Simpsons Fanon
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Girls Just Want to Have Sums The school gets segregated by genders. But not by hardline feminists as in canon because they don’t have that much power and influence yet while Bush is around still.

Also Lisa goes undercover to the boys school as a new pseudonym Jake Boyman. And errr something involving Cyndi Lauper...

Plot[]

The couch gag is the room is dark. The Simpsons as eyes come in and turn on the lights. Everyone in town is there throwing a surprise party for the Simpsons. “Surprise!!” They yell. Homer is so overwhelmed with shock he has a heart attack.

The episode starts with the Simpsons and just about everyone else in town watching Itchy and Scratchy in the Lion King. Probably guest starring Mr T....

“Wow this so kind of you Dad to take us to the opening night!” said Lisa.

“That’s okay sweetie.” said Homer.

“Wow! Look at all these guest stars! Mr T... Janes Earl Jones... Rowan Atkinson... Jeremy Irons...” said Bart reading the play leaflet.

Then the theatre darkened as the show started.

“They fight! They bite! They fight! They bite! They fight! Fight fight fight! Bite bite bite! The Itchy and Scratchy adaptation of the Lion King Musical!!” sang the theme tune.

Itchy as baby Simba immediately killed Scratchy as Rafiki by slicing him open with a machete.

“Cooooool!” said Oscar.

“Hmmmmmm! Even in musical theatre it’s so violent...” Marge said annoyed.

“I love that they used red streamers for blood!” said Lisa.

“Meh... it robs the violence of its power...” Bart sighed.

Homer got covered in red streamers. “Woooooo! I’m covered in blood!” He cheered.

“I pity the fool who didn’t attend this ceremony of the birth of the new king!” said Mr T in costume.

Rowan Atkinson as Zazu was playing with his teddy bear. “Look Teddy! Look! (Mumbling)” said Rowan Atkinson.

“Oh great he’s in Mr Bean mode...” Oscar sighed. “I hope we see witty sarcastic Rowan later...”

...

Next scene was Itchy and a female mouse as Nala running from Shenzi Banzai and Ed the cartoon hyenas.

“Where’s Zazu?” Nala asked.

“Round and round the birdy boiler!” The hyenas caught Zazu.

“Oh no! Not the birdy boiler! Aaaaaaagh!” cried Zazu as he was put in the birdy boiler, a volcanic vent and sent flying.

The next scene was um....

“Simba. I, am your father!” said Mufasa as Star Wars music played.

“No! No! That’s not true! That’s impossible!” said Itchy as Simba.

“Search your feelings you know it be true!” said Mufasa in the sky as a ghostly lion.

“Noooooooo! Nooooo!” said Itchy.

Eventually the play ended.

The writer of the play Kathleen had a few words. She was a former student of Skinner’s. Skinny boy then came up and put his foot in it when she said she got a B in maths.

“Yes because you’re a girl.” said Skinner.

Everyone gasped.

Lisa cupped her head in her hands in embarrassment.

Skinner tried to correct himself but Kathleen was a staunch feminist and stirred up an angry mob.

“Two four six eight! Stop this man from teaching hate!” The mob chanted.

“Oh will you shut up!” Homer yelled. “You are the exact same angry mob that insisted I grabbed Ashley Grant’s butt when I proved to you that I was grabbing a Venus de Milo gummy she sat on!”

Everyone in the mob booed.

“Two four six eight! Homer’s such a pig, he even ate the plate!” sung the mob.

“D’oh!” Homer groaned.

“Alright ya dames! Get back to where ya belong! The kitchen!” said some sexist rubber necks.

“Get back to the kitchen!” Blight from Batman Beyond yelled.

The angry mob and feminists were now more angry at rough necks.

“Two four!”

“Now! Before we give you all matching black eyes!” the sexist rough necks yelled.

The feminists and angry mob left muttering angrily.

“Uh... what just happened...” said Bart.

“I think a mole hill just turned into a mountain...” said Oscar.

...

Things got worse. That night while discussing Skinner’s foo bar and the roughnecks, Homer made an awkward comment Marge found sexist. They were discussing male and female inventions.

“Women invented liquid paper!”

“Well men invented actual paper.

This continued until...

“Oh why did women invent sleeping on the couch!” Homer whined as Marge had kicked him out of bed. Then he must have upset the dog because...

“Now how did this happen?!” Homer asked as he was trying to fit in the dog’s house.

At school Skinner held an emergency parent and pupil assembly to explain himself. He wore a pink skirt and high hills

“Skinner’s a tranny!” said Nelson. Everyone laughed.

He tried to explain his stunt but the angry mob and feminists would not let him countering each point.

“So your saying Nen and women are the same?!”

“Well no I- Women are unique!”

“You’re saying Women and Men can never be equal!”

“No I- help me say the right things people!” Skinner cried.

The feminists booed.

“Shut up all of you!” The head roughneck who looks like the head of the Hell’s Satans. “Ya stupid broads don’t know what ya want! When a lily livered mommas boy like Skinner tries to appease you you yell at him! I say we go back to old ways! Where women couldn’t work, or vote or go to school! That’ll learn ya!”

The roughnecks hijacked the assembly.

“No that’s not what I want at all!” Skinner whined.

“Skinner yer not a mans man ya spineless wimp! But yer a fella just the same! Stand aside!” said the head roughneck.

“Oh no!” said Marge.

“What’s gonna happen?!” Lisa asked.

I tell ya what happens! The second Civil war of America! Except men vs women!

The men cut off their territory with a Great Wall so impressive that Donald Trump loved it.

“It’s beautiful!” said the orange billionaire hotel owner who will be president one day.

“Not if I can help it!” said Lisa.

“He was in Home Alone 2!” Oscar giggled.

Men lived in one part of Springfield. Women lived in another part. The Simpsons altogether left in a small isolated pocket in Mensville where Evergreen Terrace is. Ned also remained where he lived because without his beloved Maude his family were just dudes.

The Simpsons watched as the nation of men was established.

“It’s just like that time I got annoyed by the new area code and divided the town between old and new Springfield!” said Homer.

“Or that time Timmy Turner separated Men and women on Valentine’s Day all because Trixie wouldn’t go out with him.” said Oscar.

“Uuuuuh... okay...” said Bart finding his comparison weird.

...

The new town set up its own school for girls. The woman town mayor Upfoot. Yes that’s her name. Upfoot agreed with Quimby and West to segregate school children between genders. Boys would go to the school in the male Springfield. Girls to the school in female Springfield.

Lisa didn’t like this. “Oh no! Just like Little Rock, Arkansas!” See Brown vs the state of education of Little Rock, Arkansas.

However she then thought of the advantages. She wouldn’t have to deal with Bart’s antics at school anymore. “Well that’s one good thing I suppose...”

The two school buses took the separate genders to their respective schools. The girls behaved civilised as they arrived at a pink school with horses and ponies.

The boys were like rabid animals and had to be kept in a caged off area until Otto released them into a school covered in graffiti and looking more like a war zone.

Inside the girls school, Lisa was in awe of the art filled corridor. “Oh look at all these women artists! Frida Kahlo, Georgia O’Keefe... Cathy Guisewite...” uh Cathy is a cartoonist...

Meanwhile in the boy’s school.

“Finally I can walk around with Bart Jr sticking out of my shorts!” said Bart. “Isn’t that right Bart Jr?” Bart has his pet frog riding in his shorts like a kangaroo joey. Bart Jr croaked.

“The fans thought that was a penis joke...” said Oscar.

“Eeeeeew! Guys... seriously?! Grow up!” Bart groaned at the fourth wall.

However for Lisa things weren’t so great in the girls school.

Maths wasn’t a lesson it was a hippy therapy thing with the teacher asking to imagine what seven smells like and to feel algebra... there were disco lights and all the girls used this opportunity to grove to the colourful light show.

“Uh Miss Hoover... shouldn’t we be tackling some maths problems...” Lisa asked.

“That’s the thing with men! They always see Maths as a problem to be tackled!” said Miss Hoover.

Lisa sighed.

Meanwhile Bart got a new teacher as his home room teacher. Coach Krupt.

However he wasn’t bombarding them with dodgeballs... he was teaching maths.

However Martin forgot an answer could have a positive or negative answer.

“The answer Martin can be three or minus three...” said Coach Krupt.

Martin sighed disappointed he got the answer wrong.

“Ha! You’re no longer smart!” said Nelson.

Lisa escaped over to the boys school. Clockwork Orange music played as the playground was a war zone.

Lisa spied on a maths lesson. However a hand grabbed her.

“No girls allowed...” said Zombie Skinner.

“Principal Skinner can’t you see how unfair this segregation is? Like it was for black and white children?” Lisa begged him.

“Oh I’m not the principal any more. I’m just Groundskeeper Skinner now.” said Skinner dressed as a groundskeeper. “The guys all had a competition to decide who was rough enough to run the boys school... I lost.”

“Who won?” Lisa asked.

“Get back to work Skinner!” said Principal Willie.

Lisa sighed.

...

However she was adamant to learn the boy’s math.

“I agree! This whole segregation thing is silly!” said Marge.

“Mmmmmhmmm.” Lisa nodded. “But girls can’t go into the boys school. I caught by Groundskeeper Skinner today.”

Mother and daughter thought long and hard.

In Bart’s room Bart and Homer were having an idle conversation.

“So I says to Milhouse today...” said Bart.

“Guys... we have a new boy in the neighbourhood!” said Marge bringing in a little boy with brown hair and thick black glasses wearing a white and red t shirt and other clothes.

“Wow! He’s even cooler than Milhouse!” said Homer. “Go on make friends!” Homer nudged Bart.

“So what’s your name newbie?” Bart asked the boy.

“Jake. Uh... Jake Boy.. uh man uh... Jake Boyman!” said Jake. Fake name!

“Jake Toilet?!” Bart asked cracking up.

“No! Jake Boyman! Not toilet! Boyman!” Jake said frustrated.

Bart laughed. “I’m just joshing ya Jake...” Bart smirked and giggled “toilet...”

Jake grumbled like Lisa would. Spoilers! Jake is Lisa...

“So where’s Lisa gone?” Homer asked.

“She’s having a sleepover.” Marge lied.

“Oh that’s a shame. I was gonna teach Jake to annoy her!” said Bart.

Jake glared at Bart.

Plot 2[]

Jake went on the boy’s bus to school. He or rather she since he is Lisa in disguise. Wondered why they were all confined to a caged off area or the bus. Boys were in there fighting.

Then he got off when Otto released the boys and went to school.

“Oh new meat?” said Oscar. He got out his living teddy bear Teddy and sicked him on Jake Boyman.

Teddy sniffed Jake intrusively. Jake winced. Then he started sniffing his groin with his big wet shiny black nose. “Ugh! Go away! Leave me alone!” said Jake.

“With the girls gone it’s fair game to let my teddy bear sniff people...” said Oscar.

“No it’s not! It’s weird!” said Jake. “And you bring your teddy bear to school?! That is so...” said Jake.

“Lame? Yeah I get that a lot... I really don’t care what other’s think... I wuv my teddy bear!” said Oscar hugging his teddy bear.

Jake sighed as Oscar left for class while hugging his teddy bear.

In Home room Jake wondered how long before someone laughed at Oscar. It didn’t take long.

“Haw Haw! You have a teddy bear! You have a teddy bear!” Nelson laughed at Oscar who was hugging his teddy bear and nuzzling his nose against Teddy’s big wet shiny black nose.

“So? This teddy bear bites!” said Oscar. Teddy growled and bared his sharp teeth at Nelson.

“Oscar stop acting like a baby!” Bart groaned.

Coach Krupt then came in. He barked at the class to be quiet and sit down.

“Today we will be learning vectors...” said Coach Krupt writing on the blackboard.

Oscar got out from his desk a Captain Underpants book and started reading and muttering the dialogue in the character voices.

“Tamaki put that book away and pay attention!” Coach Krupt yelled.

“I can’t afford to pay attention. I’m broke.” said Oscar.

All the boys except Martin and Jake laughed at Oscar’s quick wit.

“That’s it! Oscar you can stay behind after class in detention since you like being a comedian!” shouted Coach Krupt.

After class Jake sighed as Oscar was up front writing lines. He wrote “The class does not find my jokes funny or helpful to their learning.”

Jake went to put his books away only to find Jimbo and his gang were stuffing boys in lockers.

“Hey let’s put the new kid in there!” said Kerne. He grabbed Jake and stuffed him in a locker with other boys and locked them in.

“I’m a totem pole! Hiyahiya! Hiyahiya!” said Ralph chanting in the darkness.

...

At recess.

“Hey Toilet you have some TP on your shoe! Hahahahaha!” Bart laughed.

Jake growled and pulled off the toilet paper stuck to his sneakers.

“I need TP for my bungholio! Do you have TP for Cornholio?” Oscar was um acting like Beavis and Butthead...

“Just ignore him Jake. He’s a freak...” said Bart.

“Are you threatening me?!” said Cornholio Oscar.

Bart explains to Jake the newest game of recess is for boys to punch each other on the arm.

“Why?!” Jake asked.

“I don’t know! I don’t make the rules!” said Bart. They spent recess punching each other on the arm.

In class Bart was suspicious of Jake because he kept being a swot by putting his hand up for every question. Even Martin was astonished to have a rival. The two smart boys in a contest answered questions in unison fiercely in a test of brain power.

“Ugh! Two Martins?! Nelson do something!” Bart whined.

“Yeah on Byte munchers there’s this flash game where you slap nerds to stop them putting up their hands to give the cool people a chance to learn. Well learn something...” said Oscar.

This gave Nelson an idea. Every time Martin or Jake put up their hands to answer a question he’d slap them round the back of their heads.

“Ow!” Martin whined.

“Ow!” Jake Groaned and rubbed his head.

...

At home Homer had a celebrity guest.

“Marge... you’ll never guess who’s snuck into Mensville...” said Homer.

“Um... Harrison Ford?” Marge asked.

“Nooooooo.... Cyndi Lauper!” said Homer bringing in Cyndi Lauper.

Cyndi started singing Girls just wanna have fun. “Girls just wanna have, girls just wanna have fuuuun! Girls just wanna have fuuuuuun!”

“Oh I haven’t had so much joy recently since when Patty and Selma got exiled to Women’s Springfield!” said Homer.

Marge grumbled.

At school Jake answered a maths question.

“Five.” said Jake.

“Wrong! Martin the answer please.” said the teacher.

“The answer can be five or negative five!” said Martin.

“Of course!” thought Lisa, “and by being corrected I learnt something! And no one cares about my feelings!”

“Hey Toilet, I drew a picture of you!” said Nelson showing Jake a picture. It was a gun shooting a toilet. “It’s a gun shooting you!” Jake groaned.

At lunch he found everyone fighting in the cafeteria. He sighed and sat down next to Milhouse.

“Hey Toilet! Heheheheh! Just messing with ya.” Milhouse giggled and gently hit him on the arm.

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