Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?

Guess who's coming to critise Dinner? Homer becomes a food critic. However he's too nice so one of his fellow critics convinces him of how to give bad reviews as well as nice ones. However Homer goes too far and is extremely rude to everyone resulting in Lisa quitting as his typist and every restaurant owner plotting to have him murdered...

Plot

At the school a school trip to the Springfield Shopper was about to start.

"I hope you kids are all excited about our school trip to and from the Springfield Shopper." said Skinner. "While you're gone I'll be removing all the asbestos and the word evolution from the school!"

Bart and Lisa gasped in horror.

"Oh no! Mr Flanders must have got control over the last PTA meeting! We need science and logic!" Lisa lamented.

"And part of my pledge as Student body president was to bring more asbestos! More asbestos! More asbestos!" Bart replied. He started a more asbestos chant again.

"Bart!" Oscar yelled.

Groundskeeper Willie cane out wearing an orange Hawaiian shirt and holding a beaker of margarita.

"Wooooo! Margarita time! Oh they're still here..." said Willie.

"That's a nice shirt Willie." said Quiffy.

"No it's not!" said Bart. "Hawaiian shirts are never going to be a thing!"

Quiffy frowned at him.

"Anyway, everyone find a field trip buddy and stay together." said Skinner.

"Speaking of which, I haven't seen Uter since our last school trip..." said Bart.

"Uter? Who's Uter?" Skinner chuckled. "Uter. That's a funny name..."

"Dad? I'm glad you're helping out, but how did you get out of work?" said Lisa to Homer who was waiting by his car.

"Oh I got a friend covering for me..." said Homer.

Homer had constructed a crude dummy with a tape playing him singing "I work for the money! So much money! Money money money!"

Mr Burns came in.

"Now that's a spirited worker! A smile on his face and a song in his heart!" said Mr Burns. "Smithers promote him!"

The Homer dummy was in a high tech office still singing. However the tape went backwards and the dummy caught fire.

"I'm surprised Dad managed to construct a working effigy of himself whereas Mom's..." Bart had a flashback.

One day when he was a toddler and Lisa was just a baby Homer had to go away with work. Marge decided to cheer them up with a crude effigy of Homer made of balloons with a tape recorder playing his voice.

"Hello Bart and Lisa! Dady loves yoooouhuyuuuubhthhjjjjgghthg!" The tape went crazy in high pitched rambling.

Baby Bart and Lisa screamed.

Marge tries to reset the tape but bursts the balloons making up the Homer effigy. Bart and Lisa scream again. A glove lands on Bart's head as he screams.

The flashback ends with Bart shivering.

"Hey! So what if your mom isn't very good at making effigies!" Homer told Bart off.

...

Homer drove Bart, Lisa, Nelson and Milhouse to the Springfield Shopper Newspaper corporate headquarters.

"I spy with my little eye... something beginning with... D!" said Milhouse.

"Dingus!" said Nelson clubbing on the head. Milhouse fell over.

"Nelson!" Bart yelled. "He's my friend! Don't do that!"

"Get less dorky friends then!" said Nelson.

"Thank you Nelson, you're a true hero." said Homer.

"Nah, I'm no hero... I just hit people on the head..." said Nelson.

"Well here we are kids! The Zoo!" said Homer as the pulled up at the zoo.

"Nice one Dad, but we're supposed to be going to the Springfield Shopper!" said Bart.

"D'oh!" Homer screamed. This spooked all the zoo animals and they escaped! A polar bear rode on a moose out of the zoo.

Homer ended up behind an ambulance and was screaming obscenities at it.

"Move you (Beep) (Beep)ing son of a (beep)!"

"Dad! That's an ambulance!" Lisa whined.

"Oh...." said Homer. "Think you're so (beep)ing smart with your (beep)ing sirens and your backward letters?!"

Lisa sighed.

Eventually they arrived at the Springfield Shopper headquarters.

"Well it seems Mr Simpson has finally arrived we can start our tour." said Skinner.

...