him murdered...

Plot

At the school a school trip to the Springfield Shopper was about to start.

"I hope you kids are all excited about our school trip to and from the Springfield Shopper." said Skinner. "While you're gone I'll be removing all the asbestos and the word evolution from the school!"

Bart and Lisa gasped in horror.

"Oh no! Mr Flanders must have got control over the last PTA meeting! We need science and logic!" Lisa lamented.

"And part of my pledge as Student body president was to bring more asbestos! More asbestos! More asbestos!" Bart replied. He started a more asbestos chant again.

"Bart!" Oscar yelled.

Groundskeeper Willie cane out wearing an orange Hawaiian shirt and holding a beaker of margarita.

"Wooooo! Margarita time! Oh they're still here..." said Willie.

"That's a nice shirt Willie." said Quiffy.

"No it's not!" said Bart. "Hawaiian shirts are never going to be a thing!"

Quiffy frowned at him.

"Anyway, everyone find a field trip buddy and stay together." said Skinner.

"Speaking of which, I haven't seen Uter since our last school trip..." said Bart.

"Uter? Who's Uter?" Skinner chuckled. "Uter. That's a funny name..."

"Dad? I'm glad you're helping out, but how did you get out of work?" said Lisa to Homer who was waiting by his car.

"Oh I got a friend covering for me..." said Homer.

Homer had constructed a crude dummy with a tape playing him singing "I work for the money! So much money! Money money money!"

Mr Burns came in.

"Now that's a spirited worker! A smile on his face and a song in his heart!" said Mr Burns. "Smithers promote him!"

The Homer dummy was in a high tech office still singing. However the tape went backwards and the dummy caught fire.

"I'm surprised Dad managed to construct a working effigy of himself whereas Mom's..." Bart had a flashback.

One day when he was a toddler and Lisa was just a baby Homer had to go away with work. Marge decided to cheer them up with a crude effigy of Homer made of balloons with a tape recorder playing his voice.

"Hello Bart and Lisa! Dady loves yoooouhuyuuuubhthhjjjjgghthg!" The tape went crazy in high pitched rambling.

Baby Bart and Lisa screamed.

Marge tries to reset the tape but bursts the balloons making up the Homer effigy. Bart and Lisa scream again. A glove lands on Bart's head as he screams.

The flashback ends with Bart shivering.

"Hey! So what if your mom isn't very good at making effigies!" Homer told Bart off.

...

Homer drove Bart, Lisa, Nelson and Milhouse to the Springfield Shopper Newspaper corporate headquarters.

"I spy with my little eye... something beginning with... D!" said Milhouse.

"Dingus!" said Nelson clubbing on the head. Milhouse fell over.

"Nelson!" Bart yelled. "He's my friend! Don't do that!"

"Get less dorky friends then!" said Nelson.

"Thank you Nelson, you're a true hero." said Homer.

"Nah, I'm no hero... I just hit people on the head..." said Nelson.

"Well here we are kids! The Zoo!" said Homer as the pulled up at the zoo.

"Nice one Dad, but we're supposed to be going to the Springfield Shopper!" said Bart.

"D'oh!" Homer screamed. This spooked all the zoo animals and they escaped! A polar bear rode on a moose out of the zoo.

Homer ended up behind an ambulance and was screaming obscenities at it.

"Move you (Beep) (Beep)ing son of a (beep)!"

"Dad! That's an ambulance!" Lisa whined.

"Oh...." said Homer. "Think you're so (beep)ing smart with your (beep)ing sirens and your backward letters?!"

Lisa sighed.

Eventually they arrived at the Springfield Shopper headquarters.

"Well it seems Mr Simpson has finally arrived we can start our tour." said Skinner.

...

"Welcome to the Springfield Shopper! A hundred and eighty three year old newspaper founded by a young boy called Tommy Newspaper!" said the guide pointing to a picture of a boy wearing old fashioned clothes delivering newspapers.

"If he was so successful why is he dead?!" Homer asked.

They were guided through the newspaper office where workers were in the cubicles. a man was taking a call and Gil was dancing for a caller to keep them on the line.

"But you can't even see- Oh well." He started dancing.

Then the guide showed them a comic illustrator. However no one found his comics funny.

The illustrator slammed his head on his desk as they left.

"And here is where we keep Ann Landers and Dear Abby alive perpetually for twenty three hours a day!" said the guide.

"My advice is that either you give us our freedom or let us die!" ranted Ann Landers. Yes the Ann Landers we've heard about makes an appearance finally.

Oscar's face lit up and he rubbed his hands with glee with an evil grin.

"So, you're the Ann Landers." Oscar asked her.

"Yes little boy. Now how about you get us out of here?" said Ann Landers.

"I've always wanted to say one thing to your face." said Oscar.

"Oscar no!" Bart yelled.

"What is it sweetie." said Ann Landers.

"Dad stop him!" Bart yelled.

"Ann Landers, you're a boring old biddy!" said Oscar.

Everyone gasped in horror. Ann Landers had a coronary thrombosis brought on by him calling her that.

The school got kicked out because Oscar insulted Ann Landers. They all had to go back to the school.

"Oh thanks Oscar! Why do you enjoy calling Ann Landers that?!" Bart yelled.

"Tamaki you just earned yourself two weeks detention! I hope you're proud of yourself!" said Skinner.

...

Marge wasn't happy when they got home.

"Hmmmmmmm! Oscar you've got to get that out of your system!" said Marge. "Unfortunately I'm not your mother so I can't do much, how about you just go home and think about your behaviour..."

"Okay... I suppose it wasn't really earning myself two weeks detention over..." said Oscar as he went home.

Later the Simpsons minus Oscar took the fourth grade back to the Springfield Shopper to make up for Oscar ruining the school trip.

"Unfortunately Ann Landers is very sick today because of a naughty little boy insulting her yesterday." said the guide.

"Hey Dad! There's a machine that finds the headlines from the day you were born!" said Bart.

"Who has time for pointless nostalgia?" Homer asked. Suddenly he smelt cake. "I smell cake! Wait, farewell... Sorry you're retiring?!" Homer ran off to find the cake.

"Wow! Your dad has quite the nose Simpson!" said Nelson.

"Oh that's nothing. He can hear pudding!" said Bart.

Meanwhile a food critic was having retirement party.

"Sorry to hear you're retiring." said Mr Editor guy.

"Hmmmmph! What can I say? Except thanks for the champagne that's barely drinkable, pizza that's hardly numero uno and ice cream cake that says why have Baskin Robbins 139 flavours when you can't even get vanilla right!" said the retiring food critic.

"I'm glad I'm not married to her..." said Mr Editor guy.

"What are you talking about?! I'm your wife!" said the food critic.

Homer was eating the party food.

"Excuse me. Why are you ruining my awful retirement party?" said the food critic.

"I ran away from the tour. Okay?" said Homer eating.

"Well at least you like the food." said Mr Editor guy.

"Oh I love food! I like pizza! I love hotdogs!" He picks up pizza and a hotdog.

"We get it." said Mr Editor guy.

"I eat eggplant! I could even eat a baby deer on the lawn! Lalalala! Who's that baby deer on the lawn?!" Homer sung.

"Enough!" Mr Editor guy got annoyed. "Look we've been looking for a food editor that doesn't immediately pooh pooh everything they eat."

"That usually takes me several hours." said Homer.

"Ha! Poo poo!" Bart laughed.

"Anyway... write us a five hundred word review and we'll see if you've got what it takes." said Mr Editor guy giving him some paper.

"Woohoo!" said Homer.

...

At home Marge tried to explain the typewriter wasn't working.

"The letter E is missing." said Marge.

"We don't need no stinkin' Es!" said Homer.

"Actually we do, especially since there was a really retarded kid at my old school that kept going 'Eeeeeeeee!' so we made fun of him." said Oscar.

"Oscar that's not nice..." said Bart cross with him.

"Let's see... Restaurant review? No. Mad man Homer's Fridgercooker? No. Ah ha! Food box! By Homer Simpson!" said Homer. "D'oh!" He groaned when he realised that had an E in it.

Homer sent in his review. It was awful.

"Hahahaha! This is a joke right?!" The editor laughed. "This is the stupidest thing I've ever read!"

"What's wrong with it?" Homer asked.

"You use made up words like pasghetti and momatoes. You make numerous threats to the UN and at the end you just typed Screw Flanders over and over..." said the editor.

"Look five hundred words is hard okay!" Homer whined.

"Look I'll give you one m ore chance." said the editor.

"Yes, this was a joke, I'll get you the real review Mr Editor guy." said Homer.

...

Homer went home and locked himself in the bathroom and scrubbed himself hard.

"Unclean! So unclean! So much humiliation!" said Homer.

Lisa knocked at the door. "Dad I know you're review got turned down but I'll help you write one if you'll just unlock this door! I really need the bathroom!"

"Stupid kids with their small bladders..." said Homer.

Homer was in Lisa's room pondering while she typed for him.

"Now think of a restaurant you liked recently Dad." said Lisa.

"Oh there was that French ale Belles place! It was great!" said Homer.

"Try and use a better word than great Dad." said Lisa.

"It was not undelicious." said Homer.

"Delicious. Fantastic Dad!" said Lisa typing.

"And there was this wonderful chocolate mousse, how do I describe it? It was (Homer gurgles and drools like he usually does with food.)"

"Hmmmmm.... How should I write (Lisa does a Homer gurgle and drools) Ah ah! Transcendent!" Lisa replied.

"Groin grabbingly transcendent?" Homer suggested.

"No Dad...." Lisa decided that would be a bad idea...

They finished.

"We make a great team Dad!" said Lisa.

"A groin grabbingly great team?" Homer asked.

"Dad! You need to stop saying that!" said Lisa concerned. "Now for the last word, something to really make the reader think."

"I know! Screw Flanders!" said Homer.

"No Dad. How about Bon Appetite?" said Lisa.

"That's great as well sweetie." said Homer.

Plot 2

Mr Editor guy was very pleased with Homer's new review.

"We're printing this on page one of section H-2!" said the director. "I really wanted to put it on The front page Homer or at least page three but um our male readers need their boobs in the morning."

At home Marge was proud of Homer. "Wow! Married to a food critic! It's my life long dream."

"Now wait Marge, under no circumstances must anyone know I'm a food critic." said Homer.

"Why?" Marge asked.

Helen overheard them.

"Maude, did you hear Homer's a food critic?" said Helen.

"Homer's a critic!"

"Did you know Homer's a critic?" said Principal Skinner to Uter's parents.

"Quit changing the subject! Vere is Urer?!" said Uter's Dad.

"Ja! Quit Shtalling (Stalin)! Show us your marks! (deutsche marks)" Said Uter's mother. There was canned laughter at her unintentional puns. They were sitting at Luigi's restaurant having a meeting to discuss where Uter was.

...

The Simpsons went to their first restaurant for Homer's review. The Frying Dutchman.

"Arrrrr! My finest dish, the critics platter. Pay no attention to anything's that's moving! That's just an indication of how fresh it is!" said Sea Captain. A cockroach crawled across the plate.

After he left.

"Daaaaaad! This has lobster!" said Bart concerned.

"So?" Homer asked.

"Dad! I'm allergic to crustaceans!" said Bart.

”And I’m vegetarian!” said Lisa.

"Homer how could you be so thoughtless and take us somewhere Bart and Lisa can't eat?" Marge told Homer off.

"Because I'm trying to make it up to Hugo by taking us somewhere he wants to eat!" said Homer.

Hugo was greedily eating the large bass from the platter.

"(Hugo belches) More fish heads waiter." said Hugo.

"Yes sir." said the waiter.

"Bring them in a bucket..." said Hugo.

Marge went Hmmmmmmmm to show how annoyed she was.

After dinner in which Bart, Lisa and Marge had bread.

"Wow I can't believe they're actually paying me to eat!" said Homer.

"Now if only they were paying you to scratch your butt we'd be on easy street!" said Bart.

"Why you little!" Homer jumped out of his seat and strangled Bart.

Marge was mortified.

...

At home Lisa was delighted to read her review in the newspaper. "Wow! My first article! Except someone else's name is on it..." Lisa said laughing sheepishly.

"Welcome to the humiliating world of professional writing Lisa." said Homer. "But this is just the start!"

Another night they went to Rainer Wolfcastle's Planet Hollywood restaurant despite them getting banned after Homer ripped up the cable guy script. (Rosebud)

"Why won't someone help me down from here?!" Hans Moleman was still in that car stuck halfway through the wall as an ornament. (Has shifty eyes)

"A thousand apologies Mr Simpson! I regret throwing you out over a little misunderstanding with our props. Have a seat at our finest table!" said Rainer Wolfcastle.

"Cool seats Dad!" said Bart. "And food I can actually enjoy!" Bart was eating an enormous burger. "Mmmmmm! Burger...."

"What's next Dad?" Lisa asked.

Homer put on his half moon glasses and read a script. "Well it says in the script you and I are supposed to having lunch in that flying saucer restaurant but that went flying into outer space last Halloween when I accidentally released the millennium bug upon the world." said Homer.

Lisa sighed. "Oh yeah...."

The flying saucer restaurant crashed into Kang's space ship.

"Watch where you're flying! Idiots!" Kang yelled waving a tentacle furiously.

So instead they walked past the tower the UFO restaurant used to perched on to another restaurant while Homer read his lines he was supposed read.

"The sights are, amusing (Sees Gil being humiliated by being run over) Inspiring. (See's Lard Lads) Mmmmm! Lard lad's, destroyer of cities... Nauseating. (Sees Patty and Selma exercising?!) Eeeeeew! Director..."

"Hey count your lucky stars continuity means we can't use that scene now!" said the director.

"Stupid continuity! Since when was there continuity in Treehouse of Horror episodes?!" Homer ranted.

...

Homer and Marge then went shopping but all their friends were happy to see them about all the restaurants Homer recommended. However all of his friends were fat...

"Great call on that chicken place Homer! And that rib place!" said Fat Lenny eating some chicken and ribs.

"Ha! Marge look! Stupid Flanders and Maude are so fat!" Homer laughed as a fat Ned and Maude walked past.

"Homer! You're no prize pig yourself! You're fatter than everyone!" Marge yelled.

Homer was offended. "You don't have to put it so bluntly Marge!"

"Wait a minute! The Flanderses are devote Christians! Why would they be engaging in pure gluttony?!" Oscar asked.

"Sorry." said the director.

"Tim you're fired." said Oscar.

Then a fat Mr Burns appeared. "Yes Homer you've made the whole town so jolly! And- (his shins break because of his weight) Oh my shins again..." Fat Mr Burns shuffles off disappointed.

"He looks like the Penguin..." Homer whispered to Marge.

...

However Homer was called in to meet his fellow critics. For the sake of my amusement Jay Sherman is one of them! Hehehehe!

"Aaaaaagh! Oh hi Jay..." said Homer nicking Issac Newton toys from the desks.

"Hey Homer. The fellow critics and I are a little concerned about you giving so many nice reviews..."

Jay introduces the Critic of TV.

"Why you! You cancelled Platypus man!!" Homer attacked the Critic. Ha! Platypus man! That sounds like such a great show!

"Homer..." Jay sighed. He tried to introduce another Critic but Homer was still attacking the TV critic.

"And the Cosby mysteries! That show had so much potential!!" Homer yelled.

"Homer! That's enough!" Jay yelled.

Meanwhile we cut to Bill Cosby and some black people dressed from the seventies standing outside Scooby doo van with a man dressed as a monster tied up.

"Well that's another mystery solved! Gobble gobble! Zip Zop zoobity bop!" said Bill while speaking in gibberish. "Ghost Dad!"

"9 out of ten for everything?! What the hell?" said the TV Critic.

"I like a lot of food!" said Homer.

"You don't have to like everything Homer." said the female critic.

"I gave a bad review of a pizza I found under the couch. It lost a point because it had a Hot Wheels car on it." said Homer.

"That's not what we meant Homer. I'm a critic of farming equipment. Thanks to me a new poison will render whacking moles obsolete." said the critic of farming equipment.

"Yeah right..." said Homer.

"Anyway here's a review I did on lawn mowers ripping on John Dear.

John Dear has released the same faulty models of lawn mowers yet again, but in a shocking winter green! I say it's time we gave John Dear a Dear John..." The critic read his review.

Homer laughed. "That is cold! Ahahahaha!"

"You don't have to patronise me Homer." said the critic of farm equipment.

"So it's that easy? I just have to mean to people?" said Homer.

"Now hold on. Only if they deserve it!" said the critic of farming equipment.

"Yeah, there's this one restaurant putting on a production of King Lear, by Krusty... Feh! And the food there ain't much better. How about you try and give a nasty review of that." said Jay Sherman.

...

Homer took the family to the restaurant. Krusty was indeed trying to do King Lear.

"Your children Prince Regan, Princesses Goneril and Cordelia your highness." said a servent. King Lear's children arrived on stage.

"What is this? Merry old England or Petticoat Junction?" said Krusty making a joke.

The crowd booed him.

"Oh lighten up! It's a comedy!" said Krusty.

"Uh no it's not." said the servent breaking character to whisper to Krusty/King Lear.

"It's not?! Oh boy..." Krusty groaned as he couldn't do straight acting.

Bart laughed hysterically. "We love you Krusty!" he cheered for Krusty.

"Hmmmm. This pea soup is as weak as the acting but nowhere near as heavy!" said Homer.

"Dad! That's so mean!" said Lisa.

"The other critics said I have to start giving bad reviews. I can't like everything I eat now can I?" said Homer.

"Well you did go on about how awful that Khlav Kalash you had in New York was..." said Lisa. "But be honest not just cruel for the sake of it. What is the soup really like.

"Well it's rather nice for pea soup. Not a touch on Andy Warhol's though." said Homer.

"Dad that's Campbell's. Mr Warhol just did paintings of them..." said Lisa.

Krusty was pondering how to cheer up the crowd he was reading ahead of the script.

"Ugh! So depressing.... I got it! How do you make the King leer? Put the queen in a bikini!"

Everyone booed except Bart who was cheering.

"Okay. Knock knock. Who's there? Juliet. Juliet who? Juliet ate so much pasta fazool, Romeo doesn't want her anymore!" said Krusty.

"Boooooooo!" The crowd jeered.

"Oh boo your self!" Bart got up and shouted.

"Bart! Sit down!" Marge was embarrassed.

"Yeah kid, thanks for standing up for me but don't cause a spectacle." said Krusty to Bart."

"Hey if you're such a good critic of comedy you get up on stage then kid!" someone in the crowd yelled.

"Fine I will!" said Bart.

Bart read through Krusty's hastily rewritten material and gags.

"Ha! Me so solly! That never gets old!" said Bart giggling.

Krusty sighed.

...

The next day or so Homer was in Lisa's room reviewing a French restaurant called the legless frog.

"So come to the legless frog if you hope to die and leave a garlicky corpse!" Homer recited.

"Dad! You're being cruel again for no reason! You can't just bad mouth the restaurant just because you had too much garlic bread that night and put off Mom from kissing you." said Lisa.

"Okay... the dessert was (Homer gurgles and drools)"

"Transcendent? Dad you've been relying on that word way too much!" said Lisa.

"I know! Let's hire the dog to help us!" said Homer.

"Yeah sure... A dog writing a review..." Lisa sighed.

Homer was at the typewriter in the kitchen making notes for Lisa while she waited, embarrassed he was actually considering asking the dog for pointers.

"The tomatoes really..." Homer asked Maggie.

She sucked her pacifier.

"Sucked." Homer said typing.

"The bread was..." Homer asked Santa's Little Helper.

Santa's Little Helper barked.

"Rough? You've been peddling that all day." said Homer. "Try something else.

"Chewy?" said Santa's Little Helper.

"Oh my god! Dogs aren't supposed to talk!" Lisa gasped.

"Of course they can! I once made him say I love you!" said Homer. In a scene from from Bart's dog gets an F Homer was on the living room phone to Marge and pretends to be the dog by panting and going I love you! down the line in a stupid voice.

"Dad... that was you being silly..." said Lisa.

Plot 3

Mr Editor didn't like Homer's latest review. "No no no! This looks like it was written by a dog! You put the bread was rough and the salad tasted Grrrrrrr! Homer I'm giving you one more chance..." said the editor.

"Oh okay..." Homer whimpered as he went home to try again.

"Dad I told you letting the dog write it was a bad idea..." said Lisa. "Look we're doing Luigi's next so try to not be so rude this time!"

Homer was extremely rude about the lasagna to Luigi.

"Yaaaaaaaagh!" The chef ran out and tried to attack Homer with a meat cleaver!

"Ay Carumba!" Bart yelled.

"Oh my god!" Marge gasped.

"Okay Leonardo I a choppa your face! You're under arrest for attempted assault!" said Chief Wiggum arresting him.

"Well he certainly took your criticism very badly..." said Marge.

"Well I hope you chopped me better than these string beans! Oh, I appear to be missing part of my ear! Touché!" The chef cut part of Homer's ear.

The family decided to try to avoid eating out for a while lest Homer got himself killed by an angry chef. It was pork chop night anyway.

"I made pork chops!" said Marge putting down a plate of pork chops.

"Mooooom!" Lisa whined.

"Oh and here's your veggie dinner Lisa." said Marge serving Lisa her vegetarian dinner.

"That's going to be a permanent thing now right..." Bart sighed.

"Yes because Paul McCartney wouldn't agree to a cameo unless I permanently turned vegetarian. Which makes sense, I'm always deadly serious about things." said Lisa.

Homer tried a pork chop.

"I give this my lowest score. Seven and a half." said Homer.

"But you love pork chops!" said Marge.

"Marge my tastes have become more sophisticated! I only have two words for this. Shake and bake!" said Homer.

"But you love Shake and Bake! You always put it in your morning coffee!" said Marge.

"Marge my palette has grown more sophisticated." said Homer.

"Oh really? What's a pallet..." Marge asked.

"Um... it's a special thing when a man..." Homer mumbles.

"Dad we're eating at home, you don't need to be so rude to Mom! Besides the food festival is coming up and everyone will be there! Please don't embarrass yourself!" said Lisa.

...

Meanwhile the restaurant owners were all holding an emergency meeting.

"That Homer has a gone too far!" said Luigi. "He gave my restaurant a bad review! So my friend put a horse's head in his bed! He ate it and gave it a bad review!" said Luigi.

"Mmmmm! Godfather..." said Homer sleeping that night.

"Arrrr! He's gone too far!" said Sea captain.

"Uh he gave you a nice review..." said Akira.

"I just wanted to part of the gang..." said sea captain.

"I say we ban him from our restaurants!" said a pizza parlour owner.

"No that would be impolite! I say we kill him!" said Akira. Oh geez!

"Wait we're not murders are we?!" said the pizza parlour guy.

"Kill him!"

"Kill him!"

"Kill da foo!" said Mr T.

"Does that answer your question? said Sea Captain."

Then a French chef explained their master plan. A delicious high calorie chocolate eclair. Even the other chefs are practically salivating at a picture of it.

"Non non non! This is just a picture. However Homer will find the real thing both delicious and deadly!" said the French chef.

"You're just gonna feed him a pastry? I've seen this guy eat change from the tip jar!" said the pizza parlour guy.

"Oh it will have poison in it as well." said the French chef.

"Ah! Death by chocolate! How quaint! Ahahahaha!" said Akira laughing evilly. Everyone else laughed evilly.

...

The day of the food festival cane.

Marge was worried. "Homer my women's intuition is acting up! I think you might be in grave danger!"

"Thanks honey, but I'll be fine! After all I'm here to critique the food!" said Homer.

"And I'm here to eat until I puke!" said Oscar.

"That's real nice Oscar..." said Bart.

Homer first went to Luigi's stall to eat lard. Yeeeuck...

"Mmmm... bland and pedestrian." said Homer.

"Lard ho!" said Sea captain. "Good news. He's already undone the flies on his pants."

"Uh no he's been going about like that since last thanksgiving." said Akira.

"Why doesn't he just give up and start wearing sweatpants?" said Sea captain.

"He says the crotch wears out too fast." said Akira.

"Yaaaaar! That's gonna replace the whale in my nightmares!" said Sea captain.

"Relax my friend. Dessert will soon knock Homer off of the front page and into the obituaries! Ahahahaha!" said Akira as they laughed evilly.

Bart who was eating an ice cream was laughing nearby. "No wait! They're gonna kill Dad!" He gasped. "I better tell someone!" However before he could the pizza parlour guy grabbed him.

"Looks like we've got a little spy earwigging on our plan!" said the pizza parlour guy.

"Ungh! Lemme go you murderers!" Bart yelled. He wriggled about.

"Yarrrrr! I say we gag him and send him to Davy Jones locker!" said Sea Captain.

Bart gasped in horror.

...

"Hmmmmm! I wonder where your brother is?" Marge asked.

"I'll find him..." Oscar sighed. He was eating chicken and some ribs and was starting to get fat again.

Oscar looked around the festival for Bart. He didn't find him but he found Uter in the bushes wearing torn clothes. He had obviously been missing for some time.

"Uter?!" Oscar asked.

"Ah! Guten tag fellow classmate!" said Uter.

"Uter it's Saturday! You've been missing for weeks! How did you survive?" Oscar asked.

"On Maine candy! But alas mein shokolade has melted!" said Uter. He had a melted chocolate bar in his pocket. Eeeeew!

"Well, your parents are worried sick about you we better find them." said Oscar.

"Oh ja, take me to zem!" said Uter.

"I think they're at the sausages stall." said Oscar.

"Oh nein! Sat ist Wurst!" said Uter.

"Sausages aren't that bad!" said Oscar as they walked.

"Nein nein! Ah... how zoo I put zis? Szausages en Deutsch is Wurst!" said Uter.

"Oh..." said Oscar.

...

Bart was being held hostage by the chefs/restaurant owners and was gagged with a cloth so he couldn't speak. The French chef was gloating and discussing his evil plan.

However Oscar could hear from outside the tent. He hushed Uter so they wouldn't be heard. Once they were sure the chefs couldn't hear them they discussed alerting the Simpsons and rescuing Bart.

"But I want to find mein mutti and Vatter!" said Uter.

"Okay fine we'll get you back to your parents first! But you owe me a favour and I want you to help rescue Bart." said Oscar.

"But Ze let Nelson give me a wedgie! Howza bout ein lick of my candy pop?" Uter pulled out a candy cane he had obviously been licking.

"Uh no. That's been in your mouth..." said Oscar.

"Too bad." said Uter as they went to find his parents.

Which they did where Oscar said they'd be, trying sausages, like the food critics in Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers.

"Mutti! Vatti!" said Uter.

"Uter!" said Uter's parents.

"I found him in the bushes. I have no idea how he got here from our trip to the aquarium..." said Oscar.

"How ever can we repay you?" said Uter's mom.

"Dinner would be nice." said Oscar. He liked Uter despite him trying to offer melted or half eaten candy.

Then he remembered. "Oh shoot! I need to find the Simpsons! Bart's been kidnapped and the restaurant owners are planning to kill Homer!" said Oscar.

"Oh mein goodness!" said Uter's mom. They went to find the Simpsons.

...

They told the Simpsons everything.

"I knew it! I was about to warn Dad!" said Lisa.

"Do you have some sixth sense thing or something?!" said Oscar.

"No..." Lisa sighed at his stupidity. "Look we have to rescue Bart and stop Dad from eating that eclair.

Homer was about to eat the poisonous eclair.

"Dad no! It's poisoned!" said Lisa. "It's going to kill you!"

"Eh, I ate a pufferfish once..." said Homer.

"No! It's uh... it's low fat and sugar free!" said Lisa.

"What?! Noooooooo!" Homer screamed and threw the poisonous eclair away. It exploded!

"Sacre bleu!" said the French chef.

He was soon got arrested along with the other restaurant owners and chefs.

"Thanks for rescuing me guys. They were boring me with chef talk and recipes!" said Bart to Oscar and Uter. "I'm so mad at you! Especially you Akira sensei! How could you try to murder my Dad?!"

"Arrrr! Maybe we went a bit too far!" said Sea captain.

"I tried to warn Dad not to be so rude..." Lisa sighed.

"You owe us big time!" said Oscar. "I'd say a free slap up meal would suffice..."

The Simpsons had a free meal at Sea Captain's restaurant.

The end!