Simpsons Fanon
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German Guy Oscar’s habit of personal amusement is too much for the Simpsons so they take him to the German quarter of the ethnic area of Springfield to get a hobby.

Plot[]

The Simpsons except Marge are watching TV when Marge comes in. “Homer we need to discuss Oscar.” said Marge. “His um habit of eh, personal amusement is getting way out of hand... Look at this!” Marge held a stiff Happy little Elves duvet.

“What is that? Some sort of board?” Homer asked.

“No! It’s his blanket!” said Marge. She dropped it and it shattered like a fine vase into pieces.

“Eeeeeew!” Homer groaned.

“Yes Homer. Eeeeew!” said Marge, “We need to do something about this... Somehow our washing machine is pregnant...”

“I don’t know how that’s scientifically possible...” said Lisa.

“Life finds away...” said Hugo.

“Hugo stop quoting Jurassic park...” Lisa sighed.

“You should probably find Oscar a hobby...” said Bart.

“A small man with hairy feet?!” Homer asked.

“No! That’s a hobbit! A hobby is a past time! Something to keep him amused so he’s not doing that...” said Bart pointing to the shattered pieces of Oscar’s blanket.

“Oh... that’s a great idea boy! Oscar get your butt down here!” said Homer. He then yelled for Oscar.

Oscar plummeted through the living room ceiling and face planted. “Hi!” he said in a silly manner.

“Go to your room!” Homer ordered him back to his room.

“Okay!” said Oscar. He ran upstairs and plummeted through the hole again landing on his face.

“Okay enough with the termite eaten hole... listen up.” said Homer. Oscar listened. “Oz, we are finding you a hobby.”

“A small man with hairy feet?” Oscar asked.

“No.... See I thought that too.” said Homer to his family. They rolled their eyes. “No, a past time. Something to keep you occupied.

“Well I do draw...” said Oscar.

“There, that’s the spirit...” said Homer gently slapping him on the back. Oscar’s sweater, shorts and other clothes shattered like glass. “Eeeeeeeww!” Homer groaned.

“What do ya mean Eeeeew?” Oscar asked.

“Uh it’s a cum joke...” said Stewie coming on set with a script.

“Eeeeeeew! Stewie! I’m only nine! Why would I be doing that?!” Oscar groaned in disgust. “Marge is just concerned because my little habit is freezing my laundry in liquid nitrogen to see what happens...“

“Oooohhh.... uh okay....” said Stewie.

“And also you letting your teddy bear sniff your diaper...” said Marge.

...

Homer took Oscar into town. They passed Herbert the pervert for some reason.

“Hi there Oscar... Mmmmhmmmmmmhmmmmhmmm!” Mr Herbert said chuckling pervertedly.

“Go away you sick twisted fruit!” Oscar yelled at him as he walked off with Homer.

“Come along boy...” said Homer.

“Get your skinny ass back here...” said Herbert frowning.

Homer took Oscar to Apu’s to get his usual unhealthy snacks. “Just lots of salty snacks and dips Apu. It’s football season!” said Homer. “Oh and I’m supposed to be finding Oscar a hobby.”

“How about football?” Apu asked as Homer paid for his goods.

“Nah... he doesn’t like sports.” said Homer as Oscar shook his head.

“Well I tried. Good luck and come again!” said Apu.

At Home.

Homer tried to get Oscar into Stamp collecting.

“Now this Oscar is the gentle art of philately. Also known as stamp collecting...” said Homer.

“Homer this is boring... and Geeky! Only Bart likes collecting stamps. It’s his guilty secret remember?” Oz groaned.

Bart sat at the kitchen table sticking stamps into his scrap book and looking about shifty. “Tell no one. As far you two are concerned I’m still Mr Cool...” said Bart.

“Sure Bart... sure...” said Oscar.

“Now Oz we can make this fun! Wanna see Elvis kiss a bat?” Homer asked holding Elvis and Bats of the south west stamps.

“Um.... no....” said Oscar.

But Homer was making the Elvis stamps kiss the bat ones. “Come ere baby gizza kiss! Squeak! Squeak! No no no... don’t squeak baby...”

Ace angrily snatched the Elvis and Bat Stamps from Homer with a hmmmmph! And stormed off.

Homer was then in Moe’s. “Okay another hobby is drinking...” said Homer drinking Duff beer.

“Hey hey! He can’t drink in here! He’s not 21 yet!” Moe explained to Homer that Oscar can’t drink.

“Uh okay, just wait outside Oz.” said Homer. Oscar left the tavern to wait outside. Some hours later a drunk Homer left to take him home.

“Oz what are you doing here?! You’re supposed to be at camp!” said Homer drunk.

...

Homer was sleeping on the couch because he was hung over.

“Hmmmmmmmmm! Homer you promised you’d find Oscar a hobby...” said Marge,

“Hmmmmmmhmmmmmhmmmm hmmmm hmmm!” Hugo hummed while playing with a Bilbo Baggins figurine.

“Not now Hugo...” said Marge.

“Fine...” Homer read an episode guide for Family Guy. “How about making puppets for some old German guy?”

“Uh... no... but I would like to go to the German district to see my buddy Uter...” said Oscar.

“Uh close enough...” said Homer.

Homer dropped Oscar off at Uter’s house.

“Gutentag Freund!” said Uter in German standing outside a house painted to look like it was wearing liedarhosen. Like the ones Uter was wearing.

“Ah! You came just in time for Oktoberfest!” said Uter’s dad.

“Cooool! A holiday for drinking! I love you beautiful people!” Homer suddenly pulled up and got out wearing Liederhosen. He kissed Uter’s dad passionately.

Uter’s dad chuckled. “Ja, we are as you Americans say, pissed as fart! Hohohoho!” said Uter’s dad.

“Sounds like a sweet shindig... but I am not wearing liederhosen... I look like a fruit...” said Oscar.

“Oh come on! Byron is...” Uter whined.

Some artist’s fursona, an orange bear cub like Oscar’s teddy bear but he had a brown spot on his eye and was really snarky and sarcastic was dressed in liederhosen. He did not look happy about it.

“Clyde, I look like a Christmas ornament...” said. Byron the bear cub.

“Fine but nein Augustus Gloop jokes...” Uter told Oscar.

“Oompah Loompha... doobity dooooo...” Oscar sung.

“I said nein!!” Uter yelled annoyed at him.

...

Instead Hugo took up puppet making with the creepy old German guy.

Hugo saw an unfinished puppet. “What is that?” He asked the creepy puppet guy.

“This is work in process. With our imagination zis can be anything we want!” said the German puppet dude. He painted and dressed the puppet to resemble Hugo.

“Wow! It’s a little me!” said Hugo.

“Hallo! My name is Hugo! I like candy and jumping and colourful birds!” said the German guy.

Hugo did not find that likeness of his personality accurate. “Candy is made from sunshine and farts!” He stormed off.

...

At Oktoberfest Oscar and Uter were drinking root beer and other soft drinks while the grownups drank and got drunk. Suddenly the chicken dance played!

“Oh my god! The chicken dance!” Oscar and Homer cheered. They got up and did the chicken dance!

“Ach! Nein!” Uter was embarrassed. “Zat is nicht Hänchen Waltz! Zat is musik for ze uh atmosphere, the merriment! Do not do Zat!”

Oscar and Homer were too busy doing the chicken dance...

Meanwhile Hugo apologised to German puppet guy and tried to fill Chris’s role, except instead of a brainless idiot we have a neglected genius who is slightly homicidal. Hugo found an Edward and Jacob puppet from Twilight. “Grrrrrr! I’m a strangely handsome boy vampire and I love this unattractive girl and are totally not affected by common vampire weaknesses like sunlight! Grrrr! I’m a strangely handsome, shirtless werewolf also in love with this unattractive girl!” said Hugo. “Boy she sure can act though? Naaaaah!”

The author of Twilight was annoyed.

“Fine! You try to make vampires and werewolves a realistic threat and not ridiculous monsters with easy to exploit weaknesses!” The author stormed off.

“Yeah because making Vampires invincible Mary Sues is good writing...” said Hugo.

The German puppet guy chuckled and made the Hugo puppet dance while singing a popular German pop song.

“Two, three, Ich berleg’ bie mer...” he sings the Der Kommissar by Falco. Do a barrel roll!

Hugo laughed at the puppet Hugo singing German pop songs.

...

Oscar and Uter left a German sweet shop with German sweets like joy joys mit iodine. “We better pick up Hugo. Homer’s got so tipsy he probably forgot about him. Although saying how he treats Hugo. He’d conveniently forget even when sober...”

“Uh huh...” said Uter eating marzipan joy joys.

They found Hugo playing with puppets in the German puppet store.

“Come on Hugo it’s time to go home.” said Oscar.

“Ah such kind freunds you have Hugo. Won’t you stay to see my puppets?” said the creepy German guy.

“Uh no... I’m not interested in puppets. Especially after that lady in the ethnic quarter would not leave me alone because she was selling puppets...” said Oscar.

“Eh?? (Buy some puppets?? - in Russian.)??” The lady asked in Russian holding colourful puppets.

“Ah I see. Goodbye Hugo. Untie then time.” said the German puppet guy.

“Yeah sure.” said Hugo.

...

Marge was not happy with Homer.

“You took Oscar to an Oktoberfest?!” said Marge.

“He wanted to see his friend Uter whatshisnane.” said Homer.

“And you took Hugo to find a hobby?! I said take Oscar to find a hobby. It’s nice seeing you be a father to Hugo for once but right now Oscar needs a distraction!” said Marge.

Oscar was upstairs moaning aroused. “Oh keep sniffing me Teddy! Mmmmmmm!”

“This is just like the time I asked you to find a man for Selma and you ended up hooking Skinner up with Patty...” said Marge.

“Marge you’re annoying me. And this time not even beer can cloud your nagging.” Homer said frowning. He lit a spliff. He was on the weed again.

“Oh hell no! You are not smoking cannabis in front of our children again!” said Marge.

“Marge stop making weed out to be some sort of boogeyman! Everyone is doing it! Otto, Canadian Flanders... Oscar’s uncle Buck...” said Homer.

“If everyone told you to stick your head in the oven would you?!” Marge yelled.

“Maybe... depends what I’ll taste like afterwards... Mmmmmmm.... Homer....” He does so in one of the newer post season thirty Treehouse of Horrors.

Marge sighed annoyed.

...

Homer soon devolved to his hippy state again. He was wearing a poncho and drinking strawberry wine from a bladder flask.

“Going over to Buck’s Marge. He is cool about the green...” said Homer leaving.

Marge grumbled annoyed.

Homer drove drunk and high to Oscar’s Uncle’s flat.

There was loud music and lights coming from Buck’s flat.

“How’s it hanging bro? A sixties throw back? Sure! Come in!”

“Unky!” Oscar cheered.

“Hey there kiddo. What did I say about my parties...” said Buck to Oscar.

“They’re not for children...”

“Oz drive yourself home...” Homer said getting high in Buck’s lounge.

“Homer...” Buck sighed annoyed at his irresponsibleness. “Oz come in. But do not touch anything...”

“Okay Unky.” said Iscar coming in.

“Uh huh. Look it’s that establishment conformity that’s breaking us down ma’am! That’s probably why your hubby is here! Uh huh... Look we’re never gonna agree on this! Can you just pick up my nephew?! Okay ciao!” said Buck on the phone to Marge.

“Coooooool! The kitchen is Jumanji!” said Oscar from somewhere.

“Oz what did I say?!” Buck groaned annoyed.

Plot 2[]

Marge grumpy with Homer picked a Oscar up.

“I’m sorry you had to see Homer like that...” said Marge.

“It’s okay my Uncle smokes the Mary J all the time.” said Oscar.

Marge hmmmmmmed annoyed.

“That’s a tasty looking chocolate brownie you’ve got Oscar. Did your uncle make them?” Marge asked trying to change the subject as she tried to not look at Homer.

“Chocolate?!” Buck asked in shock.

“Uh oh...” said Oscar.

“Oz....!” Buck sounded annoyed.

“I’m sorry Unky! I thought they were chocolate brownies...” said Oscar.

“They’re pot brownies! Ooooooh!” Buck groaned head butting the wall.

“Buck don’t blame him! He’s just a kid! Why was he even at a pot party?!” Marge asked.

“Ask Homer.” said Oscar Before succumbing to the effects of weed. He danced about high and dizzy.

“Oz gimme that...” Buck sighed.

...

At the Simpsons Oscar was sick from the effects of weed. “Now you’ll feel very unwell for the rest of the day so lie down Oscar...” said Marge putting Oscar to bed.

“What happened Mom?” Bart asked.

“I ate a funny brownie...” said Oscar.

“Oh... Hahahaha!” Bart laughed.

“Bart this isn’t funny. I hate your father’s new drug habit! The medical side when crows pecked his eyes I can understand but now he’s just a full blown druggy!” said Marge.

“He’s also a hypocrite! He told me it was his medicine but told me never ever to do it...” said Bart.

“Well not now while you’re still a child! Honestly Bart...” said Marge.

“So in college...” saidBart.

“Well... you have a point given your father has no right to complain there. But I still wouldn’t like it!” said Marge.

“Well I’m off to the German puppet shop again.” said Hugo.

“And I am off to pester this old kraut on what side he fought for during the war because he’s stealing all the fine young boys... mmmmmmmm!” said Mr Herbert.

“You are a sick man and I’d rather trust a German old guy who I’m not sure who he fought for during the war than a creep like you!” Hugo yelled at Mr Herbert.

“Get your yellow ass back here...” said Mr Herbert.

...

Hugo was at the German Guy’s puppet shop playing with his puppets and giving the gentle old man company.

But Hugo needed the bathroom.

“Uh I need the bathroom Franz.” said Hugo.

“Oh it’s behind the door labelled Gluckmachnichten mechwerchtichlieber.”

Unfortunately Hugo did not understand a word of German. He went in the wrong door and saw swastikas and other Nazi stuff. “Meh...” he then found the bathroom and went in.

Meanwhile Homer watched Cheech and Chong.

“Dave’s not here man...“ said the comedians. There was canned laughing.

“Only while high can I understand this show...” said Homer.

“I... I gotta check out this brochure...” said Buck high on weed. He took a big burger and took a bite out of it.

Homer stared at the fourth wall. “He has the munchies. Pot makes you hungry.”

Oscar feeling better went with Marge to pick Homer up as the party died down. Only Homer, Otto and Uncle Buck were left. They were high and laughing at something on TV.

Marge sighed.

Oscar went to his room. There was clearly a frisky couple under his covers doing it... but he sat at the foot of his bed and watched TV.

“Oh cool! Scary Movie 2!” said Oscar, he was watching the bit where Shorty is attacked by a giant marijuana plant.

Shorty screaming as the plant turns him into a giant joint by wrapping him in the blankets.

“Cooooool!” said Oscar.

Marge gasped at him one disturbing two randy party goes and secondly watching a film not meant for children. “Oscar! Get out of there!”

“Here we go again... don’t do this... don’t do that...” Oscar groaned as he got up and left. “And wash my sheets after you’re both done! Ugh!” He yelled at the frisky couple.

“Homer I want go! Get up!” Marge was nagging Homer.

Something breaks.

“Oops! Unky a plant fell over...” said Oscar. “This place really looks like Jumanji. I hear some people like house plants but sweet Je-“

“Okay that’s enough now Oz...” Buck sighed pulling him out of the kitchen turned into a weed farm.

Marge sighed.

...

At home Marge was bickering with Homer.

“What’s a matter Marge? Is this too real for your Stepford Wives lifestyle?!” said Homer.

And Oscar was boring Bart, traumatising Lisa and annoying Marge with weed facts.

“And the marijuana plants can be a boy or a girl! The females are used for Cannabis. You won’t get high on a male plant. But you can make hemp out of them...” said Oscar.

“Okay that’s enough now Oscar...” said Marge.

“Some Guy left this behind. Hugo you can have it for your chemistry set.” said Oscar holding a bong.

“Oz! That’s a bong!” said Hugo.

Marge snatched the bong.

Marge tried everything to get Homer to see sense. She gathered up his father, Reverend Lovejoy and Ned to set him on the right path, ie her perfect Stepford Wives lifestyle. But Homer countered with his hippy Mom, Canadian Flanders and Otto.

“Look! Canadian Flanders!” said Homer.

“Well circle cut my bacon! Ding dong diddle doodily diddly!” said Canadian Flanders.

“Well I like the cut of your gibberish stranger!” said Ned as they spoke Flanders gibberish to each other. “Diddily doodily!”

“Hey wanna joint a rooney? It’s legal here!” said Canadian Flanders holding a spliff.

Ned frowned. “They warned me Satan would be tempting...”

“So what’s the deal with Canadian Flanders? Is he just Ned but Canadian and smoking weed? Does he go to church regularly?” Oscar asked.

“Yessirooney!” said Canadian Flanders.

“Stupid Canadian Flanders...” said Homer.

Bart left for Bart’s room to watch TV and blot our the argument over Homer smoking weed again and Marge’s perfect conservative life style being appalled by this.

Oscar was watching a very strange Back to the Future film.

”Marty, where we’re going, we don’t need walls!” said Doc Brown.

Oscar winced as he watched the movie.

Meanwhile, Hugo got away from his parents bickering over Homer smoking weed by visiting the German puppet guy who might be a Nazi.

”Hellooooooo! Welcome to my home! Please make yourself at home!” said the German man sounding like Vinny from Vinesauce doing a silly German accent.

The German man offered him candy that tasted like sunshine and farts to Hugo. I have no idea what sunshine tastes like.

However Herbert the pervert was spying on them and was horrified. He went to tell Marge and Homer he knew the man was a Nazi death camp guard.

They didn’t believe him.

”Even if he did fight for the wrong side during the war. At least he’s not a sick child molester like you!” Homer yelled. “Go and bother the Griffins.”

”Hey, we’re openly anti Semitic because Seth loves making bad jokes about Jews, but hypocritically we hate Nazis and think they are worse for Chris to be around than the obvious creepy pedophile Mr Herbert!” Peter ranted.

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